~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
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| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 10 | Not having kids ever again, never getting married againI hear you, and relate. I have no plans to get married, and got snipped, so won't have any more kids... and it also should make me immune to any paternity suits. Marriage is a great deal for women, and a terrible deal for men. It's one that's predicated on-- you give me a lifetime commitment for your time and money... and I make your life pleasant... until I'm not feeling it. No one would sign a business partnership contract like that. Complete insanity. Another way of saying it-- it's all upsid… | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/07/26 02:37 AM |
| 21 | Did anyone else end up divorced shortly after giving in to pressure to have children?TL;DR-- I supported her, and helped her meet her life goals (have 2 kids.) Once that was done, she didn't want divorce... just wanted me to die (so she'd get 100%, not 50%.) Longer version: We got married Had kids; "Dead Bedroom" situation immediately after. (She had the number of kids she wanted... why bother with sex.) She "owns" me financially. (My money is my money, and your money is... my money.) We buy a house; this is at my financial limit. She makes my life hell, and works on utilizing a… | /r/Divorce_Men | 29/05/26 12:26 AM |
| 10 | You know what I think? I don't think these chicks really wanted marriage and kids to begin with. They just thought they did.They want the wedding. They don't want the marriage. They want kids, they don't want the enormous effort that comes from raising them. They want a nice house, in a nice neighborhood... that they don't have to pay for or maintain. They say they want someone "emotionally intelligent", they mean they want someone who will do what they want, when they want it, in the way they want it... but they don't have to make the effort to verbalize their needs. (He did it voluntarily, I owe nothing in return!)… | /r/Divorce_Men | 14/05/26 11:53 PM |
| 5 | I'm getting bitter towards relationships in generalGive yourself time. Yes, the laws are against men. I'm not going to get married again. Marriage is great for women... a raw deal for men. There are MANY women out there who want a guy to be a replacement for their father. And by that, someone who provides everything, does all the chores, and they can disrespect... and that man will just keep doing it. They got this when they were 5, and many women are emotionally... still 5. They have no issue finding, using, and breaking down men. They're beaut… | /r/Divorce_Men | 12/05/26 09:19 AM |
| 5 | Anyone else have a STBX that has people fooled?The really irritating thing to me is... her family (my in-laws) knew this about her. WHY DIDN'T THEY WARN ME! (No, they didn't know it was called covert narcissism. She treated them like she treated me... it's just they didn't get it 24/7 like I did.) | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/03/26 06:35 AM |
| 9 | What were the signs you wished you paid more attention to?Here's a few: Before Marriage: She never took responsibility. She was unsuccessful because of the idiots around her, she was flawless (in her mind.) She'd borrow things, and not give them back, or only give them back when they were no longer working. I borrowed your flashlight a month ago. It's now out of batteries. She hated her father. She was trying to make her responsible for her actions. She HATED being responsible. Things were pear shaped a few days into a vacation. Her sleep was messed up… | /r/Divorce_Men | 24/03/26 02:56 AM |
| 1 | Hidden camerasThey're not small: https://ring.com/au/en/products/mini-indoor-security-camera-plug-in/color/white/power/plug-in/multipack/2-pack Instead of blocking them via MAC, you could throttle their bandwidth. Ring makes both indoor (wired) and outdoor (wireless) cameras. If they're well hidden, they're likely wireless. I agree with the others, get your own cameras. Also-- get your stuff out of those rooms, so you no longer have to go in there. And try to get out of there ASAP. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/03/26 11:47 PM |
| 6 | All that effort I spent protecting the family from external threats and the biggest one I was sleeping next to the whole time.Men are taught to work hard, and provide. They need to do this in the real world, while competing with their peers. They're taught to win competitions. When they're on a team, they work for the good of the team. If you have limited means, you live within your means. No one's going to be your prince charming. Find someone, and commit to them. Women are taught to manipulate those around them to get what they want. They're taught to act like they're on a team, to get what they want from there. They… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/03/26 05:30 AM |
| 2 | Spill the teaNot cheating, but when I finally figured out that my ex wife was a narcissist... I told her so. Naturally... she threw it back at me, saying that I was the narcissist. (Which... is one of the top techniques that a narc uses.) She was guilty of everything she accused me of: That I was lazy That I was stupid That I was playing games to cheat her out of her money That I had anger issues etc | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/03/26 03:42 AM |
