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survivingtheyellowbr Archive

View 3 posts and 194 comments by survivingtheyellowbr on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Mediation only works if she wants to resolve it..quickly ..otherswise it’s going to go back and forth thru the lawyers. Have your lawyers there during mediation is my recommendation
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 02:32 PM
1

It all ends either by death or by divorce,,nothing last forever and some people are just here for chapter in your story.!
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 06:13 AM
1

In North America..the home is martial property,,its usually sold and proceeds are split between the both of you since the other spouse must get her portion. Doesnt matter who paid for what, who's name in the mortgage load, title , does not matter, Also she sounds like a narcissist - cut all communication with her and stop talking with her, all I read in your post is what she wants to do and what shes telling you need to do.. Cut this and stand on your ground , tell her no and cut communications,…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 05:55 AM
2

lol sounds like your still in "husband" mode There is no more of that , let her go find another guy to do that , she is not your problem anymore
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 05:49 AM
1

Why do you care what "she wants" Go use your hand or hire someone, never go back and satisfy the person you are no longer married to. Hell no !
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 05:47 AM
2

If mom and wife don't get along - it will never work. You either loose your wife or your mom. If your wife makes you have to choose between her or your mom - shes not the one for you. If you have a great realtionship with your mother and she challenges that - she not the one for you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 05:40 AM
1

You will get the strength to leave once you accept that you deserve better ! Until then you will repeat the cycle. Your relationships sounds toxic, you need space first and foremost - change your environment and get away from her. Then you can regroup your thoughts and move from there. You can do anything logical in that environment.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 05:37 AM
2

"If your chase, that means she is running away" dont beg no one to come back to you. Take some time to find your self, take some time to sort out your wants and needs. Dont beg people for anything !
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 05:33 AM
5

I am confused so, its your family home, your getting a divorce and your going to leave your ex wife in the home thats given to you buy your grandmother because it has a playground for your kid ? . So what are you suppose to do ? Go find a rental property , pay support while she lives rent free. Sorry I would not do that..stay in the house, kids can visit you, she can find her own place and visit you Or - go live in the basement in meantime and find a place to stay. When you go to court and you h…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 05:30 AM
2

You don’t rebuild them .. u replace them I cover this topic in my new book Loss of identity is a major mis understood issue for post divorce recovery.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/26 03:23 AM
3

Yes women will scorch the earth once they think “she” caused it or “she” is telling you what to do. If you’re going thru a divorce- keep your image as single. Once it’s done, plaster your new hot younger girlfriend on your social media feed ..lol
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 02:48 PM
1

Why is there a hard or set rule for this ? 6months , 3 months..time stamps don’t mean anything. Meet his kids in a casual setting , planning this and preparing for it is too much anxiety for the both of you. Let it naturally happen, let it just flow out. When the time comes and the scenario arises you meet them. If you’re going to be introduced with labels (step mom) it’s problematic. Just be introduced as there dads friend, then let them naturally make there conclusion. Also, As long as he is o…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 02:41 PM
3

Spent 80k on mine 10k retainer each time Once they see you have equity in the house there going to drain it - head straight to mediation or the judge
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 03:12 AM
2

No - she’s not ur mother - that’s ur kids job
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 05:17 AM
3

Few points You’re not financially responsible for her debts, just because she mentioned it to you - does it means you have to fix it - you are replaying your husband role - stop it. If she has ambition and goals she’s gonna have debt, don’t be a sugar daddy but extend your hand and add some fun to her life - so she gets to experience things - don’t just pay off her bills - again stop trying be a husband to her. You are replaying the role you had when u had a wife. Shes not your wife. You are no …
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 05:43 PM
1

Walk away..your kids will survive you wont
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 01:14 AM
1

My therapy was travel , better results in my opinion. Self reflection and accountability is what you get when you travel.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 01:04 PM
1

You lose your identities - you must learn to let them go and find new ones !
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 04:48 AM
6

Because men are taught to toughen up !! No one comes to save a men. We have to support ourselves unfortunately.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 04:46 AM
1

Well said and truth is told !! Yes we all want confirmation but you need to step back and say if I need to wonder and question then the trust is gone . Walk away from her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 02:44 PM
-2

Here.. “I'm still struggling emotionally, grieving the future that I dreamed about. Not to excuse my own part in it, but I'm coming to realize how emotionally immature she was and how she was becoming harder and harder to make happy.” You are trying to manage your ex wife’s relationship with your daughter, unfortunately you can’t. You must just focus on how your own relationship is with her and let your daughter see the difference and decide on her own.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 10:25 PM
5

Yes.. Steer the ship in the middle of pacific at night in a hurricane with no instruments while you’re taking on water. While the crew just stands and watch because they don’t know how or can’t help. I had to manage lawyers, motions, work meetings, travelling to see work clients , being there for my kids, keep things stable, pay legal fees, support payments, existing mortgage , bills and still maintain my emotions. All while dealing with her affairs of 7yrs. I commend any guy who has endured thi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 09:55 PM
-3

Seems like you’re more concerned about her dating someone else to be honest. Immature and lack of accountability or care, that’s what most of faced during our divorce. Yeah it sucks But Why are still trying to make her happy? You mentioned this in your post and I’m confused.. She’s checked off the relationship. Your daughter is 15 and sees her mom going with a new guy. She’s obviously going to know about it. Whats appropriate and inappropriate is relative based on opinions. The bigger question i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 09:39 PM
1

