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View 2 posts and 71 comments by strutt3r on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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52

strutt3r/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 02:22 PM
2

Lawyersstrutt3r/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 05:15 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Same boat. Wife cheated. Went to therapy. Kept cheating. Could've saved a lot of time, money and heartache by walking away the first time. You don't need a partner to live a fulfilling life but if that's what you want then there's definitely someone out there who will treat you with love and respect and the longer you waffle the more you're depriving yourself of that joy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 09:37 PM
2

It's always darkest before the dawn brother, hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 07:59 PM
1

I'm 40 and while I've always looked young for my age 95% my peers are somehow ballooning and melting at the same time. I'm sure diet and activity level plays a part but I think it's mostly just genetics. I'm not generally attracted to younger women, but the attractive women my age are fewer and further between.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 01:46 PM
1

The guilt never goes away completely but it's tempered by the fact I did everything I possibly could to keep the family together. My ex abandoned the marriage when she kept stepping out. Didn't think sticking around in that environment would set a good example for my daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 03:37 PM
3

Woodworking
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 12:08 AM
6

My ex never admitted anything outside of what she was caught red handed with and she tried to gaslight me about those as well. Whatever else she got away with she'd sooner die than tell me, but the good news is I no longer care.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/24 05:18 AM
3

I tried to file for an uncontested divorce in Texas and my EW's family and friends told her to lawyer up cause I must be trying to get one over on her. Her parents paid $6k for an attorney so I had to retain one as well. Even though I'm pretty sure my lawyer did little more than paste some things into a PDF, I still ended up getting more than I asked for in the uncontested proposal. My EW only managed to sneak in that I had to pick up and drop off instead of meeting halfway or taking turns. $6k …
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/24 02:42 PM
0

In my experience both parties engaged in abusive behaviors to some degree. I've also been falsely accused of these behaviors in relationships. True introspective analysis is incompatible with assigning blame or self-victimization. We can't control others. We can only control ourselves and how we respond to others. Even with the most manipulative, conniving and malicious theoretical succubus one could imagine, we would still need to be accountable to ourselves about getting into a relationship wi…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 07:38 PM
10

I've never raised my hand to a woman but I've been emotionally, verbally and financially abusive. Recognizing that these are legitimate forms of abuse was the first step. I wasn't doing these things with the conscious intent of being abusive, they manifested for a variety of reasons. The primary cause was letting my insecurities dictate my behavior. Instead of accepting criticism from my partner and listening to them explain their needs and concerns about our partnership I would become defensive…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 03:23 PM
7

I dunno man. I never got over it, just got kind of numb to it eventually. Can't allow myself to linger on those thoughts very long though. Keep your mind busy, and if you can't keep your mind busy keep your hands busy. Woodworking has been the best therapy I've found so far, and even though my kids are away they're surrounded by little boxes and shelves and desks I've made for them.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/23 12:50 PM
3

Get some exercise. Whether it's roller skating or swimming or using an elliptical. Something to get your blood pumping and endorphin release. I do woodworking using hand tools. The goal is here is multifold. First and foremost it'll help manage your depression and anxiety. Physical fitness has a positive relationship with your self-esteem which also benefits your anxiety and depression. I say this as someone who is lazy and doesn't like to exercise. But your anxiety and depression are tying you …
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 01:05 PM
2

NAL but if I remember correctly adultery can impact you negatively in Texas divorce settlements.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 11:35 AM
5

Raise your standards for a partner beyond easing your loneliness, or you'll be asking the same question again in a couple years. Raise your self worth above being able to attract a partner for the same reason. If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 05:01 PM
5

My ex stole my audio recording equipment, power tools, video game consoles among other things. Denied it. Saw my old power tools in her garage a few weeks ago and snapped pictures of it all, added it to the tall pile of "I'd like to take her at her word your Honor, but..."
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 02:24 AM
9

Divorcing my ex was the best decision I've ever made. It definitely gets easier, but with a kid in the picture it's never as easy as it was when you were the only person paying the consequences of your poor decisions. Time is the only resource any of us have at the end of the day. Give it to folks who treat you with respect and dignity.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 04:47 PM
3

Don't look at it as time wasted. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. If you spend your time lamenting what yesterday took you'll miss everything tomorrow brings.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/22 03:06 AM
3

The US government is the worst baby momma. Raytheon and Lockheed gettin their nails did while the kids starve in their shitty diapers.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/22 06:27 PM
1

