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sophrosyne2189 Archive

View 4 posts and 128 comments by sophrosyne2189 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Details please...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 03:41 PM
2

Feel this. Now I understand it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:19 PM
11

To me, moving in together with a lifelong commitment is only acceptable if you're already engaged to a man AND there's a definite date and plans set for the wedding. In all other circumstances, there would be no way to tell if the man shares your intention of lifelong commitment. Actions over intentions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 02:18 AM
1

The ending of your story sounds like O. Henry's Gift of the Magi which is a good story about real love and caring and putting the others first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 10:55 AM
1

Preach!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:48 PM
30

That's why a woman's aloofness cannot be mere strategy. You have to be able to genuinely exist without him. Otherwise you're just pretending and you're going to get tired of keeping up the facade sooner or later. I've read a great post here which says that the way you know if you are truly FDS is if you can walk away from an HV man just because you feel like it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 01:07 PM
16

Just to add to the discussion, I think one of the things a woman needs to contemplate when considering whether a man is HV is whether he is HV to you. The looks, the status, the talent, the applaudable work ethic is impressive but not HV if it does not contribute to making your life better. The question is: "does he bring high value, to you and your life specifically?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 12:10 AM
20

And it's crazy how when you're trying to move on, you remember that one nice thing and get sad again thinking that you've made a mistake when that's one nice thing in a sea of red flags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 12:45 PM
1

I have done this myself and still do this. It's hard and heartbreaking. What I just keep in mind is that I don't know this girl I'm comparing myself to. I don't know her struggles. Also, I just accept that everyone has different types and preferencr and it just so happens that I'm not the type of the person I currently want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 10:47 AM
3

That's normal. Talk to more people, you'll meet someone like him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 11:25 AM
2

What's so wrong about paranoia? Only the paranoid survive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 03:00 AM
3

This should be part of the handbook's preface. "FDS is a life-long strategy."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 02:59 AM
3

Haha. True here as well. Better just ask me out so we can talk face to face or call me because asking me endless questions throughout my day isn't going to work with me. What's harder is that, for me, this does not apply when I'm the one who texts you, which granted will be rare. I just put it down to we have different preferences and either I have to express my preference clearly in the beginning or I just have to look for someone who accepts that part of me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 02:57 AM
19

Me too please. I would love to explore the group.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 11:51 AM
11

Beautiful article. Thanks for sharing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/20 03:10 AM
10

In that situation, I think we have to be honest with ourselves and ask ourselves if we are okay with that. Are you okay that this person is not sure of a future with you? If you're not then, cut all ties. We can't change them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 10:39 AM
2

Back when my situationship ended and I was hurting and obsessing about it a lot to the point that I thought I was slowly becoming crazy, friend recommended this show for me to watch. I didn't after watching the trailers on YouTube. Told her I was afraid it would confirm my suspicions that I was a crazy girl hankering over a guy, a person I've never wanted to be in my life. She replied back with a thoughtful comment that's actually used in the show, "It's actually more nuanced than that." And now…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 02:22 AM
8

Don't think this way. If you think this way, you'll be hurried and won't take the time to know the person. Knowing the person is everything and that takes time. Being alone is much better than having kids and raising them with a bad partner. If you're really that concerned about the clock, then look into having kids on your own when you are ready.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:48 PM
8

Lundy Bancroft's work has already been suggested so that's good. Please read that. Another quote which I like and comforts me when I'm having regrets about going no contact: "Do not be afraid to break your own heart."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:30 PM
4

This is true but painful to hear. I've been one of those people who usually tell all to my friends and crushes. My friends were patient. The crushes were not and it all ended after I spewed it out. I wished it were different but that's a painful lesson from my past which I would have to accept. To the OP: a good book to read which discusses this is 'How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk' by John Van Epp and talks about how talking too much can make you feel immediate intimacy with a person ev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 01:14 PM
2

