TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

turbor Archive

View 1 posts and 177 comments by turbor on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
0

Hey brother, maybe it’s not that deep. It is for you, I think I understand that, but what mother isn’t super proud of her baby boy? (And I’m sorry if that’s not you). But for most of us, it’s not that heavy. I’m happy my mom cut my hair, and honestly? My other shit. It’s cultural norms, weird as it is. And how weird of a thing to say, but I don’t think I’d change my dick, it’s just not that deep for me, and probably most of us that were circumcised. If I had the choice? Honestly I’d stay me. The…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates26/12/24 06:28 AM
0

Ahh, preach man. We gotta get out of this hurt. I struggle with my own shit but I felt this.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates25/12/24 07:12 AM
2

It is weird AF. That said. I like my dick. Always have. But have you ever seen frenulum porn? I want some of that action. No trauma here though. But it is weird. I would have liked my dick either way, I’m sure.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates25/12/24 07:09 AM
1

This is why, in my opinion. https://www.youtube.com/live/Pt9GH0jfxBs?si=srMYHguZosoaK_y7
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates09/11/24 08:39 PM
4

https://youtu.be/o5z8-9Op2nM?si=_q1mpi3h9dKu0tBB
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 02:56 AM
10

Not to burst your bubble, but that’s how they all are in the beginning. If you can keep a hard heart and push them away, I guess that’s the game, as they say. Tough to do though if you genuinely crave a companion. All I can say is to never judge a new love interest’s behavior on the dating phase. It’s not how marriage will be and definitely not how divorce will be. I don’t know if it’s a gender thing or not. We all went the extra mile for our girl during the dating phase too. Still, I’ve watched…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 01:35 AM
2

You’ll be a better dad at 50/50 and alone than you would be with her. It’s a trip, but I promise it’s true.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 03:34 PM
11

She’ll never be as pretty as she was either. Watch what happens as women go from age 35-45. It’s brutal.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 04:19 AM
14

Here’s a typical scenario that happens to a lot of men and is based on gender roles, social biases, and human nature. A couple falls in love and gets married. Maybe it’s a first marriage, maybe a second. If it’s a first, neither has assets anyway so a prenup is pointless. If it’s a second, the guy is probably so thrilled to finally be “over” his first ex that he’s over the moon to be moving on with his life. Whatever assets he has, are things he’s used as selling points in the dating phase. He’s…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 11:31 PM
12

What a dumb fucking comment.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 03:14 AM
11

Because modern society in both the US and Europe was built by men, who died doing it. Go shit in a dirt hole if you believe otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 02:34 AM
4

Holy shit, that’s funny as hell!
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/23 02:09 AM
5

It’s exponentially harder with kids. Especially young kids. We fight like hell to stay relevant in our kids lives, but nobody talks much about how the daily interaction with the ex keeps the wound open. And years later, after the dust and pain has subsided, and you’re at your kid’s soccer game with your ex, you see so much wasted money, time, and pain and think, “is this better? Is this her best life? Is it mine?” Can’t unring a bell though.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 02:44 AM
8

You’re on a divorce for men subreddit. What answers are you expecting here? We’ve all been burned to the point that we hate the system and see a failure in modern women. It sucks. That said, I’m 5 years out. Love being a dad. Closer to my son than I would have been otherwise. Still. I’m not happy. Not as happy as I was the years I was married. It’s frustrating. We all want our person. Our partner. The yin to the yang. Top comment is probably the most sound advice one could give.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/23 01:52 AM
2

Make shit up, rewrite your memories, become a victim, call the police, tell them you’re afraid, submit an affidavit about the time she ate edibles with her girlfriends, ask the judge for a hair test on her, petition for a protective order, circle the wagons, blame everything on her, suggest that bruises on your child are child abuse. Call CPS, get them out and investigating. All you need is a narrative, the facts are totally irrelevant. Shade her on social media because “CPS is investigating”. T…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/23 03:03 AM
3

She’s already gotten a taste for blood. But seriously, if a woman comes out $50k -$100k ahead, plus CS and alimony? What’s stopping them from doing it again? That, plus step kids.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/23 03:57 PM
4

I’m with you, brother. That’s fucking bullshit. I would immediately devalue her investment. Edit: or, better put, put your value out of her reach.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 02:52 AM
3

Abolished. Either you have children and she’s already getting an annuity that scales with your income, plus half the gain of the assets during the marriage. Or, You don’t have children and she gets half the gain of the assets of the marriage. At what point do you get a free ride for having a business relationship with someone, regardless of whether or not you leave or she leaves? Marriages end. It’s nothing but a business relationship. She gets her severance through the business assets when the …
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 10:43 PM
0

Here’s the thing, under the right circumstances, marriage does help leverage you into a better life. 2 incomes are pretty much required to be a homeowner in most places, 2 parents are better at raising healthy kids, having someone to depend on is great. It’s all good, until it’s not. And it’s nearly always not, for her sooner than for us. The exit cost is high. As men, we have an evolutionary instinct to provide. It’s what we do. Yet the state has forced us to continue providing, even after the …
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/23 04:15 PM
3

*inheritance
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 11:15 PM
2

I would just say, be cognizant that you don’t push so hard that she does.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 06:43 PM
3

Mine started out as holy shit acrimonious. PO, affair, brutal anger, custody fight, all that shit. It was hell. We had a 2 and 6 year old. It’s been about 5 years. The first 3 were still in battle hatred mode. Honestly, it sucks. It’s hell on you, and hell on your children. And it can go on and on forever. You might consider something like this: If you have primary, custodial parent custody, you’ll be able to file your taxes as head of household. IRS only allows the custodial parent to claim it.…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 02:13 AM
10

This doesn’t help either. I spent my final year of my short, 4 year marriage building a badass home for us. Plus my career, worked out steadily, made good money, took us on vacations, traveled independently for work, had tons of friends and independent interests. threw her a big ass birthday party the week we moved in. I was at the top of my game, all around. They just get resentful of you. Resentful of your success. Start talking to Sancho behind your back. You literally can’t fucking win.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 07:36 PM
2

All that Protective Order bullshit is just gonna make things worse for you, especially because you know it’s more about you and your heart at this point than worry over your kids. It really sucks and is hard to go through, I know. I still feel it 4 years later. Here are the two tricks I know of to alleviate the anger. Sleep on it. It almost always passes for me by the next morning. Can’t say why but sometimes I get triggered by an event, comment, or thought and it dogs me all day. But by the nex…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 03:40 PM
1

You’re missing some data. Can’t say what, but perhaps it’s the district court that issues judgements in CS cases where paternity or custody isn’t disputed.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 11:31 PM
2

