~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 31 | Imagine celebrating men for doing the bare minimum!Abusive NVM make it so easy for regular LVM to look like a godsend... :( | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/21 06:19 PM |
| 56 | Just a friendly reminder that men will date and marry women they don’t like.Funny thing is how she is actually gorgeous as opposed to him whom no sane woman would give a second look. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/11/21 05:21 PM |
| 198 | They don’t respect you when you settle for them, because even they know they are not the man they can beTHIS. When you settle, you're doing yourself a big disservice. Not because you'll necessarily be unhappy - I know how unconditionally accepting and perfectly happy in an imperfect relationship a woman can be. But because what OP said. Men are acutely aware of their shortcomings and will subconsciously hate a woman who chooses to accept these. And then they will pedestalise women with higher standards who rightfully reject them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/21 01:29 PM |
| 7 | Have you dated a man that can actually clean up?Yes, one of my exes was like that. Unfortunately, he was an LVM in (too many) other ways. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/11/21 08:28 AM |
| 5 | Reminder: Don't befriend male colleagues who are married!When they're single it's even worse TBH | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/11/21 10:28 PM |
| 31 | Why Being Called "Wife Material" or "Girlfriend Material" Isn't Always a Compliment, Especially If It's Said To You By An LVM - A lot of the times, they are projecting qualities like unwarranted excessive deference, humility, obedience, bangmaid duties onto their "ideal" wife or girlfriendNot only isn't it a compliment, it's an insult for me that my LV exes deemed me wife material or even girlfriend material! LOL Now I know it's because I was in my pickme mindset back then and shrinked myself to be low-maintenance, indiscriminate, docile and conflict-avoidant. I don't want to ever be wife material again, only the opposite. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/11/21 09:08 PM |
| 33 | Very young woman needs talking through to understand why she should dump older scrote and avoid them in general.What is wrong with the world that a freaking 20-YEAR-OLD girl child is already afraid of having "regrets" over some terrible guy who's just one of a thousand terrible guys (and maybe a few good ones) she'll meet in her lifetime? She hasn't even hit a woman's prime time yet... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/09/21 10:51 AM |
| 48 | If a guy says he wants to marry you, how soon is this proposal?Not enough data to say anything, but this might also be future-faking. Actions, not words. | /r/askFDS | 23/09/21 06:20 PM |
| 388 | Let’s create a megathread: What is one of the best pieces of advice you’ve learned from this sub that has blown your mind or had the greatest impact on your life?If a guy gets angry when you set a boundary, it's not something bad. It's actually something good: you dodged a bullet. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/09/21 06:43 PM |
| 17 | Ladies, In Desperate Need of Advice…Meeting Up with A Former Coworker who I have a crush on…Girl. If you throw yourself at him, then yes, there is a chance he'll take this opportunity and use you. And you will feel million times worse than now. Take a deep breath and occupy your thoughts with something you love doing. Trust me, you will feel great about yourself when you just let this crush fade and don't act on it. Everything you described is a recipe for disaster. | /r/askFDS | 20/09/21 07:21 PM |
| 188 | What age range do you belong to?I'm delighted to see that the majority is as young as 18-25. Entering the dating scene already equipped with the FDS wisdom and not having to learn the hard way. This new generation of women is kicking ass. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/09/21 06:13 PM |
| 399 | If a man is willing to sleep with me too soon then I stop finding him attractive.It always amuses me how some men think that "being experienced" is something to brag about to a woman they want to win over. If a woman started to talk about her body count, they would be repulsed, but somehow still believe it's a double standard that doesn't apply to them. It does. I find men for whom sex is not just a bodily function like peeing incredibly attractive and interesting. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/09/21 07:34 PM |
| 24 | Following hot girls on instagram - red flag?Red flag. HVM, especially HVM in their 40s, don't waste time on browsing Insta models, they are too busy with their careers, hobbies and interests. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/09/21 07:07 AM |
| 57 | What makes YOU so amazing??!Unwavering integrity and ethics. Constant curiosity, which makes me always want to learn new things and explore new interests. Sense of humour and mellowness. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/09/21 07:50 PM |
| 14 | Is it possible for women to be misogynists?Of course, just like there are internalised racists, ableists etc. | /r/askFDS | 01/09/21 08:04 AM |
| 19 | Do you believe that men are only as faithful as their options?I believe that the man is faithful if two conditions are met: he's with the woman he actually wanted, not a placeholder or some second choice; he's secure in himself and has a healthy ego, i.e. doesn't feel the need to constantly prove his attractiveness. Usually these two go together, as an attractive and self-confident man has no problem pursuing exactly what he wants and is unwilling to settle for less. The problem is that most men don't have a healthy ego and self-esteem due to their actual … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/08/21 08:00 AM |
| 20 | How has FDS made you reevaluate how your father/brother(s) treat you?My father can be nice and charming, but also dismissive and hurtful. I used to have a soft spot for him and be too forgiving about his neglect when I was a child and his negging/sarcastic "jokes" throughout the years. Now that I can see more clearly that it's just a variation of some "hot and cold strategy", I no longer fall for his "nice" periods. Result? Surprise, surprise! After 30+ years he finally started to respect me! Unfortunately, I don't really respect him anymore as I finally determin… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/08/21 03:16 PM |
| 38 | Look out for these traits in yourself, acc. a narc in therapyExactly! As a neurodiverse person myself, I felt really uncomfortable by being put in one box with narcs. Especially that they could totally work on their issues if they wanted to, while neurodiversity is an innate brain wiring and not something we can change. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/08/21 09:35 AM |
| 47 | Look out for these traits in yourself, acc. a narc in therapyJesus. This is exactly the kind of narc I've found myself with (un)surprisingly often. And these used to be (and some still are) some of my personality traits. And this: "then I have to worry about the existential question about whether me encouraging character growth is just my narcissistic control stepping in" was exactly why I put up with said narcs for years. I believed that what we had was actually a "supportive" relationship with them making me a better person. :/ Just because it might hav… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/08/21 08:52 AM |
| 55 | Is he a HVM or is he just less abusive?Preach! Experience with NVM can make you mistake LVM for HVM. This is what happened to me twice. Both times I was freshly out of a humiliating situationship with an emotionally unavailable/abusive NVM, so starved of basic human warmth, affection and simply being in a normal relationship that I idealised the next man who wanted to give me this. Both happened to be LVM who just showed their true colours a little later on. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/08/21 02:01 PM |
| 8 | I have never met a HVM in the context of dating… how common is this?Never met any through OLD. Never dated any either. About those I happen to know IRL through work or common friends... I can only suspect which are HVM, because there is no way to know without actually living with them and getting to know them after the honeymoon phase ends. But my guess is that 5-10% are true HVM. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/08/21 03:50 PM |
| 55 | How does liking a guy work?I relate, I'm a big "crusher" too. :) Pre-FDS this made me get into relationships way too soon and inevitably lead to bad outcomes due to the lack of proper vetting. My current approach is like this: my emotions aren't something I can or should, or want to suppress. I just let them be, but now I'm also using my reason and whenever I develop a crush on a guy I don't know well, I remind myself of all the things that were wrong with guys I thought to be perfect before. And no matter how much I ador… | /r/askFDS | 15/08/21 10:09 AM |
| 8 | Does anyone else feel like an outcast at their job for being single? It sucks.Honestly, I don't relate. Could it be specific to this particular company/department/team or your region? Aren't there really any other singles? At my work a majority of people is in the 25-35 age group. I'd say maybe 70% are married or in relationships, but it is unnoticeable for me at the workplace and beyond, e.g. at work events and team-building activities, as they are never +1, only for the employees. This definitely helps. But I also admit that I have a different mindset: I'm proud of bein… | /r/askFDS | 15/08/21 08:15 AM |
| 441 | Make it stop. 💀Another example of this weird pickme defense mechanism where she suggests something low effort and low value first before he does, so she can feel better that it was her idea. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/08/21 08:17 PM |
| 43 | Don't Stroke His Ego, especially in the early stages!100% true, especially about the compliments about the looks. You compliment the tiniest detail about the guy's looks, even if it's unrelated to their body per se, like a piece of clothing, and they think you're head over hills in love with them and/or want to have sex with them immediately. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/08/21 01:50 PM |
| 22 | Don't Stroke His Ego, especially in the early stages!This is a perfect summary of a great post! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/08/21 11:00 AM |
