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uberasascuber Archive

View 0 posts and 230 comments by uberasascuber on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Does this effort include therapy, emotional intelligence work, trauma work, earning secure attachment etc? 🙄 Lol
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/22 02:23 AM
2

I’m sorry, what?! Is the man in this scenario having children? Is he carrying and birthing them? Is he breastfeeding them? Staying up through the night with them when they r sick? Reducing his paid work so that he can care for them? It’s just weird that children are not mentioned here. If he wants children but is not doing all of the labour involved, then his partner is definitely doing many hours of labour. Like this needs to be addressed in the scenarios. Women are not slaves. That work is not…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/22 01:09 PM
3

And thee is the prejudice that was going to come out lol. The reason ur not hearing the logical explanation from other parties here is because this is some sort of emotional bias u have
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/22 02:57 AM
1

It definitely encompasses that scenario and u r being intentionally ignorant here. Seem to have some sort of preconceived bias ur trying to confirm
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/22 02:53 AM
3

Therapy obviously
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/22 06:37 AM
1

U really just centred yourself as your knee-jerk reaction to that? Wow.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/22 11:27 AM
11

You are complaining about women depending on men to fulfill roles that men actively gatekeeped from women and still, to this day shame women for doing themselves. When women push past the outdated gendered divisions and enter male dominated career paths, they face a lot of well documented resistance. When women don’t rely on men for these roles, insecure men will actively have an issue with it. Its the whole low self esteem causing a need to be needed. It’s the classic manipulative technique of …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/22 12:33 AM
6

There is no problem ‘getting’ guys. The issue is filtering out the toxic, mysogynistic, entitled, insecure ones that have not had therapy. Women’s standards are designed to filter out the men that they don’t want. It works. And that’s why it triggers insecure men. For example, many insecure men have a need to be needed and use financial control and entrapment to secure attachment. They are not confident that they will be wanted and have not developed the skills to create the emotional intimacy r…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/22 12:26 AM
1

Despite myself perceiving those standards as reflecting a shallow, insecure and misogynistic man still stuck in his toxic gendered conditioning. I will not dwell on it and move on to someone who’s standards match mine. Pursue your standards and stop wasting time worrying about what the other people’s standards are. You can’t control other people. If you don’t meet their standards then they won’t pursue you and you move on. You can only work on yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/22 12:16 AM
6

Ignoring the mysogynistic straw man fallacy of what ur trying to say, it honestly doesn’t matter. If they don’t meet your standards, you move on. You believe she doesn’t offer what you want so why are you even thinking about what she wants? The fact that you are bothered by her standards shows that it is your own insecurity here. Focus on working on that rather than other people that you can’t change or control.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/22 12:13 AM
20

It means exactly what she said. What is hard to understand and why does this trigger you? Why do other people’s standards have anything to do with you. It looks a lot like you approaching dating with a scarcity mindset and low self esteem. If it bothers you, do the work to become the standard. We all choose people that meet our standards. It’s a personal thing. People are allowed to have their standards. That is actually a very healthy approach; to be completely content in your own skin and appr…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/22 12:08 AM
–

Have you considered therapy? We attract our shadow selves.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/22 10:31 PM
5

False. Many don’t. And that’s despite the heavy conditioning pushing that onto us.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/22 10:24 PM
5

At least you’re self aware 😳
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/22 10:21 PM
11

Looks like you are projecting how you think you will be and feel, if you leave your current boyfriend, onto your friend. If multiple people are saying that, it sounds unhealthy. How many women that have chosen to be single have you talked to? I bet you will hear a very different story. Many will describe, feeling the way you did once upon a time and being so relieved that they raised their self-esteem and healed their trauma that caused that insecurity.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/22 10:16 PM
2

Errr no it’s not. There is nothing bad or wrong with sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/22 04:01 AM
1

And if a decent proportion of men agreed with you then why would women marry? If you were a woman (assuming you’re not), would you marry a man like yourself? What would be the use? If men can’t offer emotional intimacy and women don’t need them for anything else, the incentive is gone. They can have sex without marriage. There are men that will be honest about what they want and not manipulate to get it. And the sex is often unsatisfactory for women, so not much that men like that have to offer.…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/22 03:55 AM
3

The facts are that this is not what happens. Have you seen behind the facade within arranged marriages? I have. The women are not happy. They are abused and neglected. They are simply conditioned to view the position of marriage as honorable or higher status. They are also shamed for being unmarried. They tolerate and endure.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/22 11:08 AM
2

This is not how many men across the world are conditioned to view women, marriage or sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/22 11:05 AM
3

And the empathy. In fact, morality is cultural and the culture often doesn’t teach empathy for women. Empathy is often conditioned out of men in patriarchial cultures. In many societies and throughout periods of our history, women have been viewed as sub-human.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/22 11:05 AM
2

Wow. U seem incredibly ignorant of what many married women endure, particularly those in arranged marriages. These dynamics exist within a context: a patriarchal culture that conditions men to view women as objects, servants, slaves and lesser than and for women to accept abuse as it’s better than the shaming she endures if she doesn’t. Marriage is a tool of the patriarchy. It’s often entrapment.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/22 11:01 AM
3

I think a lot of these cave man, cave woman assumptions have little back up from research. In fact, a fair amount of assumptions have been de bunked, like the assumption that women didn’t hunt. Likely to be heavily influenced by the current patriarchial conventions
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/22 01:49 AM
1

It’s due to the suppression of sadness and fear that boys are taught. It can be de-conditioned with a lot of hard self work. Therapy, re-connecting with the body (emotions are in the body), regulating the nervous system, processing trauma etc. if not expressed in a dysregulated way, they will cause mental or physical illness.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/22 01:46 AM
3

Said hormonal changes during menstruation cause higher levels of testosterone, a time when women are hormonally more similar to men. Kinda tips your argument on the head. Also, emotions are physical bodily sensations. Numerous studies have found similar emotions in men and women. Their expression of said emotions and identification or awareness of them is what’s different. Many more studies have linked this to social conditioning. We are not that different. We have the same nervous system.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/22 01:42 AM
4

The emotional suppression seen in men (due to their conditioning) causes them to be triggered by emotional expressions of women, particularly those suppressed din themselves (the shadow concept). Suppressed men are triggered because the expression of the emotion causes them to start to feel al the painful emotions they have suppressed in themselves and work so hard to avoid. So particularly, sadness for example. This triggered response in men causes ego reactions like gaslighting, toxic positivi…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/22 01:38 AM
7

It’s because women’s gendered conditioning provided them better development of the skills of processing emotions, rather than suppressing which men’s conditioning taught them. Also, the violence thing is partially related to women being taught to suppress their anger morels than men. Anger is a secondary emotion and suppressed men express sadness, fear and confusion as anger. But the violence thing is also entitlement, power, control and socially acceptable behaviours. It’s all toxic gendered co…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/22 01:31 AM
4

Err if anything, testosterone has been linked to bigger highs and lows
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/22 01:27 AM
0

Toxic gendered conditioning of the patriarchy is the answer
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/22 01:26 AM
3

Exactly. Sadness, confusion and fear are some emotions men have been conditioned to suppress-these are often expressed as anger (a secondary emotion) by men. Women are typically conditioned to suppress their anger and this leads to them turning it inwards, causing depression, anxiety etc
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/22 01:25 AM
6

Incorrect. Expression of an emotion is processing the emotion. Stoic ness is suppression of the emotion. An emotion never disappears. Suppressed emotion will always be released in some way whether in a dysregulated explosion, mental or physical illness. For example, suppressed anger can lead to depression (anger turned inwards) or body rashes. Suppressed sadness and fear can lead to anger as that is a secondary emotion-we see this more frequently with men. High blood pressure, cancer, autoimmune…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/22 01:22 AM
0