| 1 | How long did you do therapy?TL;DR-- With the right therapist... it's worth it. The first therapist I had would simply listen and reflect, wasn't useful. The second one did that... but then give a few comments that would hit me like a sledgehammer, possibly saving me months. She gave me enough for me to realize that the faster I got out of my marriage, the less I'd damage my heath by staying. I did therapy for a year (fortnightly) before I didn't feel like it was adding value. I'd moved out, and the stress had passed. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/03/26 07:55 AM |
| 5 | Divorced dads, have any of you opted for every other weekend with the kids?Yes, every other weekend. I do things with the kids, and they've had *SO* many experiences. There are many things I do, that Mom can't be bothered with. Ferinstance: Teaching them to bike / biking with them Camping Hiking Looking at things under a microscope / in a telescope The downside of course is... weekends are prime time to spend with friends / on dates. So that happens on alternate weekends. | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/03/26 02:44 AM |
| -1 | The Quiet Patterns of Split Custody Nobody Tells You AboutWhat I've found is-- agree, but on the condition that she gives concessions later. You want me to take the kids for 4 hours extra today? Sure, but I'll hand them back a day early the following weekend. And then absolutely follow through with it. She quickly learned to only do it if it's something that was actually important. A few more things that have worked for me: * Only communicate via text, and keep these short. Ideally one word, worse case one sentence. * I keep records of whom owes who wh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/03/26 02:26 AM |
| 10 | I've come to the realization that on a long enough timeline women think of themselves first and men think of themselves second.I had a similar experience. Things started downhill once we were married, and steeply went downhill once we had kids. She told me I was "Priority 0". The kids get all my energy, and you get fumes, right before I collapse into bed. To her, I was an unpaid butler, who needed to be motivated through insults and broken promises. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/26 04:26 AM |
| 17 | I've come to the realization that on a long enough timeline women think of themselves first and men think of themselves second.Early stages of dating-- Is this guy tall, handsome, healthy, wealthy, well connected? Before marriage-- We're a team! I love you, and you love me! After marriage-- Men-- I'll sacrifice for my family Women-- I hate that guy. He's given me what I want, but I want more. What do I have to do, to extract more? I already have his money... now I need to figure out how to get ALL of his time. I don't need to stay fit, be affectionate, or have sex anymore. It definitely seems part of a long con. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/03/26 04:19 AM |
| 5 | Why do They Drag it OutIt's about leverage. During the relationship, she would use emotional manipulation techniques to get you to do what she wanted (when she wanted, the way she wanted.) It boils down to-- I'll make you emotionally uncomfortable enough until I get my way. When you're married... it sort of makes sense, because helping her is helping the family. And it doesn't occur to you that you're on different teams. You've committed to sacrificing for the family. She's trying to extract value. She "has" your asse… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/03/26 11:35 PM |
| 1 | What did getting divorced teach you?I'm amused how my ex will interrupt a conversation, "You know I'm a good person, right?" I don't answer, no decent human would have done that, and kept doing it, for years. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/03/26 05:22 AM |
| 2 | What did getting divorced teach you?The thing is-- when a woman gets divorced, she might get a few negative comments. And she can find a story to tell herself that she's a good person. To them... it's sounds she made to secure the time and resources of a man. When a man gets divorced, he'll likely lose half (or more) of his net worth, and possibly half of his income, and time with his kids, for years to come, enforced by the courts and law enforcement. This is not the same, not even in the same ballpark. | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/03/26 05:18 AM |
| 7 | Considering escortIn Australia, brothels are legal. Use a condom. Alternative-- Get a "rub and tug" massage. And hey-- you also get a massage out of it! Assuming it's not that frequent, it isn't that expensive, and it kept me sane-- I got what I'd consider the bare minimum intimate touching, so I didn't fall for the first chick that I met. And *that* has saved me quite a bit of heartbreak. | /r/Divorce_Men | 03/03/26 06:23 AM |
| 2 | Lack of accountabilityThink about how they were treated as a kid-- I can do what I like, and if I say the right words and/or are cute/beautiful enough... I can get away with it, scott free. Even if I am caught... I can say the right words, and someone else will "take the hit." They get good at saying the right words (to get away with it) and or the right words (so someone else gets the blame.) And they have to get better at Plan B (someone else takes the blame) because over time their pasts will catch up with them an… | /r/Divorce_Men | 26/02/26 05:26 AM |