Your enough may not be his enough.. If he has been thru a bad relationship previously he won’t just open up. You should just ask him Communication is the key to any kind of “ship”
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 07:18 PM
1

They haven’t healed..just have fun with the situationship. They will open up once the person you are with makes you feel safe.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 07:13 PM
5

She can’t do that.. File a motion and recoup half of the house expenses from her now. The martial home is a split expense. If she does not agree to pay half of the house expense now, then you Sell the house and have your lawyer request recouping the funds from the house sale - which you PAID out of pocket (ie the full mortgage and other bills) - from what she would get from the sale. Bottom line sell the house , stop drowning yourself
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 04:46 PM
8

Dude you’re making this more complicated than it has to be.. Why are you still friends on social media ? Your not friends anymore your divorced Amicable or not , she’s old news and past life There’s nothing wrong with keeping things cordial when and if you see them in person , but keeping your communication lines open is problem your setting up for yourself. Your not her husband anymore Block her it’s that simple.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 03:58 PM
2

Travel my friend…sitting at home with your thoughts is going to do you no good. Go see family , friends , a tree Get out of your environment
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 05:59 PM
3

You did what most guys forget to do..walk away and start your new life..
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 03:40 PM
4

I spoke about this ..and went thru this Guys waste money on legal fees fighting over tools and toaster ovens. Lawyers sit back and bill you $300 per hour to watch you squabble back and forth for things on a list so they can rack up more billing hours. Totally waste of fucking money. All to prove a point to a women and a life your leaving. Lemme guess ,you’re going to get all your stuff back and put them in storage just to prove a point. You can buy a brand new couch for $500 But you rack up lega…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 03:33 PM
3

There best interest is there to make partner at the firm or pay for there upcoming vacation. Of course there friends, of course they work together to drive up billing hours. That’s there bread and butter.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 12:52 AM
9

Why ? Trust is broken Family structure is fragmented Move on with your life, she is just a chapter in your story, not the whole book.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 10:04 PM
1

I’m gonna start one - First one is tommorrow Feb 13 at 3pm EST. If your interested DM me
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 09:19 PM
1

Travel , travel , travel man I’m writing about this in my book. “How traveling saved my life” post divorce
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 05:00 PM
2

Why do so many guys run out to form a new relationship after there divorce ? You don’t have to do that ,you must learn that being intimate and having connections doesn’t require a long term relationship. Just go out and have fun while you’re healing. Don’t let the women your seeing and hanging out with define what your “relationship” is with them, you define it , it’s your game not there’s, if they don’t want to participate then that’s fine. Just go out and enjoy yourself , focus on your plans a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 03:25 PM
3

File for it - open a bank account for your child and put the money in there. If you get sick or cannot earn an income anymore who or what’s going to take care of your child. Think about your child’s long term future. Most of us are paying CS into a black hole. We don’t see where it’s going and there is zero accountability for how it’s used. Count your blessings your not the one paying to her. It’s for your child - do it !
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 03:09 PM
3

This is a perfect story - every guy who has been in along relationship should have a hookup story. To be honest - don’t look for a relationship right after, don’t expect anything, just enjoy the moment. Enjoy the connections. It reminds you that you got it !! That’s the lesson in those one nights and situationships.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 03:39 PM
13

Financial audit - stop begging for answers from her. This is can be requested in any divorce.. 2 to 4 years of all her transactions.All accounts File a motion and request it ! Then state - she was maliciously trying to hide martial assets to avoid a fair equalization.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 06:12 PM
3

I just wrote about this - Role identification is a huge challenge when going thru a divorce. You need to let go of that husband role. That role is no longer required, Once you do that - you will be fine Let that role go !!
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 03:00 PM
1

Count your blessings- sounds like she’s also agreed that it’s no working . Part ways amicably and get it done soon. Then go live your best life.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 05:47 AM
6

They lose it because they lose there roles as a man… The spouse The lover The partner These are all gone.. You must create new roles and let go of the others..
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 12:01 AM
1

Take the time to process it…it’s going to be hard at first.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 11:57 PM
3

The enjoyment of peace !
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 05:39 PM
2

What you put in to the business is irrelevant- you agreed to it and willing gave it. Unless you can prove she did it without your approval- Then it is a moot point. What ever this business is worth you are entitled to 50% of her portion. It’s simple as that. Your task at hand is finding out how much it’s worth.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 03:00 PM
3

If everything is “scary and confusing “ your not ready. Everyone’s readiness differs and everyone’s definition of dating defers. For now just go out and enjoy yourself You don’t need a label
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 12:13 AM
3

Congrats sounds like you pulled it all together
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 05:50 AM
1

Keep us posted
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 05:48 AM
2

Processing time is key..
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 05:44 AM
3

Sounds like you came back up ⬆️
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:28 AM
2

Phuket or Pattaya ? I Love Thailand 🇹🇭
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:28 AM
3

Bitter Sweet Sympathy
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:18 AM
3

You’re in love with her potential not with who she is now. People don’t change , you have to accept that and make the choices that make you happy. If she loved you and wanted to be with you, women will do whatever it takes to show you that l. That’s not happening. You need to accept that it’s not working and that’s ok or you just going to be going in circles.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:15 AM
1

