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stupididiot78 Archive

View 0 posts and 384 comments by stupididiot78 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
13

No. I have no desire to either. She is totally and completely out of my life. I don't even know where she lives or how she pays her bills now. We have kids but they're grown so no need to coordinate anything. It's weird. This person was what my entire world revolved around for over 30 years. Now she's just gone.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 09:51 AM
3

Who gives a crap what she wants at this point? She's blowing up the family. She doesn't get a say in how everyone else deals with her choices.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 09:05 AM
7

A real man watches out for himself and his kids, not the person blowing up their family. My ex was also pissy because I didn't leave the house. Oh well. At one point, she was went on about how the only fair thing to do was sell it and neither one of us gets it. I thought the only fair thing to do was not cheat on me with a guy she worked with. Looks like neither one of us got what we wanted.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 08:59 AM
13

She didn't give me the courtesy of letting me know she was dating when we were still married. Why should I tell her now?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 08:07 AM
3

All the fancy ideals are nice and all but they are very expensive. You said that she has a cold half. No she doesn't. That's her now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/24 03:43 AM
1

If the vows were meaningless, why wouldn't the ring be too?
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 05:41 PM
4

I found out that she was a lying cheater.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 05:31 PM
1

You're welcome, friend.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 09:14 PM
1

Think of the bad times. Think of what she's put you through after those times. I miss me and how I felt back then. I don't miss the person who put me here.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 09:34 PM
14

Actually, I would advocate being selfish. Your ex doesn't have your best interests at heart. She's only watching out for herself to get as much as she can. F that. You've got to be selfish and only caring about yourself because no one else is.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 09:53 AM
2

"Hey sucker, give me money so I can be my own person!" My ex chose to cheat. She chose to end things. She then got upset that I wasn't trashing my own life to make her new one better because she was having a hard time without me. I'm actually really glad she did that. It made me see who she really is as a person and made me realize that I needed to start watching out for myself because she sure as hell wasn't.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 03:58 PM
4

At what point do I start saying that "your problems are no longer my problems" and to just leave me be. There's a very easy answer to that question from a very wise man who knows your situation very well. She's the one who moved out and moved on, on a whim. I'm just trying to keep my shit together. It's bad enough I also lost my really good job I had for over 20 years back in July. I'm making some money but not nearly enough to cover bills at fedex. The new job is very physically demanding.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 03:50 PM
2

It really doesn't matter what a bunch of internet strangers say. What matters is what the court says.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/24 10:30 PM
1

Thank you. I don't know where you're at in all of this but I love you too. You've got this!
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 02:36 PM
8

You've got it out. Now stop pining away for this person who has replaced the woman you married. The woman you married is dead and gone. She'd be sick if she knew what this woman would go on to do. Stop worrying about her and watch out for yourself. She's not on your side anymore. You need to watch your own back because someone needs to and she's made it clear that it's not her. Mourn what was because it's gone and not coming back. It's time to rebuild the best that you can. I'm not saying it'll …
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/24 07:26 AM
13

To be fair, there are a whole lot of men on here who are quick to call their ex-wives narcissists too. We all have narcissistic qualities. Everyone does. Honestly, you need at least a few to survive in this world. That doesn't mean people are actually narcissists. That word gets thrown around anytime anyone doesn't put other's wants and needs first.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 08:38 AM
7

You didn't fail at anything. Nothing. You did everything right. Sometimes, people spiral after a traumatic experience like losing a child. They don't want to be around anyone or anything that reminds them of that loss. It's too big. It's too much for them. They can't handle it so they do the only thing they know to do and that's to run as hard and as far away from all that grief that they can. You can't save someone who is like that. She's not running from you, your marriage, or your son. Oddly …
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 04:33 AM
8

People usually don't split up because the sex is bad. They split because of their personalities. Why get rid of the good part and then keep just the bad part? Besides that, why would you ever want to be frienxds with someone who would break that whole "til death fo us part" thing that they promised when you decided to build your life around her?
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 07:07 AM
16

First of all, you're not the only man to feel this way. I know I've thought about killing myself too but I haven't. You aren't going to either. First of all, don't try to understand or make sense of this. You'll never get an answer that makes sense or makes you feel better. It's just not going to happen. Here it is. Your wife, the woman you married and made a family with, is gone. She's dead and she's been replaced with someone who would make your wife sick. That woman that some guy is doing all…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 06:19 AM
2

I was literally texting my version of this girl before I came on here.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/24 02:07 AM
3

Go to the Goodwill. Look around and find things there that look like they'd be fun to break.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 02:33 AM
0

Unfortunately, you don't know all the debt that your spouse has gotten into while you're still married. That goes for men and women.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 04:27 AM
6

In the words of Neil Young, "I don't feel like Satan but I am to them." Also, in the words of Pete Townshend, "I don't need to be forgiven." We're all the bad guy in someone's story.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 05:12 AM
4

She ruined my life. The people who care about me deserve the truth even if I didn't get it from the woman who cheated on me.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/24 03:58 AM
4

She doesn't owe you anything if you have to take out a new loan at a higher rate. You're fucked. If it makes you feel any better, she's fucked too. You can't just go to the bank and take your name off the loan and the title. It doesn't work like that. She's going to have to get a new loan that is just in her name. You'll both be paying that new higher interest rate.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 10:55 PM
2

She was at her mom's because she needed space and wouldn't take my calls but I could see her repeatedly calling her AP during that time.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 08:53 PM
6

I'm sorry if what I'm about to say comes across as cruel. It's not fair nor is it right and I'm not claiming thar it is. You're disabled. An able bodied person being with a disabled person can grow resentful over time, especially if she has to do a lot to career for you. Even if she doesn't, knowing that your spouse won't be able to care for you the way you care for them cause bitterness. All of that on top of the ways that people change as they age can make a person pretty bitter. . I don't kno…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 05:36 PM
8

I just want to fight until I can't That's exactly where you are now. You can't logic your way back into her life. Logic has nothing to do with what's happening here. She's said it's done. She's done. You need to start looking after you and your best interests now because she sure isn't going to.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/24 12:30 AM
10

The problem with moving somewhere new is that you'll be there too. What that means is that all the mental and physical problems you have in one place are parts of you and will follow you wherever you live. Also, new cities are fun and exciting to visit. That doesn't mean they'll be great to live in.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 11:09 PM
9

Hey man, your ex is out there getting laid by anyone and everyone that will have her. That's a pretty good sign that nobody or group of people is enough for her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/24 08:29 PM
22

When I was married, my ex got cancer right after she turned 30. I went to every single doctor appointment. She was in and out of the hospital for months, and there was a grand total of one night that I didn't spend up there with her. Even her friends that didn't like me talked about how lucky she was to have me taking care of her. The cancer was caused by some weird genetic thing that runs in her family. It causes cancers and all kinds of GI issues. Her doctor told her that she was going to have…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 05:01 AM
1

When I was married, my ex got cancer right after she turned 30. I went to every single doctor appointment. She was in and out of the hospital for months, and there was a grand total of one night that I didn't spend up there with her. Even her friends that didn't like me talked about how lucky she was to have me taking care of her. The cancer was caused by some weird genetic thing that runs in her family. It causes cancers and all kinds of GI issues. Her doctor told her that she was going to have…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 04:49 AM
5

You've never worked with nurses. They talk about all kinds of things that should be kept to yourself but they never are.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 04:07 AM
-1

No we aren't. I'm in the sub because my ex was the cheater. I've heard people talk about this for years. I've been a nurse for almost a decade now and I've never known of any of my coworkers cheating. Word would spread really fast if they did so with someone else from work.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 03:24 AM
2

Oh, the younger one knows. It doesn't matter. I don't talk to the older one about the younger one or my ex. I'll occasionally have the older one take gifts to the younger one but I never get a message back or anything.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 06:49 AM
4

Older son is 24. I get along with him great and always have. Younger son is 20 and we don't talk. I've always been the bad guy with him and everything is my fault even though my wife cheated. When he was younger, I'd try to be an actual parent and set rules with consequences for him. My ex was a doormat for the kid and was more worried about being his friend. He could make those at school if he'd actually go. He only has 2 parents and we needed to act like them. I know I fucked up a lot over the…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 04:58 AM
5

Having a bad companion is way worse than not having one at all. If someone is threatening you with divorce, that shows they've that don't take marriage seriously. It's supposed to be the two of you against the world until you die. Instead, it's her, her friend, and her mom against you and she keeps talking about ending it. Let her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/24 08:53 AM
12

Don't try to understand. You can't logic your way out of a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 06:20 AM
2

Yeah. It's easy to say that stuff and maybe even believe it during the day. It's when you can't sleep at 4 am that it's gets harder.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 04:01 AM
5

This is a woman who is tearing your family apart. Why would you ever want to be with someone like that? Pity the poor guy who actually picks up that bag of crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 10:13 PM
6

Part of the divorce decree was that I could keep the house if I could refinance it. I'd missed a couple of payments after she left so I had a giant red X on my credit report. I could make the payments with no problem but nobody would give me a loan because of the miss. I had to have a year of good solid payments before they'd do that. A few months had already passed so I just started dragging my feet and not working with anyone at all unless there was a court order sating that I had to. The cour…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 11:32 PM
15

My ex cheated on me and then chose to file for divorce. I stayed in the house and she left. I was supposed to get the house ready for market by myself and I wasn't doing it fast enough. At one point my ex emailed me saying how hard her life was going, she needed the money, and it wasn't fair that ibwas taking so long. She trashed our family. She trashed my life. Now, she was upset and expecting me to feel bad because I wasn't giving up my home fast enough. I'm actually really glad she did that t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 10:49 PM
0

N n
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 10:06 PM
1

It's in your name. Just sell it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 09:49 PM
2

Rent is never better than buying a house usually at a profit Those two statements don't work so well together. You almost always have fees from the bank for originating a loan. Most people also use a real estate agent to sell their house and they'll typically take 6-7% of the sale price for their services. Markets crash or stagnate. If you plan on living somewhere long-term, buying usually is a good idea. If you only plan on staying somewhere for a year or two, you won't have any of your money g…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:43 PM
2

Well of course you're sad and depressed. You're going through a really horrible thing that you never even considered might happen. Who cares what she wants at this point? You wanted to spend your golden years with your wife that you've known and loved for decades but she's not letting that happen. Even if you did meet someone new and wonderful, you'll never have the history with them. That's the part that I really hate.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:37 AM
2

Well, I'm glad you're here with me tonight, my friend. I hate everything that ypuve gone through for you. Life shouldn't be like this for anyone.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 05:14 AM
8

Yep. People get really into their rebounds.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 11:47 PM
16

You're the type of person who licks hot stoves after burning your hand on them aren't you?
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 11:46 PM
8

It doesn't matter what you did or didn't do. I purposely always did everything that I could for my ex. It worked so well that I'm on here talking to ypu tonight. You're good enough. You did what you could. That's all anybody could ever ask of you.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 07:34 AM
6

If she threatens suicide, call 911 and let them deal with her. She needs mental help and that's the only way to provide it. The cause doesn't matter.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 05:41 AM
8

She got pregnant almost as soon as we got married even though I really didn't want kids because she'd "forget" to take her birth control. Don't get me wrong, I love both of them to death. I just didn't want to have kids because I knew how bad I'd be at being a dad. I sucked as much as i thought I would but stuck with it doing the best I could for over 20 years. We had our whole lives, right? Even if things aren't great now, I can stick with it and live the good life with my wife once the kids ar…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 05:31 AM
12

