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thehappiestelephant Archive

View 0 posts and 621 comments by thehappiestelephant on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
53

There's a dating app commercial where a guy says "For a walk, I have this guy [gestures at dog]. For a real date, I have dating app." They get it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 04:01 PM
9

That's true. I assumed he was talking about their past since they just now opened it up, but who knows. I forget there's "gifting" threesomes now
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 03:20 PM
18

"The experiences … we’ve given one another and the unconditional support, to me, is the highest definition of love.” This could have been said about a monogamous relationship too, it still all comes down to the" experiences" they've given one another (kids, sex, domestic labor, emotional labor) and the "unconditional support" (no consequences for bad behavior). It's not surprising that's his personal definition of love, or that he wants to sign on more sex mommies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 02:54 PM
45

Another projection when they call women "materialistic". He just admitted he would murder another human being in cold blood over material possessions, so definitely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 04:40 PM
178

The (murdered) mother is blamed and the (murderer) father is pitied. Victors write history. I wish I was surprised.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 02:51 PM
33

Exactly. He doesn't even say what he's apologizing for. Just "I love you" and "oops" should be enough to publically pressure her into taking him back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 02:12 PM
66

I've felt like this was the only grain of truth in 'hitting the wall' - hurry up and enjoy your youth before you grind your body past what it was meant to handle
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 03:13 AM
29

I had someone ask what my career was, and then if I worked for myself. Literally the first two questions he wanted to know about me were my perceived earning potential and it put me on alert.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 03:17 AM
158

I ended up in therapy thinking my reactions weren't okay and the therapist was appalled at what he'd been doing and commended me for holding it together so well, I cried after that session out of relief that I wasn't the crazy one
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 01:54 PM
21

I had an ex like that, he'd cancel plans and I'd express mild disappointment. He tried to blame me for making him feel bad and I told him I was absolutely allowed to express a modicum of disappointment for an activity I'd been looking forward to. The entitlement of the coddling blew my mind. "I should never feel bad because of my actions"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 03:52 PM
61

My dad once accused me of crying to make him feel bad (projecting his own manipulation). I wish I had a picture of the shock on his face when I told him "I'm crying because you make ME feel bad." They're emotionally arrested at childhood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 03:42 PM
65

I started recording my abusive ex because I needed a reality check. This is, verbatim, what he said about hitting me: I don't really like it i'm not a fan I don't think it's okay I don't think it's what we should do it's never my intention it happens and it sucks I just want you to know me understand me know that i'm trying I care about you i'm doing the things that I can maybe it's not my forte and that's okay He should have been honest and told me "accountability hurts, mommy, you're supposed …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 03:39 PM
11

Exactly. It's Solomon saying "well let's split the baby then" and the true mother sacrifices her needs to simply keep that child alive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 03:36 PM
31

Some men want to "be fathers" rather than "have children", if that makes sense. They want the status and respect of fatherhood without the burden and responsibilities that naturally come with it. As soon as that kid pops out, you're a FaTHeR so it doesn't really matter what happens after anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 03:34 PM
37

Dogs are easy to please, can't voice opinions or have eXpEcTaTiOnS. And you can tell at them or around them and they'll just cower and try to make up with you. I yelled at something while the cat was nearby and he was gone. Cats expect respect and a safe home. Dogs will accept abuse. That's why they call us bitches, it's them hoping we'll act like bitches they can fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 01:57 PM
106

"every one should try out what's on offer lol"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 05:20 PM
121

The hours he spent explaining why he shouldn't have to apologize lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 02:17 PM
36

They don't care about the fact that you need to be emotionally and physically available for your child. Dads like that are why so many people are messed up now My ex said he just had to parent well enough to (and I quote!) "not get murdered in [his] sleep". I told him that was the lowest bar possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 01:53 PM
192

My ex tried to push me to open up a day care and literally double or triple my work since "I'd be home with the baby anyway." No way, asshole. Let's triple your clients at work, since "you're there all day anyway."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 01:51 PM
28

Jesus said if your right hand causes you to sin, better to cut it off than keep sinning further. He said if your eye causes you to list, better to pluck it out than keep sinning further. Matthew 18:9 is my favorite Bible verse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 02:16 PM
15

Mine never finished a degree, his mommy paid for his programming boot camp, and now he's insecure around people with higher degrees (jokingly commented that one of my friends who was accepted into a masters stem degree was officially the smartest of us now, and he had to add "I don't think that's how that works." Well no but kinda yes.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 02:39 PM
47

I watched my mom rub my dad's feet every damn night for years until she managed to finangle out of the routine somehow. I know she only did it to avoid his verbal abuse when she didn't. Did I mention he's been unemployed for years and hired someone to handle the yard work? He won't even cook the way she likes, he drowns everything in oil and fat. He's less than useless to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 07:10 PM
27

LOL yes he did that too! I actually forgot about that. Told me I was pathetic and needed therapy, and I should stop caring about his opinion so much (when I told him it was rude and invalidating to call me pathetic). So I stopped caring about his opinion and broke up lol. Only take, never give. I get out, never come back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 05:23 PM
106

Or they're hinting for you to volunteer as free therapist. My ex literally said, after a free 3 hour therapy session one evening when I suggested it would be beneficial for him to continue the topic with an actual therapist, "Why would I go through the effort and trial and error of finding a therapist, when I already have you?" I asked him if that was fair to me though (since it took 3 hours of my evening forever, he yakked so long I went to bed super late so even less energy for me yay) and the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 03:58 PM
39

bedroom abuse Calling it this is a great start.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 02:06 PM
26

"I want to stroke my ahem EGO while my wife wifes for me, then I want to go home to the wifed house. That's my best solution, for sure."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 01:18 PM
21

And because he spends his time on "pursuing hobbies and business interests that align with my passions". Of course he feels vibrant! She's subsidizing all that personal development.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 01:17 PM
1102

Really thought this was gonna be a weird sex thing, so happy it's not lol. That's so sweet! We all need a little extra comfort when we're sick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 08:56 PM
62

What a horrible time for her to realize that though. I consider myself incredibly lucky that I had that moment before marriage or kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 02:04 PM
53

Good to know. Of course the balls were designed for being hit, since they were purposefully dropped outside the body. Glad he was able to handle that pain since his body was designed to make them vulnerable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 02:02 PM
41

You can always go old school.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 01:58 PM
100

Sounds like they should've settled down before they hit the wall, too bad so sad
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 01:10 PM
325

He was rude before too. "Say more" like she's a toy with a speech button.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 02:44 AM
147

Men rank other men and assume women are like men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 02:43 AM
148

If compensation for your labor is gold digging, I have bad news for every employee ever
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 05:12 PM
94

So many of us found it that way, myself included. They're the best publicity lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 09:46 PM
33

My first annual job performance review at my first office job ended in an Avon pitch. You can't make that shit up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 02:44 PM
20

Restaurants are choosing to oppress me when they withhold their food for payment. They went into the business of food service, they should be providing that service. Every restaurant I drive by taunts me, knowing they have delicious food inside and they are GIVING it away to less-deserving humoids who probably don't even appreciate it and will just go to another restaurant later that day. off camera: Have you tried ordering off the menu and paying for it? Why should I have to pay?? They want to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 02:09 PM
19

But being upfront about being more interested in sex than an emotional connection is pretty offputting to a lot of women, so now he's come up with a sob story to make it seem like it's his ex's fault he can't commit. It's not that I'm more interested in sex, it's that I'm less interested in emotions. See the difference? /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 02:02 PM
3

I spent less time on my phone than my ex did on gaming, but you're right - it was only my phone that was an issue. I accidentally shamed his gaming habit by comparing my phone habit pros to his gaming pros (my phone is showing me things going on in the world vs a fantasy, it's mobile so I'm not stuck in one place, etc)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 01:13 PM
17

Funny, it's like it's not about you at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 03:45 PM
58

I worked with one who'd just gotten his wife a nice anniversary ring for a big anniversary. It had just recently happened, so came up in conversation. In the same conversation, he discovered he had an extra week of vacation time due to company policy. He said if he'd known he was getting an additional week vacation, he would have just taken her on a trip instead of getting her the ring (that she loved). He wasn't too upset about it from what I could tell, but it was obvious he was serious. If he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 03:42 PM
28

chanel products got customers, and they never go on discount. Hermes takes it a step further and says "we need to see you investing into the brand with smaller purchases before you can purchase a Birkin." Those bags are literally as good an investment as gold.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 01:38 PM
101

I recently had a mechanic forget about me for a few days, and even he reached out first and apologized. And he just wants my money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 02:30 AM
92

My ex wanted anal and I did not. Told him, fine, but you go first. We'll find a toy that has your dimensions and you can try it, then I will. What's good for the goose is good for the gander right? Never heard a peep about it ever again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 09:59 PM
302

On the flip side, being too vocal about how cool you are with periods is a red flag too. "I've accepted the female menstrual cycle, therefore I accept women and am not sexist." My ex told me that he wouldn't be bothered by my period and I said okay cool great. He then felt the need to clarify "no no, I mean, I'm really okay with it. Like, I've painted with my ex's menstrual blood" Didn't need to know that, for one thing. Really didn't need to know that. But this dude was emotionally abusive. He …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 05:27 PM
5

A rapist is a Brock.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 03:12 PM
37

I called my mom last summer to ask "if I need to run from him, can I show up at your door" and she said yes but immediately asked me if I was "expecting perfection." I'm fearful enough of my physical safety to confirm a backup plan, but yeah I'm sure my standards are just too high.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 02:36 PM
60

Jesus spoke. Matthew 18:9
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 01:09 PM
63

The one I just ditched, was almost rabid about How he looked in public and at work. Saving his abhorrent behaviors for in private, at home. An ex straight up said you have to be married as a man past a certain age to be taken seriously in society ("you gotta have a wife if you're in politics!") and made it a special point to inform me he couldn't talk to anyone in his life about him hitting me (because then they would know). He was also very open about wanting to be successful at literally any p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 03:16 AM
28

Yeah, I got hit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 09:37 PM
67

They made it abundantly clear too that Orson was only doing it because he was pissed at her success/spending less attention on him. Adults can prepare their own meals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 01:39 PM
31

My ex was amazed at my existence and that I was with him. Gushed and raved about how wonderful I was. Future faked left and right. He wanted to get married and a house and all that. He started being abusive after a year of living together, and he hit me about a year after that. The way men treat a woman says everything about them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 01:50 PM
61

A similar one is "women's lives are not teachable moments for men."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 01:40 PM
39

My ex assumed all empathy was performative. 'Virtue signaling' was his favorite phrase. He was also abusive. The two are definitely related.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 07:25 PM
187

They’ll treat their bros to dinner or a round of beers without a thought. I used to have a weekly boys group when I waited tables, they came in weekly to get drinks and appetizers. They would good naturedly fight over who got to pay this time or they would palm me their card to pay before the argument could even get going. Men love paying for things they think are worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 04:45 PM
108

Doubt he's asked himself how it feels as a woman when men act like you might be vulnerable prey.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 07:44 PM
12

Hey, he asked how she was...after he'd gotten off. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 06:05 PM
15

More than happy to share the blame too, how convenient. And to give him a cookie for asking how she was after he fucked her while she looked miserable and tired.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 06:04 PM
140

Honestly I think it's because family members are easily accessible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 03:57 PM
37

The biggest backfire is "assume attraction". That's going to create expectations that will be crushed into dust. I laughed my ass off when he said "if she's assertive she's attracted to you" lol, that's a great way to convince yourself you're ever wrong
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 06:24 PM
51

they like feeling needed and being adequate. A woman’s success and independence is perceived as dangerous My ex knew he was slacking off when he caught me using my back scratcher because he hadn't given me a backrub in forever (my favorite thing EVER) and told me "I'm gonna have to do that soon or you won't need me anymore lol". I told him "dear I have never needed you, I've always wanted you." Never understood the gob smacked look on his face till I understood this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 06:08 PM
46

Exactly. We're supposed to be happy with breadcrumbs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 06:04 PM
4

If anything it would probably make them chuckle on the inside and briefly lighten a heavy moment. Either that or they won't care. You can't lose!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:15 PM
24

I hear you on the social conditioning shame. It fades but I don't know if it ever really disappears. They got us early.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:13 PM
66

In case...they find the sudden urge to bang later. Or maybe not them, maybe the guy next to them. Remember above all, we must remain available for all men until we're chosen by one /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:11 PM
47

My mom gave me this advice growing up and it made sense at the time "oh right, sure, wouldn't want to be embarrassed at the scene or the hospital, yeah yeah". Years later, it somehow comes up again. I told her if I'm ever actually in a situation that requires removing my clothing to medically treat, I have bigger problems than my underwear. She tried to argue and begrudgingly accepted I don't care anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:08 PM
14

Holy crap you just reminded me of an ex who used to pull my toes after I'd specifically told him to stop. Wtf Blake.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:47 AM
14

Until now, I couldn’t remember this small detail I find myself remembering moments I discounted at the time. I bet you'll think of a couple more eventually. Tbh it was a relief to realize I'd chosen to disregard the flags at the time instead of thinking I'd missed them entirely. Social conditioning runs deep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 02:42 AM
236

In nature the females frequently bar the males from interacting with the young ones, even keeping males from their own offspring. This isn't punishment, it's protection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 09:27 PM
92

I called it his emotional vomit. He felt gross until he got it all out and then he was all better. He couldn't understand why I then felt unhappy, while dealing with his emotional vomit all over me. And he first started verbally abusing me when drunk. And once it happened the first time (two years into the relationship, a full year into living together), it escalated from every other month to every month to every weekend to every other day. He doesn't have to actually hit you to physically abuse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 09:24 PM
2

“I just love that you don’t give up on things. You keep working at it.” "I just love that I don't have to do anything to maintain my steady stream of sex. She's wonderful! Fully functional life appliance, highly recommend."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 01:29 PM
19

Ditto. Ended up leaving my abusive boyfriend too so yeah. Thanks to whichever salty redditor was complaining about it, it literally changed my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 11:03 PM
63

This POS had the audacity to text me I pissed him off by the way I left! After my ex hit me, I brought it up to discuss and resolve. He accused me of trying to start an argument by the extremely calm and collected way I brought it up. He literally told me he hopes I "appreciate and understand that he can't talk to anyone in his life about it (hitting me)." They really expect to be prioritized and coddled no matter the situation. It's delusional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 06:14 PM
5

He would often feint – coming at me and winding up his fist as if to hit me – then at the last minute smash something of his instead The one time my ex hit me, he claimed he was feinting and he accidentally hit me instead. Bullshit. They're 100% in control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 02:39 PM
8

I cry easily so by trial and error I've accidentally discovered the sweet spot to believable female tears. Too many tears? Hysterical. No tears/in shock? Must be lying or making it up (see, she's not malicious, she's just so stupid as to not know what's real.) Anyway, the sweet spot is Struggling to Maintain Composure, leaning toward no tears. Let your voice break, let a few tears slide out, brush them away to ensure they see you're genuinely upset about whatever happened, but stay composed, no …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 02:35 PM
48

I don't judge you for ruling out dogs. I love dogs but I can't stand living with one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 11:35 PM
182

It feels like extreme score-keeping, or the ultimate division of resources.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 12:30 PM
74