I'm in as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 08:35 AM
30

Was going to disagree with you because I had a different experience. In my experience, working class people are not polite and they are gruff BUT they are true. If you ask/plead with them for help, they'll begrudgingly help you. People in the upper echelons are polite to hide the fact they care only about themselves. They do not care about you. Of course, these are all generalizations but as I've said backed by my own experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 08:31 AM
1

Working my way through her work by order of release but this sounds good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 08:13 AM
8

This. You'll always be in trouble if you want a quick-fix. You have to learn to grin and bear the loneliness and accept that will take a long time to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:28 PM
3

Get a dog and pour all your love on him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 03:24 PM
3

I love your confidence. Now this post is getting me excited!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 10:11 AM
4

Beautiful. I can relate with all of the things you wrote. I'm 31, still havent had a boyfriend. Between ages 25-30 was the pickme years for me where I acted desperate and so needy of a man's love, and yet still didn't get the love I wanted. I was hurt so much during my last situationship that I "swore off" men; I say "swore off" but really still waiting for that elusive romantic encounter <sigh>. Like you, I'm beginning to enjoy my days without men but mostly because I've given up. Now I believe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 09:23 AM
37

This is not meant to hate on your post. You do make some valid points. However to anyone who's considering doing this, the other side is to know that this (playing games) will take a lot of mental agility and strength to pull off, unless you are naturally predisposed to be FDS. And that is mental strength/agility that, I think, is better off put into things that will help you grow into the person you want to be. Why? Because this is still a game, there is no guarantee that you will win. Whereas …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 01:38 PM
11

For this to happen, I would advocate for girls to stop watching mainstream romantic movies or love stories. In my case, consuming these stories have made me predisposed to be always on the lookout for a romantic encounter for me to fulfill my romantic dreams, at the cost of the more important things. If I had a daughter now, I'd really monitor the media she consumes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 02:02 AM
18

10 Stupid things women do to mess up their lives by Laura Schlessinger. This book is such a good read but basically she says that self esteem is formed by one:s accomplishment and actions. If you work hard and push yourself past your perceived limits in order to do the things you want to accomplish, it's a given that your self-esteem will improve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 12:58 PM
15

You go girl!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 04:33 AM
7

Another way to look at things. This is really nice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 02:00 AM
3

The first sentence is top ten rule for all girls.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 01:43 AM
4

No one comes into the world fully formed. The people who you think are lucky or elevated, I think, just managed to understand these principles much earlier than you because someone told them and they immediately believed it OR they learned the lesson once and never made the same mistake again. In my case, I had to make the mistake several times in order to see a pattern. That partly sucks but at least I learned the lesson. I think the key really is to be deliberate and reflective about one's lif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 02:50 AM
5

Can relate about the tall part hahaha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 02:58 PM
10

We have good instincts but man do we sometimes fool ourselves not to believe it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 06:47 AM
2

I wish I was this thoughtful about what I wanted to get out of school/my education. Enjoy studying. I know you will especially with this kind of mindset.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 11:44 PM
11

Not the person you're replying too but I think she means as the relationship/dating progresses, you get the feeling that he does not prioritize you as much as in the beginning of the relationship. Look at his priorities (where does he put his limited time, resources, money in) because that is a reflection of the things he values.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 03:11 PM
29

Saving this. This is a truth I keep forgetting when I'm in the throes of a new love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 02:52 PM
12

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 There are other versions of it: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 02:45 PM
8

Find something more important than him and involve yourself in it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 09:46 AM
2

The INTJ women I know have been naturally FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 06:18 AM
1

I just came across a thread in r/dating advice on red flags in which one of the comments stated that emotional invulnerability/being unable to express one's feeling is a red flag. One particular commenter (presumably a man) reacted to said comment to say how unfair that was because what if the person just likes to keep to himself. And I fumed inwardly haha. "If you wanted to keep things to yourself, why even enter a relationship at all? Why don't you just hang out with yourself then or friends w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 05:58 AM
3