Yes I’ve heard of that too. Although I was paying my current ex through Venmo before she submitted to ORS. I submitted the Venmo transaction history, which was clearly labeled “September Child Support, October child support” etc, and they credited that to me. But they also went for it in the first place, so always, always, always do a digital transaction that is labeled as CS. Never do cash.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 10:43 PM
1

You statement suggests that we can avoid CS if we don’t marry. That’s horrible advice. You’re gonna pay for your kids in America. There are multiple entities who will go after you. States, collection agencies, any cost that your child incurs, that mom can’t pay, will trigger a short investigative check into why the father isn’t contributing. “Well we had an agreement!” Nope. Say hello garnishment. I’m on my 22nd year of CS. 12 more to go.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/23 08:20 PM
3

This isn’t true at all. The state is absolutely the biggest filer for child support. Doesn’t even have to be welfare. Medicaid will do the trick. States get reimbursed by the feds up to 66% of every dollar they collect through Title IV D legislation, aka social security act. They are financially incentivized to collect. In fact, they’ve been taking children for decades and awarding custody to the low earner so that the father is reduced to a 4 night per month visitor and pays max support. It’s b…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/23 10:33 PM
58

She’s ahead of you by giving zero fucks about taking all from you. Men call 50/50 a win. Women call it a loss.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 03:27 PM
1

OP, this is a very real threat, happened to me. 2 boys, one bio, one step. I’d raised stepson from age one, divorced when he was 6 and bio was 2. I got joint custody of bio, but it was 3 goddamn years until she chilled out enough to let stepson come and stay some weekends with his dad and brother. Fucking tore me up! Him too. I’ve decided that it’s just better to be a safe place for both of them to come and unwind, rather than have another woman and her kids in my house, trying to change shit. T…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/23 11:40 AM
2

This is sound advice, OP. You’re falling victim to the vulnerability that exists for the one who was cheated on, the one who was crushed. There’s an old adage that goes something like”whoever cares the least in a relationship is the one with the power.” And that’s because they’re not vulnerable to the crushing pain of infidelity. They’re the ones dishing it out. They’ve been living a lie so long they’re probably relieved that the secret is out. Meanwhile, you’re blindsided , devastated, disguste…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 05:08 AM
1

It’s really all you can do. I think back to my last marriage and how I could have protected myself financially. Truth is, it ain’t love if you’re not going all in. I wouldn’t change that about the experience. The greater lesson to internalize is that all relationships end. Or change, if that term is easier to swallow. I still have a relationship with her because we have a child together. It’s been several years, which has dulled the hurt and anger. I still feel it, but it serves no purpose anymo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/23 04:36 AM
1

I wasn’t saying it was true in every case, lol. Demographically speaking, women marry up and men marry across or down the financial spectrum. Of course CS will end when he turns 18 and I’ve paid out around $200k for her to have him one more overnight per week than me. Of course I’m bitter. This was my second marriage after divorcing another cheater. Congrats on your new wife. The statistics say there is a 70% chance you’ll be here again too. Hope you beat the odds.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 01:48 PM
4

Sounds like you’re bothered that she’s with another guy and looking around for things you can point to to show your sacrifice. Here’s solid advice: stop using “toddlers are hard.” It’s the most golden time in a child’s life. I purposely haven’t even tried to date anyone from age 2-6 because the bond is so special. This age is the shit! Try teens for hard. Honestly, just call it what it is because it does suck to see the ex move on so fast. We all get it. But do you know what sucks worse? To have…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 07:28 AM
2

Why would I do that? Because it’s the law. There’s not an attorney in the entire USA that can get a man out of that if she’s not willing to negotiate. Half the debt, half the gain. The issue with most pensions is that the annuity increases in value the longer you work and the higher your salary is. The typical formula is Xpercent X number of years worked X average high 3 year salary. So, assuming you’re going to make a career out of where you’re at, you can expect your salary to increase and the…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 01:40 AM
2

No dude, just the prorated portion, which a monthly annuity of a few hundred bucks, from the time I retire until I die. Clear?
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 12:56 AM
13

This is because across the broad spectrum, women marry up, and men marry down, financially speaking. We go after the hot chicks, who tend to be a few years younger and while they might have a decent job, it’s rarer for them to have a 401k or pension or savings. I’m also a fed on the GS payscale and I happily kept contributing to my TSP after I got married, while she worked PRN jobs in the medical field. Salary was comparable, but they offered nothing by way of 401k or pension. I also sold a home…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/23 06:55 PM
2

Yeah, I hear you. Just that for most women, the price for that is marriage. Best.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 03:58 PM
3

Yeah, I mean the idea that there are women out there who are willing to commit long term without marriage is false, in my opinion. Women want protection for themselves financially. It’s the entire premise of the marriage relationship. In my opinion, the best protection you can give yourself is to recognize marriage as a business partnership, and find someone who makes as much or more than you do, and both go into it with open eyes. If you contribute to a 401k, ensure that she makes an equitable …
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 06:13 PM
6

I think most guys who have remarried have long since let go of this sub. Marriage requires faith and hope, something that doesn’t exist for most of us around here.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 04:16 PM
4

Be careful you’re not experiencing the light switch effect. It’s a phenomenon that happens where how you feel about a person now retroactively changes all of your memories and feelings about the things you experienced with that person. Women are especially prone to this, as many of us have experienced. In some cases it’s warranted, like a long term affair where everything was a lie, but if you had happy years together and grew apart and eventually divorced, chances are those memories will still …
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 07:37 PM
-1

this guy is already in love again.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/23 01:19 AM
9

*hateful
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 12:19 AM
2

Fuck em, let her rip. The ones who are friends worth having will let you vent. Just be aware and don’t cycle too deep with it. Sometimes if you feel validated, even on one thing, you can temporarily move past it. Do that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/23 05:25 AM
5

Got news for you, brother. You’re not 110% straight. Testosterone doesn’t change the gender you’re attracted to. You do you and have fun, but that’s misinformation to suggest that it’s the test.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 03:13 AM
3

Live comfortably on 1/3 of what you make? What a dumbass fucking comment.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 06:08 AM
7

No, no, no. It’s not the collection fee, it’s the federal match through Title IV funding! It’s up to 66% of every fucking dollar they collect in CS. States get a percentage match through federal funding to support the state bureaucracy. It’s billions, every year, nationwide. The system is completely incentivized to take your children and make you pay.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 07:29 PM
14

God I’ve wanted to say, so many times, “How will you react when our son’s wife does this to him? Takes your grandchild?” (We have 2, under 10) This is the legal system today. Family Law is a corrosive and corrupt industry, incentivizing divorce, custody disputes, and majority custody to the low earner so the state can also collect through federal reimbursements. Cash and prizes for divorce. Step right up and say I do. Keep fighting, grandparent
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 07:45 AM
1