| 1 | is this normal? lolIt sounds like: Your ex's BF is still married The BF's (STBX) wife has decided to get divorced, and served him with divorce papers Your divorce lawyer is also working for ex BF's current wife. And your lawyer couldn't possibly know that your (STBX) wife was hooking up with the BF's (STBX) wife. A quick google informed me that family attorneys handle 20-30 cases at a time. | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/26 02:42 AM |
| 3 | Fundamentals: Marriage counseling does not workThe fundamental problem with relationship counselling is-- It takes 2 people to have a relationship, and If one of those two has already decided to leave (or has otherwise checked out)... counselling is a speed bump in the way Otherwise, everything OP says is right. I particularly agree with the personal counselling part, it was really helpful for me. And my personal counsellor said many things that only made sense later. She saw things that it took me a year to see. Expect your (STBX) spouse to… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/02/26 01:23 AM |
| 4 | Joy of a divorced man#1-- Lawyer up. Talk to as many as you can, get the best one you can find. This will save you lots of money, time and heartache, long term. #2-- You lived through many hard years. Now you're a newer, wiser you. You were previously living on eggshells, avoiding her constant criticism. Now... you live in a different place, and you can actually relax. You're tired? take a nap. You're hungry? Eat what you want. You previously were likely doing chores for 2 (or more.) Yourself, the kids... and likely… | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/02/26 11:06 PM |
| 1 | Have any men here been screwed by their lawyer?I won't say screwed per se, but I wasn't their top priority. I'd ask about things, and would have to chase them to get answers/responses. If I'm paying you a princely sum, I shouldn't have to chase you to do your job. A year in, I got the feeling they just wanted it to end. And believe me... I wanted to complete the process as well! (I mean the family plan and the consent agreement, etc.) When we got to the mediation for the consent agreement... they gave me little guidance, and while I didn't g… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/26 06:31 AM |
| 2 | Nearly 3 weeks later and still no wordAs you've said... it's all yours. I'd suggest to set up another account for your daily expenses, and deposit there. Leave a token amount in the account. If she has a job... don't deposit into the joint account until there's a mutually agreed, signed financial agreement. If she doesn't have a job... put enough there to cover her portion of child support. (Which, in her situation, might be nothing or close to that. There should be estimates for that, or a lawyer can give you a range.) You might go… | /r/Divorce_Men | 04/02/26 06:14 AM |
| 2 | Move back In house is wreckedDocument the costs to get this stuff all remediated, and that should go to your lawyer. The costs for remediation should be taken from her portion of the divorce proceeds. She likely thinks that none of this will come at a cost to her. In most states... that's not the case. It's like when one spouse decides to spend all the remaining money. That's going to come out of your bucket, and if it goes to court, the offending spouse is going to be treated very poorly. | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/26 10:28 PM |
| 2 | AdviseShe's willing to be impulsive about things that will cause her to lose her job and land her in jail, and possibly injure you. Imagine what would happen if in the course of an argument, she grabbed a kitchen knife, a hammer, a boiling pot of water, etc. I'd suggest separation ASAP, with her moving out. This is a pattern my ex had-- do something abusive and impulsive, realize what she'd done, "be on her best behavior" for a week, then go back to being abusive. My ex made so MANY promises about bet… | /r/Divorce_Men | 20/01/26 10:24 PM |
| 1 | Need some opinions on what I should offer in the divorce that's fair but doesn't leave me strapped.While your goal should be fair, that's not where you should start the negotiation. I did the math with my lawyer, and figured out where the 50% mark should be. That's what I started with. My (narcissistic) ex... nauturally started it where she got 100%. Everyone knew that what she had initially proposed was crazy... and something the courts wouldn't support. Had I known she'd start with the position where she gets 100%, I should have started where she gets 40%, and slow walked until we met at 50… | /r/Divorce_Men | 18/01/26 04:30 AM |
| 4 | How are you improving your social life post divorce?If you're in Australia, check out: https://classbento.com.au/workshops-sydney Lots of classes. I took one in Blacksmithing (to do it, not to meet people), and one in cooking. Lots of women in the cooking classes. There are things on Class Bento in the major Australian cities https://www.meetup.com/en-AU/ Lots of events. I believe Meetup is worldwide. I've gone to hiking meetups, biking meetups, ones for Ex-pats, etc. The other thing is... put a recurring reminder to set up something with friends… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/01/26 06:18 AM |