Paying alimony sucks but imagine having to pay alimony on the US median household income of $5600/month. Your income just went up almost double what the average household takes home.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/22 06:20 PM
10

I suspect something in the B cluster.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 01:43 PM
56

How many friends have they had for a long time? My ex had no friendships that went "way back" like I have with some fellas I've known since the second grade. When she did speak about her old friends it was about how awful they all were. Turns out the common thread there was her. She not only burned bridges; she would drop nukes and salt the earth so nothing would ever grow again.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 01:03 PM
1

I was. Major red flag. Get out immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/22 08:22 PM
1

Yeah, there's a lot of the usual righteous anger responses but this needs to be answered first. Did you even seriously discuss your financial/life goals before getting married? If not, then sorry, you're behind the 8 ball here. Not everyone's goal in life is to earn as much money possible and if you assumed that to be the case then that's on you. Have you discussed it at all? Bringing it up passive aggressively doesn't count. It needs to be a calm, focused discussion where you explain your goals…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 02:34 PM
7

I'm gonna suggest you stop standing up to her. Toxic people provoke you because it makes you defensive. They heel you to hook you. It feeds their compulsion to feel in control of everything. And while you're spinning your wheels on ice they're plotting and scheming the next curveball to throw at you. Check out the grey rock method which I find works well for toxic people. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 04:37 AM
3

As soon as my first child was born it was clear my ex never intended to work another day in her life. Didn't get a job until I left her ass.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 12:55 PM
3

It's an outpatient procedure and they give you some strong drugs. I was tender for about a week after and that was it. Physically nothing feels different than before. Great investment.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/21 03:42 AM
3

lol done about a week after my 2nd was born.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 11:36 PM
3

I'm okay with child support. Spousal support is a joke. Edit: the exception being men who use financial leverage as a means to control their spouse, but I'm willing to wager that's the exception and not the rule.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 08:33 PM
2

I often think about this line from No Country for Old Men; "All the time ya spend trying to get back what's been took from ya, more is going out the door. After a while you just have to try to get a tourniquet on it." If only I could get the goddamn tourniquet on I'd be okay with it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 08:31 PM
3

It starts about $1500 a month, two kids, two moms. I have to carry the health insurance which is about another $1400 a month. I owe half of all medical expenses so I get the best plan offered by my employer so I only have to pay 1/2 copay for most Dr visits. My son was recently diagnosed with autism and ADHD so his medication/therapy will be around $300 a month. My daughter just started orthodontics and that will be expensive. I also owe half for the piano lessons, soccer dues, and all other "ex…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 08:27 PM
1

I have two with different mothers so it's like 18.75% for EACH kid. If your kids have the same mother the 2nd kid only brings it up to like 25% total instead of 37.5%. However, I'm pretty sure those are the standard guidelines and a judge has discretion to go above or below that amount.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 08:19 PM
4

Oh I'm "selfish" for taking this 2nd job because now they can't swap weekends around as they see fit.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 05:28 PM
9

After going to HR they said they received a stop order for only one child/case. OAG CS office says they mailed both. Asked for a copy of the 2nd order since they originally only emailed me one. Got a copy of the 2nd order. Dated today. Sounds like they fucked this up, again. I don't see how it takes them weeks to do what Venmo does in seconds and still fuck it up constantly. TX govt corrupt as hell.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 04:03 PM
2

I'm in TX. Not sure what the rule is here because it's never been applicable to me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 02:59 PM
18

we either die exploited or live long enough to become the exploiters, what a sham
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 02:55 PM
10

I make more money now when the order was signed. On paper I make about $85k a year, but after taxes, healthcare premiums and child support I take home less than $42k. Rent alone is 16.2K a year for a two bedroom duplex. (Constantly being criticized the kids have to share a room when they're here). Student loans are another $6k. Car payments are $6k. Was hoping to refinance closer to 4.2K but haven't been approved yet. That leaves about $1100 month. Utilities are about $350. Car insurance is $90.…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/21 02:50 PM
2

Kind of scary how common shocked Pikachu is a response to consequences of one's own actions
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/21 12:53 AM
6

Or her secret OnlyFans account is really blowing up.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/21 01:55 PM
3

This actually does piss me off and requires legislation to address. I don't qualify for any type of aid because "my" income is too high. Nevermind 40% of it doesn't ever even hit my bank account. Meanwhile they don't have to claim as income, and they generally get all the other tax benefits as well.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/21 01:51 PM
1

