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spnkdwife Archive

View 5 posts and 59 comments by spnkdwife on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

For example, its one thing to be Red Pill, ask for a blow job, and have her comply. Its a totally different thing to have a wife who enjoys giving you blowjobs and proactively offers them because she wants to please you (*the latter based on several RedPillWomen comments I've read). I could tell her to wear a dress, and pick out her outfit every day, and she could comply - or she could do a great job dressing herself because she wants to look good for me. Have you read the book "Surrendered Wife…
/r/RedPillWomen11/07/14 09:50 PM
1

I'm glad I saw this post because I have been having a similar problem but not with my MIL, rather my own mother. It is comforting to know there are other's with similar parent problems so thank you!
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/14 10:03 PM
1

When it was just my husband and I we instead each ate a larger lunch and then what most would consider a snack for dinner/supper.
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/14 09:45 PM
1

I know this will sound crazy, but I actually do 4 meals per day for my family (2 kids, 1 husband & me). Breakfast is in the AM and is usually fruit, yogurt, oatmeal (for kids & me), quinoa (for husband) and some bacon (sometimes). Lunch is packed for all four of us each day. For husband it is actually enough for two meals (lunch & dinner) and usually consists of leftovers from the main supper entree day before, a small salad, hard boiled egg, pear/apple, LARABAR, bag of mixed nuts, Greek yogurt …
/r/RedPillWomen23/06/14 08:50 PM
1

Okay so I have two perspectives - one as the sister of a smothered brother and one as the parent of son just entering the pre-teens. My mother smothered my brother and today, he is a complete beta and married to a woman who knows it and uses it to keep him in the marriage even though she probably doesn't love him but he is a good provider, etc. Most of her smothering techniques included motherly guilt, questioning his decisions, not helping him get his driver's license (a friend's father finally…
/r/RedPillWomen20/06/14 04:52 PM
3

Interesting take on this - he's taken photos of me before, but he's always a bit disappointed they don't look as good a professional ones (ala lighting, touch up, etc.)
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/14 08:25 PM
2

I didn't think about the gender issue of the photographer so I will be sure to look for a female photographer.
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/14 08:24 PM
2

We've been married 16 years and I've figured out that he mostly appreciates the things I can do for him that no one else can or will: Get up at 5am with him every work day morning and make his lunch for him. Bake him something sweet - he is allergic to wheat so it is always from scratch. Keep the kids away from him for 20 mins when he gets home - he needs the downtime/decompress. On special occasions like Father's day, Anniversary, Birthday I try to plan something outdoors since he really like t…
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/14 06:48 PM
1

This quote struck me as so true: To the wife, the marriage itself has such an intrinsic value – how could he walk away from that? But many men felt that, yes, they were part of it and they went along with it because she seemed to want it so much, but the institution of marriage was not what was keeping him there. It’s his wife that he wants. When his feelings for her waver, it’s not that hard to walk away from the rest. I've always cringed when someone says "happy wife - happy life" because it s…
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/14 06:41 PM
3

I do the 30 minute circuit at our our local gym 3 times per week and a brisk walk around our neighborhood (comes out to about 2.5 miles) on the other days. I like the circuit because it works all parts of your body, is clear and is timeboxed - a big thing for me since I am always time-crunched !!
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/14 06:37 PM
1

Sorry I just saw this! I've been grounded (for lack of better words) from the internet for the past two months since it was distracting me from getting things done around the house. Anyway, if you have specific non-sexual questions regarding our arrangement, feel free to ask.
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/14 06:30 PM
1

These guidelines emerged after our first child was born and I had started putting the child before him. That was roughly 13 years ago, we've been married for almost 16 years. Prior to that, we had what I would consider an unspoken but understood 51/49 relationship; however, perhaps we had talked about it, but I don't remember? I clearly remember the discussion we had after our first child and my focus had shifted from him to the child. It was not pleasant, but looking back on it, had we not had …
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/14 10:38 PM
3