Yes you do deserve that but it won't make any difference. She wants out. That's all you need to know. Why is one of the most pointless questions anyone can ever ask and people get so hung up on it. It doesn't matter why. You are where you are. The only thing that matters is moving forward. You'll never logic your way out of this. The sooner you accept that, the better you'll be.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 05:12 AM
6

Who cares what she wants? You didn't want to her to fuck another man and look at what that got you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 11:37 PM
1

Try Pentagon Federal credit union. That place is known in the collector car market for giving loans on cars that most other banks won't touch. I wanted a 13 year old used car with around 120k miles on it. Most places laughed at me. PenFed didn't hesitate.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/24 03:58 AM
2

Be honest.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/24 11:43 PM
5

Ok. She's got some good qualities. That's great. No argument there at all. You seem like a decent guy. I'm sure you wouldn't have chosen to be with her if she didn't have some good things about her. The thing is, she's going to have those great qualities whether you're in her life or not. Those weren't what I was talking about. You're a human being. You're not perfect. You have your struggles in life. That's OK! We all do. Your wife has her own issues. It sounds like you do what you can do to be…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 03:41 AM
1

So what is she doing to make you happy or make your life better? Seriously, you have your own wants and needs. We all do. There's nothing wrong with that. It's perfectly normal. It just means you're human. Instead of focusing on what you're doing or not doing, look and see what she's doing. Marriage is a 2 way street.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/24 02:46 AM
9

I get it. My ex has a rare genetic disorder that causes GI problems and greatly increases her risk of various cancers. She actually had and beat cancer once when she turned 30. I didn't like the care she got during that time and wanted better for her so I actually quit being an engineer, went back to college, got a degree, got my license, and became a Registered Nurse so she would have 24x7 care by a trained professional the next time she got sick. Then she cheated on me with a guy she worked wi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 07:53 PM
4

I fucking hate how quiet it is. I have to have music or a TV show playing pretty much 24x7 when I'm at home.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/24 08:27 AM
2

That's only a week for a couple of weeks or so. Nobody bpinces back that fast. It's going to get worse but it will eventually get better. It'll be a while though.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 06:51 PM
8

You're not tearing it apart. She tore your family up by cheating on you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 03:43 PM
3

My dude, she's out there smearing your name. She's already making you look like one of the worst people in the world. You have nothing to lose at this point except money. Her friends are going to believe her no matter what you say or do. You might as well take the freedom that comes with that. Besides, do you think your interests and well-being were on her mind while she was sleeping with this other guy?
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 03:11 PM
1

Let her affair partner pay her bills. The kids have a stable home with you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 03:06 PM
2

Know anybody with the last name of Blagrave or Lane? If so, you know my family because they're from Vincennes.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 10:29 PM
10

Not into hookups but am OK with sex outside of marriage if I'm actually serious about someone. That just hasn't happened and I'm not in a big rush to change that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 10:20 PM
1

Which small town? I'm from Evansville and currently live in Louisville.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 10:17 PM
8

I think that most of us know that we screwed up along the way. We're human. That's what humans do. The reason why we're bitter is that we stuck around even when we were unhappy and that our exes didn't. They gave up and walked away. I know that there were times when I was incredibly unhappy in my marriage. I absolutely hated where I was and so many things about my life. I never gave up though. I fought, but I fought to make things better for us. Leaving was never an option for me. Yes, I was les…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 07:57 PM
2

Most of the people that I know are on antidepressants. I'm taking the same one you are. They help.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 06:56 AM
7

Happy birthday! I can't say much about the other stuff but I still just wanted you to hear it from someone who wants nothing butt he best for you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 03:13 PM
5

Why's don't matter. She's gone and trying to take your kid. This is not the woman ypu married. She us not looking put for you anymore so you need to start just looking out for yourself. Lawyer up and don't give in on anything unless it benefits you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 10:39 PM
5

Go file a restraining order against her. She's the one thatcwants to split up, she's the one that wants to plat the restraining order game, fine. The best defense when dealing with a bully like this is a good offense. Let her explain that stiff to her school. Just make sure you get cameras so you can record everything that goes on to show how full of crap she is.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:04 PM
5

Yep. Some people just suck as human beings. Too bad they don't come with labels.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 08:52 PM
8

She's got primary custody and the kid is having problems. Don't worry about what she'll do to you. Make her worry about what you'll do to her. Sometimes the best defense is a good offense.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 08:32 PM
3

Regardless of what's happened in the past, you need to change what happens in the future. Only communicate in writing. If you must be around this person IRL, make sure you have a recorder going. This is all for your own protection.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 12:24 AM
3

She's not your best friend anymore. She stripping your home and making things terrible for your kids. Remember these times.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 09:10 PM
6

She should forgive you the same way you forgave her.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 06:44 PM
17

She's wanting 6 months so she can get all her stuff setup and ready for when she is finally ready to file. In the meantime, she knows that you'll spend 6 months begging her to stay while not doing any of your own preparations. She's going to take everything she can from you so you need to start watching out for yourself and your own future now because I can promise that she's not going to. She's already said that you haven't appreciated her so now she's focused on making sure she gets everything…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 09:59 AM
4

Why shouldn't it? The guy has told her how much he doesn't want to be with her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 12:54 PM
3

Talk to a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 06:11 AM
3

Damnit.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 04:21 AM
6

Get a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 01:34 AM
5

The guy is working at Wendy's and she's spending her husband's money. He isn't thinking about how he's going to provide for kids. He's thinking that he's got a sugar momma.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 11:13 PM
8

They didn't want you in their family anymore so don't be. That's my approach.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 09:38 PM
12

When my ex's boyfriend first startrd sniffing around, I very nearly kicked his ass. Once I saw how she was responding, I was thankful. He let me see how she really was and I wish someone would have done that years ago. I still thought he was a piece of shit but that's OK because he is now with someone who is a known liar and a cheat. Those two pieces of human garbage deserve each other.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 09:31 PM
1

Speaking as someone from the heart of bourbon country, that hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 04:06 PM
3

So she doesn't destroy them.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 06:07 AM
4

This is a woman who betrayed her marriage vows and slept with another person. That is not the person you chose to marry. You were a faithful husband. Being angry is normal but there's nothing to feel bad about. She lost you for some loser who would fuck another man's wife. As for the affair partner, he showed you just exactly how trashy your ex is. Be thankful for that. He's also now stuck with a woman who has proven how unfaithful she can be. She's his problem now. If you see them out in public…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 11:29 PM
6

Who knows what she's thinking and who cares? File yourself and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 10:24 PM
3

Also, I was talking to one of my buddies about divorce a while back since we were both going through our own at the same time. It's easy to tell yourself these things and believe them during the day. It gets a lot harder when you're laying in bed at 2 am and can't sleep because of everything going through your head. Hang in there, guy. Things suck now but you will get better.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 09:50 PM
3

I’m just struggling to remember the bad times and that I really wasn’t happy either. My friend, these are the bad times. Look at where her actions have put you. He choices and her actions are why you are where you are now. Anytime that you're feeling down and missing her, look at all the negative things that have happened since you split up. Why would you ever want to be with someone who caused you to be going through all this?
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 09:14 PM
3

as a mental health professional Why is it that craziest people out there tend to flock to careers like that?
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 08:54 PM
8

Her mom cosigned for her on that loan and they owe like twenty grand on it. Ok, the woman barely works and she got a car that required a loan of $20,000? There's no way I would take out that big of a loan, and my income, while far from rich, is definitely above normal. Yes, buying the cheapest car possible will definitely end up costing you more because of repairs. It's still possible to get a car that is perfectly fine and will be reliable for way less than that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 08:46 PM
10

I got a message or 2 like this from my ex after we separated. I'm actually really thankful for them. She chose to sneak around with this other guy. She chose to get divorced. She chose to do things with no concern for how she would make life much worse for me. Those were things that showed that she was not looking after me. When I got messages from her about how hard of a time she was having and how she needed money, that was what I needed to see to get it through my head that I really needed to…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 05:43 PM
1

That's something for the lawyers to fight out regardless of how old you are. I'd try contacting the hospital's social workers as well as a lawyer for those questions. Unfortunately, my focus is on the medical side of all this stuff and not really the financial side.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 06:31 AM
1

Try reaching out to some of the local homeless shelters near you and see if they can help ypu get back on your feet.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 06:13 AM
2

I have no clue about the divorce stuff. I do, however, know the medical world. Lots of people will have surgeries and then not be sick enough to stay at the hospital but not well enp7gh to go home. That's what rehab facilities are for. Go there and let them do their thing. They have people who will help you be the best possible you that you can be. The hospital and facilities will work together to get everything transferred for you. Not only that, there are also plenty of companies out there tha…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 05:58 AM
1

According to our kid's DNA test that looked at mom's side of things, 95%+ English.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 07:44 PM
1

Sports cars are about more than top speeds. There's also how quickly you can get up to the speed limit, how quickly you can take turns, how well you can brake. My car is 20 years old and things have improved a lot in that time. Still, it was considered pretty high performance in that time. My ability to get from point A to B is the same as it was when I had a very low performance one. I don't care. It's still a lot more fun to drive.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 06:57 PM
6

I get this. I was think7ng about the same thing last night. My ex was always proud of me and my accomplishment at work. I've had some pretty great successes lately - I just made Assistant Director of Health Services at a healthcare company. I'm making more money than anyone in either of our families. The one person I want to celebrate with is totally out of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 05:32 PM
2

You're welcome. Check out the home theater sub. You can definitely get some good ideas on how to blow ridiculous amounts of money on stuff there. Seriously, my sub woofer alone would blow 2-3 months of ypur budget and that's one of my cheaper components.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 01:36 PM
2

There is no need but that's not what we're talking about here. You asked for ways to spend money on fun things.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 01:32 PM
2

You say you play video games. How nice is your setup? I do too and having an awesome sound system is great and can very easily get incredibly expensive.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 01:13 PM
5

If divorce is even an option for the other person, just cut it there. I was incredibly unhappy for a long while but never even considered it. She was looking into divorce but I fought to save things. That was one of the stupidest things I've ever done in my entire life. After wasting years and years trying to make her happy, she filed. I'll never get those years of my life back.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/24 10:42 PM
7

We moved into the place together and I kept it after she left. I do have bad memories of her but I also have good memories of the kids. My ex was never into decorating or building stuff into the way that she liked. A lot of the stuff that I had done to the house over the years was done to make it the way that I wanted. I'd definitely seek her input so that she would be happy with stuff too but most of the time it was just her going along with whatever I wanted to do. Now it's me using all of my …
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 08:46 PM
1

Sadly, I'm a lot of men on this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 05:35 PM
9

Who knows what it means and who cares? Why would you be looking at her page anyway?
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 08:26 AM
11

Her flaws include leaving. That's a flaw you didn't have.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/24 03:27 AM
-6

Ooooo, you fucked.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 05:20 AM
8

Pay for your own lawyer. Your ex is watching out for herself now, not you. You need to worry about you and your best interests. Let her new boyfriend worry about her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/24 02:12 AM
2

I talked to one lady after we split up but it just didn't feel right to date someone while I was still technically married so I passed. I wanted to date one lady after things were final but she's going through her own incredibly messy divorce so she passed. I installed one of the apps and played around a little bit but nothing has coke from it. I'm not super attractive and I purposely downplay my job so I don't attract gold diggers.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 07:27 AM
3

She's already turned her feelings off. They have been off for quite a while now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 05:30 AM
4

Personally, new job and new responsibilities have really helped me. Keeps me out of the house, around other people, busy, and the extra cash has been pretty great too.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/24 12:25 AM
2

