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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

techandgame/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 10:24 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

Op same situation as you. Lost my virginity to my ex. 18 years married. Just minus the second opportunity. Would love to know how it goes as I prepare for that second stage of my life
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 12:01 PM
3

Yea, you and 35 other people I've talked with to try to square this circle logically. But like the others, I do appreciate the words. It at least gives me some semblance that I'm not totally crazy. Not saying she is and to each their own... as my counselor theorized, it probably wasn't that, it was just an excuse to finally end things. I own that I lied to her about it and that's probably part of it being honest. Not good. If it wasn't for the kid thing, it'd be different. That's a whole other h…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 03:42 PM
11

Thank you. 9 months into separation. She filed 4 months into it. None of the ABCD's as I call it (abuse, booze, cheating, drugs, debt). Admitted to looking at porn off and on and that was enough for her. Haven't seen my teenagers since February and she's got control of the whol situation. Hard as hell, at least have a good attorney and just knowing that down the road when they're adults they'll have a better understanding and hopefully a restored relationship. Thanks for writing this though it d…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 03:35 PM
2

This is the best advice here I believe. My wife's bday was in April. Our anniversary was on fathers day (yea...major suck). I batted around this question for so long. She's also alienating my teenage boys from me so I am sticking to this advice. I didn't say a word. She's purely a business transaction until such time that my boys and I are reconnected again. Until that time, she's a number on a spreadsheet.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 01:00 PM
6

Went to see disclosure day, talked with my sister, friends etc. Slept in until 11. Made it work lol
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 01:00 PM
2

OP I feel this TO MY CORE... my ex pulled out her direct deposit checks in January and redirected them to her own account. So when I did the same, she cited that as a reason why she couldn't make things work. I remember literally thinking to myself "so... that's like you getting pissed I got a lawyer when you got a lawyer first" Like...these women make no sense
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 01:00 PM
1

Ohhhh damn this is great advice thank you!!!
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 12:58 PM
3

Damn this might be the best advice I've heard on this thank you (see my comment above)
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 12:56 PM
3

God damn this hurts bad. Yesterday was our 18th anniversary, on top of fathers day, on top of 8 months to the day (oct 21) we separated, which was also the last day I spoke to my 16 year old. It hurts man. I'm really sorry. 13 year old hasn't talked to me in 4 months. Same situation... no abuse, cheating, etc and we're 50/50 but yea, just parental projective identification.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 12:56 PM
6

Dad of two boys, 16 and 13. Also our 18th anniversary today (not kidding) and 8 months since we separated on Oct 21. Haven't spoken to my 16 year old since nor my 13 year old since she filed for divorced end of Feb. So yea... sucks. No abuse/cheating/debts/drinking. Looked at porn off and on, lied about it and that was the ballgame. Not judging, she viewed it as cheating and I wasn't honest. Either way my point is this...I can relate to my core. And the confluence of all those dates I listed mak…
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 07:06 PM
1

Sucks man. I feel this. Wife kicked me out and I asked to help take care of the dogs. She refused. We have two that are my babies and I miss dearly.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 09:25 PM
6

Dude as someone 8 months into separation and going through the shit of it, I echo the other sentiment...this is so hopeful. I'm 41, average shape but never dated anyone but my ex and I'm PETRIFIED of getting back out there (in like...5 years lol). Thanks for sharing this
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 02:15 AM
1

God damn, of all the posts in r/DivorcedDads and r/Divorce_Men i've come across in the past 8 months since separation this hits the most home. Like seriously....are you me? You echo the same sentiments exactly. "One side can admit that I didn’t step up. That I waited for instructions. That I deferred. That I could have taken charge, but I didn't.... And, I sit here, after two years of being alone, thinking that now I know what needed to be done. I know because I’ve been doing it. And I think abo…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 08:54 PM
1