Studies have proven time and again that no gender is more emotional than the other. Due to conditioning, women tend to be better at expressing their emotions (less so anger) and men more likely to suppress their emotions (less so anger). It has nothing to do with evolution or biology. It is gendered social conditioning due to the patriarchial system.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/22 01:17 AM
7

The conclusion and interpretation you got from this study is false. The concept is well explained in the book ‘Come as you are’ but basically the images were all sexual, not to do with people’s features. Basically, some of the features of physical ‘arousal’ such as increased lubrication are not correlated to women’s sexual desire. The response has evolved to protect women’s bodies from trauma & the main theory for why this is, is the prevalence of rape throughout history.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 08:47 AM
4

R u serious? Women were property and had no choice. How can you be that ignorant? It’s mind boggling
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 05:18 AM
1

Yes. Exactly. Due to toxic gendered conditioning. They can heal but refuse to do so. Hence they are getting left behind.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 05:16 AM
-3

Then it’s women’s evolutionary purpose to do the same 🙄
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/22 04:48 AM
1

But you don’t need to marry to have a long term relationship so why the marriage?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/22 09:14 AM
4

Have you had therapy to process your traumas? Doesn’t look like it. It’s clear there is still a lot of projection
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/22 09:12 AM
0

There is zero scientific evidence that men somehow have less emotions LOL. They are simply conditioned to suppress their emotions instead of processing them.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/22 04:05 AM
1

Due to social conditioning
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/22 04:03 AM
5

You haven’t learnt the skill of validating the other persons emotion and holding space for them to process and co-regulate-an important aspect of attachment and creating emotional intimacy. It is what we are meant to do for children. Adults that have trouble doing so did not receive that in childhood.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/22 08:29 PM
3

Toxic masculinity 101. It’s not your fault but your responsibility to do the work to learn the skills to learn how to process and validate emotions. Developing emotional intelligence will be a huge advantage on intimate relationships if you don’t have enough incentive
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/22 08:27 PM
3

Therapy will help you learn how to be comfortable with processing rather than fixing/suppressing ur own emotions and therefore others’ emotions. It will also teach you how to validate others and your own emotions and understand them as the bodily sensations that they are. It will help you learn how and when to use the information they provide. Also, how to communicate with others about what they require from you at the time of them expressing their emotions. The need to fix an emotion is an avoi…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/22 08:24 PM
-1

She built it too. Usually more of it, if there are children. Women’s labour is not free. We are not slaves
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/21 10:54 PM
0

Yes, she is. Most women experience DV from an intimate partner. Are you living under a rock?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/21 10:52 PM
2

Emotional unavailability is a set of symptoms (not simply about opening up) that are a trauma response. It is often related to insecure attachment styles, particularly dismissive avoidant and fearful avoidant. The avoidant type attachment and associated emotional unavailability is skewed towards men as the toxic gendered conditioning traumatised them in terms of emotional neglect. Of course, the person is not to blame for their emotional unavailability. But they are responsible for doing the tra…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/21 01:16 AM
1

Men’s toxic conditioning has caused them to seek to meet their unmet emotional needs from sex. They also tend to have their emotional development stunted and struggle to create emotional intimacy. They are also taught to draw self esteem from sexual performance and conquest. It’s all toxic conditioning thanks to the patriarchy
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/21 11:46 PM
2

Intimacy is a need and it does not need to be met through sexual or romantic relationships. The toxic conditioning of the patriarchy has men struggling to create intimacy with each other, in their friendships and father son relationships. That is not women’s responsibility to fix.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/21 11:42 PM
1

That is exactly what is happening. Women are learning that men need to work on their emotional intelligence and heal before they can add anything to our lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/21 10:35 PM
5

It doesn’t seem like you are attachment theory informed? 🤷🏻‍♀️ But ‘emotionally unavailable’ is often used to describe avoidant attachments (who are associated with casual relationships), either dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant. However, anxious attachments are actually emotionally unavailable as well but it’s more hidden and unconscious. If a dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant is with someone more avoidant than them, then they will flip into anxious attachment. The same happens vice…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/21 10:03 PM
1

Omgosh tagt article is so 🤮 Can I recommend the following book as a start?: https://www.amazon.com.au/Gendered-Brain-neuroscience-shatters-female-ebook/dp/B07HMDQGC1/ref=mp_s_a_1_9?dchild=1&keywords=neuroplasticity+female+brain&qid=1634686834&sr=8-9[The Gendered Brain](https://www.amazon.com.au/Gendered-Brain-neuroscience-shatters-female-ebook/dp/B07HMDQGC1/ref=mp_s_a_1_9?dchild=1&keywords=neuroplasticity+female+brain&qid=1634686834&sr=8-9)
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/21 11:41 PM
2

This behaviour in men is due to social conditioning. We are not that different but we develop different neural pathways, depending on our environment. Neuroplasticity has flipped a lot of this assumptions on their head. Haven’t even gone into the hormone aspect of this but again, there are prejudiced conclusions being drawn on the research when there can really be a multitude of different explanations.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/21 11:37 PM
5

This is a trauma response and not inherent to men or women that have had healthy emotional development. It is very much the case with many men who cope in this way. However, they do this because they had their emotional development stunted by toxic conditioning that invalidated their emotions in childhood. It is an adaption that works ok until it doesn’t, like all trauma responses-it eventually crashes down on you. A classic example is the man in a mid-life crisis. The issues we are seeing in so…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/21 11:31 PM
4

You really don’t understand that internalised misogyny is a survival response stemming from a time when women’s survival depended on men?! They were trapped, financially dependent etc. The easiest way to survive was to go along with the sys them. Parents & society conditioned their children to fit in to the patriarchy to make life easier for them. Hence why it is changing as women’s dependence on men is reducing. How is this not obvious to you?!
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/21 11:22 PM
4

It’s not a need and plenty of people go without it. When u have done the hard work & healed emotionally and finally connected with ur authentic self, those coping mechanisms are just not necessary. Plenty of people can vouch for feeling like yourself pre-healing & losing that desire post-healing. U have just been conditioned to use sex and women as a band-aid for ur trauma, self esteem issues etc. It’s unfortunate because this unhealthy behaviour has become normalised & it holding men back from …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/21 11:15 PM
2

When all men finally go to therapy. Women might have the energy to listen. At this point it just looks like men talking in circles to avoid facing themselves. They are scared of healing. It’s sad. But it shouldn’t be our problem. The solution is staring men in the face. Go to therapy. Do ur trauma work. Become a conscious being and then we can meet on the same level
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/21 11:12 PM
13

Many women deal with this situation with the abusive fathers and don’t abandon their children. It’s a huge issue. It is not an excuse to abandon his children. Did he explore all options? Doesn’t sound like it. The initial separation stage will result in a lot of difficult behavioural changes in the children. They are going through attachment trauma. It is the parents’ job to continue to show that the child has secure attachment to both parents. That father failed his child. He should be seeking …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/21 03:19 AM
6

It’s not hard. The legal system just does not recognise coercive control in most countries. It is not wushu wash. It is well studied and clear cut. Every abuser uses coercive control. Many DV marriages are ended without the mention of DV
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/21 03:16 AM
3

Coercive control which is what is central to DV, is not against the law in U.S, Australia and many other countries. Most victims have little chance of being able to prove DV which is a system
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/21 03:14 AM
3

No. It’s because he doesn’t know how to process his emotions on his own. Men tend to have their emotional growth stunted by toxic social conditioning. They are often taught to project their insecurities & trauma onto women. They struggle to create emotional intimacy with their male peers so place the risk of many people all onto one woman. They suppress their emotions and wear a mask then express in a dysregulated state to a single person. They don’t seek help, trauma work and therapy at the rat…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/21 11:45 AM
3