Yes. To wit - what difference would it make? That one would be *more justified* in stomping and snorting and hooting about it? My advice consistently on this sub has been to channel your energies into productive behaviors and role model good behaviors for your kids. Getting upset because life isn't fair solves nothing, but worse you're still giving her power over you by letting her behaviors upset you in the first place. You can't control other people, you can only control how you react to other…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/21 01:13 PM
1

Custody and child support are two different things. You're not paying for the privilege of time with your child, you're paying to support them. More specifically so the tax payer won't end up stuck with the tab. If you're worried about how they're spending the money, only advice I have is grow the fuck up. Every decision you've made in your life, every step you've taken is what brought you to where you are now and until you learn to accept some accountability you'll never break the cycle.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/21 12:10 PM
5

I've never understood this "for the kids" mentality. You hope your children might one day also find themselves stuck in unsatisfying relationship and unhappy? "I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you find the strength to start all over again."
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/21 12:54 PM
11

My advice is stop treating it as a trial separation. The sooner you rip off the band-aid the sooner you can start living your best life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/21 03:47 PM
4

Add up your assets, add up your liabilities, divide by 2. The process may be sightly more nuanced depending on your state but that's the basis. Alimony/Child Support are not part of this equation. Of course if you're on good terms you can agree on whatever split you like, and if not her lawyer can ask for the moon.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/21 12:30 PM
2

If you wrote a book and gave it away for donations like ad blocker you'd probably do really well in the long run and not have to split a cut with publishers, distributors, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 09:39 PM
1

Yeah, I had filed pro-se and her family convinced her to lawyer up so I had to as well. Ended up getting more than what I had originally asked for but not $4K in legal fees more.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 09:36 PM
1

Wish I knew this back when I was going through it. My ex still acts like if she drags me back to court she'll get to parade in a laundry list of her friends to "testify" against my character. They'll never stop trying to provoke you. Don't take the bait. Won't be long until you both realize you're much better off without them than they are without you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 02:58 PM
1

Whoa buddy. Our legal system provides only as much justice as you can afford. How dare you imply that a reasonable, impartial and fair solution be wrought without a $300 hourly rate and $5000 retainer? I just hope you never have to look that attorney or their friend/opposing counsel's child in their designer glasses when you're ripping the silver spoon outta their mouth.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/21 09:48 PM
2

As far as I know someone needs to initiate a request for child support changes in Texas. I've been paying for 6 years now and have yet to have an increase. I've also changed jobs and briefly moved out of state (due to a job) in that time period, notifying the Texas AG as required each time. Basically, your current order stands until someone (you or your ex) petitions the court to change it. They will consider investment income, bonuses, overtime, pensions etc. in determining your amount but I'm …
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/21 09:47 PM
1

Knew a wealthy guy that could actually foot the attorney's fees fight for full custody of his children. Wife had been in and out of rehab twice since he filed for divorce. Still couldn't pull more than 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 07:15 PM
9

NAL but I bet having a marriage ceremony is enough to show "good faith." I'm "common law" married in Texas, and the litmus test is basically if you act like you're married, tell people you're married, then you're married. But there's a loophole in Texas law that if 2 years pass after separation and neither party files for divorce proceedings then the court presumes there was never a marriage to begin with. Still could probably come back to bite me in some way, if I had any assets to split that i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 06:33 PM
3

NAL but I believe this depends on the state. Also, don't shack up with anyone prior to settling the divorce. Even if you're "separated" it will neutralize any benefit you might reap from her affair.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/21 07:39 PM
2

Agreed, but also pick your battles. Remember, this is a war of attrition designed to drain you financially and emotionally. Sometimes it's better to lose a battle and win the war.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/21 07:37 PM
0

My goal is to help others through the tramatic experience of divorce, not participate in a circle jerk of fragile, self-victimizing egos. You're standing wherever you are right now because every single step you've taken in your life has led you there, has it not? If you can't accept responsibility for your life what's the point in bitching about it anyway?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/21 04:29 AM
0

Capable women must smell the misogyny off you and steer clear. Why should society pick up the tab cause you got grifted? Caveat emptor.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/21 01:14 AM
-2

I don't think it's an anti men agenda so much as they just don't want to end up holding the bag for anyone who was formerly financially dependent on someone else. Men generally make more money than women which is why they generally get the short end financially speaking. Besides, that would be denying accountability on our part. However toxic and horrible our exes may be it was still our poor decisions to get involved with them in the first place.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/21 12:58 PM
5