| 86 | Don't Stroke His Ego, especially in the early stages!Ah, this is exactly what I needed. I used to have a lot of people-pleasing tendencies and despite years of unlearning and unconditioning, they still linger. I also tend to unconsciously emulate my pickme mother's interactions with my LVM father, whom she praises for the lowest effort... The result is exactly like you described. He's praised for low effort, so he is low effort LOL. Also, your strategy is actually a great narcissist repellent. They have the most fragile egos and thus target nice, … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/08/21 10:41 AM |
| 11 | My strategy for Pickme AnthemsHaha, yes! In my case it started when I was heartbroken after some mediocre LVM and love songs really ruined my mood. It was this golden oldie that goes: "I believe in miracles since you came along, you sexy thing" when I looked in the mirror and started singing this to myself. Now I love to reframe all soppy love songs like they are about my self-love. <3 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/08/21 09:39 PM |
| 15 | Women that join men to bitch about or laugh at other women, are bottom barrel.As I work in a male-dominated field, I get this A LOT about our few female coworkers. When I refuse to join the bitching, most guys are surprised, which makes me sad that it's apparently such an unusual reaction from a woman. Then, their reactions vary: some are visibly irritated that I dare to not play along, but some become more respectful. Both groups are LVM for gossiping, especially about these women's looks, but maybe at least there's some hope for the latter... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/08/21 08:36 AM |
| 41 | Obviously this isn’t the right place for this, but it kinda does relate to dating so hope the mods will let it stay up.CBT and exposure therapy is less and less recommended for trauma by modern psychology. I don't know about the availability in your region, but I suggest looking into more empathetic types of therapy like ACT and DBT or maybe something like somatic experiencing and EMDR specifically as trauma therapy. And, of course, vet a therapist ruthlessly. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/07/21 08:35 AM |
| 43 | To the ladies who say FDS is "hot girl strategy"This is so handbook material. So important. So well written. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/07/21 03:38 PM |
| 28 | How can I stop being bitter?Social media is just a show. A lot of these girls have settled for the very dudes you wouldn't settle for. | /r/askFDS | 03/07/21 04:23 PM |
| 23 | I'm worried my personality is off-putting to most men.Some people will love you, other people will hate you, and none of it has anything to do with you. With toxic people you're damned if you do and damned if you don't, so you might as well be yourself and give yourself a chance to be seen by people who are attracted to the real you. Let me tell you that I have a completely different personality (I'm very mellow and introverted) and I had men hate it and have the audicity to tell me this as well LOL. | /r/askFDS | 24/05/21 07:05 AM |
| 56 | Don't take romantic relationships so seriouslyThis should be in the handbook as the right mindset to adopt before even starting to date and applying all other FDS principles. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/21 11:27 AM |
| 15 | "Walk like there are three men walking behind you"You mean hunching, pretending that I'm looking around to keep an eye on them, and clenching my pepper spray inside my pocket? LMAO | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/05/21 09:25 AM |
| 25 | How do you cope seeing friends in healthy relationships while you were discarded by a narcissist?Don't romanticise and idealise other people's relationships. Only the two people in the relationship know what it's really like, also behind closed doors, and how it really feels to be in it. If these are good friends and you feel like you really know them well, honest conversations with them can be an ideal resource for you to learn dos and donts of healthy relationships. Maybe your friend is very assertive and that's how she kept narcs away, but attracted a respectful man. If she has strong qu… | /r/askFDS | 16/05/21 08:48 AM |
| 14 | "My ex is crazy" is still a red flag, even if he's telling the truthYes. Emotionally healthy men are in relationships with emotionally healthy woman. If he has a crazy ex, he is, in one way or another (likely covert), crazy too. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/05/21 01:33 PM |
| 1 | Skeptical of FDS because I've seen successful examples of contradictory behavior that workedMost pickmeishas manage to get into relationships and sometimes even get their boyfriends to marry them. This has nothing to do with whether or not those relationships even benefit them. Unless you are in the relationship you are talking about, you have no idea what it is really like behind closed doors. | /r/askFDS | 08/05/21 04:41 PM |
| 21 | That sounds more like having a child than a marriage. I'm glad to be single rather than deal with something like that.I thought it was gonna end with "...and that's why I'm disappointed with married life", but apparently I just can't fathom how being able to talk to a man while he's pooping is a good reward for doing most of the cleaning and cooking ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/05/21 12:15 PM |
| 52 | And you can be a whole Dragon Queen and end up with a JackassYes! My heart was breaking when I watched this "happy ending" LOL. I was like 13 when Shrek came out and it really rubbed me the wrong way to see the princess trade her beauty and royalty just to start a family with a poor ugly guy who maybe offers a bare minimum. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/05/21 08:03 PM |
| 18 | Female friendships and misogynistic propaganda (Part 2)I don't agree. I mean, it is misogynistic propaganda that allegedly only women gossip, because men gossip like crazy too. I never consider gossip constructive or HV, though. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/05/21 05:43 PM |
| 3 | Cringe at me, sisters! Cringey pick me and cool girl behaviors I've done, a master list.You are brave to self-reflect, draw conclusions and share all these. BTW I'm so sorry that your mother betrayed you... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/03/21 05:11 PM |
| 19 | Pickme Narcissistic Women Who Look Down At Single Women Are the WorstAs a former pickmeisha who looked down on successful single women with great professional and social lives while I lived an unhappy life, trapped with an LVM, I can attest that this is the telltale sign of low self-esteem. My ex was making me miserable, I had a mediocre job, because he made me too anxious to try pursuing a proper career, I isolated myself from people because of immense shame... So when I compared myself to other women, being in a relationship was the only thing I had that some o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/03/21 10:18 AM |
| 30 | Don't be Wife LiteWords of wisdom. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/03/21 07:46 PM |
| 25 | The "bed nest" post that was mentioned in the podcastI died at TL;DR 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/03/21 02:23 PM |
| 13 | [VENT + Advice] Arranged Marriages and parentsI don't see any other option than to distance oneself from such parents. Not necessarily cutting all contact, but living on your own and drawing strong boundaries as to the frequency of contact and topics you refuse to discuss. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/03/21 09:56 PM |
| 21 | Having a HV father doesn’t automatically prepare you to gravitate towards HVM.My father is FAR from HVM, but not a total NVM either. He has a lot of LVM issues, but also some HVM traits. Whenever I realise my current boyfriend is worse than my dad in some area, it's an obvious signal for me to break it off. I always think, "if my dad, who's not even the perfect guy, can be decent in such and such situation, then why am I putting up with someone who can't"? This is why I believe that the more HVM the father is, the more chances his daughter has to notice red flags and esca… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/03/21 11:28 AM |
| 84 | How many of you “developed” issues while in a relationship? I’ll go first: depression and anxiety. Cured as soon as we broke up.I had the first migraine in my life within the first month of living with my emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive ex. I suffered from regular migraines for the entire 5 years of our relationship (at least 1-2 per month, sometimes more). As soon as I broke up with him, the migraines were gone. Now I only get a few headaches per year due to stress or weather, but they're much milder and less debilitating. And don't even get me started on all the psychological issues like severe anxiety. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/03/21 12:25 AM |
| 21 | FDS has helped me resist social pressure to date for the sake of conforming to societal normsGirl, do I relate. I'm so proud of you that you figured it all out at only 23. I wish I was this self-aware in my 20s. I actually followed through with meeting societal expectactions and literally forced myself into 2 relationships with LVM. It was hell. Had the hookup phase too and hated it as well. I quit all this BS when I turned 30 and couldn't be happier. I thank my younger self every single day for being wise enough to not trap me in a marriage with children the society once made me to bel… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/03/21 07:05 PM |
| 36 | HVM are not offended by FDSThis doesn't surprise me at all. A hit dog will holler. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/03/21 05:42 PM |
| 173 | Men CAN Level Up. They Don’t WANT To.Women have self-agency, men have entitlement. A typical incel believes that adult relationships owe him the unconditional love his mommy didn't give him. Just the way he is. Which, unfortunately, isn't the case and if men finally understood it, the dating scene would be a much better place. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/03/21 09:52 AM |
| 46 | I'm reading handbook but I have my concernsGirl, do I relate. I used to have similar concerns. I wanted dating to be simple and sincere, because I also wanted a warm and good guy (I like Robin Williams vibes too), so what could go wrong, right? The problem is a lot of sociopaths and narcissists can pretend and emulate such traits so well. Love-bombing, future-faking, all that jazz. This is why FDS is necessary. It's not about pretending or playing some games, but about protecting ourselves. | /r/askFDS | 04/03/21 08:00 PM |