So only talk to her about those subjects. Text messages and emails are perfectly sufficient for those things. One of my buddies was getting divorced and his ex would write him ranting emails that did nothing but get him upset. He stopped reading them. We'd have lunch and he'd give me his phone. I'd read her emails, tell him anything he actually needed to know, and delete everything else so he didn't have to subject himself to insanity.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 03:51 AM
2

That doesn't mean you have to stand there and let her attack you. Don't argue. Don't engage. At this point, it is a business deal and that's it. I never thought you wanted to win her back. Your issue is that you're asking how to deal with her and her actions. Much like thermonuclear war, the only winning move is not to play.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 03:39 AM
3

She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. Give her what she wants. Anytime she starts going after you, just leave. She's your ex now. There is zero reason why you should stick around and deal with her BS anymore. Just stop doing it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 03:32 AM
6

Starting to worry that im chronically depressed or anxious (or both) but don’t want to be on pharma meds. You say that you don't want to take antidepressant medications and I get that but. In my experience, most people change their mind once someone tells them how they work. I get not wanting to throw a bunch of chemicals in your brain. Addiction is a valid concern and so is not wanting your personality to come from a pill. The thing is, that's not how the most common antidepressants work at all…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 02:10 AM
1

It has been really good for me. It is held in a church but it's totally nonrelgious. The church just lets us use a couple rooms every Sunday night. There are very strict rules about not trying to convert anyone. I am very much an atheist and I've never felt the least bit uncomfortable there. The only bad thing that I will say that I really don't like is that there are 2 or 3 small groups and they change the memberships up from time to time. That sucks because you get to know and loke people in y…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 01:49 AM
1

Groups are free where I live.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/24 01:37 AM
11

is there anything else I can do? Stop giving a single fuck. She's going to be "triggered" by whatever you do. When people are like that, they're going to be upset at you no matter what you do. You will always be the bad guy. If you're going to the pay the price for that, you might as well get the benefits as well.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 02:31 AM
2

Working is a great outlet for you. It keeps you busy, out of the house, and helps with the financial distress that we find ourselves with after the split.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:18 AM
2

There's a local divorce recovery support group here in town that I go to. I've met some great folks there who understand what I'm going through.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:16 AM
7

Nobody can be everything. We're just imperfect human beings doing the best we can. When we get married, we promise the other person that we won't do that. There's nothing in there about "until I'm feeling unfulfilled." There were times when I was insanely unhappy with a huge number of things with my ex but I never cheated on her even though plenty of people told me it would have been perfectly understandable if I had. I never cheated because I'm not that type of man. As it turns out, my ex was j…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 06:18 PM
9

Cheating is never justified. If you're in a bad relationship, end it and then go start looking for a new person. Cheating has nothing to do with the person you're with. It's about having self-control and being a decent person. Carrying on an affair is even worse than a one-time mistake, too. An affair is a series of conscious decisions and actions mad3 for purely selfish reasons. The people who do that are wholly deserving of whatever bad things come their way because of their actions.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 05:49 PM
3

The people at the mental hospital gave me the option of committing myself or doing an intensive outpatient program for weeks. I didn't feel in immediate danger so I went the outpatient route. Eventually, insurance said that they were going to stop paying because of how long I'd been going despite the fact that everyone there said that I needed to keep coming.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 05:38 PM
2

You might want to work on that.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 11:43 AM
2

When I did get angry, it was usually in front of her friends and family, so it looked like I was the problem most of the time. I'm not saying I was perfect - I made some inexcusable mistakes too. Don't beat yourself up. You were put in really shitty situations that you never wanted to be in and never would have chosen to be there. Judging someone because they didn't respond in a good way to a bad situation is ridiculously unfair. Not only that, she made a string of conscious decisions over an ex…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:58 AM
3

I'm so tired of feeling nothing but sad and angry all the time. The few times that are actually OK still suck because I know how bad I'm going to feel when I inevitably crash back down.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 03:38 AM
9

Nope. Divorce fucking sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 09:09 PM
6

I got a somewhat similar email from my ex after we split up. She cheated. She chose to divorce. She blew up our family. She left me in a really horrible position. Her life was going poorly and she wanted mine to go even worse so she wouldn't have to suffer as much. I'm actually really thankful that she sent that. That message was what I needed to see how ridiculous all of this was. When she did that, she made it extremely clear to me that I really had to stop worrying about her and only watch ou…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 08:06 PM
3

This is why you use a lawyer. You say you couldn't afford the legal fees but look at how hard up you are now. The reason why lawyers can be expensive is because they can end up saving you so much more over the long run.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 05:24 AM
1

Good man.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 07:49 AM
4

I sometimes think I should reach out and ask her why she can’t love me or try for the sake of our boys. That right there is reason enough not to care. She doesn't. She had 3 kids with you and she's treating you like this. Good people don't do that. The fact that she's making a conscious choice to do the things that she's doing is enough to make her a bad choice for you. Don't feel jealous of this new guy. He's swooping into this shit show. Either feel bad for him because of what he's getting him…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 07:11 AM
2

Fuck that noise. Just because the marriage went according to her doesn't mean the divorce has to. That ended with the marriage. She's not concerned about your best interests now so you need to be. Let her worry about her worry about her own problems. Those kids need their dad every bit as much as their mom so don't let her keep them from that man who just so happens to be you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 03:05 PM
13

She wanted to end things. You're just giving her what she wants. If that girl from 7 years ago is in there, she'd be disgusted by what that girl from today is doing. You should be too. Don't feel bad for watching out for your emotional well-being. The woman who said she'd always love you sure as hell isn't watching out for you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 07:17 AM
7

I get that. I still get really angry about everything that happened. I don't hate her though. I feel sorry for her. While I definitely had way more than my own fair share faults and shortcomings, I always tried to do right by her and for her. We all fall short of perfection but not many people can say that they had someone who always did all that they could for someone. She had that and she lost it. How's she ever going to get over that?
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 12:33 AM
5

Years before I got divorced, I was incredibly unhappy and kept trying to make things better. Once she figured out that I was incredibly unhappy, her response was to start looking into leaving and getting divorced. Like an idiot, I fought to keep us together. Eventually, things got better for a while. Later on, things were rough again and she left. I wasted so much time and money that I could have used to actually do something that would make me happy. Once I saw that divorce was even an option f…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 08:54 AM
1

Nope. Not possible, my friend. It would be great if it were possible. It's not. That's why I'm paying almost 5% more interest right now.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 04:44 AM
2

Happy birthday buddy.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/24 12:17 AM
2

It doesn't really matter what she thinks of you at this point. She's living in her world and you're living in yours. They're just going to continue to get further and further apart from here. The marriage is over. So should your cares about what she thinks about anything. Just worry about you from here.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 08:10 AM
3

Your statistics include roommates and women's workload when living with men. Marriages are much different things than just being a roommate.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 12:53 AM
9

It's extremely hard to ask for divorce because it's a bad idea. Men come on here and rip into women all the time for doing the very thing that you're wanting to do now. You complain about not sleeping in but then say she doesn't want your help. She's not making you get up. That's all you. You complain about the sex being boring. What are you doing to make it better? What makes you think that you'll find some amazing sex goddess out there who will want to continually want to have sex with you? Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 12:42 AM
5

You navigate it by saying yes the next time a guy hits on you. Not all relationships have to be long romantic ones. I wouldn't think a night of casual sex with a male to be that much of a logistical hurdle than it would be with a woman. As for myself, being gay or even bi sounds like it would be a lot easier but just doesn't do anything for me, unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 11:30 PM
7

I haven't even actually dated anyone yet. I was talking to a woman for a while and it just felt weird and wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 07:39 AM
2

Bot or not doesn't really matter to me. Word are words.They're still the same words and have the same meaning as the ones real people say.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 08:45 PM
2

2 years separated. 1 divorced. I'll let ypu know when I stop feeling the same way. I thought 6 might be something there with one lady but there wasn't. Other than that, I just don't feel like I'd even be that great of a choice for the women out there so I don't even try to inflict myself on them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/24 06:57 AM
1

No. Do you remember that old show Roseanne about this family who was constantly just barely by? The show supposedly took place in Illinois. All the shots of the house and around town were all in Indiana where the creator was from. I'm the same age as Darlene and grew up in that neighborhood. I can watch the show and tell you exactly where the places are. While I want someone who has known me as long as my ex did, I also don't want to go back to that place.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 01:23 AM
4

What really sucks is that there were 2 women interested in me and I could have seen marrying either one of them. I was absolutely into one of them but had my doubts about how well she would do long-term. The other one was great. She seemed like she'd be the best bet for a lifetime partner even if I wasn't as into her as the first one so I chose her. I've watched how life turned out for the other woman and seen how things played out with the one I chose. I love the kids that we made but that was …
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 12:43 AM
12

My ex and I split up on this date 2 years ago. This journey has been complete hell. I don't the current version of her back but I do miss the idea of her. I miss having a spouse and best friend. I've made a few friends since then that I go do stuff with but then I go home alone. I'm working a lot but I'll never recover financially. Also, I don't want to have to work a lot. I'm constantly either angry or sad. I don't want this life. I want someone that has known me since I was a teenager to hang …
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 12:28 AM
1

Exactly. It takes up your time and makes you too busy to miss the ex, too.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 04:35 AM
5

Get a job that lets you work a bunch of overtime. Divorce is expensive and you're left with lots of time to fill. You can solve both of those problems at the same time.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 02:34 AM
7

She's getting everything she needs to do to make the divorce go her way as much as she possibly can. Once she gets all her ducks in a row, she'll file and take as much as she can get.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 02:17 AM
4

I have no idea what to tell you to do. This just sucks. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 08:11 PM
4

There was one lady that I considered getting with but I just didn't feel like I was in the right place to start something up. Even if my ex was gone and fucking whoever, I just wanted to be able to say that I never had sex withone else at all the entire time I was married. My divorce was final almost exactly a year after we split up. I said I was going to take at least a year before I did anything. That'll be next week. I still don't feel like I have my shit together enough to really try to get …
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 03:50 AM
7

Why would I ever get jealous of someone wanting my ex? That's like saying I would be jealous of some idiot who bought my 28 year old Carolla after it got totaled in a wreck. Actually, no. I take that back. The Carolla may have been worn out and old, but at least it was reliable and always worked. That's a lot more than I can say about that car crash of a human being that I used to be married to. Feel bad for the guy who ends up with her and thankful that you got off that crazy train.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 11:21 PM
1

No. I actually really miss that lady. She could be annoying but she was really sweet. My kids are lucky to have her for a grandma.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 06:57 AM
1

You know who makes the best wingmen and will help you get women more than anyone else? Another woman. Before I got married, I had a female who thought it was fun to set up me up with her friends. Her friends were very .... friendly.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 06:08 AM
2

Makes it easier to shit on your head, too.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:27 AM
5

One of the dumbest things I ever did was stop my ex from leaving years before she cheated on me. The fact that she was even considering that said we weren't on the same page. My instinct was to make it work. Hers was to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:24 AM
5

You have been given the opportunity to help her realize the true meaning of what it means to be strong and independent My ex chose to cheat with a guy from work and ton get divorced. She wanted to live the life she wanted. Then I got an email from her saying how she needed money because of how bad her life was going. I didn't even bother responding. Then she had health problems and was having even more cash problems from that. They weren't her first health problems. She's got a genetic disorder …
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:22 AM
4

She's in her late 40s and wants to live the life of a high-school kid. Good luck with that 47 year old body.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:07 AM
2

Tell her you'll be sleeping in there tonight and she is free to join you if she likes. Then eat what you need to make the loudest and worse smelling farts as you can. Go to bed. Let nature do its thing. You might want to go cut the grass before bed as well. Basically, stand your ground and make her not want to be in there with you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 02:40 AM
1