Why do you think people stop having sex? Huh? People in HEALTHY relationships (many are not) tend to have sex that improves more and more with each decade. Women, especially tend to come into their sexuality more and more as they are able to heal the toxic conditioning that associates their sexuality with shame. I guess the main issue is when physical issues make it too difficult. The other issue is people still having unprocessed trauma and unmet emotional needs & toxicity that they haven’t rea…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/21 10:34 AM
0

You don’t need a romantic partner to not feel lonely. So many other ways to connect with people. Yes, the lack of community is a problem. That’s why we need to create community through common interests etc. Men tend to have more problem with these two factors because toxic masculinity & its conditioning has made it difficult for men to have emotional intimacy with each other. Everyone should get therapy and do their trauma work and healing. Our society is reaching a point where more people no lo…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/21 10:19 AM
1

Women are not so conditioned to use sex to attempt to meet unmet emotional needs (including self-esteem!). Women didn’t have their emotional growth stunted by toxic gendered conditioning. As much as men. Women are conditioned to associate their sexuality with shame whilst men associate it with status and worth. Women tend to be less reliant on a sexual partner for connection and validation needs. Women self-reflect, take accountability and go to therapy at a higher rate. Men are less likely to d…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/21 10:38 PM
3

Abusers are always extremely nice….until the overt abuse begins. No, actually the niceness then increases as the abuse cycle plays out. This niceness is termed love bombing. Abusers are usually co-dependent which also involves niceness. It’s a toxic trait born from trauma. If someone likes everything and doesn’t assert healthy boundaries, they are hiding a part of themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/21 10:25 PM
7

Most of us learn about the red flags through experience. Abusers are known to target young people/women. Majority of abusive relationships start in teenage years or early twenties. This is why we need to teach teenagers the red flags. It’s also why we need to parent & teach young children things like asserting and respecting healthy boundaries, consent, bodily autonomy and not obedience. Also, most abusers don’t start overt abuse until they have entrapped the victim. This usually involves some c…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/21 10:17 PM
6

Classic fawn trauma response, co-dependency pattern. But happens in other situations where parents were unpredictable, unsafe, manipulative, dysregulated or the children were parentified. Child learnt to people please to find safety and became hyper aware of others to adapt to the unpredictability or danger.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/21 10:11 PM
3

Niceness is never authentic. It is manipulation. It is usually part of a fawn trauma response. It’s not conscious and it’s unhealthy. A healed person who is secure and has strong morals will treat others well and have healthy boundaries. That is attractive, safe and healthy. It is authentic and transparent. Weak boundaries, low self esteem, a victim complex, resentment when their “niceness” is not reciprocated, a lack of authenticity are all toxic and red flags.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/21 10:07 PM
1

Why do you think women need or want to learn anything? Women don’t need men. If u don’t want women then stay away. When u don’t need anyone, u can set ur standards as high as you like because your peace is preferred over anything less. Men like you are projecting the idea that women are afraid of not having men. It’s very telling
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/21 10:07 AM
1

Adults are responsible for healing themselves, doing their trauma work and therapy before they seek relationships as they risk hurting others with their toxicity and will be incapable of healthy attachment & love. They will also be likely to use sex and other external validation as a band-aid for their unmet emotional needs. Adulting & psychology 101
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/21 10:04 AM
1

Improving is an internal process of self reflection, accountability and trauma work. The external follows. We become what we believe we are.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/21 11:35 PM
1

Because externalising and avoiding self reflection is central to the toxic gendered conditioning of boys/men aka toxic masculinity. As is wearing a mask of superiority etc instead of seeking help as that would apparently equal weakness which is apparently forbidden. Recognising and healing this toxicity and trauma would be key to them developing actual self-esteem and being successful with women but of course they are in denial and trapped in an unconscious ego state. Unfortunately red pill is k…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/21 11:33 PM
4

Everything these men say is them projecting their own or the male experience onto women 🤣 Obviously deeply unconscious men. Hit the nail on the head and he didn’t even get it at all…perplexed by being forced to self-reflect 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 this is too good
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/21 11:17 PM
3

The common denominator for cheating is low self-esteem (that depends on external validation, particularly through sex to cope) due to unprocessed trauma Number of sexual partners may, but doesn’t always or strictly indicate the level of self-esteem All cluster b personality disorders I typically involve a high number of sexual partners & cheating for the reason stated above One has to consider that a low number of sexual partners is typical of conservative & religious cultures which also involve…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/21 03:54 AM
2

Errr no 😂 u need to process ur traumas, become aware of ur unconscious patterns, de-condition ur toxic gendered conditioning, develop emotional intelligence, earn secure attachment, validate yourself & re-connect with ur authentic self. It’s not a gendered thing. It’s a basic bare minimum that every person should do before expecting you have healthy, long-term relationships & children. Men r just uncomfortable with healing due to their toxic conditioning. Their ego then projects all their issues…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/21 11:34 AM
1

Ur assuming that women settling in relationships = happy women 🤣 I can see a huge gap in ur understanding
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/21 11:21 AM
–

In other words, they need therapy, trauma work & healing but instead whinge on an internet echo chamber. Women know that already. It’s sad because the first option fixes the problem whilst the second leads to re-traumatisation. How I see the issue, is the need for change to the reluctance of men to self-reflect, be accountable, seek help and heal. Toxic masculinity associated those things with weakness. There are next to no male role models, dating coaches, books etc advocating men healing to ac…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/21 09:57 PM
–

Mostly their male intimate partners. Oh the irony
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/21 09:38 PM
–

That’s the fawn stress response as clearly explained in “CPTSD From surviving to thriving” by Pete Walker. Women tend to be socially conditioned into a dominant fawn stress response. Whereas men tend to be conditioned into a dominant fight stress response which can be expressed in narcissistic traits, defensiveness & misogyny as well as physical violence-probably due to the stress on a competitive mindset that is conditioned into boys (Win or Lose & if you are losing it’s because someone is winn…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/21 09:37 PM
2

Yes. I’m seeing here, men complaining about women not showing interest and I’m wondering how they don’t see that she is just not interested 🙄😆
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/21 01:15 AM
2

Men created this system. It would have died out quicker if men were more selective. For example, most women know that most men swipe right on everyone on tinder so it’s pointless messaging him first. Women have to resort to assessing effort as a way of determining genuine interest.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/21 01:14 AM
2

Enjoy their life. Women don’t need a man as the trope goes. Therefore there is no need to settle fo less than someone who contribute to their life. Men need to work on themselves or be left behind. Catch up lol
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/21 01:08 AM
2

Sorry this is super long but it was a stream of consciousness I don’t have time to edit lol Now the men who are still stuck in their ego defences & unaware of their pain, unconscious patterns and toxicity are going to get triggered and defensive in response to this message. The most I can be bothered to say to cater to disarming male egos is that this is a generalisation and we all have different levels of toxicity. Also, our toxicity and trauma is not our fault but it’s our responsibility to he…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/21 12:44 AM
–

A big dick that a man knows how to use plus he is great emotionally and at creating intimacy, tension, foreplay etc is awesome and rare! 😩 😂 The dick aspect is about stimulating the g spot or cervix and the latter doesn’t necessarily need size. And so many men seem to not get it!!! Many large ducked men rely on that as their whole personality and contribution in bed 🙄😂 And it just isn’t satisfying if u haven’t warmed the oven as they say. Or know how to use it. A small dicked man that is amazing…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 09:22 AM
–

Looking at that first study: You have to consider that this includes studies that go back to 1979, the international studies and the religious studies where sexual suppression & inexperience is the norm for women. How they gonna know if they only had one partner? 😂 Women r self reporting and don’t know what they are missing out on & r conditioned to settle for less than satisfactory sex & wouldn’t know they can have better if they are not experienced. Women’s awareness of their sexuality is new …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 09:15 AM
–

