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spotsandstripes9 Archive

View 0 posts and 162 comments by spotsandstripes9 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

No, the only mod made a post a couple days ago saying that she was going to remove herself as a mod and that she didn’t really want to be involved in something like this anymore. So the subreddit was probably unmoderated for a couple days, making it an easy target to asshole men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 11:41 AM
49

After a Trump campaign "Make America Great Again" cap was photographed in Brady's locker, Brady said that Bündchen told him not to discuss politics anymore, which he thought was a "good decision".[514] Brady did not join the New England Patriots in visiting Trump and the White House in April 2017 after their Super Bowl victory, citing "personal family matters".[515] Lol, she wouldn’t let him visit trump after the super bowl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/20 04:43 AM
25

IQ scores.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 01:55 PM
5

Congrats on leveling up! I agree with your list almost completely, with one exception - I’ve become reaaaally skeptical of any man that calls himself a feminist. A lot of men think they’re feminists because they practice “consensual” kink, and IMO male kinksters tend to be abusive assholes. Unfortunately I haven’t figured out a way to gauge how actually feminist a man is - the biggest predictor I’ve found is whether he can handle criticism or feedback from a woman without getting in his feelings…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 05:13 PM
15

This is more or less what I did, giving up porn and dating for a year. I also worked through my trauma and emotional issues related to low self esteem and insecurity, not necessarily with the goal of getting rid of my kinks but it happened anyway. I’m a fan of using alternative therapies and witchcraft and ritual, because it allowed me to work with my emotional/mental issues in a symbolic way rather than directly talking through some of these traumatic events. I figured out why I wanted to be co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 01:21 AM
7

She isn’t loyal, it sounds like she’s willing to throw her girlfriends under the bus for a crumb of male attention. Trying to convince your ex to move to her city is weird and desperate as hell. I’d drop her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 10:11 PM
18

Next to all the depressing stories of woman pining after shitty men, this is so refreshing to read and makes me so happy ☺️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 05:20 AM
4

How did you have the energy/time to go on 3-4 dates with different men each week 😳
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 04:47 AM
36

Sounds like a libfem pickmeisha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/20 02:58 PM
3

Eh, I used to be dismissive of this but now I think it’s a nice gesture. A decent guy will call and check if you don’t text him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 02:42 PM
13

He never comes out and says that it’s a feminist book, but it’s the only book on abusive men that lines up perfectly with radfem theory and puts the blame where it belongs - on the abusive man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 02:18 PM
11

Yes this is physical abuse. He’s trying to gaslight you. Block and STAY AWAY from this shithead, it WILL escalate because abusers like to push things as far as they can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 06:33 AM
25

I wouldn’t have waited more than 15 minutes, even if your date called/texted and gave an explanation. The reason I would leave even with a reason is that it’s waaaay more likely that they’re flakey and lying about why they’re running late than having a legitimate reason. Responsible people who juggle lots of different commitments almost always find a way to make it work, whereas the slacker who’s always ten minutes late is constantly getting into messes caused by their own bad planning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/20 06:28 AM
7

That was me! There’s soooo many women who post in relationship subreddits that are obviously in abusive relationships, and seem to be heavily in denial about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 02:55 AM
8

100% agree. Every time I’ve been assaulted/raped, alcohol was involved. I don’t think this is victim blaming either. When I first got into radical feminism, I viewed male abusers as entirely responsible for my assaults/rape. However, this made me feel helpless and like it was inevitable that I would be abused again. I’ve been working on my self-esteem and learning how to set boundaries for the past couple months. More recently I realized that my actions played a role - there were red flags that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 06:01 PM
8

“Why Does He Do That” is fantastic! It’s a book on abusive men that lines up pretty well with feminist theory. Unlike other resources that blame male abuse on mental illness or men being unable to control their emotions, this book explains that abusive men abuse their wives/girlfriends because they see them as objects they control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/20 04:33 AM
10

It depends. Are you really ok with not being in a relationship with Andrew? Would you feel hurt if you found out he was seeing someone else at the same time? Or are you subconsciously lowering your expectations because you know Andrew won’t meet them, and you don’t want to lose this guy?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 05:53 PM
23

Lol your first paragraph made me snort. Btw not all “chads” are douchebags but good ones are usually in LTR with random women in their social circle. Getting them is completely coincidental. So unfortunately most 8-9/10 men you can have sex with will be the f*ckbois. This is exactly what I’ve noticed also.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 03:04 PM
13

I haven’t noticed any kind of relationship between attractiveness and being a shitty person after high school. When I was younger, subconsciously I thought that chads/Stacie’s were stupid, mean, superficial, etc, but really I was just projecting my own insecurity on to others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 03:01 PM
5

