thraxx171 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
2	What can I do if my narcissistic spouse keeps getting in my face while recording me with her phone camera after I ask her to stop? She's trying to get her ducks in order. I hope you've got yours. Record her back at her worst. Hate to say it's almost war with divorce, and yours doesn't look pretty.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/06/26 05:29 AM
2	How to get out of this marriage You can't fix her, and trying to will make you a shell of the man you are. I hope you don't have kids, or get spermjacked and get this mess drawn out longer than it needs to be. Get your ducks in order and move on with your life. It's short, live your best life.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/06/26 05:27 AM
11	Wife told me she wasn’t in love with me and wanted a divorce end of march. I moved out 3 weeks ago. Tonight she cried and asked me to move back in Sounds like a mind f###, i'm sorry you're going through this. Same thing here, her cheating, happy wife happy life, then it was me instigating it when I wanted the whole process to be amicable when she suggested divorce (and terrible behaviour going forward on her side). Normal behaviour to blame you, otherwise she'd be the bad guy and couldn't deal with it. Going back now just reinforces her bad behaviour. If you want to go back, there will have to be strict boundaries and couples therapy to re…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/06/26 05:21 AM
5	Some advice for young men (from the mom of a newly divorced young man) Good post, it's called coercive control. I think we need to teach our children to set healthy boundaries and learn to realign with their partners early. I hate to say that most of us shouldn't have married the people we married, we went in unaware and uninformed. Something we should all be taught beforehand.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/05/26 04:23 AM
4	How the hell do people afford this? I'm at >150k with more to come. How the flying F do the women not see they're destroying the family financially. And the whole $y$tem goe$ on and on... it's disgusting what the system does to men, affecting the children and doing it in the name of them.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/05/26 07:42 AM
3	All I see for the future is darkness. Yeah, Rachel Sloan really helped me early on too. I don’t think she dumps on women, more that she explains the psychology behind a lot of the behaviour, which helped me stop taking everything so personally. My therapist (also a woman) reinforced a lot of the same points. I do wish there was more support for men though. Groups like this help, but when you’re grieving it takes time to find voices that genuinely help you move forward instead of keeping you angry. Joe Hudson was also great for helpi…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/05/26 07:35 AM
3	Offered 50/50 custody but… Yeah go 50/50, she'll probably argue contribution. But go for what's rightly yours, they would.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/05/26 02:57 AM
2	9 months after Thanks for sharing this. It’s something that really isn’t talked about honestly enough, especially on social media. When people say around 70% of divorces are initiated by women, I do think we need to ask why that pattern exists instead of pretending it’s just random. Almost two years on, I’m genuinely much happier, but I also feel like I’ve swallowed the red pill a bit. Once you see certain things clearly, it’s hard to unsee them. At the same time, I think human nature makes us block out anythi…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/05/26 04:53 AM
5	All I see for the future is darkness. You’re going through the stages of grief. I went through something similar myself, I thought I was broken too, newsflash, we're not. Therapy, meditation, long walks, exercise, all of it helped. But ultimately, you do have to sit with the pain, learn to recognise it, and work through it rather than run from it or fight it. Learn about the anxiety curve, read about CBT. Journal, write down your feelings, how it makes you feel, your small wins, what you did. The one thing CBT taught me is that your…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/05/26 04:37 AM
1	I feel so guilty and spent Record if legal, and get it all on paper, video, messages, screen shots, photos and chronologically organise it. That's a start. Play the long game and get enough evidence of this and go see a lawyer. Good luck.	/r/Divorce_Men	13/05/26 04:04 AM
7	Need advice . Wife agrees to go our separate ways and live apart for good , but still wants to fuck exclusively . She wants her cake as well. I'm pretty sure she's got someone else. Time to move on and build your new self. This love is over.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/05/26 08:01 AM
3	The absurdity of lawyers We’ve somehow made divorce insanely bureaucratic, while getting married is dead simple. That mismatch just doesn’t make sense anymore. It still feels like we’re being told to live by 1950s rules in a completely different world. The whole thing has turned into a business, and no one wants to rock the boat. I’m already over $120k in legal fees because the other side wants everything. At that point, the only people consistently winning are the lawyers. The ones who lose? The kids and whatever’s lef…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/05/26 03:50 AM
2	Difference in priorities I'm sorry to hear this. This love is over, time for a new chapter. Write this all down and document it. Also document your time and effort with the children. Get letters from their teachers etc.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/05/26 07:36 AM
3	Torn between saving my marriage and walking away — I feel completely lost She wants her cake and when it doesn't go their way. If you have to hide it, it’s already an affair. It's over, she has moved on, and unless she also puts in the effort, and you set the boundaries, you'll be stuck in that betrayal trauma loop for a while. Don't grovel back, build yourself up for your daughters. Learn to grieve for what's over.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/04/26 09:11 AM
3	New Relationship Advice Honestly, it sounds like you’ve already answered your own question. From what you’ve written, there are a lot of red flags. You don’t need to be the white knight or feel like you have to save someone in order to be loved. That’s not what a healthy relationship is built on. This isn’t self-sabotage, it’s awareness. You define you, not someone else's love. At the end of the day, you can only control your own choices. And based on what you’ve said, walking away is probably the wiser move. That does…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/04/26 03:30 AM
7	I'm devastated The pain and trauma you’re feeling is real, and I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Try not to jump to the conclusion that you’re going to end up alone. It might feel like that right now, but this moment doesn’t define your future. Also, don’t be too quick to blame yourself — relationships are rarely that one-sided. Sometimes it can feel like the other person has been emotionally checked out for a while, and you’re only just catching up to it. That doesn’t make it your fault, it just mea…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/04/26 09:30 AM
0	How can we fix the mess we're in now? This sounds really painful, and honestly, it feels like you’re trying very hard to hold things together. It doesn’t come across like you’re the problem. It feels more like the two of you are stuck in a pattern, you reaching out, trying to fix things and take accountability, and him pulling back or getting defensive. That kind of dynamic can make anyone feel unheard and exhausted over time. The part about you venting to your friend… that doesn’t really read as disrespect to me. It sounds more lik…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/04/26 09:27 AM
3	Was the divorce your fault? Over 40, something like ~70%+ of divorces are initiated by women. That stat always makes me pause. It feels like we’ve pushed empowerment in very different directions; for women it’s often framed around freedom and choice, while for men it’s still tied to responsibility, duty, and sacrifice. Not surprising there’s some friction there. I’ve seen people like Rachel Sloan break down divorce dynamics for men in a way that actually resonates. At the same time, cheating rates are pretty similar across…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/04/26 03:34 AM