I'm decluttering and finally made it to the closet, I had a giant waist-high pile of clothes in the living room. My cats turned it into a nest. Which makes sense, because they're animals and they lick their butts. I wish I could forget about the nest lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 12:29 PM
73

My friend was accepted into a STEM graduate program. I joked "It's official now, you're the smartest out of all of us." Everyone (me, the friend, and the friends bf) chuckled except for my then bf. He made a bit of a face and said "I don't think that's how that works." Dude dropped out of college. He has a high school diploma and that's it. Everyone else on that call had a bachelor's degree and had been accepted into grad programs. He was so salty about his own lack of formal education that he c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 04:22 PM
6

But he's committed to his cheating wife! /s If he can't maintain boundaries for himself, he can't do it for you either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 03:25 PM
40

Except Millennials never stopped playing video games or reading comic books, they basically made it part of their daily routine. Spot on from my experience. There's also the "I'm cool cause my hobbies and toys are things you want" male power play to get attention, my ex had all kinds of board games and toys and jumping stilts and a hover board. He only ever used them in public or when we had guests.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 02:49 PM
16

I'm glad you picked up on that! That was definitely what the 'takes a beat' was supposed to be, my chance to jump in if I wanted. The eye contact with the pause made that clear. This was his second "revelation". I believed the first one until he went back to his shitty ways. The first revelation was essentially "everything is handed to you as a child, then you have to work for it as an adult, it hurts you to expect things for free." So, in other words, it took a grown man 30 years to figure out.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 01:55 PM
117

You’re not their equal, you’re a threat or even an enemy My ex had a 'come to jesus' moment after a fight. After skipping work to run and talk to mommy all day, he came back all excited about his newfound whatever. He sat me down and the first thing he says is "You are not my enemy." Takes a beat. Keeps on going. I couldn't tell you what came right after because I was still wondering why he felt the need to clarify we weren't enemies. Wtf. Of course later I realized he was projecting. But your c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 09:58 PM
176

And he made her relive it (and reinforced the memories) by asking for details.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 07:00 PM
11

Maybe it should be amended to “A man with only a dog is a lonely man”. I see my dad in that sentence. He doesn't work, he struggles with chores because his poor habits make him overweight and unhealthy, and he has no social life. He watches TV, sleeps, and has his dog. And ever since we had one female black lab over ten years ago, that's his fix. He's gotta have his female black lab. One dies of old age and a few months later he's looking up AKC registered puppies online. He claims it's because …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 02:58 PM
35

My ex was a master of sweeping under the rug and making the cost of discussing too high, but I realized he was finally taking me seriously when I set one hard boundary and he asked what that meant for our future. I told him I didn't know and we'd take it from there. Lord, the sheer panic in this boy's voice as he realized I was willing to walk. I'd never heard him sound like that before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 04:08 AM
30

Shortly after discovering this sub a couple of my then bf's friends came over. One of them did a double take when I opened the door, which was odd as I've hung out with them many times before and he knew me. He later told me that, he couldn't place it, but I seemed like a different person. He briefly wondered if my ex had broken up with me and gotten with a new woman and just not mentioned it. I didn't tell him the reason for the change, but it was FDS. I just smiled and thanked him for the comp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 03:58 AM
126

When you ask, phrase it as if you already assume they do. "What kind do you watch" vs "do you watch"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 02:00 PM
84

Bite it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 01:48 PM
105

Every scientific article about this shows that it is in fact diluted urine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 01:44 PM
72

romantic feelers Yes, that is the perfect term for it. I'm also wondering if he ended up with his gf because she was similar. It seems like he latched onto the fantasy of OP and is trying to make it real, in whatever way possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 09:42 PM
6

"joking" about what ifs is the telling on himself He's both showing you who he is and testing you to see if you'll be also be who he is. If you laugh it off he'll think you're on board or at least not offended by it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:39 PM
8

Your voice or gut instinct always has your best interests at heart. If nothing else, you can trust that you're always looking out for you. You just have to learn to trust it's there for a reason and proceed accordingly. I highly recommend reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker, he explains a lot of predatory tactics but most importantly he emphasizes that your instincts are on your side. The other thing I struggled with was no longer making excuses for others. The best way, I've found, to a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:15 PM
119

Per The Gift of Fear, stalkers are by nature persistent. If they're aware one route of communication has been blocked, they'll look for (and often find) another and that may be the nudge the stalker needs to escalate from sending you unwanted messages from his home to looking up your address and showing up at your door since you "haven't been getting his messages." Per Gavin's advice, I advocate not blocking or deleting, but ignoring and documenting. Safety first. The only reason I'm bringing up…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 02:45 PM
178

It comes across as an attempt to have the audience develop the same bond as she has so they'll be invested in the relationship enough to tell her how to make it work instead of telling her he's awful and she should be leaving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:37 AM
53

I'd hate to be labeled as "their girl" either way, it's so gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 09:26 PM
92

This is timely, I was thinking about when Mark sprung his daughter and unborn grandchild on her and she rightly said "you can't make these decisions for me" and left.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 08:29 PM
42

As I was realizing the ex's double standards, I stopped being baited and would instead show him how he was wrong. I would bring up something he did, and he would immediately try to turn it around on me. "As if you never do anything wrong, why are we always talking about me but never about you!" "Because we HAVE talked about me. But okay, you wanna talk about me, what do you have a problem with?" "That thing you did months ago that I told you I didn't like." "Right, and we talked about it and it'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 04:52 PM
132

If you have to say something, channel Regina George: "So you agree, patriarchy harms everyone."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 06:36 PM
142

That stuck out the most. "No baby, I never said I didn't don't not like it. I'll contradict myself and now say I do like it, but you were still wrong for X reason. And once you show me that the credit card bill is actually fine and paid off, it'll be for Y reason."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 05:25 PM
80

Or I'll eat it when I'm out and about and need something. Scarfing down fast food in your car before heading to the next activity isn't a date, it's refueling. I did that a lot with my ex when we'd go places but he never considered it a date. It was bodily maintenance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 04:14 PM
47

Either "just lucky I guess :)" if I can tell they meant well. If I get the vibe it's because I "should" be coupled, I like to ask "why not?" and leave it at that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 01:01 PM
257

That was my favorite part, he's dependent on her so he "feels obliged" to stick around a while longer if she'll let him lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 02:24 PM
60

Wife probably thrilled to not be pestered Hahaha exactly! My ex pulled that on me. I was happy to leave him alone lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/21 01:28 PM
42

Obligatory link to the pdf because it's important enough to read that it should be freely accessible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 05:33 PM
165

the same people praising the guy for his 'honesty' would crucify a woman for doing the same thing Can you imagine the backlash if two men walked up to meet a woman and she bailed and texted "sorry, I wanted to fuck your friend instead." Same level of honesty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 12:46 PM
150

Taking cash out instead of charging directly with a card? Shady.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 10:46 PM
57

As my last ex was realizing I wasn't tolerating his shit anymore, he started mildly panicking and doing and saying anything that might get a response. One of the things he said was in high school, he had a group of women who had accepted him into the group as an 'honorary female'. As he put it, they would come to him for guy advice and he would straight shoot them. I don't know what reaction he wanted from me but I just smiled and said okay. I could recognize what he was admitting to was loving …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 05:00 PM
3

I told him "confused face You are still here but if you're going to keep acting like that, why would I want you around?" He was the type to call you a sinner if you weren't a saint. Even a sarcastic "how unfortunate" would have given him mental carte blanche to be as shitty as he wanted because, in his mind, I wasn't any better. He was an insane moral character building workshop, I trained myself to take the high road by default so now it's that much more satisfying when I do choose the low road…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 04:11 PM
73

Working hard means showing up as they are, as the pre-scripted main character. My ex used to say "I'm still here, aren't I?" when I'd ask him to apologize for something he did. So yeah, they literally want to just show up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 07:34 PM
26

I moved into a new apartment and had some minor maintenance repairs. The submission form and the work order status both indicated I would be contacted about scheduling. I'm home sick one day (I had just checked the work order status; unchanged) and decided to sleep through it. I woke up when they knocked the first time but I was in such deep sleep I didn't realize what I'd heard. They knocked a second time and then as I'm approaching the door they turn the key to fucking let themselves in. If I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 07:36 PM
49

When "don't leave me in the dark" actually means "you are the only light in my life"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 02:26 PM
5

It's like the answer to a question no one asked "how do you say 'virgin' without saying 'virgin'?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 11:46 PM
130

You know it's projecting when he accuses you of "saying he's a bad person" when you just asked him to apologize for yelling at you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 04:26 AM
21

Maybe she was told she was "investing in her future"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 04:40 PM
34

To warn other women who would also consider it, I hope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 04:37 PM
47

This is an excellent point. If men really believe they have more options in middle age, why are they always rounding down instead of up? If a 20yo really wants to be with a mature 45-50yo, why round your age down to 34? Because they know. And don't like it lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 04:27 PM
315

The edit was the most terrifying for me. "Uh guys? I want to hurt my gf, this is clearly not normal. Edit: Oh this is super common? Whoopsy, haha!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 08:34 PM
28

My eyes have always been slightly larger than average, it's a classic trait considered to be attractive. Ive received compliments on them before. My ex told me they were large, as if it was a bad thing. I just said "...ok" because he wasn't making any sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 02:45 PM
26

My high school bf showed up with a dozen roses after I scored well on the ACT, he said he "wanted an excuse to get me flowers." We were also rear ended once and he had literally thrown his body over mine as much as his seatbelt allowed. That's love.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 03:34 AM
33

He's getting off on the technicality of "correlation does not equal causation" even though it's obvious he's implying causation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:35 PM
83

That sounds exactly like my ex. The second time we hung out with his friend couple, he volunteered that take two cars to our destination, boys in one girls in another. Now I'd only spent about two hours with her and never alone, and I would have vastly preferred driving with my ex. I tried to make eye contact with him as we left and he didn't look at me once. Afterwards I told him I didn't appreciate being voluntold to split like that and he tried to give me that same shit - if I didn't like the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 01:23 PM
3

You mean the spray with instructions on the bottle? Yup, that's the one!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 01:00 PM
20

My ex didn't read the instructions on the poupourri bottle and then wasn't impressed with it. I was surprised he didn't like it, it was a pretty good product. Found out several months later he was just spraying it like air freshener, I laughed at that one in front of him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 11:23 PM
27

if I got into a vehicle with him we wouldn’t end up at the clinic Ah yes, when you've finally seen enough of your goodwill discarded to recognize - if you cooperate with him, you will not get what you want. It's so counter intuitive that you really have to live it to believe it, because why would someone who loves you behave like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 02:53 PM
52

insisted to know what my greatest fear was. "So that I won't hurt you by accident." Only abusers want to know your vulnerabilities from the start. Healthy people are fine respecting them and accommodating you as they are revealed in due course.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 02:23 PM
129

I patiently let my ex vent to me once and it lasted three hours. At the end of it I advised therapy since it was clearly an ongoing issue. He asked "why would I go to all the effort of finding and vetting a therapist when I already have you." I asked him if that was fair to me. Ya'll his face was shook. He never considered that. He did not value what I was giving at all except that he didn't have to work harder. He was happy to steal my time and energy if it made his life a smudge easier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/21 02:33 AM
16

It feels insincere to me because we both recognize I'm bringing more biological and social work to the relationship, yet we share the same material work (ideally). Even if the material costs are split evenly, I'm still working harder for this relationship overall than he is. I want my work recognized and respected, cause it's not easy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 09:08 PM
9

I had literal nightmares about being pregnant (and knowing childbirth was impending) before I even had sex. I have massive respect for every body that birthed a baby because that is intense and a bit of a body horror show.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 03:28 PM
43

"Now even women who aren't lesbians...look like lesbians." Translation: Why aren't women dressing for my gaze?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 02:59 PM
54

I've said that my anger saved me. And ironically I became less angry but that anger was much more impactful now. Whereas before I would swallow my anger at being treated unjustly and would rage at how awful the world was or I was, I now see the injustice coming from that individual and I allow myself to be angry at them and calmly express that anger to them. Remember that emotions are messengers. Anger indicates a perceived injustice. Listen to yourself and be angry when someone is unjust.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 02:45 PM
139

This was actually my introduction to FDS principles before I knew about the sub. I still think about that commentary frequently, and I no longer code things as bad just because the baddies said it. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 08:28 PM
145

The Gift of Fear and Why Does He Do That are my bible. They have saved me more than once.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 05:30 PM
37

"I asked for her (hand in marriage)" We all know the parenthetical were added by the translators "for context"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 02:57 PM
31

wants to buy house therefore marriage "makes sense" My ex told me exactly this and tried to backtrack when I said it sounded like he was checking off boxes on a to do list rather than intrinsically wanting to. Shortly after he said you have to have a wife to be taken seriously in society (paraphrasing, he actually said "of course" a man considering local politics had a wife, "you gotta!"), so it really sounded like he had a Wife checkbox on the list of Necessary Life Achievements
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 06:20 AM
62

Actively making it worse for her. You know that smell is either deliciously enticing or horribly nauseating mixed with all the hospital smells.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 05:40 AM
13

They re-focus attention on themselves and it's a dangerous time for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 05:39 AM
16

My ex sometimes helped carry in groceries. I bought a click & carry and never looked back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 10:16 PM
18

A couple from my mom's church split when he up and divorced her in their 60s, no reason other than he wasn't feeling it anymore. He's now remarried to another woman. His first wife was devastated. She gave him children and devotion, and it was all for nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 07:51 PM
48

You can't tell me men don't recognize the imbalance of an age gap. They just push against it when the man is younger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 02:23 PM
89

This is why I always assumed men think women get irreversibly emotionally attached to their first partner - because they do!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 12:23 PM
43

I've been ignoring my LVM dad for years now, just out of convenience. I used to denigrate him to my mom in an attempt to get her to see how bad he is. It just made her defend him (and, by proxy, her own choices). Since finding FDS I've been focusing on women and positivity, not men and negativity. Now instead I ask my mom how she feels about his responses, and what her response would be to him if the situation were reversed. Today she told me she's been thinking about our last conversation. It's…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/21 03:52 AM
124

An ex tried to neg my nude colored bra, saying "how practical" as if I should have put on lingerie to drive to his place. Are you here to see my clothes or me?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 10:55 PM
44

It's because they have the desired result in mind (happy family, clean home, etc) and they know it's attainable with two adults. They have two adults, she's giving her all, and she still isn't close to the desired results. She doesn't consider that he isn't pulling his weight, so the blame must fall on her in one way or another.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 03:57 PM
20

My ex couldn't handle being in the same room the next day after a fight (we shared an office during work from home) so he worked 15 minutes then called in for the morning, planning to come back to work that afternoon. He couldn't stand to be in the same house with me apparently so he took a drive...and ended up at his mommy's house two hours away. He ended up taking the whole day off work to be with mommy when his feelings were hurt. And I was the dramatic one lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 03:46 PM
13

I've legitimately found that 'being crazy' is the only reliable way to throw off abusive men. Any socially acceptable reaction won't throw them off, you can be polite or rude or ignore them and they don't care. But bark at them once and they think twice. You have to throw off their script so they don't have their next line prepped and lined up. They usually call you a crazy bitch and bail.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 03:38 PM
66

The best term I've heard has been "life appliance".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 03:26 PM
34