| 91 | I'm reading handbook but I have my concernsThis might come off as harsh, but as long as you're open, tolerable and patient, laying all your cards on the table AND being very sexual at the same time, you are a perfect prey for more LVM and narcissists. I know, I hate this too. But that's how things are and either you accept the rules or you'll lose before you even start playing the game. Most men are not worth your good character and sexuality. This is why you don't want to hand it to them before you vet them hard. | /r/askFDS | 04/03/21 07:42 PM |
| 53 | How has FDS affected your live otherwise than dating?In a multitude of ways that can be roughly summed up in one sentence: I started to unlearn my people-pleasing ways and to learn to prioritise my interest, pleasure and wellbeing. In all social relationships - not only with men, but also with family, colleagues at work, friends, acquaintances and any random people that I randomly interact with in my everyday life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/03/21 12:09 PM |
| 15 | Today is a terrible day to have eyesThere is no other sub that empowers me, educates me, but also sometimes makes me die of laughter 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/21 11:01 PM |
| 13 | I wish I was as strong as some of you are.Those strong women were in your position once. Not feeling strong. Not ready to leave. Confused. And then one day they finally felt strong enough and ready. That day will come for you too if you want it. No need to beat yourself up just because it's not today or tomorrow. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/02/21 09:05 PM |
| 56 | Why do they call FDS female incels?Well, I am kinda involuntary celibate, because there is no man in my life that would deserve me and sex with me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/02/21 11:02 PM |
| 24 | Communication IS NOT keyThe whole “jUsT cOmMuNiCaTe” approach is based on the wrong assumption that everyone is capable of communication, i.e. receiving information and responding to it in an effort to reach an agreement and maximise mutual benefit. No, a lot of people are not. Also, if you have to communicate totally basic things that should be non-negotiables in a relationship, chances are the communication won't help either. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/02/21 11:26 AM |
| 10 | Stop competing with porn stars. You will never win.Exactly. Also, even if you have the technical skills of a porn star, they will disrespect you for being a sl*t LOL. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Women need to stop playing the game they can't win. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/02/21 08:39 AM |
| 8 | Stop competing with porn stars. You will never win.Of course, but what I meant was that men who actually prefer normal sex with women over watching porn attribute the quality of their sex not to the technical skills of their partner, but to the situational background and their feelings towards her. Obviously no pornsick scrotes contributed to this thread, as they don't have memories of best sex LOL | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/02/21 07:55 AM |
| 35 | Stop competing with porn stars. You will never win.There has been a very long thread about people's best sex. Guess what: there were few posts from guys saying that their best sex was with a professional or with some random girl who was so skilled at pleasuring men. Most of them said that the best sex in their life was with a girl they had to wait for, overcome some obstacles for, and basically were crazy about before the sex happened. Truth is if the man is in love, then even if you are crap in bed, for him it will be the best sex in his life. … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/02/21 09:35 PM |
| 112 | Queen energyAhaha love her | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/21 09:00 AM |
| 6 | This needs to be an actual song I can blast in my car. 👑What a time to be alive. More and more female singers-songwriters to cheer women with FDS anthems vs. pickmeisha sad songs romanticising toxic love and heartbreak. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/02/21 08:54 AM |
| 20 | Why you should never give a "nice guy" the slightest chanceBeing a people pleaser the nice guy is is, in fact, another form of manipulation. Sometimes maybe an unconscious one, but still. Dating someone who is not authentic with you is as pointless as dating any other LVM. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/21 09:59 PM |
| 3 | The road to self-love is sometimes painful and arduous but today I'm celebrating myself with a birthstone ring!! We are worth it 👑Thanks <3 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/21 09:13 PM |
| 9 | The road to self-love is sometimes painful and arduous but today I'm celebrating myself with a birthstone ring!! We are worth it 👑Wow, I love this shape, just perfect for FDS queens! You mind telling where you bought it? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/02/21 08:29 PM |
| 13 | Confused - is this modern dating?WTF it has nothing to do with the modernity, but with this dude being complete trash. | /r/askFDS | 23/02/21 07:42 PM |
| 3 | She needs FDS (also her friends are rubbish)I think a little bit of everything you mentioned + the social stigma of being a single woman in most parts of the word + simple fear of loneliness. I think the only way we can help is organic by deconstructing marriage as the only way a woman can get support and a sense of belonging. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/21 08:29 AM |
| 21 | How do I date two men at the same time without feeling guilty?You've been on only one date with each of them, but in fact have already decided whom you choose. Also, you are choosing the one you know less. How can you know so early that Guy A is OK? Of course they haven't shown any red flags yet, they didn't have time... The whole point of dating several guys is not leading someone on once you've already made up your mind, but the opposite: not making up your mind too soon before you do the proper vetting. | /r/askFDS | 22/02/21 08:00 AM |
| 17 | Friend jealous of me?It seems to me like what she says is projection. Projection of how SHE feels about people less wealthy than her. And someone who considers you inferior for any reason, especially such a shallow reason, is not a friend | /r/askFDS | 21/02/21 07:41 PM |
| 23 | How do you handle insecurity and jealousy with dating?This sounds sketchy AF. There's nothing immature or unreasonable AT ALL about you feeling insecure and jealous in this situation. We are talking not just any friend, but a girl he clearly was (and probably still is) into! Plus it's not like he's providing her with shelter in some emergency. Why is she even driving from a different city just to work at your boyfriend's? Can't she find any quiet place in her own city? From my experience... If you're dating a genuine guy, you just don't have to dea… | /r/askFDS | 15/02/21 08:22 PM |
| 55 | What’s the right response to a dick pic that you didn’t really ask for?Girl, you don't have to be nice to someone who makes you feel uncomfortable | /r/askFDS | 09/02/21 09:50 AM |
| 31 | For those of us who haven’t been appreciated or loved... 🌸💖Well, nothing is certain unless this person is yourself. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/02/21 09:28 AM |
| 9 | "You're being sex negative!" is so insulting to women. True sex positivity for women is impossible to achieve in a patriarchal world. Requiring women to be "sex positive" before dismantling patriarchy is such a "fuck you" to women.This. I never felt more empowered and sex-positive than when I stopped having casual sex or any forms of relationship sex I don't feel like engaging in. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/21 08:52 AM |
| 5 | My aunt and uncle are setting my younger cousin up for low self esteem and I'm worriedPlease continue being this kind cousin to her, of course if you have capacity. You are doing something enormously good for her and her future, planting even the smallest seeds of self-respect and self-love in her mind. Letting her see that there are good people out there too. As someone who was abused by parents I can tell you that spending even the briefest moments with someone like you meant the world for me as a child and teenage girl. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/01/21 02:23 PM |
| 16 | She needs FDS (also her friends are rubbish)It's so sad how conditioned women are to gaslight themselves in the most absurd ways just for the sake of saving the marriage and keeping the man. Who will probably leave her for good after 10 more years of making her miserable. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/01/21 08:47 PM |
| 48 | Don't let them trick you, BDSM was never empowering.So he'll just cheat on his wife with women he doesn't respect enough. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/01/21 03:25 PM |
| 25 | “If he was abusive, why did you stay with him?”Probably nothing angers me as much as blaming the victim like that. People should really educate themselves about learned helplessness and similar psychological concepts. Also, not all women have enough money or support network to move out and cut all ties with an abusive life partner overnight. Especially when there are children in the picture. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/01/21 08:05 PM |
| 8 | Is pickmeism actually an unhealed inner child?I think all unhealthy relationship patterns stem from the experiences of our formative years. Usually it's about the relationships with our caregivers and their own relationships they are modelling for us, but also school and peer group experiences. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/01/21 11:17 AM |
| 13 | I find it hard to watch you tubers that are in relationshipsDon't idealise and romanticise relationships with guys. More often than not, this sex whenever they want is crap and boyfriends can't get their girlfriends off. More often than not, after these elaborate dinners made by girlfriends, boyfriends go play video games and don't even help cleaning, not to mention reciprocating and making dinner for their girlfriends. More often than not, relationships have nothing to do with love, are unhealthy in one way or another and leave women with lower self-est… | /r/askFDS | 08/01/21 03:06 PM |
