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sleepy_sunflower Archive

View 2 posts and 55 comments by sleepy_sunflower on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
53

sleepy_sunflower/r/ExRedPill19/12/20 12:37 AM
16

sleepy_sunflower/r/ExRedPill05/02/21 05:04 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
11

I kinda want to push back on this a bit. I understand your point that his behavior towards his gf is the most important thing, above the content he consumes. But to be honest, I don't think it's acceptable to look at a lot of these men that he's consuming content from and say "yes they have all these misogynistic views, BUT there's some good advice in there, I'll just ignore the bad part..." If the misogynistic pieces of their content aren't a huge turnoff for him, that's a really bad sign. Thos…
/r/ExRedPill13/02/23 03:33 PM
5

You're absolutely right, and there's some legitimate research to support this: https://www.journals.uchicago.edu/doi/full/10.1086/701155
/r/ExRedPill13/11/22 03:05 PM
4

Thank you for taking a step back to recognize how problematic your thought patterns towards women are. Most people are not good at critically examining their own biases, so you've already done a lot of important work. You really, really need to reframe the way you think about women's sexuality and desire. I know it's not easy to just magically change the way you think about things, but really try to internalize a different perspective by telling it to yourself over and over. Remind yourself that…
/r/ExRedPill31/10/22 02:32 PM
4

This is a wildly unscientific description of human bonding. Vasopressin and oxytocin are both present in men AND women, and they work in complicated and variable ways -- it is wholly inaccurate to say that one determines male bonding and one determines female bonding. Many ideas about the role of oxytocin in women are myths driven by abstinence-only religious groups, see more about that here: https://gizmodo.com/myths-about-the-love-hormone-oxytocin-that-could-ruin-30885233. Here's a study that …
/r/ExRedPill22/09/22 05:50 PM
74

I hate how RP makes men feel like they are being logical when they are operating fully on emotion. Ego, pride, fear, anger, suspicion -- not logic.
/r/ExRedPill29/08/22 04:47 PM
22

Oh man. I really feel for your girlfriend here. I hope you acknowledged to her how selfish you were being.
/r/ExRedPill29/08/22 02:59 PM
9

I try not to be harsh in comments on this sub but I think it's important that you hear this straight up: what you just said is flat out wrong. The understanding you think you have of women is incorrect. MOST women want comfort, trust, and safety from their lovers, and most women want to provide that to their lovers in return (and there are a LOT of relationships all around where this is clearly true). Most women do not enjoy overt sexual comments from strangers or near-strangers (even if they ar…
/r/ExRedPill31/07/22 11:44 PM
5

Sending you lots of love and strength. Sounds like your husband became unhappy with himself through losing his job and channeled that dissatisfaction with himself in the most destructive possible way. This is clear abuse and I hope you know you don't deserve it.
/r/ExRedPill26/07/22 03:25 PM
13

Some women, like some men, do not enjoy aging and find their middle age stressful for a variety of reasons, and may respond to it by having some sort of "mid-life crisis". Others find they have even more self-assuredness, stability, and confidence in their 40s and 50s. Many women actually find that they are hitting their stride in their careers at that time after being delayed due to having young children. Sure, people may have marriage issues or get divorced, but also many people are starting n…
/r/ExRedPill20/07/22 09:26 PM
21

Hey just wanted to say that all of this was really insightful and I appreciate how empathetic you are to both men and women's experiences/journeys
/r/ExRedPill13/07/22 07:59 PM
3

Hey hon, take it from a 27 year old: the idea of being in one's "prime" is a total myth! Sure, there are men who are only interested in youthfulness in a partner, but those truly are not the men you want in your life, and there are many, many others who are searching for genuine connection and love the self-assuredness of fully grown adult women. I know so many women who have not only become genuinely more beautiful in their late 20s, but also have come into themselves in terms of confidence, kn…
/r/ExRedPill11/07/22 02:39 PM
1

Hey, gonna try to give some practical advice for this situation. Based on your description, it does sound like she overreacted. It also sounds like your initial actions were a little careless towards her, and I'm wondering if she may have been reacting to a pattern of carelessness in the relationship, rather than that specific action. Obviously I don't know your relationship, but small things can trigger big emotions if they feel representative of larger issues. But regardless, here's how I thin…
/r/ExRedPill05/07/22 10:26 PM
4

I never have and I don't even know any female friends who have cheated on their significant others except for one friend in college (she was a really wild person back then, several of her relationships were messy). I know a couple more guys who have cheated than girls (also in college), but still vast majority of my guy friends have never cheated either. I think cheating is less common than red pill would have you believe--most people do not want to hurt their partners like that. But I think bec…
/r/ExRedPill09/05/22 04:36 PM
5