Toward the end I asked my ex to be more mindful and kind. He said I was "asking for a million things!" I clarified I was asking for two, him to watch his words and to watch his actions. He still said it was too much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 10:57 PM
53

Critics like to conflate the two for better click bait. Understanding the subtleties of social systems isn't their strong suit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 02:26 PM
251

No kidding, I kept reading and waiting for the shoe to drop. They make sexist comments about harassment. That's what started this whole thing. Then she reaches out and offers to come on the show and discuss why the comments were problematic. They accept and invite her as a guest. They set up two teleconferences and never called her. Then revoked her invitation as a guest. They basically said "we don't want to do this" and offered to set up a third teleconference in a few weeks. She, a wise stude…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 02:19 PM
21

This is why we preach that abusive men make it easier on all men. Look at him, wanting cookies for not doing a bad thing. The world doesn't work like that for most of us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 01:40 PM
38

Nah, it's not about them. It's about everyone knowing he's a single man and still seeing braids on his girls heads. It's about his ego.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 01:38 PM
37

My mom doesn't. Even during my pickme days I always said it was moral to leave a marriage when they violate their vows, and Abuse, Addiction and Adultery were always my deal breakers. Since finding FDS I've noticed how her entire coping mechanism for managing her emotions is making excuses for him. I'd ask her if she was okay with X and she'd usually say "no but [insert childhood trauma or mental illness]" and then stops because apparently that's enough to justify it. It's infuriating to watch f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 09:26 PM
265

My dad has drug down my mom for decades now. Her spirit has been so beaten down that she's accepted breadcrumbs because you "don't get divorced". I'm pretty sure she's in denial about the emotional abuse. Aside from her mental health which has also affected her physical health, she is so frugal while my dad has multiple expensive unhealthy habits that bleed away money. Not enough at any one time to really say no, but it's easily in the thousands now after so many years. He's been on disability (…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 04:45 PM
4

He thought you were nervous because of him haha
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 01:58 AM
6

Every stereotype about women has been projection so I can't say I'm surprised to find "women are naturally submissive" is another.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 01:57 AM
5

I bought a portable door lock with similar thinking, it will make enough noise to alert myself and hopefully neighbors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 03:31 AM
29

My ex would always say “relationships are supposed to be..” My ex tried that on me, or compared me to his exes. I always asked him "The relationships that didn't work out?" Took the wind right out of his sails. He still never got it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/21 03:15 PM
124

Brett Kavanagh's hearing comes to mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 08:09 PM
13

Trying to convince you that you're in need of his- Story time! I fucking love back rubs. I'm down for one anytime. My ex used to ask what he could do for me today and the answer was always "back rub." Yet he didn't offer them, and started trying to push them off. Anyway, I use my head scratcher and back scratcher because he was unreliable about them lately. He saw me using them and said "I'll have to start giving you more backrubs so you remember why you need me around" and I laughed in his face…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 03:51 PM
31

She "expressed interest" makes it sound like she brought it up spontaneously when we know he asked and she said "uh okay we can try it"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 02:05 PM
53

Even if they do straight up hit you in the face, they'll act like the victim and expect you to comfort them after the beating 99% of the time After my ex hit me, he later said "I hope you understand and appreciate that I can't talk to anyone about this" and it was like "oh gee so sorry that the physical abuse was so bad for YOUR heart, can't imagine what THAT was like /s" The lack of accountability for something so blatantly wrong was the last straw. He also finally offered couples counseling th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 11:47 AM
67

His defense was always, "it's not like I abuse you". 😡 ughhhh. He knew. They always know. Why don't they care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 11:31 AM
36

All the butt slaps in football seemed homoerotic to me, especially with how tight their shorts are. Women don't pat each other on the boob for sisterly camraderie, it's weird as a bro thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 07:24 PM
30

They really do, and they project so hard. My ex would claim "I'm still here aren't I?" whenever I had an issue with his behavior but then accused women of being handed everything simply for existing. What he never realized was "women existing" are constantly performing femininity (so no, I actually cannot just exist as I am, I must perform femininity to be socially acceptable). I flat out told him "but why would I want you here if you act like this and don't change?" Men want a cookie and a blow…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 01:23 PM
3

It's all about impressing other men. Every single thing. Women, cars, career, money, it's all about ego.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 07:59 PM
25

once had a man tell me we had to go to dinner in a different neighborhood than the one I suggested Kelly from The Office called out this tactic and correctly deduced that Michael was a side fling, simply because they were going out of town to have dinner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 07:35 PM
99

It's a preemptive ego soothe. My abusive ex reached out after we broke up. He said it was okay if I didn't respond because he knew I wasn't going to anyway. By granting me "permission", he's fooling himself that he is complicit in my silence. Cause, you know, my agency triggers his ego.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 06:04 PM
72

He celebrated the fuck out of her on valentines day with all the deliveries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/21 04:15 PM
63

I gave video games a try for my ex and he got so frustrated that we had to play at my level and speed. I honestly don't know what he expected.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/21 10:25 PM
30

None of them expected Cher to say the quiet part out loud. They all knew it, just didn't expect to hear it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/21 09:09 PM
33

Have you heard of the new reality TV show? Men who say "not all men" are locked into a room with a dozen snakes. Not all snakes are venomous. I think about this every time men say "make it easier for me as a predator, please"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 12:32 PM
52

That's exactly right. I would try to explain systemic oppression to my ex and he would point to one or two who were in high paying or powerful positions as evidence that he, straight white male, was oppressed. Studies have shown that low performing men know they can't afford any further competition so they try to eliminate any additional competitors. Give it time. They'll weed themselves out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 12:29 PM
23

I couldn't get over the fact that while Sansa was raped, they cut to a man's face. It must have been awful for him to watch that /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 01:14 AM
62

My ex once joked that "women are basically objects, right?" I asked him why he would say that to me and I didn't want to hear it again. We broke up the next month. I still can't believe he got so comfortable as to be so stupid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/21 12:58 AM
111

Oh it's worse than that. She said she didn't feel sexy or want to participate with him. I was gonna type more but I really just can't for this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/21 03:16 PM
27

The aftermath of the first fight with my ex included him essentially saying "yeah, you were right but should that matter"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 11:07 PM
39

"If we could survive his cheating then we can survive anything, like if I get sick." Nope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 07:14 PM
15

That's an opportunity to impress the other men so they want to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 02:58 PM
101

If that were the case they'd be happy with the first 80k job that came along "for the family." Men love to hide selfishness under the guise of generosity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/21 02:55 PM
17

It's pretty obvious when we hear the same scripts from men and the same excuses for them from women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 02:24 PM
40

This sounds like my ex. "She made her decision based on information I told her, she should have known I was full of shit. Not my fault!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/21 01:24 PM
42

That's how I felt about being banned from FragileMaleRedditor, ironic but unsurprising.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 05:42 PM
23

Like the reenactment disclaimers: The following is a scene by paid actors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 03:39 PM
65

My ex talked about trying things to extend his jackhammering time and I told him "if you're doing that for me, don't. I'm not getting off so quicker is better than longer which hurts after a while." He thought I got intense pleasure out of his jackhammering, clearly why I didn't need a vibrator /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 02:18 PM
28

Recently watched it. I laughed my ass off when she wouldn't go to bed with him because his unwaxed chest hair was too gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 02:08 PM
112

I wondered if my ex was gay because I saw him struggle to connect meaningfully with me but saw no hesitation with his bromance. Turns out it was just respect. When you don't respect someone, you don't bother to bond with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 01:54 PM
87

Schrodinger's douchebag, where I'm just kidding! Unless you're on board..?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 04:22 AM
22

Do you happen to know if she's paying toward the home any? I'm praying she isn't paying part of his mortgage because she thinks it's their house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 10:03 PM
8

That's fair, so you're looking at it as race trumps gender in terms of power? I don't disagree, I was looking at it in terms of white women being able to falsely claim black male violence only due to the overwhelming trend of male violence in general. Thank you for actually taking the time to answer my question and for your perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 04:56 PM
12

I agree. I'm failing to see how it's relevant when the post specifically calls out those who use false equivalencies to disregard the current issue. Genuine question, how is this different than what the post is calling out?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/04/21 04:39 PM
35

Or worse, he'll pay for dates based on this intel only until they have sex and then she's heartbroken instead of just annoyed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 06:39 PM
34

Having kids is an acceptable life choice, but why are women blind siding each other about it? It's also irreversible so there's a lot of cognitive distortion (since there's no other options) and it is true that misery loves company.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 02:11 PM
39

Lol let's become those old ladies
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 02:10 PM
38

I always like to turn anything men do back on them. It's been incredibly effective. They give unsolicited advice? They also get unsolicited advice ("I thought that's what we were doing, didn't you start it?")
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 02:09 PM
106

Because to them, kids are a status symbol, not like...real people or responsibility. They see their peers having kids and they want them too. Plain and simple. I've said it before and this seems like a good time to repeat: LVM don't want children, they want to be fathers. It's like owning an exotic pet. It's mostly for show.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/04/21 02:07 PM
22

Have you considered trying your hand at discernment therapy? It isn't about necessarily fixing a relationship, but taking inventory and determining whether it's fixable/worthwhile in the first place. I've also been drawn to couples counseling, but avoided it for the same reasons you laid out, but I've often thought I could handle discernment therapy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 08:58 PM
5

Like in the 12 steps program? I hear too many stories of "my 8th grade bully wanted to apologize to me and I didn't want to hear it because I've moved on, now they're calling me an asshole for not accepting their apology." Like bitch, the apology is an offering. No one has to take it. It isn't for you (but there's the crux of it, they were only doing the apologies to get someone else to cleanse their guilt).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 02:52 PM
5

The concept of "unconditional forgiveness" is such a crock of shit. All it does is weaponize your righteous sense of injustice against you. Anger from injustice is intended to be turned toward the perpetrator as a defense tool, never inward. Unconditional forgiveness is the ultimate enabling. Edit: unconditional forgiveness is another person requiring you to assuage their guilt because they can't on their own. They want to see themselves as a good person now, which means 'wiping clean' all past …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 02:49 PM
9

"Explain yourself!" "I can't!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 02:42 PM
14

Melania Trump is a perfect example of performative femininity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 02:39 PM
4

I absolutely raked my ex over the coals for this. I asked him a clarifying question in the middle of a heated discussion and he came back with "you don't listen!" He got an earful about how that was bullshit and he knew it, because how could I have asked a clarifying question if I didn't listen to what he'd just said hmm? I flat out told him, no he's just upset that I didn't immediately grasp his meaning, and maybe that means he's not communicating as clearly as he thinks. It's all projection. H…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 02:35 PM
5

The point where you agree he's right lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 02:31 PM
3

In the kitchen, of all places.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/21 02:22 PM
354

To someone controlling, 'power struggle' is anything but smiling compliance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 05:48 PM
41

I'm hesitant even to camp for a night in a public site. Tents are nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 01:42 PM
126

A customer was pushing boundaries at my first office job and after the second time, I warned my boss that "hey, if Steve complains about me being rude in the future, this is why" because I wasn't going to let it happen a third time (the second showed he hadn't learned from the first). My boss jumped down MY throat about "why didn't I say something before" and I just stared at him and told him "...That's why I'm telling you now." Men have no idea what world they've created for women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 01:41 PM
78

But the haha also shows that if someone disagreed that she's worth an actual date, she would likely accept it. I think a lot of us have been there before, having had our own sense of injustice trampled for so long we believe we can't trust our judgment anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/04/21 01:30 PM
13

Yeah but who cares about women in general, it's just mine I'm concerned about /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/21 01:55 PM
21

I majored in psychology and was assigned very little material on narcissism and cluster B disorders. I still fell into a toxic relationship, even through I was “educated” on the subject. I did most of a clinical psychology graduate program, we did an entire semester on personality disorders including B, and I still fell into a toxic relationship after. Education is important but not key. Self love is key.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 01:42 PM
8

A portable door lock is an added layer of protection, my maintenance guy unlocked my door one day and the portable lock kept him from entering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/04/21 01:36 PM
30

My dad had a personal small business that he operated in town. Eventually he built a workshop on our property to save on those expenses. Seems like a smart move, right? That meant his business number was the house land-line (this was when cell phones were less common) - which meant that suddenly my mom gets to play secretary. I've since wondered if he was aware of that and if it factored into his decision, thinking he could shove off the customer facing aspect of business. So dad, like Dan, also…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 01:59 PM
132

The "God given" was my cue to disregard her perspective entirely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 08:50 PM
41

"Salt daddy" is the funniest thing I've heard all week, thanks for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 08:44 PM
48

They really think if they pay for their own appearance fee once, that a young hottie is going to immediately fall in love with their masculine presence lol. Men don't understand the concept of maintenance, just investing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 08:43 PM
10

Patriarchy conditions men to be narcissists. There was recently a post on here that said (paraphrasing) to avoid the patriarchal indoctrination requires a sensitive, authentic person who's willing to go against the grain. We know there's more that are swept up into it than fight it. So, probably.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 02:57 PM
7

I've noticed narcs calm down the instant you lose control and they get so so frustrated and angry if they don't receive any emotions to feed off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 02:54 PM
3

I've never been in an accident while driving. My ex rear ended a stopped car. Later he didn't pull far enough into the garage and the door scraped his trunk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 02:50 PM
9

This is the start of our union lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 02:29 PM
7

Babies need attention, of course.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 02:28 PM
169

throws keyboard across room
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 02:12 PM
7

The bar is gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 02:10 PM
94

And then go online to get kudos from strangers. You know when she finishes the laundry, she...goes back to her actual life instead of bragging about it. Reminds me of when my ex cleaned the microwave. Made a big deal of it afterward, had to have me come look and admire, then (this is what gets me) had the audacity to ask me to keep it clean. Bitch I wipe down the microwave anytime I see a spill. I, however, do NOT clean the baked on mess that you left. So essentially he cleaned his own mess and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 02:09 PM
158

"I've offered to help her" Translation: I shift my daily maintenance onto her, but I give lip service so she thinks I'm contributing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 02:05 PM
30

Internalized misogyny. Men bad at domesticity, women so good at it. See man be bad at housework? Woman good at it, woman fulfilled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 02:00 PM
154

When we split and moved out my ex told me "this toilet brush is unused if you want to take it." I asked him which bathroom it came from (because I knew it wasn't clean) and he said and I quote "I don't remember, I just remember buying it and setting it next to the toilet and never using it." I felt the struggle to keep my face neutral when I regained my tongue to tell him it was, in fact, dirty and used... because I had scrubbed every toilet (with its own brush) in that house multiple times. We …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 01:57 PM
55

No lie I was thinking about this today. My cat swiped at me because I was brushing a mat from their fur (as gently as I could, but it obviously was uncomfortable) and he swiped. Whatever, he's a cat, it happens. Can't even blame him for giving me a boundary when my pushing past it made him uncomfortable. Anyway, I realized after that I hadn't been "swiped at" without provocation since I left my ex. Do you know how peaceful that feels? Knowing that if I get swatted, I actually deserved it? More t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 08:27 PM
26

They really think you can throw money at biological problems and that will assuage all responsibility. And who only thinks about money again?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 07:14 PM
9

pretending all women refuse to have sex without being married. That's Disney!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 05:46 PM
37