1	Wife cheated I'm so sorry this happened to you. This is common and has happened to many of us. You're now in grief. I recommend getting some therapy or if you can't, watch the good therapy channels on youtube; Dr Meika Steinborn, Joe Hudson, Therapy in a nutshell just to name a few. You can do this. If you want her back, make her want you, don't beg, set boundaries and show her the best you. Also please start documenting this. Photos, dates, get your ducks in a row now. I know it's going to be the hardest th…	/r/Divorce_Men	14/04/26 09:36 AM
–	How do I not KMS? It’s okay man, let it out. Cry, you'll feel better. You’ve been holding this in for years. Don’t drink it away, don’t push it down. Go for a walk, get your heart rate up, clear your head. Just be with the sadness for a bit. That’s how you start healing. Your kids see you. They love you. The time you spend with them Minecraft, just being there matters. It’s not not enough. Small things add up more than you think. You’re influencing them, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Try doing new things toget…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/01/26 08:09 AM
6	Totally curious. Honestly, one of the biggest problems is that men and women just stop knowing how to talk to each other. Men default to logic and problem solving; women lead with emotion. If you aren’t aligned, you drift apart not because anyone’s bad, but because nobody teaches us how to do this. A lot of guys grow up thinking “happy wife, happy life” = give her what she wants, shut up, suffer quietly. Total trap. What actually works? Boundaries, leadership, showing up emotionally. Attraction dies on silence a…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/01/26 07:40 AM
6	How do I not KMS? Hey man, I’m really sorry. Reading this, it’s obvious how much you carried, how much you gave, and how hard you tried to do the right thing. Anyone in your position would be crushed by this. You didn’t fail, you got blindsided and then ground down by a system that doesn’t care how fair or loyal you were. What hurts most here isn’t the money or even the house, it’s losing the life you built and the future you thought you were working toward. That kind of loss messes with your head and your sleep …	/r/Divorce_Men	28/01/26 04:33 AM
2	Opinion/ 2 cents I get you're trying to be the bigger person, but trust me, it's war. Take the high road, but treat this like any business decision. Oh, and it's so over, keep your dignity, begging is unattractive and unbecoming. Work on your new life now. The past is in the past. Let it go.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/01/26 02:52 AM
1	Beware of all DVPO consequences Funny everything they do isn't :(	/r/Divorce_Men	27/01/26 02:47 AM
3	Ripped the bandaid off. Feel alone on an island. I was in a eerily similar situation, get out while you can! Reading your post. I felt sick in my stomach and felt that same trauma come back hard. I'm sorry you went through this. Please if anything, do not have a baby with her. You'll end up back on the forum even more broken when there's a kid. I also couldn't believe the lies that come out of a cheating woman's mouth, she's only sorry she got caught. There is little to no chance of coming back from this. She won't give you closure, and the so…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/01/26 02:40 AM
2	Keep the faith. I'm moving on. Life gets so much better. Nailed it! "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Hardest thing to do, but once you get there, you see the light.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/01/26 02:31 AM
2	I found my ex wife in sexually explicit promotional materials for her job Agree with the guys, get off social media or block those pages. Focus on yourself, it's taken me a lot of time and money to realise you can't change or fix anyone. Now you need to find your purpose. You're going through the stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (they can occur in any order). Focus on the now, grounding on yourself and let go of this resentment, it serves you no purpose. Good luck brother, you got this.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/01/26 02:29 AM
4	What was the point of it all? It’s funny how the herd refuses to see the lioness until a few others get taken down and bitten. Only then does awareness kick in. Being aware and making choices that put you first isn’t anti-feminist. It’s self-preservation. The problem isn’t equality. It’s slipping into toxic femininity (just like toxic masculinity) where accountability disappears and behavior gets justified instead of examined. If you don’t choose yourself, someone else will choose for you and it usually won’t be in your best…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/01/26 04:40 AM
2	Extremely unsure if I should take the step I completely understand that this can be quite challenging to process, and it can certainly take an emotional toll. Perhaps considering therapy could be a beneficial step, and/or "therapy in a nutshell" for anxiety, I highly recommend Dr. Maika Steinborn, as she has been incredibly helpful for me in managing my feelings. Just be prepared for whatever feelings may arise during this journey. Take care!	/r/Divorce_Men	06/01/26 01:12 PM
3	I just realized I've been keeping score for years - anyone else? Welcome to the Great Domestic Olympics, where every chore is a medal and bedtime earns style points. Honestly, unless you’ve got shared goals or actual problem solving happening, it’s over. Keeping score is great in fantasy football, not marriage. If you really want to try playing on the same team again, it means agreeing on priorities, setting boundaries, dividing tasks without turning them into evidence, and actually communicating about why you’re doing things not just who’s doing what. That s…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/01/26 04:13 AM
2	Staying for the kids—yay or nay Honestly, the marriage is over. She’s checked out, hostile, refuses responsibility, and has already pushed for an open marriage. That’s not just about you it’s a huge red flag for your kids, since the biggest risk of harm is another partner in the house. Staying isn’t protecting them it’s just prolonging a bad situation. Start preparing now by talking to a lawyer, document everything, and make a plan that keeps your time and involvement with the boys front and center. The goal isn’t revenge it’s…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/01/26 04:08 AM
1	Colorado spousal maintenance help needed Focus on: Focus on earning capacity, not current income. Judges care about whether she can support herself, not just what she’s making now. Her education and career trajectory are key. MBA's bring you to the next level. Document everything. This includes work history, degrees, potential earning ability anything that shows she can be self-sufficient. Think strategically about property division. Settling the assets smartly can reduce or eliminate spousal maintenance exposure. Use mediation if poss…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/01/26 04:05 AM
6	Wife ulterior motive You’re not imagining this. This is a very common setup before court. From the sh*t dad 101 playbook. When communication is restricted, it’s easy for one parent to quietly step in and create a record where they appear to be doing everything, while the other looks absent. Courts don’t judge intent, they judge patterns and she’s clearly trying to shape one ahead of the pre-trial date. She’s actively positioning herself as the “primary caregiver” ahead of court, especially with a restraining order l…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/01/26 04:01 AM
5	Wife just moved out Sorry to hear, but glad it's amicable so far. My two cents is stop assuming good faith. Prepare your finances, legal exposure, and next steps. It normally gets ugly when the finances come into play. Being calm is good. Being blind is expensive.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/01/26 03:39 AM
6	Extremely unsure if I should take the step She’s cheating or lining it up. This isn’t subtle. Dead bedroom for years, constant boredom, emotional distance, phone scrolling, zero interest in you, zero interest in fixing the marriage. That pattern shows up constantly on Reddit, and it usually ends the same way. You’re not overreacting, you’re behind the curve. She’s mentally checked out and likely investing attention elsewhere. At minimum, she’s planning an exit. Stop assuming good faith. Start preparing finances, legal exposure, and next …	/r/Divorce_Men	06/01/26 03:36 AM