| 24 | "I was a starter wife."- Justine MuskI'm so worried about Grimes. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/01/21 05:53 PM |
| 4 | I love everyone's ring pics, I decided to join in. I got myself my dream car! Taking myself and my pup hiking all along the east coast for 2021.Love it, keep it up girl. Your plans sound amazing, have fun!!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/01/21 08:56 AM |
| 12 | FDS is for any womanFor me, FDS is about respect, above all. And every woman, NO, every human, NO, every living being deserves basic respect. Not only the subgroup of conventionally attractive women. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/01/21 08:50 AM |
| 3 | Is this a joke??? 1,500+ likes (and counting!) on this comment that’s only a few hours hold. Every. Single. Comment. is praising her 😭Wow, so expensive? I'm from a country with a similar equivalent minimal wage, but you can get a decent gold ring with a small diamond starting from £250-300 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/20 01:58 PM |
| 7 | Is this a joke??? 1,500+ likes (and counting!) on this comment that’s only a few hours hold. Every. Single. Comment. is praising her 😭Pickme logic... As if love and a diamond ring were mutually exclusive. I want both, can't help it, sorry not sorry | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/12/20 01:51 PM |
| 38 | Anyone else have this view on having children?Yup, same here. I really like children and this is probably one of the reasons I would be too worried to put some of my own on this planet. Also, as I was abused and neglected as a child, I really feel the need to help other children in this position and maybe make their childhoods a little less miserable than mine. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/12/20 09:42 PM |
| 23 | What if you slipped up and slept with a guy on your rotation?The best thing you can do now is relax and watch his actions. Definitely don't explain yourself or start discussing what happened and what it meant. Wait for his move. If he was smitten by you on your first dates, having sex early is not something that will make his feelings do a 180 degree turn all of a sudden. And if he wasn't, he wouldn't be even if you withdrew sex for months. Don't worry, don't focus on him too much, date the other guys and keep vetting him as well. :) | /r/askFDS | 21/12/20 09:14 AM |
| 49 | obese entitled scrote thinks he deserves better than his gf despite being a LVMThis is why it's not worth giving unattractive men a chance with an assumption that he's not spoiled by female attention and therefore will be more appreciative of you. An insecure LVM will project his insecurities onto you and bring you down. If a HVM has insecurities, he'll work on them and improve himself BEFORE he starts dating and pursuing a woman he wants. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/12/20 09:01 AM |
| 46 | How can anyone possibly think that buying your coworker a sex toy is ok?WTF is wrong with that dude?! I just can't decide whether it's a grosser boundary violation with the fiancee or with the coworker. Either way, if I received such a "gift" AT WORK, I'd be scared sh*ss and report sexual harassment immediately | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/12/20 04:11 PM |
| 34 | The Introvert Struggle That No-one Talks AboutI thought an introvert was someone who likes a lot of me-time and needs to recharge after socialising. Not every person with low self-esteem and people-pleasing issues. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/20 09:56 PM |
| 15 | Is it just me, or do guys with huge dicks put in even less effort?So true! They think that a big dick is enough to make a woman cum by mere mindless jackhammering. They cannot comprehend that neither a big dick nor a small dick is any good without extensive foreplay, oral and whatever she needs. My experience is that guys with small dicks at least put a little more effort and use a variety of techniques, because if a woman doesn't cum, they blame themselves. Men with big dicks would think there's something wrong with her. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/12/20 05:34 PM |
| 67 | Why do men expect conventionally unattractive women to be less confident?They want the "unattractive" women to be crying in a corner somewhere. To be used as a proof that not catering to men's needs and tastes makes women miserable. To disprove their deepest fear that women can be perfectly happy without men, although it doesn't work the other way round LOL | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/20 08:11 PM |
| 14 | I take my own breath away 👑Yas, queen! I once had this epiphany that really changed my life. I was pining and crying over an LVM who'd just ended our pathetic situationship. A happy love song was on the radio. When I heard it, at first I wanted to start crying again, because I so much wanted those romantic lyrics to apply to us! I felt so hopeless, knowing that my happiness is in the hands of some random guy that couldn't care less. Then I caught my glimpse in the mirror. I looked closely at this person whose presence I'd… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/12/20 08:05 AM |
| 33 | How to ignore the feeling of having to keep up/be sexually ‘freaky’?Don't follow content that's not aligned with your values. Even on Instagram there are tons of profiles that are the opposite of what you described. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/12/20 04:14 PM |
| 42 | I can’t believe she said this! 🤢Yeah, nothing like a female family member/friend blaming a woman for what a man did... I'm so glad she's wiser! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/12/20 09:07 AM |
| 5 | I have no words.Jesus, even some LVM have enough decency to make you warm tea when you're sick or at least leave you the f*k alone. I takes a minus million value man to abuse a sick woman like that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/12/20 08:19 PM |
| 18 | Message for women stumbling upon this subThis. When I was stuck in bad relationships, I was very much triggered by FDS-like content. I wanted my choices, i.e. settling for less than I deserved, validated, not questioned. I didn't like seeing women being picky and getting what they wanted, because I was too insecure to do the same. I was angry and scared, because in my subconscious I knew I needed to change my life. And change is much more difficult than settling in your comfort zone, no matter how miserable it is. I'm sorry you've been… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/12/20 09:40 PM |
| 3 | Need advice on how not to compare myself.I know you won't believe me now, but in a few years you'll see that not wasting your youth on dudes was the best idea. I was in a similar position and got into my first serious relationship at 23, not because he was even worth it, but because I was so curious about relationships and "love", and I wanted to fit in. Now I'm grateful that I started wasting time on dudes this late and at least had a few more years to focus solely on myself and my education than a regular girl who starts dating in he… | /r/askFDS | 07/12/20 07:05 AM |
| 27 | Can't believe I ever traveled to see a man 🤡I met this guy in my hometown during summer and shortly after that I moved back to my college town ~1.5-2 hours' drive away. He visited me once, whereas I went to my hometown to see him several times. I lied even to myself that I was also visiting family, but of course I did it only for him. Normally I don't love my family so much to go to see them every weekend and sometimes even during the week LOL. Once I was in such a rush to catch the train that I threw my laptop into the suitcase so forcef… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/12/20 06:57 PM |
| 2 | "You should've crowned her, 'cause she's a goddess. You never got this." One of my favourite FDS anthems. Basically, I find most of Banks' lyrics very relevant and inspiring. Her music is an empowering story of a recovered pickme who became an unapologetic queen.I was thinking about posting Weaker Girl too. Queen mindset at its finest. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/12/20 08:13 AM |
| 3 | "You should've crowned her, 'cause she's a goddess. You never got this." One of my favourite FDS anthems. Basically, I find most of Banks' lyrics very relevant and inspiring. Her music is an empowering story of a recovered pickme who became an unapologetic queen.Definitely one of the anthems, fits queen mindset perfectly! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/12/20 08:12 AM |
| 9 | On wgtow, we are considered a cult. New mods coming down hard on what can be talked about, discussions on male violence & depravity not allowed? Accuse our mods of brigading and trolling. I love FDS, it helped me immensely. This bs post had me leave wgtow.FDS is horribly, horribly misunderstood and misinterpreted. And all it takes to understand us is to read handbook materials. But 99% of FDS haters would rather jump to absurd conclusions than actually read anything here and try to see how beneficial it would be not only for women, but for the society as a whole if male/female relationships followed FDS rules. What is not to like? Women supporting each other instead of putting each other down? Advocating education, good career choices and financi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/12/20 05:56 PM |
| 22 | Beauty & RelationshipsLearnt it the hard way. Ugly and handsome men are equally likely to cheat on you. Handsome men are at least usually nicer. Men with insecurities will try to tear you down and bring you down to their level of self-esteem. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/20 06:58 PM |
| 100 | No girlfriend benefits without exclusivity.Exactly. If a man is really into a woman, he will be the first to make sure they're exclusive, because he can't stand the thought of another man getting close to her. If he acts clueless about what dating is supposed to lead to, he might even agree to a relationship if the woman asks him - if he doesn't have a better option. Once the option happens, he'll most likely leave. That's why women shouldn't even bother insisting on exclusivity. If he wanted to, he would. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/12/20 08:25 AM |
| 8 | How the F do I start online dating as a 23 old Female virgin?Once you're not a virgin, you'll realise there's no big difference. Sex is no rocket science and not something you have to practise or master in order to be valued by men. | /r/askFDS | 01/12/20 05:00 PM |