First of all, stop agreeing to anything. She doesn't want you anymore. Stop paying for someone to leave you. She's cut you out of her life. Cut her out of your finances. Part of doing that is getting a lawyer. Yes. You will spend a good amount of cash. It's worth it. She has a lawyer to look after her financial best interests and get as much as possible for his client. You need someone to do the same for you. Your lawyer is going to save you money. There's no need for you to pay for her to go me…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 02:31 AM
1

Get one.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 11:39 PM
3

I didn't. I only have so much free time when I'm not working. I wanted to spend as much time with my wife and kids as I could and she actively disliked hanging out with people I'd make friends with so it was her and the kids or people I didn't really know that well. I wanted to be the dedicated husband and father so the only person I could put after the divorce was my barely adult son.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 08:53 PM
3

As annoying as she could be, my mother-in-law was a very sweet person. Mostly. She obviously backed her lying and cheating daughter with everything, which hurt, but I can understand why she did. I liked her brother even if we weren't exactly buddies. His wife and especially her kids, as well as the rest of her dysfunctional family that was still alive sucked and I'm glad to not have those people in my life anymore. Then again, her brother's step kids weren't really in our lives anymore. It's har…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 05:51 PM
7

"Look how much money I saved!" is a sentence I haven't heard in close to two years. Yes, its nice that each pair of jeans only cost a few dolla3s at the Goodwill. The fact that those jeans are going to sit on a giant pile of other jeans that only cost a few bucks adds up, espe ially when you save money at Target. I'm not exaggerating when I say I found close to 100 pairs of shoes in the basement. She got mad at me when I'd spend money on my rock collection but she had no problem blowing money on…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 09:18 AM
4

My ex loved to eat out at nice places. Actually, she was pretty fond of fast food on a pretty regular basis. I'm a ridiculously picky eater. I'd get a drink on most of our trips out to eat. That's it. I just went because she wanted to. Heaven forbid she go to a concert with me...... Now I go to the Waffle House every once in a while. I might stop and get some ice cream every week or two. There's a lot more money for music now.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 08:57 AM
15

That if another person doesn't want to go along with you on things that are important to you, doing more stuff for them won't make them want to do those things that you like.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 04:52 AM
3

Nurse here. I give my patients a lot of hydroxyzine. It's really just prescription strength benadryl. That and buspirone can go a long way in dealing with anxiety.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 06:54 PM
2

Extreme accountability is one thing and is good. You can't be 100% of the problems in the marriage as you were only 50% of the people involved. You can only be 100% accountable for 50% of the problems.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 06:47 PM
2

Don't try to walk it off or show how strong you are. That may work with sports when we're younger. This ain't football. This is worse than any physical pain you'll ever have. The fact that you recognize your own faults and are willing to work on them says a lot about the type of man that you are. I've heard that marriages are like moving a couch. It's easy if you've got two strong people but it's not going anywhere if you're the only one working.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 06:43 PM
8

There is a person out in this world that had you doing just about everything you could think of to give her the life that she wanted you even gave her 2 children. She decided it wasn't enough and that she didn't want that anymore so, not only did she decide that she doesn't want that anymore, she did everything she possibly could to leave you in as bad of shape as she could. Why would you ever want to share your life with this person? For that matter, have you changed into a different person sin…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 03:01 AM
1

Yep, The House That Heaven Built. "And when they tell you that they love you, and they will, tell them they'll all love in my shadow."
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 01:11 PM
3

Yeah, I got the "fear for her safety shit" towards the end too. A little over 10 years before all this started happening, she got cancer. I went to literally every single doctor appointment with her. She spent 2 or 3 weeks in the hospital and I spent every night up there but one. When the doctors said she was going to be having GI issues and probably more cancers for the rest of her life, I wanted her to have the best medical care possible. Most people would do some research for a few weeks and …
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 10:13 AM
2

Some 46 year old men are just as into video games as they were back then. If anything, they're into video games more now because they want the escape.1
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 07:51 AM
6

She's not yours to die for anymore so now you must live.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 07:28 AM
11

It just bothers me that she immediately ran to a 48 year old man the day after she said she wants a divorce. She had run to him a long time ago. The fact that she had already run to him so many times is the entire reason you're getting a divorce now. She texts back, says she's taking the kids to her parents, and will be back to talk. Of course she took them over there. She doesn't want them to know that she's been cheating on their dad. That would make her look bad.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/24 01:30 AM
1

I would think judges would be way more fair with you two than they would be with hetero divorce. Neither one of you is a woman so things aren't more geared to you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 10:34 PM
4

We would have hit 25 years a couple of weeks ago. We would have gone on vacation like we did every year and it would have been a big one this year. Instead, I was sitting at work picking up extra work because some of the people I work with were going on their own vacations. I have no clue where she is now or what she's doing. I doubt that she even remembered it. Oh well. What can I do?
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 09:00 PM
9

Why sneak around? Things are ending. You're living separate lives in different parts of the house. Just go do whatever you want. You're not going to get more divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 02:03 AM
1

Bring big up shit from years ago that I tried to deal with When things were falling apart with my ex, she brought up and wanted to fight about a comment I once made. We were taking the same class in our college days. For some reason that I'll never understand, I was freakishly good in this economics class that was known around campus for being so hard. Me ex would even make jokes about how easy it was for me. We got the test results back, and, like almost everyone in the class, she didn't do too…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 02:43 AM
1

Hey man, Batman is the villain in The Joker's story.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 02:24 AM
1

It’s like I want her input or a list so I can work in it. Ok. Just imagine she gives you this list. You do this work on yourself and fix everything she had on there. Then what? You're still going to be divorced. She's still going to have broken all this stuff. She has still had that emotional affair. She will still have trash talked you to her friends. It's not like you can unring those bells. On top of that, what has she done to work on herself? You said it was both of your faults. She isn't ou…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 02:23 AM
2

Does it bother me my wife of 10 years overnight started treating me worse than anyone else in the world? Sure, but nothing I can do about that, so I just have zero contact with her and let her live her fantasy life The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Her actions show that and so do yours. Stay strong, brother
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 02:14 AM
8

Just assume she's saying really horrible things and move on. If you're right and she is trashing everything about you, then you're losing people who would believe those things and you don't want people like that in your life anyway. If she isn't, then it's a pleasant surprise. Also, read the other posts on here. You'll read countless stories of women blaming their husbands for all kinds of stuff. It's like they are just totally incapable of accepting any responsibility at all. We're all the bad …
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 02:08 AM
2

$350 and I try to not think about how much I've spent.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 11:24 AM
13

You're divorcing the person you married. The person you married would be sickened by what this person has done. She's not one in a million, she's one of a million. And as multiple people have already said, nobody is coming to save you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 10:51 PM
1

2 mg Prazosin po hs x30 Ask your doctor for that exact prescription. Basically, 2 mg of a drug that makes bad/crazy dreams go away when you take by mouth (po) before bed (hs) for 30 days.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 04:54 AM
21

The woman I married would be disgusted with the woman that's divorcing me. I've always heard that you never divorce the person you married. I've never heard it put like that. I like your way better
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 11:42 PM
2

But all that stupid shit is what makes a house a home!!!! How else will you remember to live, laugh, and love when it's wine o'clock?
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 11:46 PM
24

You're being a little bitch amd I say that in the kindest and most loving way possible. Look man, I get it. I do. My wife cheated and all that other stuff. I was at the grocery earlier tonight and I saw they had this hummus that she loved in stock. When I saw that, I instinctively went to pick it up and then realized that I had no one to pick it up for. That made me head to the liquor section, which, as unhealthy as I know it is, is the reason why I'm so chatty right now. Anyways, what I was try…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 02:37 AM
2

Read my other reply in this thread. I love it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 11:08 PM
5

A judge told me I had to take the trash out and fix the house up and I'm perfectly fine with that. That was part of my plan! My ex was cheating. I found out. We split up. She left. I was still in the house. I did what I could to keep making the payments but physical and mental health issues kept me from being able to work and I missed a couple of payments. I got my shit together and got a new job. All the legal crap was working it's way through the legal system as slow as you all know. The divor…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 11:07 PM
2

Ugh, the only thing I get is senile old ladies.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:52 AM
3

I've heard the cheating thing before, and maybe it's just because my career has never been in a hospital (dialysis, home health, long-term care), but I've never really seen pretty much any cheating or hooking up at all while I was at work. While I'd never be an affair partner, I wouldn't be too upset about the hooking up part. I feel so left out!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:48 AM
4

It's disturbing how many nurses I know that stayed married through school and then divorced after graduation. I only know a few women whonever said, "Thanks so much for supporting me during that super stressful time period. Let me do something big for you to say thanks." That's not just the women who were in my class. That's also the women who I've worked with over the years.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:38 AM
5

She said she didn't feel safe because I was yelling about her having an emotional (and probably physical) affair with a guy she worked with. She didn't feel safe with ME. She had cancer years ago. I went to every single doctor appointment with her. She spent 2 or 3 weeks in the hospital during that time and there was 1 night that I didn't stay up there with her. It looked like she was going to have GI issues and probably other cancers for the rest of her life and I wanted her to always have good…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:29 AM
3

My ex was paranoid about letting me know where she moved. She said it was for her safety. First of all, she lost an incredibly loving husband who put up with her shit for 20+ years and never touched her. What more could I poss8bly do to her that would be worse than that? Second of all, I just Googmed her and got the address. I'm pretty sure she just didn't want me to know that she's living in a trailer park while I was able to buy her out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:21 AM
6

someone who is clearly cheating and trying very hard not to get caught Is she really trying that hard? She may not have turned the giant neon sign that says "I'm having an affair!!!" on yet, but she's definitely spent a lot of time building it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 10:57 PM
12

Dude, I didn't even finish reading all that you wrote. I didn't need to. Are you seriously asking this question?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 10:54 PM
2

Not really possible unless you've got way more knowledge than most people and it's pretty doubtful even then. If you've gotna shared account, you might try going to your carrier and see if you can get access to any of her call logs or text messages.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 04:09 AM
5

We're all the bad guy is someone's story. Even Superman was the bad guy in Lex Luthor's world.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/24 03:03 AM
5

It was a guy she worked with. I knew one or two times when she had talked to him. I dorn know for sure if it got physical bur I'm pretty sure it did. Even if it didn't, it was still emotional. She said she wasn't talking to him anymore. I was using her phone when she got a text from him about seeing her the next day.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 04:26 AM
16

I remember I had friends and family telling me to check her phone records since we were on a shared plan. I thought they were full of crap and actually went and got the records just to prove them wrong because there's no way she would do something like that. They were right. Even though I couldn't see text messages or even who called her, there were tons of calls from her to him. I was such a fucking idiot.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 11:05 PM
4

Damn. Were you hiding in my house taking notes as my marriage was imploding or something?
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 06:24 AM
7

It means you need to tell her to let all those guys have her and do what they want because you're done.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 06:23 AM
3

Exactly. Why should he trade a woman that he has intimacy issues with for another woman that he'll have intimacy issues with?
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 03:47 AM
1

You haven't upset me at all, my friend. While quick flings and one night stands aren't really my thing (totally cool if you or anyone else are into them, my brain just doesn't work like that even though your method definitely sounds way more fun), over a year after we split and a few months after everything was final, I definitely hit it off with another woman and that felt so great. She was the one that started talking to me. I still remember going out to dinner with a group of friends and both…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 02:53 PM
10

