~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
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| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
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| – | Many men on Reddit who seek long-term relationships claim that OLD is not working out for them (barely any likes, matches or dates), many women on Reddit who seek the same thing claim that there are almost no good men to choose from (most matches seek casual sex, are incompatible or creepy)You're trying to equalize this when this is not game theory at all. It's become cyclical but women are responding to the behavior of men on the apps. You acknowledge that men behave in ways on the apps that makes the experience unpleasant for women. You and others insist that pure self-interest without regard for externalities the only practical and rational way for men to use the apps. Here's the problem: the reason why women reject 99% of our matches is because this behavior has made the value… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/06/26 12:23 AM |
| – | Many men on Reddit who seek long-term relationships claim that OLD is not working out for them (barely any likes, matches or dates), many women on Reddit who seek the same thing claim that there are almost no good men to choose from (most matches seek casual sex, are incompatible or creepy)I've taken myself off the apps which means that I've chosen a 0% match rate. And a big reason why is because I was focused on the people and not the metrics. As I've said elsewhere, it's a dating app, not a match/like tally counter app. Taking the time to evaluate each profile knowing each one has a 99.9% probability of going nowhere is so insanely, comically inefficient I wouldn’t even call it a viable strategy. From these guys’ perspective, it makes perfect sense to save serious evaluation for… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 03/06/26 05:13 PM |
| – | Many men on Reddit who seek long-term relationships claim that OLD is not working out for them (barely any likes, matches or dates), many women on Reddit who seek the same thing claim that there are almost no good men to choose from (most matches seek casual sex, are incompatible or creepy)I don't match with them, but I received their likes and that means my likes page was unusable because it was full of spam. This "optimization" strategy is really just offloading all of the work onto women because now we have to cull through all of the noise one by one, or not look at the likes page all. Men have diluted likes down to a completely meaningless metric. It is in no way my fault that these men swipe on everything. And this behavior is one of the reasons why I have taken myself off th… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 03/06/26 04:33 PM |
| – | Many men on Reddit who seek long-term relationships claim that OLD is not working out for them (barely any likes, matches or dates), many women on Reddit who seek the same thing claim that there are almost no good men to choose from (most matches seek casual sex, are incompatible or creepy)Well women are looking at bios and that's why they are swiping left. I don't think it's egotistical that someone should not feel entitled to a conversation with me without first recognizing that I'm a human being, and treating me and my time with some respect. I don't exist to help men "get" matches. I'm not going to swipe right on someone who has an empty bio, nor will I swipe right on someone who has an obvious incompatibility. It's a dating app, it's not matching tally counter app. Getting a … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 03/06/26 06:25 AM |
| – | Many men on Reddit who seek long-term relationships claim that OLD is not working out for them (barely any likes, matches or dates), many women on Reddit who seek the same thing claim that there are almost no good men to choose from (most matches seek casual sex, are incompatible or creepy)It's a ridiculous ask to think that men should be reading bios before swiping? How is it the case that men are incapable of reading 300 words and saying, "We wouldn't enjoy each other's company," or "We have different family/relationship/life goals." No one's asking you to make a vow of commitment to one woman based on her bio or some other princess fairy tale nonsense. All anyone is suggesting is that you just take a beat, read the text, check the tags, and swipe left occasionally. But instead … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 03/06/26 05:36 AM |
| – | Many men on Reddit who seek long-term relationships claim that OLD is not working out for them (barely any likes, matches or dates), many women on Reddit who seek the same thing claim that there are almost no good men to choose from (most matches seek casual sex, are incompatible or creepy)If you're going to refer to studies, you should cite them because measures of "emotional intelligence" are not uniform like blood pressure or cholesterol levels. But more importantly, that doesn't actually relate to my point. I’m not making a claim about men’s abstract emotional intelligence scores on average. I’m talking about the way women experience male behavior on the apps. The obvious fact is that most people are unreliable narrators about how they come across when they want something. And… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 03/06/26 03:47 AM |
| 1 | Many men on Reddit who seek long-term relationships claim that OLD is not working out for them (barely any likes, matches or dates), many women on Reddit who seek the same thing claim that there are almost no good men to choose from (most matches seek casual sex, are incompatible or creepy)That's perfectly fine when you're talking about hair color and height. But like I said, I'm in my 30s, and I'm not someone putting "blue eyes 6ft or swipe left" in my bio. But there is a lot of relevant information that gets ignored, and these are clear compatibility signals that I have put in my bio intentionally so that men could make this decision for themselves and swipe left. My bio says "no kids / don't want kids" and so any man who wants biological children of his own should swipe left. M… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 03/06/26 02:13 AM |
| 0 | Many men on Reddit who seek long-term relationships claim that OLD is not working out for them (barely any likes, matches or dates), many women on Reddit who seek the same thing claim that there are almost no good men to choose from (most matches seek casual sex, are incompatible or creepy)Starting with the blind spam swiping: I'm in my 30's and live in a fairly large city. I'm fit, don't have kids, don't want kids, and I have a solid career - so I will have some appeal in this dating market. So I realistically should be getting ~1-3 likes a week. But a 30-something bespectacled brunette should NEVER be receiving over a dozen likes every single day. At least two thirds of the men who swipe on me should have opted-out. If they had simply taken the time to actually read the ~300 wor… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/06/26 11:03 PM |
| 1 | Many men on Reddit who seek long-term relationships claim that OLD is not working out for them (barely any likes, matches or dates), many women on Reddit who seek the same thing claim that there are almost no good men to choose from (most matches seek casual sex, are incompatible or creepy)In my experience being "a good man" has nothing to do with anything at all. Being "a good man" does not make you dateable. Nearly every man in the world will say that he's a good man and so it's not hard to find one. The issue is that it is hard to find a man who is stable, steady, and can regulate his own emotions. So for the time being I have chosen singledom because I'd rather be alone and have calm and peace than have lots of "attention" and "options" who all want me to be their emotional ca… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/06/26 09:44 PM |
| – | Society is 'equal' everywhere except the expensive, high-risk part where men have to auditionTry this: The point is that I'm not going to go out with everyone who asks me out. No one is. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/05/26 04:57 PM |
| – | The current Dating environment is made/controlled by woman and they absolutely hate it and wont take agency.Not in the 35+ cohort and I definitely am not a "girl." | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/05/26 04:54 PM |
| 2 | Society is 'equal' everywhere except the expensive, high-risk part where men have to auditionPerhaps it's generic because it's the reality that conveniently gets ignored and overlooked by men in this space. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/05/26 04:52 PM |
| 11 | Society is 'equal' everywhere except the expensive, high-risk part where men have to auditionMy point from the very beginning is that the issue is not about making things equal because that's not equality. These are different words with different meanings. When both the risk and benefit profiles are asymmetrical, trying to make the investment equal is not actually creating equality. Women are absorbing more risk in the dating market and men are getting more benefit to being partnered. Men have to invest more in order to demonstrate that they are actually attempting to partner up. So yes… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/05/26 04:55 AM |
| 17 | Society is 'equal' everywhere except the expensive, high-risk part where men have to auditionI think you missed the part in which I gave the exact reason why women look for men to do this and why we don't do it for you. Men are expected to show some initiative as a form of demonstrating intention. Someone who's just trying to get laid will take the path of least resistance. The issue isn't a equality. The issue is that women have to filter out men who do not have our best intentions in mind. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/05/26 04:28 AM |
| – | The current Dating environment is made/controlled by woman and they absolutely hate it and wont take agency.I don't believe that to be the case for everyone. Some people might be willing to get into a relationship if the right person came along, but there are a lot of us who are happily single because we see no benefit to partnering up. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/05/26 04:26 AM |
| 7 | Society is 'equal' everywhere except the expensive, high-risk part where men have to auditionNo one should have ever had the expectation that dating be equal. Equality is not the same thing as equalness. But I completely disagree that the obvious option is to go towards the manosphere that's just the easiest option. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/05/26 04:07 AM |
| 18 | Society is 'equal' everywhere except the expensive, high-risk part where men have to auditionYes, and dating is something in which there is asymmetrical benefit and asymmetrical risk. Women should be paid the same wages for doing the same work in the workplace. However, dating is a space in which different people have different goals and have different risks and have different benefit structures. If you don't want to make a dinner reservation, you don't have to - just don't be mad that some women are going to walk away because you didn't focus on her experience. It is unreasonable for a… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/05/26 04:01 AM |
| 26 | Society is 'equal' everywhere except the expensive, high-risk part where men have to auditionMen are expected to show some initiative as a form of demonstrating intention. Someone who's just trying to get laid will take the path of least resistance. The issue isn't a equality. The issue is that women have to filter out men who do not have our best intentions in mind. And sexual activity carries bodily, social, and long-term risks for women that it does not carry for men. The fact that you have to make a dinner reservation is not oppression, my guy. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/05/26 03:12 AM |
| – | The current Dating environment is made/controlled by woman and they absolutely hate it and wont take agency.How have you turned the idea that men want something more than women do into women are the buyers? Happy singles are saying that we don't want this offering at all. So in what universe are the people saying "we don't want this and we are fine without it" actually the buyers? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/05/26 02:18 AM |
| 2 | If the orgasm gap wasn’t a thing and you orgasmed every single time you slept with someone, would you increase your casual encounters more?The orgasm gap isn't just about orgasms. It's about overall care. There should still be decency, honesty, consent and aftercare. There's an imbalance of pleasure, but there's also a lot of men who lie to get sex and men who don't recognize that women are in fact people too and require a little bit of care. I'm already someone who has casual sex - not one night stands but I don't need to be in a committed relationship to have sex with a man. I have partners that are similar to a FWB situation. Th… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 15/05/26 07:51 PM |
| 5 | What is the average female sexual experience like?Most men will treat foreplay like an irritating loading screen that they need to try to bypass as quickly as possible. Men are often very focused on "being good" rather than responding to the woman in the room with them. Women's bodies respond differently to the same stimulation and most men do not know how to adapt and adjust and be attuned to a partner. So the whole thing becomes an endeavor in ego management and making him feel good about his performance and whether or not it was really hot s… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 15/05/26 07:39 PM |
| 2 | I find it EXTREMELY hard to sympathize with most of women's dating woes.A date is just the most efficient and direct way of doing that without any ambiguity about interest You're assuming that people can actually just generate interest without having a conversation first. I'm saying spend time talking to them (texting for a few days, maybe a call) and then going on a date. I don't accept dates with someone that I'm not interested in and I'm not going to get interested by just six pictures and a few sentences on a bio. There has to be some conversation online first. … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/05/26 04:55 PM |
| 3 | I find it EXTREMELY hard to sympathize with most of women's dating woes.Easier, but not exactly ideal. Quality control is still an issue. Everyone wants good sex but women also want to make sure the man isn't going to try to slip the condom of halfway through. Nobody's living in a delightful paradise. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/05/26 04:00 PM |
| 10 | I find it EXTREMELY hard to sympathize with most of women's dating woes.Where's your effort, the standards you have to live up to, where does the man's time and value of his body or whatever fit into all this? What are you providing? The perception among women is that just by letting him take you out and pay for you, you're doing an enormous favour. If a woman's company is not providing any benefit to you, then why are you mad that it's hard to come by? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/05/26 05:07 AM |
| 9 | I find it EXTREMELY hard to sympathize with most of women's dating woes.I actually do have empathy for it and I completely understand that men are expected to conform to ideas around masculinity that keep changing and their behavior is monitored. However, this was not a discussion on whether or not gender roles are harmful. You started out by saying that women's standards are too high. You're missing the fact that dating is about a demonstration of effort early on for men in order to secure long-term benefit. It is absolutely not the case that women's comfort is the… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/05/26 04:28 AM |
| 2 | I find it EXTREMELY hard to sympathize with most of women's dating woes.I feel the latter situation describes many women these days. Maybe on social media but not in the real world. But the fact is it's not really about the meal. It's about whether or not the man prioritizes the woman's experience, or if he's just looking out for himself. If you want someone to view you as partnership material then planning a date is a great way to show that you can think about other people's wants/needs, make a decision, follow through, and show up. Early dates are demonstration ev… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/05/26 04:01 AM |
| 2 | I find it EXTREMELY hard to sympathize with most of women's dating woes.This doesn't work because you're reducing compatibility to an interview rather than effortful courtship. If a man wants to get to know you he should spend some time talking with you and then plan a date that you might enjoy because you have similar interests. But expecting women to add another errand on their list in order to meet with you and guage compatibility is nonsense. If you think the date should be where compatibility is gauged but women won't go on a date with you, the solution is NOT … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/05/26 02:38 AM |
