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smallishtree Archive

View 0 posts and 99 comments by smallishtree on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
36

Yeah I’m not driving 30 mins for a cup of coffee lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 08:12 PM
5

Honestly if they take the time to plan something. I mentioned loving movies by A24 and I had a date rent a theater for us to see Midsommar (I mentioned wanting to see it earlier in a convo) and yeah we went for a walk after but I was like obviously he put a ton of effort in for the first half. It showed a) thoughtfulness, he remembered things I had mentioned in the convo and b) effort, he made a point to engage with me in something that interests me. I feel like if there are dates like that, the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 01:04 AM
20

Usually when I see “Men have it bad” they talk about paying for a date a not getting called back. Women I know who have complained about a date usually tell me they’ve been assaulted, sexually harassed, or threatened. Yeah, definitely happens to men too, but statistically it happens to women MORE. Also, when men are abused, it’s statistically proven it’s usually by other men. Sorry Jerry that you spent $50 on a dinner to get rejected, but I know women who have been beaten, sexually assaulted, ro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 08:23 PM
14

He……had time to make a sign…………
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 05:00 AM
11

Omg this is happening to my bestie. She’s always been so driven but has been with her bf who doesn’t have like, anything going for him right now, for seven years. She’s talking about grad school and leaving the state to do so and he’s not willing to go with or expand his horizons and keeps picking fights with her about it. It’s so hard to tell someone that they’ve outgrown their partner but based on our conversations, I think she’s finally coming to that conclusion on her own. Keeping my fingers…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 04:20 PM
49

The first year of my longest relationship he was soooo sweet and loving to me outside of intimacy or initiating intimacy and as a result I was super down all the time and initiated just as much as him. After two years though, he became complacent and stopped trying with me unless he wanted intimacy and as a result I became so turned off by him. This is soooo true!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 04:15 PM
23

I think about this all the time, based on my own childhood, that of my friends, and the kids I work with (2 years working in residential psych for kids under the age of 12, and now in a therapeutic group foster home) and DO NOT have kids with ANYONE who is low value. The abuse and neglect innocent children experience is seriously messed up and effects them for the rest of their lives. Best case he’s just a man child. Worst case he’s a child molester and abuser. I’ve seen horrific cases and these…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 04:11 PM
18

Wild. They can’t conceptualize that we would ever CHOOSE to be single.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 04:58 PM
16

YES! My ex moved on super quickly after we broke up and at first I was like “wtf, I’m the hotter one! I’m the funny one! I’m the one who took the time from our breakup to learn and grow!” He cheats on his girlfriend all the time with people at work. ‘Nough said.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 02:33 PM
6

I thought I had written this for a minute. We are on the exact same journey and timeline sis! I was thinking the other day about how many people I’ve turned down and I realized: I’m looking for ONE HVM who is my soulmate. There are so many dudes out there of course I’m going to have to reject a bunch to find ONE person! And also, it’s my journey. I don’t have to throw myself into OLD and things that aren’t authentic to me to “find a man.” My HVM will come when he comes, in the meantime, I’m just…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 02:31 PM
23

Omg the selling stuff online one— I was selling a shirt on FB marketplace and the ONLY people who messaged me were dudes who were clearly not women’s size s and interested in a pink baby tee. Messages about how I probably looked good in the shirt and how they wanted to get to know me. One guy even said “I just thought you’d be cool to get to know because I saw corduroy pants in the background. I’m being a creepy but you seem really cool.” YEAH YOU ARE BEING CREEPY WTF? They scour women’s resale …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 02:27 PM
15

Definitely, when I go on dates and talk to potential interests I don’t feel this urge to HAVE to please them and make it work. I don’t even feel like “oh boy I wonder if we’ll kiss!” I think that’s also why OLD isn’t recommended (even if this isn’t explicitly one of the reasons) I feel more inclined to being attracted to someone now if I know them better and see their character and behavior outside of the context of dating. How do they treat me as a person and not a conquest? How do they treat m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 02:20 PM
106