What are mistakes I should be careful not to make? Don't jump back into the dating pool right away. You've had a traumatic event. Heal from it and just worry about yourself for now. Also, be cautious of future dates. You were attracted to your ex for a reason. Things didn't work out between you two for a reason too. Don't date the same person in a different body. At the same time, don't fall for a new woman just because she's different from your exeither. What are the good aspects of life after …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 01:44 AM
6

I actually spent more money on crap back then because I knew that if I didn't, she would.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 12:03 AM
13

Buy good home theater gear. For some reason or another, we just never had the money for that. My living room sounds absolutely amazing now.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/24 12:00 AM
11

He was helping you even if you don't want to recognize it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 12:18 AM
3

As far as I know, she has not. I wish she would though. She's not part of my family anymore. She shouldn't be allowed to keep the name.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/24 12:04 AM
2

I'm no lawyer but I would guess that lifetime alimony is for either her lifetime or your lifetime.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 06:56 PM
5

Are you on the same account? Do you pay the bill? If so, just contact your carrier and tell them you want records. That's what I did. I learned way more than I expected to. If not, why would a judge grant that? Does proving it actually matter? Also, she could just as easily have a second phone that you don't know about.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 04:29 PM
3

Go ahead and think of all the guys she's seeing now. Do you really want to be with someone lime that?
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 06:00 AM
3

Better than 45 and 2 kids.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/24 03:39 AM
2

You don't have to understand it. You don't even have to accept it. It's going to happen whatever you do and whatever you think. Just like the death that's coming for all of us, it's coming for your marriage now. But that's OK. You've got faith in God so you know that what comes after death is something that he wants for you after death of your marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/24 06:13 AM
13

My ex said she was considering it years ago. Divorce was never even an option that I considered no matter how incredibly unhappy I was. I wish I would have told my ex to go ahead and leave at that point. Instead, she stuck around while I did all that I could to support her before she cheated on me years later after I'd wasted the prime of my life on her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 05:45 AM
2

Let her violate all the court orders that she wants. Just make sure you document every single time she does that. She's just giving you all the ammunition you need in court.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/24 09:06 PM
9

You didn't want this divorce. She did. She chose to not want your or your sympathies any more. I'm sure you gave her a lot of things when you two were together. Now she wants her independence and freedom to do whatever she wants. Let her have it. She doesn't want your concern any more so stop giving it to her. Take all that time, effort, and love that you had for her and use it on yourself. Build yourself back up the way you want. Make yourself into the type if man who can get the type if woman …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 04:12 AM
2

That sounds pretty rough. That's crazy how all the firms work together like that. I'd be trying to get out of that too. It's crazy how we just kind of fall into positions sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 01:54 AM
2

In that case, she needs to be doing every single thing she can do to make that up to you and I'd see if there is any possible way you could file charges.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:43 AM
1

She wants you to do that or is she saying she wants to do that but you want her in bed with you?
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:27 AM
1

She's making demands about you and your actions? Are you kicking kittens for sport? What the fuck is she demanding that you do?
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:19 AM
2

I wouldn't mind the weight. I'd fix the sex drive. The cash? It entirely depends on what she spent it on and the lifestyle you both were living at the time. If you've got Bill Gates money and she was living like a pauper while spending it on her parents' medical treatments while you just bought your fifth Bugatti, I wouldn't sweat it. If you've got McDonald's burger flipper money, she's living like she's Bill Gates, and blowing cash on stupid stuff while you're hungry every night, I'd be looking…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 12:16 AM
2

That really sucks. I'm sorry to hear that. I'm an RN with years of experience. All I have to do is tell one of the recruiters that call and email me all the time that I'll come work for them. I once quit a job, made a phone call on my way home, told them which job I wanted, and start4d on Monday
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 11:45 PM
3

Sounds like you both have a lot of work to do on yourselves. You sound like you both need to some work on yourselves. You just got divorced and, by your own admission, you're out seeing and sleeping with multiple women instead of focusing on you and your own issues that both caused and were caused by such major life event. Things like divorce are big deals. Instead of focusing on rebuilding yourself into someone better and focusing on your daughter,, you're trying to fill a hole that is left and…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:48 PM
3

I'm not sitting around and begging anyone for anything. There's no way I would ever take my ex back. I'm also not pursuing or dating anyone either because I'm working on myself and building myself into a better and stronger man. I'm not out trying to fill some hole in my life with a replacement woman.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:38 PM
5

Who says something is the least important thing in the world. What's said is what counts. Literally, the last post that I clicked on had people talking about how dumb it is when someone can't argue against the content, they try to dismiss it because of who said it. That's a great sign that the other person was totally right and you just don't want to admit it. Not only that but the person you're responding to wasn't even judging you. They were just stating a fact. If the facts hurt your feelings…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:33 PM
2

Nah. I'm actually a lot happier with this career than I was in my old one. While the pay mat not be as great, it is still good. It's also insanely easy to get a job in this field which is nice.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:27 PM
3

$90k or so.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 10:04 PM
2

Believe it or not. I actually took a pay cut to go into nursing. I was in IT back then. At one point, I was running the IT department at a technology company. There was another company that wanted me to come work for them and I can't even describe what that company did and what my job would be unless you already have a pretty solid knowledge base on the subject. There was another time that NBC (the TV network) kept trying to throw more and more money at me to come be one of their server experts.…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 08:35 PM
11

When my wife got cancer because of a genetic condition she inherited, she learned that it was going to be causing GI issues and other cancers for the rest of her life. I didn't divorce her.. I wanted her to have good medical care so I literally quit my career, went back to school, and became a nurse so I could make sure she had 24x7 healthcare. Then she cheated on me.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 08:19 PM
2

You want to know how dedicated I was to caring for her? Listen to this...... Her cancer was caused by a rare genetic condition that runs in her dad's side of the family. She's going to have intestinal problems and probably other cancers for the rest of her life. Even though I went to literally every single doctor appointment with her and spent every night but one up in the hospital with her when she was in there for weeks, I still didn't feel like I did enough. I also wanted her to have better c…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 07:53 AM
4

And now she wants to walk away. Let her. She can deal with her own problems. She's telling you that she doesn't want your help anymore. Listen to her. It's time to put your kids and yourself first because she never will. Also, I'm not one to go on the internet and tell people to get divorced over stupid shit. I'm almost always the one telling people to stay married and work on their shit like they promised. I will definitely tell men to listen to their wives when they say they are leaving. If sh…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 12:08 AM
1

You're very welcome, my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 12:06 AM
0

No way. Don't do that. Never do that. This woman has already proved that she won't go for 50-50. Go for 80-20 and let the cheating liar be happy when she gets 40. Always make your first offer unreasonable. At best, they'll say ok and you walk away in a great place. At worst, they fight and fight until they end up at 50-50 amd they feel like they really got a win. Make her be happy that she didn't lose.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:58 PM
4

I'll never understand why people try for amicable divorces. This person isn't the same person ypu married. They aren't going to be looking out for your best interests. You're on your own and need to watch your own back. It's even worse when people are getting divorced because their spouse lied and/or cheated on them. They lied and cheated while you were together. That's what they did when they were supposed to be in love with you. Why the hell would you think they'd suddenly become honest and tr…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 09:54 PM
6

After my ex left because she was cheating with another guy, she emailed me about how short of cash she was and how her life was going badly. That email actually really helped me move on. I spent over 20 years in the prime of my life doing everything that I possibly could for that woman and it wasn't enough so she chose some other man over me. She didn't worry about me when I was doing everything I could to put my life somewhat back together enough that I could be a functional human being. She di…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 08:56 PM
1

Sure. Ask "Hiw much TV did you watch?" Not "How much TV did your mom let you watch?" The first is about him, and the focus is solely what he did. The second is about what his mom did and what she let him do. The answers are the same but the focus is different. I'm sorry for any confusion.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 08:23 PM
8

Marriage isn't about being the anything and everything for the other person. That's impossible. It's about trying and sticking around even when things go wrong because you promised each other that you would.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 07:55 PM
3

Even if you weren't, you still tried. You put in the effort to do what you could. That's all anyone can ever ask of you. We all fall short at times. That's part of being human. We all deserve some understanding and forgiveness. Think of it this way, I'm sure your wife fell short of what you needed. I know she did because you talked about how she did. You never gave up on her. You never told her that you were a walk away husband. You stayed and tried to make things better like a spouse should. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 07:49 PM
1

My youngest kid is 20 and the older one is 24. They're old enough to meet their own needs. I'm not trying to be dismissive of your concerns because you do want to know that your kid is being taken care of. Just make the questions about him and to make sure that he's being taken care of. "What did you have to eat? Was it enough?" Those are different than asking him if she's feeding him. That makes the questions about her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 07:36 PM
3

Hey man, you've been giving it your all for years. A person only has so much that they can give. If it hasn't been enough for her by now, it never will be. Besides, anyone who has given as much as you have deserves to have someone who gives the same. You have your needs and desires too. There's nothing wrong with that. We all do. What has she done to meet yours?
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 07:32 PM
11

You did all that you could do for her and your family. You were too busy to wirk on all the emtiobal stuff. You've only got so much time and energy. What did she do for you? How did she try to make your life better? I get that you love your wife but marriage is a 2 way street. You've got your own needs and there's nothing wrong with that. Honestly, I've been in ypur shoes. My ex's dad got cancer and passed away from it. I was. Like crazy to support her and our 2 kids so she could deal with that …
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 06:31 PM
3

Just give her the facts about the kid only. Beyond that, it's none of her damn business.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 07:40 AM
3

I never ask my kids about my ex at all. I did some right when we separated because she was cheating but that's been a long time ago. He's talked about her a few times and I always tell him that I don't even want to know anything. I know where she's living, I've seen that she's still driving the same car, I know she was having a really hard time financially for a while there but I have no clue now, and I know she had to have surgery once. I'm pretty sure she's involved with someone by the way my …
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 07:39 AM
3

I'm 45. I've been separated for almost 2 years and divorced for almost 1. I have no clue how or where to meet women. I came into this post to see what other people are saying. There was one lady that was a friend of a friend that I thought was into me. I was wrong. She's not. She's got a few warning flags but no red ones.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 05:53 AM
2

I really wish I could do this. I wake up at 2pm to be at work at 3. By the time I'm out, they're closed and I'm sleepy.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 03:37 AM
4

I'd be willing to do it again but only in the absolute right circumstances and if there is an airtight prenuptial that spells out every possibility.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/24 12:20 AM
2

I'm thinking (hoping) that English isn't their native language and something got lost in translation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 12:49 PM
2

Dude, you came on here asking if you should do something. Various people, self included, said no. Then you totally ignored the people who don't think you're doing something good. I asked why you even came here if you're going to ignore the people who don't go along with your delusions of a potentially better life and you want to get an attitude with me about stuff? No wonder your wife doesn't want to do stuff with you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 10:12 PM
1

It's a men's thread, not a woman's.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 09:55 PM
1

Also, just for the record, yes, this guy sucks. No argument there. The majority of the men on here are telling him to not be that way so we don't deserve to be mixed in with him. Therefore, if you are going to mix the majority of us in this guy, then we can mix you in a group that does this undesirable thing much more often with a majority consent from other members of that group.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 09:46 PM
1

Then why are you asking us what to do?
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 09:39 PM
1

And the men on here are overwhelmingly telling him to stay and work it out. You brought up how groups of people behave. I followed your lead.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 09:37 PM
2

You're considering making a big giant change, tearing your family apart, spending a ton of money, only able to see your kid 50% of the time, and do it all on the chance that you'll find a thrird person to give you a chance. If you're motivated enough to do that, you can stay where you are and work to make things where you are good. Marriage isn't easy. It's not something you attain and then move on to other things. It requires time and work to maintain. Marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitm…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 09:08 PM
1