The recipe lol
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:09 AM
1

Get a Vasectomy and you’re golden !
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:05 AM
3

Congrats- happy for you !
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:04 AM
1

I’m sure inside - your soul smiled a sigh of relief:)
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 01:00 AM
3

Agreed..You can put a price on feeling at peace . I hear ya !
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 12:56 AM
3

No man it’s not guilt , it’s finally treating yourself , do more of that
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 12:54 AM
1

Nice man..a diver ..o man go to Belize , world renowned coral reef they have the deep blue hole. Excellent diving spot. It’s a real Gem and a very local feel.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 12:53 AM
1

Love PDC, stayed at The Carmen Hotel..
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 09:38 PM
2

Yes..mostly alone 29 countries so far...just got back from Egypt, saw the pyramids - Yes Amazing All-inclusive are nice, I have stayed at a few when I just wanted to get some sun and relax, but I do Air Bnb mostly. Rather the freedom of eating when I want and doing what I want. There is healing in travel, and I think this doesn't get the credit its deserved. Even if its just a road trip you should take it and get outside. Getting out the Environment does so much for your perspective, I have trav…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 09:33 PM
7

You’re living the dream man. I started getting tats everyplace I travelled to.. I’m like a walking world map.. My girlfriend’s got a girlfriend..I know that vibe You are shinning my guy..!!
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 07:43 PM
2

Yes trips is so important..I think that doesn’t get enough credit to help with the healing.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 07:41 PM
3

Can’t beat a night out with the boys, funny those are joys we forget , keep doing that !!
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 07:18 PM
2

The Coupe I assume..kids must have loved it !
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 07:14 PM
2

Nice - Yes some nice ocean breeze and sand would be good for the soul. Try Belize ..it’s beautiful there
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 06:57 PM
2

That sounds amazing, thanks for sharing , traveling does wonders
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 06:56 PM
7

-Finances -Friends -Family -Fitness -Future love this !!! well said
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 06:18 PM
1

If your talking the actual house itself - NO of course not If your talking chatelle - knifes, plates, that old rug, your going to waste 3 months on this unless your telling me your lawyers are working pro-bono - good luck
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 06:16 PM
2

You got the big boy SUV ..I assume..Divorce party..like strip club ?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 06:11 PM
1

Where did you go and did you find it beneficial?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 06:10 PM
1

We all want connection..this can be achieved in various ways.. We all want sexual gratification (we are men) this can be achieved in various ways.. You are not ready to connect emotionally with a female and thats ok. Work on yourself and get out of that mindset. This is your biggest issue now. How do you do that, go and spend time doing the things you love, not what someone else loves, but what you love. Start there..reconnect with you
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 06:00 PM
2

Planning my next trip somewhere "the sun is shining and weather is sweet"
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:55 PM
1

Travel, Travel, Travel, It was therapy, it what kept me present, once that plane took off, I got to feel myself again and re-calibrate You cannot strategically win the war if you are always on the battlefield. You need to get away from it and come back refreshed and ready for the next round. This approach Saved My LIFE during the divorce process.. 2yrs, 2 lawyers, 80k it took in legal fees. But I did it and "Lived to tell the tale" (queue Madonna)
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:50 PM
1

Typical it should state that after the age of 18 the child can decide for themselves..make sure you get that added.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:32 PM
0

Execute this : Put a list of everything in a spreadsheet Share the spreadsheet to her and see what she wants She will want everything...good..give it to her ..lol Dont waste your time going back and forth with who wants what.. #1 All that shit can we repurchased #2 Most of what you bought was for her or for your house (see point #1) #3 You will burn legal fees and time arguing about a $10 toaster #4 Shows her you are done and won't keep feeding her the attention she wants. #5 Get it over and don…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:26 PM
3

She was a good fit back then She is not a good fit now, and thats ok, Its ok because life goes on, Pretending its going to work is wrong. The Pain and discomfort is natural. Going back to reconcile requires both parties to give it a shot. Not just you. Why would you want to go back to a toxic relationship ? Your mental health as at risk. I was with mine for 30yrs and we are now divorced and it was not amicable. Was it hard yes..Im I happier now YES , If I can survive it , so can you.. Chin up !!
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:20 PM
1

Seems like your trying to negotiate with someone who does not GAF. STOP : Dont you have a decree, does it not say the kids spend xxx with their dad ? If you don't have one, get one so get out of "waiting: for her approval.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:13 PM
1

Character witness letter is for IF it goes to trial - which must divorces dont - so I would not rely on that as a strategy. Good job on supporting your friend. All the other stuff you pointed out hold has no weight in fmaily court , unless he can prove her drinking is a risk to her children. Courts dont care if your bitch or a jerk, Its not about character. They dont care. As for off loading his assets - depends on what it is and who owns it..if its jointly owned vs its only in his name..if your…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:09 PM
3

How was it handled before your divorce process started ? The status quo should remain in place - until the divorce is completed - thats what you need to tell her. If your going to pay it all - then you need to capture it as a expense and deduct it all her side for the final equalization payment.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:00 PM
2