YES they want us to split the bills, work full time, take care of the kids and all the housework, but when we ask them to do anything they whine and moan about how they already have a full time job. KYLE you work a DESK JOB barely 40hrs a week!! You aren’t doing intensive manual labor, wash a dish and pick up the tab.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 02:12 PM
8

Funny how LVM respond when a woman doesn’t want to have sex with them as “something is wrong with HER” and never, “what am I doing wrong that is making me so unattractive to her?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 02:12 PM
3

Yeah I’m still working through my old ways. Old me would have agreed to another date and hoped for a relationship so I’m proud that I said no even this early on, it’s a huge step for me. Also to clarify— I asked for a morning date because of my work schedule and I didn’t want to feel the pressure of him being like “hey let’s go back to my place”, which now in hindsight, if I felt that way I shouldn’t have gone on the date AT ALL. I think the fact he changed his name for his dating profile is a b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 02:02 PM
3

Yes ma’am lol honestly it’s embarrassing how he ignored no for so long. He’s probably at home thinking about how he’s a nice guy and then goes online to lie to women about his name and then not be nice at all on the date...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 12:04 AM
3

LMAOOOO I showed my brother the texts from the guy and he was like, “Dude, the minute you made it clear you weren’t interested in dating or hooking up after we had a date, I’d get the message. It’s embarrassing how he keeps texting you after you said no twice and then didn’t respond for weeks.” So SOME GUYS GET IT!!! If a woman is silent and starts avoiding you she is DONE GO AWAY!!! Lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 12:03 AM
6

YES!!! They are financially independent and stable, and always trying new things! Adventurous, worldly in many ways. My HVW friends love personal growth and new experiences. Spot on!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 02:21 AM
4

A real piece of work for sure! I know I have to work on vetting much earlier but three years ago it would take me YEARS to figure out if someone was a LVM. Then a year. Then months. Now I’m down to one date and I can figure it out 😂 I just want to figure it out before I even swipe right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 12:48 AM
14

Yes!!! All the LVW I’ve met have impulsively gotten a pet and neglected it until it had anxiety and weight problems, or just left it home alone all the time. Some of them used to have pets with their partner but when they broke up they just let the partner have the pet and didn’t care. Which tells me either the partner was more responsible or they didn’t care that much about the animal. I know there are a lot of factors in having pets, totally. And HVW who don’t have them because they know it do…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/21 12:45 AM
3

For me, it’s always little old ladies (I’m toll) who ask me to reach something high up for them. It’s funny because they never ask the men, which tells me they’ve had some negative experiences with that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:56 PM
15

YES QUEEN!!! Proud of you, you’re awesome.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:55 PM
33

OVER 3 WEEKS AGO I match with this guy on Hinge. He goes with the “I’m not good at texting how about we meet up?” 🤮 I’m bored and trying to avoid hanging out with one of my friends so I say sure but only to a morning date (I’m fully vaccinated and we wore masks) We meet up around 11am and get tacos. He tells me the name on his profile is not his real name as we’re ordering (you walk up and pay and order, then pick a seat outside) 🚩 I ordered ONE taco and so does he, the bill comes to be $10. He …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:54 PM
170

-When we go out, we don’t spend the whole time talking about men. -They have various interests besides gossip and men. -They are responsible pet owners (I can’t explain it, but I’ve just seen it more with my female friends who own pets and consciously prioritize the living animal in their home) -They are interested in learning new things. My strongest female friendships are the ones where we met doing a hobby or during a class outside of school (like zoom cooking/happy hour classes, zoom languag…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/21 06:49 PM
166

I’m laughing because they’re calling FDS “female incels” which isn’t even the definition of an incel. We are VOLUNTARILY not having sex with men we don’t want to have sex with. If you’re going to try and insult us, at least be intelligent enough to do so 💅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 09:45 PM
59

NOT ALL MEN!! ok but damn whatever percentage of you doing this sure are busy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 09:42 PM
1