Yes, this guy deserves the same judgment as the women who do this much more often than men. That being said, however, look at the responses he's been getting. The vast majority of them are telling him to stay and work it out because that's part of marriage. Show me a thread on another sub where there are a majority of women telling a woman who is in the same situation to stay and work on things.
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 08:45 PM
2

Try to take an interest I'm what she likes. Tell her it's important for her to at least share in your activities. Find some new activities that you both can share in. Maybe that could be going to the gym to make you both more attractive. Like I said, you've already got something more than you'll likely ever have with anyone else. Work on making it better instead of working to find something new that you probably won't fi d elsewhere. Besides, if you're so set on leaving, why are you here? Marria…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 08:39 PM
9

You must have married this person for a reason. Work to rebuild that reason. Marriage isn't something you do and then forget about it. You both have to work to keep it good and you haven't said anything about what you've done to keep it good or what she's done. You promised to stay with this person for the rest of your life. Take all the work and money that you'd use to make new separate lives and use it to make the life you want with the person you've already got. The grass isn't greener on the…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/24 06:23 PM
2

Go in with what you want and what you can reasonably get in mind. If your ex has totally unrealistic demands, walk out. Mediation is great and can save money but only if it works. If it looks like there's no way your ex will agree to anything that is OK with you and nothing a judge would ever a tually order, don't waste your time or money with the mediator. Save it for court.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 02:30 AM
2

I used to carry a lot of guilt when I'd take a little bit of time to myself to enjoy my hobbies That part is so incredibly nice. Being free to do whatever you want with your hobbies is great. I collect rocks. I don't mean just a few neat looking ones either. Some of the pieces in my collection have come from doing deals with museums. I've loaned pieces out to museums for their displays because they don't have pieces as nice as mine. In my own home, however, they were stuck in boxes in the baseme…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:30 PM
4

My ex would lament the fact that she always did so much housework. If I did any of it, it was never done her right way. I'd tell her to show me how to do it correctly but she never would. Now that she's gone and I have to do everything, it's so easy!!! How did she think that basic housework was so bad?
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:21 PM
3

I love not having to be around or even knowing anything about her friends anymore. There was so much trash and drama with those people. My ex didn't like hanging out with my friends because they were successful in life and that made her uncomfortable even though they never did a thing to make her feel that way. She'd even say that they'd done nothing to her or put her down. She just had an inferiority complex. Her trashy friends would be openly bitchy to me even though I'd never been anything bu…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:13 PM
6

All of my money only goes to stuff that I want. No trips to Target or The Goodwill. No regular trips to nice restaurants. No paying for her friends to do stuff. No shoes that will pretty much never get worn. I like good electronics but could never afford the stuff that I wanted when she controlled the budget. She was always quite clear how we didn't need any of it. We didn't need the stuff she bought either but we had the money for that. Now that I'm divorced, my home theater system is even bett…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:02 PM
4

When you say everyone is doing well, do you mean in real life or on here? In real life, those people aren't going through your divorce. I doubt that they'd be doing any better if they were. If you mean people on here, that's only true because some people are further along in the process than you are. You'll get there too, it just takes time. As for whether the divorce is going better or worse than her other divorces (which should be a warning sign about her), who cares? You're not going to win a…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 10:51 PM
3

The experience sucks and nobody wants to be here. Even the men who have filed didn't want to be put in a place where they wanted to file. Who cares if she deeply regrets it or not. That's not your concern anymore. You just worry about you now because she definitely isn't going to.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 02:28 AM
1

We need to understand what caused this rupture. Not really. A glass that gets broken because the cat knocked it off the table is just as broken as one that got thrown. You're not going to go get a different broom to clean it up based on how it got there. Knowing how is nice but you need to be more concerned about how you're going to clean up this mess and make sure it's protected from everything so it doesn't happen with the next glass.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:50 PM
1

We're not bitter because we've gone through very similar things that OP is going through now. I see a lot of my self and my former marriage in him and his. I'm just trying to help him learn from my mistakes. I really wish someone that's had those experiences would've sat me down and shared what they went through and how they handled it. I'd be in a much better place if they had so I try to be that guy for others. A sign saying "Bridge Out Ahead" isn't bitter. It's a warning of things to come if …
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:45 PM
1

Friend, you can't be the only one working and investing in thus thing. I was listening to something about this last night. It has to be a team thing. Two people can move a couch real easy but you're not moving it anywhere doing it by yourself. What do you do? Exactly what that guy told you. Work with a lawyer and get all your stuff lined up should she decide to follow through. Hope for the best and plan for the worst.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:34 PM
1

Because marriage isn't about burning desire. That comes and goes with time. The whole point of getting married is so that you have someone who will support you and be there with you even through bad times and you being the something for them. This is the person you said you'd stay with through all thw bad stuff until one of you dies. We regularly trash women on this sub for having your attitude towards marriage. We can be an incredibly supportive group but we also hold each other accountable whe…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:28 PM
2

Don't talk to us about this. We're outsiders and don't know either one of your or what your marriage is like. You need to go talk to her. She's the only one that can tell you what's going on.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 09:23 PM
2

His kid is 20 and says they can't find work either.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 07:36 AM
3

First of all, your quality of life is going to go down. It sucks but that's where you're at. There 2 things you need to do - Cut your costs and increase your income. Look into legal aid. You've basically got no income so you'll probably qualify for reduced or even free services. You can't afford an apartment. Do you have any friends or family that will let you stay with them? Look into finding a room for rent somewhere. Get bunk beds if your adult son is going to come with you. I'd encourage him…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 07:31 AM
1

If you've got the cash, you definitely should. Lexuses last forever and there's a reason why they cost that much. Other than routine maintenance (and routine maintenance gone wrong), the only problem I've had is a bad fuel pump. Spend the cash and enjoy it. You won't regret it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 04:42 AM
1

GS430. It looks like an old person car but is ridiculously fun to drive. Cops see an older Lexus that's still in good shape and they think I'm driving to a farmers market. It's like thus thing is invisible to them which is good because of the way I drive.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/24 12:09 AM
3

Oh, I didn't make myself clear. I'm not saying to fight for more (although you should) for yourself. I get wanting to peace and to just move on. I'm saying that, regardless of how much you give, it will never be enough by her standards. What she wants and will fight for has nothing to do with fairness. If it did, you wouldn't be on here asking our opinions. The best strategy isn't to start with what you think is more than fair and then give her more and more. You want this over quick? Offer some…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 08:19 PM
3

Fair has nothing to do with settlements with your STBX.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 07:52 PM
1

Thank you so much for proving my point about people on the internet not having a clue what they're talking about when they try to diagnose someone!!! I was tired of trying to figure out what all is wrong me psychologically and went to a psychologist who does nothing but evaluate people with different things all day, every day. I'm on the autism spectrum and I'm depressed. I specifically asked about BPD and they laughed at me for it. All my issues are symptoms of those two things. The fact that y…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 05:31 PM
1

BPD as in Bordderline Personality Disorder? That's actually one thing I don't have. Depression and autism, sure. Also, the disease I was about was chronic renal failure.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 05:22 PM
7

I'm a nurse. I've seen so many little old ladies doing everything they can to take care of their husbands who have nothing to offer their wives at this point that I know there are long lasting and loving marriages out there. I also look at women like I do cars. I started driving in the mid-90s. My first car was a 4 cylinder Mustang from the 80s and then a Ford Tempo. There was also a Dodge Omni and a Saturn after those. If I based my opinions of cars on the first ones I had, I'd take a bus every…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 12:51 PM
2

First of all, don't feel too guilty. You're in a shitty situation. I think we've all done what we had to do to get through the rough times. I know I have. Things suck now but they do get better. Then they get bad and go back to better. The bad times come less and less and they don't stick around for as long. Getting a new job that lets you work a bunch is a good idea. That's definitely helped me a ton. I stay too busy to be sad and the extra money has been great too. Also, see if you have any lo…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 05:32 AM
6

You can be emotional. There's nothing wrong with that. Get mad. Use that anger as fuel to make your life better and into something you want it to be.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 02:34 AM
14

So you're willing to trade something perfectly decent because you think you're so wonderful and are going to find some young hot thing that's going to be your dream come true? Seriously man, work with what you've got. You told this woman you'd love her until you died. Don't be a piece of crap and turn into a liar who will lose half their stuff and rip your family apart for something they'll never get.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:15 AM
3

It does get easier with time. Also, why would you want to talk to someone who has treated the way she has?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:11 AM
10

It doesn't matter if she ever cared. Feelings are nice but they're expressed by actions. Her actions said she wants someone else. Let her have the guy that would sleep with a woman who is already married.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 01:08 AM
10

Our TV was messed up when she left so in an attempt to get her back, I went put and bought a new one. She never cared how nice any of our electronics were, she was happy with whatever filled that hole so I bought the cheapest TV I could find that was the same size. She never came back and I grew to hate that damn TV and viewed it as a symbol of how stupid I was. We were going to sell the house and split the proceeds which meant I was going to have to pay for movers, security deposits, and any ot…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:41 PM
17

Yeah, you're not even plan B with this woman. The two guys she already knew and brought around your kids were plans A and B. The 6 dating apps were C, D, E, F, G, and H. Congratulations, the first 8 options fell through and now you're plan I.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 06:24 PM
1

Winner winner chicken dinner my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 09:32 PM
3

Yet I can't upgrade her either. You can find someone who won't treat you the way your ex did and will appreciate you. That's an upgrade. She can definitely one-up your wife on the things that matter.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 08:45 PM
1

I swear, it's like shooting fish in a barrel with that lady. I can only imagine the life of that poor guy she claims to be with.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 08:13 PM
1

Then why are you here? This a group for men. Are you really that bad at basic reading skills?
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 06:10 PM
1

Thanks brother!
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 03:15 PM
2

Thanks for letting me know! I just called her out too.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 03:08 PM
1

So I'm guessing you're on here stalking the guy you're with because he's finally had enough of your antics?
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 03:06 PM
6

I'm almost 2 years past separation and almost a year for divorce. I'm about to buy her out of our house and she really needs the money so she blow it in an atte.ot to get of the mobile home she's been living in. I have no clue whatever happened with the guy she cheated on me with. I doubt it would be much because they met at the crappy part time temp job my ex was working and he lived with his parents despite being in his 40s. I'm pulling in around $100k a year now.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 03:26 AM
8

Neither. Hold the door open for her and wish her well with her work friend.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 01:10 AM
1

My monthly fees are the exact same as they've always been. I'm definitely building up savings as well. Also, while I may not be able to work forever, I actually really love my job and hope that I can do it until I die. If I'm not working, I sit around doing nothing. If I'm at work, I'm around other people and am much more active. I'm a nurse manager. I get to make the lives of my patients and my staff better. That's something I get great fulfillment from. That's the sort of thing people voluntee…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 04:16 PM
4

If she wants to get divorced but stay together then she should have no problem giving you a much larger chunk because you'll use it for expenses that would pop up as a married couple. Anything beyond that and you're getting olayed.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 05:17 AM
3

I have. I was having physical and mental issues when we split. I was working but not full time because of it. I was still bringing home the same as she was because my career is much more skilled. We split and I got my issues straightened out. I also got a new job. I'm pulling in around twice what our combined incomes were. No more constant trips to the Goodwill and Target. No more regular meals at nice restaurants. My finances are so much more ridiculously better that it's sad. I just dropped a …
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 04:15 AM
5

I once had a woman outright call me out on here. She thought she was being so clever. The more she talked, the more other men ripped her apart. I don't know if I've ever felt so supported.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 03:57 AM
7