| 4 | I find it EXTREMELY hard to sympathize with most of women's dating woes.the vast majority of quiet, stable, safe, relationship seeking men are invisible They're not necessarily invisible because of their lack of desire for a relationship. But just because they want a relationship does not mean that they are capable of being in one. A lot of things that most women look for in early dating are signals of partnership material and it has nothing to do with the shallow interpretation that many men assign it. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/05/26 02:32 AM |
| 18 | I find it EXTREMELY hard to sympathize with most of women's dating woes.Your premise assumes that these women would be better off with a person who is below their standards. You're basing this on the idea that anyone is better than no one, when in reality, standards exist for a reason. Proximity to a man is not inherently beneficial to women and if someone has identified what they need in a partner, it's perfectly valid for them to be frustrated when there is a shortage of men willing to put in the effort. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/05/26 02:26 AM |
| 1 | I find it EXTREMELY hard to sympathize with most of women's dating woes.that it's way harder for men and they are one doing the majority of the work and a lot still don't get consistent results That's the problem with the mindset. You think that if you put in the effort there should be some guaranteed result. That is the mindset that sends women screaming "entitled!" Putting in the work doesn't guarantee a result when it comes to dating and romance because women are not a resource being distributed. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/05/26 02:19 AM |
| 2 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKYou're missing the point about the difference between actual institutional oppression and societal pressure. Rejection is not oppression. I'm not denying that societal pressure sucks. But you still have agency. If you don't want to conform to rigid societal expectations for masculinity then I support you in rejecting that role. But you are not being oppressed by women who won't date you. People having personal preference and rejecting those who don't meet those standards are not oppressing anyon… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 04:55 PM |
| 4 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKI don't follow your point. Are you suggesting that men today are somehow being denied things that they ought to be rightfully entitled to? Because back then women were trying to overcome actual institutional oppression. And they did grow and adapt, and brought about the feminist movement. So now women cannot be denied things like checking accounts or education simply on the basis of gender. What is it that you are being denied simply because you're a man? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 03:52 PM |
| 1 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKYes people can advocate for societal change but that's not what's happening in this thread. There are plenty of women who are happy to discuss pain points, myself included. But that discussion requires that men are willing to hear that some of these pain points exist for a reason, and it's not all just women being self-indulgent. Relationships require effort. But when the discussion is just men asserting "I don't like this. It's too much work and I don't want to do it," then, yes, opting out is … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 03:44 PM |
| 3 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKFeelings aren't facts. You've got it backwards. u/HalfwaydonewithEarth wasn't projecting anything. She was naming a very real pattern that women who date men come across all the time: The entitled, self-important, petulant, lazy dudes. When it comes to relationships, goodness is relational. So being a "good guy" by your own self-definition (whether that's job, appearance, values, etc) does not guarantee a partner. Relationships require reciprocal effort put towards the other person. It's not abo… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 01:46 PM |
| 1 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKPretty sure I'm not. Feel free to enlighten me by making an actual point. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 01:25 PM |
| 3 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKBy refusing to cushion them? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 01:24 PM |
| 8 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKYes, and here we have the "logical rational" gender expecting there to be some magical third option in which reality is declared unfair and rearranges itself around male discomfort. But adapt or opt-out are the only options. I thought this was supposed to be a debate space, didn't realize we had switched into a feelings-share sub. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 12:16 PM |
| 4 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKNobody's holding opposing views. This is about character and personality traits. A man who demonstrates laziness, entitlement, and petulance is usually considered unattractive. Getting defensive and throwing out insults is not appealing. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 11:09 AM |
| 1 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKI never suggested you were trying to seek my approval. But just because you are not capable of clearing the bar does not mean that the bar has been set too high. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 02:14 AM |
| 2 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKIt's also just a kinder way of saying that absolutely no one here is confused as to why you're struggling to find a woman who will date you. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 02:08 AM |
| 1 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKI think you're confusing the word projection with "pattern recognition." | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 02:03 AM |
| 7 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKOkay so you are confident in your assessment that men have it harder. When faced with a challenge, you have two options: give up or grow into someone who is capable of meeting the challenge. What's left to debate? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 01:57 AM |
| 8 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKUnless you're trans, I'm not sure how you can say that with such confidence. Lame dudes and fuckboys are barely the tip of the iceberg and you really have no idea what it's like on the other side. But at the end of the day it doesn't matter who has it worse because dating is hard for everyone. But if you don't want to do the work you don't have to, no one is forcing you to find a relationship. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 01:41 AM |
| 12 | Dating for straight men is entirely TOO MUCH WORKPartnership requires effort up front and throughout the entire relationship. If you feel like that is too much work, and what you would get in return is worth the effort, then don't date. No one is forcing you to participate in a social dynamic that you find miserable. If you're happy being single, then be single. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/04/26 01:36 AM |
| 1 | A lot of feminist identifying women are red-pillers when it comes to male gender roles.Right but feminism allows for personal choice so no one is anti-feminist for having certain expectations of a partner. The line is about saying that someone should do something because it's "the man's job" or "woman's job" to do something. But there's nothing anti-feminist about a woman saying that she wants a partner who does certain things, even if they are typically gender-coded. You don't have to like it and you're free to complain about it, but it's not hypocrisy to have personal standards … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 07/04/26 09:31 PM |
| 2 | A lot of feminist identifying women are red-pillers when it comes to male gender roles.Not necessarily. Occasionally the stigma has to do with masculinity but not in every single case. Stigma is a negative perception that is not based upon clear facts. It's all myth and emotion, not knowledge. So no matter what you're talking about (race, sexuality, gender, mental illness, disability, etc) stigma is never rooted in just one clean clear cause and it never has one clean clear meaning. Yes, masculinity policing is real but it is far from the entirety of the bias against bisexual men.… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 07/04/26 08:43 PM |
| 1 | A lot of feminist identifying women are red-pillers when it comes to male gender roles.I have dated several bisexual men and I know from what they've shared with me about the types of experiences you're referring to. I'm not denying that it was painful and wrong. And the unfortunate thing is that bisexuality is misunderstood - because it's represented horrifically in popular culture. But not wanting to conform to gender roles is very different from sexual orientation. And a woman having preferences/expectations around gender roles in her own relationship is not necessarily biphobi… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 07/04/26 07:39 PM |
| 3 | A lot of feminist identifying women are red-pillers when it comes to male gender roles.I agree with certain aspects of your stance, but not the conclusion you're drawing from the information. I agree that there is a serious bias against bisexual men. But I do have a few caveats to that. The fact is most people simply don't understand that sexuality is a spectrum, and they also don't understand how gender identity and sexual identity interact. Further, most people do not understand the difference between a sexual orientation and a sexual preference or kink. Regardless of gender, bi… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 07/04/26 07:26 PM |
| – | Young men should be taught about difficult ways of self-pleasure.What exactly do you want to debate here? What if boys were taught advanced edging techniques as empathy training? Because it really just looks like you had a weird wank and wrote a white paper. Props for sharing your experience, but as a possible public policy, this is straight up bonks. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 07/04/26 06:31 PM |
| – | Young men should be taught about difficult ways of self-pleasure.Let's be fair. He has at least brought a little dose of unity to this space. It's nice when all pills and all genders can agree on something even when it's just: "what fresh hell is this?" | /r/PurplePillDebate | 07/04/26 03:58 PM |
| – | Young men should be taught about difficult ways of self-pleasure.There are public school teachers in the US teaching health classes who believe that the female orgasm is a myth. In many states, the safe sex talk is "don't have sex." Absolutely nobody's talking about pleasure here. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 07/04/26 03:52 PM |
| 1 | The dieing off Clubs and Bars, makes dating even worse for the average Man. It killed a playing Field where you could do good by just putting in the work. In general "Approaching" in any form has lost its value, which leads us to a more "winner takes all" Market.Are you actually unaware of these third spaces for singles/meetups or are you just looking for me to list them so that you can dismiss them? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 28/03/26 07:37 PM |
| 0 | The dieing off Clubs and Bars, makes dating even worse for the average Man. It killed a playing Field where you could do good by just putting in the work. In general "Approaching" in any form has lost its value, which leads us to a more "winner takes all" Market.So, when you were accusing me of gaslighting you were actually suggesting that I've been messing with your lanterns? My mistake. You haven't actually stated an opinion, claim, or point that anyone could disagree with. You're free to disagree but you haven't actually stated a position just declared mine invalid. So if you wanted to disagree then go ahead and say something real. What is the fallacy in my comment? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 28/03/26 07:23 AM |
| 0 | The dieing off Clubs and Bars, makes dating even worse for the average Man. It killed a playing Field where you could do good by just putting in the work. In general "Approaching" in any form has lost its value, which leads us to a more "winner takes all" Market.Weaponizing therapy language goes in the emotionally immature bucket. What else you got? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 28/03/26 05:15 AM |
| -1 | The dieing off Clubs and Bars, makes dating even worse for the average Man. It killed a playing Field where you could do good by just putting in the work. In general "Approaching" in any form has lost its value, which leads us to a more "winner takes all" Market.Often the point of this chatter is to encourage men towards some growth and self improvement beyond "hit the gym." You don't have to sympathize with any narrative. Good enough to just NOT be lazy, toxic, and emotionally immature. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 28/03/26 04:59 AM |
| 1 | The dieing off Clubs and Bars, makes dating even worse for the average Man. It killed a playing Field where you could do good by just putting in the work. In general "Approaching" in any form has lost its value, which leads us to a more "winner takes all" Market.I see a few problems with your analysis. The Problem i see is, if we eliminate reallife Funnels completely many Men will be destined to have huge Problems dating wise. There's not an elimination of real life funnels happening. Other funnels still exist however they are structured differently than a bar/club and notably women are not intoxicated. There are in fact many environments, groups, and settings specifically designed for people to meet one another - But the problem is that you have to sho… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 28/03/26 04:47 AM |
| 8 | Q4women would you date a trans guy?The person you were replying to was pointing out that the word TERF is used as an insult inappropriately. Inclusion does not invalidate personal sexual preferences, nor does it erase women's history. But there are folks who have no problem calling you a TERF if you try to defend either. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 27/03/26 05:31 AM |
| 1 | Men are entitled to sex.To me it suggests a decision to do something you are able to do. Not necessarily. You're focused on women withholding sex but imagine a situation with a man who is struggling with erectile dysfunction because he is intensely, stressed and exhausted. Or because he is feeling overly criticized and feels like sex will just be one more thing he's failing at. He's physiologically not capable of doing something because of his psychological and emotional state at that moment. So, following that same lo… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/03/26 11:32 PM |
| – | What Is the cause for lack of empathy for men's dating problems?What privileges are you talking about? And you didn't answer the core question. How exactly are women supposed to fix these problems for men? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/03/26 11:20 PM |
| 1 | Men are entitled to sex.You're right that most well-adjusted women do not withhold sex. But when there's a breakdown in other areas of the relationship, women's libido is one of the first things to go. This phenomenon is why you hear women say things like, "laundry is foreplay." So the man could look elsewhere for sex or he could look at his own behavior. And of course talk with his wife and actually listen to what she has to say and hear her out. Because if his wife is not showing up for him in the bedroom, there's a … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/03/26 06:46 PM |
| 3 | Men are entitled to sex.I'm not going to question your parenting style but I disagree with this framework being applied to a marriage. Parents are in an authority position and have to make those decisions unilaterally and set expectations for their children. But that is not how partnership functions. Regardless of gender, if one partner is unwilling to engage in physical intimacy with the other partner, they need to jointly find a solution. It would be wildly inappropriate for one partner to say to the other, "I expect… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/03/26 03:20 PM |
| 2 | Men are entitled to sex.Why would it not be cheating? ENM exists as an option for couples who struggle with intimacy but the "ethical" aspect of it is critical. If one person is unable or unwilling to engage in intimacy, then the other person is free to start a conversation around opening up the relationship sexually to other people. It's not cheating if all parties are informed and consenting to the arrangement and there are clear boundaries protecting each individual. But deceit is deceit. And there is nothing that j… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/03/26 02:30 PM |