Dude I'm so sorry. That's interesting though that your 15 year old is still connected with you? I was the opposite for a while until she served me in Feb, and now no contact with them at all since then. I think the kid thing makes it worse, and then when they are 11+ and have the agency to do things like this it does break your heart. I've learned with/through this, kids have to have an oppressed...and an oppressor. Also kids in this will often gravitate toward their high conflict parent and pus…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 03:48 PM
2

Thanks man for all of this and yes I'd even love the long version...feel free to respond or dm. I see the things you wrote it's like I can visualize them right in front of me but they've been hard to execute against, especially the meal planning/prepping as I only "cooked" about 20% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 02:38 PM
2

Seriously, holy shit mate, this is gold. If I had some to give I would. Thank you. 8 months into this hellscape and I often feel stuck.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 08:17 PM
2

Man that's a great way to describe it, thank you. Kind of like the alien in Men in Black haha. But your spot on...I was raised conservative christian but in deconstructing this and finding new values/identity/purpose, I'm realizing that I'm much more aligned to your first paragraph so...agnostic lite maybe? Either way, thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 06:48 PM
1

I'm happy for you man, mind sharing what helped turn that corner? I'm in a similar timeframe (8 months separated, 4 months since getting served papers)
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 06:46 PM
2

This is beautiful, thank you. 8 months in myself. Separated in Oct and without the kids for most of it...first fathers day alone is gonna suck.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 06:45 PM
1

I feel this. Teenage boys that won't talk to me. No affair/abuse but lied about looking at porn. The fact that I'm in limbo with my sons is the worst part so yea... the kids part sucks. How old are your girls? I feel like being teeangers it makes it harder, as they have way more agency and for mine, I resonate so much with your last sentence.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 06:44 PM
2

Damn this right here, thank you or saying that. 8 months into the separation, 4 months since getting served. Definitely live(d) in that suberbia
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 04:23 PM
3

Yea i'm sure...almost like a friend zone type of thing
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 09:02 PM
3

Damn, who knew that was an actual thing for divorced couples to feel and do haha. But I'm happy for you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 07:20 PM
2

This is a great way to normalize that!
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 07:13 PM
4

told her all the good stuff about you? Apparently you found a unicorn of an ex haha
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 07:12 PM
1

Damn saving this thank you! Love this - "why do I want someone who doesn't want me back...You CAN do it, but nobody is going to do it for you. Your life will become something so much better than you expected, but not if you're drooping your head in misery. Soon life will have passed you by and you'll be there wondering why you didn't do something about it. Don't let something as petty as a significant other leaving take you down."
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 07:09 PM
1

Solid advice thank you. 8 months into separation, she filled 5 months ago. Rebuild is the perfect word
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 07:35 PM
1

Gotcha. Yeah that makes sense
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 04:36 PM
4

You couldn't be more right. I completely align and I really appreciate your perspective. Just curious, have you gone through this before? There's something cathartic about reading other divorced men's story. Just knowing there's light at the end of this dark tunnel. No affair, no abuse, no gambling debts... Just porn off and on throughout 18 years. Of course wasn't honest and the one time I was that was enough for her. Stupid me lol.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 04:34 PM
3

Holy shit. How is it that much?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 03:50 PM
4

Some good objective shit right here. 7 months separated, served divorce papers 4 months ago. I've only finally started to begin cracking the surface of your first paragraph. It's both relieving And a little scary.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 03:50 PM
3

dude i'm so sorry. How do you deal with the want and desire to scream and stamp your feet and yell 'THIS IS SO NOT FAIR'.... I agree, no i wasn't the perfect husband. No cheating/abuse/debt... great credit score, 3100 sq ft house, agreed to spend 20k/year for vacations for her and we had amazing times. Good dad, good life, etc. Looked at porn off and on throughout the marriage and when I finally told her thinking she might be slightly annoyed, it ended up with separation and now divorce. Make it…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 01:09 PM
3

Looked at porn off and on throughout the 20 years of marriage. Lied as I was afraid she'd end things. When I admitted I did...she ended things.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 12:40 PM
2

