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stillanoobummkay Archive

View 3 posts and 76 comments by stillanoobummkay on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

My heart goes out to you and this is an awful question to be asking. I will say: you sound like a great dad and I know you’d never hurt or let your son be hurt about this, no matter what. I agree with other commenters that the only real reason to know would be for health reasons and maybe that is enough of a reason. No one can really tell what the right call is though and FWIW I support you. All the best brother.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/26 05:54 PM
1

Idk. But I’m drinking too much.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/26 04:45 AM
2

Where did you get married?
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 10:31 AM
11

Definitely worthy and thanks for positing. I think (and hope) the vast majority of men on here know that it’s not “women thing” but a “that individual person” thing and there are definitely women talking about men who are truly vile too. It’s great that you are there for your dad.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 02:42 PM
2

Dude, are you me? Feel exactly the same.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 01:30 PM
3

How much would it drive her crazy if you guys got along. If if you’re just faking it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 08:43 PM
11

I married for smarts and personality. Next one is just looks. /s in case it isn’t obvious lol
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 02:09 PM
16

Today it’s money. But for the last 10 years it was because I honestly thought I could “love” her enough and over provide. Today it’s I’m broke and can’t afford the lawyers. Neither can she.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 06:09 PM
6

Amazing. What country/state doesn’t have common law?
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 12:21 PM
4

You’ll never win this. Work on letting that go, document everything and wait for the financial disclosure.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 02:31 AM
4

Idk man, but I’m 46 and been married 21 years. Shes been threatening a divorce for about 15 of those years and, aside from all the small and large mistakes I’ve made, I can say my biggest regret was not taking her at her word the first time and divorcing. It is way harder when you kids or more kids etc. I have 3 boys. My oldest is almost 18 and for 15 out of 18 yeas of his life this is what he has listened to. I feel like I’ve failed my kids: not because my biz failed and we had to move etc but …
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 02:07 AM
3

Sh**. I’m sorry you’re going through this. And I’m sorry your kids are too. One thing I will say though: you’ll get through this and no matter how much some doofus makes, you’re still their dad. That will never change. And the kids need you too.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 11:13 AM
1

Samesies but I saw this in the morning. You can get through this.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 06:53 PM
5

Thanks brother. This week has been tough and it’s only Tuesday! (Sad laughs haha)
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 12:36 PM
1

Yep. I hear that. They talk about the algo radicalization and it’s true. Just that this kind of stuff will never be on the news but it’s so effective. Hope you are doing better and healing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 05:22 PM
3

The irony is starting to show now. Since she hasn’t worked in like 20 years and threatened divorce for about 15 od them I finally told her : yes. Let’s do it. (Obviously more colourful language), she’s having to find work. So does this a few things but one of the things she’s doing in outdoor maintenance etc. there are few sites that make this really easy to start (when she wants something she can do it ) so now she’s working basically sun up til sun down. She’s literally too tired for dishes or…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 11:39 PM
2

Preach. When I said that’s is nuts that I’m not doing enough, and keep in mind, I wfh so I know what she does and doesn’t do. I heard her giggling to insta for hours per day. When I called her out: “you’re a misogynist”. Now that we are firmly down the full divorce path, she working. And who gets the kids ready? I do. Who ensure they have meals even when it’s her turn and she’s behind bc she’s working? I do. I do not complain. I’m moving out soon so it’ll matter less but you hit the nail on the …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 11:20 PM
5

1000%. I’m not perfect. But I also worked 18hr a day to maintain our life: 3MM house, 200k car, 3 kids in private school. She doesn’t work. I was a narcissist whatever because I didn’t make the kids lunches and I should know that since she does all the weekday meals she’s bearing all the mental load of the kids. Well, economy took a dump, biz got really hard and dried up and under all that constant pressure of “menta load” and whatever, worked less and we lost almost everything bc I couldn’t kee…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 10:50 PM
6

My stbxw doesn’t have friends. At least not a huge group. She literally has a couple. She did however, fall into the echo chamber is TikTok/instagram that continually surfaced videos about weaponzied incompetence etc. Id get daily links of how I’m a narcissist, weaponized incompetence, mental load, etc. I’m talking like probably hours of content. She’d want me to watch all that and then talk about it. It was/still a reinforcing circle.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 09:52 PM
2

No shit.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 04:16 PM
7

When my financial failures affected her. It’s more complicated obviously but I spent almost the entire marriage providing and working my ass off. But when the financial shit hit the fan it’s was all my problem to solve and god forbid she get a job or curb spending or whatever. (This sounds like I’m avoiding responsibility, which I’m not but trying to be brief )
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 02:30 PM
3

I don’t think it is. It’s the step before full on menopause. The body starts the process of menopause but it’s gradual. Women in perimenopause can still get their period but their hormone levels are changing.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 04:15 PM
3

I knew it was going to be that age before I even asked. A buddy of mine said the same thing. Either women that are 30-40 or 55+ haha
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 03:35 PM
6

What age? Like mid forties early 50? I noticed a huge change in my stbxw at 45-49(now). There are also a ton of “influencers “ taking about divorce rates and perimenopause and it seems to track in my life.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 02:43 PM
1