| 12 | This comic changed my lifeMy first relationship in a nutshell. It lasted 5 years (!) and I almost married him. Gosh, young girls really need mentoring from more experienced women. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/12/20 09:17 AM |
| 2 | Thoughts on this?? I feel like he could’ve easily went to a bathroom at a restaurant, store, or gas station? People in the replies say she should give him a chance.This post and the comments here are the highlight of my day LMAO | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/11/20 10:22 PM |
| 23 | If you fw straight men “only ok” is hella generous.You gave me hope | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/11/20 12:11 AM |
| 235 | If you fw straight men “only ok” is hella generous.When I was still a virgin, I thought I was gonna love sex and have quite a high libido. I can't describe my disappointment when I got my first boyfriend... I thought that sex was super overrated or that there must be something wrong with me. I remember vividly my thoughts that I had better sex and more orgasms with myself as a virgin LOL. It never occurred to me that it was him who sucked. Only found out when we broke up and I hooked up with a guy who wasn't the best either, but much better than… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/20 09:10 PM |
| 5 | This pickme is gonna get herself killing some dayPre-FDS I'd think she's being sarcastic, but I've seen so many severe pickme examples here that I no longer know what is true LOL | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/11/20 10:42 AM |
| 5 | I just got diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. How do you continue to level up and find a HVM when you have a chronic illness?But... you are a bad bitch, fighting a cruel disease. Health problems that are beyond our control and cannot be easily fixed with self-care and healthy lifestyle don't make a HV person any less of a HV person! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/20 01:15 PM |
| 55 | On self careThis. Self-care (or maybe it's self-love) is not (only) pampering yourself or cutting yourself some slack when need be. Sometimes it's the opposite: doing the harder thing or even working your ass off to achieve a goal you'll benefit from long-term. This is the mindset I've only acquired recently and it's already done wonders for me. In my case it's what made me survive a bumpy road of learning a new skill and changing careers. And I believe it was pure self-love to persevere, for the sake of my… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/20 11:37 AM |
| 66 | I like that someone fixed this picture's caption. I have seen it without that. 🤮I am yet to meet a woman who managed to change a guy, especially with such deep-rooted issues as addictions, infidelity, emotional unavailability etc. I've never seen any successful case - it always ends in tears. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/11/20 09:29 AM |
| 37 | NEVER tell scrotes that you’re a virginOne scrote I dated as a young girl ridiculed me when I told him I was a virgin and didn't want to have sex with me, because I was inexperienced and he figured I'd be bad at sex or something. It made me SO insecure. :/ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/11/20 08:17 PM |
| 5 | What‘s wrong with having sex with „Chads“? No woman wants casual sex with an ugly or average dude unless she is a desperate one imo. Why do men want to LTR beautiful women out of their league but shame us for wanting sex with hot men only when casual sex is shallow?Yeah, this post rubs me the wrong way. I hate the Chad/Stacy/Becky etc. narrative as much as I'm repulsed by reducing people to digits. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/11/20 07:54 PM |
| 8 | Why dating with intention is so importantI relate so much! I have a very similar experience. My parents were neither too conservative/religious, nor too liberal. If I were to blame someone, it would definitely be my pickme friends (or frenemies), although I know they can't be blamed either, because they were also brainwashed... Everyone says how good women have it in liberal western countries compared to e.g. women from conservative/religious countries. But it's not like that. In a conservative culture a woman CAN'T sleep around, and i… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/11/20 05:12 PM |
| 31 | Why dating with intention is so importantI have so much anger for the libfem and hookup culture that really brainwashed me in my 20s. I honestly thought I was worthless if I wasn't in a relationship or at least didn't sleep around. In hindsight, neither relationships with LVM nor hookups are worth it. For me, the only male/female contact a woman actually benefits from is a committed relationship with a HVM. Anything else is a waste of time she could spend on progressing her career or other self-improvement. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/11/20 07:14 AM |
| 183 | Don't ask me how though.Yeah, heterosexuality is a curse | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/20 11:16 PM |
| 57 | If This Ain’t A MOOD!!The only reason why I don't regret my hookups is that otherwise I wouldn't learn they're not worth it. Even with the sexiest god of sex who made me weak in the knees... No, it's not like those are some memories I'm fond of. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/20 08:41 PM |
| 139 | If This Ain’t A MOOD!!That's a very accurate description of my mood lately and I love it | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/20 06:27 PM |
| 16 | sex is not a need, it’s a wantBut I think the whole thread refers to men's entitlement to sex with an actual partner. Of course they can satisfy their physical need by masturbation, but they also WANT sex with women for purposes that are not necessary for survival or even thriving, like ego boost, sense of control etc. and also feel entitled to it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/11/20 08:45 AM |
| 246 | sex is not a need, it’s a wantI remember how it struck me when we had this class on Maslow's hierarchy of needs in high school and I was surprised to learn that sex/reproduction is the bottom-tier need, right next to food, shelter etc. It really shows that a guy invented this LOL. Somehow I don't have sex at all when I'm not in a relationship (sex without affection and care and friendship just doesn't do the job for me, and it's hard to find a good FwB like this + I wouldn't risk catching feelings even if I found one) and I … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/11/20 09:15 PM |
| 28 | "5 men who upgraded their women." An article that celebrates men leaving their bob the builder chicks for other younger, hotter women after they reach certain level of success. More reasons to not build with men.I am shocked by this content. Especially by the crazy-making of Rose McGowan, one of the brave women who were first to call Harvey Weinstein out. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/11/20 10:45 PM |
| 54 | 😭😭😭😭For me it's a spider | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/11/20 07:26 PM |
| 50 | How do y’all feel about long engagements? I feel that if after 2 years of engagement y’all ain’t married, it’s not going to happy and it’s most likely doomed.Wow. I'll never comprehend how this guy who looks like me dad (who's fine, but definitely not celebrity tier LOL) doesn't kiss the ground on which this goddess with a successful career and the mother of his children walks. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/11/20 12:21 PM |
| 36 | Dating gets a lot easier whenExactly this. One thing that really changed my life was this mindshift about relationships and singledom. I used to think of singledom as these transient, brief moments between relationships that will cease for good when I'll find the right guy and be with him forever. Now I view singledom as a natural default state, with people and relationships sometimes crossing my road and me keeping them as long as they're adding to my life, not subtracting from it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/11/20 11:33 AM |
| 30 | Multiple green flags! Notice how he gets up to clean immediately, involves the kid in his happiness, puts off the playing till later when the kids are in bed. Etc. It’s the small things.Right? I watched it twice and still don't know what's so appealing. The bar must really be in hell if stuff like that gets praised on FDS LOL | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/11/20 09:36 AM |
| 47 | Is being not family oriented a sign of LV?I am family-oriented in the meaning I would like to have one, but I'm not close to my family of origin, because they're abusive. This is why I never judge anyone based on their relationship with relatives they didn't choose to be related to. | /r/askFDS | 09/11/20 06:36 PM |
| 6 | The balance between self confidence and desiring positive external feedbackYes, it is human (humans experience this need to various degrees, though), but I'd say it's rather social conditioning than nature. And I think it's really possible and healthy to stop being affected by other's feedback on stuff like our sex appeal. Personally, I reached this point in my life where I really can't be bothered. A guy compliments me? No emotions. Thinks I'm ugly? No emotions either. Why? Because it really doesn't mean anything. Most of the times they just say whatever they think th… | /r/askFDS | 08/11/20 04:19 PM |
| 16 | Pickme MusicIKR? I'd add Beyonce to this list, with lyrics like Love On Top, Hold Up or Partition. It's frightening that bestselling artists, to whom millions of impressionable young girls listen, perpetuate the narrative that a woman has to bend over backwards to please some random guy and it's such happiness and success when he finally picks her. -_- Personally, when I was in my pickme phase, I loved Lana and found her lyrics so relatable, yuck! I still like to listen to her music because of the atmospher… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/11/20 09:40 AM |
| 3 | Saw "Target Challenge" on tiktok and thought it's a good excuse for some self-care. Instead of exchanging gifts with someone, I bought it all for myself (hope it's not sad lol idk anyone in my city yet)<3 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/11/20 09:13 PM |