1	How to figure out my identity… You’re not going to be the same guy again and that’s the point. The trap is trying to find who you were instead of deliberately building who you’re becoming. The old house was in ashes, I couldn't live in those. I struggled with this more than I expected. Anxiety, lack of focus, second guessing myself, feeling unanchored, lost in the night. Some days it felt like I was doing everything right and still coming up empty. That part doesn’t get talked about enough. What helped was shrinking the quest…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/01/26 02:54 PM
3	The treatment for divorce that worked for me 100% and there is no right, life is always shifting/moving, being adaptive helps.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/01/26 04:35 AM
1	The trap waiting for you 3 years from now You can love deeply, commit seriously, build a life together without signing a contract where the downside is capped for one party and uncapped for the other. That’s not bitterness. That’s just reading the terms and conditions before clicking “I agree". Some countries are now treating partnerships like marriage, giving them all the legal weight but none of the wisdom. It’s a joke. You’re basically signing up for all the risk and bureaucracy without even pretending the odds are in your favor.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/01/26 04:31 AM
2	The trap waiting for you 3 years from now Why do you need the government to license your love? Marriage is like walking into a casino and bragging you’ll win, except the odds are worse, the stakes are higher, and the house always has leverage over you. Bravado’s fun, but at some point it’s just negligence. You’re handing away control, risking your freedom, your money, and your future for something that statistically doesn’t pay off and for what? A “socially approved” contract that doesn’t guarantee love, loyalty, or even happiness.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/01/26 04:29 AM
2	The trap waiting for you 3 years from now Ditto, expensive mistake for me too. I still go to church and pray for the sinkhole. In my case if the tables were turned, she would watch me burn, and she's still frying to f... with me. I don't know her anymore, and neither do I care. I give the children all my love, it's not good to show them that you don't have to take accountability on the other end.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/01/26 04:17 AM
8	The trap waiting for you 3 years from now Marriage made sense when roles were clear and risks were balanced. Today, the downside is measurable and the upside is vague. Men take on legal, financial, and emotional exposure with very little protection if things go sideways and statistically, and you pointed out, and they often do. You can have love, commitment, kids, companionship, and a full life without a contract that incentivizes exit and penalizes stability. If it works, great — but what extra does marriage give a man that he can’t ge…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/01/26 04:07 AM
9	The treatment for divorce that worked for me Strong post, nailed it. It's strange how after decades of modern divorces, we men only address this after the fact, it's generally ignored, and posts like this help. For me, a few adds from my side. Therapy mattered. Understanding anxiety, emotions, and mindfulness isn’t something you outthink or out gym, it’s reps over time. Treat it like rehab, not a mindset hack. Thoughts are just data, it's how we analyse and look at it. If you can't afford, reach out, find the free therapy channels on youtu…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/01/26 03:49 AM
1	Happy New Year Rockstars! Love the best you can!	/r/Divorce_Men	01/01/26 06:09 PM
2	Gentleman- when did you know “I don’t love her anymore” When you're not respected, appreciated or loved any more. It's normally a breakdown on both sides. I wish we would talk about it more.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/01/26 05:57 PM
2	When to you know?? Don't hold on to nothing that's unreciprocated. It sucks, but it's time to let it go, there's nothing manly left in it. Realise it's your rebirth now, you can sink or swim. It's easier to sink, but I recommend you try to swim. It's not you, it's life, it's love, nothing last forever, and nothing ever will. You got this, one day at a time.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/01/26 05:49 PM
2	War Correct, but in the end neither side wins, you pay for the lawyers kids university education vs yours. You got this 🤜🏼🤛🏼	/r/Divorce_Men	27/12/25 05:36 AM
1	Help me understand why Glad you brought this up. It’s almost never about the money. If you’re trying to win someone over that way, you’ve already lost. That’s not attraction, that’s overcompensation. Women are attracted to power, which involves confidence and stability. You don't owe them anything. Don’t run the same playbook and expect a different result. Learn what you actually want, stop over-investing, and match the energy you’re getting back. Not everyone is meant for everyone. Tell them how you're feeling, and i…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/12/25 07:43 PM
10	War Yes focus your energy now, don't relent. She would watch you burn and honestly most need to learn the harsh realities of the adult world. Wishing you all the best in your victory brother.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/12/25 07:37 PM
5	Glad there is some support here First off, thanks for being brave and sharing your story. This is a great starting point. A lot of us started from the same place, thinking the marriage was “fine,” while quietly being miserable and not talking about it. Finally when the platform is gone we are left falling. So credit where it’s due: saying it out loud matters. Acknowledge your pain. This isn’t easy. Your mind will mess with you, and the grief hits fast because none of us were ever taught how to deal with this properly. There wi…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/12/25 07:35 PM
13	Finding purpose after divorce? Yeah this part sucks, and pretending otherwise just makes it worse. For most men, the “loss of purpose” isn’t really about the relationship ending, it’s about losing a role and a future you were mentally living in. That deserves to be acknowledged properly, not rushed past with fake positivity. You’re allowed to miss what was good and accept that it’s over. What actually helps is not trying to find some big new meaning straight away. Purpose doesn’t show up on command. It comes back once you sta…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/12/25 12:26 AM
19	Complete mind F today by my ex. That’s not someone “living her best life,” that’s pure resentment acting out. Sending that was intentional, inappropriate, and meant to get under your skin while you were with your kids which says a lot about her, not you. The relationship is clearly over, and this kind of behavior is exactly the sort of thing you document and flag to your lawyer as harassment. Don’t blast it publicly because that’s the chaos she wants. Screenshot it, put it in the file, then put the phone down, go for a walk, a…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/12/25 07:43 AM
1	Question for divorced men. Why do some of you see an fwb instead of a prostitute for sex and vice versa why do some of you see a prostitute instead of a fwb? If it float, flies or fucks, rent it. Very smart words, not a joke lol. Other ones I like are why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, or why buy a book when you can join a library.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/12/25 06:47 AM
2	What the sigma? Brother, more than welcome. Construction, suits, doesn’t matter men bleed the same red blood quietly everywhere. Getting through the holidays isn’t about being strong every minute, it’s about staying present long enough for the next day. You’re doing that. One day at a time is more than enough right now. If you get a quiet moment, watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7E3Sec3vDm8. It helped me understand the melancholy I was feeling this holiday season and how to cope. It reminds you…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/12/25 06:41 AM
5	Women Silently Emotionally Disconnecting and Checking Out Is Cowardly Nailed it.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/12/25 08:01 AM
6	Women Silently Emotionally Disconnecting and Checking Out Is Cowardly Hence marriage laws and family court are like amusement parks with broken and dangerous rides. They need to be fixed, otherwise it is wilful negligence given the number of cases. Surprised that there hasn't been a class action lawsuit against the family court system in the US yet. I mean if you can sue over hot coffee... just saying...	/r/Divorce_Men	16/12/25 08:00 AM