*plug in your numbers and hers”, PLUS the overnight custody. That’s the negotiation. Fight for your time with your children, brother. Or another dude will have it and you’ll be paying them.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 03:32 AM
7

Man this is good stuff. All of it is spot on. I think that even after applying this though, we still ask the “what if’s”, but mostly from the perspective of how to avoid the experience again. I think we’re probably the first generation where the divorce experience will happen to the majority of us at some point in our lives. It’s happened to me more than once. However with my recent ex, I tried really hard to be choosy, aware of red flags, and to apply the lessons I’d learned about myself and re…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/22 04:50 PM
2

Alabama, and I believe West Virginia. Actually, here’s a very comprehensive table. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_shared_parenting_legislation Presumptive 50/50 is what has the teeth.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 06:59 PM
7

Kentucky is one of 3 states to have passed a rebuttable presumptive 50/50 shared parenting law. This means that by law in any custody case, the default is 50/50. If a judge deviates from that, there must be evidence presented and a finding entered as to why. Baseless claims of abuse, alcoholism, etc mean nothing without convictions. This takes away the judges discretion, or the GAL, or the custody evaluator, and levels the playing field for men, who typically have to fight to prove we are fit pa…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 05:46 PM
3

I’d say evaluate the role you have with your step kids. Do you have the dad bond? Is there genuine love there? That’s what will present the most vulnerability moving forward in divorce or not. If you don’t love those kids as your own (which does happen if you get them young, like, < 2 years old), you definitely should fly. Step children and all the competing emotional undercurrents are extremely difficult to manage and it mostly never goes well. Gets much worse as teens. The exception is if you …
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 01:04 PM
3

I’ve literally never experienced the judgement that everyone says they get as a single dad. Maybe I’m oblivious. Maybe I’m not sensitive enough to it. Maybe others are too sensitive and carry a comment to that conclusion in their own minds. I’ve had my son since he was 2. He’s 6 now. Agree with dropping the resentment. You have to get along with their mother. Have boundaries, vent it off to a trusted source when you need to, but approach your ex with kindness, even if it’s not returned. 100% agr…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/22 02:07 PM
1

It has to be part of the terms of your original loan. It’s a loan assumption with no penalty and it must be in the original terms of the mortgage for this to work for you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/22 09:42 AM
1

Lol I’m talking about her attorney. He can can check that box all day long but he better expect to get slapped in the face with a petition from her attorney that says otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 06:31 PM
2

He has an attorney. She will respond in kind. The number of times a divorce attorney has checked that box and filed with the court is NONE.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 08:03 AM
2

Is it though? You said you were the provider. That you are angry about the lack of gratitude. Just curious if you’ve done the math? If you were the provider, you’ll unfortunately still be the provider. Alimony varies by state but is generally half the duration of the marriage and based on the the income disparity between parties. For instance if you make $40k more than her, plan on giving her$20k for X years. That’s separate from child support. I was surprised to hear you imply you’ve accepted 2…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 07:11 AM
3

I’ll add my two cents here. I’ve been married and divorced 3 times. First time, I was young, 20, but we had a baby girl. I was into some rough shit and ended up in the joint for a few years on drug charges. Didn’t divorce until I was out, because why? You’re powerless in that situation and of course she’s gonna hook up. 7 years is a long time in your 20’s. Never felt like she didn’t love me, but it crushed me nonetheless. Divorced after I got home. Amicable, compassionate. No assets. She lived a…
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 01:52 AM
3

Take your power back. So many of us have been through this. She’s threatening to move away and be “gone forever” and your response is that you don’t want that for the kids? If she can move away and be “gone forever” from her children, then you do want that for your kids. What a shitbag. And I see you reacting in fear of a broken heart by searching for ways to accept her betrayal because of your empathy for the kids. You’re trying to give her a path back after she sold you out and stole what you …
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/22 06:48 AM
27

Look dude, the judge doesn’t give a shit, the state doesn’t give a shit, and HR won’t give a shit. You can have all the indignity and moral high ground in the world and it won’t mean anything. She could be the whore of Babylon and in the end, she’ll get half your shit, plus monthly payments. Don’t go down this road, as a legal strategy. As a coping strategy? For sure, let your people know. No need to be the scum bag in a divorce if she’s the actual scum bag. But that’s just court of public opini…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 04:57 AM
25

Most of us experienced some version of your story. Those that stuck it out generally prolonged the inevitable and the same thing happened again a year or two later. It’s a tough thing to face, but sometimes the best thing to do if you know the ship is going down, is to bail. Prolonging it can build more resentment. Admittedly, that’s what you may ultimately need to pull the trigger and know it’s the right decision. Here’s my best advice, either way: Don’t fall on your sword financially. Don’t yo…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 05:40 PM
8

I’ll share truth. Divorce without kids, vs Divorce with kids? The latter is exponentially worse. Like, not twice as bad, it’s 50 times worse, with a multiplier that scales even more badly the younger the kids are. I’ve been through both. A breakup will get better in a year. Even if you’re fighting over pets and money and it takes a judge to sort it out. It’s just not that traumatic. Feels like it at the time, but usually it will pass and you’ll be ready for a rebound within about a year. Now a d…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/22 06:26 AM
5

This is the truest advice. Fight for 50/50 custody above all else. Your kids need you. Your role as a father will likely evolve into something better than it’s been. Kids have a way of being your rock to hold onto. Disneyland dad? Fuckin right, bitch. They know who’s genuine and true, and they’ll eventually know why their parents divorced. She has to deal with those demons. Do not let your kids be forced into a new “family” with mom and affair partner without that 50/50 outlet to dads house, whe…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 05:16 AM
3

You’re in lala land, dude. There’s no contracts she’s gonna sign without a lawyer during a separation, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 05:06 AM
0

Sounds scary. I’m sure a piece of paper will keep you safe.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 03:59 AM
1

Tell me, what are you trying to get with a PO? Do you think that it protects you? Think it comes with a security guard? Think you get put on a special list for the police to do drive by checks? Do you think it makes you safer in any way? And if so, how? It’s a shitty tool that women use to get a leg up in a divorce, kick the man out of the house, and secure custody of the kids. It’s a quagmire if bullshit to work out of, costing the guy thousands of dollars in attorney fees, months lost with the…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 12:43 AM
0

Did you not mean that your PO got dismissed because you had no evidence? Because I 100% support that and any dude who argues otherwise is a dumbfuck. Sorry about your divorce, all the same.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 12:24 AM
1

And you don’t logically think that was the right move? You know how many dudes get fucked the exact same way? With no evidence? C’mon man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 12:21 AM
1