Deliberately depleting martial funds to support gambling, addiction, or spending funds on the affair partner. This has to be proven via a financial audit..and the paper trial. ie..thousands of dollars being taken out or cc being maxed out every week and no clear reasoning on why it was taken out and what it was spent on. If you can’t prove where it went and it’s constantly happening it can be a baseline for claiming financial abuse. They would have to show the paper trail to remove that negative…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 02:01 PM
2

Before you go there, decide what you are willing to bend on and what you are willing to fight for..
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 12:29 AM
1

Yes - there is light at the end of the tunnel. Now I travel, I have my freedom to do what I want, with who I want, where I want, and how I want.. You have to let go of the old version of yourself and let the new one come out.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 12:16 AM
3

I read the whole thing. yeah thats long ..honestly—this sounds exhausting Living in the same house that long while the lawyers slow-walk everything is brutal. What stood out to me is how you stopped engaging verbally and created peace anyway. That’s not passive—that’s strength. Most people don’t realize how powerful disengagement is until they feel that quiet for the first time. You’re also right about worth. A lot of us tolerate chaos because we’re afraid of losing access to our kids or blowing…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 12:14 AM
3

You’re right—this is one of the hardest parts. There’s no way to tell kids this without it hurting, and that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. I had 4 kids and each require a different level of explanation. A few things that matter : Do it together, (if she's aligned and not toxic) even if the prep hasn’t been together. Kids read energy more than language. Calm, united, and brief is better than emotional and detailed. Keep it simple and age-appropriate. They don’t need reasons, blame, or adult…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 12:11 AM
1

Typically, the parent who earns less - claims the kids
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 12:06 AM
3

Yes. Completely normal. I have been there. Divorce hits like grief, even when the marriage was short—and especially when you didn’t choose it. Your nervous system is still in shock. It does get better, but not all at once. First the fog lifts. Then the panic eases. Then one day you realize you’re thinking about your future instead of replaying the past. What helped me was movement—literally changing environments and travelling ...Even short trips or getting out of familiar spaces gave my mind ro…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 12:04 AM
8

Yes. man some do. Most don’t come out ahead, but plenty don’t come out broke either. The key is accepting early that breaking even is a win. The guys who get crushed are usually fighting the past—emotionally and financially. Once I stopped trying to “save” the old life and focused on building the next one, the numbers got clearer. Cut expenses fast, pick your battles, don’t let ego drive legal decisions. You won’t walk away untouched. But you can walk away solvent, sane, and able to rebuild. And…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 12:01 AM
1

I faced that same scenario- younger girls want a family , be clear in your own path and get a dog :)
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 08:04 PM
1

Im actually writing one - follow me and I will give you a discount code
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 08:02 PM
6

I have done it, best decision I have made, my kids are old now and I don’t wish to go back to changing diapers , you will go thru a phase of “redemption” and having this done has been very beneficial. I don’t have to worry about any “surprises”
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 05:16 PM
6

Your profile should highlight things you are looking for in a partner and the type person you are and what you enjoy. That’s it.. If you have key characteristics they align with then they reach out to you and a discussion begins. Your relationship history should be explained during a conversation not highlighted in your profile. We all have history, it deserves to be shared to those who are mature enough to handle it. Live with authenticity my friend, those really like you wont care about and th…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 02:53 PM
1

Moving out will cost you..who’s going to cover the cost of the existing house if you both move out. If it’s amicable then I would just stay until it’s sold . But don’t sleep with your ex while your there
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 07:11 PM
9

She’s checked out, what are trying to save here ? Lawyer up and get back into your house. She will continue to push for more and more , stop being Mr nice guy.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 05:04 PM
1

No your not covering yourself Your paying spousal support - not her rent So if she gets place for 5k your paying her rent still ? You’re paying child support and you’re paying it until the child is 18yrs old. Get it in writing , words sound easy now , but if she gets angry and takes you to court to change the amount you have no recourse. Zero You don’t need a lawyer - but you need some kind of agreement outlining - what ur paying and for how long and ask her to sign it - Tell her you need an agr…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 05:13 AM
13

Tell her lawyer no and that it’s irrelevant for divorce proceedings. Financial disclosure is required for asset determination, social media does not provide any bearing on your divorce. Tell them it will not be provided. Simple as that - they can ask for whatever they want. Keep the focus on asset determination and banking records not social media
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 07:30 AM
1

Exit the house , return to sleep , rinse and repeat
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 08:44 AM
2

This is normal, you must first shed that old skin..find the new you and the new friends that align with the new you. I had the same issue, most of the time , I think men dont know how to navigate this and wonder "maybe he needs time alone" I know that not true but use the time to fiqure out whats next. If dont call you, you call them. This is your time to re-build and get advice.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 04:02 AM
3

You need to sit her down and tell her - it’s not working and WE need to fix it. If the FIX is not the goal then a divorce will be the outcome. Why would you stay with a person if there is no connection and don’t say it’s for the kids. Being miserable in a marriage does worse for the kids than moving onward.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 06:12 AM
1

Na
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 11:02 PM
13

Every relationship comes to end - by death or divorce. Everyone must face the loss of there spouse. “Life isn’t about winning it’s about enjoying” Love that
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 02:59 AM
3