Well it might relieve you to learn that sex is not a need and people use it to meet unmet emotional needs, especially men due their emotional suppression. I just want to vouch for the huge benefits in personal satisfaction and well as your chances at attracting and keeping a healthy relationship (if that’s what you want), from doing the real work. In fact many people have low self esteem and self sabotage issues due to their trauma (everyone has trauma) that prevents them from success in this ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:46 AM
–

Modern relationships aren’t worse than traditional relationships or those in the past. This is a huge delusion many men have. This is due to men being coddled and protected from the suffering of women, especially in their own family. Men would really benefit if they started listening to women talking about their own experiences. Just because something isn’t discussed, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Women have long been trapped in unhappy marriages and had to put in a facade for society. Many yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:32 AM
0

False. The thread is discussing how men DO have a role and effect on women’s libido. Listen and learn for your own benefit.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:26 AM
0

The whole point of this thread is that many women have a much higher sex drive than many men realise and their libido is not actually the problem. Like did u even read anything? Lol Listen to the women telling you that their libido changes drastically with different partners and is directly correlated to how much safety, accepting of her influence, empathy, emotional intelligence, communication skills, effort, emotional intimacy, respect and sharing of labour he is doing. Goes without saying tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:24 AM
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You act like she is not doing anything. Have a hard think about that. It’s a basic requirement to be attuned enough to your partner to be able to satisfy them. It’s not that hard. Why would you have finished if you weren’t certain she was satisfied?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:21 AM
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This thread outlines the many ways men are not holding down their end! Is it really that hard to comprehend?! You can’t talk if you haven’t actively worked on yourself and done the real work that is required for healthy relationship (therapy etc). This sounds like an ego defence
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:17 AM
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Then men like you whinge about women leaving men that are destroying their physical and mental health!
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:16 AM
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Take accountability for your part in your relationships! This is ridiculously entitled and dense
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:15 AM
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Is this a projection cos it is so far from the truth it’s ridiculous 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:14 AM
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There is also the issue of cortisol and adrenal dysfunction/fatigue, burnout, trauma & ptsd (women often experience this due to intimate partners & can be caused by emotional abuse) in causing loss of libido These are common issues in married women with children and caused by long term stress. They are all inter-related and linked to hormone dysfunction & typified by fatigue, weight gain and loss of libido. They require a LOT of rest & restorative activities to recover from. The kind that many m…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:13 AM
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It seems like men’s collective defensiveness, circular conversations, gaslighting and refusal to take accountability in threads like this to be narcissistic. Do you understand narcissism at all??
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:09 AM
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Are you dense?! Fatigue and stress are well studied to inhibit women’s arousal and sexual satisfaction!!
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:07 AM
-1

False. Studied to be false! May I recommend the book “Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life” by Emily Nagoski that explains the science and mechanisms behind this
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:06 AM
-1

The mind and body are extricably linked and this is well studied. Mental exhaustion, stress and trauma is perceived by the brain the same way physical exhaustion, stress and trauma is! Also, physical chores r also physically exhausting and gay is a sure fire way to lose arousal
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:04 AM
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Damn right! 💦 When a new fwb came over and washed the dishes, I was instantly turned on and planning to keep him around! 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:03 AM
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Did you ever consider that you are difficult? 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:01 AM
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*so that
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:00 AM
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Of just do the real work and get the therapy you need to do that you can learn to love yourself so that you can have a healthy relationship?! 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 08:00 AM
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Have you educated yourself on attachment theory? Do you know your and hers attachment style? Have you done the work to earn a secure attachment or do you have one? That sounds like a typical insecure attachments pattern I highly recommend the book “attached” the website “free to attach” the attachment theory Reddit’s page & the personal development school on YouTube and their courses 😉
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 07:59 AM
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Educate yourself on emotional labour, on what is required to build emotional intimacy. On conflict resolution. Look at the disparity in women to men seeking information on attachment style, conscious parenting, trauma work, love languages, couple communication, child development & attending therapy! And tell me that there isn’t a gendered disparity in active work on the relationship and family. Many men r severely lacking in this department. It’s not about grand romantic gestures! It’s a pity so…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 07:56 AM
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There is still a huge gap in the labour and emotional labour across the home and children! This is VERY well studied. Most men don’t even know their own children’s medical appointments, medication etc! I think a lot of men are ignorant of how huge the load is. Or is it just a defence? Educate yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 07:52 AM
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Women r known to commonly become more bonded & attached after quality and frequency of orgasm. (Men too but it is less so and overrides by more factors.) So that doesn’t exactly fit your narrative🤷🏻‍♀️ Most women with experience will not go back to a guy that didn’t satisfy them sexually unless they have an emotional bond. I would never bother to see a guy again that didn’t sexually satisfy me! It’s a minimum requirement. It’s good comfort for your ego though
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 07:49 AM
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That should be the minimum standard! I don’t even start getting into it if I haven’t had that. For some women, a clitoral orgasm b4 penetration is required to reach multiple, vaginal orgasms etc too
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 07:44 AM
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I think a lot of men are misinterpreting the need for emotional intimacy and accepting their partners influence with things like grand romantic gestures when it’s often not. It’s so much but not necessarily that! It’s something that takes most men a complete mind shift, rewiring & a lot of hard work and learning to become capable of due to social conditioning causing them to have low emotional intelligence, low empathy, avoidant attachment style & equating accepting women’s influence as emascula…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 07:41 AM
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This look like you are projecting your definition of attractiveness onto this information! “Masculinity” and “attractiveness” are measured in VERY different ways by these studies and how you, men or society measure it. Second study simply refers to symmetry! They are also defined by VERY different factors by women than men. They say observer rates and participant rates. But if you think about it the study requires the women to rate their partner highly & that is the important factor. It hasn’t r…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 07:24 AM
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Just opened that up quickly & read the intro…..isn’t that study based on Indonesian data?! That is a VERY different cultural situation where marriages r likely to be more traditional, status oriented & transactional. One where men r valued for such traditional aspects of masculinity etc and women’s priorities in marriage r still survival, status, safety etc over emotional intimacy and actual sexual satisfaction (it is a sexually repressed culture, particularly for women). One where a power diffe…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 07:11 AM
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Yes! They are actually projecting their own sexual experiences onto women!! I think this is sadly another effect of the low emotional intelligence that society has conditioned men to have & actually hold them back from fulfilling sex & relationships 😔
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 07:02 AM
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I think this sort of reasoning is an ego defence to avoid facing your responsibility in the situation It’s a pity, because the truth is not that and it actually gives you more power to change the situation It’s unfortunate that the social conditioning that causes men to avoid self reflection, accountability and setting aside the ego, results in them missing out on the advice and opportunities for growth that women are providing you
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 07:00 AM
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Simply cumming is not all that is required for women to feel satisfied. There are really lack lustre orgasms and single orgasms then there are mind blowing multiple orgasms. There are clitoral, g spot, cervical and anal orgasms. The last three, are possible for women but they never or don’t have in certain relationships. This comes across a bit like a man projecting his sexual experience onto women. There are also lots of factors outside orgasm, including the neurochemicals, hormones which r aff…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 06:56 AM
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Do you think the situation, hours of labour, relationship with their man etc within their marriage with children are contributing factors to their lack of time to exercise, depression & need for birth control?! Men in these relationships could do a LOT to improve this situation don’t you think?!
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 06:49 AM
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The bullshit men choose to believe to soothe their ego instead of actually listening to women! 🙄😂 When will any of you admit that you have work to do on your personalities! And actual self awareness & self esteem achieved from healing & doing trauma work creates the confidence, intimacy, respect, authenticity and openness etc that is intoxicating for women. But you all refuse to listen Conventionally attractive is such a tiny aspect of the requirements for attraction for women!
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 06:47 AM
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R u serious? What a delusion 😂 Attraction is of course the into all requirement for arousal & this is not just looks but an opposite immune system & smell, voice, behaviour, confidence, respect, body language etc But that attraction without a certain type of safety is not enough And the woman won’t come back if that doesn’t also involve the man sexually satisfying her. If women were not sufficiently satisfied then that’s usually an end of story situation if she has enough self esteem, experience
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 06:43 AM
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And they cum far more in relationships that have emotional intimacy! Many relationships involve a man that actively but unconsciously sabotages and avoids this intimacy. It’s a trauma response due to how boys & men r socially conditioned and inter-generation trauma plus the societal issue of fathers being less involved roel models🙄
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 06:38 AM
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It’s really not that hard to build emotional intimacy if you have emotional intelligence 🙄 Many men severely lack in that department due to social conditioning. Look at the percentage of men who have an avoidant attachment style! A huge number. This attachment style is not capable of emotional intimacy & is in fact severe triggered by it, without them doing the work to earn secure attachment. Unfortunately, most men need trauma work and healing to be capable of emotional intimacy. Your type of d…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 06:36 AM
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Oh yes hormonal birth control usually destroys women’s libido. There r studies linking it to affecting women’s choices in partners too! Yet, so many men still insist on refusing to be responsible for birth control 🙄
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 06:30 AM
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I forgot to add that the initial stage of the breaks inhibiting initial desire often include stress, exhaustion, depression, anxiety, trauma etc which are common issues for married women with children, unfortunately.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 06:27 AM
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Huh? But quality sex is what creates arousal. It’s a cycle. Good orgasms will usually create huge amounts of bonding hormones in women. To start with, the breaks to arousal are more sensitive for many women. This is overcome with safety, emotional intimacy, feeling appreciated, valued, seen and heard. That background eventually leads to sexual satisfaction IF the man is able to be present, pick up questions, communicate during the act & not view sex as something he is DOING to a woman but WITH h…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 06:24 AM
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A lot of men are not self aware enough of how terrible they are at building emotional intimacy. This is the default due to their social conditioning. Men usually need to do active trauma work, healing, therapy and work to earn secure attachment to be anywhere close to capable of emotional intimacy. This is the societal issue. Boys r modelling their male role models and inter-generational trauma is continuing. Men in the past were definitely not raised to be good partners. We are still seeing the…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 06:17 AM
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Did you miss the point entirely? I not that women don’t like sex! Women love sex! But they rarely ever feel sexually satisfied, hell they’re not even turned on in these relationships. There are troves of divorced women on the internet discussing how their sexual drive emerged as soon as they left these soul destroying relationships. Women often need emotional intimacy, not taken for granted, not overworked etc to even feel desire. Then we have the men who’s fragile egos get in the way of admitti…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/21 06:11 AM
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So it’s possession, control and insecurity then? The usual complexes
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/21 03:45 AM
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Men are conditioned to use sex to compensate for unmet emotional needs that they don’t reflect upon and seek help or healing for. They are completely unaware that this is what they are doing. Sex is not a need. Anyone that has done healing work will tell you that the desire for sex drastically reduces as their emotional needs are met. Many men are dissociated from their own emotions so can’t even recognise them. Many have low self esteem combined with a fragile ego to compensate. This ego blame …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/21 01:16 AM
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Is it that hard to understand that it’s their behaviour and psyche that is the issue?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/21 01:00 AM
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Low emotional intelligence and empathy, entitlement, arrogance, bitter, lack of self awareness, unaware of the female gaze, misogyny, insecure attachment style, unhealed trauma & low self esteem that cause toxic traits Why are so many men ignoring that behaviour is a huge factor & women have adapted to be hyper vigilant of this behaviour as a survival mechanism? It takes a lot of hard work on yourself to become aware of these traits & that’s the most important thing men need to be doing to impro…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/21 12:25 AM
2

