toebob Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
4	Are we as men working too hard to get women? It is hard for them to know you are interested in them if you never tell them. That’s where respect and consent come in. You have to let them know you’re interested while also making it safe for them to say no and have their “no” respected. When they can say no and you don’t get angry at them or call them names or end the friendship or any of the other petty things men do then they’ll know it’s safe to say “yes.” Maybe they change their mind later. Or maybe when you ask some other woman out who …	/r/seduction	15/06/22 08:47 PM
7	Are we as men working too hard to get women? It depends on what you mean by “successful.” OP was asking if we think men have to work too hard for women’s approval. I think the PUA route with the hard sell techniques is a lot of work and not genuine for me. Maybe I could get a lot of sex that way but I imagine it would be hard to find meaningful relationships when you start by misrepresenting yourself like a used car salesman. My personal definition of success includes authenticity and friendship and mutual respect. That just requires being…	/r/seduction	15/06/22 08:01 PM
73	Are we as men working too hard to get women? Men who reduce dating to a numbers game and who concentrate on PUA mechanics are exactly the men that women are trying to avoid. Women get approached, pursued, and harassed from early childhood. Having a man express interest in their looks or sexuality is common, boring, and often unwelcome. Men who pretend to want a friendship only for the purposes of eventually converting it to a sexual relationship are also common and unwelcome. For a lot of women it seems everywhere they look there is some m…	/r/seduction	15/06/22 03:39 PM
2	girl in an open relationship? The "not having sex" part is key. If you want a friend who likes to hang out and flirt and make out and you can avoid falling for her and wanting more then go ahead. If you only want to be involved if the possibility of sex is on the table then move on.	/r/seduction	11/05/22 02:55 PM
10	Does a girl expect you to become angry when she rejects you? Fuck no. Consent matters in all things. If the only reason they say “yes” is because they think they aren’t free to say “no” then that is NOT consent. Pushing people’s boundaries without consent is slimy, manipulative, asshole shit. Don’t be that kind of guy. They don’t deserve respect.	/r/seduction	23/04/22 03:04 PM
6	Does a girl expect you to become angry when she rejects you? Sadly, many men do get angry when rejected or they continue to push at boundaries after being told no. This happens so often that women are afraid to tell men “no” unless there is a good exit plan. It also explains why so many women ghost men. It can by physically and emotionally dangerous to reject a man. That said, you can also project confidence while respecting their “no.” By responding with something like “I’m a patient man. We’ll do that when you’re ready for it and not before,” projects s…	/r/seduction	23/04/22 02:47 PM
8	How do I become sexually attractive to women. I struggled for years with being called cute. I wanted to be Manly and Sexy and Powerful and I felt emasculated by “cute.” Now I am very comfortable with being called cute. Women like to be with cute guys and it is not an impediment to sex. To the contrary, it often means they feel safe being around you. That’s quite a compliment in a world filled with unsafe men. EDIT: A key piece of advice - if you can accept being cute and OWN it then that confidence you gain adds +10 to your sexy bonus.	/r/seduction	13/04/22 05:10 PM
5	How can I talk about my job in a more interesting way? “What do you do?” Don't assume this means "How do you make money?" What do you DO? "I work at a financial management company. It's great if you love spreadsheets but it can get routine. On evenings and weekends I really like to __________" So: What do you do? Do you listen to music? Watch movies? Hike? Bike? Build things? Have long meandering conversations with friends? What are your passions? Who are you? THAT is what someone is asking when they say "What do you do?"	/r/seduction	28/03/22 06:03 PM
2	She flaked a second time without any excuse or rescheduling should I ghost her? Ghosting and blocking is a jerk move. If you're not as interested as you were before, just don't put as much effort into it as you were. If it fizzles out, no big deal. If she decides sometime to take the initiative and set up plans then there might be something worth salvaging.	/r/seduction	25/03/22 03:56 PM
23	how NOT to friendzone? Embrace the friendzone. Make friends. Real friends, not "I'm only friendly with you because I want to fuck" friends. If you can be friends with women you'll be better at interacting with women, you'll be more confident, and you'll meet more women than you would if you had zero woman friends. In the case where you don't want to be friends unless a romantic relationship is possible, ask them out early. Be bold enough to let them know your intentions without faking a friendship first. Then you can …	/r/seduction	24/03/22 03:01 PM
1	Is it more difficult to have a gf when you're a short guy or it doens't matter ? I’m 5’4”. I can say what works for me. YMMV Don’t be too desperate. Women can smell desperation from a distance. If you look like you’re going to be clingy they won’t want to risk leading you on. Be willing and able to take “no” for an answer. Don’t be clingy, don’t be pushy, and don’t get upset or angry if she’s not interested. Women like being respected, who knew? “Just be yourself.” Yes, but be confident about being yourself. The confidence matters a LOT. If you like who you are then others a…	/r/seduction	14/03/22 09:26 PM
9	Is it more difficult to have a gf when you're a short guy or it doens't matter ? Cheating is breaking the rules of a relationship. It’s not cheating if everyone knows what’s going on and consents. My wife and I are still very good friends with my most recent girlfriend.	/r/seduction	14/03/22 09:12 PM
0	Is it more difficult to have a gf when you're a short guy or it doens't matter ? I'm polyamorous. I'm married to one partner and have additional partners from time to time. The pandemic has slowed down the dating scene for the last couple of years so I'm not dating as much as I was before.	/r/seduction	14/03/22 08:39 PM
6	Is it more difficult to have a gf when you're a short guy or it doens't matter ? Being self-conscious about being short makes dating harder. I spent a lot of time bothered by comments that I was "cute" or that I reminded women of their little brothers. As I aged I got no taller but I got more confident. I accepted that "cute" can be a compliment and whatever it is about me that made women think of me as a little brother now makes me seem safe and approachable.	/r/seduction	14/03/22 07:07 PM
1	My friends ruined the perfect opportunity to approach a hot girl at the club. This is the rarest of… denim. I wove it myself! I raised those… denim worms! They were like children to me!	/r/seduction	13/03/22 11:33 PM
9	My friends ruined the perfect opportunity to approach a hot girl at the club. That sounds to me like the perfect opportunity to ham it up for comedy to break the ice. “Why are you apologizing to her? It does nothing to help the situation! My pants are still wet and her drink is still spilled! Here, let me buy you a new drink. My name is dametime…”	/r/seduction	13/03/22 10:23 PM
7	There is no way out of the friendzone The responses in the linked post didn’t dislike the person for asking them out. They disliked them for cutting off contact after being turned down. That tells them that they were never really a friend and we’re just looking for an angle to get sex. My MO for most of my relationships - all of my best relationships, really - is to make friends first and then see if there is something more to pursue in addition to that. If there is a romantic connection, great! If there isn’t then we’re still frien…	/r/seduction	12/03/22 03:26 AM
36	[deleted by user] I’m saying that if a dominant person is interested in you then they are likely to pursue you. According to you, pursuing you disqualifies them. So you want someone who is interested in you and is bold enough to pursue you, but for some reason doesn’t pursue you. That seems like a tiny potential pool to me.	/r/seduction	04/10/21 06:56 PM
70	[deleted by user] So you don’t want anyone who is actively pursuing you because you want to do the pursuing. You also don’t want the men who would want to be pursued because they are all too submissive for you. So you want someone who is dominant but willing to be “hunted” by you. Who is interested in you but doesn’t want to pursue you. I don’t see how that works out at all.	/r/seduction	04/10/21 06:28 PM
2	Body count I’m not familiar with the culture in India regarding relationships. In the Midwest US where I’m from it is still common to push people to save sex for marriage and to have a monogamous marriage. So that’s what I did. I got married at 19 and stayed monogamous for over 20 years. At 40 we decided to branch out and explore non-monogamy and I realized this is how I am meant to live. Now I can freely love my friends and have relationships that take the form of whatever the two people in the relationsh…	/r/seduction	30/07/21 01:00 PM
1	Body count I’m in the US. Why?	/r/seduction	30/07/21 12:47 PM
3	Body count I had one until I was 40. I hit 10 at 45 and decided it was tacky to count after that. I am 47 now… probably at 13-15. For the record, I am polyamorous and typically only have sex with people I love or who are at least close friends. Hookups don’t really work for me much.	/r/seduction	30/07/21 12:04 PM
12	Does she spark something in you, or are you trying to force chemistry for your own validation? Your level of authentic attraction is also crucial for success YES This is why I have a problem with the "numbers game" philosophy. Finding someone is more than just a numbers game because not every woman is the same. If you are completely indiscriminate, hoping that you get 1 out of 20 or 5 out of 100 you're discounting whether those are women that you're even interested in. And people can tell. If you are desperate it shows on you and actually drives people away.	/r/seduction	23/07/21 01:38 PM
1	Don’t be ashamed for your own needs Not necessarily. It could be that she is feeling objectified and offended.	/r/seduction	21/07/21 02:52 PM
1	Don’t be ashamed for your own needs You might be surprised at how many men do NOT feel the same way. There's a lot of pressure on men to be expected to be want sex at any time. Women often get offended when their advances are rejected.	/r/seduction	21/07/21 02:51 PM
5	Don’t be ashamed for your own needs Not at all. In the premise above, it’s the woman who brought up sex, accusing me of wanting to have sex with her. I almost always reply honestly, both acknowledging that yes, that’s true, while also adding that I fully respect “no” for an answer. I get what you’re saying, though. Repeatedly bringing up the topic of sex with someone who isn’t interested can be taken as harassment.	/r/seduction	20/07/21 08:21 PM
11	Don’t be ashamed for your own needs It works for me. I’m pretty happy with my circumstances. I don’t typically cold approach anyone. I’m not the kind of person people are instantly attracted to. I make friends. I find my best relationships have formed from friendships of a year or more. I love my friends and I have a satisfying life.	/r/seduction	20/07/21 08:12 PM
69	Don’t be ashamed for your own needs When they say "you just want to have sex with me" I say "not JUST. Of COURSE I want to have sex with you, you're a beautiful woman. I also want to get to know you because you're an interesting person." I fully admit I'm a complete slut. I'd be down for sex with almost any of my women friends. I also care a lot about consent so I don't pressure anyone.	/r/seduction	20/07/21 07:30 PM
19	How to not be a nice guy online? I'd like to rephrase the "be yourself" advice because it is generally misunderstood. I think better advice would be to "be authentic" and "be audacious." Don't just be yourself, be BOLDLY yourself. Be so audacious that if someone doesn't like you, you don't care because you like yourself. Ironically, liking yourself enough to not be bothered if someone else doesn't like you actually makes other people like you more.	/r/seduction	13/07/21 07:36 PM
5	Go out and cold approach and don't worry about the girls saying not to. I'll give you credit for the advice from one point of view: Getting practice approaching someone and getting experience accepting a denial are both good things. On the other hand, you have a reputation to think about. Not only might you strike out with that one woman you approached at her job (one of the scenarios women ask not to be bothered with an approach) but you're witnessed by other people when you do that. And they talk to their friends. You can decrease your chances with lots of people …	/r/seduction	13/07/21 04:36 PM
1	What are the best opening lines to people I don't know? I just want to make a few friends or learn something Practice. Lots of practice. Pay attention to your surroundings. Are you at a bar with live music? Ask if they like the band or ask what they’re drinking or how they like getting out to socialize after being locked down for a year. Are you at a grocery store? Try not to bother them. They came here to shop, not socialize. Go out and do things. Bowl or bike or dance. Get a hobby and meet up with other people doing that hobby. Go to a Karaoke bar and talk to people about music. When you’re in a plac…	/r/seduction	06/07/21 06:53 PM
2	What are the best opening lines to people I don't know? I just want to make a few friends or learn something Yes, the book goes into much more detail. The statement seems self explanatory to me. Listen to people. Get to know them. Have a conversation about them and their likes. Ask them questions about things they find interesting. Seek first to understand them. Seeking first to be understood often looks like interrupting with “Actually, you’re wrong and here is some unsolicited information…” It comes across as boorish and insulting. At best it might come across as self-absorbed. People like talking ab…	/r/seduction	06/07/21 06:43 PM