Brother we have all been there.. It’s hard, it’s tough but you will survive it. Mine was 30yrs of being together, mine had a affair 80k in court cost, have to pay CS and SS I survived it, living my best life now , traveling and meeting awesome people. Your life continues, the chapter with her is over that’s all. We are all here for you
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 02:57 AM
8

She takes Zero accountability and your there supporting her . You need your head checked
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 12:24 AM
6

Two points You tell your kids so they know the truth..period You must adjust the message to there age Do not get into the details… Turning the kids against her is the wrong reason, if that’s your sole purpose that’s wrong. Truth should be told so they can know how to manage their own relationships. I started with this sentence when I told my 15yr daughter.. Me and mommy are no longer together because she does want to be with me anymore because mommy likes someone else.. then u give a example “Ok…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 11:25 PM
5

30 yrs together - 4kids- now divorced because she had affairs. The lesson - yes give love , yes be in love- but never get attached to that point that you can’t walk away. Always and always build your own life for you . So If heart break happens again it does not disrupt your lifestyle. Just do you from now on. The hurt comes from building a life with someone and then they just walk away and your left with rumble looking at the pieces. You will always lose a partner - thru death or thru divorce. …
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 02:45 PM
1

No one cares about fixing your friend. Good for you here is a cookie and some ballon’s. We are talking about fixing a relationship My advice is - it’s not fixable Stay focused on the subject and give advice to help divorce men and keep it realted to OPs post and stop having a melt- down. Jesus Christ That’s what this sub is about..
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 01:02 AM
1

Help yes Fix no There’s a difference
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 12:29 AM
3

It’s called insecurity-
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 08:28 PM
0

Relationships are not fixable They work or they don’t It’s not a car or a broken facet where you can just replace a part. Do you get along with your friends ? It’s a yes or no Do you try to fix your friends ? You don’t The same rules applies - we men have a hard time accepting the one we chose is not fixable Cue - Coldplay FIX YOU
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 08:25 PM
1

U have support until your kids are 18 If it’s 50/50 custody and IF you earn the same amount of income then it’s a wash. In your final decree you must insure you include the statement that child support amount is frozen and cannot be re- visited . If you don’t she can ask for recalculations every year based on tax return and your fucked. Lock in the amount - CS is non negotiable- spousal support can be negotiated in mediation Potential earnings is not a thing in family court. It’s based on what y…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 08:19 PM
1

I do coaching…dm me been thru it
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 08:05 PM
-3

Typically, you are responsible for CS until the child is 18 or until they finish college/university. Change your lawyer if there not doing there job.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 04:30 AM
1

What she took from your bank account means nothing - your married now - Family courts don't care who spent what or who paid what - unless you can prove it was spent maliciously your wasting your time worried about this...So get off your soap box. You need to man up my friend. She said this, she said that, ..so FN what, she can say whatever you she wants to say,..first you need to come from under the covers and stop being afraid of her words and her lawyers demands. They can ask for whatever does…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 04:28 PM
22

GF - unless you’re totally healed from your divorce you should not be looking for a girlfriend, Period !! I have seen many guys go down this route of finding a GF. During your divorce or right after - Emotionally you are not ready. You still have triggers , court dates , conflicts to address etc. How do you know when you’re ready - if you can’t be in the same room with your ex wife or you don’t even want to hear her voice - you’re not ready for GF or a serious relationship. Massage girls , escor…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 04:42 PM
15

The women you married is no more .. The person you were (husband) is no more.. Both are dead, go find the new you. Get out and live he’s there waiting to find you
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 03:38 AM
8

Select - DELETE Then repeat For Social media accounts
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 05:54 PM
-4

Intrusion upon seclusion.. Look it up before you continue this
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 08:05 PM
2

Yes I have been in the same boat What you need to.. Talk to your children, spend time with them , when she texts them or calls them they will not respond right away. Tell them to call there mom back later You cant straight out tell not to talk to her. They need to see her as a nag and always interrupting there fun time with you. Watch movies , take them out..at a certain time block your wifi after a set time - because it’s bed time so they get some piece and rest. Set your boundaries on talk tim…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 07:56 PM
1

Self reflection..that’s what you learned from that trip ..bravo !!
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 07:46 PM
5

Who’s name the cars it’s in.. Doesn’t matter Who paid what bill Doesn’t matter If the cars are the only asset then you split them ..thats all that’s it. It’s already in her name - you just tell her to keep it and you keep yours. Getting an attorney seems like a waste of money . You need an attorney if you have assets , kids , and support that’s what they negotiate for you in a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 07:38 PM
1

Yeah treat yourself man…you deserve it and your earned it . I travel for by birthday every year now as a gift to myself.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 07:28 PM
1

You got to ponder your thoughts - that’s good for the soul !
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 07:27 PM
1

No that’s actually the same thing I realized also- you where not the problem ..lol glad to hear how traveling helped you
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 07:26 PM
1

Yeah I did the same - there during the divorce travel and after the divorce travel - lol - how was Shenandoah ? Was that your first time there ?
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 02:55 PM
1

Awesome - that’s pretty exciting , road trips are are great way to spend time .. any lessons you learnt about yourself ?
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 02:53 PM
1

What did you learn about yourself ?
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 02:52 PM
4