I don't know what the official RPW opinion is on D/s relationships, I can only tell you what my opinion is as a self-identified RPW. I think it fits in nicely with RPW, in that in any D/s relationship there is a leader (the D) and a follower (the s). For us, we have a 51/49 split - he gets a 51% "vote" as it were, I get 49%. It doesn't mean he is always right, and that we always do what he wants, when he wants, but it does mean that has his wife, I have agreed to provide him with my opinion on t…
/r/RedPillWomen02/04/14 09:06 PM
1

I use my femininity a lot at work. I'm not overly feminine, but I work with all males (software engineer). I have found that, when there is a dispute as to how to proceed, if I approach the discussion in a feminine manner, rather than "alpha female" manner, I get a lot more respect and I also can convince the "beta guys" to go my way. We have one or two alpha males in our group, and I know that with them, its best to let them lead, as opposed to trying to best them in discussions.
/r/RedPillWomen11/02/14 09:20 PM
1

to build muscle you need to eat in a surplus and to lose fat you have to eat in a deficit. This has always been a problem area for me - I just can't seem to GAIN weight and I am thinking if what I do is build muscle, I will have to eat more and then in turn, build strength. Thanks for the tip on the Starting Strength program - I will check it out :)
/r/RedPillWomen29/01/14 05:35 PM
1

Rules around facebook for me are: Keeping in touch with extended Family - okay Posting pictures of my kids - not okay Keeping in touch with old friends -okay Friend-ing co-workers - not okay Really has nothing to do with RPW except #2 which was a direct request from my husband.
/r/RedPillWomen28/01/14 10:34 PM
1

Thanks! I think I will put this on my "list" for this year.
/r/RedPillWomen28/01/14 10:31 PM
2

How did you get into lifting? I've often considered it, but not sure how to quite go about it. I tend to need some hand holding on the fitness things.
/r/RedPillWomen28/01/14 09:22 PM
1

I liken this chapter to the safety lecture at the beginning of a flight. If the overhead oxygen masks appear and you are seated next to a child or individual who requires assistance, place the mask on yourself first, then offer assistance. In the context of a surrendered wife, if you aren't taking care of yourself, you are of no help to anyone else. So when I find myself beginning to feel overwhelmed or hurt or taken advantage of in our marriage, I remember the airplane safety lecture, and pause…
/r/RedPillWomen28/01/14 04:33 PM
2

If I'm being a really good wife, and my husband says something mean, isn't it okay to say, "wow, that was really hurtful"? Is this part how you maintain your self-respect while you surrender to him? Yes.
/r/RedPillWomen28/01/14 04:29 PM
2

I've really thought about this and I think the reason I have difficulty with the book is that it seems so cut and dry and somewhat manipulative to the man. From the book, I get that the wife is doing all of this because she thinks it is good for the marriage, yet she doesn't tell him anything about it? Why? Isn't he in the marriage too? FWIW, my husband knows I've read this book as well as Fascinating Womanhood (FW) and we've talked about it (not at length of course) but have discussed the conce…
/r/RedPillWomen28/01/14 04:27 PM
5

This is hard, but try to remember, there is more than one way to do something and your way is not necessarily the "right" way. Now, did he mess up with the fly? Sure. But, who does the grocery shopping? Does he know how much you spend and how much work you put into it? Is he aware of the same things you are aware of? I bet not, so you can't expect him to take the same care you would with these things. So, if he offers to do it for you, you can either say, "No that's ok, I got this." Or you can l…
/r/RedPillWomen28/01/14 04:20 PM
2

it's just hard for me to ever picture "she's not cooking enough" to be the problem in a relationship. As an RPW, who cooks pretty much everyday and packs her husband's lunch every morning, typically with leftovers from the night before, I can say that this "cooking enough" thing can be a hitch in a relationship. Several times he has asked me to "pack more" or "make more" of XYZ because when he takes it into work, the other guys mention how their wives don't cook and having even home-cooked lefto…
/r/RedPillWomen28/01/14 04:15 PM
17

me: 'don't you like having sex with him?' friend: 'i just cant be bothered, I would rather sleep. Well having had two children two years apart I can relate to the preference for sleep. Infants and toddlers are not nice to your sleep cycle. As for if this is the norm - in most marriages I know of - yes. As for is this the standard in my marriage - no. The only time we've had a dry spell is immediately after giving birth (so that's like 12 weeks total in our 15 year marriage since we have two kids…
/r/RedPillWomen24/01/14 10:57 PM
2