When she dumped him (for needing to test their relationship) she told him "what, you think I've never had options?? I chose you every time and the one time you had any other option, you had to investigate." Then she met that hottie in the art gallery. She should have stuck with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 05:46 PM
5

But Dog is. Fuck this timeline.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 05:42 PM
5

Sometimes they call you insults. Then you get this gem from my ex: "[When we fight,] it feels like I'm fighting with a couples counselor." Rightcauseyou- wait, what? How is that a negative...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 05:41 PM
5

I believe there's an element of accessibility that makes men push harder in person. They really think "if she'd let me, I could be having sex with her right now" while chatting online requires some mental distance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 05:34 PM
4

It really boils my blood to see it being dumbed down to “transactional”. Personally it's a great time saver to hear someone call a date as "transactional". Really shows who you're dealing with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 05:29 PM
12

Keeping in mind that education was designed for men and women were barred from it for a long time, I wouldn't be bragging that a group with such a late start is now outpacing me. It's like when they gripe about women wearing pants. Just because it was designed for men but works better on women does not mean women are oppressing men. It means men should have designed it better for themselves, or men should have been better themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 05:22 PM
15

The pill affected my libido too, amongst other things, and my ex started whining that I "must not be attracted to him anymore". Stopped taking the pill (tbh I was also tired of having full responsibility of birth control and wanted him to share that) and surprise surprise! Guess who felt like their old self again. And then later when he was being an asshole and I (naturally) didn't want to have sex, he didn't have that excuse lol. Instead he said it was tough being rejected and he wanted me to i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 05:15 PM
6

Pretty sure she was okay with sex in the beginning, so maybe he should, y'know, put some effort into making his gf actually want sex instead of crying 'woe is me' when he's sexually coercing her. So many men gripe about their partners lack of drive but they expect her to magically change it on her own. Nah son, there is a dynamic here. Recognize it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 05:08 PM
19

"No no, it happens for men, not to men."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 04:16 PM
107

It bothered me that he said it wasn't about good sex or bad sex, that can be taught - but it was about compatibility. All I heard was "I have kinks and need to make sure you will tolerate them."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 04:14 PM
28

He'd been mean to her before so it didn't seem out of character for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 08:53 PM
40

I agree. My pickme behaviors stemmed from a subconscious belief that no one would treat someone so poorly if they were aware of the pain they were causing. The single biggest revelation I had was that my comfort was worth more than their excuses. Internalized misogyny is real. I don't support pickme behaviors and some women actively play into the patriarchal stereotypes of women, but a lot of women are looking for a compassionate adult to build a life with and are willing to use their excuses to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 08:15 PM
18

This is why the phrase "behind every man..." exists, because they were ignored entirely and people needed a reminder women existed (in relation to men's accomplishments of course).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 11:32 PM
32

What she actually wants is him cooking for BOTH of them some days a week. But this does not even cross his mind. Thank you for pointing this out. Men's version of "making it easier" for women is saying they won't create extra work for you, not that they'll take on any.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 11:16 PM
10

"While you make yourself fuckable, don't dare forget that's the whole point."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 02:04 PM
296

Her MaTeRnAl iNsTiNcTs should have kicked in! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 01:27 PM
540

"I haven't seen her in almost a year and oh yeah I've heard she looks great still"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 01:25 PM
38

I'm 99% sure the words "serial killer" never came out of her mouth, which means he was thinking it. This is terrifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/04/21 01:02 PM
50

He blamed her for ghosting and gaslighting... before she then broke up with him. It sounds like he saw her boundaries as manipulation and she was straight up even to the end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 07:45 PM
120

Tbh I think a lot of the stereotypes about women that men perpetuate..is really just projection. Like the stereotype that women never stop talking while studies have shown that, in mixed gender groups, men talk more than the women but will still perceive women as talking too much which is clearly unacceptable to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 02:41 PM
7

They have the audacity to try and get back into the dating market once they lock down a wife appliance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:31 PM
10

They minimize the labor bc it’s women doing it all. Because more often than not I see other women doing this Women can also have internalized misogyny. This is just two sides of the same coin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:29 PM
49

Can you imagine them trying that in a business venture with a partner? "Bob why don't you ever just chill anymore? We used to spend lots of time grabbing drinks after work." "Kevin you asshole I'm working 14 hour days because our business has grown. I don't have time for drinks since I'm doing my work AND yours." Men really expect us to believe they're world rulers when they're getting paid and the second they clock out, the brain stops too. Please.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:27 PM
31

Men don't want children, they want to be fathers. Its about identity and ego, not about the actual unique life that will be created.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:22 PM
26

It's heartbreaking to watch even on TV when the kids hear dad come home and they light up to go spend time with their loved parent, then the dad gives them full raucous attention for literally five minutes or less, then wanders off to "work late" or "relax". This is why men end up distant from their children, but they blame a woman for that too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:20 PM
38

"Why wife no time for happy pp" "Do some of the work so there's more free time for both of you." "No, wife mean."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:18 PM
21

Sorry what?? How did he not know?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:13 PM
49

They expect the early romance chemical attraction to stay for the duration of the marriage with no work from them. Dropping truth bombs today. That totally explains why my ex used "but I'm still here" as an explanation for why his emotional abuse shouldn't bother me. It always dumb founded me, like what does that have to do with anything? He really thought he had to just show up once we were committed. Bye boi
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 06:07 PM
24

You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 05:56 PM
27

He knows they do too because he lusts over his friends' girlfriends. Tbh he doesn't even know that, he's absolutely projecting that he would bang his friends if he could.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 05:56 PM
11

"Why isn't she reading my mind?" genuine confusion
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 05:57 AM
26

If this guy hated his first marriage so much, why would he want to do it again? Oh he does. He just wants it for the cheapest he can swing. Too many benefits in marriage to give up a wife appliance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 11:35 PM
26

I can't afford a house yet so I guess that means I'm a renter "against my will." It's not as if I could do anything to change that /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 02:05 PM
32

They like an echo chamber to convince them they're fine as is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 02:00 PM
114

IIRC a male angler fish leeches onto the first female they find because it's unlikely they'll find another.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/21 01:46 PM
21

Nah, that's shady af. At that point you're literally hiding your domestic life, wtf you have going on there that you can't share, wife and kids? I'd be assuming I was a mistress if I can't go to my boyfriend's place for no reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 03:51 PM
25

This is why I found it easy to forgive myself. I was operating with too much love and didn't keep enough for myself. It happened only because you were so good at giving so much love. That's a good thing. Now you just gotta redirect that love to yourself and others who deserve it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 02:35 PM
7

Men are so accustomed to being compensated for their time and energy that it's unfathomable it could be otherwise. Women are so used to being responsible that compensation isn't a forethought.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 02:30 PM
32

He loves her body, of course. I prefer "youth diggers" personally. They aren't after any pussy, they only want young preferably virginal pussy. This whole "I want a woman who's never been touched by a man" makes it really obvious that they're just using women's bodies and minds to play their fucked up version of "I'm king of the hill."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 02:28 PM
47

(he was otherwise clean in other areas though which made it extra confusing) My ex was super on top of the laundry and sheets, but never flossed his teeth. He was religious about sweeping the floor but snapped at me when I once asked if he knew how dirty the shower corner was (I shower without glasses, I didn't see it till I dropped a razor one day) and when we moved out he admitted he never used a toilet brush. They clean what matters to them and decide what they don't want to do is your respon…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 02:24 PM
70

Oh dear God. I misread that as 3 weeks. So...no. Gross. That poor girl slept on his dirty smelly clothes that probably haven't been washed since he moved into the place. I want to know how long he's lived there. Ew.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 02:17 PM
16

They did start calling Kate "Wait-y Katey" when William was dragging his feet. That was nowhere near the level of vitriol reserved for Meghan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 01:43 PM
20

This makes it easier by taking the guesswork out of it. They want to lead? They got it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 01:41 AM
57

They think their sperm is the prize
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 01:17 AM
7

Girl picks creative toy? She must already be looking out for boys! What a sweet selfless little girl /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 01:51 PM
41

What are they running away from? The reflections of their self-identity, reflected in others perspectives. Also, why is it SO easy for them to abandon their families Since their self identity is a reflection of others opinions of them, removing the "others" allows him to build a new self identity from the ground up. For example, perhaps as a lady killer for some sweet young thing. (Side note: how disturbing is that term?) When that doesn't work out, he realizes he grass he had was pretty green a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 01:26 PM
13

If he wanted to, he would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 02:34 PM
7

With all the sexualization that happens to our infants (onesies with "ladies man" or "future trophy wife"), you really don't know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:42 PM
61

Story time! My college bf was crap and I didn't realize how bad the sex was, except that it wasn't good. Of course I thought it was my fault. While we're at the store I see a silicone lubricant and had been wanting to try it to see if it made sex better. Asked if to split it and he told me "no, that was my thing." Yes I ashamed to admit now that I bought it. Live and learn! Edit: On the flip side, the ex I just left bought a crap ton of cleaning supplies in bulk and when we moved out admitted to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:25 PM
26

He did not prioritize maintaining a healthy relationship with his wife. He doesn’t and did not value being an active, regular, dependable presence in his children’s lives. Right, he's a shitty human.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:02 PM
16

I know this sub isn't into older men with younger women, but my one ex was the exception. I'm glad you had that experience, but since he initially wouldn't date you due to the age gap, I feel like that doesn't put him in the same category as predatory men who seek out age differences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:00 PM
15

This explains why men are able to find rebound relationships so fast too. It's not about quality, it's about presence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 12:56 PM
35

Some LVM are never satisfied with a woman's appearance. They want her insecure so she never stops "improving" herself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 12:53 PM
71

Frail women eat less too, which means more food for him. Don't forget ladies, everything you don't receive in a relationship goes to him instead. Time, attention, even food.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 12:52 PM
52

It's seems to be one of those things where you either do it or you don't. As long as they're clean and trimmed you're fine. Personally I go through phases where I paint mine consistently for a while (always at home) and then I don't for a while. Just depends on my mood, time and energy lately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 12:40 PM
23

"Sometimes men just want to be the little spoon! But men arent2 allowed to be vulnerable and emotional!" "But sex doesn't always have to be intimate and special!" It's less mixed message than it sounds, both of those messages combined set up women to expect to receive little to nothing while focusing on giving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 04:03 AM
147

How is gathering intel harassing? Harassing involves contact with the target. You're researching to see if you should run.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 03:20 PM
9

And who spent that training pining for him to be the one she serves. Don't forget the pining, men love to be pined over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 02:42 PM
173

That explains why he mentioned he "didn't even have a photo of her even". He was super focused on that. You're right. He was planning on baby trapping her. I wonder how he impregnated her, was it planned or an actual birth control failure?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 04:26 AM
73

My ex would absolutely have spun this on me. He saw all the concessions I made in the relationship as my personal decisions. So if I ate all the banana taffies one round I wouldn't get more strawberry next time, because I "chose the banana last time and he chose strawberry this time." No, asshole, I didn't "choose" banana, I accepted it on the assumption that we would share the banana burden and strawberry sweetness. They'll push you down into accepting something and then won't accept responsibi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 02:57 PM
120

I'm wondering if maybe his favorite was strawberry and she always got more of the banana ones so that's why he remembered it as her favorite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 02:35 PM
59

Let's see the ex catch a squirrel with his bare hands lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 02:34 PM
26

I've said it before and it seems like a good time again: Privilege is being able to choose to notice/care about/participate in an issue. Most don't have that choice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 01:46 PM
13

This was a satire video.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 01:44 PM
88

Anytime someone calls me a name I don't accept, I throw it back to them and don't keep it. Bro, sweetheart, darlin', kid, dude, anything that's essentially a placeholder name? You can keep it, I don't want it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 01:40 PM
45

We all have moments like that in the past. The important part is that they're all in the past. Plus, look at how much you've leveled up since then! I know what you mean though. My ex swore up and down he apologized for hitting me (no, "I didn't want that to happen" is not an apology) and I actually recorded the conversation where he later claimed he apologized...but I haven't been brave enough yet to go back and listen to my own pickme words lol. I know he didn't because it was the only thing I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 01:37 PM
16

One of my ex's father made a comment about how much turning 40 sucked because he had to start getting prostate exams and all the women informed him we get pap smears way before then and we would LOVE to have waited till 40 to just get a finger up the butt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 10:09 PM
48

He said women only need one dating profile picture of themselves, naked on a scale and holding a bank statement. He was reducing them to their bodies and his ability to mooch off them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 10:07 PM
45

Can you apply this to the incest porn trend?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 06:10 PM
49

Cars are useful, they find cars sexy for some reason, you literally get inside it, I'm sure there's more. I don't get it either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 06:09 PM
27

Or if he's physically abusive and/or murdery. Your life absolutely depends on vetting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 03:42 PM
25

I had a former boss with a messy romantic history and I was getting jealous vibes from her. I commented in a group conversation about how important getting enough sleep was to me and she told me I'd better get used to it as a mom. All I could think was "where was your husband while you were awake?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 03:39 PM
215

One of the things we teach our children is "adults ask other adults for help. If an adult is asking a child for help, they're being tricky." I suppose it applies here as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 12:38 PM
28

She got (almost) enough food, didn't she? /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/21 12:21 PM
15

apparently everyone knew he had a thing for me.. Uhh that makes it more obvious not less, people are weird.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 09:02 PM
138

My ex told me "of course he loved me, he's still here isn't he?" when I brought up his disrespect. I remember thinking "wtf does that matter, I'd rather you not still be here if you're going to keep this shit up." They really think the crumbs are enough for a meal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 07:04 PM
610

Young boys arguing that "vulnerability means permission" is proof that rape culture exists. Where else would they have possibly picked that up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 05:48 PM
25

We know not to cast pearls before swine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 04:46 PM
22

Or people assume you have an eating disorder you're hiding and don't believe you when you say you don't and keep pestering you to "just admit it."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/21 11:58 AM
36

It's because for the longest time he was famously a bachelor so he represented the American male dream, forever dating with attractive women jumping to be with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 10:49 PM
11

This reminds me of a piece of advice I heard that really fucked with my perfectionist tendencies: "Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly" i.e. "The perfect is the enemy of the good." If sex is worth doing, it's worth doing and doesn't need to be perfection each time. Wear a fucking condom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 03:07 PM
16

They don't want a baby, they want you to carry their baby. Almost sounds the same but it's not at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 03:02 PM
8

IUD hurt for like 5 minutes and some cramping afterward Sounds like your experience was "as expected." I've heard horror stories of women in excruciating pain during the procedure and then having to take unplanned sick time because they were told they could go back to work after. I'm never getting an IUD, it's too much of a gamble.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/21 02:53 PM
16

It's one of the tactics described in The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. Highly recommend, it gave me permission to trust myself when no one else did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 04:25 PM
93

instead of saying nothing, I responded "well, can I ask what your intention was?" He was shocked and sputtered some nonsense reply. Male privilege is being outraged at being expected to explain yourself. We're so used to explaining ourselves and still having it dismissed, I wonder what it's like to live in a world where you assume you won't have to explain yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 04:22 PM
52

Men frame women as talkative because they talk. Not because they talk more, because they talk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 04:20 PM
44

"You're making me feel bad" As if that was my doing. They really do take criticism as hate. I told my ex once that was a hypothetical solution to a problem was self sabotage and he immediately blew up and called me hateful. It wasn't criticism about him as a person or even an action he'd done. It was one he was thinking about and I was "hateful" for calling it giving in, self sabotage. The projection is strong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/21 04:19 PM
17