Yeahhhhh I’m not going to click on those comments. Reddit is like 60% sexist men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 02:35 PM
16

What the fuck. Ugh I don’t want to hate on this poor woman, but damn I hope she grows a spine soon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 12:16 AM
52

A man doesn’t see a mommy bang maid sex slave as someone who cares about him, he sees her as someone he’s got wrapped around his finger. Men stop trying when they think they’ve “conquered” you. Keep him pursuing you and don’t ever let him think he’s got you, even if you’re married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 11:55 PM
6

Lol why?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 11:07 PM
14

Saving, thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 10:33 PM
2

Me too please ☺️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 10:32 PM
16

Well said!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/20 01:03 PM
17

This is coddling men. If I respect someone, I don’t feel the need to tiptoe around their feelings when giving advice. This isn’t even how people talk to their own kids. Grown ass men are the only people who get this treatment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 09:00 PM
4

cringe
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 08:56 PM
14

That whole subreddit is full of threads like this. I’m grateful I don’t think like a pickmeisha anymore, but it upsets me SO MUCH that women value themselves so little that they put up with spoiled manchildren for YEARS. I checked out the post in question, and this woman was making excuses for her husband all over the thread...which tells me this is only slightly worse than how he normally treats her. Ugh. Why?? Why do we have to live in a society where women are raised to think like this?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 07:29 PM
7

Summer walker is the biggest pickmeisha EVER. Every song is about men treating her like crap and her still chasing them 😭
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/20 04:42 AM
7

Girl I just looked through your post history and your fiancé is trash. It doesn’t seem like he makes it a priority to spend time with you, and going to the club every weekend without you is shady, he’s either flirting or outright cheating. Dump him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:36 AM
4

Yoooo...so I was raised in very much the same type of family - my parents were “progressive” muslims, which is still super strict about modesty even if I didn’t have to wear a head scarf. I’m going to PM you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 12:22 AM
4

I’ve managed to make progress with figuring out where my kinks were coming from and working through those childhood issues. I was forced to work through my childhood issues because they would randomly fuck up my life, but it also had an impact on my sexuality as a side effect. For me it had nothing to do with being “pure”, but just that those shadows would spill out at weird times and cause me to make bad decisions (or avoid making decisions due to anxiety). It took a year of not watching porn, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 11:39 PM
25

Do you feel like you owe him for staying with you after you cheated? I think that’s a risky place to be as a woman. Men will absolutely use stuff like that as leverage or reasons not to put in effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 10:05 PM
1

Wtf??? How would he even know?? Why can’t he just do what normal people do, ie don’t mention it if you notice and keep your thoughts to yourself?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 07:54 PM
5

Your ex sounds terrible. Unfortunately I’ve met men like this, whose entire sense of humour comes from pointing out “flaws” (literally any quality shared by all humans but that women are not allowed to show).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 07:52 PM
7

It’s because they see dating as transactional, where the goal is sex instead of a long term loving relationship. They want instant gratification. With actual dating, you have to actually be charming and put in effort over time. It’s also why LVM can be very entitled and pushy when dating - they don’t see women as people, they see women as sex vending machines where they put coins in and get sex in return.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 07:47 PM
35

What manipulation tactics are they even talking about? Almost all the advice I’ve seen in this subreddit is related to setting boundaries with men and knowing when to walk away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 07:24 PM
16

I really don’t think we should applaud this. Why should women need to objectify themselves to raise money for a public cause? This also seems like pickme bullshit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 04:16 PM
15

100% agree, we shouldn’t applaud the objectification of women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 04:15 PM
4

I’m southasian and I used to do this when I was still an insecure pickme. Usually for the AF it’s internalized racism and insecurity, and for the WM it’s fetishistic. It’s definitely a real trend you’re noticing. You might be interested in r/hapas, they discuss this a lot (but they can be misogynistic at times, just a warning).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 12:29 PM
2

You know that thing is covered in jizz 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 12:08 PM
16

Those comments were pissing me off so much, acting like it was irresponsible to spend $10 on lunch once in a while. I saw one stupid ass comment implying that he said no because he wanted you to eat healthier and spend your money more wisely (wtf ???). I’m glad you saw that your boyfriend was trash! Also welcome to this subreddit ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 04:20 PM
29