1	Stats Oh and record all this down for the lawyers, and also take photos of you being the great dad you are with your kids. Start journaling if it works for you. Write down how you're feeling that day, what happened, what you wish happened, how you can act better and a nice word of encouragement for yourself. I wrote a positive word down as well each day. Once you start to change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/12/25 07:55 AM
6	Women Silently Emotionally Disconnecting and Checking Out Is Cowardly It's a power play to say I still got you. Daddy issues galore...	/r/Divorce_Men	16/12/25 07:53 AM
1	Stats I hear you, and it’s clear how much you love your kids. Honestly, she’s probably already monkey-branched, the distance, the bedroom, the emotional stuff didn’t start overnight. Right now, boundaries are everything. Separate space, clear rules, and routines will protect your sanity and your kids’ stability. If reconciliation is possible, boundaries are how respect and the connection comes back. If not, they help you move forward without chaos. You’re doing an incredible job showing up for them th…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/12/25 07:48 AM
4	Holding on to anger towards my ex wife What you’re describing is really common. Anger is often just hurt in disguise, it feels safer to be angry than to sit with grief, regret, or disappointment. A lot of this comes from unacknowledged hurt. When pain isn’t felt or named, it turns into anger because anger feels more controllable. The problem is, when it stays unprocessed, it leaks out sideways onto people who don’t deserve it. What helps is naming the real feeling when it shows up, getting the energy out of your body through exercise…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/12/25 07:43 AM
7	Another bljnd side I’m really sorry you’re going through this. But I’ll be straight with you, once she says she hasn’t loved you for two years and dismisses your boundaries, the relationship as it was is already over. Whether she technically cheated or not almost doesn’t matter anymore. Right now, cohabiting without clear boundaries will slowly grind you down. If you’re staying under the same roof for the kids and the house sale, that’s understandable but it needs structure. Emotional distance, no pretending, no m…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/12/25 07:35 AM
2	What the sigma? Thank you for sharing this, it takes real courage. What you did in that moment was strength, not weakness. You paused, you reached out, and you chose your boys and yourself. That weight you felt is real grief, and it doesn’t erase the father you are or the love your kids know. One step at a time, keep leaning on your supports. You’re still here, and that matters more than anything. Keep going strong, you got this my sigma bro!	/r/Divorce_Men	16/12/25 07:31 AM
7	Question for divorced men. Why do some of you see an fwb instead of a prostitute for sex and vice versa why do some of you see a prostitute instead of a fwb? The definition of prostitute is someone who engages in sexual activity for payment or offer (someone) for sexual activity in exchange for payment. Examples would be escorts, ex-wives, prostitutes, massage ladies, bar girls etc. FWB to me are a completely different category and not everyone is able to get a FWB. FWB are relationships amongst friends who hang out and sometimes have sex or be intimate with each other. So if you can't get a FWB, and I find that someone always catches feels in FWB re…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/12/25 07:20 AM
3	How can I help my dad? 5. Emotional / Family Strategy Keep kids out of legal arguments — avoids holiday conflicts Maintain calm, professional tone in court communications Recognize emotional manipulation: sending orders around holidays is likely intentional 6. Roadmap for Your Dad Step 1: Collect documents – divorce decree, house records, mortgage, 401k, financial contributions, communications. Step 2: Lawyer consultation – show documents, ask about: Limits on 401k claims House division options Likely outcome based on…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/12/25 06:47 AM
2	How can I help my dad? 4. Strategy to Minimize Exposure / Win Clarify what’s actually owed Use divorce decree and financial records to show: Only half the house at the time of divorce is owed Retirement contributions after divorce are his separate property Negotiate timing / payment Avoid forced immediate sale Propose deferred sale or structured payments Example: Sell the house when he turns 65 or retires, or pay in installments Challenge unreasonable claims 401k post-divorce growth Unrelated debts she’s trying to off…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/12/25 06:46 AM
2	How can I help my dad? 3. Likely Claims / Tactics Your Mom May Use Your mom may try: Retroactive claims on retirement – arguing a portion of 401k growth is marital property. House payout – demanding immediate sale or buyout, even if it hasn’t been refinanced. Contents / personal property – claiming “unfinished business” for furniture, improvements, or upgrades. Urgency / emotional pressure – sending court orders near holidays to force negotiation. Legal framing – presenting herself as “needing support” despite adult c…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/12/25 06:46 AM
2	How can I help my dad? 1. Document and Evidence Collection Your dad needs a solid paper trail. This is the foundation to argue what he actually owes — and what she cannot claim. Essential documents: Divorce decree – the original agreement, especially clauses on the house, assets, and any wording about “future claims.” House records – mortgage payments, deeds, property tax records, proof of who paid what post-divorce. 401k / retirement accounts – statements from the divorce date forward, showing post-divorce growth. Fi…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/12/25 06:45 AM
1	Thoughts on Situation All women want to be heard and given boundaries. Are you sure she even met up with her mum? You both need to realign if you want to make this work, but if you're with someone on medication it ceases to be effective. I had this same issue but infidelity, and you can be sure to someone always needs to be serviced by someone. Harsh but true. The work to realign to me is definitely going to be a lot easier than it is to get divorced in the short run. Long run, I'm also learning. A good family therap…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/12/25 06:42 PM
3	On the fence This and also, keep all of this to yourself, mourn not in front of her, gather and hit her hard, otherwise she'll do the same or is in preparations of doing it.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/12/25 08:40 AM
1	Wrong to narc on stbx in pre trial intervention? 100% we are the "weaker" sex in divorce, just do what you have to do and document it and her behaviour. Hang in there and have a Merry Christmas!	/r/Divorce_Men	10/12/25 08:37 AM
1	Forensic Accountant Info Needed Good luck, you need to reconcile income statements, bank accounts and credit cards, all with the quality of what was happening in you lives together. Also putting everything down on paper first helps. Mine did the same, and contributed jack. You can't run away from the numbers, they tell a story, it will tie in with your life, so replay it as well. I wish you well, and don't let up when they start playing the victim or pull the sympathy card.	/r/Divorce_Men	10/12/25 03:54 AM
4	How to cope after discard My therapist told me something that finally clicked with me: your life right now is what it feels like after a hurricane tears through your town. And honestly, that’s the most accurate way to describe divorce — it’s sudden, destructive, and nothing looks the same afterward. Men tend to be practical, so it helps to frame this the same way. Step back and look at everything as if you’re hovering above the wreckage, seeing it from a third person view. You need help from yourself to solve this proble…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/12/25 03:50 AM
6	How to cope after discard Man, you’re not alone. A lot of guys go through this exact phase when their wife hits that “I need to find myself” crisis. It feels personal, but it’s way more common than you think. They rewrite the story in their head, cast us as the villain, and suddenly we’re fighting to keep the life we built. You'll soon learn they've planned this for months, and there's another person. What you’re feeling is normal. Betrayal hurts, and watching someone you loved for 14 years turn into a stranger will mess…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/12/25 03:42 AM