Same! I made myself a fancy brunch, drank a bottle of Prosecco, listened to my fave podcasts and just did self care and it was AMAZING! So relaxing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 01:02 AM
154

Funny how he felt it was pertinent to mention whether or not they had had sex... shows you right there how he values women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 07:59 PM
139

I was on the App Store and pulled up Hinge (when I feel low I redownload the app, look at who sent me likes, then delete it.... I know, I know, I’m trying to be better.) and out of curiosity I read the REVIEWS. Most of the reviews under recent were by men. Hinge AGGRESSIVELY markets that it’s a relationship app. A lot of the complaints were, “the women on this app sure are focused on monogamy,” and “too relationship focused.” I don’t like OLD but that just shows us the quality of these men. Eith…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 10:41 PM
231

It shocks me that background checks aren’t part of dating apps. One of the comments on the post was “dating apps don’t care about women, they only want us on them so men pay to have access to us.” TRUTH
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 03:37 PM
2

Weird.... every time I thought a guy was cheating, I turned out to be right.... but what do I know, me, a simple woman 🙃🤷🏼‍♀️🥺
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 03:33 PM
4

Tbh I’ve done this because there was a ton of shit going on in my life, and when I sent this text it’s because I didn’t want “to deal with” the guy I sent this message to. Obviously it didn’t last. Move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 03:28 PM
46

“I’m tired from work” is something I think was traditionally used for back when men did a LOT of very hard, physical labor jobs. My grandpa worked 14 hour days in the hot sun and destroyed his body at that job. THAT I can understand. But ok brad, you worked 8 hrs at a desk and you’re tired? Stfu and literally rinse your dish and stick it in the dishwasher. My ex and I worked 50-60 hour weeks at a psych hospital where sometimes we wouldn’t even get to sit down for ten hours, and we’d both get ass…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 03:25 PM
53

Lmao at the guys mad about this. Don’t worry boys, if you’re mad at this, she doesn’t WANT to marry you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 10:05 AM
8

Yeah, I generally don’t believe men who create the narrative of “oh, my BM is evil and won’t let me see the kids.” Guess what? My dad created the same narrative about my mom and the reason they divorced was because she found out he was cheating on her. SIR IF YOU WANTED MAXIMUM TIME WITH YOUR KIDS, SPEND TIME WITH THEM AND NOT YOUR MISTRESS!! 👏 👏 👏 Edit: also, I’m friends with women who do want their BD’s to spend time with the kids. They just don’t. They only want every other weekend then “acci…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 09:11 PM
5

It’s the same argument misogynists make, like, “oh you wanna be treated equally? That means I can punch you. Yeah, I can now beat you up.” And it’s like????? No, you ALREADY do that. Like 89% of DV cases in the US alone are men abusing women. We want that to STOP! Guys who don’t want to respect women will just never understand it because they’re feral.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 09:07 PM
8

I like this too because it encourages action. A common theme in LVM is all talk, no walk, so to speak. I feel like guys hear “women want you to plan...” and get overwhelmed and upset because they don’t know where to begin because they’ve never HAD to plan. “When?” Isn’t intimidating. It’s not a laundry list. But it still holds accountability. If he can’t handle a simple “when” early on, you know right away there’s so much more he’s not capable of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 08:52 PM
30

I’m only 26 and people lose their shit over it and say, “oh man you look 20!” ... ??? Maturity wise there’s a difference but if you’re THAT shocked or grossed out that I’m not twenty and you’re almost thirty, what the fuck?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 12:01 AM
4

He was reported saying he loved her repeatedly while she was unconscious. This man locked a naked pregnant woman out in sub zero temperatures until she died, and previously showered her in pepper spray. If this is love, I don’t want it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 11:06 PM
19

I’m in a super tiny space with a giant cat tree and stuff for my cat everywhere and even then it’s at least ORGANIZED. He could put shelves up, get storage containers and put them under his bed etc. there are ways to look like an adult who can take care of themselves
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 10:19 PM
23