What I really like about this book is that it doesn’t use any of the normal excuses men make for abusive behavior - that they have trauma, or mental health problems, or don’t know how to express their feelings or control their feelings when upset. Bancroft completely destroys all these excuses and explains that men abuse women because they see their wives/girlfriends as objects that they own and control. He never comes out and says it’s a feminist book, but his ideas line up very well with radic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 06:07 PM
11

wow this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 06:00 PM
4

I think your instincts are right based on his response - he's being defensive and trying to make you feel guilty for asking. I'm not sure I would have asked that directly though. I would have said that I felt like it was moving too fast.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 04:14 AM
6

I don't really think this is admirable...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 04:06 AM
4

I used to have the same problem where I would go for "damaged" bad boy types because I felt like I related to them better. This was coming from a place of insecurity - guys who seemed emotionally healthy and responsible were intimidating to me. I did the same thing with friendships, too - if a woman seemed really normal, healthy, and put-together, I just assumed she was fake because I was projecting my own insecurities on to her. I didn't realize this was what I was doing - I thought I was seeki…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 03:50 AM
5

The way this woman is second guessing and doubting herself makes it seem like her husband is abusive. She’s acting like she has to tip-toe around her husband’s feelings to ask about something SUPER reasonable. u/boringbre - you sound like you’ve had to shrink yourself so much to make this marriage work. Does your husband always try to punish you whenever you have disagreements?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 07:42 PM
5

I don’t tolerate questions on my sexual history or choices. If someone asks why I’m single or why I’m not dating, I just come up with an excuse that I think will make them shut up, while making a mental note that they’re nosy. When I was younger and a huge people pleaser, I was worried about seeming “fake” and thought that I needed to be honest with men who ask questions that are none of their business. You have a right to privacy and boundaries - it’s ok to have secrets from someone because you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 07:38 PM
21

I hate that this is a recurring theme in tv shows to show “real love”. And it’s always the woman sacrificing her career for her boyfriend or husband. I thought this shit was cringy even when I was a kid 🤷🏽‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 06:56 PM
2

I just spent $30 buying food for a homeless guy when buying lunch at work. I don’t want to date a man who thinks a date isn’t worth $30.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 05:31 PM
15

I thought my last relationship was with a HVM until I realized that he wasn’t as intelligent or emotionally mature as I thought, and he DEFINITELY had a porn addiction and a football obsession. I was upset until I realized that I was mourning an idealized image of him and only reminding myself of the good parts of the relationship, and there were definitely signs that I didn’t want to see way sooner. A lot of the green flags were things FDS would consider the bare minimum, like taking me out on …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 09:32 PM
6

Look when I got a new fancy job after a rough patch with unemployment, I started realizing that I was waaaay better than my boyfriend at the time, who could barely keep up in a conversation about tech stuff or history or economics. After a big life change (graduating from college, getting a new job, moving to a new city) your attitude towards your partner will change. The other side of this is that it’s never worth it to try to rationalize a man’s behaviors. You know damn well he would never try…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 03:07 PM
2

I know this sucks to hear but his attitude towards you will probably change once he graduates and starts his new job. Don’t be the foster girlfriend!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 02:58 PM
55

What in the actual fuck? Not only was he playing a cruel joke but he was also trying to embarrass her in front of his family. I would have felt humiliated in that situation. This honestly sounds really manipulative and emotionally abusive - the joke is based on her feelings and expectations about the relationship. You don’t do something like this to a person you care about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 08:14 PM
3

Uhhhh I love cooking for people, but this sounds like a guy who wants a mommy bangmaid. Don’t date men who treat you as a means to an end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 06:55 PM
6

It sounds like you’re already taking steps in the right direction! I’ve been in that depressed-and-always-high phase and it can be really difficult to just take the first step. Good luck with everything!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 06:43 PM
75

I think the boys talking about the wall are all super young and have a warped idea of what women look like at different ages. I didn’t really know many women in their 40s and 50s until I started working my current job, and SO MANY of them look like they’re in their 30s. I thought my mentor at work was in her 30s until she casually mentioned having a 31 year old daughter. I’m still confused by that lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 04:56 PM
3

Uh, I've literally never come across a guy who thought it was a turn off that I have a cat. Lol, I didn't even know this was a thing. Plus, I've met plenty of guys that have their own pets. I really don't think it's a big deal, and most men think my cat is funny and cute lol. Your friends sound like idiots, by the way. When I got my cat, my friends wanted to meet him and play with him. Where on earth do you live that has such an anti-cat culture? haha Also, just a warning, cats are not necessari…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/19 01:22 AM
5