2	Wrong to narc on stbx in pre trial intervention? She’s not in a good state of mind, and honestly, she’d do the same to you without hesitation. Taking the high road doesn’t mean ignoring her behaviour, it means protecting yourself, your sanity and your kid. What you’re dealing with is toxic as hell. Mine was similar, everything gets flipped back on you so they never have to own anything. That’s not you being crazy, that’s gaslighting. This isn’t a bitch move. She’s drinking again, screaming in front of your kid, and breaking every agreement. DS…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/12/25 03:38 AM
2	Daughter hates me in the presence of my ex. Please please record and document everything. She's 4, so just make sure she feels loved and let her know nothing is her fault, and your love is unconditional. Don't react to it in front of your daughter, kids read energy. Good luck, I know this feeling.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/12/25 06:44 AM
5	Does sexting deserve divorce? I think we all go through the affair fog where limerence and possibly self betrayal/self gaslighting is prevalent. Coworker and sexting I would hate so say that it's already physical. She's monkey branching. My advice is to get your house in order, document and get all the information you can on the affair, it sounds like it's going to get messy. She's already given her emotional energy and love to someone else. It sucks to hear, but she isn't coming back. Now work on yourself and know everythin…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/12/25 04:18 AM
11	Ex-Wife Reaction to me dating Same boat, except I don't care what she's up to. When I'm having a great time, she sends the kids over. We have 50/50. We communicate via WA because it's the easiest. Mine got all her plastic work done before the divorce butt now looks run down because she actually has to take care of the children now. I don't think she's perplexed but also views you as hers still. Women want what other women want. She is obviously narcissistic and the best way is to approach everything with her emotionless. Don…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/12/25 03:05 AM
3	Why wait to hook up? Go get it out of your system. You will stop and reevaluate when ready.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/12/25 12:52 PM
2	Getting back into dating after divorce, how do you rebuild confidence for conversations? Be strong, be yourself, if it doesn't work, it was never meant to be and that's complete. Only you can make you happy, they aren't the solution to your problems, so treat them as a value add in your life. Listen to them, ask questions, find out more about them. Oh, and don't yes man them.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/12/25 03:51 AM
2	I told her I’m divorcing her Document and record everything, and hope she doesn't go too amber heard on you...	/r/Divorce_Men	01/12/25 03:40 AM
1	Welp... So she has a DUI, this is gold, get a good lawyer and go for the jugular. She is not your friend or the woman you married.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/11/25 09:03 AM
1	Dating & FWB w/The Ex Remember: there’s a reason she’s an ex! I’m dating a few women right now and I’m honest and upfront about it and let them know what I want, it works, but someone always catches feelings... the rest is up to you. Women tend to want what other women want. That “never looked at another girl” line? That actually makes you weaker. Once there’s competition and she can’t have all of you, your value shoots up. Scarcity, confidence and unavailability is attractive. Know your worth, you’re a catch. For pe…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/25 07:31 AM
5	Ex won’t stop talking to me Yep, this is classic love bombing + push–pull. She’s basically using extremes to manipulate your attention: angry and attacking you one moment, then trying to lure you back with sex or niceness the next. It’s exhausting, and the fact that it makes you doubt yourself or gives you false hope is exactly why it works. You’re not imagining it, this ain’t love, it’s emotional chaos. She clearly has an anxious attachment style and abandonment issues. The best thing you can do is stick to your boundarie…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/25 07:11 AM
2	I want her out Document and record all this!	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/25 06:56 AM
2	I lost it tonight guys. I’d been pretending to be ok since I discovered her cheating. Tonight I snapped. You’re dealing with grief, and you’re moving through the stages all at once because you haven’t really faced it yet. There are great videos on YouTube that break this down and help you cope. Don’t blame yourself, she chose to cheat. That’s on her. Do what the other guys said, get active, get your dopamine levels up, rebuild your confidence. Get some therapy and work on the maladaptive patterns that keep you stuck. Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Give it time. I know it feels like your wor…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/25 06:53 AM
1	About to go before the holidays You got this, focus on yourself now. It will take time, but you got this. Enjoy being happy over Christmas!	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/25 06:38 AM
2	“He’s a good man, but…” "madder than a honey badger on a pint of moonshine"😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 brilliant!	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/25 06:28 AM
3	I'm Struggling. Man, I’m really sorry. 12 years is basically a marriage, so the pain you’re feeling is real. But here’s the hard truth: marriage or long-term partnership doesn’t guarantee happiness. It’s basically a financial contract, not an emotional safety net. What you’re dealing with right now is mostly abandonment. You’ve been with someone since 19, so you never really had to stand on your own. That’s why the silence, the empty house, the nights alone it all hits harder than a Bangkok mattress. But you ne…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/25 06:22 AM
3	“He’s a good man, but…” They want the children, any man will do, despite incompatibility and aren't mentally prepared on what's is involved and the sacrifice they have to make as well. Resentment leads to anger, which leads to suffering and the dark side.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/25 03:44 AM
1	“He’s a good man, but…” This is the issue everyone avoids. The moment men point it out, it gets called woman shaming, when it’s actually a clear pattern. A lot of guys end up saying the same thing, she’s changed. And they’re not wrong, hormones, identity shifts, and mid life pressure hit many women hard in their leading up to and in their 40s. The problem is, a lot of women don’t want to face it or talk about it, they don't want to accept reality and plenty of men avoid it too. But ignoring it just guarantees a spectac…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/11/25 03:39 AM
1	Early stages advice Great you're working on yourself too! Sorry, I know it sucks to be in this situation. Therapy helped me a lot too. A few YouTube channels also really got me through the rough patches — Therapy in a Nutshell for the anxiety, Dr. Maika Steinborn for the grief, and Michael Sealey’s Sleep Hypnosis for Calming An Overactive Mind when my mind wouldn’t shut off. Keep yourself busy and you got this!	/r/Divorce_Men	21/11/25 08:17 AM
30	“He’s a good man, but…” Marriage isn’t the lifelong deal it used to be, and divorce today is brutally expensive and emotionally draining. Add mid life crises and menopause into the mix, and the volatility only increases. From a risk-return standpoint, a lot of men see marriage as offering little upside and far more downside statistically, it is riskier than going all in on the table at a casino.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/11/25 07:39 AM
3	Early stages advice First off, don’t move out. Not into the ADU, not down the street, nowhere. The minute you leave the main house, it looks like she’s the primary parent and you’re the visitor. Courts love that narrative. Also, at some point she’s going to date again, and you absolutely don’t want to be living 30 feet away watching that circus. Get a co-parenting plan drafted now. While things are still semi-civil, get the basics in writing, schedule, responsibilities, interaction with new "friends", medical stuff…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/11/25 08:30 AM
3	She’s hanging out at my brother’s house alone. Wow, your brother... Get everything down, see you lawyer and move on. Remember you can only control yourself, and show up for your son. He will see that. It's going to be hard Christmas day, but surround yourself with friends or decent family. You got this.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/11/25 08:23 AM