I'm 5'10", and my honest answer is that I've been interested in men shorter than me (5'8" or maybe 5'7", I'm not sure of exact height) but I probably would feel a little weird about 5'6" and below. A lot of that comes from my own internalized insecurities about being the "bigger" person in a relationship and as a result not feeling as feminine. I'm interested in dating women too and it's still something that trips me up when I think about dating a woman much shorter than me, which is likely sinc…
/r/ExRedPill04/05/22 06:45 PM
10

this, this, this! and I will also add that today, many branches of feminism actively reject radical feminism, because their ideology has been incredibly harmful to trans people (where the phrase "terf" or "trans-exclusive radical feminist" came from). Since radical feminists believe in abolishing gender as a concept, they are hostile to people who seek to change their assigned gender, whereas most modern feminists actively align themselves with LGBTQ+ issues.
/r/ExRedPill27/04/22 02:58 PM
3

it's really nice to experience the world together with someone that you feel close to. from little things like cooking a nice meal together or having inside jokes, to planning adventures and experiencing new things together, to more serious things like having someone to go to when you're going through something who you know is going to care and is going to do their best to be there for you. to me the best relationships have been when both people are going out of their way to be thoughtful toward…
/r/ExRedPill18/03/22 03:44 PM
3

yes, extremely tired of it. and extremely sad to see that language bleed into so many places outside of just trp (constantly see references to high and low value men & women on twitter and tiktok, for example.) we all have different qualities that hold value to us, and no person should be considered "low value" because they don't meet some arbitrary superficial standards. it's gross to try to reduce the depth and complexity of humanity to one neat little rating system.
/r/ExRedPill14/03/22 04:10 PM
11

there's a lot to address here but I'll just focus on one thing: You have a very, very skewed idea of what life is like for most women. "Most women can easily get 10k followers on instagram" -- I really don't understand where that's coming from?? Like I'm a woman and friends with lots of women and I don't know anyone with 10k followers except for one friend who is a professional photographer...And so many women I know deal with disinterest from men they are interested in, it's quite rare that a g…
/r/ExRedPill07/02/22 08:05 PM
6

A tongue-in-cheek, but with real citations for my claim. love this thank you
/r/ExRedPill07/02/22 04:11 PM
3

absolutely agree with you on all of this, thanks for taking the time to write it out
/r/ExRedPill03/02/22 07:29 PM
2

There's a lot I could say to this. I'm going to focus on why I think your perspective is factually limited/flawed, but I also will just say that the primary reason I think Red Pill is bad I because I believe it emotionally and psychologically harms both women and men, which is based on my personal experience with a Red Pill ex, which you can read about here: https://www.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/kfxjzp/my_experience_with_a_red_pill_ex/ The point of yours that I most agree with is that ther…
/r/ExRedPill03/02/22 06:38 PM
1

This was such an interesting and well-reported read. I also came across this article several years ago (it was published in 1999) critiquing the field of Evo Psych -- while it's written with a more flippant tone, it does also examine some interesting research about "sexual strategy" in both humans and our closest ape relatives that undermines many core ideas of Evolutionary Psychology. The author also takes on Buss's research and offers a critique on the merit of surveys as a method for determin…
/r/ExRedPill09/01/22 09:23 PM
3

I think this is a really under-discussed feature of redpill ideology: that so much of it applies only to young, immature people. like you said, both men and women can lack maturity and strong emotional regulation and empathy at young ages, it takes time to learn how to be a healthy, considerate human being. there were situations with guys I didn't handle very well in high school and there were guys who didn't handle situations with me very well either...now we are all much better people, 10 year…
/r/ExRedPill27/12/21 08:15 PM
1

Thank you so much for this response!! I'm definitely going to look into these books. I've suspected for a long time that early human communities and their evolutionary history were much more diverse and complicated than most people today assume, especially people who go on about "sexual strategy." I just haven't done that much actual reading about it. Thank you for sharing!
/r/ExRedPill27/12/21 07:36 PM
1

you've got a lot of good responses here, that I hope illuminate that women have wide-ranging experiences & desires. It's important to recognize that women have sexual urges too, and like men, can have phases in their lives where they are more interested in commitment or not. young women often aren't interested in a boyfriend because they'd prefer to focus on themselves, or just don't feel emotionally ready for one yet. sometimes girls are sleeping with the guys that don't want commitment because…
/r/ExRedPill27/12/21 07:21 PM
2

so interesting! would you mind sharing some sources? I'd love to read more about this
/r/ExRedPill27/12/21 02:47 AM
2