The biggest thing for me has been working through my insecurity and recognizing all the ways I was sabotaging myself. I was a major ”cool girl” in college, but after I got into radical feminism I dropped some of the pickmeisha behaviors without really getting to the root of my insecurity. Obviously, this process of working on my self esteem is unique to me, but maybe this list will help someone else. My main issues were caused by lacking a healthy sense of self which I tried to make up for with …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 08:36 PM
10

Once I started working on my self esteem and insecurity, I realized that I had been fighting femininity/being warm in social interactions because I felt like I had to prove that I was smart and funny. Now I’m starting to feel like my feminine side is actually the more mature side - I don’t try to win conversations anymore, and I actually listen to what the other person is saying instead of interrupting them to get a word in. I know I seem more self-assured and confident, and it’s interesting to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 06:53 PM
33

Nice list! I used to put on the same cool girl act when I was college-aged. For me, becoming more feminine has just been recognizing all the ways I was trying to put on a masculine facade to be “one of the guys”. There were some really stupid things that I decided subconsciously were “girly” and therefore bad - like being organized, actually decorating and styling an apartment, looking put together etc. I was so sloppy 😫
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 01:14 PM
3

I’m trying to get healthier and be more responsible :) lose 5-10 pounds by lifting weights 2x a week, yoga 2x a week, and go for a walk at work every day save money by meal prepping and stop eating out so much. Limit myself to buying fancy coffee once a week stick to a budget meditate 10 minutes every day journal every day. Start keeping a dream journal get an article published in a newspaper/magazine. Start writing 30 minutes a day be more proactive in friendships and actually organize get toge…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 06:17 AM
2

Oooh, I want to add outdoorsy stuff to my list!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 06:16 AM
13

Hold up. So he hasn’t tried to buy you a plane ticket or fly to see you in five months?? Wtf. I was in a LDR with a guy for about the same time. My money situation was iffy because I was looking for a job, so he would pay for plane tickets for me to visit him or so he could visit me. We would try to see each other every 3-4 weeks. He was not wealthy, he just made it a priority. I would break up with this guy, he isn’t investing ANYTHING into this relationship. And he’s telling your business to o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 06:01 AM
17

This is terrible advice. I’ve dated one guy who was super nervous on dates unless he was drunk, and he was REALLY weird and ended up ghosting me. If a guy is this nervous and insecure, he’s not someone you should be dating. Basic social skills are the bare minimum for a HVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 03:01 AM
7

You can just tell this guy is cringey as fuck in social situations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 03:32 PM
81

A controlling lovebombing guy will not respect boundaries. A guy who thinks, hey this woman is one in a million, I'm going to consistently prove that I'm high-value and treat her with love and kindness, will respect boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 03:07 AM
3

For me personally, I used feminist witchcraft and jungian psychology to accept that there’s a part of me that is super insecure and really wants to be seen and accepted. Also lots of journaling and talking with girlfriends. Rather than push the feeling away, just let yourself sit with it and write down whatever you’re thinking or feeling about - cringy flashes of old memories, feeling embarrassed that you care about that cute guy who never noticed you, etc. I also dug into old childhood memories…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 04:07 PM
10

Yup, men aren’t good enough at sex to make a FWB situation worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 03:46 PM
29

Hahahahaha Your brain: I don’t actually want this to be a part of my life
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 03:03 PM
9

Yayyyy! Fuck that piece of shit. Congrats on healing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 03:23 AM
27

For me, being a huge insecure people-pleaser finally blew up in my face twice in the span of a month (on top of all the times it bit me in the ass when I was younger). I guess this time it happened after I thought I was "done" being insecure and it made me realize I hadn't made as much progress as I thought. I helped a (female) friend that I shouldn't have, and she saw my empathy as an opportunity to take advantage of me. The second time, I got drunk with a bunch of coworkers and ended up having…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 09:43 PM
-5

Hmm, without actually seeing how you act in person it's hard to say. But I would bet money that your problem isn't that you're intimidating - from past experience talking to girlfriends about this, "intimidating" is almost always used as a cope when someone has some other issue that they don't want to acknowledge. With women, most of the time it's caused by a deep-seated insecurity. Would you say that you're looking for advice on how to cross paths with more attractive men? Or are you trying to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 07:10 PM
0

Thanks :) Yeah, I actually realized this by working through my issues with insecurity and people-pleaseriness. People who really want external validation come across as annoying in person, whereas people who have that rock-solid internal sense of self come across as charming and personable. I've been playing around with how charming I try to be in person, and the effects have been interesting (and also dangerous lol). It's fun to tweak how much eye contact I make, how measured my speech is, how …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 07:01 PM
-2