12	Did anyone else experience a complete 180 like this before divorce? A lot of women check out way before we even realise the relationship’s in trouble. They’ve already talked it to death with friends or divorce groups, figured out their new chapter, and processed everything while we’re still trying to make date night work. By the time it hits us, they’re emotionally done and somehow we’re the designated villain. Because if they admit they played a part, that means taking responsibility… and that’s not a popular option, no one wants to be the bad guy. My therapist…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/11/25 08:19 AM
1	Don’t know if divorce is the right choice. Feeling stuck Red flag, run!!! Having a kid won't make you happy. Don't lock yourself in with her, it sounds like the relationship is already rocky and you're miserable. Don't know if she's cheating but she'll most probably have someone in the wings, otherwise she wouldn't have given you the ultimatum. Run!	/r/Divorce_Men	31/10/25 04:39 AM
1	Should I separate from partner Move the money, wait a few years, then decide. It's going to be a lot easier to salvage the marriage if you both work on yourselves vs a divorce.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/10/25 09:10 AM
2	Moving on… (A rebound or a slam dunk…) Hey man, you’re in the thick of it that grief cycle hits hard. Divorce really is like a death without a funeral, and you’re just feeling all the waves right now. That’s okay. I’m older than you, and I promise it gets better once you start rebuilding you. You’re already doing the right things working out, eating better, staying away from the numbing stuff. Don’t go back to weed; go for a run, get out, meet new people, try something different. Relationships after divorce aren’t doomed. Give yourse…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/10/25 03:57 AM
1	How did you guys move on.. Man, I’ve been there that kind of sudden walk out wrecks you. It’s abandonment, plain and simple, and it hurts because you built your life around her. But this is your moment to move forward, not chase her. You’re still young, no kids, trust me, that’s a blessing. It’s a reset, not the end. A lot of people in their mid 20s bail when real life stops feeling like the fantasy. It’s not uncommon. What you’re feeling isn’t just heartbreak, it’s that abandonment wound talking. Check out Dr. Maika Stei…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/10/25 03:40 AM
4	For real? It's just a starting point for negotiations, just get your ducks in a row. Stop paying anything else for her unless advised by the lawyers. I'm sure you've documented everything, so now is the time to act strategically. Good luck!	/r/Divorce_Men	30/10/25 03:33 AM
3	Spousal Support Hope this helps: Scenario assumptions Marriage length: ~15 years (~180 months) Situation: Urban/suburban AZ, good income for you (upper‑middle class), her earning capacity somewhat lower (you’ll have to detail yourself) She doesn’t trigger the full “Rule of 65” exception (you’d have to check her age + marriage length = 65+ for that to apply) state48law.com+2state48law.com+2 Aim: Settlement vs trial Best‑Case Settlement Scenario Duration: Using the “30‑50% of marriage length” heuristic → ~15 yrs …	/r/Divorce_Men	29/10/25 04:30 AM
1	STBX has it disappeared with the kids Another POS exwife tactic. Sorry for all the emotional roller coaster you must be going through. Stay strong!	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/25 07:35 AM
3	Just got told my wife didn't want to keep working on our marriage, then she tried to get me to leave this same day Damn… I’m so sorry, man. That’s straight-up betrayal, and anyone would be in shock. You’re not rambling, you’re just trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. You did the right thing by not leaving. Right now, focus on survival, not understanding her. Document everything texts, calls, anything and get a lawyer involved if you can. Protect yourself and your stuff. It's survival mode now. Once you’re safe, let yourself feel it. Cry, pace, curse, whatever. This sucks. It’s trauma, …	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/25 07:31 AM
2	Finally Accepted That It’s Over Keep that mindset! Proud that you've grown so much and keep an open heart.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/25 06:54 AM
1	Don’t Mistake Sex for Love It’s wild how so many of our stories fall into the same few categories. Haven’t we learned anything by now? 😂 It really does seem like most good relationships last about a decade before one person quietly checks out in the same familiar pattern. Maybe it’s time we just accept that and protect ourselves better emotionally, mentally, financially.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/25 06:48 AM
1	Biggest Fuck Up? Holding on to anger and believing my feelings still mattered to her was like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/25 06:43 AM
2	Finally Accepted That It’s Over Man, it sounds like you’ve finally hit that point of clarity and that’s great. It’s over, and as hard as that is, it’s also freeing. You can’t make her happy or fix her, and she doesn't value you. That’s her journey. Now it’s time to focus on you. Work on yourself, not to win her back, but to rebuild your life and actually be happy again. Don’t sit in the sadness too long, learn from it, grow from it, and carry that wisdom forward. You’ve already done the toughest part of accepting the truth. No…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/25 06:31 AM
11	After 20 years Man, I'm sorry to read this, 20 years is a lifetime of love and loyalty. You stood by her through everything, even cancer, and that shows your real character. It’s okay to hurt, but don’t let it break you. Work on yourself, don’t wallow but learn from it and turn that pain into wisdom. The only person you can truly count on is yourself. Stay strong, brother this chapter isn’t the end, it’s version 2.0 upgrade and rrebuild for you.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/10/25 03:28 AM
1	R/Divorce Help Honestly, your proposal sounds more than fair. You’re offering her the house, which is fully paid off, and you’re even willing to let her take your Social Security for up to four years until she retires , that’s a generous bridge. What she’s asking for, though to have both your SS and her pension later isn’t balanced. Once she starts collecting her $7k a month pension, she doesn’t need to keep drawing from your SS. At that point, she’d have both long term assets (the house and pension) and your …	/r/Divorce_Men	21/10/25 09:42 AM
6	At marriage counseling today... This! They plan it months in advance. This is to show she "cared".	/r/Divorce_Men	17/10/25 04:17 AM
1	Taking kids away Let us know how it goes. Hang in there, you got this!	/r/Divorce_Men	17/10/25 03:35 AM
3	Termination of Alimony Congrats brother on your freedom! Laws evolve through public pressure, but alimony remains an archaism based on the negligent, old school assumption that marriage is forever, I would dare say it's negligent to agree with it. The permanent nature of these payments is now seen by many men as financially toxic, creating a lifelong burden that doesn't fit modern gender equality or economic realities. Time for change.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/10/25 03:35 AM
1	My Friend Said Something That Made Me Smile…. I've been getting enquiries all round since my divorce.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/10/25 03:28 AM
2	My Friend Said Something That Made Me Smile…. Well said! The greatest revenge is living well and building yourself up. The phoenix always rises from the ashes.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/10/25 03:27 AM
6	Just want to put this somewhere. The shock you're feeling is immense, and it’s completely understandable that you're a ball of anxiety and suffering. Your wife made her choice months ago, and her focus is strictly on her future. You cannot salvage a relationship when only one person is fighting for it, and you certainly cannot change people. You need to stop focusing on her and start focusing on protecting yourself and your future. Get Your Ducks in a Row The time for emotional pleas is over; the time for strategic action is no…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/10/25 03:23 AM
4	Ridiculous accusations I'm sick of the double standard in family court. How many times do judges need to see the exact same cookie-cutter domestic violence (DV) accusation in divorce case after divorce case before they realize something is seriously wrong? When the overwhelming majority of women are all making the same vague claims, it stops being a unique tragedy and starts looking like a legal strategy. It's not that DV doesn't happen. It absolutely does, and we should never tolerate or condone it, whether it's agai…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/10/25 03:04 AM