Damn great read man, thank you, especially this part - "She’s gone because she chose to be. And once you accept that, something shifts inside you." Whew. So hard.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 02:44 PM
1

God, great advice thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 02:13 PM
1

God, I wish we could mediate but yea your right.... might end up there anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 01:18 PM
1

Can you elaborate on what "back to normal" means? I'm the dad in this situation, of a 16 and 13 year old...only difference is I'm DYING to see my kids, who don't want to see me (separated 6 months). No cheating/abuse/etc. But sticking close to mom and it's so painful. So I'm trying to live vicariously through others stories like yours.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 12:54 PM
1

Dude are you me? Holy crap, it's like our wives are the same people. Everything you just said...wow 100% my wife (ex..whatever). Literally, her language MASSIVELY changed once she had the attorney whispering in her ear. First court date is next week.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 12:49 PM
1

God this hurts but makes me feel better that I'm not alone. Boys 16 and 13 here, haven't seen them in months.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 08:14 PM
1

Dude same here. I'm both sad but appreciate not being alone with that experience.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 08:13 PM
2

Damn never thought of it like this as bundled under CS but I guess it is? Like.... I want my teens to have phones, but they also won't speak to me. Part of me wants to be like well... you can't have your cake and eat it too.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 08:08 PM
9

Ugh I hate this thought. I actually really liked my in-laws (as much as one can). They were genuinely the nicest people, and people I had hoped would be pulling for our marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 08:05 PM
4

Man 28 years, I'm so sorry. I'm at about 18 and thought that was brutal. Kids are teenagers, so in that between stage of you and having littles. I honestly fear this situation...I got sick for the first time last week since the separation 6 months ago and even that felt like the worst...not that I was a baby when I was sick but just having to deal with all of these "firsts" alone... can't imagine surgery. Good on you for having a plan though and just taking action.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 07:03 PM
1

Profound. I'm saving this and maybe even printing it. As a 5-6 month-er myself, thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 04:47 PM
2

"I also suspect there may be outside influence from a friend of hers, because the way she is speaking now feels very different from how she was speaking before. I know that part is hard to prove, but the shift has been obvious to me" I can't speak much to the custody, as my teenage boys are older and have cut me out sadly. However this statement hits home. I can 100% relate to this. She's a whole different person.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 03:38 PM
1

Married 18 here with two boys...how old are/were yours at the time of divorce? I find it rare to come across another 20ish year married dad of two boys. She filed and ended it much like yours. I'm 6 months into my separation, 2 months into getting served. Does it get better?
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 02:30 PM
1

Damn hard truth but so true. 18 year marriage fell apart.... nice guy for 15 years, tried to change and then.... boom.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 07:58 PM
2

Glad to meet another "longer term" married guy. 18 years, separated 6 months ago, got served 3 months ago (yep, 90 days in). Together for about 20. First your spot on, the first 6 months have been hell. But now I'm...functioning. That's the goal. To float. Almost like your emotional muscles have been in atrophy after being in a 6 month coma. I'm having to re-learn how to emotionally walk again. Your last point... wow again so true. DO NOT DO THIS ALONE! I'm a 100% introvert and I can't tell you …
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 05:58 PM
4

I don't know who you are or what kind of divine or mystic presence you conjured up to write that, but I really appreciate both the depth and the practicality of the advice. Often on Reddit or in relationships you get one without the other. You remind me a lot of some of the videos I've been watching ironically from the comedian Pete Holmes talking about grief, depression and anxiety. Thank you for this. The world needs more people like you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 10:34 PM
2

Dude I'm so sorry. You describe my situation to a T. Both from the smear campaign to the parental alienation. It really sucks. Surviving, yes 100% and falling apart first? Yea damn, been there. Still am there some days. But yes you also describe my status to a T...I'm done. I can't imagine dating in any capacity for at least 5 years (when my youngest graduates) but once I got the papers from her lawyer alleging I haven't provided any financial support (which i've bent over backwards to provide) …
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:35 PM
1