Just another man desperately defending his value from the ego to avoid facing his low self esteem and trauma. Everyone is valuable. Women know men are valuable. We are just not going to risk the destruction of our mental, physical health & financial health anymore by letting unhealed men the chance to entrap, enslave and abuse us anymore. The risk is too great and likely. Unfortunately, society conditions men to externalise, project onto and seek to dominate and control women to cope with their …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 09:25 AM
3

If they are so keen on continuing to have the monopoly on those roles and jobs then maybe we should just enslave them to them 😂 jokes They are so scared of women not needing them. Women are only pushing that rhetoric as a backlash against the patriarchy setting women up to be reliant on men for so long. The only reason women are working on setting themselves up to survive without men is because men have been unreliable, abusive, controlling, fragile, dysregulated etc. All they are being asked to…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 09:02 AM
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Just wanted to point out that this is kinda the opposite of reality lol. Women are built to survive unlike men (comparatively) because the survival of the species requires more women than men. Some of that biology you all love to pay homage too. One man and multiple women will produce more babies than vice versa. This is why women have stronger immune systems, higher pain threshold, longer life spans, better endurance & performance during starvation and sleep deprivation. The species needs more …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/21 08:52 AM
1

This is usually people with bad insecure attachment, fear of intimacy, emotional unavailability etc due to trauma. It lets them feel the feelings without ever having to risk getting close to someone. They physically can’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/21 10:27 PM
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Haven’t had therapy yet?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/21 12:02 PM
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Because men are more likely to be abusive derrr
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/21 12:01 PM
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Pointing out how the argument is communicated instead of addressing it is a typical narcissistic ego defence type response
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/21 11:59 AM
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Current statistics: 75% of diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder are male Also well studied that men are more likely to have higher eels of narcissism (the narcissism that we all have)
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/21 11:54 AM
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Abuse and violence involves a huge system of techniques with physical violence being a tiny fraction of it. Financial control, emotional abuse & gaslighting, coercive control are usually reported to be more harmful than physical violence by many victims. Gaslighting, control issues and financial control are also more commonly used by men due to social conditioning etc. Furthermore, many women are more vulnerable to this entrapment due to economic dependence when child rearing etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/21 11:51 AM
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There is no such thing as mutual abuse. Not in any way shape or form. The abuser uses coercive control. Coercive control is a well studied and clear cut system that all abusers implement. There is also an unmistakeable cycle perpetrated by the abuser. One person always has more control. After reaching breaking point, the victim will start to mirror the perpetrator and will be pushed to reactive abuse. But this is nothing like mutual abuse. Please educate yourself on abuse and abusers.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/21 11:47 AM
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This looks a lot like a projection and victim mentality 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/21 11:42 AM
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You obviously don’t understand narcissism! They want to get everything out of the victim. They will do whatever they can to torture and destroy them. It’s not rational or about money or children. Its a personality disorder. Its about power and control at all costs. It’s about doing whatever it takes not to face their wounded true self. They idolise victims to fill the void then devalue, destroy and discard when the coping mechanism isn’t working anymore. They have to make the victim look worse t…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/21 11:37 AM
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I think when judging by looks alone, women are extremely picky. Possibly, because looks alone don’t excite us all that much. But this is not what women rely upon to choose a mate. I think men project how they think onto women a lot. Things like smell and an opposite immune system are known to be big factors. Tone of voice. How they interact with others. etc
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/21 01:19 AM
1

Exactly. The problem is not the divorce or absent father as much as people make out. It’s the absence of a healthy male role model. This commonly occurs within two parent household too! Many people talk of having had a dad that was just a man that lived in the house. My own was very conservative and would never divorce or physically abandon but he really wasn’t emotionally present when at home either lol A lot of these men complaining are really skipping over the elephant in the room here. Men n…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 05:40 AM
2

It really isn’t all that common or what most women prefer. Perhaps you notice it because it is different to the norm.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 05:36 AM
1

It was very common in the past though. Sometimes we glorify the past and skip over how bad it really was. A lot of us have these toxic dynamics in our families as the result of inter-generational trauma that goes back indefinitely. I can see that my mum experienced it due to a large family of 8 children and both parents overworked running a farm. I also see that it is common and accepted in many traditional societies. It is quite common in these societies for the women to gain more emotional sup…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 05:35 AM
1