2	What are the best opening lines to people I don't know? I just want to make a few friends or learn something By being an interesting nice guy. What do you do? What do you know? What are you interested in learning about? Shared interests are key to making connections with people. I personally got a lot of help from Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” I’m autistic and this book taught me a lot about how to interact with people. One of the principles, for example, is “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Listen to people. They like that.	/r/seduction	06/07/21 05:13 PM
3	What are the best opening lines to people I don't know? I just want to make a few friends or learn something Yeah, this is where the “Nice is not a personality” issue comes in. If all you are is nice, that’s boring. Many people like to talk about themselves, especially if someone is genuinely listening. If you listen to their responses you will have more information to use for more conversation. If they stick to short polite responses they’d rather be left alone.	/r/seduction	06/07/21 05:00 PM
1	What are the best opening lines to people I don't know? I just want to make a few friends or learn something A compliment for something they do is better than a compliment on their looks - something they can’t control. Their outfit, their shoes, a tattoo, or even their hair if it is styled in an unusual way or colored unusually. Anything they can take pride in is a better target for a compliment. Then ask a follow up question like where they got it or what it’s made of or something. Something to start a conversation that is actually interesting.	/r/seduction	06/07/21 04:54 PM
3	Most posts here are feel-good posts for people who already know what they're doing. NOBODY knows all the answers. It is not possible to walk you step by step through the process of getting someone to go out with you. I shared some of what I do to boost my confidence and move toward that positive feedback loop. That’s part of your answer right there. And even if you don’t get it there are others reading this post who might. I answer for their sake, too.	/r/seduction	04/07/21 10:35 PM
1	Most posts here are feel-good posts for people who already know what they're doing. I didn’t say I have all of the answers. Some of the things I like to do is to listen to music that pumps me up. Things that help with with the attitude of “I’m pretty awesome. If you don’t like me that’s OK. There are plenty that do.” It may seem corny but it works for me. I also try to genuinely be OK with receiving a No. I try to accept that going in and I believe it shows in my demeanor. A high pressure sale always drives people away in my experience. I go with something along the lines of “I…	/r/seduction	04/07/21 10:29 PM
4	Most posts here are feel-good posts for people who already know what they're doing. There certainly is a feedback loop between confidence and attraction. Both positive and negative. When you realize someone finds you attractive you get more confident. When you are confident, more people find you attractive. That must be part of the reason why they say people only want you when you’re already taken. When you have someone who gives you that positive feedback it makes you more confident, making you all the more attractive. Conversely, when you are lacking confidence, when you’ve h…	/r/seduction	04/07/21 10:18 PM
1	Being funny is not the most important aspect of attraction, she must feel safe and protected above all else Yeah, you’re wrong. There are plenty of attractive, feminine, polyamorous women. I agree that “Not all men” are dangerous. However “Yes, all women” have been assaulted at some point by a man. And I also agree that consent is a baseline, but it’s one that many men misunderstand or miss completely.	/r/seduction	01/07/21 07:47 PM
1	Being funny is not the most important aspect of attraction, she must feel safe and protected above all else It’s not a “Nice Guy” perspective, it’s a Consent perspective. I’m polyamorous and have been pretty successful finding good partners. And this is as a 5’4” older, overweight guy. They certainly don’t come running for my stunning good looks. I’ve seen the kind of crap my partners have to put up with from men. It sucks. Men who actually respect a woman and give her the freedom to walk away are so different from the majority that they get a lot of attention.	/r/seduction	01/07/21 07:21 PM
8	Being funny is not the most important aspect of attraction, she must feel safe and protected above all else Women don’t necessarily want to feel protected BY you, they want to know they are safe FROM you. Women need to know they can say “no” without being pressured or threatened. If she isn’t free to say “no” then her “yes” is worthless. So avoid cornering women when coming onto them. Don’t do it at work where they are paid to be nice to you and can’t escape. Don’t ask for their number. Give them yours instead. Don’t crowd their personal space. And, above all, be willing to be turned down without gett…	/r/seduction	01/07/21 06:53 PM