My story… I had mediation via zoom on the Thursday and had to see my ex wife for first time on the call. Had to deal with all the emotions and then 2 days later had to go to our grandsons first birthday party at a hall. Saw everyone there - her friends , her family it was challenging to say the least. I contemplated going but I went to show myself I can do it. Told my kids to take a photo of us all - in my mind it would be the last one of us all together. So I gave them the opportunity to captur…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 04:42 AM
6

Decline the request - her lawyer or a designated family member or some other person can come and take photos and relay back to her . “Due to emotional trauma you do not wish to be in her presence so she can send a designated person” Don’t allow her to cross your boundaries-
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 02:05 AM
4

If a women is interested in “treating you” this is a good sign, run with it , happy for you - but don’t remarry
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 09:04 PM
1

Sounds like your in an age gap relationship.. Yes post baby low sex drive is a real thing but this only last for so long. What else do you enjoy about her , just sex ? That can’t be the only reason why you’re considering a divorce . Also have you sat her down and told her this , given she’s younger this maybe something you need to explain and tell her there needs to be some middle ground and that you’re not being fulfilled. All I’m saying is don’t walk away just because of lack of sex. Communica…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 07:58 PM
5

Its default 50/50 - unless she can prove the kids well being are at risk. Also being 14 they can provide input to where they want to stay
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/25 07:24 PM
1

So your wife wants a divorce.. This means it’s over and she has already checked out - there nothing to try and reconcile as for as she sees it You do know that any relationship- including marriage - requires 2 people who want to make it work -
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 10:48 PM
16

Did you say you would date your ex- again ? Because she’s hot and she’s your kids mom ?? LOL Dude get a grip , you have low standards for yourself . She came crawling back because she knew you would be the sucker to listen to her sob story. So what if she’s your kids mom ? Lol So you have a lifetime responsibility to be with her because of that ..Jesus sometimes I read you guys posts and really think it’s us that need to have our heads checked. You Don’t sleep with your ex - full stop
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 10:17 PM
1

Typically She is entitled to half of the martial home. How she gets it is entirely up to you. Options You pay her portion A) From selling the house B) From refinancing (HLOC) C) From the tooth fairy I sold mine - and moved on was not going to double my payments to pay her out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 11:48 AM
7

Your attorney is NOT your therapist- she’s gonna get half period . Focus on that So don’t waste time fighting against what the law states. Don’t let your emotions get in the way She’s getting half - period - don’t agrue back and forth. Lawyers love that - that’s how they make there money. Here’s your half But she says xxxx and wants xxx Here’s your half But she said xxxx about your Here’s your half Here’s your half of we go to trial . That’s al you need to do . Do t get caught up in the noise.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 08:47 PM
2

It’s not just terrible it’s dangerous..lol
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 03:53 AM
3

Sounds like your just spewing false info Have you been thru a divorce ? Have you been thru the process ? I have so I can share from my experience Kings county WA …lol or whatever county or state you’re talking about. Doesn’t matter Child support Court orders are enforced at the Federal/State level not at the county level. Source : USA Government https://acf.gov/css Passport cancellations are enforceable Source : USA Government https://acf.gov/css/outreach-material/passport-denial-program-101 As …
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 03:25 AM
3

Take a trip..don’t stay home “ travel saves ur soul’
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 10:08 PM
1

Pay her out if you can - do you have a set time or is it lifetime alimony ?
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 11:35 PM
1

All debts, hers and yours and added up separately and used as part of the equalization process. You cant move large amounts of money out of your account - they go back 1yr to see via a forensic audit Read this What Is an Equalization Payment in a Divorce? - LegalClarity
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 11:31 PM
1

You need to tell them what happened...tell your side of the story - let them process it - you are obligated to tell them the truth,
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 11:27 PM
2

so whats your problem to pay for half ? you dont want a divorce ?
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 11:26 PM
1

Confront her to get it off your chest and expose it. I did that for my own confirmation and to make her look at herself and see herself and that the games over If you’re looking for some kind of accountability after you confront her from her side - it won’t happen, so don’t expect that. Do it to expose it not to get an answer as to why she did it . Not gonna happen it won’t minimize the pain or the legal challenges after either by exposing it I remember calling my first lawyer and she asked why …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 01:01 AM
1

Dont make more money Dont take the promotion Dont purchase any new assets in your name Slowly increase your debt ratio , spend , spend , spend
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 11:03 PM
1

I was with her 30 years .. Start with FB and delete all pictures shes in online Second throw out any photos I had with her in it Third delete digital photos from phone.. Clear your mental space..its done and over with, accept it That time as passed , move on and stop living in the past. It does nothing for you anymore
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 10:57 PM
1

My scenerio..I was at my house,,my ex moved out, thought about keeping it ..stayed for 8 months after..but no I sold it...yes great memories ..but there old memories, you need to make new memories, new energy..I sold mine and moved to someplace new. I let it go and left the memories there..now I create new ones Best choice I made.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 10:53 PM
1

Your not attracted to her You sleep on the couch You have a sexless marriage Your kids are seeing all of this and learning - its ok to tolerate things you dont like Your 35..you will have options man...I divorced after a 30yr marriage and still have options now. Stop living a lie for everyone including yourself, Also child support ends with the child is done school and that means - 18yrs or college. Your just staying to avoid child support payments..your making excuses..move on the create the li…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 10:35 PM
1

You state " I am going thru some personal issues, I need to take a few days off " you dont need to explain what kind..just say that..and I divorced the same kind of female - so I understand how hard this is..my advice to you is ZERO contact with her..thats the only we you will survive.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 10:12 PM
6

So live another 10yrs of unhappiness to reach retirement..then..live the rest of your life unhappy..hard pass for me...I rather continue without the dead weight. Theres websites for that and travel destinations that scratch that itch. Dont let the vagina control you,
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 10:11 PM
3

I was with mine for 30yrs and 4 kids...I did it ..you can
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 10:01 PM
9

Your going down to wrong path my friend..let me re-focus you Her drinking, snorting , sniffing, affairs or whatever shes doing - HAS nothing to do with your support obligations and her getting half of everything..repeat it has ZERO effect in Family court. Repeat again ZERO This only comes into play IF kids are involved and their safety and wellness is at risk and can be used around custody arrangements..then its important to highlight with PROOF that the kids are left unattended. But her extracu…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 09:54 PM
8

Here is the truth...File for divorce, be prepared give your half (she will take half), and pay support , then live your happy life on your terms. Your just dying a slow death. What does she do that provides you happiness ? nothing so why are you still there ? Move on, you have outgrown her..
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 09:45 PM
4

Where did you get this info from ? Not sure what country you are referring to but in North America You claim whatever you want ..your last 3 years of tax return will show your income and they go off that. Claiming jobless means nothing, family court judges will will impude the amount. What does that mean ? Did you Finish high school, then you should be able to earn a minimum wage job - so your support calculations will be based on that and thats what you will be paying. You went to trade school …
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 09:33 PM
1

If you are in sales they will average the last 3 to 5 years..thats how it works for sales income
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 09:23 PM
1

DO NOT MOVE OUT NO MATTER WHAT DO NOT MOVE OUT DO NOT MOVE OUT NO MATTER WHAT DO NOT MOVE OUT DO NOT MOVE OUT NO MATTER WHAT DO NOT MOVE OUT Tell her to go stay with family for few weeks, pay for her to get there. drive her there but as we said.. DO NOT MOVE OUT NO MATTER WHAT DO NOT MOVE OUT DO NOT MOVE OUT NO MATTER WHAT DO NOT MOVE OUT DO NOT MOVE OUT NO MATTER WHAT DO NOT MOVE OUT
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:53 PM
2

Dont do it ..it very negative , stay in the , basement , closet, couch, don't leave, you leave when the house is sold and divorce is finalized. sleep out some nights, but dont pack your stuff and leave you will regret it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:50 PM
1

I’ve walked this road. When you’ve spent that many years with someone, leaving doesn’t just hurt — it shakes your entire identity. You don’t just lose a partner, you lose the future you thought you were building. Guilt doesn’t mean you’re making the wrong choice. It means you cared. Men are wired to fix things. We stay longer, try harder, carry the blame. But a relationship can’t survive on one set of shoulders, no matter how strong you are. You gave effort, conversations, boundaries — hell, you…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:45 PM
3

The ONLY reason why you healed is because you went "ZERO CONTACT" for those in the same boat this is the right way..I did the same and I had kids with her..its was hard but you can do it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:38 PM
1

You need to get educated you are trauma bonding - Read this,, Trauma Bonding: Definition, Signs, and Ways to Cope If you read this, understand it, yet still "want her" then your the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:34 PM
10

When I asked her who the other guys was on the phone she was talking to and she just stared at me, lied about it to my face, and then left the house because "im crazy" and making up stuff. That's when it was really over
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:31 PM
6

Best thing I did after by Divorce...allows you to live a little :) with some security and with no surprises. Healed in a few days and was back it, no difference in feeling or sensation. My diapers days are behind me, yeah there cute but I will appreciate kids from the window. Mine are already grown.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:25 PM
3

You haven't mentioned the age of your kids ..assume there under 18, send her a email requesting there passports and provide a copy of your travel dates. If you have them 50/50 you can do want to want to with them Your there father not some stranger. Request it in email, you also need a written permission from there mom for her to sign - (there a template online) if she plays games, remind her of the decree statement with holding them from you is over bearing control and wont look good - finally …
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 08:19 PM
1

we have all been there my friend..end that chapter and start a new one..
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 07:46 PM
5

Dont date anyone right after, take sometime for yourself, go travel , go reconnect with people, go and find the new version of you. Unless you do that - you will end up in the same place . shed that old skin. Go have some fun, then after a while the right one with appear that matches your energy and your style. Dont try to go and find anything find yourself and what you need will appear.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 04:36 PM
6

Chat GPT is not good for this ..use NotebookLM its best for this ..upload all your source documents. PDF, WORD Links etc..then ask it questions just like chat GPT about the content..ie..Tell how to xxxx and highlight where xxxx is . Why its better ? It will consume/review/consider ONLY the content to give it. It does not go outside the sources you give it. I use it all the time to check documents from my lawyers to help clarify in plan english what there saying. You can also summarize things qui…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 04:48 AM
1

"My ex-wife wants to meet up for coffer every 2-3 months" why ?? You need time to get your self together and plan your next steps ..take time for yourself.. Here is question you need to ask. What are you getting out of it ?
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 04:34 AM
3

Getting remarried ..LOL
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 12:47 AM
3