Not sure if it's the same in Europe but in the US there's a punitive element towards men in a divorce, as if society just presumes it's YOUR fault therefore doesn't want to be burdened in supporting someone which you once voluntarily supported.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/21 11:29 AM
2

Yeah, you're in a pretty good setup to split. Spousal support is quickly becoming a thing of the past unless you've been married long enough (10 years I think in some states) and they haven't been working; the idea being they need some time to phase back into the job market/make arrangements but even then I believe it's usually temporary. Getting divorced was one of the best decisions I ever made. Everyday you don't is another day of your life you won't get back, and time is the only real thing …
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 12:33 PM
1

I filed for an uncontested divorce and her parents made her lawyer up so I had to as well. Costed me $4k but I ended up with more than what I initially asked.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/21 03:59 PM
1

Sure, but how long do you think she’s willing to drag it out in front of a judge what’s “fair?” And if you try to represent yourself there’s a good chance you’ll be paying her attorney fees as well. It’s good you have a principled view of fairness. It means your kids still have a chance to be good people. You gotta be Hank Hill now man. You gotta strive for perfection, understand your position in the social hierarchy and take satisfaction from holding yourself to a higher standard than your peer…
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/21 04:27 AM
1

Furthermore your attorney will usually be able give you a very close estimate of what your total cost (in fees and assets) because they’ve done dozens of these and they know the opposing counsels and judges involved in your case. They know the ins/outs of family law as well. My suggestion is to humble yourself when he slides that slip of paper across the desk what your best settlement case looks like and figure out how to scrape it together. If she’s dug in about a particular thing let her have …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/21 11:16 PM
4

It’s a cabal. You either pay the lawyer or pay your ex. Money is going the wrong way for you either way, accept it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/21 10:29 PM
3

If it’s not even a year just get an annulment.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/21 02:14 PM
2

The dollars and cents of divorce certainly sting. (Unless you’re my ex who’s parents paid to lawyer her up after I filed a no contest.) Best thing to do is let it go. Accept it. Move on. We can rationalize our feelings all day long but to what value? It’s hard to accept an expensive life lesson sure, but you’ll lose even more futilely fighting against it. Let go of the material things. You can’t take them with you. Focus your life on having meaningful experiences with people you care about and g…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/20 01:36 PM
1

Yup
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/19 12:31 AM
2

This but in the current scenario the IRS is still probably losing that extra money in the form of EITC. I might add this is the only aspect of child support that pisses me off. My exes both get to claim the children as dependents and I don’t while they get nearly 40% of my income tax free and I get stuck in a higher bracket with only myself as an exemption and they get a lower bracket with the f’ing EITC on top. So the $13k I paid in taxes last year basically funded their returns which were high…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/19 11:50 PM
2

Do you mean you tried yourself or hired a process server? Not sure about the California statutes but here in Texas there is a process and if a judge determines you exhausted all reasonable attempts to serve them they will let the case proceed.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/19 07:56 PM
19

She’s trying to provoke you. Don’t take the bait. If she can’t be civil do all your communication through the court. Record everything. Write it down, record phone calls (if it’s legal in your state). Stay calm cool and collected. Don’t make accusations in return, in front of the judge just reiterate your concern for your kid. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/19 11:21 PM
3

Anything acquired during the marriage is owned 50/50, assets or debts unless you have an airtight paper trail about something you owned prior to marriage but unless it’s substantial you’ll lose most of the value in lawyer fees fighting over it anyway. That’s the cost of walking away but it will only increase if you continue to earn more and she continues to consume more. It’s an expensive life lesson for most of us.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/19 03:35 PM
1

You should be able to register an account online with the insurance provider on behalf of your children and then request as many additional cards as you like. Both my kid’s mothers and my girlfriend who is my domestic partner on my employer insurance were all able to register their own accounts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/19 12:25 AM
2

My ex stole a bunch of my music recording equipment and power tools, despite me letting her walk away from my student loans. You’ll lose more than that financially fighting to get it back, not to mention the emotional costs. $1,000 is a bargain for the peace of mind of cutting toxic people out of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/19 12:36 AM
3

Take heart my dude. It’s hard for sure, no doubt about that. While I used to believe it was in the kids’ best interest to stick it out my views have changed. We only get one little tiny glimpse of existence and you should teach your little ones it’s better to recognize when costs are sunk, be they financial or emotional. Just be there for them, and be there for your ex, especially when they’re pushing your buttons or taking the world out on you. You are not your account balance or your car or an…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/19 11:18 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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