Omg I was supposed to have a FT date last night. I asked him what he had planned and he said “uhh idk drink a beer together?” .....uh ok. Left on read. Texts me at 5:30 and says “ight I’m done with work ready to talk?” UH SIR NO. I made other plans because you never made solid ones or set a time. I told him I was busy now because he never set anything up. Texts me today it’s because “he wasn’t sure what time I’d be free.” If it’s too hard to text, “what time are you available?” Then you should n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 10:16 PM
3

Ngl I’ve been in relationships where I’ve been dead ass jealous of the nature documentaries where the male birds give the female birds gifts, dance, and sing for them. I was like damn, even BIRDS put in effort?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 06:23 PM
1

I mean yes, bad job dad for not learning this stuff BEFORE mom left! I was gonna say, “to be fair, he could just be really depressed because his wife left him and abandoned their child.” But it’s super implied he never did this stuff even before and made no effort much longer after. :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 04:43 PM
25

Yeah if a man that much older than you poo-poos basic adulthood and maturity, that basically tells you he won’t be a longtime partner. Because you WILL age and grow up and be focused on long term goals and building your life. And he’ll still be a child and dump you/cheat on you for someone “exciting and spontaneous whohappenstobenineteen.” Idk if anyone watches BoJack Horseman (I know...adult cartoons...) but there’s a character on there who goes into marriage after marriage and realizes they ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 02:08 PM
84

Ugh my ex’s most recent pic (TO THIS DAY!!!) is a pic of his ex from a year ago. I dated him after they ended things and he took no pics with me or of us. Surprise surprise he still talks to this ex... 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 04:48 PM
5

B you are a hoot but honestly shouldn’t have texted him back after you got your things
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 02:59 PM
3

You know that’s a really good point about the walking without masks and being close together outside. What are your thoughts on this date my roommate went on (when bars and restaurants and everything was still shut down in my area): he went and got food for them both (take away) and they went to a parking lot, stayed in their own cars and talked 6 ft apart. They ended up with their trunks facing each other and sitting in the backs of their respective cars. She really liked him and liked that he …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 05:51 PM
4

I think you’re on the money for self reflection. Whether or not anyone actually believes in astrology/tarot/personality quizzes/etc it’s usually just fun and pretty positive if you aren’t going to someone who wants to fear-monger into you giving them more money. When I got my palm read, the lady was like, “you struggle with self doubt but you’re really creative and I see you breaking through that fear and creating more blah blah” like it could totally be a bunch of malarkey! But who doesn’t stru…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 03:41 PM
14

I will say, every time I broke up with an ex, my friends and family would say, “oh my god, I didn’t want to say it because you liked him, but you were too hot for him. It didn’t make sense to me.” And all those guys were LVM (not that there’s correlation) but it did make me realize the ways I was settling. And also, it didn’t feel good knowing I was “the hot one” in the relationship. You should both be hot! It’s not a competition! Be with someone you find attractive right out of the gate, not li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 04:44 PM
3

Okay, if men want me to “heal them” I will bill by the hour. If we’re dating, I’m not your therapist, I’m not your life coach, it’s not MY job to teach YOU how to be an adult and treat someone you claim to love. I was in a relationship with someone who had a pill problem, was depressed, who threatened to kill himself if I left him... I helped him get treatment and everything and four years later (blessing in disguise) this guy has the audacity to tell me he never wants to get married!! After pro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 04:59 PM
6

Yooo....maybe you legit went on a date with an eleven year old 😂 “I’ll be 6’...someday!” But fr girl that is WILD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 04:48 PM
16

Yeah I thought this too but the texts in the second pic made me think he was serious lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 03:10 PM
12

Holy HIPAA violation Batman! He also doesn’t realize this would then make her uncomfortable to seek medical care in the future, because now she’s worried her private information will be used to find her? Omfg he SHOULD be fired
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 03:05 PM
11

It’S nOt OfFeNsIvE iT’s EdGy!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 07:58 PM
11

Wow that’s...not funny at all. Thanks Hinge for being the “relationship” app.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 07:57 PM
16