| 3 | What Is the cause for lack of empathy for men's dating problems?💯 And just to add: dating a man with this victim mindset is absolutely miserable. They're not interested in meeting the needs of their partner, and anytime you bring anything up they will argue how hard they're trying or they will defend their intentions - but they will simply never recognize the impact of their actions. And typically they're the ones who end up ending the relationship with some martyrdom "you deserve better" exit. Agency is where it's at. Dudes can struggle without feeling pers… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/03/26 01:54 PM |
| 3 | What Is the cause for lack of empathy for men's dating problems?Women absolutely can fix men's dating problems How exactly are we supposed to fix mens' dating problems? We can give a shit about men's problems but that doesn't obligate us to be the solution. My time, energy, and attention is not a communal resource and I'm allowed to put it towards the relationships that I choose. It doesn't mean I don't care about the men who are struggling. So how exactly could I be the solution here? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/03/26 01:49 PM |
| 1 | What Is the cause for lack of empathy for men's dating problems?Part of the problem is that men often use the word empathize incorrectly. Many women DO empathize with men in the situation you've described and do deeply feel for these men. But empathy is not about feeling a sense of responsibility or obligation. And that's where the line gets blurred in many of these conversations. Because often, people use the word empathize when they mean "feel responsible/guilty." Some men approach these conversations with the mindset that if a woman really understands how… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/03/26 01:32 PM |
| – | We live in the most competetive Dating Market off all time, and it isnt even close.Past vs present And in what way are women not earning relationships? Or are you just ignoring the work women are doing because you expect it. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 07/03/26 09:27 PM |
| 1 | We live in the most competetive Dating Market off all time, and it isnt even close.This is a conversation about the past versus today. And my whole point was that women have always had to earn relationships (the past and today). In the past, women had to earn relationships while men were granted them. Today men also have to earn them. You can be mad that I'm talking about the past except for the fact that my whole point was that women had to earn shit in the past that men didn't and now men also have to earn it. If you don't like the clarity of the answer, then consider whethe… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 03/03/26 04:59 PM |
| 1 | We live in the most competetive Dating Market off all time, and it isnt even close.Have you ever experienced pregnancy, childbirth, and mothering children? In an era in which women were not permitted to get a mortgage or a line of credit their only option was to mother that man's children. At this time they were also marital exceptions to most rape laws so women did not have the right to consent to their husbands. And they were responsible for all of the home economics. Plus she had to look good to make him look good. If that doesn't seem like work to you - try it sometime. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 03/03/26 04:44 PM |
| 1 | We live in the most competetive Dating Market off all time, and it isnt even close.No one's claiming to be a prize. The point is that women have always had to earn this while men were granted it. Now men have to earn relationships too. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 03/03/26 04:13 PM |
| 1 | We live in the most competetive Dating Market off all time, and it isnt even close.Of course women have to earn a relationship - and work to keep it. The difference is that we've always had to. We have more options in the way we do this now, that's the only difference for us. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 03/03/26 04:13 PM |
| 11 | We live in the most competetive Dating Market off all time, and it isnt even close.I disagree that it's the hardest. You said so yourself: having a Family and being married was a "automatic" process back in the day. Ending alone was only Possible if u had EXTREME handicaps. 4'3 in height, mental illness etc. Every normal Guy had a automatic "he will have a Family" Pipeline with 0 Effort. The fact that you have to put in more than zero effort doesn't make it the hardest. It's just the first time you've actually had to try. If you want a relationship now you have to earn it and … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 03/03/26 04:50 AM |
| 1 | Most women have no desire to use their bodies to soothe the egos of insecure men.You're not a villain, you're just not willing to engage in good faith debate in which there are actual definitions and standards. You're unhappy with your situation and that makes sense, but there's no logical debate to be had in a frame in where you're letting your feelings set the definitions. Systematic oppression is not measured in how badly the marginalized people feel. You believe that in the future you'll be proven right - So what else is there? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 03/03/26 12:27 AM |
| 2 | Most women have no desire to use their bodies to soothe the egos of insecure men.You're angry and you are desperate to find a villain to point that anger towards rather than dealing with the fact that sometimes it sucks to be short. Good luck with all that - and try not to take it for granted that no one is trying to legislate your rights away. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/03/26 11:41 PM |
| 2 | Most women have no desire to use their bodies to soothe the egos of insecure men.I'm not defending calling people names, and I never have been. My pushback is entirely on the idea around a false equivalency comparing insults about height to racism or homophobia. And yes, when we are talking about systemic bias - which is absolutely is a topic of sociology. Body shaming is bad. Short jokes are lazy and rude. But that is absolutely NOT the same thing as systemic oppression. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/03/26 11:14 PM |
| 2 | Most women have no desire to use their bodies to soothe the egos of insecure men.Discrimination is when a system bars you from opportunity. It's a result of bias towards something that is irrelevant to the process, such as being denied a mortgage because of the color of your skin. Rejection is when individuals exercise choice. Personal preferences matter when dating because we are talking about partnership. Lifestyle compatibility and sexual appeal matter. The fact that some women prefer tall men does not mean that they feel that you are somehow "less than." You're projectin… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/03/26 11:08 PM |
| 2 | Most women have no desire to use their bodies to soothe the egos of insecure men.I'm not insulting you. I'm pointing out the absurdity of framing this as some sort of oppressive system. I say this as a woman who doesn't date tall guys (my partner is 5'7"). My dad, brothers, and cousins are all in the 5'6" - 5'9" range. I'm well aware of what life can be like when you're a man living life in a stocky frame. But when you exaggerate the severity of this in order to create false equivalencies, you risk alienating the very people (like me) who are naturally inclined to defend you… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/03/26 10:32 PM |
| 1 | Most women have no desire to use their bodies to soothe the egos of insecure men.Well good for you for not seeking out content that has been shared without consent. But that does not somehow change the fact that men send unsolicited dick pics. Those men are not being victimized - they are the ones who are exposing themselves. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/03/26 07:54 PM |
| 1 | Most women have no desire to use their bodies to soothe the egos of insecure men.Looking up terms that have a meaning in sociology in the Webster dictionary is going to lead you down some unfortunate paths (such as this one). | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/03/26 07:28 PM |
| 1 | Most women have no desire to use their bodies to soothe the egos of insecure men.A slur is meant to disparage a specific group or class of people based upon an identity marker. Height is in no way the same thing as race or sexual orientation. You can take issue with body shaming but when you reach and try to create a false equivalency it undermines your argument because that claim lacks seriousness. There is no discrimination occurring here. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/03/26 07:01 PM |
| 0 | Most women have no desire to use their bodies to soothe the egos of insecure men.For the vast majority of women, including myself, we will only ever know what a man's dick looks like because he either tells us or shows us. I'm 38 and in my entire life I've never gotten the deets on somebody's D from someone other than the dude himself. How exactly is that victim blaming? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/03/26 06:57 PM |
| 0 | Most women have no desire to use their bodies to soothe the egos of insecure men.How is what you're saying right now not an insult to men? I know plenty of men who are not depraved enough to stick their dick into anything. So why are you the one that's being reductive right now? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/03/26 06:40 PM |
| 3 | Most women have no desire to use their bodies to soothe the egos of insecure men.Those women get stuff like "Chair of the itty bitty titty committee." | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/03/26 06:38 PM |
| 2 | Most women have no desire to use their bodies to soothe the egos of insecure men.Well, those people were oppressed. Come find us when your rights are being denied because of your height. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/03/26 06:36 PM |
| 1 | Most women have no desire to use their bodies to soothe the egos of insecure men.It happens occasionally but it's not nearly as big as a problem for men as it is for women. More often than not, there are things like blackmail rather than revenge porn. But it's not nearly as big of a problem for men, which is why women still receive unsolicited dick pics by the metric-shit-ton on dating apps. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/03/26 06:34 PM |
| 1 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthI have no idea why either, but I do know that it wasn't because I lack emotional intelligence or because I hadn't been to therapy. You don't know what it's like to navigate the conversational minefield that is talking to women on dating apps, so don't give me that shit. One or both of these statements is ✨intellectually dishonest ✨ My point in the previous comment was that you were not getting penalized for vulnerability, you were penalized for validation-seeking. Some women are looking for sale… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 19/02/26 05:27 PM |
| 1 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthI have no way of knowing why that woman unmatched with you. But since you have accused me of being dishonest I will be straight with you: that story is cringe af. If a woman is asking a man if he's done therapy, she's looking to see if he's developed the skills necessary for true partnership. Therapy is a place where you do work - it's not a place where you receive praise. That question is designed to elicit some character traits: Do you have the humility to talk about your flaws and what you're… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 17/02/26 11:27 PM |
| – | Why do women get annoyed when told it's easy for them to be attractive but it's not for men?Women Spend Roughly $300 More Than Men on Their Appearance Each Year | /r/PurplePillDebate | 17/02/26 06:16 AM |
| – | Why do women get annoyed when told it's easy for them to be attractive but it's not for men?Is annoying because it's a pointless comparison. Who cares if one gender has it harder or easier to become attractive? The difficulty will not change whether or not the other gender finds you attractive. Attraction is not a decision. It just happens so it's not like talking about who has it harder does any good for anyone. There's not some sort of Injustice here that could be remedied. And then when you sprinkle on the idea that I should be willing to let someone cut open my body, for "augmentat… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 17/02/26 06:13 AM |
| 1 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthThere are major problems with online dating and most men struggle with it. And I am 100% with you on validating that experience. But this poster is not attributing the problems to online dating, he's attributing them to women. What does not get any recognition is the fact that the apps create an environment that induces burnout in women. Going back to your original metaphor around being trapped in a room versus being able to politely decline: women can end a conversation on the apps easily and o… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 16/02/26 08:12 AM |
| 1 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthI knew exactly what you were replying to, but my point was to get you to consider what set your expectations about quantity/frequency and the frame of a date being something that you "get." The apps are not doordash for dates so you can't just set up a bio and expect some constant, reliable and consistent stream of dates on a timeline that you determine. And I did not suggest that you endure any amount of hardship. I simply pointed out that since you can't expect some immediate supply (because w… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 16/02/26 05:02 AM |
| 1 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthIf it would make men more reluctant to approach then I would absolutely love to be known as picky so that we would have fewer men blind swiping on the apps and calling it "optimization." I would be thrilled if more men to swipe left on my profile so that I'm only matching with people who are genuinely curious and interested in me. I would be absolutely delighted to give up 99% of my likes. But men know that women are "picky" on the apps and we have an abundance of likes, and yet whenever a woman… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 16/02/26 04:55 AM |
| 2 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthThen why are you suggesting that there should be some sort of social penalty for being a woman who has self-respect and is discerning about partners? You framed this as accountability - but actual accountability means being responsible for your own actions and their consequences. Accountability does not mean reputational damage. Further, there was no misconduct or harm here and we are talking about behavior that you now claim to be supportive of. So what is your point? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 16/02/26 04:39 AM |
| 1 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthAnd it especially feels that way when the woman acts like you finding her attractive is disgusting or insulting There's no excuse for rudeness when rejecting someone, but that's all that is: rudeness. The unfortunate reality (as evidenced in the OP's post) is that sometimes women are incentivized to be rude because not everyone takes no for an immediate answer and they will continue to push. There are some men who will continue to badger even after you've let them know you're not interested and … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 16/02/26 04:19 AM |
| 1 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthRight, which is....a value/worth judgment Incorrect. You're projecting that onto their opinion, which is what I mean by outside gravity. A person who says "I do not want to have sex with you because I do not find you attractive," is saying that and only that. In your own mind, you are tying your own self-worth to this person's preference. They are not saying that you are not good enough for sex - that's your interpretation and it's incorrect. As the original commenter said, if it's everyone's op… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 16/02/26 01:03 AM |
| 1 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthIf you would like that relationship to be a romantic one that also includes a sexual dynamic, then yes, then physical attraction is important to compatibility. If a person doesn't find another person attractive, they are not saying: "You are unworthy of love and incapable of ever finding a compatible relationship." All they're simply saying is, I as one individual person, do not want to date you. Someone else might be interested, but this look does not appeal to me. It only becomes a worth issue… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 16/02/26 12:41 AM |
| 1 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthI think your original point was valid and accurate. Rejection is a good thing because it keeps you out of a dynamic that would be unfulfilling. I'd also add that rejection is information about compatibility and it's not a value assessment or a determination of someone's worth. Maybe it is more rough out there than I assume. Hope it improves for you bro. How rough it is is a matter of opinion and a matter of perspective. Online dating can be brutal If a person has unrealistic expectations for wha… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 15/02/26 10:32 PM |