I don't think 'career' women realise how HARD being a homemaker is! Spending just an hour with a toddler is exhausting. Work is pretty easy by comparison. (just my observation) some people just like to project their own unhappiness on others. As a woman with a job, kids and a husband - its freakin' hard. Ideally, I'd like to stop working, but with one special needs kid who requires lots of expensive therapies (not covered by insurance), that's not an option. So I've adjusted and work less than f…
/r/RedPillWomen24/01/14 08:49 PM
2

Here's how I deal with it: Exercise Vent to a friend (seriously I have one friend close enough I can do this with) Have my husband spank me. 3 is not for everyone I know but we have, and have had for quite a long time, a domestic discipline marriage. And while it is sort of me relying on him, he does understand that it does reduce my stress and anxiety since somehow it a physical manifestation of him being in-charge.
/r/RedPillWomen24/01/14 06:30 PM
3

I agree to a point - if he asks about it I think it best to let him know. If he doesn't, then don't. For the record I've read this book twice and I still don't quite feel entirely comfortable with it. I can't quite figure out why, but I just don't.
/r/RedPillWomen24/01/14 06:26 PM
5

What you are going through is a process of reversing your relationship with your wife. You want her to go from a bitchy unattracted wife to a loving sex-happy wife. This will take some time. Years even. I agree with this. If one partner goes RP, the other does has some catch-up to do. Start by not putting up with any sort of sass from her. Don't go on a tirade or anything, just give her The Look and say "You done?" Reward her good behavior, punish her bad behavior, be cocky/funny, be confident, …
/r/RedPillWomen24/01/14 06:24 PM
5

Could it be that women need emotional support, leadership, good sex, successful genes from their guy (but not faithfulness), while guys do need faithfulness, sex, childbearing, etc from women? I think most women need faithfulness. However, I think the "degree" of faithfulness is based on each individual. Some women believe that men watching porn as "unfaithfulness", others wouldn't stand for "their man" to go to a strip club because to them, that is being unfaithful. Still others won't go for a …
/r/RedPillWomen28/10/13 04:58 PM
1

We have them - two of them. We waited until I was done with college (my choice).
/r/RedPillWomen23/10/13 05:49 PM
2

If I could upvote this more I would. I have chosen the "lesser career" option. I'm a software engineer who works on legacy (aka: old) systems. I work "full-time" if you consider full-time to be 32 hours a week. I have two kids and a fully employed husband (who works 50+ hours per week). He has the financial provider side, I have the primary caregiver side and we are lucky enough to have parents who want to spend time with their grandchildren and are willing to help out as needed by us (something…
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/13 08:16 PM
1

We met at work, sort of. He worked the graveyard shift and I worked the morning shift so our shifts overlapped by 1 hour. I would say it was by chance and certainly I knew I was looking for marriage. He wasn't thinking marriage at all at the beginning which didn't put me off, but I also didn't take him seriously on a lot of things because of that and I told him so. 3 months later, we were engaged and he moved in. We married 15 months after that (I wanted to finish college first). We've been marr…
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/13 08:05 PM
2

If you want a good start in cooking that has lots of easy recipes that guys like I suggest the Jamie Oliver cookbooks. He's a guy! His recipes usually use 5 ingredients or less! and they are pretty healthy too. Also, don't be shy about asking older women in your family what their cooking secrets are. I learned alot from my grandmother and once she passed away she willed me her cookbook (I'm the only grand-daughter). Many of her recipes are one's I still use today esp. at family gatherings. As fo…
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/13 07:04 PM
2

The biggest relationship mistake I made was right after the birth of our first child. I put the child first (naturally) but to the exclusion of my husband. Luckily for us, my husband was "man enough" to demand some attention and explain how, although he loves our son, the kids cannot come first all the time. We were able to work out a scenario where on Friday evenings, either my mother or his mother would pick up our son and we would have Friday nights together. This eventually led to kid #2 abo…
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/13 06:50 PM
1

I read the book and I can say that many of her ideas are RedPill but on the other hand, her husband seems a little too loose with his temper. I do agree that with regards to sex - men get cranky and irritable when they don't get it and it can be in the best interest of the relationship to give it when they want it.
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/13 06:40 PM
1

Men who spank their women are doing it right. Men who express their emotions with their fists need to be stopped. I totally agree with this as a wife who has been spanked and the younger sister of an abusive older brother. Sit them down, explain what rule they broke, explain why it's a rule, calmly apply the prescribed punishment, and then hug them because it's over with? Discipline. This is exactly how things play out in our household when it comes to discipline. My husband also never disciplin…
/r/RedPillWomen14/10/13 06:36 PM
1

Yes I thought the kids ages didn't match up which leads one to wonder if indeed her husband is the father of her children?
/r/RedPillWomen20/09/13 05:32 PM
1

Definitely not RedPill - but still interesting in that she ends the article stating that while her friend may be happy, she is "happier"
/r/RedPillWomen19/09/13 09:14 PM
1

She seems to be suggesting that a new era of social dynamics would include a lot more stay-at-home dads, or perhaps a version with equal (read: same) roles for men and women. Based on my understanding, that's not really RP Interesting because I didn't get that sense from her comments. I took it as her saying that as a society we have to better support working families (whatever that shape may be). It also seemed to me that she was challenging the idea that the roles men and women fulfill in a ma…
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/13 10:34 PM
4

But if he handles the money, why isn't he also paying the bills? You don't know that he isn't paying the bills, what you do know is that he isn't doing it on a schedule to your liking. Either way, I was just pointing it out as an option since I'm all about making things easier on everyone. It is an option, but just doing it might have some consequences you might not be aware of and so maybe that isn't easier on everyone? In most most marriages there are disagreements about money - this is a clas…
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/13 10:09 PM
1

I wonder why you say that? In what way does she not subscribe to Red Pill ideas?
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/13 09:06 PM
3

But if she were to step in and set up an automatic transfer upon his failure to do it originally he might (or might not) view that as her not trusting in his leadership. We have joint accounts and we have electronic banking and as a general rule, I do not make transfers of monies between our accounts. Why? Well my husband is the money manager in our household and if I were to say do the transfer because he didn't do it on my schedule or when he said he would do it - but I didn't ask why or offer…
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/13 09:05 PM
1

Don't be afraid to express your disappointment when she is using the poor guys. A well placed "I raised you better than this" can go a long way. Totally agree - most girls don't want to disappoint their father's so letting her know when she has will cause her to take pause and look at herself and her behavior.
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/13 06:21 PM
1

As mother of a "tween" girl and a former tomboy here is my take on it: Let her know that no matter what stupid mistakes she makes (including dating ones) you are there for her. This is super important (IMHO) because a father is a girl's first male influence and you need to be there for her but not just as her shoulder to cry on. You need to let her cry on your shoulder and then set her straight about how it really is. Remember you are her father not her BFF (she likely has one of those already).…
/r/RedPillWomen18/09/13 06:19 PM
3

"Gen Xer" here and I agree with you. I think the difference (at least for me and many of my friends) is that our parents were so affected by Vietnam / Free Love / Women's Rights / est (Human Potential Movement training) that they weren't around to really parent (at least not mine) and so our grandparents became the people that raised us sort of warning us - don't mess up like your parents did. And now we are okay with the grass not always being greener - we are more realistic about the "having i…
/r/RedPillWomen17/09/13 10:03 PM
1

Yes: http://www.npr.org/2013/09/16/223041014/barnard-president-todays-wonder-women-must-reframe-feminism
/r/RedPillWomen17/09/13 04:19 PM
2

If you want to know what an appropriate "allowance" for your wife is, ask her to tally up what she would need for a month and what that would cover. Then discuss it with her and determine what is reasonable and affordable and give her that amount for a month and then review it at the end of the month. You will both have a better idea of what works and no hard feelings. When my husband put me on an allowance this is what he did. It turned out I way underestimated what I needed, but I also was for…
/r/RedPillWomen16/09/13 06:15 PM
1

knew implicitly that there was a limit, and that crossing it just wasn't an option. If you push my dad to the point where he gets mad, you know you fucked up big. This is my husband, you just know that if he gets mad - its big time trouble for everyone! And I definitely needed a guy who would be strong enough to tell me to sit down and shut up (although not in those words)
/r/RedPillWomen13/09/13 10:06 PM
9

YES - a resounding YES. We've been married 15 years and I do expect him to provide for me financially should something befall him (serious accident, death, etc.) as well as provide for our children. At the same time, he expects the same of me and so we have adequate savings, insurance, college funds for children, etc. But since he is the Hoh, and he knows this is part of his role in our relationship, it often comes up in more day to day ways. For example, if I want a new couch (which I do), I ca…
/r/RedPillWomen13/09/13 09:53 PM
2

Before I was married, I had several close male friends - all of whom were gay. Of course I lived in the Castro in SF so that made some sense at the time. Growing up I was a tomboy and had lots of male friends, but as I entered high school and college I found myself with fewer straight male friends. Today I have a few close female friends and only one close male friend from college who has actually become one of my husbands best friends and I have become really good friends this friend's wife. Si…
/r/RedPillWomen10/09/13 08:41 PM
2

Leave a leadership void and he will fill it. I agree - but sometimes it's hard to leave the void for them to fill if you aren't used to doing that. So for the op - have you had this sort of dynamic in your relationship all along or are you wanting to change into that relationship style? If you've had it all along, he won't let you get to the "bridezilla" state. If you haven't had it, changing the game on him to have it now isn't really quite fair, is it?
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/13 11:04 PM
2

I like the TiH relationship dynamic although I didn't always know it. About 3 years into our marriage, our personal dynamic changed to TiH / DD relationship and it has served us well. I don't think TiH is for everyone, but it can work for some.
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/13 07:00 PM
1

Okay thanks for that clarification :)
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/13 06:36 PM
2

"the kids' needs come before his" Seriously this line has derailed more of my friends marriages than anything else.
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/13 06:35 PM
1

When my husband heard me rattle off the 5C list the first time, he sort of grimaced and then asked - what's in it for me? My prepared answer went something like this: well if it works out, you get a life partner who will stand by you and support you. Someone who won't leave, someone who will do things you ask of them as well as do things you don't ask of them because that's it. It sounded lame at the time, still does but really, that's what he got and I'm proud of that - and he is too. I don't t…
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/13 06:33 PM
3

On top of this, I would recommend you go for a slightly older demographic of men in their 30s and 40s who may be tiring of random bar women and would appreciate something their grandfathers had. I don't agree with this. I dated several older men and most of them were broken in one of the following ways: divorced and still bitter about it, successful in their careers and still fully focused on their careers - ala George Clooney - with no intention of marrying regardless of your age / beauty, or t…
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/13 06:24 PM
3

Sorry it's taken me a while to get back to this - busy weekend! Thinking back on it, if I remember correctly, after the first few dates, when the conversation would go to the "what are we doing?" or "where are we going?" area, I was very honest and would say that I'm not interested in a casual fling or whatever one might call it these days, but rather I was interested in a serious commitment. It scared quite a few men off (but then again, in retrospect, they wouldn't have been suitable anyway wo…
/r/RedPillWomen09/09/13 06:19 PM
2

Just some things that popped out at me: Having children in my 30's, I feel, is not desirable for neither my children nor my (future) marriage because neither I nor my husband will have enough energy to run after infants after that. I had both kids in my early 30s and we both have the energy to run after them (infants aren't that quick actually). realistically, my husband will not be able to comfortably support 4 people on one paycheck in NYC (I will have to stay here because my parents are getti…
/r/RedPillWomen06/09/13 11:52 PM
1

Well I'm married and in my 40s so definitely not in the 18-25 range but I once was. When I was in that range, I was definitely in the minority. In fact at my 10 yr HS reunion, I was the rare bird that was married - a lot of divorced friends, a few female friends who were still "looking" and "putting their career first" - but no one except myself and one other woman were married (and happy). Based on that, I can't say that earlier generations are more understanding of TRP dynamics.
/r/RedPillWomen06/09/13 11:30 PM
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