It’s also such a transactional view of sex... he’s also assuming he is the ultimate judge of if the relationship will continue based on sex. Like dude, in your mind, you’re going to bed two different women and have the gall to assume you’re god-tier in bed so it comes down to whether YOU think they’re sexually compatible with you?? Bro 😂 Ugh the other gross part about this, is he based the entire relationship potential on sex alone. He ousted himself on that! He didn’t base it on personality or …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 07:57 PM
9

I bet the other woman doesn’t even exist. What a weirdo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 06:23 PM
1

I would do your research. My mom used to be an aesthetician and I loved when she gave me facials. But also with Covid, I wouldn’t risk it. You can’t wear a mask when they’re rubbing their hands on your face, right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 08:29 PM
3

I also feel like compliments are more meaningful when it’s like, okay, you already know me in all weathers and seasons. When it’s a stranger, I get suspicious. Like, you don’t know me, what’s your intention? Poke and run? Nuh uh. I feel you though, I think it’s important to trust your gut and instincts. Every guy I met who told me I was overreacting ended up being a major LVM who wanted to turn the “problem” around on me. If you don’t feel he’s being genuine, you’re welcome to investigate. Maybe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 08:27 PM
1

Honestly, I think about that scene in the office when Pam asks Ryan to wipe the microwave down and he kept saying, “I’ll just mess it up, you would do so much better.” And she deadpans and goes, “How can you mess up using a paper towel by rubbing it on a surface?” It isn’t hard to take care of things!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 08:18 PM
3

Sounds like a man baby who wanted attention and wanted you to make him feel important. NEXT
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 08:16 PM
3

Ohhhh girl TOTALLY. I don’t like flirting to be honest unless we’re already in a relationship. Idk if I’m normal or you’re normal or we’re both weird. It’s kind of why I hate dating strangers, like, you don’t REALLY know me! This is why I keep dating friends or coworkers and end up regretting it 🙄 because it feels like they actually know me so I don’t feel awkward when they compliment me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 06:56 PM
6

I mean, he’s a comedian commenting on the standards men and women have towards heterosexual relationships and he’s going to do it in a way that gets the most laughs. I will note, men’s “dream girls” are just super hot, low maintenance sex machines. The women’s “dream boys” put effort and respect into the other relationships in her life while also being sexy. “Women want respect and a strong emotional connection and fidelity. Men want sex dolls that can also stroke their ego.” Is kind of the gist…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 06:53 PM
7

I don’t think the point is to “seem mysterious” as much as it is to keep your cards close. You still want to be yourself, but evaluate your patterns in dating. For me, this looked like not investing in someone too quickly. Take things slow. I tend to romanticize and see things that aren’t really there/read into things too much. FDS taught me to relax, and that the goal isn’t to FIND TRUE LOVE ON THIS DATE TONIGHT YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT WORK!! FDS taught me to just enjoy the moment but also take men…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 01:03 AM
5

I’m with you on this. I’ve tried to be friends with an ex and all it really becomes is the waiting game for you guys to get back together. No one wins that game, not the ex, not the bf, not your coworker. I personally think the past should stay in the past.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 12:54 AM
3

Thanks for replying! He just responded and agreed and said he will actually be free next weekend. Idk tho
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:54 AM
5

Ladies— is this blocking material? (lol “if you have to ask..”) Been talking to this guy from OLD, and he’s handsome, financially stable, has flirted an appropriate amount without being gross and I feel flattered. Had some really good, naturally flowing conversations and share the same values. He’s handsome. He invites me on a date, makes his intentions clear and he appears genuine. Plans a thoughtful picnic where he brings the food, no alcohol, brings board games (something I mentioned I love.)…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 12:32 AM
2

I’m only on Hinge rn, because weeding through tinder is exhausting and Bumble is just an excuse for men to immediately do less under the guise of feminism.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 06:33 PM
2

I actually binged DollFace on Hulu which is legitimately a cute show about a woman finding herself and rediscovering female friendships after ending a long term relationship with a LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 06:30 PM
1