15	I served my wife divorce papers while she was blowing her date in a car F**king gold! Love it!	/r/Divorce_Men	09/10/25 04:19 AM
5	Going no contact… Really sorry to hear but agreeing with the guys here that no contact is the way to go, especially with no kids involved. Focus on yourself, focus on your healing, watch things to help you change your mindset. You're going through the different stages of grief (I liked Maika for this, she's got some good pointers Maika's videos Grief Stages ). I promise you it won't last forever, but it will take time. Good luck and know there are people here that care. Stay strong brother.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/10/25 06:52 AM
2	Taking kids away Here’s the short version: no, it’s generally not acceptable for one parent to unilaterally remove the kids from school or take them out of town without notice or consent if there’s a temporary custody order in place, unless that order explicitly allows it. A few key points, legally speaking (under Texas Family Code): Temporary Orders Rule: If you have temporary orders in place, those orders govern travel, school attendance, and possession schedules. Most temporary orders include a “geographic re…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/10/25 09:27 AM
5	You can get there even when it seams impossible. 100% agree with time, it's what is needed. Great that you have the kiddos 50/50, I got mine too! It's a win all round then! You can always get a new house. Concentrate on yourself and your kids. Good luck and glad you got some peace.	/r/Divorce_Men	07/10/25 09:23 AM
2	Need help or comment on situation about my wife Brother, this one is toxic. Lies, secret hookups, mocking you in group chats, and dismissing your feelings isn’t just disrespect it’s emotional betrayal. Cheating isn’t just physical; it’s secrecy, manipulation, and contempt. Ask yourself: do you feel safe, respected, and valued? If not, that’s enough. Divorce isn’t failure, staying in a toxic marriage is. Focus less on digging up her past and more on protecting yourself and your future. You’ve already seen the person she really is. Toxicity doe…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/09/25 09:58 AM
1	Well, the acceptance is setting in. And it sucks. But I’m proud of myself? I can feel the weight in your melancholic words. That kind of betrayal doesn’t just break trust, it rips a hole in your identity. The shock keeps you moving for a while, but when that fades, the sadness hits different. It’s quiet, heavy, and real. But here’s the thing, you already did the hardest part. You stood up for yourself when it mattered. Most guys cave, you didn’t. That sadness you’re feeling now? It’s not weakness. It’s your heart healing and recalibrating. Proof that you were all in an…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/09/25 09:55 AM
2	For those that were betrayed….How long did the shock take to wear off? It’ll take months, not days. The hardest pill? You can’t control her choices, her thoughts, or her timing. You’ll torture yourself with what ifs while she’s out sleeping soundly. That’s reality. Here’s the shift: stop bleeding energy into her and start investing it back into you. Eat clean. Move your body. Train your mind. I swore my story was “different.” It wasn’t. It’s just human nature, and most of us guys suffer in silence until we land in a place like this. And yeah women usually plan this…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/09/25 09:47 AM
7	Thank you Glad to hear that, brother. It really does help knowing we’re not the only ones getting dragged through this shit. You’re right, most of us were raised to bottle it up, but finding a space where guys can be raw and honest about our pain is a game changer. The ups and downs don’t stop overnight, but every step forward is proof you’re stronger than you think. Keep leaning on the village, we’ve all got your back. Stay the course, it does get easier. And don’t forget to keep some gratitude close eve…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/09/25 07:19 AM
1	Feeling a return of despair That’s awesome, man! A big congrats on getting the financial separation sorted. Huge milestone. The beach apartment with your son and parents sounds like the perfect fresh start. It fricking sucks getting here, but now you’ve got a clean slate to build from, a new future for you guys to write. Proud of you for pushing through, new chapter, new you.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/09/25 07:17 AM
1	Feeling a return of despair Thanks for sharing, I’m in the same boat. It duckin sucks, and I wish we could just therapy these feelings away. But sometimes we have to sit with the pain, face our demons, and learn to love ourselves through it. Time is seriously underrated & healing isn’t instant. Proud of what you’ve done so far, keep facing your trauma, and the peace will come. Stay strong, you're not alone in this!	/r/Divorce_Men	11/09/25 07:53 AM
3	I think it's coming. Get your ducks in order, prepare for the fight, don't be nice now, be generous later.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/09/25 04:56 AM
2	The real fight in divorce isn't about the money or the blame. It's the internal shit no one talks about. It broke me too, messy, draining, and brutal. But I chose to build myself back up. The front lines are the finances, legalities and kids, however I feel the real hidden war isn’t the legal fights or finances it’s the inner turmoil. Losing your identity, grieving a life that’ll never happen, and watching your stability platform get kicked over like a sandcastle by vindictive adult children, makes me wonder how the hell some people are brought up. Surviving this doesn’t make you weak, it makes you…	/r/Divorce_Men	11/09/25 04:55 AM
12	“Women cheat because of emotion” is honestly a Coping Mantra to help our male ego, and for women to protect their own dignity. Honestly, what cheating really is, in a lot of cases, is a precursor, a signal the relationship is already on the way out. It’s incredibly prevalent, and while many women say they want a long-term relationship and kids, too often they don’t want to deal with the rest commitment, loyalty, respect, responsibility, accountability. Their sense of entitlement takes over. Western society doesn’t hold them accountable, and men end up paying be it emotionally, financially, everything. Honestly, if you’r…	/r/Divorce_Men	11/09/25 04:45 AM
2	Dating Mid 40s Getting out in one piece? Huge win. Women change: menopause, stress, life shifts and even the good ones can turn unpredictable. You can always welcome a nice transient visitor, but toxic and chasing you down the street naked? Danger, danger, Will Robinson. Have fun, protect your peace, and never buy the cow to drink the milk.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/09/25 04:35 AM
13	Why the fuck would anyone get married again? What’s the actual value add of marriage for men today? You don’t need a license to love a woman, live with her, or raise kids with her. But you do need one to hand the state control over your money, your home, and even your kids if things blow up. Yes, a great marriage can be amazing for kids, but that’s the unicorn. The reality? Most marriages collapse, and divorce is a bloodbath. Emotional trauma, financial ruin, kids in the crossfire. It’s easy to get married, but escaping it is like crawling…	/r/Divorce_Men	11/09/25 04:18 AM
5	Dating Mid 40s Exactly. I’m not chasing a relationship just to tick a box. What I’ve seen is that a lot of women don’t really think about what they bring to a man’s life until they’re single and the reality of being alone sets in. That’s when the panic hits, and in my experience, many of the available ones have a lot of unresolved emotional issues. I think it’s fair for men to ask, What are you bringing to the relationship? How are you adding value to my life? If she can’t answer that, you’re better off walkin…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/08/25 03:31 AM
1	There's hope guys Great job and thank you for sharing! Wish you the best and keep on becoming the best you!	/r/Divorce_Men	22/04/25 07:31 AM
2	Its happening and im devastated Man… that hit deep. I’m going through something not identical, but close enough that I feel a lot of what you’re saying in my bones. It’s not just about the split, it’s the grief, the fear of what the future looks like, the weight of responsibility, and that crushing sense of losing something you worked so hard to build. I’ve had panic attacks, felt completely unravelled/helpless, and of course some dark thoughts have crept in too. But like you, it’s the kids that pull me back. They don’t even r…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/04/25 07:11 AM