Question: Does she also have a life insurance policy on her with you as the beneficiary? Because I had the same demand from my ex’s attorney in mediation. I already had the policy, so I agreed to keep it, but when I thought about it afterwards it really pissed me off. If she dies, primary custody goes to me, but I guess I’m just assed out on child support or any insurance benefit? How does that work? It’s not fair and it’s an antiquated thing that divorce attorneys try to include under the outda…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/22 02:04 AM
3

I’ll say this in jest, as someone in my late 40’s. “Ok boomer.” You are 100% wrong on this.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 12:21 AM
5

A smart phone is 100% absolutely essential today. It’s how people access bank accounts, email attorneys, communicate with children and family, and a million other essential tasks. Any judge would smack that down quicker than you can say “essential.” In fact, it’s a template page on the standard application for protective orders in my state. Yep, the judge will rule, ex parte, as part of a Protective Order, that you absolutely will continue to provide the phone service, and release administrative…
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 11:10 PM
7

I disagree. Sounds good from an esoteric, healthy mental space, but spend some time around this sub and you’ll see absolute horror stories of women who cheat, and then file false protective orders and make unfounded abuse allegations against their ex. Why? It’s the affair. Women very much still slut shame each other and gossip behind each other’s backs when someone goes through a divorce. Guess what is a quick and dirt way to get support, get the kids, get the house? Start blowing that abuse/dv/…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 10:07 PM
6

Oh fuck, you cheated too, didn’t you? 16 and 18 are not traumatized by this shit. They want answers and somewhere to park their anger and their parents divorce. That should fall squarely on the cheater. Because I guarantee she’s telling her friends that he was “abusive” it’s the standard playbook. “I didn’t cheat, I escaped an abusive marriage”. Grow some nuts, dude. Sometimes taking the high road needs truth to be established. She would have Never admitted to the affair. Not to him or the kids.…
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 06:08 PM
3

I hear ya. It’s entrenched into US divorce now. CS is a juggernaut. Huge industry that the state profits from. States get reimbursed up to 66% of every dollar they collect. This is what funds their bureaucracy for collections and enforcement, and other things. Bureaucracy will always expand and need more resources. Women are fully engulfed in the entitlement. That’s why 50/50 default legislation is so important. Use 50/50 rebuttable presumption as a starting point in all custody cases. 3 states …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 10:03 PM
2

Well, I guess it depends on how it’s paid. With my daughters mom, I just transferred money every month so I had some flexibility for paying early and such. If it’s garnished, about all you can do is tell them that you pay their mom CS in whatever amount and they should ask her for an allowance out if that, because it straps you to pay that, plus pay allowance on top of that every month. Doesn’t mean you can’t still give them an allowance, but it’s about forcing mom to explain to the kids that ch…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 09:50 PM
12

And as your kids get older, make sure they know what you’re paying. They’ll hit her up for money as teens and make sure the narrative is that child support is for them, not her, regardless of what the law or your decree says. By the time my daughter was in her late teens, she would regularly hit me up for an early child support payment so she could pay for one thing or another. She’d somehow established with her mom that child support was for her, not her mom, by the time she was a strong headed…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 04:53 PM
2

This shit pisses me off. Spend some time around this sub and other online father’s rights pages and you’ll see how fucking hard dads fight just to get 50/50. Against this VERY SAME SHIT! You think because your kids tell you that they like being with you more, that you can deprive them of time with their mother? Legally take full custody? And that it’s in their best interest? GTFO with that bullshit. You’re what so many of us are fighting against. Flip the script if you still don’t get it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/22 04:54 AM
3

Are you career permanent? You should look at changing agencies. Feds are the biggest employer in the world. -one fed to another.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/22 12:15 AM
1

Well said, friend. I think we’re describing the same feelings in a different way. I’ve heard that about SEA. I have one friend who married someone from that region that he met in Iraq during the war. He just divorced her this last year because she drove him fucking crazy with a weird brand of Christianity and ignorance. It wasn’t that she was Christian, just that she was basically the type who bought into the snake bite healers and other hokey shit to the point that he got nagged to death about …
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 09:56 AM
5

Dude, this isn’t helpful at all. You just described 50 first dates. 😂 Who the fuck wants 50 first dates? All the fake nonsense of dating, tuck and run at the first sign of real connection/vulnerability? One night stand sex sucks balls compared to sex with someone you trust and have feelings for. I think the point he’s trying to make is the same that many of us feel. Not only did the divorce take the wife and family, it took the idea, the HOPE of a wife and family away. That’s the depression. I a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 06:15 AM
1

Wow, that sounds awful. Hope you’re able to resolve it soon.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 01:13 AM
1

Why didn’t all that get resolved in your divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 12:51 AM
2

Ahh, so there are much deeper issues. Yeah if she’s still got financial strings to you, then you must get them resolved. Here’s 2 potential solutions: Utilize a focus setting on your phone. Apple just introduced them in one of the latest iOS updates. You can set boundaries for different zones, such as Sleep, Work, Gym, “My girlfriend is here and I don’t want my ex to blow up my phone” zones. You can choose which apps are allowed to notify you when you have that particular focus on. Same with tex…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 12:43 AM
1

Dude, those texts were nothing. They’re literally about your kids, with a smidgen of small talk about her foot, her dad fixing shit, whatever. This is ultimately how you want things to look with your co-parent. It usually takes years to get to where it’s just chill. So many people continue the divorce drama into co parenting. Everyone’s advice is so litigious and divisive. To me it sounds like you’re over the divorce and already in a near long term relationship. I think your new gf is insecure. …
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/22 12:26 AM
20

Oh fuck that’s rough. The absolute worst thing a father can experience. I’ve dealt with that demon for a good spell. It’s hell. Here’s the answer: No, there’s nothing you can do. No action you could possibly take that would empower you and put him on check. It feels like there is, maybe a chin check, maybe an emotional rant, maybe a legal motion? Think of all the potential paths you could go down. None of it plays out the way you want. Because what is the end game? She’s obviously trying to hurt…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/22 09:36 AM
5

Yeah texting sucks ass. It’s so immediate that you’re chomping the bit to retort before you even finish reading the text (if you’re fighting). Then you’re pounding out your thoughts with your thumb? Can’t even type a zinger of a retort without having to correct words because you fat thumbed it? How stupid! Why are we still texting in 2022? I guess we have keyboards though so… And the talk to text apps just suck. All of them. Email though, not sure about that either. Different level of etiquette …
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/22 06:18 AM
1

Yeah man, keep it simple. Let them know it’s ok for them to love their mom when they’re around you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 03:00 PM
2

I take the boys to Home Depot and let them choose an outdoor flower basket for their mom. I didn’t during the divorce or first year out. Did last year and will again this year.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 02:54 PM
2