| 5 | Saw "Target Challenge" on tiktok and thought it's a good excuse for some self-care. Instead of exchanging gifts with someone, I bought it all for myself (hope it's not sad lol idk anyone in my city yet)Just a shout-out, because it's so nice to see someone from my country on FDS! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/11/20 08:23 PM |
| 48 | I haven’t used OLD in forever, and this was literally my first experience. “I’m an empath so I feel things more than you” is a massive red flag. What I hear is “I can be as insensitive to you as I please, but don’t you DARE have feelings around me because only my feefees are important”.100% true. I've never heard a really empathetic, kind and caring person call him/herself an empath. Recently I've got it from a rather narcissistic and dramatic girl (she's been through child abuse tho) and I was really surprised that she perceived herself this way, because she's never really supportive for me and mostly talks about herself, her failed relationships etc. Some people think that if they feel sorry about themselves (victim mentality), it means that they are so empathetic. NOT true.… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/20 09:29 AM |
| 17 | When a man has only female friends - red flag?Inability to get along with his own gender is as much a yellow/red flag as it is with cool girls who "are not like other girls" and therefore are only friends with guys, you know the trope. But it also depends if those female friends are really friends, i.e. he doesn't view them as possible sexual partners and cares about them as persons, or "friends" i.e. he flirts with them, but have no deep connection, he only likes to stroke his ego with female company. | /r/askFDS | 13/10/20 08:02 AM |
| 27 | Did I date a narcissist?Sounds more like BPD. Or just a very emotionally immature and volatile person. Anyway, the behaviours you described are unhealthy, whatever the professional diagnosis would be. | /r/askFDS | 12/10/20 12:07 PM |
| 10 | Don’t marry just for loveI agree, but I think by love they meant mere sexual attraction. Love is a rarity these days, maybe even more than other things mentioned. And it includes most of them anyway. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/10/20 07:57 PM |
| 33 | What in the PiCk Me I’M a CoOL GirL Hell is this????!!!Also, self-discipline, consistence and long-term perseverance, which are necessary for committing to any sport, are very HV traits. They don't necessarily mean a HVM, but are a good start. Definitely better than laziness and inability to set goals. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/10/20 08:53 AM |
| 16 | What in the PiCk Me I’M a CoOL GirL Hell is this????!!!Wow, I must have missed something. When did alcoholism become a desirable trait in men? And yeah, he's always down for a burger if you make him one, but don't dream his love for food means he'll prepare any for you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/10/20 08:32 AM |
| 7 | She could have easily navigated ALL three "issues" without trying to stone her own gender to death. Not all women are allies just because they're female.Yeah, this is disappointing coming from her. I always thought she had FDS potential. Some of her other videos on dating (men), relationships and singledom are on point. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/10/20 06:12 PM |
| 52 | The truth!Yes, this was also my experience. Raised by abusive parents, I grew up to be this codependent people pleaser. So there were men in my past who gladly picked me as their future wife. And I couldn't quite put my finger on what was wrong and why I felt so lonely in these relationships. Now I find it terrifying how calculating men can be. They don't even see relationships as a space where two people are authentic with each other, get to know their authentic selves and bond this way. A woman is a pro… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/10/20 08:34 AM |
| 11 | Standards? Whats that?Exactly, same here. I think that's where the "wall" myth came from: men think a woman in her 30s is single because no one wants her. The truth is she doesn't want anyone because no one meets her standards she raised after her 20s LOL. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/10/20 08:33 AM |
| 6 | Omg Sis, you are so lucky! 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 #blessedhunWow, that's some textbook example of rationalisation. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/10/20 08:09 PM |
| 23 | Moved to the US.. can't believe how men treat women hereTrue. In my OLD days almost all guys invited me to decent places and paid. I had only one guy "invite" me to a coffee shop and then insist that he pays for coffee and I pay for the beer we ordered next LOL. He turned out to be the most disrespectful and entitled of all my dates, expecting me to have sex with him after this "date" which was our first (and last, of course). So doing the initial vetting based on the type of date we get invited to is definitely a good idea. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/10/20 10:22 AM |
| 24 | A level of self-love we all need.This sounds more like a narcissistic coping strategy than self-love. There is not a single person in this world who'd have everyone into him/her. Self-love makes us simply accept it. Narcissism makes us insist that everyone we meet must like us, because our self-esteem is too fragile to cope with the fact that some people just don't. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/10/20 08:33 AM |
| 49 | Moved to the US.. can't believe how men treat women hereI'm European and assuming a relationship after kiss/sex MAYBE applies in teenage years. Definitely not in your 20s and later. The hookup culture is rampant here too. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/10/20 07:53 AM |
| 24 | What would you do if there were no men around for 24hrs?Hike in the woods on my own during the day and wander around the city at night, listening to music from my earphones without fear that someone will attack me without me hearing him approach. Or I'd spend the night at the beach to wake up to the sunrise. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/09/20 10:10 AM |
| 66 | Anyone else not find this funny? This is just immature.I don't find anything remotely funny about it. Actually, it gave me the creeps, because apparently he wasn't joking and the whole situation was a power trip. The described behaviour gives off antisocial vibes, as he can't comply with the simplest request and makes a "rebellious" scene instead. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/09/20 02:53 PM |
| 7 | Women are opening their eyes to the lies of libfem culture!It took me 30 years to realise and stop feeling insecure about the fact that I simply feel more sexually liberated abstaining from sex in my singledom than hooking up or engaging in FwB and whatnot. Sexual liberation is all about knowing and trusting yourself, and acting accordingly. It's all about boundaries. I know I feel much worse having sex with LVM than not having sex at all, so I don't mind waiting for years for a relationship good enough for me to have sex in it. Hence my sexual liberati… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/09/20 08:22 AM |
| 37 | ‘.... some occasional hole’ 🤮🤮🤮🤮Yeah, I bet it's a parody, but the last sentence got me thinking: if not small talk and depth convo, what else is there LOL? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/09/20 12:33 PM |
| 7 | Count the red flags in his profile ugh...Why is that women who are into spirituality, meditation, yoga etc. usually become more self-aware and zen, while men turn into some sociopaths trying to use women for porn-style sex by posing as "deep" thinkers? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/09/20 07:56 AM |
| 1 | I love the life goals collages you're posting, so I had to create my own and share it with you!😂 I like her, clearly she's a rebel | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/09/20 06:25 AM |
| 15 | The ”Dogpill”, AKA They think we reject them to fuck dogs.The fact that it even crossed their minds scares me. What kind of sick imagination one must have to come up with this? Talk about projection. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/09/20 05:29 AM |
| 48 | Confessions of a former pick meThis + a pseudo-intellectual, misanthrope and cynic. It usually wasn't long before I found out he relied too much on alcohol/weed etc. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/09/20 06:35 PM |
| 2 | Pickme’s are dangerousThank you for your kind words! <3 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/09/20 01:46 PM |
| 1 | I love the life goals collages you're posting, so I had to create my own and share it with you!♥️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/09/20 08:07 AM |
| 1 | I love the life goals collages you're posting, so I had to create my own and share it with you!Not yet living it, still working for it. I hope it will happen for both of us. 😀 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/09/20 08:07 AM |
| 1 | I love the life goals collages you're posting, so I had to create my own and share it with you!Thank you. I wish you the best of luck on your road! 🙂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/09/20 08:06 AM |
| 2 | I love the life goals collages you're posting, so I had to create my own and share it with you!Thank you. I am so glad it's no longer a men-only industry. Female software developers are my biggest inspiration. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/09/20 08:03 AM |
| 9 | I love the life goals collages you're posting, so I had to create my own and share it with you!If you know what career you want to pursue in IT, then you've already made the hardest first step! When I first got interested in IT, I was overwhelmed by all the information about different types of jobs that didn't ring a bell at all. When I finally decided that I want to code and even chose the programming language to learn, I had a clear goal and it was easier to start working towards it step by step. My self-doubt was huge, because I don't have an academic background in IT. But it's been a … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/09/20 12:23 PM |
| 2 | I love the life goals collages you're posting, so I had to create my own and share it with you!Thank you! ♥️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/09/20 10:22 AM |
