temporaryalpha Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
3	My pregnant wife left the house and told me over the phone she wants a divorce. I am devastated The first thing to realize is that emotionally your fight isn't against her. It's against yourself. Learning to feel whole, to recognize that no matter what happens you will be okay, is a huge challenge. But your primary responsibility emotionally is to yourself. Next, if you can understand that pregnancy affects the hormonal balances in a woman, it may help you understand the irrationality, anger, and other ugly emotions she may be expressing to you. Next, learn who you are. Take the mbti (a si…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/01/23 02:15 AM
2	Second Divorce -- escaping the rage woman It's only emasculating if you let it be. Take back your power. Stop letting her anger/behavior define your sense of self. You walked into it? You can walk out again. I did. We were together 27 years. It's been a struggle, no lie. But not once, not once, have I ever thought I did the wrong thing. You need to learn how to love yourself. How to create/enforce boundaries. You're going to get through this. There are a lot of lessons you are about to learn. Learning them will suck. But they are necess…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/01/23 11:52 PM
12	Is it me or does anyone else noticed that most women don’t really ask you questions about you and if they do they quickly bring the topic back to them ? Have any of you guys experience this with yours wives or women in general ? You may want to research narcissistic personality disorder, especially if you are empathetic. Narcissists love people who emote, because they literally have no self esteem, so they only can feel good about themselves if they hear it from others. It's an insidious condition that's imposed in childhood, and it sucks in those who feel inexorably, and it can tear us apart.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/05/22 12:21 AM
1	Spiraling Brother, you are at the beginning. This is going to take time. If you are lucky, it will burn away all the ugliness in you. There are many lessons to learn. Listen, I'm not being mean. I am telling you the truth. Determine to be kind and good, no matter what. So you can love yourself at the end of this. I realize it may seem like I'm talking in riddles. But that's simply because you're at the start. The worst days will be the days you're learning the most. It won't kill you. You will get through…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/04/22 02:30 AM
3	Question to those fathers whose under 14 years old daughter / son had chosen mother (ex-wife) over you - did they ever returned to you? This is what I'm dealing with, too. My ex accused me of something horrific--one of the worst things you can accuse a father of. And worse, she told my son. He can't stand her. The only reason he still spends any time with her at all is because, as he said, it's not worth it. I think really he does it for his sister. The thing about love is this: you love regardless of whether it's returned to you. I loved my ex a long time. Also, like Gibran said, your children are not your children. They are th…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/04/22 02:27 AM
1	If you get married you’re a fucking IDIOT I'm in a position of some authority. I won't explain that. But what I will say is this: the only reason to get married is if you want to have children. There is no other reason.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/04/22 02:24 AM
6	14 Months later Important to realize that the timeline varies. It's been 2+ years for me, and it sounds like my situation was a little more complex than OP's, but I've come a long way. I still have nightmares, still struggle with anxiety in the mornings. I was diagnosed with PTSD. But it's true that legally I'm free. I love my children, I focus on being kind and good. I've learned about mindfulness. No matter how bad the mornings are, I know that cortisol is the cause. I look for reasons to fear, and there aren…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/04/22 02:22 AM
1	Time to Dismantle Everything!!! People talk about how to survive divorce. Lots and lots of books, videos, sites. But what I need is guidance on what to do once I have survived it. What to do with the fear, the anger, the grief. What to do when I've been drained to the point of depletion. While it was happening, I determined to be kind and good, no matter what, to be the reed that bent in the current. Through some miracle I did it. But I'm utterly exhausted now. I long for companionship, but I can't handle emotional disruption …	/r/Divorce_Men	24/04/22 02:43 PM
1	Divorced men of Reddit,what occurred to make you think “I NEED A DICORCE!!” I went approximately 12 years without sexual intimacy. My parents died when I was a child. 2 teacher friends took an interest in me. After decades, when one of them died, I realized that was enough, that I needed to show my children something better. So I filed. This caused my ex to attack me horrifically.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/04/22 11:18 PM
3	Dads, what's your current child custody arrangement? 50/50. I get them about 60% of the time.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/04/22 11:17 PM
5	Time to Dismantle Everything!!! It's been 2+ years for me. I still struggle. I was the empathetic one. My son hates his mom; my daughter tries to make sense of what happened. I drink daily. I wish I just could stop feeling. I wish I could run away. Instead, I love my children, I tell myself constantly they need me. I go to work. I tell myself the worst is over, that it has been for a while. And still I struggle.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/04/22 11:17 PM
3	Lessons Learned That I am enough.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/04/22 03:16 AM
3	Who would I be without my kids? I love my children with all my heart. When I first heard the oldest's heartbeat, I knew why I'd been born. As he grew, I used to wonder how I ever could love another as much as I loved him--until I heard my youngest's heartbeat. There is nothing improper about loving your children. It is beautiful and important. By loving them, you give to the future. You keep on doing that.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/04/22 03:14 AM
3	Your Every Once in a While Reminder First thing I did when I prepped for divorce was ask judge friends who the best matrimonial lawyer in my city was. Then I borrowed against my pension and paid her. She was worth every penny.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/05/21 03:00 PM
1	Q for Divorced/Separated parents. If you could go back and time and not meet the person you separated from and gave you your children,would you? Even though that would mean you would of never have had your current kids. No. My ex and all the struggle are the cost I had to pay for the 2 people I love most in this world.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/04/21 03:29 AM
3	Alienated Dad here. Could use some advice with my 11-year-old daughter. I agree with everything you say--except maybe 2. Maybe 2 really depends on what kind of parent OP wants to be. Divorce doesn't just hit parents hard; it also does a number on kids. If I were OP, I'd simply tell my daughter as often as I can how much I love her. Include her in plans, get her views. And let her grow on her own. I read somewhere that children eventually can figure out which parent loves them. I believe that.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/04/21 10:57 PM
3	Need to stop going over to the ex’s Don't discuss anything with your ex; don't volunteer info. She is not your friend. Your children, yes, love them.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/02/21 04:30 AM
5	So Long, and thanks for all the fish. I'm 7 months post divorce. Not interested in a relationship right now. But I agree: this is survivable. It has sucked. But I've learned a ton about who I am. And I am a good person. I've grown. Meanwhile she's still the same. I'm glad to be free, and no matter how bad it was (it was terrible), I'm still glad.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/10/20 02:03 AM
7	If you owned a home, who ended up with it? I agreed that she could have the house (in exchange for my share of equity). I didn't want it. It was poorly constructed and had lots of bad memories. This past week I bought/moved into a new house which my children helped pick out. Everything in it is mine. There are no bad memories here at all. I am going to make it warm and loving.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/10/20 01:26 AM
10	Today was the first day that I thought I might be over the worst. I can tell you that it's a process. Fear, dread, anxiety--it all almost swallowed me. I've come out the other side. I stayed true to my values, learned of my worth. It is possible. The worst experience of my life. But I survived it. If I can, anyone can. Including you.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/09/20 11:37 PM
10	My kids have turned on me. What do I do? You are right; don't force them to do anything. Just tell them you love them. With every breath. Every insult. Every scratch and claw. Tell them you love them.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/01/20 02:23 AM
8	My kids have turned on me. What do I do? All you can do is love them. Love them. Love them. Let them express themselves. Tell them you love them over and over. You don't deserve it. They don't deserve it. Remember that they do not end at the end of childhood. Love them. Show them what it means to suffer their anger. Because that's what love is. It endures; it never fails. I'm not saying this to be simple or facetious. I am telling you that your beautiful ones are hurting and they need you to persevere. Love them.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/01/20 02:22 AM