I’ve been using Hinge, it’s pretty popular in my area for people in their 20s and early 30s from what I can tell. I don’t know much beyond early 30s because that’s not where I have my settings. Tinder, I feel like invites you to do a LOT of weeding because anyone can be on there for any reason. And yeah, I agree Bumble is trash and doesn’t follow FDS standards. Edit: one of my friends uses Coffee Meets Bagel and says she likes it. I haven’t used it personally so I don’t have a lot to add but it’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 07:42 PM
3

I’ll reply to question #1 because I recently revamped my OLD profile and the results I’ve gotten in terms of matches and initial contact have changed dramatically. Me: mid-20s, passionate about children and animals and volunteering, loves movies and stand up comedy, loves the outdoors, a goofball My 1st profile (pick meisha): a lot of selfies (unedited, but with heavy make up that I don’t regularly wear), pics of me drinking (one where all my friends put their beers in front of me as a joke, lik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 04:37 PM
5

My mom did! After she divorced my dad, she reconnected with someone who she only sort of knew in high school (different social circles at the time.) My mom decided to be very guarded and told him she didn’t want to date. My now stepdad said he understood and they developed a really strong friendship, but he was in love with her and understood she needed that wall to heal and needed that time. He was always there, but he’s also just the guy who will drop everything for anyone who needs help. Bein…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 04:01 PM
2

Agree with u/velocity2ds I think it’s easy for immediate turnoffs and red flags. But you also might find it easier to pick up on the more subtle ones when you’re chatting with them. You’ll have a record of what they’re saying in the chat and you can always refer to the handbook or ask for community input here if you aren’t sure! Also, with Covid, that helps create some barriers too. If I’m not super sure about if I like a guy or not (because not everyone shines over text) I’ll ask for a FT chat …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 03:55 PM
6

YESSSS LOVE TO SEE THIS!! Just because someone you once loved wants to be back in your life doesn’t mean they want to be there for YOU, and you realized that! Proud of you girl!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 03:30 PM
14

For me, I took a break from the dating scene. No chances of rejection or reinvesting in my old pick-me ways. Focused on my female friendships, watching tv that was focused on women doing more than finding love, making a list about cool things about me. What are MY hobbies? What are MY interests? What are things my family loves about me? What are things my friends love about me? What do I love about me? You almost need to reintroduce yourself to yourself. LVM get power when we tie our identities …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 04:37 AM
8

Honestly, saying you want to wait should be enough. I heard one podcast say you could put it in a flirty way like, “just so you know, it’ll be worth the wait” or something buuuut I have mixed feelings about that. I’m all for waiting because I’ve found I can’t do physical intimacy without becoming super emotionally attached. For me, that’s way more vulnerable than the act itself, so I feel like I need to wait to protect my heart and identity. I’m also a recovering PickMeisha so I don’t know how m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 11:18 AM
13

Omg I’m sorry you wasted your time, but what IS it with guys who lie about their height on OLD making a bigger deal out of it than us?? SAME thing happened to me, I’m 5’9” and it says so in my profile, you can tell I’m tall by my pics with friends, it’s no secret. Went on a date with a guy who said he was 6’. Was as tall as me, and he wore sneakers with some height and I was in flat sandals... I wasn’t going to say anything and homeboy started going off on how he’s never dated someone who is als…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 11:03 AM
11

YOU GET THE NEXT!!!?!!???? I AM DECEASED SIS AGSGSGDHFJSKSBS
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 03:07 PM
16

I also found people misunderstand the FDS stance on the sex industry. They assume it’s not “sex positive” and anti-feminist to be anti-porn. But they overlook that porn is a symptom of a society wherein women’s bodies are exploited and commodified and ABUSED. That sets a standard of objectifying women, and if you’re a “chick who isn’t cool with it you’re a bad person.” FDS isn’t against the women in porn, from my understanding. These women aren’t evil villains “corrupting the good men.” FDS is a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 03:04 PM
9

Maybe this has been posted before but I couldn’t find it... how do y’all reply to men on OLD who ask “what’re you looking for?” I’m in my 20s, and have my settings to guys my age or four years older, and so many guys ask this as soon as you chat back and forth a bit. Old PickMeisha me used to answer, “just looking to see where things go!” Or some pickme bs like that to sound like “a cool girl” who could be down for something casual even though I wanted an emotional connection and a strong relati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 02:57 PM
14

This might sound hippy-dippy, but my friend gave me this advice: when someone from the past reappears in your life, it’s because they can feel the shift in energy that you’re TRULY moving on and they want to keep you. It doesn’t mean it’s a sign from the universe that you’re meant to be. I think about that a lot when I pull away from someone toxic or experience a break up (because sometimes even when they dump YOU they want to keep breadcrumbing you!) and the other person reaches out again. They…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/20 02:17 PM
3

Omg no I think harsh and blunt is always better when it comes to this stuff. I will definitely drop him as a friend. I need to make space for someone in my life that can commit to the HV standards that I also set for myself. If I can go through mental health stuff and get professional help and become an awesome, healthy, independent person, then what’s stopping him? He has the same access to resources and people who will help him find them. He’s an adult and he doesn’t need me (or any woman) to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 12:06 AM
3

I TOTALLY agree!!! In my PickMeisha days I would accept guys “handling it on their own” and it usually led to abusive situations. This guy and I did date for a little bit and he was very HV— drove me everywhere, cooked for me, thought of fun date ideas and planned them out. As the relationship went on though, his mental health struggles surfaced and he refused to get help. We decided to be friends but even now I’m still wary of how much time I spend with him and what we talk about. He says he’s …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 11:38 PM
15

Being a HVW isn’t about fitting into some Disney Princess Social Butterfly Persona. It’s about embracing who you are and knowing your worth. You actually DO sound like an independent person, which is a HV quality. Don’t view your autism as a deficit, because it isn’t. You’ve done kick ass stuff and can support yourself despite hitting hard times, which is an impressive feat for anyone! You’re going to find someone who recognizes and honors the things you’ve struggled with, the things you’ve succ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 04:11 AM
10

Ladies!! I have struggled with mental health in the past (victim of abuse as a child and sexual abuse, suicidal and depressed in high school, anxiety...) but have spent the last seven years working sooo hard on myself and BLESS am an independent, healthy, proactive person! I’m really proud of the woman I’ve become and understand everyone has their “shit.” However, as someone who grew up normalizing dysfunction...How does a HVM show he takes care of himself if he has his own mental health struggl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 04:05 AM
15

My question is: why are you slowly detaching? I’m also a recovering PickMeisha and the only way to get over someone is just stop all contact. He’s giving you nothing, girl. Don’t drag things out by slowly walking away while constantly looking over your shoulder to see if he notices/cares. He will notice and he won’t care. There’s another HVM out there for you, sis. As someone who has also had an anxious attachment style, your approach to this is still attention and validation seeking. You’re dec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 04:06 PM
16

Question: what are some things we as HVW can put in OUR dating profiles to show we are HVW? I have always struggled with what to put in mine and try to play like “the cool girl” who is casual and low maintenance...and only attracted LVM because I was lowering my own value. What can we say to attract HVM?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 03:06 PM
8

Girl if you are hard on yourself and blame yourself, you’re going to attract men who are going to soak that up in a BAD way. If you blame yourself for problems in relationships, you’re going to attract a guy who looovvveees that because it means he doesn’t have to be accountable. If you want a man to treat you like a queen, you have to treat yourself like one. The PickMeisha in you was vulnerable, insecure, and scared! But look at what the root of that is: she wants to be loved, she has a big he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 10:57 PM
10

Rude and a red flag. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ll call men out for ignoring my questions/messages in their replies and not consider it an opportunity to “teach a man how to be a bf/decent human being” but to keep in my mind. A HVM won’t leave you hanging in a conversation. Falling asleep/being busy is a fair reason to not respond for a while, but to not even acknowledge what you said? No thanks. What else aren’t you going to acknowledge?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 12:30 AM
8

Yes queen!!! Honestly when I dropped my LVM/NVM I found in the gradual upgrades a lot of guys will ask for SFW cute pics of their gfs! You’re going to find a HVM who loves your cute pics and will let you know it. Good on you for recognizing your worth and treating yourself!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 12:27 AM
12

Honestly I’m feeling really proud of myself. I’m in therapy right now because I learned I kept choosing LVM as partners and felt I would lose a sense of self and my identity when I was in a relationship. I found FDS and everything here really just confirms all of the things I’ve wanted in relationships with romantic partners but also myself! One example is, I’m moving right now and found a box of old letters from an ex. Someone I was with for four years, who had always dangled the “we’ll get mar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 06:14 PM
1

This helps so much!!! Also there is a post in the FDS handbook that helped me get over a guy I was in love with (it’s titled something all things HVM have in common I think?) and it talks about how men know in the the first three months if they’re going to marry you or not. My stepdad (a true HVM) knew my mom was the one within a few dates. One of my best guy friends proposed to his now wife after four months, and he’s a HVM. My ex dumped me out of the blue after three months. When I thought abo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 04:57 PM
1

This is something I learned from the GGE podcast actually: men viewing your story doesn’t mean anything. It’s not a thoughtful text, it’s not an invite, it’s not a phone call. Dudes flip through stories while they take shits on the toilet. A HVM won’t make you look for “hidden messages” of their interest. He’s stringing you along. Drop him!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 01:41 PM
4

Omg I’ve definitely had guys who wanted to take me somewhere nice and then SPRANG it on me that they expected I pay half. One guy took me to a very expensive place in our city, ordered everything for us, and expensive bottle of wine, and then when the check came he started “complimenting” me about how great it is I’ll split with him and how I’m not like other girls... excuse me, what? If I had known I was paying half I would not have picked this place or ordered those items (I work for a nonprof…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 06:51 AM
4

Dang friend, sounds like a WEEK! I’ve been in your shoes and honestly, I still wrestle with OLD and am in a phase where I just feel like “fuck it.” My philosophy is, if you’re not feeling it, you don’t owe them anything. I think it shows maturity and class to say something especially if you’ve been talking for a few weeks. Doesn’t have to be anything major, but maybe something like, “Hey, this might seem out of the blue but I’m really just not feeling a connection right now. It’s been great gett…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 06:48 AM
2

lol I love this “argument.” Because...yeah??? Maybe so many men shouldn’t treat women like they’re disposable objects? Maybe you could do a little more to educate yourself on being a HVM instead of demanding women accept your laziness? No one hates men, we hate being treated like sex machines where a few texts to “chill” get you a free BJ.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 02:29 PM
2

Ugh, he doesn’t love her he loves the attention. Her running into him and initiating the conversation reminds me of my LVM ex. Friends first, then started dating after I initiated a conversation about the tension between us (I’ve since learned, I know, I know...) and he admitted he BROKE UP WITH HIS GF FOR ME and then just didn’t say anything for the month and a half!! I was shocked and asked when he was going to say anything to me about being together or his feelings for me and he seemed confus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 02:20 PM
43

Omg we should also do one for profile pics... if all your selfies for dating apps were taken in the car, you’re probably cheating on your wife! Never making eye contact with the camera (pensively staring into the distance?)... you’re really obsessed with your self image and always looking for the next best lay. I could go on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 04:29 AM
2

These questions are so helpful. I feel pretty at war with myself about a certain guy in my life about whether or not he’s a HVM or a LVM. Question one is he adds things, but then number two, I AM compromising and not in a way I feel comfortable with. Which DING DING DING is my answer: my person, a HVM, would not ask me/make me feel like I have to give up parts of who I am (my sanity, my self respect, my time) that they wouldn’t also give to me. These questions that come up in the sub are so much…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 07:57 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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