Damn sorry to hear man. How are you holding up.... how long has it been since you all separated?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 07:26 PM
1

Damn I'm so sorry to hear that. Yea it's baffling on the first part (which yes I get to some extent the betrayal piece of it). I can't imagine the second part added into what I'm already feeling... But at least it (could) give you some perspective and framing.... it wasn't the porn. It was her. She wanted out. And this was the excuse to hit eject. Curious, how are your friends/family taking it? I've talked to at least 35 people individually for 2 hours or more about this to try to gain perspecti…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 07:25 PM
1

Dude it's not often you feel like you meet your reddit twin. Married 18 years, separated 6 months and she filed 2 months ago. I LITERALLY proposed the same scenario (I pay for 50% of kids expenses, carry family health insurance and pay for kids cell phones). I'm about 60% of the income and she's 40% (so again like you slightly above). We only started down the interrogatories path so I'm not as far down as you. But I love your mindset. I actually voluntarily completed (down to the penny) our stat…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 06:59 PM
2

Dude this right here. I wondered the same thing....and am renting a decent size 2 bed 1 bath house with a basement, probably about 1300sq ft total for $1645/month (all utilities included). Granted I'm in a LCOL area but not having to worry about accounting for $15k-$20k/year on vacations makes things a whole hell of a lot more doable haha.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 06:54 PM
1

Married 18 years. Looked at porn on and off throughout the married. Always denied it knowing my wife would lose it. Decided to be honest last fall, and got the boot. So I guess in a way I was right. I take ownership of not being honest and for doing something she considered not acceptable. I could lay out a litany of reasons but I own my side of the street. But after 6 months I've realized that while I was the spark that lit the flames, she also had ownership in not burning the god damn city dow…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 06:47 PM
1

Dude that was rough. Good but rough given the situation we find ourselves in.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 11:53 AM
3

dude that's awesome. well I try to take something away from every convo, no matter how small, no matter if reddit or in person. And communication will be what I take away from this. Thanks man. Can I ask how your kids relationship is with their mom? Due to the boys age I pretty much will never get to see them unless they want to. Makes no sense but I'm trying to find hope where I can.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 09:13 PM
3

Thanks. I forgot to add I had a similar run (17 years, 18 this June). Had sex about twice a month. No cheating/abuse/debts... wound up looking at porn to supplement the infrequency. Knew she'd be pissed so I just kept it under the table (no pun intended) and finally when I thought "hey you know what I'll just come clean" that was game set and match. Can't imagine dating... never dated much until we met (and that was also like almost 20 years ago). Not a bad thing I guess since my two boys are in…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 08:51 PM
5

Damn this gives me so much hope thank you (6 months into separation, she filed 90 days ago).
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 08:29 PM
7

5 months into my separation and one month post getting served with papers.... Right there with you my man. I know I'm speaking from emotions but screw all marriages. If in some alternate dimension I ever do end up getting remarried, I'm definitely going the prenup route and keeping my finances separate. I wish I would have remembered the sage advice of Donald Sutherland from the Italian Job..." It's not that I don't trust you. I just don't trust the devil inside you."
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 11:42 AM
2

Jesus how the hell this only has 11 upvotes, here's another because that's huge. Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 06:42 PM
2

Damn you seem to line up with me.... 18 years, separated in Octo 2025, divorce docs received (by me) Feb 2026. Crazy timing. If you say you have kids that are 16 and 13, then shit is gonna get all conspiracy theory here haha.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 02:21 PM
3

Damn great advice here. Thank you, especially from how much I resonate with this. No cheating, abuse, debt.... but similar to you things I certainly own, but overall a good man for 18 years. Thank you, truly this does help.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 07:33 PM
4

So sorry man. 5 months here. Stay strong. Reach out if needed
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 11:08 AM
1

Good perspective thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 07:16 PM
3

Thank you for this and your post. Dad of two teenage boys and it's so brutal, so hard. 5 months in, just got the papers last few weeks. Thanks for this!
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 02:13 AM
1