When two people are entering into a long term partnership with each other, with the hopes of it being stable and compatible in the long run, they should absolutely be thinking about what they each "bring to the table" in terms of building the life that they want to live together. But that can mean so many different things to people. It might mean the ability to emotionally support each other, it might mean the ability to run a home, it might mean the ability to really participate in raising kids…
/r/ExRedPill11/11/21 10:26 PM
3

yessssss this is the thing. people are human and not everyone has the same mindset.
/r/ExRedPill11/11/21 09:50 PM
6

you're absolutely right about them not actually being open to ideas that contradict any of their own beliefs. which, to be fair, is true of most people in general -- but it's not something that is specific to women at all and it is ESPECIALLY true for the redpill.
/r/ExRedPill11/11/21 09:41 PM
5

yes, yes, yes to all of this.
/r/ExRedPill11/11/21 09:32 PM
1

Hi there. I am a woman who was in a similar situation -- it took me a while to realize my ex was Red Pilled and when I realized it, I decided I was going to try to change his mind. I didn't do this directly because he didn't openly admit to being Red Pilled to me, but whenever questions about men, women & relationships came up, I tried to bring up lots of counterexamples, I tried to show studies and research that showed his ideas were flawed or pseudoscientific, and I tried to appeal to his huma…
/r/ExRedPill11/11/21 09:27 PM
7

i'm happy for you that you've experienced this growth and found a healthy relationship :)
/r/ExRedPill06/05/21 02:38 PM
6

There are some really good responses in here already. Just one point I wanted to make: most people grow up after high school and college. I'm sorry that you had some negative experiences with women when you were younger, sounds like you encountered some mean people. Consider, though, that the cause of some of those interactions might be immaturity, rather than innate nature of women. I definitely had some bad experiences with both women and men when I was younger! Ridiculous friendship fights, r…
/r/ExRedPill23/02/21 02:03 PM
8

I think you named a couple of really important things that expressing emotions can get you: support and care from the people who love you, and release, or the peace of mind that comes with no longer bottling things up. It can also bring you greater awareness/understanding of your emotions and where they are coming from, which is really important to becoming a healthier person with better patterns and relationships. I'm curious why you don't think these things are important enough - I'd ask what …
/r/ExRedPill07/02/21 03:19 PM
1

I haven't read it, but I just looked it up...it's interesting, because from your first comment it sounds like what you're looking for is a real connection with someone, but my first impression of this book is that it's just a guide to sleep with women, which is a different goal. ultimately, I think a "road map" with clear laid-out strategies or step-by-step instructions might be somewhat successful when you're looking for hookups, but when it comes to finding a real connection with someone, it's…
/r/ExRedPill06/02/21 12:49 AM
4

yeah, there are women out there who disdain vulnerability altogether, and those are women you want to stay away from. many of the behaviors that the red pill says are natural to women do seem to describe women who are severely insecure or narcissistic or unhealthy in some way. not always though, sometimes I think red pill tactics actually cause those behaviors in women by emotionally manipulating them/debasing their self-esteem (though the healthiest women would probably not fall into those trap…
/r/ExRedPill05/02/21 11:39 PM
2

this is interesting, I hadn't understood the rp concept of "frame" this way. i appreciate your thoughts on it. with dating advice, I don't think anybody has it 100% figured out, because different people need different things from dating/relationships, and advice that works with one person might not with someone else. but i feel like a good place to start is to just ask questions of people in your life that seem to be in really good fulfilling relationships, or at least seem to be successful with…
/r/ExRedPill05/02/21 11:31 PM
3

Yeah, you make some really good points. I for sure agree that there are unhealthy women out there who also become too emotionally dependent on their partners, it's not exclusively gendered. From my experience, though, I see my female friends putting in a lot of intentional effort to work on managing their emotions in healthy ways, usually helped by processing them with each other (and often also in therapy, tbh). I look at the women that I've been friends with since high school/college and see s…
/r/ExRedPill05/02/21 11:25 PM
2

I don't think your issue here was that you got emotional or "lost frame." I think your issue is that you inherently viewed the situation as a threat to you in some way, rather than just your girlfriend sharing what's going on in her life with you. I obviously can't speak for your girlfriend but I have been on the other side of similar situations as this, and I think it's likely that she was surprised and frustrated that bringing up something so innocuous caused such a suspicious response and now…
/r/ExRedPill02/02/21 03:49 PM
1

I agree with you! My opinion is that human relationships are just too complicated to be defined or fixed by some sort of formula. A lot of women definitely also have unfair expectations/beliefs about relationships and have to work on that too -- it even seems like the red pill encourages men to seek out women with the most unhealthy mindsets, which ends up reinforcing their own messed up ideas. And they don't leave room for anyone (especially women) to grow and mature and change their ideas abou…
/r/ExRedPill26/01/21 03:07 PM
4