So your paying support and lending out money , you must me making it in your basement. Hell no , stop feeling pity for her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 02:31 AM
2

Doesn’t work that way.. Assets are all combined in a financial assessment Your net worth is calculated Her net worth is calculated Shares, 401k, investments, property, cash in bank account. Financial disclosure is required Whoever has more has to equalize the other partner. It’s simple as as that , don’t get into the who owns what and who contributed more. Family law does not care and it’s irrelevant. It’s all split down the middle..period Also keep in mind if you have shares that mature you wil…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 06:40 PM
2

First thing - this is not fiqure it as you go scenario get a lawyer , that’s what you pay them for .. request . Request a financial audit of her back accounts .. all of them. Stop asking and raise a motion for them to be provided . Request that since ur not working she needs to cover your legal fees. Women do this all the time .
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 05:03 AM
-5

If you still care.. you are the problem ..
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 04:56 AM
2

She can request whatever she wants , doesn’t mean she’s going to get it
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 07:06 AM
6

Request the same in return..add a few more like prescription medicine and donations.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 07:05 AM
6

Mine cost 80k - in just legal fees Took 2 yrs of back and forth Don’t get emotional invested Lawyers love to see a squabble , remember they bill by the hour
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 06:55 PM
4

This minute you get into all these little areas you going to burn money . The lawyers will see all these assets and start knitting picking and suck all your money out. Assets and property- split everything Then you deal with anything else
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 03:45 AM
2

She has to buy you out regardless..
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 03:41 AM
6

Why would u want to get married again Actually think about what it brings you The title doesn’t bring you anything but Hollywood romance. You can get everything you need from just having a good relationship with someone who aligns to your vibe. Getting married and hoping nothing goes wrong where your lost half of everything you built. It’s.a government control that allows your spouse to walk away and you pay the penalty.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 03:39 AM
3

Tell those who need to to know the truth .. Kids and family - set your ego aside It’s not you who was the problem
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 03:26 AM
6

Divorce process with out the legal mobo jumbo All your assets in your name go into a bucket All your debts go into another bucket - your net worth is calculated All her assets in her name goes into a bucket All her debts go into a bucket - her net worth is calculated Who ever comes out on top has to EQUAL out the other . It’s called equalization How you equalize her - court does t care , sell the house , cash out stocks there not interested . It’s basically a payout. You own more - u will be giv…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 11:10 PM
1

Default is 50/50 unless she can prove your “not available “ to parent
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 05:13 AM
1

You need to happy in this life ..if you don’t like where you are at and where it’s going , change it You have the power and deserve to be happy
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 05:10 AM
1

Mediation is for when your trying to come to a resolution with a 3rd party -aka a mediator Lawyer is for knowing the family law in your state and what you’re entitled to.. “You don’t need a mediator, you need a lawyer” She the bread winner , means she will need to pay you spousal supper and child support. Doesn’t matter who paid for what or who signed what . It’s asset split 50/50 period Her pension Her stocks Her savings Her assets It’s split If she knows this she will try to sucker you into me…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 05:03 AM
1

If you’re chasing her ..she’s running away. Accept the truth , we all had to at some point Start the process and you will be ok
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:55 AM
1

I dated both and older women - closer to my age and a younger women. Stop and think about the lifestyle you want to live . I didn’t want anymore kids , no more home depot trips and backyard bbqs or deal with other kids I dated a younger women who just wants to hang out and have fun. I told her I’m not interested in marriage and kids and she’s not either. Be truthful with what you want and throw out anything that doesn’t fit your criteria. You must determine what kind of relationship you want and…
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:51 AM
1

If she lawyers up - she’s going for half If you can sweet take her to uncontested sure. But the minute she talks to legal consul there coming for blood
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:46 AM
1

Rule#1 You don’t communicate with a narcissist That’s where you will be sucked back into there trap Zero communication Zero attention Stop giving your energy to her. If you live with her go home to sleep that’s it.. Sell the house, split the proceeds and move out
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:40 AM
1

We all lost stuff my friend..some of us lost all that and have to pay support . You don’t any kids or child support Your not paying alimony Yes it hurts but better u found out now than 10 yrs down the line.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:39 AM
1

Hint : 1:change your lawyer : 2:stop conversations with your ex she’s toxic 3:keep your relationship with your son strong
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:35 AM
2

She can do it , but during your divorce have your lawyer ask for her financial transactions from the account in question and state she was recklessly spending the funds without your consent to deplete family savings. She will have to explain where the money went and why.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:32 AM
1

Zero communication is the only thing that they can’t stand. Give zero energy and zero attention . They feed of your reaction. Give them nothing not even a response
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:23 AM
1

You don’t make sense of it ..you must accept it - that’s all u need to do. It won’t make sense so don’t even try to understand the rationale
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:21 AM
2

30 yrs of marriage and divorced 2 yrs ago - CS,,SS financially destroyed me, house sold , asset split, lawyers fees , lost trust in all women, took years to rebuild . I would never get married again. Some guys try and Russian roulette hoping for the best , not me sorry. 50% of marriages end in divorce - should have told us these statics in school.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:19 AM
1

O hell no - why we you even go there . Drinking poison is what your doing
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:10 AM
1

Travel and go see family and reconnect that’s what I did and it saved me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 04:08 AM
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