10	My Life Wasn’t the Problem 6 months into it and I'm feeling exactly the same things you are! I didn't realised I dreaded coming home to her, and now I've confronted my own avoidance in my life. I love doing new things, meeting new people and I'm in the best shape, so much happier, grateful for what I've achieved. I'm the best version of myself in decades. The hardest part for me is the kids and having a narcissistic unappreciative stbx. I do what I want everyday within reason and there's no nagging voice or coldness when …	/r/Divorce_Men	06/03/25 04:29 AM
1	Holiday divorce Definitely, you will be so much happier, and life is so much better there. Wouldn't do Malaysia as it is a lot stricter. Give her half and get divorced. I'm only worried about the 16yo.	/r/Divorce_Men	24/02/25 04:31 AM
7	Questions about couples therapy Based on my experience, it depends where you are in the relationship. Counselling is only a bandaid on a gunshot wound. You need to do more if you want it to work. Counselling isn't magic, and it takes multiple sessions and a lot of time. An hour a week isn't going to cut it. If there's another person involved, prepare and get your ducks in line for divorce. Remember divorce also involves a lot of time and effort, so if the relationship is salvageable then go for it. There was love there once, i…	/r/Divorce_Men	19/02/25 12:01 AM
10	I wish she hurt me. Hey, I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through. It’s a tough time, but try to focus on being kind to yourself. Remember, it takes two to create chemistry, so don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s natural to go through the stages of grief, but it does get better with time. Practicing mindfulness might help you find some peace along the way.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/01/25 08:40 AM
2	Holiday divorce Sell it, run away to a non extradition country, life will be cheaper and better there. Would say indonesia, vietnam or cambodia. They won't find you.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/12/24 05:12 AM
2	Meditation It is! And the women are smoking!	/r/Divorce_Men	17/12/24 05:07 AM
16	Why is it always the same story? Same same but different. They're all the same especially in their late 30s/40s/50s. Perimenopause and menopause causes a lot of chemical imbalances for some. Midlife crisis an fomo is another big factor. Maybe also if men shared a lot more and people were taught how communicate, then it wouldn't happen as much. The number of guys coming to me with "my story" who are still married is ridiculous. The support network for men sucks to say and I try to assist where I can. My view on marriage is now c…	/r/Divorce_Men	17/12/24 05:06 AM
1	The idea of dating is exhausting. I want to skip ahead to where we are snuggling on the couch watching a movie. Agree with the other comments, love yourself and don't put so much pressure on yourself, women smell desperation a mile away. Learn to deal with rejection. You can still snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie! Get some FWBs.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/12/24 04:23 AM
1	Meditation Meditation is great! I'm glad you found it, it really allows you to clear your mind, refocus it and allows you to be in the now. I've started after the divorce and it's great! I just don't want to end up in bali doing eat pray love...	/r/Divorce_Men	17/12/24 04:20 AM
4	Divorce on the horizon Once you give up your heart to someone else in an EA, there is a very very slim chance of coming back. You only have so much emotional energy to give, if it's not for you. Move on, she's not telling you the full truth, she's fallen out of love. Money is only so important, you need to be able to meet their emotional needs and I think in most marriages, we all neglect the connection and affection. Good luck and stay strong!	/r/Divorce_Men	03/12/24 06:31 AM
3	It got better, way better. (I know you’re tired of hearing this) Hey great for you, having a positive mindset. I'm still going through this. I I went from shaking to happy in a month and a lot of therapy. I'm very grateful and thankful that I can afford therapy, which helped me look at myself in more depth and understand the anxiety and grief that I have. I thought I could do it in a week, the therapist said no you can't, you need time, and you need to focus on yourself, she said let it out be angry, give yourself sometime to be that, then kind to yourself. I…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/11/24 02:57 AM
2	Need some help understanding my emotions Hey hurt is hurt. So fill your life up with activities, don't hibernate, and watch some good therapy videos on YouTube if you can't afford therapy. I highly recommend what is working for me now is therapy in a nutshell, Dr. Maika Steinborn or Kait Ann-Michelle (@kaitannmichelle). Those really helped me understand my pain, my nervous system and how to cope with the anxiety and stress of a break up. You will learn to love again and be loved. Peace.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/11/24 06:52 AM
2	You are enough. You were ALWAYS enough. We are all enough, be kind and compassionate to ourselves. Suffering is a human condition so talk to yourself in third person, how you'd speak to a friend. We'll all go through this and I wish we all talked more amongst men. Don't let fear get us down. We are men, hear us roar!	/r/Divorce_Men	04/11/24 03:42 PM
2	Healthy divorce? I feel you, going through a divorce atm. We're trying our best to see the kids but reality of it all is I will come home to an empty house. It kinda sucks. But remember that the people in this world that love you the most are your parents and your kids. I really hope I don't mess this up because they are everything, and everything I do is for them. Any time with them is a good time, but don't become the babysitter.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/10/24 03:16 PM
1	Can’t sleep Ditto, it's that 3-4 window waking up in panic. I find putting in a pair of earphones and meditating back to sleep. Drs gave me some hydroxyzine a drowsy antihistamine, but I feel groggy the next day. A walk or a workout helps too. Hang in there, i hope it gets better.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/10/24 02:59 PM
2	I was cool until it got real, real fast. The move out. The mediator. Talking to friends helps a lot. After spending the weekend in panic and lots of meditation, I went to my therapist today. I wanted to share what I learnt today. I am having panic/anxiety attacks. They come in waves and if we aren't careful, they over in waves from stress to triggers to the peak, then downwards to recovery and control. If we don't control them, the peak continues and we aren't able to get back to normal (or in most our cases, and slightly elevated baseline, so instead of back to 1, back to 4 vs 10, things will …	/r/Divorce_Men	28/10/24 03:56 AM
3	Your going to be ok !! Ouch, hope you're ok, that sounds like a lot! Stay strong.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/10/24 11:11 AM
2	How do I get my damn mind off her Don't give up, you're still here! Baby steps, go for a walk, meet up with a friend for coffee, eat well, forgive yourself, forgive her. Try meditating, I used Spotify, glenn harrold. You can try to find one that fits you.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/10/24 10:35 AM
2	Things do go back to normal and you will feel joy and happiness again and it doesn’t have to take that long! Love this, guys we need to share more like this. You're not alone, and it helps to share our pain, knowledge and victories. Am going through this right now and and your post has helped a lot. So thank you Stitching.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/10/24 10:31 AM
6	I was cool until it got real, real fast. The move out. The mediator. Talking to friends helps a lot. Good post! I had the same reaction as you. Just one day last week, the panic attacks happened, my hands were shaking, I literally became incoherent. I can't work effectively and getting memory blanks. I'm going through a divorce now, mutually agreed upon and I think we'll both be happier for it. She was my best friend and it's important for our kids. I feel it's because my stability platform, the family, is broken, it's being taken away and there's uncertainty. Our bodies are telling us somethin…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/10/24 10:25 AM