If anything these kinds of subs reinforce my belief that there should be a special classes for girls growing up about how the world really works and as a counterpoint to the prevalent notion of love and romance which popular culture perpetuates. There are some lucky girls/women of course who develop an FDS mindset without having to experience heartache but for the rest of us, I don't think we can make good choices about dating, love, and relationships, especially as it is now, without the kind o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 05:50 AM
48

Thank you for this reminder. This reminded me of one of my legitimate fears even if I'm not yet married. Husband taking a video of me to share with the boys' club. This goes hand in hand with the rule not to send nude photos of yourself to anyone, not even your husband. The same logic applies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 11:14 PM
2

Reminds me of this quote by Cheryl Strayed:"Be brave enough to break your own heart."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 04:18 PM
2

This is true. Which is why I think the solution to love bombing is to wait it out and learn to observe. People's true intentions will eventually pop up, it just takes time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 02:04 AM
3

Two Weeks Notice - Sandy Bullock Hugh Grant's an LVM who Might have turned HVM in the end but Sandy's character is a non Pickmeisha who has her own life and lives her passion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 01:35 PM
7

I don't have a lot of friends and with the friends I have it took a few years before we actually started talking about real things. For a long time, I thought my struggle were mine alone including the sending of paragraphs haha. Now because of FDS, I'm kind of relieved and a bit comforted because I know I'm not crazy and my reaction of sending paragraphs is a normal reaction. Not advisable but at least normal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 01:08 PM
6

The exchange you posted does not prove anything to me. However I feel you are uncomfortable about exes. I suggest that this is something you bring up with him I.e. draw your boundary about this particular topic. If you don't like talking about exes because it makes you feel ____, then express that to him. And see how he reacts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 12:58 PM
19

Therefore, the only sane solution is not to play.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 02:36 PM
20

This is true. And sadly 😞 knowledge that came too late for me. This goes hand in hand with the adage that if a person loves you, you'll know it without question. If you're questioning if the person loves you, he probably doesn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 11:39 AM
16

Just my 2 cents. It is never your fault if a person is not that into you. Sadly, it also worka the other way around: is also not their fault. (Unless of course, said person leads you on, lies, and wastes your time) You can't force someone to love and care for you in the same way that you can't force yourself to love and care for someone . So I don't think there's any "taking the blame going on here."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/05/20 11:35 AM
6

Adding to my FDS vocabulary
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 02:36 PM
14

I'm writing down my list of standards/boundaries and one thing I wrote down is NO CLOSE FEMALE FRIEND. I know it sounds harsh and maybe even impossible but those are my boundaries. I don't want him to have another female voice in his head and also I just don't want to give myself another thing to worry about. For female acquaintance/s, the rule Inwrote down is he cannot hang out with her alone. Ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 02:30 PM
8

For my friend group, it's psychology, new interesting trivia, books, and movies which have grabbed our interest. Since we see each other 3x a year at most, we also talk about dating and love lives since that's really the only opportunity to be updated about each other as we are not very good texters with each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 10:37 AM
42

Queen energy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 01:28 PM
1

The 10 Stupid Things according to Dr. Laura Schlessinger 1.) Stupid attachment: Looking to the context of a man to find and define yourself; 2.) Stupid courtship: Becoming a beggar, not a chooser, in the dating ritual because you are desperate to have a man; 3.) Stupid devotion: Finding yourself driven to love and suffer and succor (or is that sucker) in vain; 4.) Stupid passion: Having sex too soon, too romantically, setting yourself up to be burned; 5.) Stupid cohabitation: Lying to yourself a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/20 04:02 AM
8

I feel bad for her reading this because it's hard when someone meets your criteria for the person you want but cannot treat/love you the way you want them to. Maybe in addition to the standards she wants for a man, she should also put down the standards for how she wants to be treated like being chased or pursued and also be prioritized. That will narrow down her options and make her appear FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 10:14 AM
9