| 2 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthwe aren't getting dates frequently enough That type of statement sounds less like a commentary on filtering and more like distress over abandonment. Referring to this as getting dates makes it seem like women are failing to meet a demand quota that we are obligated to supply. Adult romantic relationships are between two independent people who choose each other. It cannot be rushed and forced and no one is entitled to a certain number of dates on a certain schedule or timeline. Two adults choosin… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 15/02/26 10:20 PM |
| 3 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthHow do you filter out a man who is actively deceiving you? How do you filter out men who will use post-nut clarity and no promises to justify ghosting after sex? How do you filter out married men if they actively hide the fact that they have a wife? Why are you blaming women for men's bad behavior? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 15/02/26 09:50 PM |
| 2 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthWomen do say this and men tell us that we don't tell the truth. So have you done everything that women have said men should be doing if they want to be ready for partnership? Do you take care of yourself and your body? Are you self-sufficient and independent? Have you gone to therapy and developed the emotional skills required for actual connection? I would have absolutely zero problem with the general public knowing exactly what I filter for. I think that men wouldn't like knowing that informat… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 15/02/26 09:43 PM |
| 2 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthAnd what is wrong with that? I don't exist for male consumption, so I'm perfectly happy to be known as a woman who is picky. I'm not walking around looking for a man to approve of me and use me. And it's not my job to make sure that every man feels loved and adored. Women are looking for partners and there is nothing wrong with being discerning about who possibly gets to fill that role in our lives. Where does accountability come into this? No one is doing anything wrong by "being picky." | /r/PurplePillDebate | 15/02/26 09:40 PM |
| 7 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthShe's pointing out that you're using the word accountability when what you mean is coercion. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 15/02/26 03:45 PM |
| 14 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthBut according to OP we are brutally unhinged. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 15/02/26 03:38 PM |
| 11 | Many dont refuse OLD Points not because its "something different" they refuse it becouse its shows the unfiltered truthYour choice to publicly wave your entitlement flag is bold. But you're also acting like this is some kind of evil and nefarious plot that you've uncovered when the entire premise of an app like Bumble was that women were put in control of how the conversation started and would always have the power to end it. You're correct that in the real world men can keep talking and that's called harassment. Men not taking "No thank you" as a sufficient answer is why many women don't like getting approached… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 15/02/26 03:16 PM |
| – | Generally speaking, men never get to reveal "relationship skills" to women. They get filtered out long before that. This drives a lot of male romantic loneliness.I can't speak to what works in person because a lot of women, myself included, do not like being approached in public. Some do, but some don't. But I don't know what the bar is for those women because it's always a no for me. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/02/26 12:57 AM |
| – | Generally speaking, men never get to reveal "relationship skills" to women. They get filtered out long before that. This drives a lot of male romantic loneliness.I don't understand the assumption that lack of confidence and charisma is why those men are being filtered out. First of all, are you talking about matching with people in the first place or filtering/unmatching occurring during a conversation? Or are you talking about meeting people in person? Because it seems like you're talking about competing with other men rather than connecting with a woman. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/02/26 07:21 PM |
| – | Generally speaking, men never get to reveal "relationship skills" to women. They get filtered out long before that. This drives a lot of male romantic loneliness.I'm not sure I follow what you're trying to say. It seems like you've simply summarized don't judge a book by its cover, but we are talking about dating/sex so you can't deny people the ability to care somewhat about physical appearance. If we're talking about the dating apps then the good guys need to fill out their bio and the women who don't care much about appearances will focus on that. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/02/26 05:46 PM |
| – | Generally speaking, men never get to reveal "relationship skills" to women. They get filtered out long before that. This drives a lot of male romantic loneliness.The friendzone is not a punishment. I'm not sure why a woman feeling like this man is the type of person she'd like to have as a friend is regarded as a bad thing. Further, that comment completely undermines your original stance - because in order for him to end up in the friendzone she'd have to actually spend time talking to him. Your whole point was that women don't speak to men unless we find them physically attractive. Lastly, you can choose who you want to be friends with, but people canno… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/02/26 05:20 PM |
| – | Generally speaking, men never get to reveal "relationship skills" to women. They get filtered out long before that. This drives a lot of male romantic loneliness.That combination is usually described as "earnestness." A man who is a little bit awkward but obviously really well-intentioned can be incredibly endearing to certain women. I might be misunderstanding your point but I'm simply saying that what women find charming is not going to be uniform because we all are attracted to different things. I'm simply pushing back against the idea that anyone who is charismatic and confident is automatically an asshole. They could just be whole. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/02/26 04:29 PM |
| – | Generally speaking, men never get to reveal "relationship skills" to women. They get filtered out long before that. This drives a lot of male romantic loneliness.I won't say that that's not what's happening but I would suggest that you not try to date those people. But if you feel that all women everywhere look down on you then that might be a distortion or projection, which is worth exploring. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/02/26 04:02 PM |
| – | Generally speaking, men never get to reveal "relationship skills" to women. They get filtered out long before that. This drives a lot of male romantic loneliness.I'm not pretending perception doesn't affect dating. My argument is that making assumptions about how you are perceived is part of the problem. If you assume that someone is looking down on you, then you are the one who is creating inequity and imbalance. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/02/26 03:20 PM |
| – | Generally speaking, men never get to reveal "relationship skills" to women. They get filtered out long before that. This drives a lot of male romantic loneliness.I think she was asking genuine questions and they are valid questions. If you feel that you require external support from other people, it's not wrong for someone to ask for some specifics. Just being able to state plainly: Here's what I need from a partner, here's what it would provide me, and here's why I cannot obtain it independently. I personally didn't see anything attacking or blaming in her questions and I'm curious as to the answer as well. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/02/26 03:02 PM |
| – | Generally speaking, men never get to reveal "relationship skills" to women. They get filtered out long before that. This drives a lot of male romantic loneliness.I'm not denying that attraction changes people's perception of a person's qualities. But that's human nature. I do find it interesting that you are using examples of individuals who will primarily be begging for something. Dating is not charity. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/02/26 02:58 PM |
| – | Generally speaking, men never get to reveal "relationship skills" to women. They get filtered out long before that. This drives a lot of male romantic loneliness.Again, they absolutely can and I think that you are misunderstanding how women assess behavior in terms of the character traits it demonstrates. One of the critical differences is that kindness, openness, and genuineness will show up in how well a person listens, rather than how well they speak uninterrupted. Politicians and actors can be charismatic because they are speaking to an audience and they can be persuasive to that audience. But that is not the appropriate mindset to use when speaking … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/02/26 02:56 PM |
| – | Generally speaking, men never get to reveal "relationship skills" to women. They get filtered out long before that. This drives a lot of male romantic loneliness.How are you defining charisma and confidence though? You somehow seem to think that being kind, genuine, and honest would somehow not perceived as confident and charismatic. These traits are not opposites. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/02/26 08:39 AM |
| – | Generally speaking, men never get to reveal "relationship skills" to women. They get filtered out long before that. This drives a lot of male romantic loneliness.Your whole premise is based upon the idea that kindness, openness, empathy and the other desirable personality traits are somehow antithetical to charisma and confidence. That's completely inaccurate. It seems like you're confusing confidence with aloofness and charisma manipulation. But men who are honest and genuine and kind are some of the most charming men in the world. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/02/26 08:29 AM |
| 1 | CMV: Rejection is hotI hear you when you say that not receiving any matches is painful, but I struggle to understand exactly why this is so catastrophic to men. I don't understand what the expectation was with going onto the app in the first place that would make anyone feel like an abundance of matches would ever be a possibility. I'm not dunking on men. I'm just saying that for those of us in our 30's (men and women) - who among us has an abundance of free time in order to be talking to multiple people and going o… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 31/01/26 05:42 PM |
| 1 | CMV: Rejection is hotI've heard your argument plenty of times before, but what is always ignored in this is the timeline aspect. The whole aspect that men are forced to do this and it would have to be a full-time job only applies if there's an external timeline in which a date has to happen immediately and with a certain amount of frequency. Before the apps, people had 1-3 dates a year and everyone survived. And in the early days, women (myself included) were much more willing to go on a date. It's not just that the… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/01/26 09:22 PM |
| 1 | CMV: Rejection is hotIf that's what you have to tell yourself then go right ahead. But as an actual woman, and not a fictional creation that exists in someone else's imagination, I can't help but see some flaws in your logic. But whatever helps you get through 👍 | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/01/26 08:23 PM |
| 1 | CMV: Rejection is hotExpecting a man to actually take the time to read a bio is not an unreasonable expectation. I have taken the time to write and fill out a bio and it's perfectly fair to expect that the man read it before engaging in conversation with me. But yet 8/10 I'm asked what I'm looking for on Bumble. I have already provided that information. And yes, I think it is men's fault that they chose not to read because it is their choice. The information is there and available and they chose to bypass it. It's a… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/01/26 06:37 PM |
| 2 | CMV: Rejection is hotIt doesn't have to be approaching in public. It could just be about using the apps with intention. • Actually taking the time to fully read a bio before swiping • Assessing compatibility and not just attraction before swiping • Taking the time to actually fill out their own bio fully • Engaging in conversation in the chat that is grounded in curiosity and interest rather than urgency In summary, I just would like more men to use the apps as they are intended and not try to game the system. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/01/26 05:38 PM |
| 0 | CMV: Rejection is hotI agree it was not always like this. I'm just pushing back on the idea that women enjoy evaluating and rejecting men. There are "nice girls," of course. But the rest of us are trying to manage dating app burnout. I'm super stingy with my swipes now and I also take frequent and regular breaks from the apps because the entire system is completely out of whack. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/01/26 05:27 PM |
| 2 | CMV: Rejection is hotI'm a woman who absolutely does not want men to approach me in public, but to answer your question about what the incentive is: The incentive is giving the woman knowledge and awareness that you actually made an intentional choice. I don't agree with the OP's framing about "cowering" behind apps. The issue with the apps is that the approach is too easy, so we have users blind swiping massive numbers of women. This makes using the apps incredibly difficult because we can't tell who is actually be… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/01/26 05:11 PM |
| 0 | CMV: Rejection is hotI don't disagree with you that women need to take an equal share and things, but the problem is that on the apps, there are too many men who are not putting in effort into discernment. They are simply blind swiping massive amounts of women just to see what comes back. This practice makes the experience of the apps miserable for women. So it's not necessarily about getting back into gender roles - but it is about wanting men to be a little bit more intentional rather than opportunistic. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/01/26 04:38 PM |
| 1 | CMV: Rejection is hotIt's not that rejection is hotter. It's that the apps allow men to "approach" with absolutely zero intention. Blind swiping makes the apps miserable for women because far too many men are running optimization plays and they don't even bother to read the three sentences on a bio. I say this as a woman who absolutely does not like getting approached in public and would much rather meet someone on the app. The problem is that it's just far too difficult to figure out who actually looked at my profi… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/01/26 04:34 PM |
| 5 | Women shouldn't in most cases be allowed to accuse men of being lazy in the dating climate.You don't seem to be following the discussion here. I was responding specifically to the claim that passive men are somehow inherently safer than aggressive men. That is only true if you ignore all other forms of harm. I am simply saying that passivity does not equal safety when women are doing a risk assessment. And that catering to passive men would not somehow resolve all of women's safety concerns when dating. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 16/01/26 01:10 PM |
| 8 | Women shouldn't in most cases be allowed to accuse men of being lazy in the dating climate.I never said it couldn't. Just pointing out that a risk assessment that women are making should not be limited to physical harm. Emotional and psychological harm are real as well. And these types of harm are going to be committed by "passive men" as much as "aggressive men." But yes of course men have to do their own risk assessments. I'm not sure why you feel like a disclaimer was necessary on that. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 16/01/26 11:40 AM |
| 7 | Women shouldn't in most cases be allowed to accuse men of being lazy in the dating climate.That only makes sense if you completely ignore the entire realm of emotional harm and emotional damage. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 16/01/26 08:23 AM |
| 2 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipI'm 38. I'm perfectly aware that things change as you age 👍 | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/12/25 09:48 PM |