I was relaying something he'd said that I knew was over the line but I hadn't realized how blatantly not okay it was until she made a face after I told her. It was an instinctive reaction from her and the expression she wore was a mix disgust and surprise. Turns out all I needed was someone on my side for once who could tell me "yes that is not okay and you are right to be upset" and then I could take it from there. My parents groomed me (unintentionally) to be ripe for abuse; when I called my m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 03:24 PM
95

I can attest to this. My ex once mentioned our landlord might be dipping his toes into local politics. In that same conversation he mentioned speaking to the landlord's wife, and I never knew she existed so I was surprised and said I had no idea he had a wife. My ex got excited and said "you gotta! You gotta!" I assumed he meant 'you need free domestic labor to focus on a career' but I asked him later and he meant 'being married and having a wife legitimizes you in society's eyes, you gotta get …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 01:32 PM
144

I did make appointments for individual therapy and it was those sessions where I realized he was doing a good job of manipulating me. We broke up shortly after lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/21 01:22 AM
37

a sort of gel you smear on your shoulders to reduce your sperm count as long as you keep applying it everyday Talk about putting the burden of contraception on their shoulders lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/21 11:42 PM
4

Because if it makes the good men suffer for bad mens choices they will hold those men accountable so we c a n all be free. Isnt that the point of law? I don't gripe about sobriety checkpoints for the same reason. It holds other drivers accountable so I put up with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 03:14 PM
9

They're too accustomed to women doing literally every other emotional labor for them, so why did we stop here /s Lazy and entitled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 02:40 PM
29

I saw a screenshot of men complaining that women are on tinder just to promote their only fans account, they were complaining it wasn't appropriate to mix functions like that and I was cracking up because men have been interjection sex into work forever. But now women interject work into sex and suddenly it's a problem lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/21 02:23 PM
34

That blog post wasn't trying to make women sound petty, he was saying "omg guys I thought my wife was so petty until she divorced me, yall she means it, it would have been so much better for me if I'd put my glass in the dishwasher instead of being divorced now." He dgaf about her until it affected him. And even then he only cares because it would have meant he wouldn't be divorced. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 04:50 PM
35

Damn he's still thinking about you even with another woman. Let it go bro.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 04:38 PM
28

If men were truly fearful of blood they wouldn't be willing to fight with one another. They don't care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/21 04:35 PM
42

They put on a suit just for you and wear it because it's worth the narcissistic supply they extract. In fact, it's quite fun for them to exchange several masks to wear the one they concocted just for you. Welp, this explains why my abusive ex thought my wearing his favorite nail polish was "me trying to bribe/reward him" into doing what I wanted and I remember thinking "...wtf are you talking about??" Oh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 09:41 PM
37

They’d do just enough that I couldn’t put my finger on it or call it out Abusers require plausible deniability to operate effectively.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/21 02:37 PM
19

Right? That was panic shit-talk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/21 08:48 PM
50

But any system that ISN'T based on capitalism ensures everyone suffers on an equal level You're really gonna sit there and say you're okay with oppression so long as some people have it better than others? Then you're part of the problem. If everyone suffered equally, everyone would be equally motivated to solve the problem collectively.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 03:42 PM
5

I've met plenty who would do this, much fewer those who would be self aware enough to tweet it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 03:29 PM
12

This has to be satire...right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 10:24 AM
27

I couldn't believe how blatantly unprofessional and unhinged he was on display, with absolutely zero consequences.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 10:21 AM
17

A man can only have one reputation, it must be protected at all costs. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 10:19 AM
27

Jfc this hurt to read. My abusive ex would seriously try to convince me not to hold him accountable for his shitty behavior because that was "short form, and [I knew him] long form." literally telling me he didn't want to have an adult conversion about his actions because it would make him feel bad. If my talking about your actions makes you feel bad, do better. It's that simple.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/21 10:06 AM
16

YES
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 08:17 PM
105

Shortly before the end, my ex told me he wanted "to take [me] on a trip" but he didn't want to plan logistics. So I plan a lovely trip for the two of us, thinking he might propose, factored in his tastes and mine and honestly hit it out of the park. When I gave it to him with the fruits of my efforts he hits me with "how do you want to split it". It wasn't too long before he became more blatantly abusive. Stinginess in wallet comes from lack of generosity of spirit. I'm super frugal in everythin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 08:14 PM
16

IMO it's so hard because it's the first time you're examining those relationships with fresh eyes and, most importantly, no bias to maintain the relationship. So you look at how they've treated you in the past and made you think it was okay for reasons but you know you never would have treated them that way. And now, looking back, you're realizing they did take advantage of you in unacceptable ways and it feels like a betrayal of your bond. They only did those things because you were so close. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 05:48 PM
32

Kings hate controversies Never have a differing opinion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/21 12:33 PM
24

It's hard to believe people like this actually exist I think this is why I stayed as long as I did. I truly believed that no one was beyond redemption, no one was that broken. I believe now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 06:38 PM
44

The gymnastics is impressive sometimes. My ex once told me he hoped I "understood and appreciated that he couldn't talk to anyone about [hitting me]." And then later when I brought that up, he lied and claimed he never said appreciated. He definitely did. I have receipts. He also much later claimed that he apologized for hitting me in that same conversation, which he didn't. It's all spun to protect ego. It's not always based in reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 05:42 PM
18

Huh. In my experience, if you respond calmly to his anger, he turns violent so quick it makes your head spin. The one ex who hit me did it after he tried to start a fight, I said I didn't want to fight, he said 'okay' and kept going, so I shouted "OKAY!" and that mfer hit me. Clearly I was supposed to take the bait and prove how I was on his level, he couldn't stand that I stood above so he had to make himself feel better by making me feel worse. I'd always wondered how he flipped that switch so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 03:41 PM
19

I thought of this when I read "you're cute when you're angry." This would work in a public setting but I'd be concerned about physical violence in private.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 03:37 PM
43

It's because rising during a seated argument is an escalation. Your gut is recognizing that he's stepping onto the "violence escalation staircase" - first step is raised voices, then physical intimidation (e.g. standing to make himself taller than you), then violence toward objects, then violence toward you. I once joked that my ex who hit me skipped the "hitting objects" step and skipped right to hitting me. My pickme mother had the brightest flash of insight in her life when she told me "no he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 03:36 PM
19

it wasn't that i attracted them, it was that i didn't push them away at the begining because I lacked boundaries and would justify any bad behavior All kinds of people will come into your life. You have to ask yourself, however, why you let some of them stay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 03:49 PM
10

Lol maybe we should replace men with robots then. It's a lot easier to replicate strength and a dick than a pleasant personality and the female reproductive system.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 03:39 PM
23

Womb envy (i.e. nondisposableness) is why I think the patriarchy exists. Men saw how little a role they played in the world and tried to "fix" it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 03:33 PM
19

And then we're back to humans, only they don't have to feel as guilty as they do for humans.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 03:26 PM
39

My dad also used to pull the Silent Treatment when my mom had displeased him. He'd basically ignore us and go hang out in his shop at the back of the property. We always had to hide our disappointment that our peace was over whenever he decided we'd been "punished" enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 03:22 PM
18

Being attractive, highly competent at your work, and confident is a liability. Especially if you’re generally pleasant to work with and not the archetypical Ice Queen Career Woman. Oh look, where I went wrong in my 20s. I self corrected by downgrading my appearance and pleasantness, it mostly worked. Mostly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/21 02:54 PM
118

No, in his mind she was a whore who accepts food as compensation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 01:56 PM
57

He built a bed frame and couldn't keep going with a small ladder?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/21 07:29 PM
13

My ex loved, loved, LOVED my cats. He almost never scooped the litter and he rarely fed them (my cats, my responsibility). Idc about that. He played with them, that was great. He totally got all the fun of pets without any of the responsibilities. My favorite part is when we moved out (and he hadn't been playing with them for 1.5 or 2 months, even with me reminding him he was about to lose access to them) and he asked me if he could come over to my new place to play with them. I'm moving out to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 02:40 PM
10

Will also run into “why won’t you give me the benefit of the doubt? I got this one a lot. Also "you're using this ONE THING to make me a bad person" as if I was supposed to rug sweep every time he does one thing wrong. Biggest red flag I should have paid more attention to: He accused me of calling him a "bad person" more than once when we fought. Someone who hears that is already thinking it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 02:26 PM
19

My ex accused me of enjoying conflict because I didn't shy away from airing my grievances or responding legitimately to his. I can clearly see now he expected me to fold like a cheap card table.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 02:23 PM
22

I did the opposite, I refused to let it go. Now, I hate conflict. It makes me physically shaky and it's just not a good time. But I used to believe that my ex was worth getting through the uncomfortable fight to resolve it. Except things weren't being resolved. He would argue with me, expecting me to give in (he told me I "leaned into" the conflict, which baffled me. How else will you get through it if you don't lean into it? Red flag, I was just supposed to get tired and give up) and then when …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 02:11 PM
7

It does in the animal world, veterinarians will neuter animals by removing sex organs. They call it spaying for female-specific (cats and dogs anyway) and neutering for males although the male-specific is castration. Just another instance where the male co-opted the neuter in addition to the masculine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 06:15 PM
10

Neuter is more specific than neutral, neuter refers to neither male nor female.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 05:20 PM
53

I walk shoulders back, spine straight and take up space where I am. It is slightly masculine but it sends a subconsious message you have masculine energy. You can be feminine as you want and still convey masculine energy. Not disagreeing with any of this but I wanted to dissect this: I read an article that men have co-opted the 'neuter' in addition to the 'masculine,' leaving women with only the 'feminine.' This is why when women act with self-respect and humanity, we are accused of "wanting to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 02:16 PM
2

Women are punished by the things that exalt men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 02:04 PM
23

Abusers get angry when their expectations haven't been met. I'm never upset at mcdonalds for not having mozzarella sticks but I would be furious if they were out of fries. Anger comes from unmet expectations. That's why you get angry when someone is a jerk because you expect fair and kind treatment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 02:13 AM
94

No lie, I didn't get this until I watched Inside Out and they spelled out so clearly that every basic emotion is a call to attention or action. Fear is a call to pay attention to physical safety, Anger is a call to pay attention to an injustice, Sadness is a call for connection, and Joy is a call to pay attention to the pleasures of the world. And they're all on your side.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 02:11 AM
94

I dipped as low as I could on my last relationship while still having a spark to work with, in the hopes that he would be better. Nope, that was the only relationship where I was hit. Fuck no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 03:47 PM
50

I'm flashing back to the time a couple of college friends wound up accidentally pregnant - with twins. I overheard all the guys were congratulating the guy on his "job well done" and had to confirm they were in fact congratulating him for producing twins. When they said they were, I politely informed them it was she who had done the heavy ovulating for there to even be two eggs to fertilize - I told him he was spraying fertilizer and of course it was going to catch anything there. Thank your wif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 01:36 PM
60

We know it's all projection at this point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 06:45 PM
24

He was so kind and respectful. He would have made a wonderful husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 05:11 PM
1

Huh. Toward the end I was of course noticing all the signs but I just realized that the first time he screamed at me was the next month after I turned 30. When I brought it up later (he showed token effort and I didn't know better) that we'd been together for 2 years without those things being issues and suddenly they were screamable offenses - he said things were getting serious and it was time to sort out anything. That was obviously a red flag, which I've seen for a while. But I never noticed…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 07:05 AM
9

This is spot on for him. He knew I wanted a kid and when he was emotionally abusing me to try and train me to bow down to him, he told me we needed to get past that particular conflict because we had Big Important Events upcoming and I told him "that time line is irrelevant until we get this straightened out" and if we couldn't then I would rather find a good fit and then have a kid. He knows I've always wanted a child. Yall. This man then said "hypothetically" in an attempt to make me worried a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 04:08 PM
12

My ex didn't yell at me for the first time until 2 years in. I have combed my memory for the red flags had to have missed in my pickme days and I can't find any. I probably didn't recognize them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 03:24 PM
15

I saw someone say FDS supported traditional gender roles and that was when I stopped reading because they'd obviously skimmed. I can see how skimming would lead to that conclusion but it's evidence of misrepresentation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 03:20 PM
7

Always always always reevaluate the relationship T the 4 month mark. Abusive men have nearly always started to let their hair down by then.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 03:00 AM
15

Same lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 02:37 AM
58

They're literally teaching that women won't verbalize consent so you have to get them alone "because of the implication." Predatory as fuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 02:36 AM
47

IIRC it was $2000
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 02:48 AM
12

And to add on, why prioritize giving him a chance before giving yourself one? Huh, yup. "Giving him a chance" means disregarding your own intuition. Men rely on plausible deniability and if we listened to our guts instead of our social conditioning then we would never be so lenient.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 04:26 AM
4

tHaT was HeR cHoICe thO /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 03:34 AM
36

My ex used to tell me "you made your choice, I didn't ask you to do that" whenever I'd bring up times I compromised. No insight, no accountability to the role he played.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 09:09 PM
84

They want to be married, they just don't want her to be able to stop it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 09:04 PM
2

Any response to a creep is a positive response in their eyes In scientific terms, a negative is a lack of stimulus and a positive is the presence of a stimulus (regardless of whether it's considered to be good or bad) so you're spot on. ANY response has them going "A-ha, I pushed a button and made her do a thing. Again!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 08:43 PM
4

I mute so I don't get the notifications but this is why I don't block. It's recommended in The Gift of Fear too, if they know one avenue is now a dead end then they'll redirect their efforts into finding a new way to communicate with you. I like to keep an eye on anything, just in case. But never respond, they're not worth it. It'd just encourage them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:47 AM
2

I mute so I don't have to be alerted to it immediately but this is why I don't block. Gavin de Becker (in The Gift of Fear) recommends not blocking the line of communication because that is still a response, he recommends silently monitoring and reporting to police if necessary. And never once responding, no matter what.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:43 AM
3

They expect those "oh, poor wounded bird" soothing instincts to take over lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:28 AM
3

Good call on not showing him how to hide that red flag from the next girl. Hopefully she picks up on it too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:25 AM
5

Only the selfish force trust (because they need you to trust them so they can whatever). Normal people let it develop because they know you can't manufacture genuine trust. People who get annoyed you don't feel as close to them as they've decided you should are a big fat no from me. No one gets to dictate how I feel or give me shit for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:21 AM
3

This is anecdotal but IME people who say "this is me, this is who I am" are stagnating developmentally. When you're open to growth you're less likely to think of yourself as set in stone. My ex used to say those things and finally once explained he felt like he was abandoning 'who he was' if he significantly changed (i.e. started being more considerate of me). Just my experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:17 AM
2

I've commented this before but I still can't get over the time I provided therapeutic support for over three hours and recommended professional therapy at the end. He asked why would he need to find a therapist when he had me and when I asked if that was fair to me it was clear he'd never considered that. He was big on 50/50 too lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:09 AM
3

The only time a boyfriend (now ex) ever hit me was in the car while he was driving. Don't tell me he didn't know the power he held over me as driver of the vehicle I was in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 06:58 AM
20