I commend you for the self awareness and willingness to admit that your views and behavior towards women have been harmful, it takes strength to look at yourself honestly like that. Still, though, it's really concerning to see you describe yourself thriving off of others' pain. As someone who has written some of those long emails explaining how I've been hurt and pleading with my partner to please understand my perspective and to please treat me with more compassion, my heart really hurts for th…
/r/ExRedPill31/12/20 05:32 PM
1

i appreciate you saying that :)
/r/ExRedPill31/12/20 04:59 PM
7

Really, really, really great response. Best advice in this thread, OP I really hope you take it. I will say that there ARE some women who feel like no one wants to have sex with them, even if it doesn't seem like it from the perspective of a man who feels that way. That experience isn't totally unique to men. Also, I think what women find most attractive varies, for many it is sense of humor, but not for everyone! All goes back to your point that it is impossible to generalize who people are and…
/r/ExRedPill28/12/20 04:02 PM
2

I read that book as we were breaking up, it helped me enormously. Was wild to see conversations that we'd had or things I'd thought to myself during the relationship printed in it nearly word for word as examples haha, really helped me to realize my situation wasn't so singular
/r/ExRedPill20/12/20 09:52 PM
1

That's totally fair! I mean, similarly I don't think I will be completely fulfilled by intimacy with my female friends.
/r/ExRedPill19/12/20 11:30 PM
10

I'm so sorry for the way you've been mistreated. Therapy is awesome and hope that it helps you heal from those experiences! And I hope you are able to find closeness with healthier women in the future (I'm sure you will!). I think closeness, intimacy, and trust are so so so important to all of us, and I really value the closeness I have with men in my life, including friends and family members. I also think that in my experience, women are really good at developing that emotional intimacy with o…
/r/ExRedPill19/12/20 07:05 PM
3

thanks :) I am fortunate in that I know many other wonderful men in my life, both friends and family, and I have seen examples of really great relationships. So I know there's hope! does make you a little nervous about other men potentially having similar issues and concealing them well at first, though
/r/ExRedPill19/12/20 06:25 PM
3

thanks for your kind words :) I do think something like that happened, and it sucked haha. But in a much better place now!
/r/ExRedPill19/12/20 06:23 PM
3

Very strongly disagree with the comparison between drug addiction and sexual experiences. A drug addiction is literally a physical condition, casual sex is just an experience (also I disagree that a former drug addiction will always lead to problems down the line, many former drug addicts go on to lead very healthy and fulfilling lives! but that's beside the point). Someone who is likely to cheat is someone who is selfish, who doesn't have a lot of respect for their partner, who maybe has poor i…
/r/ExRedPill19/12/20 06:17 PM
4

I mean, I simply disagree. I have a lot of female friends that had similar experiences as me, and we see it as a product of life phase and environment, and don't so much reminisce about it as laugh at how ridiculous of a phase of life it was and maybe wish we knew at that age how much more satisfying sex could be. And none of my close friends has ever cheated on their partners since getting into serious relationships (I can think of some fringe friends that have, male and female, but no one I'm …
/r/ExRedPill19/12/20 06:01 PM
6

I thought I might get a response like this! I've thought about this a lot, and have a lot that I can say about it. First of all, I'm dubious of the research that suggests this, I remember reading one study that found that people who have between 2-9 partners are more likely to stay married and people who have 10+ are more likely to get divorced, but the idea that some switch would go off when someone goes from 9 to 10 partners that all of a sudden makes them less able to commit to someone is fai…
/r/ExRedPill19/12/20 01:39 PM
2

thank you, it was a hard time for sure, and I still have some scars from it. but hey, even being in a horrible situation like that is a valuable learning experience. I still see a lot of people on this sub talking about how aspects of TRP worked for them, and I just hope they are able to critically analyze what that means for the people it worked on!
/r/ExRedPill19/12/20 12:59 PM
3

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with so much of that in your life, I hope that you also have people in your life who have supported you to heal from those experiences. I also really recommend therapy if you haven't tried it already, it went a long way to help me gain my strength back. I think it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that hey, maybe he has these screwed up ideas, but I can show him that they're wrong and change his mind. don't beat yourself up for being "foolish." I'm def…
/r/ExRedPill19/12/20 12:56 PM
4

thanks, I am much much better now :) and yeah, the "nice guy" thing is definitely real, I think a lot of people confuse "nice guy" with "boring guy who's only attribute is that he's nice, but also the niceness seems to have an ulterior motive" and in my experience, girls are not into that haha, we like to be treated like people not gods (for the most part, some women do like that...we are not a monolith!!!). something that I've also thought about is how many young men find the red pill or other …
/r/ExRedPill19/12/20 12:43 PM
5

yes to everything you said. I struggle to see him as a full-on narcissist, though he was definitely much more concerned with his own feelings than mine, but I also do feel bad for him because I think that way of thinking took a huge toll on him too. so much of it seemed to come from an overwhelming fear of being controlled. To prevent being controlled he thought he needed to control me. it makes me sad for him that he'll never be in a healthy relationship if he doesn't fully abandon the red pill…
/r/ExRedPill19/12/20 12:26 PM
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