| 2 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipFirst, to clarify: when I said the patterns were gender-neutral, I wasn’t claiming men and women experience them the same way. I was saying both genders engage in the same unhealthy relational mindsets, and that one person will be harmed by it. That’s why the model is harmful across the board. Which brings us to everything else. You’re replying to a woman while describing women as a single, unified organism with one shared psyche, one set of motives, and one predictable behavioral pattern. If I’… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/12/25 07:30 PM |
| 2 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipI would have thought you'd figured that out by now. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/12/25 07:02 PM |
| 0 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipIt honestly sounds like you're looking for a trauma bond. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/12/25 10:03 AM |
| 1 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipI was describing a partnership based on love. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/12/25 05:28 AM |
| 1 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipIt's not about changing standards. It's about the two people entering the relationship with different relational mindsets. Yes, sex is an integral part of a relationship. But it doesn't replace other aspects of a healthy relationship. The actual problematic mindsets include: - Mistaking sexual attention for genuine appreciation and affection. - Partnering with people whose personality is tolerable, rather than actually enjoyable. - Viewing sex as transactional and earned through other relational… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/12/25 04:22 AM |
| 1 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipThere's another option in which the person is your partner. You stick together because you're a team and you work together. You don't need to be there, you choose to be there because they're your person. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/12/25 04:09 AM |
| 5 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipThe point is that having sex through dishonest means is why women don't trust men's word and make you prove your intentions. Men who hide behind "I didn't make any promises" use ambiguity to hide their lack of integrity. If you want casual sex and one night stands then, say so. There are women who are into that and are fine with it. But for those who aren't, should be given the truth so that they can walk away and not be used for your own gratification. And so to answer your question of "now wha… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/12/25 04:06 AM |
| 2 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipYou are going to need to make your point a bit less vague because I'm having trouble following all of your double negatives and implied roles? If you'd like to actually debate the subject, let's drop the rhetoric: What is the actual behavior and dynamic that you are trying to describe? And why is this a gender dynamic rather than an unhealthy relationship dynamic? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/12/25 02:14 AM |
| 1 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipI'm in the 30+ crowd and the world looks different on the other side. And yes, singledom is being celebrated because so many relationships are not actual partnerships but transactions. men have been told to stand down in that them making decisions is controlling, that’s why women have to make decisions The issue is that it's not a binary state. It's not a choice between passivity and controlling. Make decisions but when you make decisions, keep the other person in mind. If you don't know what th… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/12/25 12:09 AM |
| 1 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipYou've covered half. I'm assuming that you've selected these phrases because you've actually said these things to women. So now we know the "honest" things that you've said. What happened next? How did the women respond when you said these things out in the real world to real women? And at what point was punishment introduced and what did that look like? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 10/12/25 11:48 PM |
| 1 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipYou're going to have to give some actual examples. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 10/12/25 10:47 PM |
| 4 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipIf what you are saying was the entire truth "childless cat lady" wouldn't be a punch line that draws applause and laughter. There are societal expectations on both genders. Sure. There are some women who want men to treat them like princesses. The "I'm the prize type" type exists and they are obnoxious. But they don't represent the majority. There are many women, myself included, who really wish men would stop telling each other "Happy wife happy life." That mindset puts women in a position of h… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 10/12/25 10:41 PM |
| 1 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipWhat do you define as punishment? Because declining to have sex with a person is not punishment. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 10/12/25 09:22 PM |
| 0 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipHere's what I'm saying: If a man is dating a woman and justifies ghosting after sex by saying, "I told her no expectations, and she was into it. I didn't make any promises and I didn't force her," that is a man who lacks integrity and hides behind ambiguity. He didn't rape anyone and he did not commit sexual assault. But he is a scumbag and women should avoid him. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 10/12/25 07:42 PM |
| 3 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipThey aren't here to debate honestly, they are here to browbeat and manipulate men into changing society to benefit women and only women. Wouldn't being in a relationship with someone who you are compatible with and who you actually love be mutually beneficial? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 10/12/25 06:49 PM |
| 3 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipWhy exactly are you trying to police what other people do? As the OP stated from the start of the comment, women are blamed for male behavior on this subject. This is not about policing men. It's about eliminating the double standard. If a woman has sex with a man and he ghost afterwards, she is blamed. She was gullible. She should have known. If a man is resentful because his gf/wife has emotional needs and he is only entertaining the relationship because he wants access to sex, she is blamed. … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 10/12/25 06:15 PM |
| 1 | Access to sex is a terrible reason to form any serious kind of relationshipI completely agree that consent frameworks should include what happens after the sex. And it's maddening to me the way in which men often dismiss this as controlling or a woman trying to "lock down commitment." But then in the same breadth they will turn around and call a woman "gullible" when she gets ghosted and feels used. Honesty of intentions doesn't mean you can't decide to break up with someone later. It's not about making a promise, it's just about being continually honest. It's giving: … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 10/12/25 04:37 PM |
| 2 | QFW: Do you think it’s a bad thing that women are generally perceived and/or expected to be more “nurturing” and “caring”? Do you think it’s something men can learn from?Yes, this is a gendered expectation that is generally harmful to women. It can be advantageous in certain situations, but in the context of dating/relationships, I find it very problematic. Part of what makes this issue a difficult topic to discuss is that many men don't fully grasp the concept of "invisible labor." As you've written, it is actually visible when you pay attention to individual people, but it's called "invisible" because it is very easy to overlook and is rarely acknowledged. Inv… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 09/12/25 08:03 PM |
| 1 | Would You Take a Man's Treatment Without Becoming One?What actual interaction or treatment do you see that looks like "kid gloves" to you? I work in a male-dominated field, and I've always had additional expectations that didn't apply to my male colleagues. It's taken 15+ years to earn enough status and credibility just to start pushing back on some of it occasionally. This might be generational or geographic, or something else. And "suppression by sweetness" is a real phenomenon, too. So I'd love to hear more - I'm just curious about what you cons… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/12/25 01:58 PM |
| 1 | Would You Take a Man's Treatment Without Becoming One?No, I wouldn’t take a man's treatment because I don’t want gendered treatment at all. I want to be treated based on who I am, not on the category or template I've been assigned to and expected to fit into. That’s a reality I’d want for everyone. We live in a male-centric society. That doesn't mean men don’t suffer. It just means each gender absorbs a different set of pressures. Switching “treatment” would just be exchanging one set of gendered hardships for another. In a male-centric society, me… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/12/25 01:31 PM |
| 23 | Would You Take a Man's Treatment Without Becoming One?You read a thoughtful comment of a woman contemplating her own lost potential due to gendered expectations, and somehow interpreted her words as if you were the overlooked main character of this story. There was nothing in this comment minimizing male hardship. Just a comparison of the two different sets of expectations within the same household. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 08/12/25 12:39 PM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?This is far from an accurate representation of the mindset of women. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 07/12/25 04:37 AM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?No one is denying that you have a hard time. What we are challenging is the idea that you are without any agency here. You have two women engaging with you who are both trying to help you out of this situation because we know it's difficult. You've decided that because you are 5'5" and autistic no one would want to date you. u/Suspicious_Year_4958 explained that she works with autistic individuals and has insight she could offer from what she has seen professionally. I'm a woman who is currently… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 07/12/25 04:31 AM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?But you're also abdicating all personal agency over your own situation. You don't have to do that. But if you do, what is anyone supposed to say to you other than "Okay give up"? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 07/12/25 12:11 AM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?If you look at some of the other comments I've received in this thread, you might have a clearer understanding about why it's an uphill battle to get women to articulate this in online spaces. It's rare because acknowledging it but also refusing the obligation to solve it can be an invitation for grievance narratives. The other thing is that there are people who are attention seeking by default and they don't represent the majority. They're just very loud. It's rare to hear someone articulate it… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 06:52 PM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?Not trying to move the goal posts but I'm just going to add something that I should have put in my original comment. When I say women I am specifically talking about those who are at least 26 years old. I will admit that when you're talking about college-age men and women, things are a little different. These are individuals who have a limited understanding of other people because their understanding of themselves is still limited. They're in the stage of life when they are learning who they act… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 06:00 PM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?👍 | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 05:39 PM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?I didn't say anything about taking risks. I simply said that being inert doesn't make you a protector. The specific situations I'm talking about are things in which men are not asked to put themselves at risk and are not causing risk but could simply make women feel a little bit safer if they were more attuned. Stuff like not blocking the exits when you're alone with a woman who doesn't know you all that well. I'm saying that I respect men who make the effort to be aware of the safety concerns t… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 05:06 PM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?100% agreed. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 03:54 PM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?The height thing is a little bit manufactured by online spaces. The guy I'm dating right now is 5'5". And it's been a few years since I've dated anyone taller than 5'8". | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 03:52 PM |
| -2 | Q4M: Why do you ignore obvious social cues inviting you to approach?I wasn't responding to the YouTube video. I was responding to your first comment that described it as men who have the ability to read women. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 11:14 AM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?I said in a previous comment that it's not a logical decision. It's just an awareness of capacity. Some of it is social conditioning which you can call paranoia if you want. It's just a low level awareness in the back of your head. But I do think a lot of it has to do with lived experience. I'm a woman who has had men pick me up and carry me around and these were happy memories and happy moments. But that knowledge is in my head that I can be carried away against my will. And then exacerbated by… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 10:11 AM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?Here's what I understand. I see you saying essentially: “I know what men do better than the women who live around men.” Her comment was explicitly saying that men do not perceive themselves correctly. What they perceived to be friendly touch is not received as friendly touch. I expanded on this. And somehow you heard two women calling men predators. When we are simply describing the threat profile under which we live. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 09:23 AM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?She didn't call anyone a predator. She was pointing out that a man of an average stature is going to be threatening even if he doesn't perceive himself to be all that big. And I clarified that. Yeah, it's threatening even if the dude doesn't perceive himself to be a threat. And you might think that you know that men know this, but that's not true. The number of men who put their hands on my body without my consent is astronomical. But none of them view themselves as dangerous or threatening. Bec… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 09:11 AM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?Well, I think the pushback you're getting is because when she said average she meant average physically not massive hulking dudes. And that was obvious to most people who read it, but not you. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 08:47 AM |
| 0 | Q4M: Why do you ignore obvious social cues inviting you to approach?Attunement & Connection | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 08:43 AM |
| -7 | Q4M: Why do you ignore obvious social cues inviting you to approach?Being able to read women is also known as attunement which is a sign of emotional maturity. If a dude is in his twenties then yeah fuckboy is a high likelihood but if he's at least 30 then he might just actually be a real live grown man. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 08:26 AM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?I do think a lot of women understand the male perspective, but that doesn't mean that we should feel obligated to self-sacrifice in order to soothe. There are some who expect that understanding should translate into certain actions, which is why I asked what you would like to see. But of course yes, completely agreed - understanding is always beneficial. For example, I have a rule for myself that unless I'm absolutely miserable and there are major safety concerns, I always go on two dates with s… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 07:02 AM |
| 1 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultNot unintentional blinders - I very intentionally don't spend my time watching brain rot videos 😂 So if that's the type of thing you're talking about then I'm not going to go around policing women on social media. Like I'm just not giving them attention. At that point it's up to the viewer to be critical in what they're watching. I also don't see women's dating profiles because of my settings so I can't respond to those. But otherwise I don't know what other situation in which I'm supposed to be… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 06:50 AM |
| – | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?That makes sense. Thank you for clarifying. The idea that people are saying you're horrible for even wanting it is new to me though. How does that come across? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 06:46 AM |
| 2 | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?Good job job in informing me. I think you might have missed a lesson in effective decentering though. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 02:32 AM |
| 3 | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?So can you clarify what you mean around not wanting to engage with cultural concepts of romance? (Asked by a woman who is genuinely trying to understand what you're saying, not someone who is meeting you with contempt. I'm just not clear on what you're referring to) | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 12:27 AM |
| 6 | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?What specifically would you have women do differently? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 12:23 AM |
| 6 | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?Can you clarify what you mean when you say that it's due to things beyond your control? What do you define as controllable versus not? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 12:20 AM |
| 12 | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?I agree with this wholeheartedly. We understand the position that men are in, but that doesn't mean that we need to be obligated to lower our own standards and participate in self-sacrifice. Especially when we get hit on the other side that if we are unhappy it's because we "chose wrong." | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/12/25 12:16 AM |
| 3 | Once females become adults it’s probably too late to learn relationship skillsWhere are these mythical women complaining that they can't keep a man 😂 | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 11:57 PM |
| -1 | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?And you're not entitled to women's affection. So stop complaining about the male loneliness epidemic and how hard rejection is 🤷♀️ | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 11:57 PM |
| -6 | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?That's the opposite of being a threat is not just being inert. Too many men want praise for not being violent towards women. A man who is a true protector will protect all women, not just the woman he is currently sleeping with. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 11:19 PM |
| 4 | What's something you wish the opposite sex understood more about your experiences?I don't think they view it as a compliment, but I don't think the average man understand the way in which women are viscerally aware of threat dynamics. The average man who doesn't work a job involving dangerous members of the public likely hasn't had too many experiences in which he was physically threatened by another person in a calm environment. If there's a fight, it's clear that a fight is brewing. The danger is obvious and palpable in the air. But even in calm environments, I am aware of … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 11:17 PM |
| 1 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultYes, you have to accept that it's happening and you have to find a way to move on, but that doesn't mean minimize what has happened. It doesn't mean that the victim is at fault because they had a response to a traumatic event. People respond to situations differently. I'm a woman who takes public transit to work so I have been groped more times than I can count. That doesn't make what happened okay or something that I should just accept as a reality of life. It should never be acceptable to put … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 10:30 PM |
| 2 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultYour #2 is exactly what I'm saying about collapsing all women into one voice. You're just phrasing it another way, but we are entirely on the same page on that one. I can't speak to #1 exactly, because that doesn't apply to me. When I tell someone I'm not looking for a hookup that's me stating a boundary and it's me saying that I don't want them to pursue sex if they're not interested in a relationship. All I can say for that is that, women just like men, don't want to be perceived negatively. I… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 08:06 PM |
| 6 | Once females become adults it’s probably too late to learn relationship skillsHaving read through your comments, I think that a lot of your unhappiness has less to do with how girls are raised generally and more to do with your specific situation. Not all parents are good parents and that doesn't mean that society as a whole is permissive of certain behaviors in women. I hope things turn around and work out for you. Best of luck. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 06:16 PM |
| 7 | Once females become adults it’s probably too late to learn relationship skillsIf you had the option to switch roles with your wife tomorrow, would you take it? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 05:19 PM |
| 4 | Once females become adults it’s probably too late to learn relationship skillsI'm not sure you know what the word respect means. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 05:16 PM |
| 4 | Once females become adults it’s probably too late to learn relationship skillsPlenty of women are taught to never raise our voice ever. We get tone policed constantly and I don't think I have ever screamed in my life because of it. But at work I get evaluated on things like tone and likability when my male colleagues are not. Emotionally immature people scream. That's not dependent on gender. And women get a ton of feedback on how we communicate. And not all of it is fair or reasonable. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 05:06 PM |
| 4 | Once females become adults it’s probably too late to learn relationship skillsYou also don't teach them to be relied upon men for their sense of worth. And fundamentally that is your problem. You can dress up the language in wifely duties and expectations all you want, but the facts of the situation are obvious. You don't like women who don't need you to validate them, because then you can't control them through shame. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 04:56 PM |
| 5 | Once females become adults it’s probably too late to learn relationship skillsThose agreeing with you have presented the options as either being a wife or having an OnlyFans. You don't speak for all men and not all men expect "wifely duties." Plenty of men desire women who actually have a brain. And as far as I can see, the only problem you have with this option is that I don't care whether or not you desire me. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 04:45 PM |
| 1 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultWhen are we supposed to be seeing this? I don't know the type of situation you're talking about. I van and do speak up when I see something but I don't come across that stuff very often. If you're suggesting that I'm supposed to be devoting time to policing social media so that you don't get the wrong idea about things that's also a little bit silly. The same way I don't expect men to pile on to every Andrew Tate video. Is enough to just not watch it. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 04:02 PM |
| 6 | Once females become adults it’s probably too late to learn relationship skillsFunny how things work out like that. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 03:58 PM |
| 3 | Once females become adults it’s probably too late to learn relationship skillsSounds fantastic to me. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 03:57 PM |
| 20 | Once females become adults it’s probably too late to learn relationship skillsWhy is it that you've presented the only options as teaching girls to be wifely or being porn stars? The middle ground is to raise girls into well-educated, self-sufficient, emotionally mature women. As far as I can tell, the only problem with that is that our self-worth is not dependent on male validation. Those of us who fit that criteria don't look to men for validation, and we expect more from our partners. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 04:39 AM |
| 1 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultI might not be clear on the type of situation that you're describing, so please correct me if I'm wrong. If you're suggesting that women should have uniform preferences when dating, I'm not sure I agree. I understand that it would make things easier for men if women behaved as a uniform collective, but unfortunately that's not possible when you respect intersectionality. That premise only works if women aren't allowed autonomy. I don't want a trad wife dynamic but I respect another woman's prefe… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/12/25 03:10 AM |
| 2 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultWhat does that actually look like in practice? What does that responsibility actually look like In terms of behavior? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/12/25 06:11 PM |
| 2 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultJust to get responses like this. lol. Fair enough - this is a debate post after all 😂 And you're correct, I'm not as frustrated with men as a whole. I am somewhat frustrated with narratives in which women are villainized no matter what path we take. Which is why I asked about you separating the points. And thank you for the clarification on that! I'm someone who knows what I need in a partner and I have those standards. My standards have to do with certain emotional/relational skill sets and If … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/12/25 06:02 PM |
| -2 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultOkay great. So then you can see that while being touched-starved would be worse for you, there are other people who would rather not be touched indefinitely than be touched against their will. It's not that complicated. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/12/25 05:41 PM |
| 2 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultI think part of the problem that you're experiencing is collapsing all women into one voice. We are individuals with individual preferences. That said, being in touch with your emotions means being able to self-regulate. So being able to soothe your emotions and not let your emotions control you is a part of being in touch with them. So it's not actually a lie, it's that you're not fully understanding what you're being told. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/12/25 04:02 PM |
| 4 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultOkay, but you do understand that not everyone is going to feel the same way about non-consensual touch as you do? Yes? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/12/25 03:56 PM |
| 3 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultPlease reread my comment and the comment above it that I was replying to. I didn't say anything about getting groped all of the time. I was pointing out that lack of touch is not the only type of undesirable scenario and the idea that being touched starved is not always going to be the worst case scenario for everyone. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/12/25 03:55 PM |
| 5 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultIt's only possible for you to say it's worse because you haven't experienced the other side. The dude hasn't been touched in years, but he's also probably never been groped without his consent either. It doesn't need to be a competition in any case. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/12/25 05:57 AM |
| 3 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultI think that your friend was right when they said that women's standards have evolved. But I disagree with the idea that men can't keep up. Women are looking for men to have a different skill set than they used to have, and that skill set can be learned in adulthood. But it's a choice of whether or not you want to grow and learn and improve yourself. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/12/25 05:54 AM |
| 8 | No one is happy and it is everyone's faultI agree that everyone's happiness is their own responsibility. But I'm not sure why you have separated women's reasons for being unhappy from men's reasons for being unhappy. I think that men's unhappiness is due to their own choices and it's wrong to be blaming women and expecting women to solve this for them. And I say this as a woman who aligns with the final statement in your post. My dissatisfaction is because I expect more effort from men than what I see them putting into relationships. Ju… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 04/12/25 05:52 AM |
| 1 | Why do women dislike the bottom 50% of men?Well obviously we're not talking about racism here. And if you actually read my comment I said nothing about sluts or shaming. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 28/11/25 02:20 AM |
| 2 | Why do women dislike the bottom 50% of men?Well bad faith arguing is always fun 👍 | /r/PurplePillDebate | 27/11/25 11:13 PM |
| 1 | Why do women dislike the bottom 50% of men?To be honest with you, I don't see the type of shaming post that you're talking about in any of my feeds. Could be algorithmic bias but I don't ever come across body shaming/small dick jokes. So that said, if you have it, I'd be happy to talk about it if you drop a link, but I don't ever see that type of thing. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 27/11/25 02:20 PM |
| 6 | Why do women dislike the bottom 50% of men?If you give me an example of exactly what you're talking about, I can discuss that. I'm talking about memes in which women flip the script as a way of coping with the feedback that we get all the time. I'm not talking about bullying. So just to make sure that we're describing the same type of post, drop a link. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 27/11/25 08:53 AM |
| 2 | Women's Dating Rules Are Impossible and often HypocriticalI'm glad we're on the same page about saying no - thank you! And I completely understand why you would like some rules on this, I'm not saying that you're wrong for wishing that this was the case. Going back to your question of why that's not possible: although it is fair to have some baseline expectations, I'm not sure it's possible to prevent these situations entirely through "rules" and there will always be a risk - and it's still because creepiness is not the same thing as rudeness. Rudeness… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 27/11/25 08:45 AM |
| 1 | Why do women dislike the bottom 50% of men?When you say that women's first instinct is to attack a man's sexual status - I don't think that's actually what's happening. I'm not endorsing body shaming in any way. But with any of these posts, you have to remember that men are not the target audience: they are posts created for women. So the message that you're going to take away is not necessarily the intended message nor the same message that the target audience is going to receive. For example: sometimes these popular posts are "inside j… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 27/11/25 07:57 AM |
| 1 | Women's Dating Rules Are Impossible and often HypocriticalAs others have said, you're collapsing all women into ONE preference. That’s like getting mad that one restaurant is closed and saying: “THE CITY HAS NO STANDARDIZED DINING HOURS!” | /r/PurplePillDebate | 27/11/25 02:10 AM |
| 1 | Women's Dating Rules Are Impossible and often HypocriticalHow can we have all of these rules, but we falter at the social interaction of initiating courtship? The reason we don't have these rules is because these are not parallel situations. Everything you've described is a scriptable interaction in which there is one clear behavior that is "polite" and one clear behavior that is "rude." But that's not the case when we're talking about initiating courtship. The critical difference is that if a woman declines your attempt at courtship: she is not callin… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 27/11/25 02:07 AM |
| 4 | Women's Dating Rules Are Impossible and often HypocriticalI disagree. Women are individual people the same way men are individual people and part of the problem is expecting clear rules that you can apply whole cloth to a population. If you approach a woman and she doesn't like it, that doesn't mean you're a creep. But it is unfair to expect all women to uniformly agree on an approach so that you don't have to ever risk feeling like you made a misstep. The key is that everyone has to be willing to communicate rather than blame. Women should be willing … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 26/11/25 07:08 PM |
| 6 | Men formulate their questions correctlyThis. They don't want to have to earn intimacy which also means they don't want to have to buy intimacy. They simply want their very existence be rewarded with sex. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 14/11/25 06:05 PM |
| 2 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickYou're correct, it did capture an audience that does not normally engage with this type of content. I think it's also important to consider why that was the case. First of all, we are talking about US/UK society nearly 2 decades ago. It was not the same world as today. Chasity was a huge element of mainstream pop culture aimed at teenage girls in the 2000s. On one side there was the flirty-good-girl like Hannah Montana. Then you had the shy-but-deep-girl like Bella from Twilight. And the Jonas B… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 12/11/25 06:54 AM |
| 0 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickThe flaw in your argument that I have been trying to illustrate is that you are separating the male archetype from the narrative purpose of that character. These are NOT books about a "fantasy man." That is a male-centric view. These books are about a woman within a fantasy world. The male archetype is just one aspect of that world. The woman is the main central character and the theme of the book is NOT her male counterpart - he is merely one element of this fictional fantasy world. The theme o… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 12/11/25 05:48 AM |
| 2 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickYou are still overlooking the basic point that the man is NOT the main character of the story. These are not books about men. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 12/11/25 02:53 AM |
| 7 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickIt's a huge genre with thousands of titles published every year that cover a ton of different themes and frameworks. You have pulled your list out of your awareness from your perception of something but it's not from actually engaging with the material at all. If you were to find a thematic data set to actually draw these conclusions from I'd be happy to take a look at it. But I disagree with the idea that what gets the most attention on SM and in discussion forums is the most popular with the a… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 09:37 PM |
| 2 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickYou are claiming that women make you feel insecure. How does any of these relate to that? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 09:30 PM |
| 3 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickI understand your point of view and it totally makes sense. I meant something different about slut-shame proof. I do think that it is important to remember that CNC is not always narcissistic and ego driven for women. There are absolutely women for which that is true. There are women who just want adoration, and to be passive and receive pillow princess treatment. But, I am also pointing out that we still live in a society in which many women are sexually repressed. Even if they have sex they mi… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 09:26 PM |
| 2 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickI think the issue is that CNC is a tiny slice of the genre. Smut is not just CNC - that's just what has gotten mainstream attention because it's slut-shame proof. But there is an entire market that publishes thousands of books a year, and the vast majority of romance/smut/erotica titles don’t go anywhere near these types of power dynamics. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 07:52 PM |
| 2 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickI don't disagree with most of your points: simply the definition that these are simply cultured gendered roles. Christianity plays a huge part in this too. That's the root of Twilight+50S which brought smut into the mainstream. But that is a minority of the genre: it's just what has mass appeal with the general public that is largely sexually conservative. I made reference to this in one of my comments above. But, but when you get out of the genpop stuff, one of the primary appeal of smut is the… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 07:27 PM |
| 1 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickWhat facts? When is this happening and how? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 06:56 PM |
| 6 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickNot lying, just employed. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 06:24 PM |
| 0 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickPeople forget that the original manuscript of 50 Shades was Twilight fan fiction. Twilight was all conservative notions of lust and desire. At the end, the girl is rewarded for constraint and chastity. That's Christianity, not D/s. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 06:20 PM |
| 9 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickYour lens is very male-centric, which makes sense, since you’re noting the elements that stand out to you. But if we're going to talk about the appeal these books have for women, you have to recognize that they're going to interpret some of these elements quite differently. I don't have a source to cite for the common trends (I don't know if that type of cultural analysis is even being done by anyone currently). But here's a few themes that are very prominent in the genre. * Be advised: the foll… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 05:53 PM |
| 6 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickYes, exactly. That was my whole point. Those are the most widely known by the general public (books and movie franchises), but they don't represent the bulk of the genre. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 08:59 AM |
| – | Would this scenario be rape, or just regret? Is it playing victim/denying responsibility to claim rape?It's important to remember that the term "Rape" is both a legal and psychological construct. Legally, the standards for a criminal charge vary and are deliberately high. I can’t say how a prosecutor would interpret this story. However, from a purely psychological and ethical standpoint, this still meets the criteria for rape even if he did not physically push her head down. You mentioned fawning in your post, so you're aware of the fight/flight/freeze/fawn responses to stress. What you described… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 06:41 AM |
| 18 | Certain parts of female sexuality give men the ickWhere did this list of "obvious trends in women's smut/romance" originate? Is this yours? Because these are not the most prominent or popular trends in the genre, they just tend to gain a bit more genpop attention. Twilight/50 Shades aren't actually the dominant narratives in the category. That said: I will admit that there is a heavy emphasis on fantasy/mythical stuff, but that's just aesthetics. Chicks dig sparkles and magic the same way dudes dig big explosions and fast cars. Plenty of series… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 06:06 AM |
| – | Would this scenario be rape, or just regret? Is it playing victim/denying responsibility to claim rape?Yes. This is absolutely rape, no caveats. Emotional attachment/affection and sexual consent are entirely separate. Most rapes are perpetrated by people whom the victims liked, loved, and trusted. Edit to add: Please note that these definitions are gender-neutral. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 05:13 AM |
| – | Would this scenario be rape, or just regret? Is it playing victim/denying responsibility to claim rape?username checks out | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 05:02 AM |
| – | Would this scenario be rape, or just regret? Is it playing victim/denying responsibility to claim rape?This rape by every modern legal, psychological, and ethical standard: Non-consensual oral sex by physical force. Intercourse while she was passive and non-responsive. Power imbalance (controls of housing/income). Pattern of grooming, isolation, and coercion. Her continued contact and presence are trauma responses, not consent. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 11/11/25 04:37 AM |
| 3 | Not wanting to date someone is not oppressionYou're not wrong. I've only been here 2 years and already deeply changed by this city. For example: I never understood the tendency that some young men have to "date crazy." That is until, as a 37yr old woman, spent six weeks dating a Philly firefighter. Yikes. Never again. But I have clarity on a few things now. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 10/11/25 10:29 PM |
| 23 | Not wanting to date someone is not oppressionAgreed. I'll also expand to say that I don't really care what you do find attractive either. I don't enjoy having men I don't know give me unsolicited compliments any more than criticisms. Happens way too often at my gym. It doesn't ever seem like genuine kindness. It always seems like a dude wants to interrupt my workout to force me to pay attention to him so he can experience the warmth of gratitude and validation. That's not why I am here right now. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 10/11/25 10:10 PM |
| 1 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeShe'll be horrified. As she should be, because it's horrific. That's my answer. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/11/25 05:36 PM |
| 1 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeGentlemen, I am on your side on this issue. I was describing Koss' work in her capacity as a researcher in the 1980's. I have stated multiple times in this thread that the rape of a man needs to be codified into criminal law. These are included in CDC data sets today. Koss' original NVAWS is now the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. The NISVS includes specific designations for male victims of both made-to-penetrate and non-consensual penetration. We are not your enemies. Femi… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/11/25 03:25 PM |
| 1 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeLook if you don't like the phrase, take that up with CDC. "Made" = By force and/or coerced. It's an umbrella descriptor so that no victim is dismissed or underrepresented. As I have been explaining in this thread, this survey has undergone continual improvements over the past 4 decades. The original National Violence Against Women Survey is now the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. The NISVS includes specific designations for male victims of both made to penetrate and non-con… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/11/25 09:19 AM |
| 2 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeAgain, the Duluth model is an artifact of the 1980's, and has since been updated and expanded since its inception. At the point in time in which the Duluth model was created, 44 states had a legal exemptions for marital rape/ sexual violence. The legal statutes specifically limited the definition of rape to intercourse with a woman who is not his wife. A man simply could not be charged and prosecuted for raping his wife. And the culture of the time supported this idea and told married women that… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 06/11/25 12:48 AM |
| 5 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeThank you for your kind words :) I'm very glad I could offer some clarity. And yes, I am a professional researcher, but in a different field. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/11/25 11:23 PM |
| 2 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeFind me a feminist legal scholar who advocates that women should be lawfully permitted to beat their husbands. I'll wait. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/11/25 11:08 PM |
| 5 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeShe rolled with it because she was a researcher, not an advocate and she was working in the 1980's. The goal of the NVAWS (National Violence Against Women Survey) was to provide data to NIJ and CDC on the prevalence of crimes against women. At that point, women were a statistically invisible population to those institutions. The cultural of understanding around sexualized crime, sexual identify, and gender dynamics was at the level of a kindergartner. At that time, people questioned whether or n… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/11/25 10:56 PM |
| 2 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeYes, you are absolutely correct that the definition of rape should not be limited to forced penetration. But the point is that women did not set that definition. That definition was set by men centuries ago. Feminist legal advocates have been working to undo the language of that standard. But academic researchers, like Koss, are constrained by the legal standards of their era. If you want to be able to understand how many rapes are occurring vs how many are reported to law enforcement and how ma… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/11/25 10:00 PM |
| -2 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeI'm not sure I agree that there would be the same level of outrage if Koss was a man because we are talking about events that occurred over 30 years ago. Women aren't out marching in response to things that happened before they were born - they're out marching for what's happening right now. Additionally, I don't think you would have outrage because of the context in which Koss made that statement. She was an academic researcher, and she was defending conducting research the language that was co… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/11/25 09:24 PM |
| 1 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeIf we could all go back to 1987 and make some changes we would. But this is something that happened 40 years ago. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/11/25 09:08 PM |
| -1 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeIt's not a circular argument. It's just not getting dragged down by individuals who aren't debating in good faith. This is a fundamental concept of gender dynamics and people can educate themselves. Privilege isn't an opinion and I literally gave you the person who introduced the content. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/11/25 08:34 PM |
| -3 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeHe has male privilege, and she does not. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/11/25 03:13 PM |
| -2 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeNot privilegessss. Privilege. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/11/25 02:40 PM |
| 11 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeYour points about the need for male inclusion in the definition of sexual crimes are absolutely valid. Equal protection under the law means every single law across the board and there is still a lot of work to be done to make these laws gender neutral and fair. But I do think that you are neglecting to consider some important context about Koss's work. First of all, she has faced criticism for that definition and her work has been revised several times. But the reason the public critique maybe s… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/11/25 02:31 PM |
| 3 | Blue Pillers are feminists need to offer men a decent alternativeFriendly PSA: There's no credentialing system on tiktok and Reddit does not check your references. Whichever "feminists" told you this were not having a conversation in good faith, and certainly have not any amount of actual gender study. A brief fact check: + The notion of privilege was introduced by Peggy MacIntosh, and she explicitly states that pointing out that men are privileged in no way denies that bad things happen to men. Being privileged does not mean men are given everything, and it … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/11/25 01:48 PM |
| 1 | Women get rejected just as often as men, it just happens after the sex.I don't agree with the stance that these are both forms of rejection. As a woman who has been in that situation, I felt used. The timeline of manipulation/deceit →intimacy →abandonment was incredibly painful, and a little dehumanizing. But I did not feel rejected, because it was clear in retrospect that an actual relationship was never a possible outcome. The guy was running a tactic and I got played. A breach of trust is betrayal, not rejection. There were difficult lessons that I had to learn … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 05/11/25 08:44 AM |
| 1 | Men dont need pity or help from womenThank you for talk about women's experience on the apps without attributing cruel motives to their behavior. That's really rare - and I appreciate it. There are so many things I would change about the whole app system if I could. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 03/11/25 01:53 AM |
| 3 | Men dont need pity or help from womenThe ease with which you minimize and dismiss women’s parallel experience is actually proof of the point I was making. We don’t even have to go into public debates about whether I should legally have access to reproductive care. “Mommy training” starts in the toddler years: the baby doll, the pet, the teenage babysitting gig, the college “man-catching,” the ticking clock. Then comes telling your parents, who’ve built their retirement dreams around being grandparents, that it’s never going to happ… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/11/25 10:01 AM |
| 1 | Men dont need pity or help from womenThank you for explaining. I appreciate it, and I want to understand what would actually resonate. I'm often reluctant to express these sentiments (for a few different reasons), but acknowledgement without comparison is completely fair and a reasonable expectation. So for whatever it's worth, here's one woman saying that I fully recognize how demoralizing it would be fighting against invisibility within an environment that encourages women to treat you like you're disposable. Not sure what dating… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 02/11/25 07:30 AM |
| 1 | Men dont need pity or help from womenWhat would actual true empathy from women look like to you? (Not trying to debate/bait - genuinely asking for clarification.) | /r/PurplePillDebate | 01/11/25 11:13 PM |
| 4 | Men dont need pity or help from womenHave you tried being born with a uterus and declining to use it to reproduce? Let me tell you people have some ✨opinions✨ on my worth. Feminism has made it possible for me to be permitted and allowed to do certain things, but it has not dismantled the cultural narrative around expectations. "You can do anything" are the words, but usually the meaning is, "You have to do everything." My anatomy is considered public property and my CF lifestyle is a punch line. But that doesn't mean I'm being vict… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 01/11/25 10:03 PM |
| 1 | Women are not obligated to “fix” male loneliness by dating/sleeping with lonely men.I'm sorry! I misunderstood what you were directing us to read. My mistake. But I do agree with your post. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 01/11/25 04:24 AM |
| 2 | Women are not obligated to “fix” male loneliness by dating/sleeping with lonely men.Can you link to the specific comment when you explain it? I'd like to read it. Having not read your explanation yet, I agree with you that this is not an argument that's being made by anyone with any amount of rigor. But the idea is not entirely absent either. There are a substantial number of men who haven't spent a lot of time analyzing the situation nor their role in it, who have defaulted to the idea that women should be the solution to this problem. They're not out making a case for it, but… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 01/11/25 04:14 AM |
| 1 | It is not a parent’s job to teach their kids how to get laid.Completely agreed. Men have been failed by their parents in this way. They've been educated that simply having a girlfriend/wife is a status simple and a measure of their worth. That has not served men well at all, which has led to some unfortunate situations for women. Part of the parenting that I'm referring to is teaching young men that they're worthy of a partner who loves them and respects them, and everything else that is part of a healthy relationship. I think that message is easier for a… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 31/10/25 10:41 PM |
| 1 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityIf there was a system in place that broke every man's left leg when they turned 20, the solution wouldn't be to give every man crutches when they turn 20 and tell them to heal, the solution is to stop the system that breaks men's left leg when they turn 20. Completely agreed. We have to stop breaking legs. We have to stop telling little boys not to cry and to act like men. We have to stop rewarding aggression. Parents have to help their children learn how to regulate their emotions effectively. … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 31/10/25 10:20 PM |
| 1 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityThe sad reality of life is that choices affect outcomes. I think that affect is the key word in that sentence. I think a lot of people struggle with putting effort into something without the guarantee of a payout/reward. I completely agree with everything that you are saying here. And I'm just adding that I think a big part of the challenge in motivating people towards the direction of self-growth is the fact that there is no guarantee of a specific outcome. Yes you'll be better off if you do th… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 31/10/25 10:12 PM |
| 28 | It is not a parent’s job to teach their kids how to get laid.Completely agreed. Just to add: I also think it's up to the parents to model healthy (non-sexual) affection within a relationship. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 31/10/25 08:54 PM |
| 5 | It is not a parent’s job to teach their kids how to get laid.I think women can teach their sons how to treat women and men can teach their daughters how to treat men. And both can teach all of their children about what type of behavior and treatment is permissible (standards, boundaries, consent frameworks, etc.) I think that one gender passing on myths about the other gender is part of the problem we see today. There's not enough empathy for the other gender on either side. At the end of the day we're all people - and empathy is about relating to each ot… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 31/10/25 08:51 PM |
| – | Purplepilldebate women are better conversationalist than the women on askfeministsThis is a debate sub. People who are here and post here understand that there are going to be different opinions. But any of the ask subs (feminism or others) are full of people who post on that sub because they want to be an expert in something. So they're not all that open to dissenting opinions. The r / ask format sets the stage and the roles: One person with no expertise asks a question to the experts for an answer. On the askfem sub there are lots of people who go in not asking a genuine qu… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 31/10/25 07:06 PM |
| 1 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityI do understand how devastatingly difficult life can be sometimes. And I get the instinct to just give up on all of it because after enough disappointments, hope feels futile. I wish society was better about supporting people before they get to the point in which they feel like their life is just utterly pathetic. I think where you and I differ is that I believe there is no such thing as a man or woman who is so far gone that they're beyond the ability to heal in some way. The framework we're di… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 08:27 PM |
| 0 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityDid you not read the OP? The whole framework that we're discussing is around violence. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 04:20 PM |
| 1 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityWell I'm saying words to people and they are pointing guns at people. So are you really going to say I'm the bad one here? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 03:58 PM |
| 0 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityThe practical solution would be for men and women to learn about emotional regulation as adults if they failed to learn it as children. It can't be done for them. I'm not trying to scream at anybody - but this can't be done on your behalf for your benefit. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 03:28 PM |
| 4 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityIt’s emotional maturity paired with impulse control and empathy. It's the ability to notice when your sense of pride, identity, or insecurity is running the show and to self-soothe it before it turns into defensiveness, blame, or hostility. Without it, people externalize every discomfort as someone else’s fault, which makes genuine connection impossible. If we use rejection as an example, it’s the difference between: “This hurts a lot, and the disappointment sucks,” and “You’re a complete bitch … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 03:24 PM |
| 5 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityIn my personal experience, toxic masculinity was promoted by men as much as women. I referred to the men in my life who are trying to heal and some of those are my male cousins who used to get beat by their dad when they cried because my grandfather beat him and my dad. I was spared that because I was a girl but it was their dad teaching them what it meant to be a man and in his mind it meant being violent and suppressing your feelings. My cousins are in therapy and trying to deprogram that mess… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 02:43 PM |
| 5 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityYou bring up valid points. This is something that starts at a very young age and it was not the fault of the boys who were miseducated. That's a failure of the previous generation. And yes, there are plenty of women today who learned the messages that boys learned and they recoil at men expressing emotions and showing vulnerability and it makes everything worse. There is a nuance here that is a little bit overlooked in my opinion. I am a woman who is eager to help any man in my life who is attem… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 02:09 PM |
| 3 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityYes, we report similar levels of loneliness but women do not have the same expectations of society to solve this issue for us. The reason why it's been labeled the "Male Epidemic" is because many men have centered their own pain in this discourse and expect society and women to solve this issue for them. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 01:53 PM |
| 2 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityWe discuss it because we are blamed for it and we are expected to be the solution for it. We hear the complaints about lonely/sexless lives riddled with constant rejection, but we are not validating you in the way that you want. Women use this phrase when we are expected to do things that we don't want to and we assert boundaries. So if your issue is with the term that everyone is using - I can accept that. What term would you prefer everyone used to describe this pattern of male behavior? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 01:46 PM |
| 2 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityI don't understand how that is the conclusion that you're drawing. You acknowledge that women are capable of doing this for ourselves. We are not disconnected. So why is your conclusion that there is no good solution for men? Because this is the situation that leads to women being expected to do emotional labor for men who are unwilling and not capable of doing that work for themselves. It's a skills gap in my opinion. It can be addressed, but it would require men to put the work in on themselve… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 01:28 PM |
| 1 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityYou're right that the phrase isn't used by men often - I was summarizing a category of behavior. Women are constantly told is how hard it is for guys on dating apps because they don't get any matches. And the constant rejection and loneliness is just so sooooo difficult. And how it's easier for women to have friends because we're just more naturally social creatures but it's really really hard for guys to have friends. Men need to feel needed but women are feeling overwhelmed with demands on our… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 01:13 PM |
| 6 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityMy point is that violence is a problem. And so if you want to deal with that problem you have to deal with the root cause and I don't think that the root cause is loneliness. I think that the root cause is a lack of emotional literacy and ego management skills. It's basically impossible to support other people and build connection without those skills. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 12:24 PM |
| 8 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityAgreed. I'm not denying that these individuals have a problem and they deserve compassion and kindness. But by engaging in mass violence they're taking their problem and making it everyone's problem. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 12:21 PM |
| 13 | Any violant agenda or idealogy men subscribe to is entirely their faults and therefore responsibilityWomen can acknowledge it but we are expected to solve it which is the challenge. Women are being put in a position where we are expected to solve the male loneliness epidemic and the male violence epidemic - both of which we are also blamed for causing. It goes down some really wild logical loops. If a man is lonely and bitter and feels like he has nothing to live for, the solution is not to request that women soothe him. The solution is for him to learn how to regulate his own minds and ego thr… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 30/10/25 12:05 PM |
| – | The Mizkif situation proves why non verbal consent is BS.My whole point was that it's not a criminal issue. I specifically said that a violation of consent is not sexual assault. Consent is an ethical issue and then there's an entirely different criminal statute. We need to separate the idea that the only consent violations that matter are ones involving criminal conduct. No one should go to jail for negging and using other PUA tactics, but we should stop normalizing emotional manipulation as socially acceptable behavior when sex is on the table. But … | /r/PurplePillDebate | 27/10/25 02:07 PM |
| – | The Mizkif situation proves why non verbal consent is BS.Until society normalizes clear, verbal, affirmative consent for both men and women we’ll keep seeing tragic misunderstandings like this. Two people can leave the same room with entirely different stories, and both think they’re right. Agreed. Responsible members of the BDSM community manage this with negotiation. You discuss desires, limits, boundaries, expectations/needs for aftercare etc. It's how everyone stays safe and how their needs are met. We need to bring some of these elements into reg… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 27/10/25 06:19 AM |
| 1 | Are dating events or speed dating even worse than apps?I agree completely that the Like imbalance is the biggest problem on the apps. And for me spending some time with a man who was curious, engaged, and a little charming is how I start crushing. There's already a baseline of respect because I find it impressive that they actually came out to the event. I just go in without any expectations about the outcome. I'm paying for the event that the organizers are facilitating: talking to 12 different people with none of the awkwardness around who approac… | /r/PurplePillDebate | 27/10/25 01:19 AM |
| 1 | Are dating events or speed dating even worse than apps?This is the key thing. My issue with the apps isn't that it's hard for me to get dates. I would much rather spend an evening talking to 12 men who have brought themselves out into the world and are ready to have a conversation with 12 different women. And they have to actually make a choice on each: no mass likes allowed. Plus they're fun. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 25/10/25 08:08 PM |
| -1 | Are dating events or speed dating even worse than apps?You only match if both people say yes so no one leaves with everyone's number. There's a clear incentive to be honest and realistic. If it's a 24-person event (12/12) usually the most you can walk away with is 6 matches. Only if everyone that you liked liked you back. So if you liked a person and you're not on their list, you're down to five max. There's no surplus on either side so everyone has to consider every other person in the room. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 25/10/25 08:02 PM |
| 1 | Are dating events or speed dating even worse than apps?I can get dates on the apps, but I'd rather spend that time talking to men who are taking the initiative to go out and meet people. I am in that 35-45 age bracket, and I guess you could define my motivation as settling down. But my point is that these events do offer filters that the apps don't: you are required to actually show up in order to participate, and you can't cast a super wide net because they limit your matches. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 25/10/25 07:52 PM |
| 1 | Are dating events or speed dating even worse than apps?I'm sorry I wasn't clear with my question. I don't see the men at these events as desperate, and that's the part I was curious and asking about. Personally, I view the men at those events with much higher regard an app match or random approach. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 25/10/25 03:13 PM |
| 1 | How do you have so much confidence or ego?I agree with you. But I do see her point too. It's a cliche but it's true: grief is love with nowhere to go. Any outcome is preferable to death. The end of your own life and the loss of a future is the greatest possible loss for anyone. That is their tragedy. But the person who lost the person they loved: they have grief. The death (ultimate tragedy for one) created a secondary tragedy for someone else. I just see it as two separate things. | /r/PurplePillDebate | 25/10/25 11:20 AM |
| 1 | Are dating events or speed dating even worse than apps?How so? | /r/PurplePillDebate | 25/10/25 10:35 AM |
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