Whatever the schedule is that you figure out, make sure that you are able to claim head of household status with the IRS. That requires one more overnight than 50/50. It’s huge at tax time. Even if you have to specify that she gets 183 on odd years and 182 on even years, and you get to claim on odd years. Or, with 2 kids, maybe it’s a draw. What I can tell you is that for filing status, it’s who the child lives the most overnights during the year. Without that, you’ll only get to claim the exemp…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 10:07 PM
3

Dude, everything that you concede to her, in an attempt to keep the peace, is something that you’re conceding to your replacement. Think you’re cool with 40% custody? Well, Sancho just got 60% by default. Think you’re cool with him living in your house because you wanted to keep the peace? You have to protect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 03:27 PM
7

Brother. You turn that fucking nose into the wind and trudge on. Love your sons. Lawyer up, do not settle for anything less than 50/50. You need need 50.01% of one kid to claim head of household. Don’t fall on your sword. Tell your attorney to protect your financial and custodial interests on the basis of the law, gender neutral. Let her pay the fucking price for being the “breadwinner”, as so many of us have: Happiness isn’t off the table. You’re just clearing the table. Courage now, friend.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/22 05:33 AM
3

Almost all of us have experienced the role reversal of this, and we all paid. Your attorney shouldn’t let you do anything less. Hers wouldn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 10:12 PM
4

It’s not shameful at all. Own your lumps, man. I respect you for it. This sub is more about exposing the biased family court system and helping guys to prepare for what’s coming regarding divorce, child support, alimony, custody, etc. With a secondary discussion on the psychology of relationships, marriage, and how common most of our stories are. It’s good that you own your mistakes. A lot of the guys here got cheated on, were the sole provider, lost their home, were falsely accused of abuse, lo…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/22 03:15 AM
2

I get where you’re coming from, but in my state (UT) daycare is split between the parents. Above and beyond child support
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 09:59 PM
2

You’d still be liable for half of her tax debt. Maybe not to the IRS, but to the divorce court. Half of assets, half of liabilities (that were incurred during the marriage).
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 09:26 PM
12

No, you’ll be entitled to half her pension, or at least proportional to the length of the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 02:32 PM
1

Yeah I think you just need to weigh the entire situation. If you’re dealing with narcissism and the smear campaign of her discard, then I absolutely would document it. Narratives have a staying power, especially if documented through proper channels. Sounds like you’re already fighting against that from attacks she made. I can tell you that she’ll get the better end of the divorce deal. Just look around this place. You’ll pay, and pay. Any leverage you might gain from this would probably only be…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 04:45 PM
2

Been there, man. Details differ a bit but same bullshit. The deal I cut was: I’d continue to pay the mortgage, thereby protecting her credit and equity, and in lieu of that, I wouldn’t owe child support until the divorce finalized. Sell the house at that time. With that, I went from supervised visits with my son to EOW. Then Mediation, about 6 months later, got it up to almost 50/50. She still cleaned my clock. It’s always about the money. It was hell. Hang in there, man. This initial trauma doe…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 07:18 AM
3

It’s because you know that the 14 year old is capable of acting like a complete psycho, awash with teenage emotions, upset over the divorce, and lashing out in the most painful and threatening ways. You probably know in your gut it’s not child abuse, it was high emotional teenage drama, compounded by the divorce of her parents. A scuffle over a laptop, my house, my rules, something, something… And yet you’re gonna call the police and CPS? That will unleash the kraken and separate victim from abu…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 06:49 AM
2

Go try again. Odds are now 70% against you. Throw some step kids in the mix. We’ll wait.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 06:02 AM
9

Just don’t get drunk and send it anyway. 🤣Nothing good down that path.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/22 03:54 PM
2

Hate her or hate yourself. Pick your poison, neither is fun.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 07:53 AM
1

In my opinion, regardless of what the evidentiary laws are in your state, it’s better to have it than not. It can always save your ass from getting arrested. Being able to show the police video evidence of her being abusive can stop you from getting arrested in the first place. Preventing arrest and getting acquitted in court are vastly different things with different evidentiary rules. Also, family courts allow all kinds of bullshit. Whether it sticks or not would be something for your attorney…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 02:51 PM
2

The only reason to wait would be to gather evidence. If you haven’t already, why? You will absolutely need a lawyer before this is over, and hopefully not a criminal lawyer as well. She’s freaking crazy and will absolutely hit you with bullshit criminal charges to keep you away from your daughter. You need counter evidence. Or, be prepared to fight bullshit DV charges, protective orders, and supervised visits. It’s hell. Be very careful from here on out. Invest in a recorder. I’d lawyer up now.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/22 01:53 PM
2

That may be true, but he’s wanting to leave it out of his divorce altogether.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 03:38 AM
4

I would include it. Without a court order, nothing is stopping her from keeping the kids during your time. Might be fine now, but wait until a new woman comes along in your life and she wants to flex. Also, it literally does not matter what you agree to on child support. She can, at any time, turn you over to child support services. They will then go by a formula that you have zero influence over. And also probably hit you for back support from your separation date. If the difference between wha…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 11:42 PM
2

Been through it myself. The thing is, there are roles in marriage. Provider and caregiver. You get blindsided by a divorce petition and your first reaction is to fall on your sword, make her happy. After all, she’s been the primary caregiver to your young child, and what do we do? We provide. So you assume those roles continue (and much of family court law has agreed for several decades, but not so much anymore). Guess what? You can raise a child as well as she can. It’s the most rewarding exper…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/22 02:28 AM
2

Dude’s ready to kill himself. I’d go to court and die on that hill before I died of suicidal depression.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 09:17 PM
3

Go back to court. I can’t really get worse. You have the statutory minimum. For the material change in circumstances, use the fact that he’s now 5 and entering the school system and would benefit by having more time with his father. Figure out how to file it yourself. Ask for a step up plan, if necessary. Cite the many studies that show equal shared parenting is best for children. For support resources, check out the Fathers Rights group on Facebook. Nearly a million member group with tons of go…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 03:00 PM
2

I would think if the case has already been filed in your state, you’re good. Make sure you document her refusal and excuses to bring your child home. That will refute any status quo argument. Short term sucks because you don’t have your kid. Sorry man, hang tough. Edit: sorry I thought she took your daughter with her. Well, at least you got that going, which is more than many guys start from.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/22 05:02 PM
8

I hear ya man. I was $20k on attorney fees to get to what we could have agreed on anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 05:59 PM
3

Getting a court ordered custody agreement isn’t money wasted. I know it feels that way because things were working fine, but she could have just as easily kept them and held onto them until you were forced to hire an attorney to hammer out the order. Then you’re fighting status quo, with the kids residing with her and all that bs.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/22 04:40 PM
5

You can 100% do it. We as guys played a different role in marriage (typically) and maybe don’t have the initial confidence to take on the primary caregiver responsibility (another reason guys fall in their sword regarding custody). But you got this, man! Go have fun. Also, do they an aunt or uncle or grandparent (your family) that might want to go?
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/22 07:35 PM
2