| 3 | Showing emotional intelligence on profileHere's an unpopular opinion-- The women who are asking for that either-- Had a really bad experience, or, more likely, Wants someone who does all the emotional work, so they don't have to. My ex was #2. She wanted me to be an emotional punching bag, and then would complain that after verbally attacking me, I'd return the favour when I got tired. This is one of those things that makes it more likely to skip someone's profile. | /r/seduction | 24/12/25 06:43 AM |
| 1 | How do you start dating again?You may be poorer than you were before, you may still be much better off than the majority of your peers. Especially once you've gotten in shape and updated your wardrobe. I was on a date a few days ago, and the stories she told were shocking. I'm tempted to set up a phone so I can see what "the other side" sees. There are many similarly aged women in the same boat. They were in a relationship, now they're not. Now they want to be in another one. Figure out what you want... and what you don't wa… | /r/Divorce_Men | 23/12/25 02:03 AM |
| 3 | Would you take a bulletMy ex happily giggled when she saw the payout for my life insurance. For her, my death wouldn't hurt anyone she cared about. I was simply a pathetic flesh bag in the way of getting all the money (plus the life insurance payout.) She treated me like a slave to be beaten and starved. I left before she gave me a heart attack. Her taking a bullet would simply be karma returning the favour. Not just to me, but the many people she's treated like firewood. | /r/Divorce_Men | 22/12/25 11:20 AM |
| 1 | Question for divorced men. Why do some of you see an fwb instead of a prostitute for sex and vice versa why do some of you see a prostitute instead of a fwb?Wives are EXPENSIVE. I did the math, and my ex effectively earned $100k (post tax!) per year, for the 7 years, and some of those were when we were in a sexless marriage, and she was doing her best to give me a heart attack. So... given the choice between-- Spending $100k per year... (POST TAX!) on someone who's trying to kill you, or Spending $100k per year on prostitutes I know what I'd rather do. And... I can barely imagine spending $1,923 a week on prostitutes, for years on end. And... they'r… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/12/25 06:59 AM |
| 5 | Tired of the gaslighting BSStory 1: I picked up the kids one time from her place, and she said, "Could you help me with..." "Thank you, no." "And what about..." "Thank you, no." .... she was LIVID! And just couldn't understand why I didn't volunteer to do chores like a slave for her after we'd separated. Story 2: We'd separated, and had the kids 50/50. She called me, and asked me to pick up the kids, she wasn't feeling well. I was at the pharmacy, and didn't leave until I got my medications. I got there, and she had eaten… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/12/25 06:39 AM |
| 1 | Advice on Mediation/HearingIn Australia, they have a year after the divorce, or 2 years after the separation to come to a financial agreement. After that, it gets a lot harder. So by doing nothing... she gets nothing. Check on the laws where you are (and talk to your lawyer.) If she stalls for too long... it may be to your advantage. If your lawyer hasn't been good at protecting you... it's worth looking at another lawyer. What jurisdiction are you? What does the law say? Some resources that may be useful: https://mediati… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/12/25 06:00 AM |
| 1 | Dive! Duck! Dodge! I'm running out of ways of avoiding this chick and her toxic bs.Is there a way to get out? She's making your life hell. It's stressful, and likely impacting on your health. I started this process by moving out of the bedroom, I started sleeping in my office. In California, "not sharing the marital bed" is enough to be a start date for separation, and (again in CA) you need to be separated for a year before the divorce can happen. Could you move to a smaller place? It's worth discussing if it happened, the basics for a family plan. And not depositing your pay… | /r/Divorce_Men | 17/12/25 05:53 AM |
| 1 | Guys Who've Been Through Divorce: What Was the HARDEST Part to Get Used To?Right now, it's having to "play nice" with the STBX while the divorce paperwork is proceeding. Examples: She drags her feet on the financial paperwork, either not sending stuff, or sending it with the wrong dates. We agree on a date (you're both supposed to submit proof of assets as of the same date, otherwise you can play games moving money around.) She'd "forget" about accounts with >$100k. She shows up to pick up the kids late. I would like to do things with the weekend, and have planned thin… | /r/Divorce_Men | 10/12/25 02:30 AM |
| 4 | Harder than I expected: MediationI did mediation about a month ago. I should have held out for more. I did get screwed... but it could have been worse. I hated not having time to properly research things. I agreed to pay her a lump sum to not pay child support. I didn't have time to figure out if that was a win or not. I hated that I started in the middle, and she started from the position-- you get nothing, I get everything. If I'd known she'd start on one side... I would have started on the other side. Play stupid games... (e… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/12/25 06:58 AM |
| 1 | I built an AI "Divorce Dashboard" - anyone interested?And a checklist Read up on the process Consult lawyer(s) [optional] move out of the family home (or better yet... have the STBX do that) In NSW, it doesn't affect your time with the kids if you move out of the family home. In the US, it generally does, so you'll want to come up with a draft family plan first. File for divorce docs needed submit Make sure the court accepted the docs! Family plan Prep for mediation Go through mediation for the family plan (who gets the kids, when, etc) [optional] … | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/12/25 06:48 AM |
| 1 | I built an AI "Divorce Dashboard" - anyone interested?The dashboard ideally should ask for where the divorce will happen, because laws vary by state/region. I grew up in California, and now live in NSW, Australia. The laws are different in those places. So step 1 in the dashboard would be to enter the jurisdiction. Related to that: Regional stuff Spousal support would vary by region (This isn't a thing in NSW) Child support varies by region (there's an AUS formula for that) Expected split of assets varies by region. (There are NSW guidelines for th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/12/25 06:48 AM |
| 11 | Wife is and has been threating me with divorceI'm not sure why, but a lot of women do this. They decide that (after being together about 7 years), they no longer need you. You've given them everything you can... and they simply want more. Marriage is purely economic for them. I move in, you support me. Once the excitement of that fades (and you can't provide more and more)... they look for the next thrill. I agree with the others-- Get a lawyer, ASAP Do some research about how divorce works in your area She's likely decided she wants a divo… | /r/Divorce_Men | 08/12/25 11:41 PM |
| 1 | The Domestication Program: 20 Ways Modern Men Get Tamed Without NoticingAnd another prequel of what to avoid. I don't think this is true of all women, but it's definitely true of a dangerous subset. There are a population of women for whom their life's purpose is to get those around them to do as much as possible. In childhood, they had their parents wrapped around their little finger. In college, they had the harem of friend-zoned men. Now... she has you to dump her tasks on. She has high expectations, and low energy. You're expected to mind read, and do all the th… | /r/Divorce_Men | 27/11/25 12:38 AM |
| 5 | For those feeling hopeless please read thisI suspect this isn't the case. As a guy, there are huge consequences if you act like a child. As such, from a young age, you're expected to do a lot of things. To "carry the load", to "pull your weight", to help out, to "keep an even keel", keep their mouth shut, don't cry. Study hard, get a good (usually difficult) job that pays well, save money, work hard. You perform, or face homelessness. Girls are trained from a young age that the way to get what you want is to be pretty and learn to manipu… | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/25 08:01 AM |
| 33 | Ex regrets separation/divorce, looking for advice.She was unsatisfied. She likely made things very hard for you, so you wouldn't object much when she "flew the coop". She likely had someone who she was hooking up with, she was attempting to "monkey branch". It's likely that her "side piece" made for some hot hotel sex, but wasn't actually relationship material. She was expecting the new guy to shower her with gifts and ask her to marry him on the spot... and her fantasies didn't materialize. She realized she liked the comfort of your home. You … | /r/Divorce_Men | 25/11/25 06:15 AM |
| 4 | Does couple / marriage counseling work?In His Needs, Her Needs, the author, a relationship counsellor said "Marital therapy had the lowest success rate of any form of therapy at the time. In one... study I read less than 25 percent of those surveyed felt that marriage counselling did them any good, whatsoever." Most women, by the time they bring up separation/divorce, have been thinking about it for an average of 2 years. She has likely lined up the "next guy" and is already made plans about what fun things she's going to do, once sh… | /r/Divorce_Men | 15/07/25 08:59 AM |
| 2 | How is it legal that I have to pay my wife’s lawyer to build a case against me while I still pay for everything else?I'm sorry this is happening to you. It sucks. Fear is your enemy, try to be as cool and rational as you can. She will use PSA tactics-- pity, shame, anger. She'll attempt emotional manipulation. She may use your kids as a weapon. Know this... but also you owe her nothing. No money, no favors, no information. My ex was excellent at making vague legal threats... which had nothing behind them. I'd ask my lawyer, and the lawyer would say, "The law doesn't say that, you don't have to do that, you don… | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/07/25 04:45 AM |
| 0 | 50/50 custody versus other options?I'm going for 3/7, and that's every th-fr and alternate weekends. I get the kids during the week, and alternate weekends lets me see my childless friends on alternate weekends. The farther from 50%… someone's going to owe child support. | /r/Divorce_Men | 09/02/25 03:12 AM |
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