| 11 | Older men (late 30s+) claiming they "never met the right one"Well, it depends. Either, this might be a guy (and unfortunately this is often the case) who is just incapable of commitment or, even worse, of love. Treating women as disposable props and waiting for the mythical perfect "one" that'll rescue him from his dull life - but she never comes. Or this can be a very self-aware man (rare occurrence tho) who has fallen in love and loved, but had to break things off because of character/values incompatibility or something. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/20 08:57 AM |
| 9 | Pickmeishas are telling on themselves and it’s hilarious 🤭Pickmeitis 🤣 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/09/20 05:08 PM |
| 168 | Pickmeishas are telling on themselves and it’s hilarious 🤭Somebody pick them already, can't you see they're trying so hard to appeal to you guys? Seriously though, I think that this is the hallmark of a pickme mindset. Internalising mysogyny so much that you perceive FDS the way they described (i.e. like a bitter LVM would) and not as a strategy that clearly benefits women... It's astonishing (and sad) what different takeaways people have from this sub. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/09/20 04:37 PM |
| 14 | Pickme’s are dangerousExactly. Having a child doesn't automatically grow your moral spine, and being childfree doesn't mean a lack thereof. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/09/20 09:54 AM |
| 5 | Pickme’s are dangerousNah, sis. You can have another man. When a baby is born, he or she becomes your top priority. If you prioritise a grown man, who can and should take care of himself, yourself and the baby, over a baby whose survival depends on you, then you should definitely reevaluate your life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/09/20 09:51 AM |
| 18 | Pickme’s are dangerousSame, my mother usually prioritised her emotionally abusive LVM of a husband who treated her like s*t over me who used to love her more than anything in the world (fortunately, not anymore). This is the epitome of being a LVW pickme. I wish such women just didn't procreate. Let them suffer with their LVMs it that's what they want, but why make an innocent child suffer too? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/09/20 09:48 AM |
| 7 | Why do so many women make excuses for their bfs/husbands/male partners?Some women are still more afraid of having a social status of old spinster than being with an LVM. Which made sense a dozen or so decades back, when it was hard (if not impossible) for a single woman to make a living on her own, but now it's just a relic passed mindlessly from generation to generation. It will take some time until women consciously realise that they do not NEED men for survival. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/09/20 08:30 AM |
| 7 | I am a pickmesha and I'm marriedYou are no pickmeisha, you clearly recognise his wrongs and know you deserve better, which makes you ahead of millions of people living in denial. I don't know about the law in your jurisdiction, because I'm not from the US, but I think the general idea is similar. So I suggest keeping a record of his abusive communications like texts and, if possible, recording conversations that prove he's an abuser. With this evidence it should be easier for you to be granted support in divorce/child care pro… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/09/20 09:48 AM |
| 29 | Imagine if all the women that know “that they deserve better”, stopped giving in to men and demanded their worth. Men will never change as long as pick me’s allow them to get away with this behaviorYes, she reminds me of young Angelina Jolie. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/09/20 06:01 PM |
| 133 | I’m Declaring Our Right As Women to Have Specific Penis PreferencesI lost it at the laundry bag with a soccerball LMAO. But yeah, great post, I'm glad this discussion is happening. I always thought I couldn't have a vaginal orgasm until I met a penis cut out for me. I've slept with 4 men in my life and my favourite one wasn't the largest (too painful), but the second largest. The guy didn't even have special moves or something - it's just the length, thickness and straight shape of the penis felt perfect. Sadly, its owner was a terrible LVM, but at least I lear… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/09/20 07:52 PM |
| 1 | So a HVM is just a decent good person. That’s what I’ve learned from reading FDS. What percentage of men are decent good people, and what percent are assholes?As you can see on my example, women are not an amalgam or a uniform species. There are those attracted to toxic masculinity traits and then there are those like me, and many other girls I know, who are sexually aroused by care, warmth etc. :) | /r/askFDS | 04/09/20 12:25 PM |
| 2 | So a HVM is just a decent good person. That’s what I’ve learned from reading FDS. What percentage of men are decent good people, and what percent are assholes?If your goal is sex only, then we are talking about different things. I was thinking about succeeding in romantic long-term relationships. For example, I am a woman who will only have sex in a committed relationship, so I am repulsed by narcissists, bad boys etc. and attracted to warm, kind-hearted men. | /r/askFDS | 04/09/20 10:51 AM |
| 11 | Marries a younger, beautiful woman...still acts like a scrote. Sadly the children will likely follow the cycle they’ve been taught.Yeah, there will definitely be more peace on Earth if you stifle the more empathetic and compassionate human beings, leaving only sick brutes like you to have a voice... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/09/20 07:50 AM |
| 17 | Age, job, education, mattress statusLOL what's with those mattresses of LVM? My last relationship was with an LVM who just couldn't have been convinced to buy even the cheapest bed. He had a great job and income. When I briefly moved in with him, sleeping together on this mattress was a nightmare. When I tried to reason with him, saying that millions of people around the world probably know what they're doing, sleeping on proper beds, he replied that I don't have my own opinion and just want to blindly follow the crowd LMAO. I wan… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/08/20 07:54 AM |
| 6 | Question regarding a unique situationI just want to clarify that CBT is NOT recommended for PTSD. Trauma is stored in the body and it can't be healed on a cognitive level. Some therapies that are more successful for trauma survivors are e.g. EMDR, neurofeedback, somatic experiencing or the psychedelics you mentioned (it's quite new though and might not be available in many locations). | /r/askFDS | 17/08/20 08:57 AM |
| 7 | Question regarding a unique situationI second the therapy idea, but please, seek trauma-informed therapy specifically designed to treat PTSD and/or CPTSD. It's very different than, for example, the popular cognitive-behavioural therapy which can even retraumatise people with symptoms like yours. | /r/askFDS | 17/08/20 08:46 AM |
| 5 | That’s NO king, that’s a CLOWN! 🤡😂Nah, that's not a king. Kings have their queens as partners. What you described is some wannabe master-oppressed servant dynamic. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/08/20 07:48 AM |
| 24 | So a HVM is just a decent good person. That’s what I’ve learned from reading FDS. What percentage of men are decent good people, and what percent are assholes?I think there'd be many more guys acting decently if this ridiculous "alpha male vs. beta simp" BS wasn't so widespread. Promising, but impressionable boys encounter this idea + porn at a very young age, and even if they intuitively know how a woman should be treated, they start to think that disrespecting her is a way to go. They have no idea that this is a double-edged sword and dooms them for unhappy relationships, because even if they lure a young, inexperienced girl with low self-esteem, di… | /r/askFDS | 16/08/20 07:34 AM |
| 26 | "my boyfriend (35m) drugged me (26f) because we got into an argument before a long drive and he wanted me to sleep through it""I don't know if I'm overreacting..." Wait, what? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/08/20 04:51 PM |
| 46 | Sounds about right.Lol, the sneeze reference, perfect analogy. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/08/20 08:52 AM |
| 29 | Why are we so hated?Because a typical FDS regular is the actual dream girl. And men go bats*t crazy when they realise they can't have one if they stick to their LVM ways. What are some values FDS preaches? Be educated, pursue your career, make your own money, cherish your friendships and other social relationships, have your hobbies you're passionate about, take care of your health, put effort in self-care (which usually leads to great looks)... What is not to like? Well, any insecure man knows that it's harder to … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/08/20 07:28 AM |
| 20 | How to deal with a bruised ego / low self worth after a ‘situation-ship’ ?Self-compassion is the key. EVERYONE makes mistakes. And probably no one has a perfect "dating record" with no embarrasing or even humiliating experiences. It's human, not shameful. Remind yourself that us humans always do what we think is best for us at the moment, based on our previous experience. This is how we learn. Thanks to this experience you will better handle your future relationships. Actually, I admire you that you have this insight and wisdom at such a young age. :) Last time I let … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/08/20 08:57 AM |
| 31 | More Pickmeishas normalising abuse and male depravity to appeal to boys on TikTok. What self respecting woman thinks like this?Agreed! It has been long supported by psychology research that we subconsciously seek partners resembling our parents or other important figures from our childhood. I, too, used to be into BDSM and doms. I mean... Rationally I didn't want it, but on an emotional level I craved the excitement. I was very well aware that it stemmed from my abusive childhood, but because I was brainwashed by the whole kink shaming concept, I didn't think of it as an issue. I thought it was possible to find someone … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/08/20 06:14 PM |
| 8 | Is it just me, or is most couples' advice from therapists/psychologists/counselors just goddamn AWFUL for women??IKR? I don't understand why there is such a pressure on "saving the marriage/relationship" as if leaving and starting over was an extreme. I mean, in the beginning it is harder than staying and hoping that he'd change, but long-term benefits are incomparable. Women should be empowered to prioritise their financial independence and leave relationships when their dignity and mental wellbeing is at stake, not guilted into applying all their emotional intelligence to tALkInG aboUT iT with some scrot… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/08/20 08:40 AM |