Last month I moved out of the place I shared with my now ex. The washer had a spot for the laundry detergent and it said 'insert detergent here.' He was dumping it directly on top of the clothes, not even at the bottom of the drum. I started doing my own laundry shortly after that, there was no telling what else he didn't know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 06:44 AM
23

He did. He blamed the dryer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 06:40 AM
150

people used ‘vanilla’ to describe natural intimacy between two people vanilla was so intricate, so complex, heavy and yet delicate a spice to work with. She also said the good stuff was seriously expensive. Tbh it makes sense when you describe it like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 03:00 PM
7

IME men think that's the worst thing you can do to them and it deserves an immediate apology and also you have to stop whatever you did to make them feel bad in the first place. "You hurt my feelings" is a sure fire conversation ender for abusive men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 03:52 PM
95

Men also think you're compromising when you're sacrificing. My ex, the only one who ever hit me, used to tell me he didn't need to meet me halfway because "it was my choice to [insert inane topic]." I always thought he saw that I was moving toward him with the expectation he would sometimes move toward me in kind. He neither moved toward me nor was kind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 03:48 PM
136

receives repeated low effort, breaks up to find better "this is why y'all are single" Lol that's the point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 03:45 PM
4

They’ll have “coming to Jesus” moments followed by words that you’re hoping to hear. I believed it the first time. I didnt believe it the second time. It was apparent by then that it was all lip service. I moved into the guest room shortly after. Guess who tried to blame me for the relationship ending because I wasn't sleeping in his bed anymore?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 02:47 PM
21

they think they deserve the Ideal Woman TM just for existing. I've also met the unhygienic, ungroomed, overweight gamer with a good programing job who also believed he deserved a 10 without any effort (e.g. brushing his teeth) on his part, but deserved to be recognized for his heart. Which means he expected women to be mind readers and immediately understand how wonderful he is deep down. There's no convincing them otherwise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 03:32 PM
42

I got my first "kys fds user" dm this week. It felt like a kitten swiping and hissing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 10:41 PM
2

I’m not convinced he heard what he wanted. I said his ego heard what it wanted. For all his blustering and posturing, his ego was primed to hear shit about him because that was how he already felt. Of course it's a manipulative tactic, that doesn't mean it's conscious. Whatever the reason, it's your cue to leave, that's all. And no, it didn't make me comfort him. Just because he was being defensive and manipulative doesn't mean I fell for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 11:32 PM
14

So many times I heard "I'm not a bad person!". I never said he was a "bad person", I just said his behavior was hurtful. Flashbacks. Dear lord the number of times I wondered "where the fuck did that come from, I never even thought that" but his ego heard what it wanted. He wouldn't go to therapy either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 06:22 PM
23

Men expect mommy love Truth. My ex thought it was fine to tell me I was pathetic and I had character flaws (i.e. things about me) but once when I told him an action he posited would be self-sabotaging, he raged and demanded to know "do you see how hurtful you're being? All you do is tear me down!" It wasn't until after this that I realized he had us on a double standard where he gets unconditional love and I get conditional love. There's no other way it makes sense (for him to simultaneously be …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 03:38 PM
35

Oh no don't throw trash in the ocean
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 11:07 PM
21

If you're trying to rob a house and have to force your way through resistance (i.e. a locked door) but the the house doesn't NOT to rob it...how can you be sure the robber knew the house didn't want to be robbed? /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 02:35 PM
111

"Let me talk to who makes the decisions around here."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 02:55 AM
2

I'm not convinced it's all conscious to specifically trade up but there's definitely a subconscious refusal to ever be without, however it ends up being rationalized.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 09:25 PM
28

My first thought was about "simps" aka men women want to be with, not put up with
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 12:39 AM
50

"Yeah, but what if girls use it to get revenge on guys" All I hear is "yeah but what if sex hurt for me"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 07:40 PM
83

No shit. I'd rather you hate me while I stand than like me when I kneel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 05:59 PM
93

I've recently been thinking about that because I wish I'd had strong female role models instead of all the pickmes in the church where I grew up. Religion actively fosters patriarchy and pickme culture so that's honestly a post on own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 05:58 PM
11

OMG that’s already real. Wow Ikr? It's sad that this had to be conceived, let alone actually invented.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 05:52 PM
55

That pants and skirts are gendered bothers me so much, especially when you get into the history of it. It wasn't that long ago (I read about this on Anne of Green Gables) that all infants wore baby dresses and when they grew into toddlers the boys wore shorts and the girls kept wearing dresses. And when they grew into adults the boys wore pants and the girls kept wearing dresses. I love dresses as much as pants (they're so much more comfortable at times) but I hate the history of it - that women…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 04:45 PM
148

So I pointed out (just before I left) that it wouldn't be a good idea if the first time their boys heard the word "no" was on a date. Queen energy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 04:40 PM
66

asked me why I "didn't just tell them no" about something after I did very loudly, multiple times They hear it, they just don't listen. That isn't what they wanted to hear so it can't be what you really said. They think there's two types of No, the "nah but it's up for debate" and "no." Until they see consequences that it's a No, their default is to assume it's "nah but I can debate." Which fine, whatever, but nobody ever TOLD me men heard two different Nos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 04:40 PM
71

sad that it had to be a point where you basically wear armor because someone won’t take no for an answer. Like the toothed anti-rape female condom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 04:36 PM
63

Santa: Children's first experience with a woman's invisible work being credited to a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 03:37 AM
95

High maintenance sounds worse than high quality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 08:57 PM
48

Idk I think the counselors are often fooled themselves or are making recommendations from internalized misogyny. I recently found out that my mom visited a counselor when my dad was at his worst and the counselor (rightly) recommended she leave. My mom got angry, because that wasn't an option for her, and left. She was refusing to accept any other solution besides "help me make my husband care he's hurting me", which is impossible. Some of them call it out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 05:01 PM
29

When "no thanks" is considered bitchy, you realize the only PoLiTe response doesn't include a "no" at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 04:17 PM
3

I entirely gave up on the kitchen counter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 04:58 AM
11

The wikipedia entry is easier :) https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misattribution_of_arousal
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 01:03 AM
7

It was apparent to me but I thought it could use explaining a little for anyone who still thinks paying 50/50 will prevent entitledness. I used to think it would too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 12:45 AM
2

the fake braces Nooo I didn't want to know that brb taking a shower
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 12:24 AM
30

just because something is arousing doesn’t mean it’s healthy There was a study that physiological arousal makes you more likely to believe you are attracted to someone. They had men walk across a high bridge and then interact with a female researcher. After being physiologically aroused by the height of the bridge, the men were significantly more likely than the control group to say they were attracted to her. Exciting does not equal safe/healthy/appropriate/mature. It just means it's exciting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 12:22 AM
46

They think it can, they don't realize their fragility.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 11:55 PM
13

Also, it never truly felt like my space because he owned more stuff and it took up most of the space. Yeah what's with the crazy amounts of stuff? Electronics, games, toys, gear, it's adds up really fast and takes up so much room.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 11:37 PM
19

There's a unique rage I feel when I clean up my place after a grown man has chosen to leave the mess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 11:30 PM
26

When my ex started becoming abusive, I let our lease lapse month to month (unsurprisingly I was the only one who bothered to keep up on that, even the landlord didn't ask about renewing, I had to). Never ever living with a boyfriend again. He pissed me off one morning by telling me something unempathetic and I'd just seen the FDS post 'you let a man into your life and now you annoyed by 9am' and it sent me. I'm moving into my sanctuary later this month and I cannot wait for my peace.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 11:28 PM
12

Live apart-ners. It's a thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 11:19 PM
26

they seemed very respectful and polite until they didn’t get what they wanted That is how LVM operate, unfortunately. (Editing to add: And that's on them.) And you can't know before they hear the first 'no'. there was a great comment talking about the movement to 50/50 from an older woman and she said going 50/50 never stopped men from disrespecting her or putting her in danger IME this is accurate. If a man is going to feel entitled to your body it won't matter if he paid for all the meal or ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 11:18 PM
28

“you’re acting like a bitch right now”. When In reality you’re just not acting the way they want you to. In my head canon, the proper definition of a bitch is 'a woman who isn't doing what a man wants her to do.' Edit: Forgot to mention that, based on my definition, I take it as a compliment when a man calls me a bitch. They can be butthurt that I don't accommodate them, idgaf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 04:48 PM
0

Defensive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 02:44 AM
6

I adore them, I didn't notice at first but they're lovely!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 02:41 AM
11

Even when exchanging vows, the groom traditionally says his vows first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 08:12 PM
10

Being preemptively defensive by going on the offensive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 03:06 PM
7

Those are the same guys who tell their families "we're going into labor" while grabbing a bite to eat because "it's going to be a long day" and then want to leave midway through to nap bevause they're so exhausted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 02:47 PM
7

It's sad to see that he doesn't care it is all an act. I'm assuming it's because he's also acting. It's familiar and comfortable, and he obviously doesn't know how to be authentic or motivated to have healthy relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 02:33 PM
17

She only got rid of him when she pretended to hit on him. He was out of the house in 12 hours. Jeez what's his problem. He should have been flattered by the compliment /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 09:27 PM
23

Stray men lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 07:57 PM
19

That's what bothered me the most, this whole "lucky" bit. Because she knows LVM are plentiful, but still. It's standard when he's compassionate. It's unlucky when he's not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:04 AM
108

All I see is "Help me impress you."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 02:53 AM
13

Anyways i responded later in the morning cuz i didn't want to text my ex late at night. He didn't open my message for 2 days. You waited one sleep so he waited two. So petty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 05:26 AM
30

It's a bAsIC nEeD that they haven't figured out they can handle themselves in 5min
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 01:51 AM
33

There's a big difference between non-negotiables and placing a girlfriend order. Non-negotiables are you enforcing your boundaries. Placing an order involves preferences. For example "No smoking" vs "Must be brunette" One is self-protection, the other is trying to fulfill a specific fantasy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 01:29 AM
31

That's just asking for it, come on. I know he's stupid but he can't really be that dumb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 12:09 AM
53

I legitimately believe LVM view women similar to cars, a machine with a functional purpose. They dgaf about what the car wants. A car wants, pfft what a stupid concept.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 12:08 AM
9

My ex used to be upset that I wanted less sauce on my meal. This was after I'd already told him that too much sauce ruins a meal for me. He was butthurt that I didn't approve and praise his every move.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 11:30 PM
59

It’s always the broke and/or unintelligent ones. That's why passing on their surname is so important to them, it's all they have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 01:26 AM
17

I've found a lot of LVM highly value their honesty, however they mat define it. I'd bet he isn't willing to lie about it, he just wants to drop it. He wants to have his shitty truth and a peaceful relationship and he knows they're incompatible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 10:31 PM
10

my ex would always say cheating is so stupid when you have a partner. This is concerning on its own, it's all about maintaining a supply. "It's stupid to steal your neighbor's electricity when you have your own."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 04:33 PM
84

"Trying to start a fight" because he knows his stance is unacceptable so he can't discuss it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 03:55 PM
12

Yeah! Exactly! Those fuckers
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 02:34 AM
81

She said they were going to his parents later (and that he would expect her to be pleasant company, of course). It's an abuser's tactic, pick a fight in private before a public outing so that they appear to be irritable for no reason. It makes it easier to sell the story later that they overreact. It's preemptive subtle smearing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 01:02 AM
45

Because having a woman you don't want is still better than having no woman. They need us and they know it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/20 12:39 AM
30

Yeah I've always felt the golden rule was a) pretty fucking basic to be labeled THE golden rule but whatever and b) still not quite there because we're all different. It's like Empathy For 6yos (good place to start, generally true) and the platinum rule is the golden rule for grownups (requires full blown empathy and communication to determine what they would want)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 04:02 PM
6

*education from pervasive patriarchal culture
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 03:33 PM
1

My ex labeled my self-defense as abuse. I just posted this in a longer comment but it directly relates: He once ran at me across the room during a fight and got in my personal space while I was just sitting on the couch. It freaked me the fuck out so when he got to me I stood up and pushed him back. Keep in mind he'd crossed the room to me so I only had to stand up to be able to push his chest away full force. (And then when I tried to leave, that fucker grabbed my arm to keep me from leaving.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 03:30 PM
2

My shortest ex was the only one who ever hit me. It's anecdotal evidence, but he definitely had an issue with his height (it was wrong on his DL and he always 'guessed' because he 'hadn't been measured in a while' and he STILL gave himself a few courtesy inches.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 03:02 PM
3

Men don't really hate gold diggers. They hate gold diggers they can't afford.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 02:43 PM
6

based on my lived experiences with these same men, I tend to believe that even high value men don't often see us as their human equals. They can come close, but they don't quite make it there. Can you expand on your experiences any?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/20 12:27 AM
54

Women are pressured all the time to get pregnant and have kids because it's deemed as important and "it's what makes a woman real". Once the baby is born though, being a mother is seen as a simple stupid thing, as inferior, as annoying. That's because women are only valued for our biology, which is somehow simultaneously denigrated, and our uncompensated labor. The patriarchy makes it clear our only value is what we produce (e.g. children, a clean home, dinner, facilitating social connections, e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 11:51 PM
3

A few months before my last relationship ended my ex said he wanted "to take me on a trip" if I would be willing to plan the logistics. I did 100% of the planning and when I presented it to him, I discovered he wanted to split it. Funny how that developed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 05:29 AM
15

Ya know what that tells me? He wanted to look like the nice guy but he didn’t truly care about what I wanted. So he did the “nice thing” and completely disregarded my desires. IME shitty men are all about their feelings first and how they appear second. If they can find a way to spin a selfish act into one that appears generous on the surface, they will. And those spins can be retroactive too. I wouldn't be surprised if he thought the chocolate ribbons in the vanilla ice cream would be close eno…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 08:05 PM
25

Or anxious about bringing up a problem you have with him, because you know it's going to lead to a fight and you've decided it's worth the fight to address the problem. It's not worth the fight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 07:56 PM
3

It's like Say Anything but without the boombox! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 03:16 PM
87

And when they're not it hurts. Sure, just mash your wilting erection into my vulva, I'm sure it'll magically glide into my vagina.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 04:15 PM
42

Guys like that love women like they love their possessions, like their car or phone. They legitimately love it and won't live without one, but it needs to do what he expects it to or he's out shopping for a new one the next day. Can't live without one, it fulfills too vital a function. They need us more than we need them, and they know it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:26 PM
4

Natural silver hair is GORGEOUS, you could absolutely rock it. And if you start rocking it now it'll be less of a transition when you age anyway so who'll notice? 💁‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:22 PM
86

You can't convince me that he loves her. Oh, he does. I've posted a similar comment before, here it is paraphrased: I love my car. I love my phone. I love what they do for me. I wouldn't want to live without one. But currently one of my tire sensors is out (the tire is fine) and my phone screen is cracked. Who cares? They're still doing what I need them to, and I've decided those problems aren't worth addressing. And if those problems became big enough to interfere with its functionality, I woul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:53 AM
45

This is quantity time. A lot of it but low quality. Quality time involves shared activities, not simply breathing together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:09 AM
24

If he didn't even know until after sex, how could she?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/20 02:47 PM
58

Religion upholds patriarchy, partly through things like this. IME this is exactly a Christian.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 06:56 PM
136

And he asked before the second date. Dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 11:52 PM
71

And then blame you for it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 11:57 PM
80