Yeah, I just wanted to offer non-judgemental support :) we all do the best we can with what we have.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 10:47 PM
0

lol. True.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 03:25 PM
1

FWIW I’m not judging (referring to the pre-post marriage sentence). We’ve all made mistakes, big and small and at the end of the day: your life. Your journey.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 01:28 PM
2

Wow! Your obviously doing something right! Good for you brother. That’s great. Sorry to hear about the bad break up though, things will be better tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 05:31 PM
1

No worries at all. Like i said, from your post history I can see you’ve been through the worst. I can’t imagine being told I need to take regular photos to prove I care. And I recall that post a while back and I take more photos now just bc of that. It’s pretty “funny” how no matter the jurisdiction or country it’s the same bs. Seriously, wishing you well brother.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 07:32 PM
1

Given your post history I’m actually really surprised you’re this hostile to me. That’s my experience and the behavioural stats back that up. It’s not fair and I didn’t say it was right. I just said that’s how it was for me. You’ve been through all the unfairness first hand too. Be well brother.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 07:01 PM
1

lol. Okay. Have a great day.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 06:59 PM
-3

It’s just stats. Men are usually the perpetrators and are usually more violent and often murder their partners way more than women do. And cops aren’t really there to “figure it out” they don’t want any killed and since it’s mostly men that’s how they solve it. And if it is the woman, taking the man out also solves jt. It’s just not fair bc it also usually means the man is being charged and has to deal with it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 06:55 PM
9

It’s like that everywhere. I’m in Canada and we had the police knock on our door bc some passer by saw her freaking out and waving a chair at me. Cops told both of us (individually) that they thinks it’s best if I leave. She was waving the chair at me! They said if they have to come that night for any reason they’re taking me away. ETA: spelling
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 06:33 PM
1

Yep. I’m playing the long game. When they are 30, that’s what matters.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 01:56 AM
1

Wow. That is brutal. And I bet she was telling them all you wouldn’t let her take the kids on mother day. Unbelievable. That makes my blood boil. I feel for your kids. Thankfully they have a stand up dad to be there for them.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 12:52 AM
4

Yep. Forgot to add this detail: we went to a couple counselling and the therapist, after I told her all of that, said that she’d be happy with whatever flowers her husband buys her because flowers are a small gesture and if they are “wrong” they are still beautiful and a small gesture should get a small response. She wanted to quit after that session. lol.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 01:00 AM
2

I got so much work done. It was a great day for me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 05:19 PM
1

Same! My god.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 05:19 PM
2

Seriously, are you me? That is exactly what my stbxw said!
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 05:18 PM
4

Exactly. But this year (and last year) she specifically told me to not do anything for her so I didn’t , but that doesn’t stop me from making sure my kids think about their mom. Pretty crazy mentality though.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 05:17 PM
3

Are you me? Bc that is like years of my life in one reply.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 01:55 PM
4

For sure. I’m only asking my kids to think about Mother’s Day bc one day (maybe) they’ll have a wife. My oldest is 17 and has gf. So it’s also bigger than “her” too.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 12:08 PM
1

You’re a good dad.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 11:53 AM
5

Delete Facebook, hit the gym, hire lawyer. Best advice ever.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 10:26 PM
4

It’s actually really shocking when they reveal themselves. I’ve been a single dad way before the divorce started and tbh honest, taking care of the kids on my own never scared me. It was all about how the kids are going to deal with it. Like, when the kids start asking questions etc it heart breaking.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 10:23 PM
1

Absolutely valid. And I’m not saying “stop whining” bc you are absolutely not whining. I’ve been living in similar hell (as far as I know she’s not recording me but I wouldn’t be surprised). She definitely takes out her phone to record me anytime I’m parenting the kids in a way she doesn’t like though. I’m just saying I’m with you in this sh** and I don’t have any amazing answers, partly bc my life is a mess.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 04:11 PM
1

Yeah. That’s messed up. How long until you can move out? Maybe focusing on the next goal will be more productive. Idk but wishing you the best brother.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 04:02 PM
1

NAL but in that example you are the single party that is consenting to the recoding of your neighbours, in your space. That’s not the same as putting a camera in their apartment and then viewing the recording without their knowledge. But maybe that’s the difference: you’re aware of the cameras bc the court informed you. Still…. That’s messed up.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 03:50 PM
2

How can that be legal?? I’m in Canada which is a one party state. But that one party needs to be present and engaged in that conversation, meaning that one party present gives consent. What you described cannot be legal (in Canada) and I’d be shocked if it’s legal where you are.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 03:35 PM
36

I think the big difference is that (genders aside) there are people who view divorce as not a victory. There are no winners here (victims of abuse aside). I would also argue that 99% of the people in this sub realize that the divorce they went through or are going through can not be a victory because there are others that are impacted, like our kids and family etc. It’s very odd to me that our former spouses cheered and are “living their best lives”. I’m going to survive this and move on but I’m…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 01:57 PM
3

A bunch. I’m not a victim of a horrible women. I did a bunch of dumb shit that broke our relationship. She did too (she will never admit it). She blames me for everything. It sounds like I’m exaggerating but literally everything. Barring any of her actions though I still did enough to cause it and my soul searching afterward (and continuing) doesn’t really make me feel better about myself either.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 07:16 PM
1