Why would you ever want to he friends with the person who is putting you through so much hell? Who cares what she thinks. She lost that privilege when she filed for divorce. Stop worrying about her and her actions and you just focus on you and your healing and future without this person in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:30 PM
1

Don't worry about being amicable. You don't win prizes for Best Divorce 2024. She's not looking after your best interests so you need to. Let her worry about her own stuff. She wants to say no to everything, don't offer her anything. Stop wasting the money that you have and just go to court already.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:59 AM
1

Bring it up to him and let the pieces fall wherever they may. Even if things end with you 2 because of it, do you really want to come in second place to this guy's ex? That's not a relationship that I'd ever want to be in.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 05:07 AM
2

Median income for my city is low $30,000s. Median household income is a little under $70,000. I make close to $100k. My kids are grown so no child support. I wasn't making very much at all when we split so no alimony. I'm about to buy her out of her share of the house and my monthly payment will be around $1,300. I'm doing fine but I know my ex has been struggling since she moved out. Oh well. She chose to cheat. She chose to get a divorce. She doesn't want me in her life so I'm just honoring he…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 06:57 AM
1

We get portrayed as abusers and dangerous monsters, My ex went on about how scary I am. In over 20 years together, I never laid a finger on her. She had a genetic condition that caused a bunch of problems and I wanted her to have constant care whenever she got sick so I literally went to nursing school and got my license for the sole purpose of taking care of her. All that but I'm somehow scary.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:31 AM
2

23 years married here. Actually 24 by the time everything went through.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:13 AM
6

I don't try to reconcile anything. She's gone. She isn't going to get any more or less gone if I understand stuff. Why she did anything doesn't matter. She did it and it really fucking sucks. Stop looking backward and focus on ypur future. I know that's easier said than done and I still have problems with it but I try to not to. Keeping busy helps.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/24 01:10 AM
3

I'm fine with that. If a woman will only date a man because of what he has and what he does, then that's a woman I don't want to be involved with anyway. I haven't even really tried to meet anyone new, but once I do, im keeping all that information to myself. I've got a pretty decent house and car. I make enough money to put me in the top 10% - 15% of workers where I live at what most would consider a somewhat prestigious job. I'm planning on downplaying every single bit of it. I've heard alot o…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 02:53 AM
22

I had the exact opposite problem. She liked sex so much that she started having it with someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 10:49 PM
25

She wanted to end things. She went out and fucked 4 other men then realized that things weren't so great out there. She realized it 4 times. Now she wants her fallback dick. How long will it be until she finds a new man that she thinks is better than you and goes to him? Do you really want to be her consolation prize until then?
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/24 01:26 PM
3

I got a new job years ago. When I first started, I was terrible at it. I made all kinds of mistakes on a regular basis. The thing is, I learned from my mistakes. I knew from experience how to spot mistakes before they happened and I also got really good at fixing them. New people were coming to me for advice on how to do things because of my knowledge base. They could be having a weird problem that they couldn't fix or even identify but I could because I remembered what happened when I screwed u…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 04:21 PM
4

Get a lawyer. Have them look things over to make sure things are good for you. You've already said that things have happened financially and that's one of the reasons you're divorcing. If things were that bad in the marriage then they aren't going to get any better once you're divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/24 12:41 AM
1

Triggers can be something perfectly normal and even well meaning. Let her film you being a good guy and then her going off the deep end because of it. That's you giving her the rope and her hanging herself with it. Let her show that to anyone she wants. Not only that but if you make her upset about something you don't care about, she won't have the time to harass you about other stuff that does matter. Not only that but by knowing the codependent relationship dynamic that you had, you were able …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 08:41 PM
2

That's great if you just want to be reactive and play defense all the time. It's better to play offense. If your ex was a drunk, do something that will trigger whatever her diagnosis is the day before the hearing so she'll drink more that night and be hungover when she's in front of alisted. You don't have to hang anyone but you can give them the rope and let them do whatever they want with it. That's metaphorical, obviously not literal like the suicidal example you listed.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 07:52 PM
-1

Know what's causing a behavior can greatly help a person to deal with it. I'm not saying that you're going to fix anything. If anything, it's just the best way to get what you want out of someone. To beat your opponent, you first have to understand them. Yes, she's got a high conflict personality. Knowing what causes that conflict and what areas are likely to increase or decrease that conflict. She wants drama? Fine. Fight over something stupid that you don't care about and know will drive her c…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 07:14 PM
-1

Having an actual diagnosis can also dictate how people around her should respond. They can't treat her but they can develop effective behaviors to deal with her. Going back to my previous analogy of a person who is in a manic phase of bipolar disease or has their hair on fire, spraying them with a fire extinguisher will be a healthy response if their hair is on fire but won't do much for a manic person. Having an actual diagnosis is also a good way to predict future actions. If they have mental …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 06:21 PM
4

And I've seen people incorrectly diagnose their former spouse as having any number of mental diseases. Even if someone is showing signs of a disorder, that doesn't mean they have it. As another example, people love to throw around the word narcissist. We all have narcissistic tendencies. There isn't a single person who doesn't have at least a few. I'm not even saying that's a bad thing. Someone has to have multiple symptoms for a trained individual to identify them as a narcissist and that's onl…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 03:17 PM
1

No, it isn't. I was using that as an example of how easy it is to misdiagnose mental illnesses when you don't have the proper training. Want BPD? Mood swings: Episodes that can last from hours to days, and include feelings of irritability, anxiety, shame, or happiness Anger: Inappropriate or intense anger, such as sarcasm, bitterness, or physical fighting Self-harm: Cutting, hair pulling, burning, or other self-destructive behaviors Suicidal thoughts: Threats or attempts, often in response to fe…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 03:02 PM
-1

No offense but you aren't a mental health professional. Someone meeting the criteria for one thing doesn't mean they have it. Decreased need for sleep Increased or faster speech Racing thoughts or quickly changing ideas Distractibility Increased activity Increased risky or impulsive behavior Those are the criteria for someone who is in the manic phase of bipolar disorder. Pretty cut and dry way to diagnose someone, right? Unfortunately, those are also the same signs and symptoms of someone who's…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/24 02:36 PM
7

So stop being the hero and focus on your kids. You aren't going to win a medal for being the best ex-husband. If she wants to fall apart then let her. If you've got both of your kids then just turn your phone off because she's not going to call you about anything important to you. Once someone becomes your ex, they stop being your problem. They aren't looking out for your best interests so you need to.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 11:20 PM
2

God's cool with people divorcing for infidelity. Read Matthew 5:32 and 19:9. Just because you fucked up the finances doesn't mean she gets to fuck multiple other men. Not only that but if you're running so low on cash then you should look at your expenses. Wine, weed, and benzos aren't cheap. Keeping the kids around someone who has that many addictions is not stable. Showing them that there are consequences for such behavior is stable.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 11:13 PM
2

You're going to be in conflict during divorce. If you got all along so great then you wouldn't be getting divorced. You need a lawyer yesterday. She's already got one so she has someone who knows the law looking after your best interests, not yours. You need someone who looks after your best interests. As for leaving the home, don't do it. Get your lawyer and let her take you to court. That house is as much hers as it yours and I've never read a single story that had a good outcome for the man i…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 11:02 PM
5

You should always talk to a lawyer. Your ex is not looking out for your best interests. You need someone who is. You don't know the legal system so hire an expert who does.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 10:55 PM
10

Fair doesn't matter and never will.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 10:04 PM
3

It doesn't matter what you did, cheating sucks and so do the people who do it. It doesn't matter if she is up shit creek at this point. Let the guy that she was cheating on you with deal with her. No, you shouldn't have yelled so much. No argument there at all. From what you said, however, you had every right to be angry. There's nothing wrong with being angry. It's a normal reaction to a shitty situation. It's a sign that things need to change. When I was in school, there was this kid that mess…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 07:44 PM
5

He knows she's a cheater. She just doesn't want to remind him of it. She's already blown one marriage because of it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/24 03:09 AM
1

Glad to help brother.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 09:55 PM
7

I'd always made pretty good money but had some mental and physical issues for a while when my wife started cheating and we got divorced. I'd barely been able to work for a while so we were both making a really low amount. She didnt even trybfor alimony because she was afraid shed have to pay me. After the divorce went through and she couldn't ask for alimony, I got all my issues taken care of and then went and got a new job that's way better. I'm on track to make about twice what we made combine…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 06:41 PM
2

I went the exact opposite direction. Lying to me so you can sneak around with a other guy behind my back? I don't think so! She kept doing it and I tried to make it work for a while but she said no. That was the last straw that finally broke me and turned me into a man who isn't going to take her shit anymore. Any time she's tried to get me to do anything I actually have a spine now so I tell her no. There's no way I could have been that much of a man back then.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 06:36 PM
2

The biggest reason nothing will happen is I just don't feel anything like that at all. She's a great friend but she can be a bit of a train wreck and I'm not looking for anything like that at all. Now if she has some friends.....
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 06:25 PM
5

Local divorce support group. I'm not even that upset about my divorce anymore. I didn't really have any friends after the diovrce.. I made friends there so I just go to see them. Same thing goes for this group. I got a new job that lets me work a bunch of overtime. That may not be so great for most people but I actually really love what I do. Most people look forward to being able to retire. I hope I can work until I die and I'd still keep going in if I won the lottery. All that overtime helps w…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 03:18 PM
1

My ex is having problems getting furniture for her mobile home while I'm in the house we lived in together. She chose to never work a job that paid well because she doesn't like stress. She chose to rack up thousands of dollars in credit card debt without saying a word to me about how bad off we were. She chose to start cheating with a guy at work who was just as big of a loser as her. She chose to get a divorce. She was the one that made numerous other very poor choices with various family memb…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 05:28 AM
12

What made you think that you aren’t OK just the way you are? Things were bad. Like an idiot, I thought it couldn't have possibly been her because she's so great. That means it must be me. Besides, I'm the man. Men fix things. That's what we do. I just couldn't figure out what I needed to do to fix things and that made me sad. Basically, I do x amount of stuff because of how great she is and I want her to be happy. She does quite a bit less than x which means I must not be so great. I want to be …
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 04:33 AM
1

You're not going to win an award for best divorce. Cut the cord and move on already.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 01:36 AM
1

I wouldn't try to crush her. That takes effort. Just cut her off and move on. You'll have more free time that way and people like that tend to self destruct on without any outside influence.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 01:24 AM
2

My dude, you have wasted so much time and money on this woman that it's insane. Stop supporting her and support yourself because she definitely isn't going to. I don't even know where to begin on your post. It's one giant red flag after another. Think of one of your friends. Go back and reread your post and imagine a friend was telling you what you wrote. What would you tell him? Yes, you may have snapped and gone off on her. That sucks and ypu shouldn't have done it. I did something like that t…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 11:17 PM
6

Do you really think she's going to stay this way or will she go back to wanting to split once she gets her confidence back? Do you really want to stay with someone who has repeatedly said she doesn't want to stay with you? Will you be able to put that out of your head and not think about whether she'll just change her mind again years later? These aren't rhetorical questions. These are questions I'd be asking myself if I were in ypur shoes. I'm not expecting a response myself but just think abou…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 10:41 PM
9

Think of it this way, this guy is now stuck with a woman who has already left one loving husband and already moved on to a new man so quickly. Seriously, why would anyone want to jump into that basket of heartlessness? Don't envy the guy. Feel sorry for him because he's now stuck with your ex. Be thankful that you've gotten away from all that craziness and are free to do whatever you want. That also includes the chance to go find a better woman who will treat you the way you deserve.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/24 08:32 PM
15