Thanks for this. You helped me get my ass up at 530am this morning to go play basketball for the first time since separating. Damn it felt so good!
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 06:31 PM
1

This right here. I never get the whole focus on the retainer. It's the billables that matter most. I had one guy quote me 20k retainer at 500/hour (300/hour for his paralegal). It's not the 20k I cared about but the hourly. Ended up going with a lady with a great reputation who is 300/hour (150/hour for her para). $7500k retainer but again...it's the hourly rate that matters!
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 06:23 PM
1

Damn, that's probably the best way to put it, never really thought of it like that. Thanks just the motivation I probably needed to get my ass back out there working out
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 05:59 PM
1

Damn, I literally have all 3 (but diagnosed only a few years ago). Just got my lex doubled from 10 to 20 and started 10mg of addy last year. I guess it sounds like I really need to lean into it... was big into running and playing basketball and always wanted to get a nice six pack, but the separation killed alot of that momentum. Guess I gotta get back to it!
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 05:23 PM
1

Damn saving this comment thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 08:37 PM
1

Damn, that's deep I love that. Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 08:36 PM
2

Dude, I feel the pain on both fronts and maybe we need to talk more so I can learn more from you. Married 17 years...two teens...got served 2 weeks ago (first). I'm doing all your doing as well but yea... definitely need to know what works for you
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 01:16 PM
1

Thank you. I know this might be trite but that might be the most insightful thing and impactful thing someone on reddit said to me. Like I know it in my head but I know I need to have that conversation and force it face to face. My lawyer mentioned before my my youngest son broke off communication that I should just go pick him up from school and now that he's broken off communication I think I'm just going to go one day and offer to take him out. It's his choice whether he goes with me or not. …
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 02:44 AM
1

I wish it were that simple. And your not wrong I probably should have just told my wife to fuck off, I'm not leaving the house....or when I did fuck you, I'm going to hang out with my sons....but I was in such desperation to repair the relationship that I just went along with what she demanded and required. I may have brought the wood for the gate, but she poured the foundation, set the cement. That being said, yes now that I have divorce papers, I'm ready to roll, pick my kids up from school (a…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 01:48 AM
1

Thanks for this I actually have been using NotebookLM and Gemini like crazy. I keep an audio journal each night since the separation, and ask Gemini and NotebookLM to analyze any patterns, emotional improvements, struggles, etc and running it against the DSM-V. To the legal end, after doing a deep dive I just wanted to throw this out there. Divorce is a civil matter. So as I understand it, Google...Verizon...etc.... don't give a flying shit about civil cases. It's not a criminal case so they gen…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 01:32 AM
1

During the separation, she only allowed me to see my 13 year old 2 hours a week. I stupidly agreed and thought if I went along with it we could reconcile quicker. No abuse. No cheating, No gambling debt. 830 credit score. Long story short, looked at porn a dozen times over 17 years and lied to my wife about it. And that was wrong, sure. But I was there for my kids every night, put them to bed each night, etc, showed up at the games, the events, the appointments. Supported, cheered and loved. Les…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 01:28 AM
2

More so for my ammunition... she's been very hostile so i'm building my case to show that, and to show the parental interference.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 06:11 AM
1

Lol. Or just most men in the situation Who are objective enough to realize their own need for emotional regulation LOL
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 11:43 PM
2

Also how do you balance that with the fact that you are up against the clock with 21 days to respond and court date's etc etc. especially not being able to see either one of my boys.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 11:32 PM
2

Dang dude, you must be watching my YouTube algorithms. Rachel Sloan over at better by divorce. Literally just was saying the same thing in the last video I watched
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 11:31 PM
1

OP what did you do? A few months into my separation, got kicked out (no affair or abuse). It's looking likely to be a permanent thing. Three questions: How was the past year? Also how was mediation? My counselor is strongly recommending that as a last resort and to avoid lawyers at all costs. Lastly... did you go with something furnished, apartment... buy a new house? I'm about 20 years in, two kids but both in high school.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 07:28 PM
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