Preach.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 03:43 AM
1

Going through something similar. Internet hugs bro.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 05:33 PM
1

Yeah. Like 2 years ago. I’m struggling just to keep the house for my kids to live in.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 09:01 PM
1

Still “married” in the same house because I can’t afford to move out. She refuses to get a job and pay her own way. I regret staying and trying to make it work, trying to ignore all the threats of divorce etc. She never did get a lawyer or anything. Those were all just manipulative tactics and I was too much a coward to realize it was over years ago.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 01:39 PM
3

One my biggest regrets was not taking her at her word when she threatened divorce during arguments(like she lost her temper and said shit she didn’t mean). Or when she would tell me to get a divorce lawyer bc she’s getting one etc etc (she never did).
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 11:52 PM
5

It’s got what plants crave.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 05:22 AM
2

Anxiety meds have saved me. I was never a medication person, just Advil when absolutely needed. (Even when I had 2 impacted wisdom teeth it was just Advil). But the anxiety meds have really helped me settle my nerves down and helped me deal with my wife(stbx) much more productively.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 12:57 PM
3

Great analogy.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 11:59 PM
9

Record all convos. I have a short cut on my Lock Screen to start a voice memo recording. Start doing that. You can’t afford to let her make those accusations without something to protect yourself. My (stbx)w would threaten that she was going to tell the cops I abused my kids too! Until she saw the recording I made of her threatening it (accidentally let it upload to Amazon photos). Record everything.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 04:57 AM
1

Interestingly enough, I will be using it to write up my “proposal “ for how we settle house, car kids etc.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 05:27 PM
1

I’m in Ontario. I don’t even think the filling fees are less than 500. The house thing sucks bc I don’t want my kids to move (again) this year. That whole thing is another story. I’d rather pay for the house entirely just so they have stability. But whatever. ETA: I just want this done. I’m pretty fine with her screaming and other craziness but the crying is hard to ignore.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 03:10 PM
1

Yep. She threatened to “turn on tinder” and just didn’t care. I care about making sure kids are happy. That they have food. And a roof. I stay up worrying about how my kids are handling things. And how will I afford therapy for them.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 02:59 PM
15

Idk. I feel like I don’t really care if she did/does that. She decided to sleep on the couch for the last few weeks and I…. Idk. Don’t care. I slept on the couch for a year so if she wants to experience that, fine. If she wants squirrel what tiny amounts of extra money we have, fine. (She could just get a job and split her paycheques or something ). I’m so tired of the drama that I feel like I just don’t care. Maybe it’s just me….
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 02:35 AM
1

We are stuck in our current house situation until I can catch up and afford to pay for existing mortgage and my place. She doesn’t have a job. And has been a sahm for 16 years. She is refusing to get a job lately. That’s a whole other thing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 05:48 PM
1

Were you physically apart as well? In Ontario need to be “separate and apart” for one year. I’m not leaving until I have things written and signed and I know she will be high conflict. I think just keep hoping she’ll see some reason about this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 03:12 PM
2

Thank you. I’ve been reading here and paying attention to the silver bullet.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 03:10 PM
2

Thanks. I’m in Ontario. After thinking this post over, I suppose I keep thinking she will see reason and realize it’s “cheaper to keep him” and get some help for her issues. But I need to stop being in denial and realize it’s over a long time now.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 03:09 PM
2

Great advice. Thanks. I am totally aware of the silver bullet. Paying close attention to everything bc of that. Thanks for commenting. It’s hard bc I am still in fix it mode.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 03:08 PM
1

It won’t improve that much. I’m behind in all my bills and just need to get caught up. You make a good point. ETA; it won’t improve so much in the next 6 months to make a significant difference in that regard. I’m scrabbling week to week to avoid our car being repo’d and utilities cut off. I’m pretty fucked financially at the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 03:07 PM
2

Yeah … I mean. I think it should be simple enough but I guess this the prelude to her fighting me tooth and nail.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 01:28 AM
18

lol. Why would your mom want to talk to your STBX. that’s crazy. How self absorbed is she? If my son was getting divorced I wouldn’t want to talk to his soon to be ex at all. Ever. Unless it was something to do with their kids. Crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/25 08:42 PM
1

Which one? All of them?
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 04:14 PM
5

If she’s being/is unfaithful then that’s a separate issue and falls under “two wrongs don’t make a right “ IMO. she can (just like my wife) divorce for any reason and maybe it’s things you should have corrected but that’s no reason to cheat.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:16 PM
7

Not divorced but definitely getting there. There are some things that are definitely my fault. I had a really bad behaviour pattern of avoiding unpleasant tasks that then build up and become a larger issue, like for example, I do a lot of home repairs/minor renos and at the end of the day I’m pretty tired and don’t put everyone away 100% (sometimes it’s fatigue other times it’s the kids interrupting me and pulling me away). This leads to messy garage while leads to conflict which leads to me say…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 01:58 PM
2

ULPT with a sprinkle of decency. I like it. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 04:50 PM
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