Dude, I fly all the time. At least 2 work trips/month, all the way through the pandemic. Covid travel is great, extra spacing, less crowded. Who knows with omnicron, but l say live your life.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 08:53 PM
6

I went through the same transition when my daughter was a teen. She did cheer, and lived a couple hours away, so every other weekend went out the door. Can’t say I was able to do anything other than endure it, but one thing I did do was take her on a vacation once a year. We went to the Caribbean, Hawaii, Mexico, etc. She really loved that and some of the excursions we did were fun for us in the way it was when she was a little girl. I allowed her to bring a friend one year (her parents paid air…
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 07:07 PM
4

What kind of a fucktard thinks his kids are replaceable? Fuck you, ya lame ass bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 08:02 AM
3

You will only get the tender years once. It is the crème del a creme of life, IMO. So much fun! My little guy has a Superman costume on and a Mohawk bicycle helmet, right now. He’s running back and forth across the house, pretending he’s Sonic the hedgehog. He’s counting presents under the tree, and my life is full. Im also an engineer. Don’t punish yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 04:54 AM
3

They’re usually fine together if you get the dog as a puppy. It’s a commitment though, no doubt. Buts that’s kinda the point. Just an idea. Also, staying in bed because you’re depressed will 100% make it worse. I had to learn that lesson in prison, many years ago. You can’t sleep your time away. You have to get up, have your coffee, brush your teeth, shave, get dressed. Even if you sit right back down on the couch, it’s better than laying in bed, stressing about things you can’t change. Changing…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/21 06:22 PM
3

You need to get a dog, if you are able to with your living situation. It would help your situation immensely. It’s about finding new energy. Ive been right there with you for the better part of 3 years. Everything has been gray. I’m very fortunate to have a young child. The world is ok with me when he’s around, because I feel that coming to daddy’s is the thing that makes him happiest. So we tear it up, and it’s all right now and in the moment. Really good memories. But then hed leave and I’d sl…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/21 07:13 AM
5

That’s how it starts, man! It’s the siren song of the honeymoon period. It’ll change when you marry. It’s a trip. That said, we’re a bunch of cynical fucks around here. Best wishes for you and her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/21 10:58 PM
4

You agreed on 50/50. Every woman in the world would go after you if your situation improved. It’s complete bullshit. So why do you want to do the same? Is it because you can’t provide for your children when they’re with you, or do you just want more because you feel like you have less? If you can cover their needs when they’re with you, then just love your children and let her go.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/21 05:01 AM
2

Call her up to gossip about the latest girl you’re fucking. Ask her opinion, as a friend, about weather or not you should get serious with your new girl. Tell her about how good she is with the kids, how much they seem to love her, maybe talk about her tits or tight ass, and how wound up she makes you. Then say something like, “Gosh I suppose you know me better than anyone, so do you think I’m in love with her? Or am I just in love with the sex?” You get what I mean. Boundaries start establishin…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/21 12:41 PM
1

No, I’m suggesting we push for a legislative change to make 50/50 shared parenting the presumptive starting point in all custody cases. To deviate from that would require the judge to enter a dissenting opinion on why he/she is deviating from the presumptive standard. This would require accompanying evidence of abuse, drug addiction, alcoholism, whatever. As in convictions. Not just accusations by a vindictive stbx. When it becomes clear that filing for divorce would mean a 50% reduction in seei…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 07:08 PM
1

Sadly, I agree. That’s why we need to support 50/50 shared parenting legislation. It needs to be law. If the judge deviates from it, he needs to enter into the record the reason why, with supporting evidence. Kentucky actually has the most progressive law in that regard, enacted in 2017, I think. Amazingly (/s) divorce filings and domestic violence claims have all been reduced by a measurable percentage. Many states have enacted similar legislation, but none have the presumptive teeth that Kentu…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 03:20 PM
3

And to add to that, maybe discuss 50/50 parenting with a potential partner. 50/50 should be the default starting position in all child custody cases. While it might not be what you envisioned when starting a family, it’s fair, keeps child support reasonable or does away with it entirely, and allows you to have meaningful time with your children. I truly believe it is the healthiest option for women, post divorce also. It allows them to pursue a career, and still have meaningful time as a mother.…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 03:14 AM
17

Ask yourself. Will this woman give up her mojo to become a spouse, a mother, and grow old with you, better or worse, literally? If not, then expect all of this shit. Sooner or later.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/21 03:18 AM
4

That’s the route I went also. It was so fucking traumatic. 3 years out and I still think about it all at least once, every single day. Some days it’s most of the day. Crazy that it’s a standard play. I had no idea. And sure enough, right after the divorce finalized, I got claims from my health insurance company showing that she had been pregnant with another dudes child right after we separated. Had a medically necessary abortion. Somehow she got the provider to not run the claims until after th…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/21 05:09 PM
11

You’ll be fine bro. Better than ever. It’ll take about 18 months to get back to good. Work out a lot, watch the booze, let her go. Someone new will come along and make your stbxw look pathetic to your memory.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/21 04:46 PM
1

You’ll definitely pay something, but it will be way less than if she has primary and you make double what she does. Your state calculator should have a box to input your income and a box to input her income, plus a box to enter the number of overnights you each have. Play around with those parameters to see how much the base amount changes as the incomes and overnights change.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/21 02:23 PM
7

Get an attorney to get you into court ASAP to establish supervised visits, regardless of the PO. This can be done immediately. She has no choice in whether or not to comply with this, once it’s ordered. Go to every visit. Cancel none of them. Show some fight. Custody can take months to establish, especially with a PO. Fight the PO separately and understand that even if it has merit against her, or she prevails, it doesn’t mean you lose your son. You need an attorney to help you navigate this. I’…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/21 01:37 PM
1

Theoretically at equal incomes, 50/50 overnights, should be zero cs. Every state is different but most have some variation of that model and some include daycare and health insurance in the base calculation. The ones that don’t still make you pay your share, but it’s not called child support.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/21 02:52 AM
3

States get reimbursed by the federal government through Title IV D funds, a percentage of every dollar they collect. Percentage rates differ amongst the states but it amounts to 10’s-100’s of millions flowing into state budgets every year. This is why primary custody goes to the woman 83% of the time. Keeps her on child support, off welfare, and bonus title IV D funds for the state. Custody is 100% financially incentivized in America.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/21 01:43 PM
2

It’s definitely an older generation thing. Not exclusively, but in general the younger generations seem to think nothing of divorce. I’m sure part of it is the decline of religion and the rise of social media. I’m agnostic myself, but I believe religion helps couples bridge the gaps when they don’t feel like being married any longer. It’s a promise to an idea of forever. More of an accountability to a belief system. Whether or not they’re any happier, I couldn’t say. They don’t experience divorc…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/21 11:07 PM
1