| 20 | Sometimes I feel like I don’t fit the standards we hold men to here.Words can't express how much I respect you after reading your story, you're some exceptionally strong queen | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/08/20 06:34 PM |
| 9 | Anxiety over reputation as pickmeishaEmpathy, compassion and a giving nature are STRENGTHS you are lucky to have. That being said, it's very draining to share those gifts with people who simply cannot receive and cherish them. There is nothing wrong with you and nothing to be ashamed about. The only thing you probably know you should work on is that you don't expect the same in return, which is bad not only for you, but also for the other person. Because no one is really happy in a relationship only giving or only receiving. If you… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/08/20 10:08 AM |
| 5 | When they lurk FDS and know all the talking points 😂Whenever a guy explicitly boasts about his emotional intelligence, a big red flag appears before my eyes LOL. First thing that comes to my mind is a manipulator under the pretence of a pseudo-spiritual enlightened narcissist who would use psychological vocabulary like "you are projecting" to gaslight women. A normal and sane person, for whom EQ and self-awareness are something as natural as having an arm or a kidney, wouldn't put these as highlights in their bio. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/08/20 08:48 AM |
| 44 | What made you realize you needed FDS?As a young girl I imagined the world of dating and relationships very much like FDS paints it. I imagined respectful boys who chase the girl they fell in love with, treat her with respect and tenderness, wait with sex until she's ready etc. So I believe we all have this innate intuition, but most of us repress it as we grow up, conditioned by the patriarchal society. When I entered the dating scene, I was shocked to find out that the bar was in hell. I waited patiently, believing in what I wante… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/07/20 02:13 PM |
| 3 | Run sister run!Ugh... I'm concerned about the direction in which the gaming industry is going. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/07/20 08:48 AM |
| 24 | What are some the embarassing things you’ve done as a pickmeisha that you promise you won’t ever do it again, now that FDS has taught you better?In dating: I made sure we took turns paying for dates to prove I'm not a gold digger. I had sex too early to prove I'm liberated and love sex, to make sure the guy didn't think I was cold or a prude. Drove a long way to a place convenient for him, a 5 minutes' walk from his house. Didn't argue with his sexist and patriarchal comments, because I wanted to be the "cool girl" and was afraid he wouldn't like me if I stated my views firmly. In relationships: Endured physical, sexual and emotional abu… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/07/20 03:25 PM |
| 139 | What's the most useful advice/tip/point in the book "Why Men Love Bitches" to you?"Anytime a woman competes with another woman she demeans herself". | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/07/20 11:13 AM |
| 3 | Movies and TV that aren't filled with Pickmes or Toxic Hollywood RomancesChicago! :D I know it's about criminals, but I love the metaphor of women leaving useless men behind and working hard to live their dream. It always puts me in a good mood. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/07/20 08:48 AM |
| 15 | Been there, done that. Never again.So, so true. And I'm ashamed to admit that even though my list had more cons than pros LOL, I stayed with my ex for a few more months. Girl, even if your list has only one con, but it's something essential and important to you, all his pros are not worth it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/07/20 08:41 AM |
| 5 | Gigi Engle and Suzannah Weiss wrote back to back articles in Men’s Health on how to choke us out. “Feminist” writers pandering and promoting sexualized violence to men has got to stop.“If a man applies pressure to a woman’s neck one time in an intimate relationship, she is 750% more likely to later be killed by him.” https://www.allianceforhope.com/stranglers-like-chris-watts-are-the-most-dangerous-men-in-america-but-we-miss-it-until-they-kill/ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/07/20 08:26 AM |
| 10 | Don't learn the hard way, ladies. 🤦🏻♀️Exactly. We need to remember that Asperger's or any other diagnosis doesn't make up for the person's entire personality. One can have Asperger's and besides certain difficulties in social settings be a great person, or be a not-so-great person who just happens to have some diagnosis on top of that. Although I believe a lot of Aspies tend to be very loyal and moral people. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/20 10:47 AM |
| 14 | Don't learn the hard way, ladies. 🤦🏻♀️The moment you find yourself taking an online quiz "Is my partner narcissistic/toxic?", he definitely is LOL. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/20 09:06 AM |
| 24 | Why I will only date men who go to therapyYes, BUT. We still need to be careful, even with people who are seemingly super self-aware and healed after therapy. Some conditions can't really be cured with therapy (e.g. narcissistic personality disorder) and there are also people who go to therapy for years to feel better about themselves, but nothing really changes (either the therapist is no good or the patient himself isn't honest and doesn't truly work on himself). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/07/20 08:27 AM |
| 22 | FDS is the antidote to kool aid of society!YES! And most women still look at me incredulously when I dare to say this. Even if they themselves are married to a manchild who can't do anything around the house or to a "repentant" cheater (just some real-life examples off the top of my head). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/07/20 10:03 AM |
| 22 | Re: men age like wine and are in their prime in their 40s. GOD HOW I WISH THAT WERE TRUEHVM go for women that can be their true partners, smart, self-aware and mature, which usually means being +- their age. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/07/20 08:38 AM |
| 18 | MY fiance “jokingly” said he wants to marry MY bestfriendDoes he often "retaliate" like that? You say something that hurts him (even without bad intentions) and then he intentionally says something to hurt you more? Because wanting to marry a woman's best friend is definitely more hurtful than some random man just being interested in you. If so, it looks like he has difficulties with healthy, honest communication and goes for manipulation instead. Also, he might have wanted you to have subconscious negative feelings towards your best friend. Maybe he'… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/07/20 08:16 AM |
| 2 | Is it realistic to think that if “level up” we are all gonna find that HV unicorn we are all dreaming about?For me, the whole point of leveling up and becoming a HVW is not dreaming anymore about finding anyone, because a HVW is too busy loving herself and living the life she loves. I reached the point when I simply don't care - if I find a perfect unicorn HVM, then fine, if not - see above. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/07/20 08:44 PM |
| 8 | How to let go of the yearning for marriage/ children?I have no idea what it's like to have healthy marriage and parenting modeled by parents, so I don't know if you'll find my advice applicable, but I used to have this yearning (at your age actually) and now I don't anymore, being blissfully happy and whole on my own. First off, I don't see why you should be already letting go of this idea. You are very young and still have at least 10-15 years to start a family and get pregnant. What you might want to let go of, though, is the yearning part, i.e.… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/07/20 08:26 AM |
| 4 | Is it a red flag if a man in his late twenties doesn’t speak to his mom ?It's impossible to tell without knowing the mother and the dynamics between her and her child. Sometimes it can even be a green flag, e.g. when the mother is abusive, manipulative etc. and the child breaks free from her, especially as a result of therapy. Conversely, troubled family relationships and NO therapy is a huge red flag for me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/07/20 09:44 AM |
| 2 | This subreddit has me so focused on myself that I don't even feel the need to put myself out there to dating, especially with OLD. Who knew female DATING strategy would help me focus on me.My thoughts exactly! I wanted to write a similar post, but you put it into words perfectly. Before I changed my mindset based on FDS, even though I really wanted to focus on myself after a breakup with my ex ex, I felt this crippling anxiety that the clock is ticking and I m u s t date to secure a mate ASAP. And I did... I entered into a relationship with another LVM who has just become an ex. But now I feel so blissfully complete and whole with myself! I yawn at a mere thought of dating. I'd ra… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/07/20 02:53 PM |
| 11 | You Do Not ExpireWut, 25 even? :O I mean, it's probably the age at which women start to look their best. In my country the perceived "expiration date" is more like 30-35, but honestly, I'm 31 and never felt more self-confident. An average woman at such a (still) young age is probably only undesirable to LVM, because she is too experienced and they can't easily manipulate her into some LV relationship. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/06/20 08:29 AM |
| 1 | How do y’all deal with the shame of having been a Pickmeisha?Up. This post resonates with me so much. As a person who was routinely victim-shamed as part of my raising, I find it very hard to forgive myself engaging with LVM and with toxic people in general. Like I can't fathom that it was not an indicator of my worth, but of my perceived SENSE of self-worth. Input from women who moved past that stage highly appreciated. :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/20 09:56 AM |
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