The extremes of parentification along with enough emotional neglect is often manifested in co-dependency of various types and narcissistic personality disorder (also co-dependents).
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 05:31 AM
2

This is typical emotional enmeshment or emotional incest. Typically, the woman has unmet needs from an emotionally unavailable or unavailable partner (avoidant attachment, addict, abuser, abandoned) but also her own childhood trauma. It typically results in the son developing an avoidant attachment style and we know that this is a large % of men. With at least 40% of people with insecure attachment and the vast majority of avoidants. Enmeshment means the child suppressed their own emotions and i…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 05:28 AM
1

This is so weak. Men are in control of themselves. They should be able to masturbate regularly without porn. That would be healthy and natural. Porn is a great treat but should not be relied upon for arousal. Indicates an unhealthy relationships with the self and sex
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 05:19 AM
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Yes porn should be an occasional treat. Men would be so much better at sex
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 05:17 AM
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It really shouldn’t be needed regularly. If men aren’t able to masturbate regularly without porn then they are unlikely to have a great relationship with themselves, sex and their partners. It could indicate an inability to sufficiently arouse one self which means there is self work to be done. If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love your partner adequately. It is now normalised, yes but I don’t think it is really beneficial or necessary, just available. Maybe men need to “man up” and use som…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 05:16 AM
2

I can provide some examples of why that might be lol Some singe mums I know were venting about some of the issue they had when co-parenting. The children were returning smelling and unwashed. With UTIs after every visit. Some had peeling, bleeding dry lips. Some kids had knitted matted hair. Kids reporting maggots were in the home. One dad didn’t bother to get a Xmas tree on Xmas. One child had rotting food in their school bag etc! Obviously some single dads are great parents and home keepers bu…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 05:11 AM
1

Well that seems to be the same problem as porn or sex addiction and it’s not a competition right. Everyone needs to heal so that they meet their own unmet emotional needs and don’t rely on avoidance, numbing and validation seeking. It all comes back to this.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 05:05 AM
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Somewhat yes. But addiction to it is unhealthy addiction and not about sex but an addiction problem which is always a trauma response. Yet, society is sort of letting men think that it’s just normal male behaviour when it’s actually mental illness. Also, unfortunately the porn we have ended up with is overall not representative of healthy, normal sex and proven to be detrimental to sexual satisfaction for men and women. I think the ideal would be less reliance on porn, society teaching a healthi…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 05:03 AM
1

Have you even considered the children?!? Children need involved fathers. This is kind of why we ended up with toxic traits in men in the first place.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 04:57 AM
3

Child rearing alone is often cited as requiring the time of at least two full-time jobs. If you have parented full-time then you would know that it is much easier to do full-time payed work-you even get a lunch break! A lot of women want to be stay at home mums the change their mind after trying it out. Many find their payed work a relief from the home and allows them to be better, more available mums when with their children. A lot of this rhetoric on here is obviously coming from young men wit…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 04:55 AM
2

Did you consider whether women wanted to do All the housework and child rearing in the past? Newsflash. They didn’t. Men never asked them. Everything is not all about you The complaint is always odd though because there are still a decent number of women happy to fulfill the traditional role, it just requires men capable of fulfilling the traditional male role. Are you salty about this because you can’t fulfill that role? You can’t have your cake and eat it to right? It still exists. There are j…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 04:47 AM
4

If you wanted things to stay how they were in the past (btw it is more of an evolution that was more dependent on economic and political factors, industrialisation etc) then you should complain about all the men that abused their power to entrap and abuse women. That’s why women won’t go back even if it was practical. It’s not a risk worth taking for women. In fact, it is possible that you may see more women taking longer time out of payed work when raising young children, if male perpetrated do…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 04:42 AM
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You do understand that it’s a process right and that our current society is not a representation of feminism? I mean it is still patriarchal despite the huge changes. Women are overall better off now than they ever have been. There are still many problems for both genders. However, women are now less likely to be entrapped in a domestic violence situation without option to get out. Despite, it still being a huge problem, it is greatly improved. Unfortunately, we have a long way to go. Women want…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 04:39 AM
1

If we de-conditioned we actually have very similar interests in the end. It’s not a competition and if you see it as one then you could probably benefit from healing first. Ideally, we would work together towards improvement but a lot of men like yourself get defensive when there is any mention of change and solutions
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 04:27 AM
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I just want to call this out because it could be interpreted as dismissing the contribution that women traditionally provided the economy and society. I am staying this without de-valuing the contributions than men have made. But we shouldn’t conclude that men’s payed work indicates that they contribute more. Whenever men have been contributing more to the workforce, it is because women have been contributing more to child rearing and the home. The children and home that men are as responsible f…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 04:17 AM
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You don’t think there would be a healthier way for men to reject traditional expectations?!? It looks more like some men are lost but didn’t find the way. The old system of expectations for men kept them focused and occupied but not necessarily deeply happy either. Same for women. Although we were able to meet more of our emotional needs from the greater community. The old way was a mere distraction from finding the self and it made more sense when society was more collective and survival requir…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 04:10 AM
3

I disagree with the weak in the sense it you seem to indicate I think you will find that sons of single mums tend to be more likely to suffer enmeshment trauma and develop an avoidant attachment style which actually fits in with the traditional masculine ideal of stoicism, independence, suppressed emotions and fear of commitment. They actually push against it in adulthood On the same basis, boys who are emotionally neglected through disciplinarian parenting often end up with an anxious attachmen…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 03:51 AM
1

Then when women decide to not bother wi to the whole thing (marriage, children) due to a lack of healthy men-they are also criticised 🙄 Women are told to make better decisions but men are not told to learn how to be emotionally healthy and available partners and parents at nearly the same rate Women see this and know how off that is Everyone should heal. It looks like women are doing it at a higher rate and the male rhetoric is resistance to self-reflection
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 03:42 AM
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But where can most the improvement stem from? Men healing so that they aren’t shit parents. Derrrr
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 03:39 AM
3

Yes and this happens within two parent families as well as single parent families. The solution is men (and women) healing before starting families and in the situation of a lack of a healthy father, finding an alternate role model (society needs to work on making this easier) The rhetoric of throwing all The blame on women is not productive as well as unfair. If a man turns out to be unhealthy, she is faced with a lose lose. But yes, women should also heal so that they are more likely to attrac…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 03:38 AM
1

There is a likely correlation that their single parent family is caused by an unhealthy man. It’s a cycle and focusing on the result won’t solve the problem
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 03:31 AM
3

And it’s likely their father is an unhealthy male role model and he would have issues either way. It’s not an issue of parents staying together per say but an issue of a lack of healthy role models. A lack of a father is damaging but not as damaging as an abusive father for example. A man being in the home doesn’t automatically provide the children with a healthy example of masculinity or attachment. As a temporary solution, we need to look at other ways to provide male role models that are invo…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 03:27 AM
2

If the male role model is unhealthy, the children get traumatised either way. Many single mothers are fully aware that their sons would benefit from a healthy male role model. But it’s not easy to find one. Many are doing the best they can in a very difficult situation. Especially when it’s likely they come from toxic family systems and there aren’t many healthy men nearby. There are two aspects to improving this situation: 1) everyone healing their trauma and ending the cycle and normalising th…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 03:24 AM
1

So how would you end this cycle? The boy/man needs to heal this trauma so that he doesn’t continue the cycle. He is likely to become that bad dad for his own children and partner. This is what a lot of women and feminists are calling for. Men should call for it too. Unfortunately, they get defensive when they hear it from women. We need men to talk about this.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 03:19 AM
4