Agree
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/21 07:32 PM
1

I wish I knew too. There certainly are marriages that survive affairs and one would have to assume that in those cases where the women strays, there must be some accountability expressed for the marriage to survive. It may be that we’re in the divorce_men subreddit so we’re only seeing the dead. The survivors and their stories are being told elsewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/21 06:42 PM
6

Haha, yeah that sucks but try not to think of it that way. What rewired her brain was facing herself in the mirror. Could she look herself in the eye, admit that she got caught up in the feel good, love bombing, intoxicating secretiveness of an illicit affair? Could she face that about herself, knowing that to stay in the marriage would mean a long road of struggles for you, therapy, you telling others about her affair and how devastating it was for you? Your children someday finding out, her es…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/21 06:15 PM
18

It’s the affair. I don’t know what psychological mechanism causes it, but it was my experience as well. Something about needing to make you into the bad guy to be able to justify the choices she’s making. Most women don’t see themselves as cheaters. They are serially monogamous. Once they’ve left the nest, by having an affair, they suddenly have to confront the unforeseen negative aspects. Honestly, I believe most women would rather bite the bullet and end the marriage, rewrite the history, call…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/21 03:49 PM
18

I’m currently living through the same emotions at 1.5 years from finalization. It’s relentless. Your brain will come up with all kinds of stupid reasons to justify why it’s ok to still hurt for her. “She was my first love...The mother of my children...The person I genuinely wanted to spend my life with...My best friend...The loss of my dream of raising our children together...” It’s mostly all bullshit. I’ve been through the entire divorce/remarriage cycle now, twice. What I can tell you is that…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/21 04:21 AM
6

It’s a losing battle. Takes absolutely nothing for her to elect to have your state agency garnish your wages. And honestly? That’s the easiest for both of you. It’ll just come out like a tax before your check even hits your account.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/21 03:22 PM
2

She’s that diabolical.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/21 06:47 PM
9

It’s not perfectly normal for kids to change their names after divorce. It’s totally abnormal. I would never agree to that. Then you’ll really just feel like a paycheck. Stand your ground on this like a rabid bulldog. Even if it comes from your children themselves, tell them that unless a judge orders you to allow it against your will, it’s never going to happen. A judge won’t order it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/21 03:33 PM
1

Yes. I was just a weekender though. Much less than that quantity wise too.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/20 01:31 AM
1

Sounds a lot like what I went through. My ex demanded a hair test as well. My attorney bought me as much time as he could, and I argued against having to take it. There were 2 rounds of motions/responses between each party. With my last motion/response, I voluntarily submitted a clean test before the judge had to rule on it. Stressful, and yes it was absolute crap compared to her narcissistic, cheating, secretly pregnant with his kid and abortion bullshit. But I made it through. I don’t think it…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/20 12:56 AM
1

Yeah I get it. Mine did something similar. I had to fight a bullshit DV charge and go through the supervised visit thing for 3 months. She told the courts and anyone who would listen that I was abusive, alcoholic, whatever. I wasn’t. After the divorce finalized, I learned that she had been pregnant with some dudes child. Had an emergency termination of the pregnancy because it was tubal. I only found out because she was on my health insurance. They sent a stack of claims to me, from 8 months pre…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/20 03:25 PM
3

That egotistical bitch needs a judge to explain to her what custodial interference is. Don’t accept less time with your child! Never forget the core question when you’re lost in the sticks: How will removing an active parent from the child’s life be beneficial? You said your divorce finalized. Doesn’t your parenting plan specify the current custody order? How does she even think she has a choice to withhold? Does your parenting plan say that the other parent is entitled to meet adult friends of …
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/20 10:04 AM
4

That’s exactly how I feel. She gonna have skin in the game or she won’t be playing. Not with me anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/20 08:53 PM
3

Yeah, remarriage or not, my point is that statistically we are all likely to cohabitate again. And depending on your age, it’s probable that your next partner will have children. If they live with you, even part time, you’ll be contributing to their upbringing while you pay child support to your ex and your partner collects it from hers. On and on.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/20 08:03 PM
3

Yep, and probably in the future I’ll be married again to someone with kids. She’ll be collecting support from their father, while I raise his children in my home. I’ll be paying support to my ex, while her and her partner raise my children in their home. And her partner will be paying support to his ex, while her and another man raise his children in their home. World without end. Welcome to America.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/20 07:03 PM
7

I have a 22 year old and a 3 year old. Different moms. The experience between the two, post divorce and in regards to child support is jarring. My first child’s mother was a dream to coparent with. Never went to ORS, and accepted that I paid what I could afford. She lived in another town and technically had all the overnights. I had every other weekend, which becomes even less as they get older due to their activities. I was young and poor, started out at $200, then I bumped it to $300, then $40…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/20 06:14 PM
13

I’m sorry man. Went through the same thing myself. Except in my case she had an ectopic pregnancy and medically required abortion. I had no idea until 2 weeks after the divorce finalized and I got a stack of claims in the mail from my health insurance, from 8 months previous. I don’t know if she convinced the provider to not run the insurance until after the divorce was finalized or if she told them she’d pay cash(good reason to get divorced and sell the house) but either way they held off on ru…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/20 05:59 PM
6

Go to a credit union! Find a small one. They’ll hook you up.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/20 02:31 AM
7

Just take out a loan for the car. Payment on $6,000 is probably less than $150/month. Then fight it. Not only would you see your kids way less, your child support would go up. Most states are based on number of overnights.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/20 02:17 AM
14

I’m in the same boat. Ex is dating her affair partner. Picked up my son last night and he starts talking about how they went camping. Hits you like a punch to the gut. Makes me want to burn the whole village to the ground. But, I’ve noticed that it does pass. I usually have to sleep on it and the next day I feel better. OLD is tough. Match, chat, meet, then ghost or be ghosted. It’s especially hard in your 40’s. Women have 3-4 kids, photos that were taken 6-7 years ago. Or, sometimes they’re jus…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/20 06:57 PM
4

I don’t know Texas laws but she’s probably entitled to half of the gain in equity during the marriage, regardless of who is on the mortgage. She would need to refinance into her name and pay you half the equity. If you stayed in the home you’d have to pay her share of the equity which also probably means a refinance. I’d advise against letting her just stay there and pay the mortgage to you, regardless of the kids feelings. She’ll have another guy living with her in no time. Then you’ll be unabl…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/20 08:43 PM
2

I got 40/60, and had all the crazy problems you speak of. Well, according to her I did. I think you’ll be ok.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/20 12:37 AM
2