Eh...I'm not sure it's that you're intimidating. I used to think that was my problem, and it turns out the real problem was that I tried to "win" social situations by being funny and loud. I would also interrupt people a lot. A lot of charisma/charm is just being engaged in the conversation and actually listening to what the other person is saying, instead of treating a conversation as a way to show off how smart and witty you are. I'm still trying to figure out how to actually meet guys I'm int…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 05:25 PM
16

I'm glad this worked out for you, but I think it's a good idea to wait at least six months (or a year) before getting engaged. I met a guy I thought was "the one" after our first date, and the feeling was mutual. He was a good boyfriend, waited to have sex, always paid on dates, showed me off to his friends and family etc...and we broke up five months in because once the newness of the relationship wore off, we both realized we had like nothing in common. Sometimes chemistry and mutual attractio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 04:54 PM
35

They almost always show themselves. Porn sick men can't wait to talk about their obsessions. If a guy starts talking about his dick or sex waaaay too early, when you're clearly not into it and he's ignoring your body language, that's probably a porn addict.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 03:43 PM
7

Wow what a moron. I’m amazed at how many men on dating apps don’t have basic social skills and let their porn addled brains do the talking 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 03:17 PM
3

I've been running into the same problem at work since I decided to be more outgoing and try to become friends with coworkers. So far I've had to shut down three guys. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 03:13 AM
5

If you're asking these questions, you probably come across as needy and insecure. People pick up on stuff like this, and men especially take it as an open invitation to string you along and treat you like shit. Not trying to victim blame, I just used to act the same way when I was younger. Recently I made a big mistake in my personal life that was caused by me being a people pleaser, and it forced me to figure out why I was so bad at standing up for myself, setting boundaries and saying no to pe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 03:08 AM
10

This pretty much lines up with FDS advice. Don't date men who string you along, don't pursue men or do wife stuff for them, and work on setting boundaries and standing up for yourself. Also, it seems that pickme behavior - trying to be one of the guys, settling for less, being a desperate people-pleaser - is a huge turn off to men, but of course they'll never admit that in the dating subreddits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/19 02:17 AM
10

100% agree. There’s this philosophy guy I met through communist organizing and who I used to think was pretty nice, until we got into a bad argument around trans stuff. This guy I thought was considerate about oppressed people started spewing the most sexist and racist arguments I’ve seen trans activists use - “if black women count as women, why don’t trans women”. It was pretty bad, I just stopped responding:
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 01:19 PM
4

Err...I think this is cute? Two months isn't that, short - personally I would expect a gift if you're dating that long and you're exclusive. If you're only five minutes apart, I can see why he would think it would be ok to stop by. Why don't you just ask him to give you a heads up next time he decides to swing by just to say hello/hang out for a short amount of time?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 02:40 AM
27

I've totally found this to be true. Americanized brown guys want to date white women, fobby brown guys can be hella pervy and misogynistic. (a small minority of both of those types are cool, but yall get what i'm saying). Aaaaand...tbh men of every race have their issues, their misogyny is just different.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/19 02:26 AM
17

I’ve only dated tall guys, but I crushed on a couple shortish (5’6-5’7) guy friends when I was younger. The short guys in question never had any problem dating because they were funny, charming and confident, which leads me to think that short guys who complain about height are just insecure with no charisma. I’m sure boring tall guys get away with their lack of a personality more than short men do, but the short guys I’ve met who are actually a catch are all married or in a LTR now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 01:27 PM
5

I feel like guys who are naturally charming don’t have to do any of this, and if you have chemistry with someone it’s super easy to flirt and takes like, no planning whatsoever lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 06:01 AM
36

I think you should find someone else you trust. This guy sounds manipulative, and it’s not even like you broke up on good terms. I understand wanting to leave your kitten with someone she already knows, but abusive/manipulative men WILL do weird shit if they’re trying to punish you. I’ve got an 8 month old kitten and the thought of your shitty ex watching your little dude for two weeks makes me nervous
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/19 12:39 PM
7

C O R N Y
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/19 12:33 PM
6

Men actually like these long emotional rants, because it tells them that they’ve gotten a reaction. I’ve found that ignoring fuckboys is WAY more effective. They’re so used to getting inside women’s heads that when it doesn’t happen, they have no idea how to react to it. Just block and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/19 01:00 AM
21

The IRL cheaters I’ve met all seem to have a shitton of insecurity and bad impulse control, so yeah I don’t think it’s possible to be a healthy person and pursue people in relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 10:34 PM
47

It’s a big, fat red flag if a guy asks about my sexual history. Most guys know it’s considered a weird/invasive question.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 01:18 PM
30

I really wish I could have had conversations like this with my mom. Or that I had some kind of older female mentor that would have told me stuff like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/19 02:01 AM
11

booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 11:53 PM
9

I’m going to be blunt because I made this mistake when I was younger. It sounds like you’re both emotionally immature, insecure, and have problems with boundaries. A guy oversharing and dumping his feelings on you can make you feel special and wanted, but it’s not the same as bonding over time. he sounds super unstable. The best case scenario is a codependent relationship where you’re his emotional support girlfriend, and the worst case scenario is an abusive relationship where he leeches everyt…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 11:10 PM
18

I think any type of instant gratification - including drugs or vapid consumerism - would have this affect on executive function, which is related to many mental disorders like bipolar, ADHD, OCD, etc. Your brain is meant to work towards little moments that cause a hit of satisfaction - building up an emotional connection with someone before you have sex, cooking a nice meal that you eat, working towards a goal and then achieving it...instead, we have porn, fast food engineered to be addictive, a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 08:08 PM
20

Wow what an entitled piece of shit. You don’t have the right to have sex with anyone. This guy sounds like the type of person who would take advantage of women without thinking about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 07:56 AM
15

Both men and women are socialized to put prioritize men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/19 03:51 AM
37

Lol this guy was breadcrumbing her - two dates over three months and never asked to be exclusive. That doesn’t even count as “seeing” someone, he was just a random guy who took her out on two dates. Of course she’s not going to post pics of him on social media if he’s just stringing her along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 06:58 PM
6

Ugh...my mom definitely did this with my ex. She wanted me to invite his parents to meet my parents when we had been dating for three months 🙄. (At the same time, my mom was trying to get me to keep my options open and talk to other men).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 06:42 PM
8

I think you mean playful teasing, not being an asshole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/19 07:17 AM
40

Duh. Something almost universal that I've noticed from men is that if you have sex with them too soon and come across as a clingy people-pleaser, they lose respect for you and see you as someone to use.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 09:56 PM
10

Yuup...I've spent around $2500 on clothes and new makeup in the past two months, to upgrade my look to be a bit more feminine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/19 02:05 AM
10

Yeah, I think acting like this when you’re older than college aged will come across as cringy and insecure. I’ve also noticed a paradox with men where they honestly respect you more if you don’t want to have sex as soon as possible, don’t drink heavily, etc (even if they’re the one trying to get you to do those things).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 09:10 PM
2

Well that good because I’ve been cringing soooo hard at my old attitude towards men 😫
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 09:07 PM
16

Yup, back when I was stripping I would have charged $200 for taking me out on a date (on top of the guy paying for the meal).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 01:19 PM
6

Just...how? How could someone be so selfish?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/19 06:03 AM
4

Have you noticed other changes in behavior? Like, does it seem like he feels differently about you, or doesn’t care as much? If so yeah I’d just end things. Edit: actually, just reread your post. The cleaning thing seems like one of those changes in behavior. Yeah I’d end things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 12:43 PM
8

I think she looks great with silver hair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 04:46 AM
30

That skirt story is 100% bullshit. Whenever you catch men in a lie, they will gaslight you and tell you absolutely anything to get you to believe them. Trust your gut. If you’re feeling uneasy, it’s for a reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/19 04:20 AM
5

She’s a TIF, not a boy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 08:13 PM
9

No, she’s a TIF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 08:12 PM
6

Nope, it’s a girl who identifies as a boy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 08:11 PM
8

Holy shit how are they that bitter and insecure? The OP is complaining about a post that said to break up with a guy if he brings up his ex on a first date. Like...why complain about that post in particular?? And all the complaining about expecting men to pay. Apparently they’re all broke as hell cuz they can’t afford $30 for their date’s dinner. MRAs, you’re not interested in dating us so why do you care?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 12:53 AM
6

Bahahahahaha. “GenderCritical does relationship advice” was a GREAT fucking idea. Love how many angry salty men there are 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/19 12:03 AM
13

What was their reasoning? God I hate libfems
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 11:21 PM
5

Ehhhhh therapy won’t fix abusive men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 10:24 PM
6

This is mostly from introspection and internet research, ha. Recently I made a big mistake in my personal life that was caused by me being a people pleaser, and it forced me to figure out why I was so bad at setting boundaries and saying no to people. An internet friend told me to look into "childhood emotional neglect" and it ended up being super relevant for me. That's probably a good place to start digging. My theory on CEN combined with controlling/strict parents - Ideally, your parents are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/19 02:49 AM
21

IME, men in their 30s going for women in their early 20’s are ALWAYS predatory. To me it’s a big, massive red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 09:02 PM
14

So much bad advice in the comments in that post. He obviously lost interest once he got what he wanted. Chasing men doesn’t work and just makes you look needy and desperate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 08:44 PM
9

Red flags: - mentions sex acts or positions that are popular in porn, like anal. I had a boyfriend that would ask if we could switch to doggy style when he started losing his erection erectile dysfunction at a young age (20s) feeling rushed whenever you’re intimate if he zones out or seems like he’s in his head when you’re intimate. Again, same boyfriend as before was LESS affectionate during sex, and wouldn’t make as much eye contact as normal. insecure about the size of his dick even though it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 08:39 PM
20

Surprisingly, I have been meeting more men who’ve given up porn because they realized it was messing up their sexuality and turning into an addiction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 08:28 PM
2

Please don’t settle due to insecurity! You deserve a guy who actually cares about you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 07:06 PM
5

The fact that you’re not happy with his level of affection/care is enough of a reason. Don’t try to rationalize it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 07:03 PM
16

Omg that’s a very nice way of saying he’s very stupid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 01:09 PM
10

I shall read this as a mantra before every date <3 well said!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/19 04:37 AM
15

I wouldn’t say this is necessarily true. The worst man I’ve ever met had a younger sister that he was super abusive towards. Now, what I have noticed that actually makes a difference is if his parents are happily married, and how his dad treats his mom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 11:12 PM
56

Fuuuuuck why is it that successful smart women almost universally have an inferiority complex? I have some ideas for where mine came from - my parents were strict and controlling, had high expectations, and emotionally absent so I learned that I had to earn their love by being a straight A student. I never felt emotionally secure or happy as a kid, so I sought out external validation by doing well in school (and later from men).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 11:03 PM
48

Same 😭 “pick me” logic had me pining after man children that I felt sorry for. Later, becoming a leftist made me feel guilty about wanting to date men who were as successful as I was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 09:05 PM
3

Yeah, one of the things I like about the FDS approach is that it’s applying radical feminism to dating under patriarchy in a very practical way. I know that marriage is an oppressive tool of the patriarchy, but I sure as shit am not going to abolish marriage through my own dating life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 02:46 PM
6

Because we live in a patriarchy and men are socialized to pursue women, so if a guy won’t propose it means he’s stringing her along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 02:17 PM
63

I feel like this subreddit is getting A LOT of attention for how new it is. And it’s definitely exploded in the number of users, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 01:45 AM
20

Men are emotional con artists. Wow ☹️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/19 01:33 AM
2

Awwww <3 completely agree! I have an 8 month old kitten who I got at 7 weeks. A friend of a friend's mom had a pregnant feral cat show up and give birth, and I got one of the kittens. He's so funny and sweet and smart and VERY demanding of attention lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 10:02 PM
15

Oof. That’s depressing as hell. I met a shitty abusive addict when I was in my early 20’s who almost ruined my life. Thankfully we were never in a real relationship, but he could tell that I was insecure and wanted him to like me and he took advantage of it. With my low self-esteem and how desperate I was for male attention, if it wasn’t him it would have been someone else. I had a lot of risk-seeking behaviors, too. I managed to fix my life and emotionally/mentally now I’m doing better than I e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 04:59 PM
2

It’s not childlike, he’s courting you and trying to impress you, while also getting a nice ego boost from having you on his arm. You want the type of guy who gets warm fuzzy feelings from taking you out to dinner and spoiling you with gifts. Yeah it’s old fashioned, but we live in a patriarchy and it’s how men think. Any guy I’ve dated who complained about paying (or couldn’t afford to pay every time) was straight trash. I used to think it was “feminist” to go Dutch and it only attracted broke a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 04:42 PM
2

Honestly? Don’t date until you’re older. I didn’t really date in high school, even though I wanted to due to insecurity. Now I think that was the right decision, because I never slacked off on studying due to dealing with relationship problems. Pour your energy into school because that will get you the biggest return on your investment right now. You’re not going to marry a guy you date in high school, and chances are you’re going to want to “upgrade” once you’re in college anyway. I remember my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 04:29 PM
3

Omg you sound like me ❤️😭 Congrats! I was always successful and hardworking and smart but with terrible self-esteem, and then after graduating from college my life started spiraling due to mental health problems. Meditation and witchcraft has actually been really helpful for introspection. I’m doing WAY better now (working full time making more money than I’ve ever made in my life, at a relatively easy software job where my manager loves me). I made a really big breakthrough recently, realizing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 03:58 PM
12

It’s to hide the double chin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/19 03:43 PM
5

Make sure he doesn’t cross boundaries and actually respects you as a person with their own social life and career. For example, if you tell him “don’t call me after 9” make sure he respects it. Does he complain if you mention hanging out with male friends? Or does he expect you to drop your life and make yourself fit his? Watch out for entitlement dressed up as chivalry - “hey I decided to book you an entire day of plans, please drop everything you’re doing today even though I didn’t give you an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 04:25 PM
9

Stories like this are so depressing to me. Women are socialized to be pushovers and never stand up for themselves. I was looking through r/datingHell the other day and it’s sad how many stories like this are there - a young insecure woman ignores red flags for the sake of being “nice”, ends up with a predatory man trying to assault/rape her. Ugh. I don’t want to sound like I’m victim blaming - these shitty abusive men are at fault. But it sucks that women are socialized to ignore their gut feeli…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 04:05 PM
14

Hmmm, interesting. It sounds like a woman with high self-esteem, strong boundaries, no people-pleaseriness, etc., on top of being responsible, attractive, and charming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/19 02:20 AM
9

He probably would have complained if she cut the date short, too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 07:53 PM
32

Wow this guy is trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 12:43 PM
3

I’ve actually seen his happen with some of my guy friends. When they started dating their wives, they majorly cleaned up and stopped being fuckboys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 12:36 PM
30

God, I hate the pick-mes in the comments. Now that I’ve been following FDS, the way most women behave towards boyfriends and husbands is just...ughhhhh please stop settling for this nastiness
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/19 12:29 PM
6

Nah, a lot of it is insecurity and feeling empty without male attention. Edit: why the downvotes? It’s definitely the reason women chase after shitty fuckboys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 11:06 PM
12

I’ve never faked an orgasm in my life. With my last ex, I asked him if he could put more effort into making me cum. He took it well, apologized for not putting in effort, aaaaand then didn’t actually change anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 01:07 PM
14

Hmmm, I’m a southasian woman who grew up in the US and I’ve definitely noticed that most of my friends and family have dated/married other second generation immigrants or Americans. I haven’t seen anyone go for fobby guys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 06:03 PM
11

As a second gen southasian lady...I’ve found fobby guys to be grossly misogynistic like 90% of the time. Either they’re super conservative and old fashioned, or they’re “Americanized” porn addicts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 05:56 PM
4

Lmao are you me? Literally exact same situation with my ex. Decent boyfriend, paid for everything and only allowed me to buy him coffee ONCE and tried to convince me not to lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 07:25 AM
7

I think it’s super important to get to an emotionally/mentally healthy place before dating. Predatory men love to prey on vulnerable women, and HVM tend to be scared off by women with mental health issues. If you have issues with attachment it makes you come across as desperate - and again, that will attract shitty guys and scare away healthy guys. Plus, you need to love yourself enough to walk away when you start seeing red flags.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 06:25 AM
7

He’s breadcrumbing you - he isn’t sure he’s into you, but he wants to keep you around just in case he can’t find anything better. Anytime you catch yourself making excuses for a guy (“he’s depressed, he’s got trauma, he’s going through a rough patch”) chances are the guy is just not that interested in you, or he doesn’t have his shit together and isn’t adding value to your life anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/19 05:50 AM
20

Nothing scares away predatory men like a strong support network and high self esteem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 10:25 PM
20

For someone with a good job, $20-30 for their date’s meal is nothing. Hell, I have some broke ass friends (whose company I enjoy) and sometimes I pay for their meals because I know they’re just going to sit there without ordering anything if I don’t. The only reason a guy with a good job would split the bill is because he’s cheap as hell and doesn’t think impressing his date is worth $20.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/19 01:24 PM
7

Idk I think it’s super weird for a guy to propose without discussing future plans first. I wouldn’t want to be put on the spot about getting engaged without making sure we’re on the same page about our plans.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 08:57 PM
25

He straight up admits that he dates insecure women because women with high self esteem aren’t interested in him 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 05:14 AM
30

I would immediately drop a guy who asked me how many past sexual partners I’ve had.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 04:05 AM
15

I don’t think this is true if the guy REALLY REALLY likes you and thinks you’re out of his league. I broke some FDS rules when I first started dating my last boyfriend, but that was because I could tell he was reaaaaally into me. And it was actually a pretty happy relationship that ended on good terms. But yeah, 90% time showing too much interest in a guy makes you come across as desperate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/19 10:30 PM
5

Congrats! It always makes me happy to see women standing up for themselves and cutting useless men out of their lives ☺️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/19 01:07 PM
9

He looks bored with her. Five years?? Damn
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/19 01:02 PM
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