I think a lot of these men seem to have had enmeshment trauma with their female role models. It’s worth considering how enmeshment from the female figure can frequently occur due to her having unmet needs, especially from her male romantic partners. These same men are set to continue the cycle. This is why everyone needs to heal before attempting to find partners and have children to continue the inter-generational trauma.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 03:16 AM
4

I do consider a family with a male and female parents living together to be the ideal model for children but only when they are emotionally healthy and available (often not the case). It’s true that children benefit greatly from regular contact with a male role model and viewing healthy attachment and relationships. However, this often fails to happen within married couples and can be achieved through other means. As a society, we should be discussing the ways we can provide role models for chil…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 03:13 AM
-1

Learn to love yourself enough and connect to yourself so that you can actually turn yourself on
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 03:06 AM
0

It means you have some work to do on yourself. Probably some de-conditioning. This is learning to be turned on by yourself as much as the thought of others. The key is connecting with yourself and your sexuality from within. Let go of the thought of sex as a performance or mechanical act. Try practicing mindfulness, regular meditation and some physical experience like yoga or hiking to help you connect with yourself, your body and your unconscious. You can also try massage, erotic literature, ta…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 03:05 AM
2

That’s like saying you can party without it ecstasy but why deny to urself the experience when it is available to you. Because it’s not good for you and destroys your ability to actually enjoy the true experience of partying, especially in the long run. In fact it will damage you in ways that makes you far more unfulfilled than before you started taking it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 02:58 AM
1

The need for porn to masturbate is conditioned and indicates a disconnection from self and true sexuality
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 02:55 AM
0

Just masturbate. You don’t need porn to masturbate. If you do, you have work to do on yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 02:53 AM
2

Take away the social conditioning, poor sexual experiences with men etc and women’s natural drive isn’t as low as you would think. This is why older women that aren’t trapped in miserable marriages tend to have discovered an insatiable sex drive after undoing all that conditioning. One that is often only matched by men in their twenties.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 02:52 AM
1

It’s not about sex. It’s about unmet emotional needs, poor self-esteem and addictive processes in the brain. It’s simply an avoidance, numbing coping mechanism to fill a void caused by childhood trauma.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 02:49 AM
-3

Trauma work, learning your attachment style and about others, therapy and healing. There are unconscious patterns driving your experiences with women deep rooted in childhood that are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you do this without a conscious effort to heal, the worse it will likely get as each experience will re-traumatise.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 02:47 AM
0

You can masturbate without porn. This will take practice if you are conditioned to view sex as a mechanical performance and about power. It will require mindfulness and self awareness. Unfortunately, many men are disconnected from the self: their body, their emotions, their unconscious etc. Mindfulness, meditation, yoga, trauma work are methods to tap into this bug there are all sorts of ways one can learn to be present.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/21 02:44 AM
2

I feel like it’s the insecurity, victim complex and in denial of trauma that is the common thread 🤷🏻‍♀️They seem completely clueless that this is why they ah e problems with women
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 03:04 PM
5

You will see a lot more children born into failed or toxic marriages if you want people to marry before they even know who they are. It could be forced or pressured but that just means they stay in a toxic partnership and traumatise the children even more. We know that that age or marrying has the highest rate of divorce, currently. Did u factor that in to ur considerations? U want to force people to stay in something they would leave if they had a choice. Sounds healthy and beneficial for child…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 03:02 PM
1

There really aren’t that many
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:58 PM
1

If there is less marriage, there would be less children. It is still rare for people to choose to raise children without two parents
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:55 PM
1

It’s an expectation that society places upon women. One that women tend to let go of as they get older, more secure and successful
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:53 PM
1

Insecure men that women don’t want
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:51 PM
1

If you can not sacrifice your career to raise your own children like women do, you would not be codependent on women to do it for you (and your sons might actually have a more secure sense of their masculinity).
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:50 PM
0

Men don’t have the same pressures, responsibilities and effects involved with having children. Children require a huge amount of money, time and effort. If you want women to have equal responsibility for family income, then men need to set up and take responsibility for an equal amount of child rearing. Make it make sense. Perhaps if society was more accomodating to men who want to work part-time or take a few years out of work to raise their children in families that decide the wife would be wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:47 PM
-1

Do you also want to enforce men to fulfill their parental duties and raise their own children? Who is going to take time out of their payed work to parent? Men need to be held accountable for the children they choose to create. It seems like the situation you are insinuating is the government having to fill in the duty that men failed.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:42 PM
-1

That’s what women are doing now and men are complaining. They are also complaining when the women sacrifice their career to parent children. Feminism is about reducing the restrictions so that everyone can choose what works best for them instead of it being pushed upon them. Everyone benefits. So many men are still in denial that their insecurity and issue are due to their own poor self esteem, trauma etc and not something women do or don’t do.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:39 PM
1

Rape, domestic violence, child parents, broken families etc are all huge problems in Latin America. And if u are talking about traditional cultures, it is very common for this side of the culture to be hidden and not talked about due to shame, saving face and the collective society system
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:35 PM
1

You are really out here romanticising the past and ignoring the ugly realities of it 🙄 for everyone. And yes, Latin America is really doing well for itself what?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:32 PM
2

I thought it was more like the powerful men at the top had a system where every men “gets” a woman he can control so that he feels some power and control. This prevented him from realising that the men at the top were taking advantage of him. This is the reason feminism has been treated as a threat. It is to the few at the top. And they have fooled the men at the bottom to believe that feminism is not freeing them but is in fact a threat.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:30 PM
18

I agree. Many cultures don’t taboo men to men physical intimacy. It’s the norm to see men holding hands, hugging and even sitting between other men’s legs in some countries. I will also add that such a desire for sex with women (especially without emotional intimacy) is often due to a lack of self love and an attempt to fulfill validation needs that were unmet in childhood. Trauma work and therapy is the path to meeting those needs. After healing, people r usually more selective. For example psy…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:24 PM
5

Perhaps men should take part in the evolving too and use healing to improve their emotional intelligence so that they can provide something of value to women: intimacy 😉
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:17 PM
1

So curious; if you claim to carry this trauma, what have you done about healing it? Or do you just project it onto others?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:15 PM
1

And it’s no coincidence that men on here have insecurity issues. Those who are insecure frequently seek to control. A common manifestation of trauma for men is this played out with women. Secure men don’t desire the same thing. Why don’t these men just heal their insecurity instead. It’s becoming the easier option.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:12 PM
0

It means one thing without confusion: there is another controlling
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:10 PM
0

They are wallowing in their victim hood whilst projecting that women are doing so. They romanticise yet simultaneously complain about the same things. It’s so cringe
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:08 PM
0

Even in this thread we hear men romanticising am the past and seemingly gaining some sense of pride and identity from the past instead of focusing on how to constructively out together a masculine identity that actually benefits them in the now. These men sound like they r happy for their identity to revolve around suffering. Men are their own worst enemies. There are not enough male role models actually addressing this without it involving putting down or restricting women and other groups.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:06 PM
-1

They are complaining about how it was hard for them in the past as well as how it’s hard for them now. Yet, they rarely outline exactly what it is thymus want not any useful solutions. Everything is women’s fault somehow despite them having had the power all along to change the system. Men don’t know what they want. But what they really want is to feel loved and secure and only they can give that to themselves when they heal through trauma work and therapy 🙄They won’t even be so desperate for se…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 02:02 PM
1

You do realise that feminism recognises that men suffer under the patriarchy and benefit from feminism?!? Everyone benefits from having the freedom to choose what’s best for them. However, this requires them to heal and be emotionally healthy as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 01:57 PM
4

Lol you would see a drastic drop in divorce if everyone healed their traumas early on, especially men. You can change the laws all you want but that won’t mean that people aren’t having toxic relationships nor that children aren’t living in toxic families. People wouldn’t enter toxic relationships from the get go. They wouldn’t traumatise their children and model insecure attachment or emotionally neglect. The full effects won’t be seen until the next generation parents.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 01:56 PM
2

Why don’t you hold men accountable? A large % of these families will involve male perpetrated domestic violence. This victim blaming of women is ignorant of the nature of domestic violence and abusers in that they are seemingly kind and always well liked by society. They only flip once they have entrapped. Some have literal personality disorders that present with one personality until they don’t. Most men can’t pick out their abusive peers yet expect women to. If you want to solve the problem, y…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 01:52 PM
1

More likely that children are more likely to be emotionally neglected by parents in large families
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 01:46 PM
2

Errr not exactly. It’s trauma. Whatever the causes but usually inter-generational issues. But, yes any parental abandonment, neglect or abuse will contribute heavily. People get stuck at the emotional age of their trauma when it’s bad enough. The emotional invalidation that many boys receive is what causes the immaturity. There are various issue for both genders & its individual but that is a common theme. Therapy and various types of trauma work and self healing r the answer. Especially getting…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/21 01:44 PM
1

Seriously? Of course people should not be using casual sex as a band-aid for their trauma but unfortunately that’s very common. The typical player is a man with childhood attachment trauma that causes him to fear true intimacy, for example. Healing is a separate entity that happens with conscious work such as therapy, trauma work, meditation, self-care etc. Sex is a basic need for humans. If someone’s healing from a relationship is going to take 5 years-they have to have no sex in that time? The…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 02:27 AM
2

You don’t think women have a greater risk of being assaulted, raped, stalked or murdered when having sexual encounters? The pill does nothing for preventing dangerous diseases that are more likely and deadly for women. The other major point is that women have a low chance of sexual satisfaction from these encounters. They want sexual satisfaction but know the effort, time required is not worth it when they are likely to be left unsatisfied. As a general rule, men are not good at sex and have to …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 02:19 AM
1

Abusive insults are not ok and the one you have used says a lot about how you view women. Women also desire sex with multiple people. However, they prioritise security for their children. It sounds like you are not familiar with attachment theory in psychology? It is one of the most important aspects to healing our traumas & toxic patterns to gain successful relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 02:14 AM
0

You don’t realise that this is the life for a majority of women. If only you heard them talk at playgroups etc
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 02:07 AM
1

You can be in a committed relationship for many years before having children. I did a decade. We took turns supporting each other to study etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 02:06 AM
1

You don’t understand that wanting satisfying sex and actually being able to be aroused are two different things
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/21 02:04 AM
1

Exactly, he doesn’t think he is worth settling N down with unless he earns money so that’s what he ends up with
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:40 AM
3

So women can live alone for 20 plus years in old age and men can have healthy women take care of them through the ageing process LMAO
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:39 AM
7

People start to know themselves as they move beyond their 20s. This means they start to undo the social conditioning that created the differences in the first place.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:38 AM
0

Exactly. It’s all conditioning and a lot of men are in denial about this. The patriarchy wants to trap women before they gain self-esteem & develop a career. It wants women to long for a relationship before they realise their worth on their own. It wants to tie them down when they are still easy to manipulate and gaslight. This is where all the age differences, preferences and standards stem from.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:36 AM
1

Do you have an avoidant attachment style? Sure sounds like it
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:33 AM
0

Women want sex as much as men. They just tend to be more sensitive to blocks to arousal. Women will always want a lot of sex if they feel emotionally fulfilled, the sex is satisfying & they are not physically & mentally exhausted. Men who complain like this are not being good romantic or sexual partners.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:32 AM
-1

Because society conditions and pressures women to base their whole life around being in a relationship, having children etc. They are also shamed for seeking sexual satisfaction in any other way. Over the years, the woman matures emotionally and realises her worth, improves her self esteem etc whist her husband tends to gaslight, abuse, take for granted, defend her influence & bids for emotional intimacy, not pull 50% of his weight between paid work, child rearing, chores, emotional labour etc. …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:28 AM
4

Studies have shown that men in the dating pool after 30 are more than 50% avoidant attachment style-the attachment style most likely to sabotage relationships, avoid commitment, seek casual sex & believe the problem is not themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:09 AM
1

If a man believes his worth is tied to the amount of money he earns & lacks true self-love to now that he is worthy as is, then he will subconsciously attract & be attracted to women that value him for his wealth. Basic psychology explains that what we seek from partners is usually not consciously driven.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:06 AM
4

Women probably would too if the sex was worth it and it wasn’t dangerous
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:02 AM
1

Of course, marriage provides nothing to a woman who doesn’t need to depend on a man or has released the conditioning that society teaches her about her worth being linked to being on a relationship. Studies prove that statistically speaking, marriage won’t bring a woman happiness or health. It won’t prevent her dying alone either, since men don’t live as long and have a 20% chance of abandoning her if terminally ill.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 05:00 AM
3

Yes, a lot of men want to control women. They want women that are easy to manipulate and don’t have strong boundaries. This makes mentally weak men feel strong without actually doing the work to heal themselves. Therapy, trauma work, gain a secure attachment style, improve emotional intelligence. High value women are repelled by these kind of men. Said men will only end up with toxic women then complain about women being toxic instead of healing their own toxicity.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/21 04:56 AM
5

Couldn’t this, often be situational and simply represent where these people are at during that point in time. People tend to have casual sex when they are not in a good enough place for a relationship. Obviously this is not always the case but can explain the correlation.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/21 04:05 AM
3

I feel like a lot of these men come from families with enmeshed or overbearing mums & distant, unavailable dads. They are still pushing against mum (women) now and searching for a father figure (dating coaches, red pill coaches). It’s important to note that boys often have a difficult time developing their self esteem as many spend a lot of that crucial time (ages 2-4) with their mother and not enough around a male role model.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/21 02:40 AM
7

Yep. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s possible they may gain more short lived sex from women with low self-esteem & are toxic. It will repell secure, healed women. It will not result in healthy relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/21 02:23 AM
-2

Wow! The way you throw all blame on the woman who is and not the men’s unhealthy behaviour is predictable and telling
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/21 11:16 PM
1

The problem is that this rhetoric such as red-pill distracts away from the internal work that needs to be done so that one is not toxic and bad relationship material. It focuses on projecting blame externally. A lot of these men that spot this stuff out are obviously projecting and in desperate need for therapy. One should work on themselves before improving external strategy where needed. Although, it shouldn’t be all that necessary if one is no longer toxic and authentic. It may take time but …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/21 02:01 AM
1

If this is what you believe there is to having healthy relationships (if that’s what you mean) then you have some heard lessons to learn in the future. Those things are the tip of the ice-berg.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/21 01:57 AM
1

‘Love yourself’ actually means: improve your self esteem, re-program your super ego (inner critic), learn how to receive validation internally instead of relying on external validation, become aware of your childhood and adult traumas, wounds triggers & work on them, become aware of your attachment style and if it’s not secure-work on it, evoke aware of your now unhealthy coping mechanisms and avoidance/numbing methods & work on feeling your emotions instead of avoiding them, learn how to commun…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/21 01:41 AM
-2

Approx 75% of these types are male and they always appear ‘nice’ until they trap the victim. You really think women are choosing these types? You don’t think that the sheer number of these predators circling the pool (they have multiple failed relationships, often many simultaneously) isn’t a huge factor in why so many women are abused by them?? They are predators that choose and groom empathetic women. They are so adept at manipulation that they can drive victims to destruction without the vict…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/03/21 12:57 AM
37

(I have never commented before) In recovery from narcissistic abuse & doing a lot of research & consideration about my options for the future & have been thinking about this a lot lately. I have been looking at society through the lense of psychology a lot. Misogyny is usually men projecting their self-hatred, shame & insecurity as they have unhealed trauma. It goes without saying that this is no excuse. And cultural conditioning is aiding this. Socialisation & low emotional intelligence means t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 02:34 AM
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