Anything short of the attitude of a loving mother toward a charming child is taken as proof as a lack of love. Well that explains why, when I told my ex that an action was self sabotaging, he told me I "don't care [about him] anymore" and asked if I heard how hurtful I was being. I'd been vaguely wondering how that was relevant, this makes a lot of sense. The best part is I actually once said I felt some people were forever frustrated that they'd been expelled from the womb and they seem to spen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 06:50 PM
28

"I am not trying to do this over text" But I'll push past the discomfort and do it anyway
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 07:21 PM
76

If you preempt it, you're horrible for assuming poor intentions. If you reject it, you're horrible for making a big deal about it. Classic patriarchal double bind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 10:42 PM
4

Because pickme culture denies that THAT worldview exists. It's an INTENTIONAL blanket of wool over women's eyes to shield them from the TRUE nature of men. I explained to my pick me mom why my last relationship ended (my ex literally told me he would provide emotional support for major life events but it was unreasonable for me to expect that daily). Before we broke up I told her that's where it was headed shortly and her first question *with no information" was "Happiest Elephant, are you expec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 09:07 PM
7

I like exploring my dark side ...vicariously. Also the point of shadow work is to bring that toxicity to light to deal with it, not to wallow in it. This makes me feel better about seeing shows I like on here haha. My ex never understood why I watched SVU and this is exactly why I did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:54 PM
8

I started watching because it was interesting. I started to hate Walt but sometimes it's fun watching someone choose to dig their grave with their shovel of bad decisions. I kept watching only for Jesse. Jesse deserved better than Walt. Walt literally ruined Jesse's life and IIRC he was blackmailed into it. Walt is the worst. His brief moment of near-redemption was right before he died (so no consequences hence no redemption) when he admitted he did it because he liked it. Also Walt kidnapped th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:51 PM
4

Can you explain this? I watched the movie years ago and all I remember is he had to fight her seven (I think) evil exes and it was a bigsexydeal when one of the exes turned out to be a girl. I was solidly a pick me then so I probably missed...everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:48 PM
10

The Office bothered me because Jim waffled so much and Pam waited around for everything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:45 PM
4

Honestly I'm a little surprised she didn't have him committed, especially after his "fugue".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:44 PM
5

the confidence of a white man who plays guitar It always kills me that a guy will act like he's rare and special for doing something really common like guitar or mountain biking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:38 PM
10

I say it all the time when women say to me 'I wish I had your confidence' or men say 'you're so confident' as if they're confused by it. It usually only happens at work. Sounds like pick mes who can't be assertive in any aspect, up to and including the workplace. I think work-assertive might be the gateway to life-assertive. Being objectively deemed worthy of a hire and fair compensation, then performing competently definitely increased my self esteem. It took a little longer for my personal lif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:33 PM
32

The last one he started ignoring right out the gate and his mother in law called him out on social media.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:26 PM
17

My ex was so sensitive to rejection that he stopped initiating. And since he wasn't doing anything to make me want him, we just stopped because I certainly didn't want to initiate to have orgasmless penetration while he had an orgasm. One time he didn't finish and you could tell that really threw him off while I'm there thinking "wow, you're really upset about this. Wonder how you'd feel if it was every time"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:25 PM
9

I think women think the males they are with are human with intact souls and empathy but they're just too stupid to realize how callous they are being. I just learned this lesson the hard way. I really thought he didn't see or understand how much what he did hurt me. It wasn't until I was finally able to detect the pattern of emotional invalidation and use that knowledge to confront him about my boundaries and what I needed from a partnership. His exact words were "I'm not going to do that, I sho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 08:05 PM
13

My parents did that too and I always believed it. Until I realized that, even if I am "too sensitive", wouldn't you want to be more sensitive to me since you know that's how I am? It's such a lack of compassion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 07:48 PM
12

Selfcenteredness might not be conscious or intentionally spiteful (though it could be) but it can still cause harm. Impact matters more than intent. It doesn't matter what their intention was (i.e. whether they were a narcissist or just truly oblivious), you've learned all you need to know - it isn't going to work out. Boy bye
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 07:46 PM
15

Men HATE it when women approach first. They always talk about how they love it, but they really dont. They love the ego boost of a 0% chance of rejection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 07:39 PM
214

"If you're going to assume all men are terrible then it doesn't matter what I do, you'll label it terrible because I'm a man, so it doesn't matter if I actually engage in terrible behavior - you're only saying it's terrible because i'M a MaN ugh"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 07:21 PM
59

He keeps saying "oh they're a bit weird" but he obviously enjoys their "dark" humour and probably agrees with their views about women. Even if he doesn't agree with it completely, he clearly doesn't find it offensive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 06:38 PM
19

Oh geez he mixed up a UTI and a pregnancy 😟
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/20 05:49 PM
25

this queen is playing tennis at 77 This is life goals right here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 01:32 AM
15

Man: chooses to place communal object in best spot for them individually Woman: requests assistance for needed communal object placed solely considering on greg's height Man: I can do everything on my own! Women need help, gross. It would be like not making things kid-friendly and blaming them for needing help. You should have considered and accommodated them from the start.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 01:08 AM
11

And if he continues to pursue her, he's seen as romantic and "deserving for his efforts."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 07:19 AM
50

Oh you've met my mother? She settled so hard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 07:05 AM
12

Taking power from women is their power. When women keep our power, they're irate without it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 05:52 AM
19

That's the most irritating part. You're not even going to try to make me orgasm, but yours has to be a certain way? Fuck that noise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 05:50 AM
10

I studied psychology and my ex once told me "god! Fighting with you is like fighting with a couples counselor" and how is that bad exactly? That should have been my last clue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 11:08 PM
114

And it wasn't even "I'll dump her now at 27, she still has time" - he's deliberately planning to string her heart along until he finds the right one. She's spending her days on him, he knows it's being wasted and he dgaf. It's psychopathic. And who's supposed to be afraid of being single again?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 09:03 AM
16

"And how many came back for more?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 06:24 PM
15

"Stop making us feel ashamed for calling out men's actions" "Stop making us dead for being alive near men"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/20 08:11 PM
69

The best part is that if he's sleeping with new partners, there's no way for his newest partner to know his penis wasn't bigger before she met him 😂 If he tried to show her photo proof he would be overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 09:03 PM
15

He was feeling it, that wasn't the problem. She wasn't feeling it, which is clearly unacceptable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 02:01 PM
8

People who want to do it sober but know they don't have the "I was sO wAsTEd" excuse
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 02:00 PM
10

I planned an escape room (home edition) for my ex. I kept it secret and hidden and it was honestly more frustrating than it was probably worth. When I gave it to him, he had fun and told me he knew how much I loved him. And he still treated me like crap for the next few months until we broke up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 06:08 PM
58

Had a miscommunication with my stylist and she cut it way shorter than I'd wanted, but what's done was done so I rocked it while I had it. First day back at work and no less than two men felt entitled to comment "I liked your hair better longer" ...idgaf and who asked you? And then the time I relayed that to a LVM ex and he couldn't see anything wrong with it till i pointed out how tone deaf it was and they could have instead said "I think longer hair looked better on you" (actually referencing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 02:49 PM
20

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car. I heard that from Christians.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 03:45 PM
6

He's a) reassuring himself that she did at one point b) hoping for a response that she admits she used to ("I knew I was lovable"), still does ("I knew I am lovable"), or doesn't anymore ("That heartless bitch") If she responds at all to his message, he wins her attention. That's all he wants.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 03:22 PM
5

Proofreading requires acknowledgement that what you're writing isn't for you, it's for your audience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 03:19 PM
5

Unless she wants to follow up, maybe, like...once. But if that were to turn into anything of course he wouldn't be rude and ignore her /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 03:17 PM
5

It felt very condescending to me too. "Please stay strong with that"? She doesn't need your encouragement to do well in life. It sounds like he's having trouble in his own life, needs support, and he's projecting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 03:16 PM
6

That was my favorite part. "We're so alike. I'm so fucked up."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 02:51 PM
65

The things he apologized for were all passive too. "For how our time went" "Sorry it did [end]" "Sorry - never wanted things to get bad and hurtful" "I'm sorry nothing I did was ever on purpose" "I want to apologize" "Feel bad my crazy got mixed up in your life. I'm sorry for that." I never once saw him apologize for what he said or did, just how things happened around him. Saying you 'want to apologize' isn't actually an apology. No reflection, no accountability.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 11:04 PM
49

Objects. Just like you love your car or your phone, they love women. Not for who they are but what they do. Cars and phones are replaceable to me, if mine (which, remember, I love, use daily, and always want to have) stopped working I wouldn't feel a shred of guilt for dropping it and getting a new one that did what I expected.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 08:17 PM
22

ReAl wOmEn SeE pAsT sKiN DeEP tO My hEaRt
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 08:14 PM
8

men that don’t care about your feelings often don’t care about your autonomy either. Excellent point. Both require respecting that everyone has an individual perspective; abusive men can't respect another's perspective as equal to their own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 05:11 AM
6

The shaking is because part of you can see this, somewhere deep down you recognize these deflections for what they are, but the rest of you is fighting against your intuition. Oof, that was a tough truth. Thank you for saying it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 05:04 AM
5

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 02:20 PM
58

He hopes this will bring closure...to her? If he wanted her to have had closure when it ended so 'suddenly', he would have. He's looking for closure for himself and pretending it's for her benefit alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 02:19 PM
9

Do you have a link?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 05:24 AM
15

When all you're getting is breadcrumbs, you can convince yourself it's a meal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 03:46 AM
115

Code ID-10T
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 03:53 AM
46

It's been a joke for a long time that "men never grow up, their toys just get more expensive."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 07:08 PM
11

Ooh, the poor women in his life. Not just the ones he's making bleed during intercourse but any woman he discouraged from seeking treatment because it's "normal" (like you)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 05:08 PM
20

I told a female gynecologist that I was interested in trying a new birth control pill, that the one I'd been on for 2 years was impacting my libido. Her immediate response was "It could be that, but we women tend to have our emotions affect libido" and refused to prescribe me a new treatment. Not cool, Carolyn Reeves
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 05:03 PM
61

because I kept making him "feel bad" for his awful jokes at my expense. Classic ego. "I feel bad because something I did was called out. I wouldn't feel bad if I wasn't called out so it's your fault. SOOTHE ME!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 04:47 PM
79

Hitting women isn’t as much of a thing now but still happens, but that not being as mainstream is probably a huge bruise to male power-fueled ego. This is accurate and I want to point out that physical abuse being less accepted is leading to more abuse of other types, namely emotional abuse, because they can no longer rely on escalating to physical violence. There is some strange stigma that you should be able to control your woman without having to resort to physical violence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 04:46 PM
80

If it truly was natural, we wouldn't need a lifetime of brainwashing to believe it and we wouldn't be fighting it now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 04:41 PM
31

But he makes a mean hard boiled egg!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 04:40 PM
284

It took the same amount of time to take, print, and place that photo as it would have to do the (checks picture) 4 dishes in the sink. Next time he wants a cooked meal put a printout of one on his plate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 10:08 PM
2

Ooh I forgot about him. He was such a bad husband. Lynette would have been happier on her own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 02:14 AM
1

I wish but unfortunately I doubt it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 02:10 AM
9

This reminds me of Wife Swap where two wives would live with the other family (husband and kids) for two weeks. The first week the wife absorbed the extant wife role in the home. The second week was a blast, the wife enforced her rules on the household and the rest of the family had to follow it. There were so many fragile male egos on that show.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 02:10 AM
10

I'm guessing she had to do a grocery run too, I k ow I rarely have the full ingredients for an impromptu 4 person dinner party. And the house didn't really need picked up? Doubtful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 01:52 AM
8

This is what stood out to me too. "I messed up and there were no consequences! I don't even have to make it up to her."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 01:50 AM
3

Now a person who isn't usually kind will see any "kind" act they do as the biggest deal in the universe and they should be worshipped for that. This is why LVM want prizes for not abusing, because they're fighting against that urge and they want accolades for their willpower to literally do nothing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 10:17 PM
6

And it's a red flag no matter how "joking" they are when they say it. Humor has a seed of truth, there was a reason that thought popped into his head at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 10:10 PM
6

They rely on women and want us to rely on them to even the score.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 06:58 PM
16

Even if were the breadwinners, we still pick up the lion's share of all the emotional and physical labour for tending to home, kids etc. There's a documented reason for this. When a man feels his culturally-assigned-masculinity has been lowered, he refuses to take on other feminine-coded tasks such as housework and childcare. The male ego is the most dangerous animal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 06:22 PM
16

Money directly translates to security and resources. If a woman chose to raise her child in a wooden shack when she could have raised that child in a brick home, she would be judged for not doing all she could for her children. I think they want the children in the house and her in the shack. That way she can't possibly benefit from her gold-digging /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 06:19 PM
43

I've only known one person in my entire life that had PMS (honestly it was probably something more serious but we all know the medical research is nonexistent on women's health) and that was a coworker. I've never had friends, roommates, relatives, etc where they had noticeable mood swings except for that ONE coworker. It's definitely played up to invalidate legitimate issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 03:23 PM
10

I prefer it when they state it so obviously that "I'm only interested in me, you can be almost amyone." Men aren't selling on the dating market, they're buying. When they act like sellers, that tells me the one thing I need to know about them which is, not for me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 03:19 PM
60

I guess a girl crying is nothing special. And if you'd trashed and damaged the house, you would have been expected to take accountability for your actions. Which is why you didn't do that in the first place. Because you've grown up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 03:09 PM
48

Spot on. Men are validated from day one, women are invalidated from the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 03:07 PM
60

Yes dear, men have ReASoNs for their anger. We do not. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 03:06 PM
37

There's been some weird cultural push to have anger rebranded as "passion." No, "passion" doesn't exist on it's own, you have to be passionate about something. Also the definition for passionate says it's a "barely controlled emotion." Passion is not necessarily what we should aspire to without the requisite self control to manage your actions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 03:05 PM
140

Stonewalling isn't just immature, it's abusive. You're presenting yourself as a stone wall to the person trying to connect with you. Infants have died from that kind of lack of parental affect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 03:02 PM
111

Why do people keep insisting that men are less emotional!? No periods
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 03:01 PM
96

There is a difference between being emotional and being emotionally immature And that difference is ONLY in how you EXPRESS your emotions. It's perfectly fine to have them, but manage them like the adult you are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 03:00 PM
7

It helps to keep in mind that narcissism is a normal personality trait so everyone has it to some extent. I'd argue that pick mes even need to up their narcissism because it's a good thing in appropriate levels. Too little and you become codependent and rely on others for your self esteem, too much and you think everyone's responsible to raise your self esteem. It isn't that some people are Narcissists and some people aren't. Everyone has some narcissism, which can make it seem like they're ever…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 02:19 PM
10

I've been doing some heavy research into boundaries and narcissistic manipulation tactics, I highly recommend it. Mostly because setting proper boundaries makes me feel like a bit of a bitch since it's putting myself as my focus and trusting my judgments which I'm NoT sUpPOsEd tO Do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 01:21 PM
13

Of course it was my fault because I “went about it the wrong way." Classic. Btw this is you giving up your power by accepting responsibility for someone else's emotional state. If you believe that "if you'd done it the right way" you wouldn't have caused drama. You never "make" someone feel anything. They may react and they may be hurt, but that isn't your fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 01:09 PM
122