Say whatever bad things about the guy you're with now but does he know that you're using him to numb the pain of your ex and that you'll never love him like you did your ex? Even if he is such a horrible person, he doesn't need to have his feelings played with like this. How would you feel if someone did something like this to you? I don't even care about what you did in the past. That's in the past and can't be changed. What you're doing now sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 12:35 PM
7

Yeah, nothing says I love you and miss you so much like sleeping with a bunch of other people. Is she expecting pity for that?
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 12:29 PM
3

It doesn't matter what she thinks anymore. You're not going to be any more or less divorced if she feels one way or another. Your days of worrying about her thoughts and feelings are gone. If she cared half as much about you as you did her then you wouldn't be where you are now. Take all those thoughts and worries about her put them into yourself. She's not going to.......
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 08:02 AM
11

You're a lucky man if you can separate the good times from the bad. I don't know if I'll be that lucky. I think I'm more like your wife. Ever drop a few drops of food coloring in a bucket of water? It doesn't just stay in that one place. It spreads out and colors all the water in the entire bucket. Her cheating and, the fighting at the end, and all the aftermath that she left me with is like dropping an entire bottle of food coloring in the bucket. Every single memory that I have of her is taint…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 06:58 AM
1

Oh, you deleted your comment saying my username checks out instead of actually trying to come up with a decent response. That's OK. I still saw it and tried to respond with the following. Yep. That's the sign of knowing your message is so strong. Dismiss the person who is saying it as lesser than yourself so they obviously couldn't possibly have a point that contradicts your own. It doesn't matter where something comes from or who says it. The only thing that actually does matter is whether it's…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 05:23 AM
6

So don't ask her any questions like that. Everyone has opinions on everything and it's nobody's business but their own. Go make yourself into the man who can get a decent woman instead of that train wreck you were married to.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 04:04 AM
1

If knowing what's going on in an area is all it takes to be an expert on a subject then I don't have time to read and watch all that because I'm going to be too busy playing in the NFL because I know all about what's happening with that. Reading some stuff and watching videoa doesn't mean you know what you're talking about. In addition to football, I've also watched a ton of kung fu movies but that doesn't mean I can take on Daniel LaRusso. You're not in the world of psychotherapy either so stop…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 09:55 PM
4

Why someone does something is one of the most pointless questions you can ask. If you drop a glass and it shatters, finding out why you dropped it isn't going to put it back together. She shattered your marriage and you. Just like a glass, pick up the pieces and move on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 02:31 PM
1

I don't directly work in the mental health field but I do deal with caring for mentally ill people. One thing I learned really early is that the real world that everyone else lives in has nothing to do with them. They live in their own world and you're just visiting. Once I had that figured out, I saw that it's not even mentally ill people who do that. We all do. Once someone's world changes, there's no guarantee that we'll still be welcome in it. Reality that everyone else can see doesn't matte…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 10:01 PM
1

Everybody deserves a partner who works just as hard to make things work and provide a better life for them. You don't need to worry about how much more you could have done to make things work. You did way more than she did. She's the one that fell short, not you. Don't ever feel bad for not having your very realistic and reasonable needs met.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 09:51 PM
1

Hey brother, you did all you do. Even if it wasn't enough for her, there's one thing you've got to look at. You gave up so much for her and worked so hard to make things work and that's great, but if you think about it, what did she do for you? How much work did she put in? If you did all the stuff you said, then you sound like a good man. A good man deserves a good woman who will work just as hard to make your life better as you will for her. You didn't fall short in that relationship. She fell…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 09:47 PM
2

8 years ago? When I was fighting with my ex at the end, she brought up some dumb joke that she took out of context and I didn't even mean from 24 years before that.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 09:17 PM
2

Even if you don't feel like it, just do something, anything really, to get out of your house and stay busy. Also, talk to your doctor about getting on an antidepressant medication. There's nothing wrong with that either. Your brain is wither making too much or too little of certain chemicals. The medications help regulate that. You don't look down on a tyoe 1 diabetic because their immune system killed the cells that make insulin which makes them have to take medicine to replace it. Nobody shoul…
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 08:48 PM
2

Makes me wonder how many other lies she told me over the 10 years I knew her. I just assume it was all lies.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 02:10 AM
1

It won't matter. Knowing whether she did or didn't won't change anything for you. You're still getting divorced after she trashed everything. You're not going to wake up more or less alone if you know. While.you do have to interact with her for your kid, that woman and her life aren't your concern from here on out and that includes what she did or didn't do in the past.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 02:04 AM
1

Ok, I'll try to say this even clearer. You have to take a math test. You get a cookie if you get the right answer. There are plenty of cookies for everyone but the teacher is just fine keeping them all for herself. Two kids take the same test and have the following results. 2 + 2 = 5 2 + 2 = -4826275871647 Yes, one of those is much worse than the other. No argument there. One is so obviously wrong that it's not even funny. The second kid is so dumb that you wonder how they aren't dead. It doesn'…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 11:48 PM
1

Also, think of it as credit card debt. My ex has tons of it because she was constantly spending cash on dumb stuff. Now that I'm divorced, I'm don't want to rack up any debt at all. I'm working to build my savings account. I'm not worrying about what interest rates are because I'm not dealing with that. Debt, regardless of how much of it there is or who has more of it, sucks. I'm packing my lunch to work every day and not going to Subway so I can keep that $10. Doing less of something is still d…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 11:11 PM
0

It's much more wrong than the wrong you fight, but you put your energy towards something you profess you don't even know the full story. Why is that? Because it's still wrong and that's the issue that we are talking about right now. We aren't talking about what women may or may not do and it doesn't even matter. I couldn't care less what my ex is doing right now. I care about what I'm doing. I want to be good, not less bad than someone else. I want the same thing for the other men on here. If so…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 10:49 PM
2

I stay too busy to worry about dating. I work a ton of hours (which also helps with all the debt that I'm left with) and am focused on turning myself into the type of man who can pull the type of women I want.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 09:23 PM
1

You're welcome brother.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 05:13 PM
14

It feels like the worst day of your life because it is. You're going to have a bunch of those in the near future. Stay strong. Focus on your kids and yourself. Take all the energy and work you put into your relationship with your ex (just because you aren't divorced yet doesn't mean you're together anymore, words matter so start using the right ones) and put it into rebuilding yourself and your life. Don't ever feel guilty or bad for her either. She chose this path. She's not yours to worry abou…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 07:34 AM
1

that's a true narcissist. No, it's not. A true narcissist is someone who scores high enough on a test administered by a trained professional. Even then, you need a skilled professional to do it because they are trained to not only diagnose people, but to also rule out other disorders. Someone may do all those things you mentioned and fit the definition on paper but if they have another disorder going on that makes them think they're the King Of America then the narcissistic behaviors are seconda…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 11:04 PM
0

I don't have a Facebook or Instagram account so I have no idea what it's like on there. I don't go on subs for women or even any other relationship subs other than this one. Going by what I've seen on here, we are bad about it. Pointing at another group and saying they're bad or worse about something does mean we're right when we do it. We know how much it sucks when it's done to us so we need to be better people than the others who are doing whatever action. It's hard to have the moral high gro…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 10:49 PM
2

Everybody has narcissistic tendencies. Some people have more than others. Just because someone have some doesn't mean they are actually a narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 08:24 AM
3

Have you read posts on this sub? We throw it around about our exes just as much as women do.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 08:15 AM
2

Anyway, of course some hobby psychologist on reddit immediately told me "you're a narcissist". Right ... Easiest label to just throw at people and don't have to think too hard. Not only that but everybody has narcissistic tendencies. There's not a person dead or alive who didn't have a few. That doesn't make you a narcissist.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 08:14 AM
0

The need for diagnosis before you can say someone has narcissistic tendencies and the fact that you can be a victim of the kinds of behaviors attached to that, is long gone. No it's not. Everyone has narcissistic tendencies. Everyone. Just because a person displays some of those tendencies does not mean they have narcissistic personality disorder. People don't say that someone has narcissistic tendencies. They just say they're narcissists. There's a big giant difference there. I'm pretty sure th…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 08:09 AM
1

In that case, I think you may actually be the second person on here who actually has a diagnosis.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 05:26 AM
1

You're welcome. It's rare to see that in people so it's especially commendable when it is.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 04:48 AM
1

Even if they actually are overrepresented in the divorced population, there is no way they make up the huge proportions that people on here claim they do. Go through the posts on this or any other divorce sub and the vast majority of them will have people talking about how their ex is a narcissist. That term has been so bastardized that it's virtually useless anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 04:47 AM
1

BPD is a fairly rare disorder that affects approximately 1.6% of the population in America. Let's say that for every person who is diagnosed, there are 2 more that aren't. That seems more than generous and it's still less than 5%. Even with such a low number, there is still a huge chunk of people on here that have diagnosed their significant other with the disorder. Even then, they aren't trained on psychological diagnosis. Diagnosing someone with anything isn't just checking off the boxes on a …
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 04:36 AM
-1

Narcissists tend to like pizza too. What's your point?
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 02:43 AM
3

Where did she get the diagnosis?
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 02:42 AM
2

You are one of the most honest and realistic people I've ever read.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 02:41 AM
3

Because very few people on here actually work in the psychiatric field or are trained in diagnosing people with any sort of disorder at all. Just because someone you ticks a few boxes on a checklist doesn't mean they have whatever disorder they're reading about. Even if someone does a few traits of whatever mental illness, that doesn't mean they actually have it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 02:40 AM
1

I also think that she has BPD and is a narc Just out of curiosity, what kind of training and education have you had in the field?
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 08:46 PM
1

And it's reasons like this that you shouldn't be coming to the internet for answers. Lots of people read up on subjects and can tell what they've read and even explain things in a way that makes sense to other people who don't know the subject. Unfortunately, those people are often very very wrong and the people who actually work in the field are equally amazed and worried when people know so little about the actual subject.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 08:44 PM
1

.I wouldn't even go to that sub. There are lots of untrained "experts" in any sub that have no clue what they're talking about. Other idiots who think they know stuff will even chime in about how right they are. I'm a nurse who went to school for years to learn my trade. I worked in one field for years and years. I cared for hundreds of patients with the same problems. During that time, I watched patients live with the disease and I watched them die from it. You pickup on certain patterns of wha…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 08:31 PM
0

When you say suspected BPD, is that something you came up with or something a mental health professional told you? If it's the former, what training in mental health diagnosis have you had? While I'm not directly in the mental health field, I have to deal with numerous people that are mentally unwell every day in my job as a nurse. What you described sounds like it could be any number of disorders that can't be narrowed down by someone who hasn't had the years of education and training to deal w…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 08:20 PM
2

How many of those people know someone who has actually gotten a diagnosis from a mental healthcare provider and how many have read some stuff online and dis the diagnosis on their own? I'm going to guess that there are a lot more of the former than the latter. Even if you do have so e of the same experiences, diagnosing someone yourself or based on what other people who haven't been properly trained on these things. Just because a person is showing all the signs of one thing, that doesn't mean t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 08:14 PM
1

People on the internet aren't going to be able to diagnose anyone with anything. There are lots of people who have spent a few hours or so reading up on stuff and think they're experts on the subject now. They aren't. The actual experts who do that sort of thing for a living will tell you that there's no way for them to do that by just reading a few paragraphs that somebody wrote on the internet. If anything, the diagnosis that most people come up with isn't even close to being right. Yes, you m…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 08:09 PM
2

I go to work. Seriously, I got a new job that pays more and let's me get tons of overtime. I'm digging out of the financial hole she left me in and staying busy. It helps that I actually really like what I do.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 04:02 AM
2

Because she is ungrateful and had bad taste.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 03:36 AM
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