This. I love and get exasperated with her at the same time and just try to sit through these conflicting feelings. But she is aware though! Recently told me "what a bastard love/feelings are... And if she didn't feel anything, she would not put up with the way she's treated." Anyway, her advice to me regarding love and dating is "Don't love anyone." Hahaha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 10:09 AM
6

Also realized this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 10:04 AM
8

This. I've always thought that "You can't have everything you want." was true and that somewhere down the road I'd have to settle. FDS taught me that I can choose not to settle and that it's okay to stay single rather than compromise on my standards. This concept was very new to me. Granted, I still think that fear will grip me in the end and cause me to settle, but right now I'm fighting it off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 10:02 AM
5

Following the pain-pleasure principle, if you have not left this guy after all the things he has done to you, it means you have not yet suffered enough pain to end it altogether. You have two options: either you wait until you reach the peak of your suffering where you'll finally be able to say "Enough is enough." Or you leave now and you save yourself any of the new pain he will deal to you. Note that at this point, he has already put his hands on you. There is nowhere else to go but up. Logist…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 07:17 AM
9

True. That's why I'm a bit skeptical about books or materials used to try to fix this avoidant tendency. I rallied against this tendency of mine once (tried to be more energetic and outgoing and talkative) and became anxiously attached. I could not believe it that I was becoming the clingy one. Never again. I actually have a theory that a couple who is both avoidant can be fit for each provided that they can communicate their boundaries and meet in the middle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/20 12:01 PM
4

Calm down. Look up AND read Ellen Fein's The Rules or Sherry Argov's Why Men Love Bitches or Greg Behrendt's He's Just Not That Into You.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 02:52 PM
2

Hi! Thank you for taking the time to comment. It's just a jobto be honest but I actually intend to hang on longer to it as I'm just at the start of my professional career and have not yet experienced much and still have much to learn. I've thought about changing jobs but my office has just been supportive of me and my studies (financially to be specific) that I don't want to just leave them hanging just because of this guy although it's really been at the back of my mind definitely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/20 04:29 PM
6

This made think again about how parents should take the time to control the media that their kids are consuming. Because honestly, it starts from there. I know I've been shaped by the quotes, books, and movies I've watched some for the better, but others for the worse. I'm taking notes of this in case I ever have children in the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 04:22 PM
20

Haha! Now I have the sneaking suspicion that the adage, "Follow Your Heart" as used in relationships was actually formulated by men as a strategy to lead women on. Why else would us women stay in a shitty relationship or put ourselves in physical/moral/emotional/spiritual dangers if not for the sake of following our hearts?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 04:06 PM
1

The Closer. Brenda Leigh Johnson, a former pick-me turned badass deputy chief of the LAPD. It ran for 7 seasons. TV Gold!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 07:17 AM
1

Howls moving Castle is an excellent movie where a girl, regardless of her looks, turned an LV man to an HV man and captured his heart! Literally, haha! Must watch!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 07:13 AM
1

I used to feel the same way about you and thought how it was so unfair. Later on, I think it comes down to asking: "What do you really like about him?" Do you like the person himself and his actions of care about you OR do you like the person he seems to be based on a few interactions? Based on my experience, unless you have known this person for at least 1 year (and sometimes that's not even enough), those are two very different persons you have just conflated together. I know I did. Now once h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 07:09 AM
1

Seconding this but I think I have to read it again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 03:55 AM
3

😆 Thank you! You betcha I'm gonna do that when I'm in a good relationship. Or better maybe I won't even care enough then. Haha!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 02:04 AM
6

In my opinion, I don't think it's low value to ask this. For a couple of reasons: 1.) I believe a good relationship should be one where you can be candid and talk about everything. If you don't talk to him about this, when you are genuinely curious, that to me seems like you're walking on eggshells around the issue and to me that is never good. What about other more pressing matters in the future? Although course there's a limit. To me, volunteering info about the ex without any prodding might b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 04:10 PM
6

Thanks for this. Right now, I know this is the only thing I can do. To suck it up. I've gotten better at it but sometimes a particular comment will just hit me hard out of nowhere. Taught me an especially invaluable lesson that I didn't believe in before. Don't form relationships at work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 03:57 PM
3

Anyone have tips on how to deal with a situatonship-ex who I still work with. I was hurt so much when the situationship ended but because I work with him, I can't really block him and I still have to act professional. That's okay, I have no problem with acting professional. In fact, I even act pleasant. But he keeps injecting sly comments or remarks OUT LOUD in my presence like "I'm not single..." Or "Got to go, guys. I'm going on a date." I find it so painful 😭 that I have to tolerate what I fi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 11:55 AM
14

Hi! This is it! Please note that he does not explicitly say it. It is implied though when he discusses that men should be more honest. I hope you enjoy. :) https://youtu.be/UAqj2LHYKt4
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 11:41 AM
49

A video of Devon Franklin was shared recently in the sub. I watch the whole video and he talked about this and he said that when it feels like the man is starting to fade on you or becoming absent-minded or careless about your needs, that's the sign they know you aren't the one. Edit to say: It's a must-watch!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 11:00 AM
7

Thank you! Totally relate to this. I was duped by this Follow Your Heart-shizz, that was all over the internet, into a Pickmeisha phase that had me crying my heart out over men because I was stomping all over my reason and gut feels. My mother just told me one day that "there's a reason your brain is placed higher than your heart. It's because your Head should come first."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 10:27 AM
7

I think the right way to approach Shallon Lester's videos is to see her stories about the celebrities as case studies from which she distill her advice of what and what not to do. For those who think it's unfair to the celebrities who she bash: I don't know how prosecution for libel/defamation works in the U.S. but I'm sure Shallon has experience with it, working for a gossip magazine for a long time, as she says. Now, I don't feel 100% sure about the things she says about these celebrities and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/20 01:43 AM
4

My suggestion for your situation: Get a piece of paper. Write down all your complaints in your career, dating, life, etc. in one page. Now arrange these complaints into two columns dividing them into things you can do something about and things you can't do something about (out of your hands). Be honest with yourself when you do this. Improving your looks is something you can work on; having an HV man find you and pursue you, not so much (well, you can do something but there's no promise of it t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 04:12 PM
4

It is abuse if the man prolongs or allows the woman to prolong the situation. Feelings of infatuation/attraction is a drug. It's not like you can automatically delete your feelings for someone once they tell you that they don't see you as relationship material. Especially for women. And especially when sex is already involved in the relationship. If a man is truly decent, he would back up his words with his actions and not contact the girl further. FDS principles and actions (like leaving the ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 03:06 PM
9

Good for you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 02:45 PM
28

I always doubted myself on this. I thought all kinds of terrible things about myself how I was so unforgiving or I just push people away WHEN I act bitchy, offended, and don't take any shit from the men around me. FDS and some good quality 'dating' books were what opened my eyes to the fact that I was just acting in my best interest, albeit unconsciously, when I did these things. (Granted, I'm not yet 100% there. I'll still be apologetic sometimes, even if the only reason I became mad is because…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 02:45 PM
3

This is a good breakdown of basic FDS principles. Granted, this breakdown wouldn't have happened if not for the FDS handbook. I sometimes think it's sad that we have to learn these principles from our OWN mistakes and pain but that's just how people learn I guess. And #6 is gold.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 02:30 PM
1

Oh my gosh. I thought I was the only one who experienced this. I wanted to share this with someone but I thought they would just think I'm weird. I do know it when someone is not for me, it's when my stomach hurts after hanging out with the person and feels like my stomach can't digest anything. However, I did not listen to this gut feel and had my heartbroken 💔 TWICE. Now I know when I need to listen and hope that I don't forget again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 01:05 PM
7

I actually have a contradictory opinion: Look him up and see how he's doing. I think being informed is an alternative strategy if you can take it. I used to do the same strategy: block and avoid looking him up. However, I just keep wondering how he is, idealizing the past, and making fantasy scenarios in my head about him realizing his mistake and coming back to me. One day, I got tired of telling myself not to look him up so I just did. And I saw his posts and pictures of himself with his new g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 04:01 PM
7

A female boss told me that a friend of hers moved abroad to marry her boyfriend leaving behind her family and friends in our country. The boyfriend was sweet to her which was why she agreed to move to get married. Fast forward to the present where said friend just informed my boss that her husband had a total turn-around after the marriage. He hit her and now she wants to leave him and go back to our country. Edit to say: It hasn't even been one year after the marriage. Sigh. These are the true …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 05:23 PM
6

I was about to do a posts on this same thing when I realized the music I was consuming was soooo pickme in encouraging doing everything for a man. (Exhibit 1: The song "Through the Fire") Stopped listening altogether. This also applies to movies. You could be FDS but if you watch romantic comedies with Pickme messages and leads, you risk questioning FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 04:38 PM
3

This woman friend is a thinker and very rational about how she approached things. On a birthday card, I wrote to her I told her she was the wiser one of the two of us and I was very lucky for that. Would highly recommend!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 06:20 PM
1

I wont agree with this for the moment because I don't know if it'll just be confirmation bias on my part. Although it might be that I just don't want to acknowledge it haha (which is more likely the case.) But I was not as surprised when men I was not attracted to exhibited low value behaviors as when men I was attracted to exhibited them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 06:11 PM
26

A married female friend I looked up to told me straight out that the guy I was sobbing over was not into me and did not feel the same as I felt about him. That woke me up good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 12:03 PM
2

I used to have full-on anxiety: 1.) about the next lover; and 2.) The fact that I am feeling anxious about it. Every time I would meet a cute girl, I'll think to myself, "He'll like this girl better than me." And just the thought will ruin my day. It was and is SO CRAZY. I've brought it up with a friend who could relate and jokingly but with full conviction told me that "aside from <insert name of a HVW-friend> no girl is higher than us, and our friend is already getting married." Now, that mind…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 01:54 PM
6

Red flags with a great smile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 11:33 AM
12

I try to look at my friends' boyfriend's generosity. A friend's boyfriend (note that I don't label him as anything as I can't tell but my friend's pretty happy and well-taken care of so far) paid for all of their trips so far. He paid for their trip to Japan and Singapore. My friend chipped in for food, souvenirs but the rest was taken care of by the guy who planned the trip as a gift to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 11:26 AM
4

Not person you replied to but this reminder is precious. Thank you!! 🥺
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 11:22 AM
2

I didn't get mad but got teary-eyed remembering how it felt like when I experienced the same thing in the past. Realizing that as much as you like the person, the person doesn't even consider you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 05:37 AM
2

Never had a relationship and thought before that there was something wrong with me. So for a few years in my late twenties, I became a pickme, hanging on to guys and situationships in desperation. Now, not anymore. I've talked to acquaintances who have been cheated on in past relationships and realized how precious my lack of experience is. Although the failed situationships did hurt me, they amounted to lesser baggage in the present moment. My peace of mind and mental health is very important t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/20 04:22 AM
3

If you knew then what you do now, you would have done things differently. But you didn't. You acted and decided in accordance with what you think was in the past the best course of action. Forgive yourself and be gentle with yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 03:09 PM
1

I think, yes, just based on the fact that people can and do change. But as one commenter said already, that is not something you should wait around for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 03:04 PM
3

A celebrity in my country had this done to her. She cut off the friend and she cried on National TV about it. The guy (who's also a celebrity) ended up dumping the close friend (also a celebrity) later. You really lose them how you get them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/20 08:53 AM
2

What kind of 🤡-world is this? I would have done the same in my past deeply in love state. 😔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 09:19 AM
3

Hi. Thanks for answering. Can't believe that we women can put up with bad LVM behavior and yet something like this is still out there and is a possibility (of course not guaranteed but well you can treat yourself well like this when you're single) I really relate with the intelligence and opinion part. I was hanging out with someone I had a crush on 4 years ago and I was happily telling him about all the books I read so far and he started using his phone and focusing on it. I continued talking b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/20 02:22 AM
3

Thanks so much. Godspeed to you and your relationship. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 03:36 PM
6

Thanks for sharing your experience. :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 11:13 AM
6

Can really relate with the justification part because it's been put into our heads that no relationship is perfect. Of course that doesn't mean that we shouldn't look for one that's perfect to us where we are treated well. However how can we know for sure? And people do change. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 11:09 AM
22

I knew he was high value because he treats everyone in his life so good. He would remember friends birthdays and bring them gifts, if he noticed a seniors yard was unkempt he’d go over and fix it up, if your car broke down he’d drive miles to come pick you up. He’s just such a nice guy without expecting anything in return. I really like this. I think being a good person in general and not just to you is a sign of a high value person in and of itself. Of course, he must be good to you as well. I'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 11:06 AM
7

This is nice. Thanks for sharing your experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 11:01 AM
11

Hi. Thanks for taking the time to reply. Swooning about him matching your emotional energy. Hope that I'm able to find someone like this though I still have work to do as I know my energy can be emotionally avoidant. Can you give stories about the start of your relationship? About how it progressed and such.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 11:00 AM
10

Thank you so much. I asked these questions because ai think it's very hard to distinguish between an imperfect HV relationship and just a low value relationship in general if the person always has LV relationships as a reference. I hope that I remember to go back to this if and when I am considering a relationship with a man. Edit: I just want to add that I hope you'll share with us some of these stories once they are done. I'm actually thinking of recommending starting an FDS Book Club of sorts…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 07:55 AM
3

And men are good at explaining things away ESPECIALLY if you are in love with such person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 07:51 AM
3

Thank you for replying. Would you say that he met 100% of your standards and preferences? If not, then what did you have to compromise on? Also, would you say that the relationship is easy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 07:38 AM
3

I feel like if you want to be in a good relationship, you can't be lazy. Consistency is key. I know it's just so tempting to just let one small thing slide when you're tired, unfocused, and don't want to argue. Feels like that would be a big mistake now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 07:20 AM
2

You said it yourself, he is a LIAR. Every word and feelinf therefore he ever shared with you should be questioned now. You say he loves you. But what does that LOVE really mean? Maybe you should ask yourself if this person really knows how to love considering what he did to his wife? When he married this woman, he promised to love and cherish her and yet look at what he did to her. My advice is evaluate the kind of man he is, irrespective of the way he made you feel. If he really was all that me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 07:08 AM
14

It's interesting that you found "because he respects me" as a sign of his high value. I would say that the same is true for me as I also want a partner to respect me and my opinions. But anyway, I found it interesting because I read a book before which stated that the key to a happy marriage is when the man LOVES the woman, and when the woman RESPECTS the man. I forgot the explanation behind the rule, but I remember thinking, couldn't LOVE and RESPECT for both parties be better? Anyway, can you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/20 06:43 AM
25

I love Amal! Envious that she practices in the field of law that she does (Human Rights) as I'm also in the legal field. I think Kate Middleton is an example of a pickme that woke up and became high value though of course one cannot really say for sure. I remember reading that when Prince William dumped her (because he wanted to date other people), she didn't stick around all that long feeling sorry for herself or clinging to him. She expanded her horizons (joined a rowing team, etc.) Later on, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 01:04 PM
3

I'm not quite the type to savor things as I'm a pretty speedy person, in general (which I guess translates to my love life.) I like for things to be quick and direct, if possible. So I don't yet understand the feeling of being bored and dissatisfied about the future part but it's still a possibility and something I will have to consider and perhaps be another motivation to develop patience in the future. Thank you for the additional insight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 05:14 PM
6

Hi. I can't remember the book which I read it from, but one advice there for us ladies is that TIME IS YOUR FRIEND IN DATING. E.G. Giving things time allows us to see and observe who the other person is and to determine if the person is the right fit for us. Usually (but not always) one of the reasons why we make mistakes in relationships is that we give in to our intense feelings or are too impatient so we try to speed things up to our preference, only for us to realize that the other party is …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 04:43 PM
6

Thanks! I thing this is a really fitting quote for us ladies. Which is why we should not be afraid of the supposed WALL espoused by those-who-should-not-be-named. The concept of the WALL makes us believe that we are pressed for time, when in truth we are not. By giving in to the fear, we become impatient and try to speed things up in the connection not giving us enough time to get the other person. NOT GOOD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 04:42 PM
24

Thanks for covering this topic. I've been experiencing something like this for a long time now where a romantic interest's name would flash in my head EVERYDAY and I would have no choice but to reminisce about them. It's exhausting because I'm aware I'm doing it (and so quite resistant) but I just can't help myself. What's funny is that I've been doing this for a long time now for different guys, and I've noticed this "habit" just now because "a new cycle" is starting in my head for a guy who I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 12:48 PM
6

What does it for me is repeating to myself and accepting that in life there are no guarantees. Even if I marry someone who I perceived to be an HVM, does that mean that the marriage will last forever? No, not necessarily. Even if no one cheats, people can change and grow so different that continuing the marriage will no longer be an option. In such a scenario, no one was at fault and yet the marriage still ended. Knowing how unpredictable life is comforts me in my anxieties about my singleness. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 11:55 AM
5

One thing I've learned and try to keep learning (and squeezing into this hardheaded noggin of mine) is that there is no one foolproof way to keep an HVM. There is just no one who can give you that kind of advice. When my best friend was about to get married, I asked her how she could do it knowing that her husband could wake up one day and betray her out of nowhere and this is her reply: "There is no guarantees. Nothing is guaranteed.... You just love. Love is not wasted. The love you give will …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 05:31 AM
5

Just feel what you feel. Don't suppress anything. This too shall pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 05:21 AM
6

Loneliness is a motherfucker. I was a bit miffed when I read that you initiated to text men who have hurt you in the past. But then realized that I'm also guilty of staying in contact with the same. Sadly getting out of the cycle is not easy and not a straightforward one. The only thing I found which helped me is through sheer brute force which is painful to implement. But I guess that's how you handle addictive behavior? Feeling lonely and want to text someone? Delete the number. Need help and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/20 05:09 AM
15

Old post, but I just wanted to give my two cents here. I was in the same situation until I came across a man who I really liked. I basically threw away the vetting process for this guy. I just wanted to be near him all the time. Hahaha. And it didn't end well. When I read your post I was like I'm like this and yet this still happened to me? And I realized that while we can be as cool as a cat for men we don't like, it is important for us to be alert that we can easily and altogether throw away t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 04:20 PM
3

I hope one mod will start an introvert-extravert poll of the members of FDS. I think the lack of social supportsocial ife can really contribute to the development of Pickmeisha qualities and I think introverted women or those who are not very social due to other factors are particularly susceptible to this. Since we can be set and contented with only a few people as friends/lovers, it can be hard for us to let go when we realize that one of those few people turns out to be low value. I know this…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 08:57 AM
27

Not an OP of the thread but for me one of the signs was that I did not find my then crush's jokes/humor funny or witty (though at the time I tried my best to look like it was funny just the same.) I don't know if I'm exaggerating this but I think humor which I can appreciate is a good sign of intelligence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 12:31 PM
4

I would like to suggest "Getting to I Do" by Patricia Allen. The title sounds Pickmeisha but trust me, it's less that and more how to become a high value woman. It's epigraph reads: "The women's movement brought us independence but it did not bring us love." Another good read is "The New Rules of Love, Sex, and Dating" by Andy Stanley. Has a religious bent which I liked. One of the takeaways from this book is an encouragement to take a break from looking for love and focus on other things for 1 …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 12:24 PM
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