"I've never hit a woman! Why aren't they backwards crab walking to me vagina first?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 09:54 PM
6

Strategic incompetence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 03:50 PM
6

"I would never want to be part of a club that would have me as a member."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 03:42 PM
12

Nope, a sex doll wouldn't have positive reactions. What they want is the ego boost of her enthusiastically accepting what he deigns to offer. It's their thought and the effort that counts, not the impact on another human being /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 03:38 PM
6

Then they misunderstand stoicism. It's about not expressing negative emotions or complaining. It doesn't mean upi don't still feel or think it, you just allow it to pass without action. Stoic is becoming misunderstood as "so tough I don't even HAVE feelings" which is the complete opposite of what it actually is. It's the full acceptance of emotions, or the rejection of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 01:20 PM
71

To be fair he never said he treated her better or even that he loved her. He said he knew she was the one because she was always there, unconditionally loving him, and after taking it for granted (which can't have been pleasant for her) then he realized her unwavering devotion to him made her the one. It was all about him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 04:08 PM
11

Agreed, from that excerpt they're advocating that a cool pickup line or cool story should be enough to offer them your vagina (not even your body, just the vagina) for their pleasure. The audacity of thinking empty words, or a "false gift," is an even trade for someone's actions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 03:01 AM
2

Whoa, a $400 hairdryer? Damn, that's an impressive gift!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 02:49 AM
12

"I didn't know you needed to be wet!" That's an embarrassing way to say you know nothing about sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 10:51 PM
28

Excellent point. The red flag here was him speeding up when she said slow down but unfortunately the flag was warning her he was going to do something unacceptable (pinning her down to finish) which happened immediately after. Because the flag and the unacceptable action happened back to back, she's conflating them into it all being a red flag. I don't accept "I was too horny/drunk to know what I was doing." If that's the case then you shouldn't put yourself in the position to make decisions you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 10:49 PM
61

Common doesn't mean healthy or even normal. Ot just means it's common.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 01:37 AM
5

That's exactly why they bring it up. They believe they should be getting kudos for not doing it because they're actively restraining themselves from it at times. If you don't think it's okay to use violence, you wouldn't even think to mention that you could or expect anything for not utilizing it. I never tell my pets "I know you can't go outside right now/I can't play with you but hey, at least I don't hitcha!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 04:32 PM
5

He even said loyal and not a cheater. On that short list, 40% of it was about not fucking around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 04:30 PM
3

Loyal and not a cheater? That's two names for the same thing. Methinks the man doth protest too much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 04:29 PM
3

They're only "not sure" that they want to leave, it isn't that they're "not sure" if they should stay. Too good to leave...for now. It would be like finding a bus stop in the rain when you know the buses aren't running and you can't see another covered place in sight. You know there are, but is it worth leaving the semi-cover of the bus stop in the rain? Nah, not yet. Let's wait until it's not providing me as much benefit once the rain clears.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 04:26 PM
3

I've never been thanked before for performing my own mental load, it kinda feels good lol. I love useful words, ones that condense a thought or an idea into one word, and this was a good one! It reminds me of an ex who always asked me what words meant and then got mad when I sent a screenshot of the definition. Hahaha, why?? You provided the definition to him, you did what he asked. Unless he was illiterate? Congrats on the 'ex' part, well done sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 01:05 PM
2

And nonverbal communication is still.. communication. Most of language is nonverbal anyway. You don't have to talk to be effective, in fact that can be blurrier than an action (e.g. saying "I'm so happy to see you again" with no action vs giving them a greeting hug with no words)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 12:58 PM
1

Are women who excuse, trivialise, accept, incentivise bad behaviour responsible for exactly this behaviour being considered acceptable? Yes. And they are not the victims. HARD pass. All those pick mes who make those excuses absolutely are victims of a patriarchal culture. One of the tenets of FDS is to not blame yourself (or others) for past pick me behaviors; you didn't know any better and that's why FDS is here, to let pick mes know they can pick instead of be picked. You're completely leaving…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 12:51 PM
3

It's definitely easier and less soul-crushing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 10:25 PM
12

Especially if those negative emotions are about him. It's the easy way to dismiss someone's complaint by telling them "you shouldn't feel that way." The irony is that they want to dismiss it only because it makes them feel bad and suddenly feelings matter! Don't let them get away with calling their defenseless "passion" either. Passion is "strong and barely controllable emotion" which means it could be literally ANY emotion but men always use it as if it's synonym for anger. It's not coincidence…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 09:19 PM
18

Even the premise that negative emotion means irrational is so flawed it's unbelievable that it's stuck around for this long. Men don't think emotion is flawed and irrelevant, they think negative emotion is wrong and the "correct" way to handle bad feelings is to pretend you don't have them. The lack of practice and experience handling those negative emotions means that punch walls while women, who have had no choice BUT to process all those negative emotions are able to actually step back and di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 08:57 PM
13

No, that's PaSsiOn
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 08:53 PM
17

We dated the same man in regards to picking restaurants. I eventually implemented the "I picked one, now YOU pick one." He tried to foist the mental work onto me every time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 08:52 PM
32

Lol, when ice water is too hard to provide. palaver Cool word, thanks for teaching me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 08:51 PM
13

That book was a godsend. It isn't that they can't manage their anger, it's that they're utilizing their anger as a method to enforce their unmanaged expectations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 08:28 PM
10

I was raised to believe that "communicating" is mature and responding with action is petty. The idea is that if the words don't work you back it up with action, rather than jumping to action first. But if communicating like adults doesn't work, talk with your actions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 05:08 PM
5

I've always been under the impression that privilege is taken, not given. Do you think men play no part in the continuation of systemic male privilege?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 03:32 PM
12

Men also uphold male privilege, it isn't just women. While I do believe women have the most influence on their sons (including modeling that accepting disrespect isn't okay) , I also believe it becomes the son's responsibility to mature on his own. My parents didn't instill healthy boundaries in me so I did the work on my own to mature. However, men get a pass from doing that work via male privilege.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 03:07 PM
17

There's this weird cultural assumption that all girls grow into women, particularly once they're menstruating. But for men it's assumed they have to "earn" the status of manhood and until then, they're just boys. This sets them up for this can't-lose scenario where their immaturity is either brushed aside as 'boys will be boys' but any responsibility is a sign they've become a man. This is why we have so many deadbeat fathers, because society tells them they have a choice whether to step up or n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 02:59 PM
1

Seems like denial to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 02:55 PM
39

It's more dangerous to give negative emotion to the fickle parent. It's safer to give negative emotion to the safe parent. Basically they know their mom's love is unconditional and their dad's isn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 02:52 PM
33

"Let me leave my devoted wife of decades and mother of my children, who worked to support me and our family - let me leave that gold digging whore for a relationship in which I have all the power. Now I'm starting to think that men have a problem with gold diggers because it evens the power balance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 02:50 PM
14

There's this weird cultural assumption that all girls grow into women, particularly once they're menstruating. But for men it's assumed they have to "earn" the status of manhood and until then, they're just boys. This sets them up for this can't-lose scenario where their immaturity is either brushed aside as 'boys will be boys' but any responsibility is a sign they've become a man. This is why we have so many deadbeat fathers, because society tells them they have a choice whether to step up or n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 06:44 PM
19

because they have a subconscious death wish I'd argue it's not a death wish, it's an internalization to "not be selfish." We have forced that desire onto women so intently "no, I don't want to be a bother' that it overrides the body's natural desire to be healthy. We're taught it's virtuous to suffer for others, up to and especially including our own detriment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 02:52 PM
10

Satisficing vs. Maximizing Maximizers have a fear of missing out of the 'best' and throw away what they have in pursuit of it. Satisfiers have a limit they want to hit and then they're generally happy, often even if a better choice presented itself later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/20 04:07 PM
8

That is passive aggressive, mostly because you're escalating what they've done instead of mirroring it (taking twice as long, going on a date vs hanging out with a friend, etc.) That's too much effort into him. If he's taking too long to text or flaunting a friendship to make you jealous, move on. I don't want to play those kind of games and I definitely don't want to spend that energy on someone like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 04:06 PM
7

Dont call him out or blame him. But always act feminine in a way by mirroring him. Can you elaborate on being feminine by mirroring?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 02:10 PM
13

Or blameshift any problems you have with him on your past trauma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 02:06 PM
10

OP should’ve hit the road with an “I’m just not feeling it.” Agreed. Information is power, now he knows to discredit to "crazy ex" before she shows her evidence to the next one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 01:11 PM
9

I didn't take your title as disparaging toward the husband. I saw a couple comments speculating on his value and wanted to help flesh out the story :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 11:54 PM
24

It was her longtime hobby and she was planning to run until she couldn't anymore, and just never reached that point. https://www.today.com/health/running-while-pregnant-woman-goes-viral-5-25-mile-9-t195182
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 10:35 PM
34

That article skimped on some details. I read a different article about this and thought it was actually a good example of a HVM. Makenna always hoped to continue running for as long as she could, but when Mike bet her she wouldn't be able to run a mile in under 8 minutes in her ninth month, it was game on. "Neither of us had any idea what to expect during a pregnancy," Makenna said. "We've always heard I'd just kind of shut down as I got further in. In month two, Mike was convinced running an 8-…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 10:33 PM
12

That's a scary red flag. I'm glad the trash took itself out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 02:59 PM
22

Well of course you were having fun but your body wasn't, he knows best /s Am I reading too much into the "our bodies can't party without alcohol" comment? Was that supposed to be a plural 'our' about the human body or was he specifically planning to get her drunk?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 12:49 PM
94

This. I used to not understand why men expected good boy points for not assaulting. I compared it to car insurance, I can't call my car insurer and say "hey, I didn't hit a car today" and expect a discount on my rates. You don't get rewards for doing literally nothing. And that was when I realized...they don't want points for doing nothing. They want points for fighting against the urge to assault. It's terrifying to realize.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 08:13 PM
18

I want to punch myself in the face everytime I remember 20-earlysomething years old me Ughhhh, I get so mad at myself. Sis, you were lied to and conned from birth to do that. You were fulfilling your role perfectly. You did great at it. Now that you're rejecting the role entirely because you can see how harmful it is, please consider your past actions as part of that role. You did what was expected of you and you did it great. Now go do whatever YOU expect from you and go do it great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 07:49 PM
31

Tbh I was almost waiting to be called selfish for not being willing to be a dumping ground. God knows he made it clear "it wasn't his thing" when I would seek support and validation. I assumed when I flipped it on him he'd find it unfair 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 07:16 PM
1

And they always justify it with "well anyone would like a compliment!" Maybe on its own a compliment would be flattering, but there are strings attached to that low effort generic physical compliment. It would be like me going up to a man walking on the street, throwing a dollar in coins at him and then saying "but anyone would want money! Ungrateful dick" if he doesn't stop in his tracks and make nice with me and give me his number. Except these dollars are renewable and can't be used anywhere,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 05:45 PM
36

What's stopping boys from complimenting each other? It doesn't have to be a compliment from a woman to affirm their worth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 03:51 PM
73

LVM will use us as character development to grow and evolve boost their ego and help them repress their hurts FTFY
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 03:49 PM
493

Flashback to the time a LVM told me straight up when I suggested therapy would be beneficial (after having listened and provided supportive feedback for three hours) - "but it's hard to find the right therapist and why would I need to do that when I have you?" I asked "but is that fair to me?" and y'all, the shock on his face shook me. He had never even considered that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 03:10 PM
13

Yes, as long as there's some spark. It doesn't have to be a firework display but if there's even a hint of it, it can definitely grow if nurtured. Check in with yourself after a few more dates. You'll likely have a gut feeling one direction or the other and honor that feeling. Or come back here for round two of advice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 11:05 PM
15

I think you're supposed to center questions around her experience "are you happy?" I've been asking that and "what do YOU want" because even criticizing what he wants/does or what she deserves is step 2. Step 1 is identifying her values and dreams so I try to reconnect them to that first. You're right, logic doesn't work. You can't reason someone out of a position. they didn't reason themselves into. Also I don't care about their abusive bfs to give them a second of my energy, and she shouldn't …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 07:05 PM
10

It's hard to re-live the mindset once you've leveled up
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 04:51 PM
28

She did, it was in the post. And he joked about "tricking" her into it because "soon we'll all have the same last name" when he never planned to marry her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 04:42 PM
392

He "jokingly" says he tricked her into carrying and birthing his child, which irrevocably altered her body, and legally and socially labeling their child as primarily his. Now he doesn't like the bodily changes his child required from his partner. Haha so funny /s 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 01:09 PM
116

I even said that to a LVM. He made an observation about my actions, I risked vulnerability in a chance to connect with him by telling my motivations behind said action and he had the audacity to tell me my motivations were a character flaw. It was the final straw and I told him "I was having a great morning until you come out and insult my character, why would I even want to be here." I'm never living with a man before marriage again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 05:59 PM
25

I think the difference is men use it for exploitation of others whereas we use it for protection of self.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 03:32 PM
4

Most men in their 20s and 30s ate able to meaningfully connect with romantic partners their own age. Most, but not all, men who date significantly younger do so because the women their age aren't tolerant of lazy/selfish behavior anymore. Culturally we teach our girls to mature and we allow boys to either do so or not. This means that younger girls and women are more likely to give excuses for poor male behavior while the men exhibiting that behavior will rarely self reflect on themselves. It ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 06:56 PM
17

I don't know what makes them think they're so important when they contribute so little to the actual act of reproducing. This is my pet theory of patriarchy actually - that men very much recognize (and subconsciously reject) how important they are to reproduction. Think about how it used to be for them, they try and try to impress and mate with woman after woman and one or two accepts (due to effort shown, lack of other options, she's ovulating and he got lucky with timing, etc). (Editing to add…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 11:45 AM
22

The other thing that gave me pause was the insistence that abusers do not truly love their victims. I couldn't and still can't fully get behind that but I don't really want to debate that point. I respect that you don't want to debate it so I only want to offer a perspective that made me understand this mindset. I love my cat. I take care of him and do whatever he needs. Sometimes he's annoying or gets sick or walks on my face at night, and I still love him. He's just being him. I also love my p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 09:24 PM
15

Your comment made it click why LVM think being a stay at home parent is easy, because this is exactly the low value they would provide if they were the one at home. They're projecting because they know they couldn't be trusted to stay productive if they were doing it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 08:57 PM
4

Then they notice and they always say I’m being immature and keeping score. They can only know the score is even if they're keeping it too. They know what they're doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 05:34 PM
25

"well she has to prove she deserves it first" She's worth it because you're interested in her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 08:01 PM
1

the explanation he gave me for ending things was almost like the blueprint for men when they want to play the good guy card. "You don’t know what it’s like to lead them on and then just leave them. The high is so good.” What was the explanation he gave? This might have happened to me. My LVM ex suddenly broke it off after a few months and was surprised at how quickly I collected my things from his place. He seemed like he'd set aside time for a big argument and/or break up sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 01:50 PM
2

Intentions are irrelevant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 05:30 AM
2

Because she's defenseless. And that's his first and continued reaction, up to and including causing her physical harm. And he blames her for not being okay with it. There's a lot to unpack here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 05:28 AM
2

I doubt he has any history to be jealous of because if he did he'd understand that isn't how it works in healthy relationships. You move on and release any hold they had over you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 08:28 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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