It’s a horrible thing to go through. Weaponizing the police against you is something that a marriage can’t come back from.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/20 04:43 PM
1

I got silver bulleted. DV allegation, temp PO. Even hit me with a hair follicle test. Demanded sole legal and physical. Voluntarily gave a clean hair test, got the DV dismissed. But had to fight my way through a couple months of supervised visitation, then had the statutory minimum EOW for a few months. At mediation we got to 40/60. Anything more would have gone to trial. I was tapped. It was a horrible divorce. I’ll let a year or 2 go by, then petition to increase time to 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/20 10:28 PM
3

The alternative is to change the law so that the default custody arrangement is 50/50. If a parent doesn’t want 50/50, then they can pay. Raise your kid yourself, or pay someone to do so. Child support calculators are based on the number of overnights the NCP has. Consequently, parents (primarily women) are financially incentivized to seek sole custody.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/20 06:02 PM
3

Cost me $20k in attorneys fees to get 40/60. Ex wife has an income similar to mine. What extra expenses does she incur that I don’t also have? We split daycare, split health insurance, split copays, split extra curricular activities, both provide a roof and bedroom, both need a car and car seat, both buy clothing and toys. Why exactly is she collecting $550/month from me for the next 16 years? Because she has an extra overnight each week? It’s over $100k by the time he’s 18. I’d give my last dim…
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/20 05:54 PM
2

Makes you wonder if it’ll ever hit them. Ever a moment of regret down the line. I suppose by the time it does, we won’t give a shit.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/20 07:56 PM
8

I echo many of the comments here. I too, tried to salvage the marriage. She put me on my back right from the start with accusations of drug abuse and cheating. Her attorney demanded a hair follicle test, argued for full custody, only supervised visitation for me, etc. it was brutal. She accused me of having an affair. I was in such a defensive position, right from the start that I didn’t really question her. I had been using a little cannabis on Saturday nights and had kept it hidden from her. I…
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/20 03:20 PM
1

Yes, you are entitled to half the gain of her 401k during the marriage. Find some kind of documentation on your 401k balance in 2003, determine the marital gain, divide it in half. Then take half the marital gain of hers, minus it from half of yours. The net will be what she gets, if a judge decides. You’re correct though, you can determine your own settlement if you both agree.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/20 02:15 AM
1

Plato: Allegory of the cave. You’re seeing shadows on the wall and believing it is reality. Gotta leave the cave to understand how wrong your perception was. Your children want you to be happy. Show them how to recover from something. Don’t let them have to tell the story of how their dad was sad and broken hearted for the rest of his life after his divorce. Best wishes, friend. It is, as they say, a motherfucker.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 06:08 AM
1

Dude, envision yourself with the next woman you love. Holding onto this shit for your ex would be dishonorable to her. It will never be the same with your ex, no matter what. There is no solution to this problem. This impossible rejection we all feel. You won’t find healing in the person who hurt you. You absolutely can stop loving your ex. You’re suffering from limerence. Look it up. It will go away eventually. Go no contact.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 05:50 AM
3

Things are going to look better for both of us, by the end of summer. The trauma was last year. The healing is happening now, and new hope will rise with the spring.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 04:48 PM
15

Perspective, man! You got 50/50! You know how many guys out there are reduced to being 4 night/month dads with max child support? Try that scenario out, while another dude takes your place in her home and with your kids. I get it, I was a 2 weekend/month dad for most of my daughter’s childhood. When I met and married my son’s mom, we discussed having another child. I was excited at the idea specifically because I didn’t get the chance to raise my daughter in a traditional home, with both parents…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/20 04:40 PM
3

I considered doing the same during the divorce proceedings, but my employer matches 5%, so I looked at it like she gets my 5%, and I get the employer match. Split the gain. Plus, my contribution reduces my taxable income, so it didn’t seem worth it with having to file my tax return as single now with no dependents.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/20 07:57 PM
5

I went through the same thing. Not quite to the extent you have, but I also gave my all, building us a beautiful home using funds from my savings and another house I owned prior to the marriage. I did almost all of the work myself. Took me a year. We moved in with a bunch of equity and she cashed it out 4 months later through divorce. Took a big chunk of my 401k as well. Our incomes were similar, but where I had savings and a 401k, she had debt from student loans and credit cards. And yep, a lot…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/19 06:57 AM
2

Agree. Lay out the dough for the attorney. Tell him to protect your interests in your children and your finances. You’re about to go on real shitty emotional ride. You’ll waver back and forth between reconciliation and separating. Your emotions will betray your best interests. She’s a stay at home mom. You’re a provider. It’s instinctual, it’s what we do. But that paradigm needs to change within you. Rethink fatherhood. Fight for 50/50. You’ve defaulted to her being the primary caretaker while y…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/19 03:28 AM
1

July 20th, holla! My attorney called last night to inform me that the judge signed the decree yesterday. Weird that it was a Saturday, but it’s done. All things considered, I did ok. I got the custody I wanted, joint legal and physical, 40/60 split. That outshines everything. And I started from a dark place last fall. Supervised visits, hair follicle drug test, and a protective order. It was fucked, but I navigated through it all. Tried my damndest to reconcile, but just couldn’t get there. She …
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/19 03:42 PM
4

I’m sure a lot of folks on Facebook would interested. But don’t do that to yourself. If you’ve told anyone, a bunch of other people already know. That shit spreads like wildfire. Couples gossip about other couples divorcing all the time, especially if there’s cheating. Keep your cool, present a respectable face to friends and family, and watch her reputation take a nose dive. It will. People hate cheaters.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/19 05:54 AM
6

AZ doesn’t have indeterminate sentencing. She will do 85% of the 20 years. 17 year sentence, guaranteed.
/r/MensRights13/07/19 03:56 PM
1

Good luck, man. I’m just wrapping mine up now. Been dealing with it for 10 months. Definitely get an attorney, just understand that having attorneys involved will immediately turn you both into adversaries, if you’re not already. Nobody gets out unscathed. My advice would be to study the law a bit, and understand what the worse case scenario could be in regards to finances and custody. Accept that reality, then work to mitigate that. You’ll feel like you came out ahead when it doesn’t turn out a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/19 01:07 AM
1

You could trade your equity for not paying spousal support, depending on the relative value of each.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/19 10:51 PM
3

I’m going through the same thing. Two young boys, new home, total loss. She says it’s my fault. I guess it is. No cheating or anything, just some mild pot use/binge drinking, too much arguing. I would have never left her, and would’ve bet my life that she wouldn’t have left me. Yet here we are, 8 months into a divorce. I’m devastated. This is my 3rd divorce. Yep, 3rd fucking time through this. First was just too young and stupid, second was an unfaithful wife, and now this. I KNEW this time was …
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/19 02:54 AM
1

Fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/19 02:28 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter