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ughtheinternet Archive

View 0 posts and 148 comments by ughtheinternet on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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–

Yes, my husband was this way, actually! I paid attention to his response when I set boundaries or expressed discomfort and he was always totally respectful and not passive-aggressive or pushy which made me more confident in his character early on.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 06:28 PM
4

FWIW, I think being a SAHD is 100% valid. But yes, I wouldn’t want to live off other people. That’s perhaps very Western of me, and I know different cultures view parental support differently. (Also, of note, I don’t see being a SAHP with a working spouse as living off of someone else! That is just division of labor, where one person performs paid labor and the other performs unpaid labor.)
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 06:09 PM
3

Wait so if your mom is going into debt that you won’t be responsible for, isn’t that… supporting you? It seems like semantics to say it isn’t. Like… if your mom was supporting you with money that you would inherit when she died, she would still be supporting you. Why is it any different with a loan in her name on her asset? Yes, I know you can pump. I do every morning, and then two days a week while I work. It blows. Pumping output often doesn’t match nursing output (babies are more effective), …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 05:24 PM
6

Okay I feel like this is almost worse than your parents paying for it? There is zero chance I would agree to go into pretty substantial debt so both parents could stay home full-time with baby for a year. If I wanted a SAHD, I would prefer to go back to work after a shorter recovery period and then formula feed while dad stays home and does his SAHD thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/26 04:30 PM
2

http://xyonline.net/sites/xyonline.net/files/2019-08/Walters%2C%20Feminism%20-%20A%20Very%20Short%20Introduction%20%282005%29.pdf I’m a fan of the Very Short Introduction series. They are generally digestible without oversimplifying things too much. I haven’t read this particular entry, but I’ll link it anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/25 01:03 AM
1

I’m married. Our finances are fully combined in practice (we work entirely from a combined budget and make all major financial decisions together), but technically we each have our own checking and savings accounts, just because we kept the accounts we already had when we got married. We also have a joint account that our mortgage is paid from. Ideally we’d each deposit a portion of our pay in there, but right now we just transfer money to the account monthly from whoever has more in their check…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/02/25 05:23 PM
10

I know everyone is saying this is weird, but I actually find it fascinating oddly enough. So much of the way we culturally understand sex is based on the model of penetration. The underlying assumption that you tend to see throughout at least English literature/history is that during sex, men act and women are acted upon. How would an understanding of sex where men and women generally have the same roles have changed that narrative, and what social differences would come from that shift?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/25 01:58 PM
4

Tell me you don’t understand the noble savage trope without telling me you don’t understand the noble savage trope.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/25 05:31 PM
1

I wanted to be comfortable with the person first and to have built some level of trust. That doesn’t happen for me on a first date. I usually used the apps. If I had started dating someone I knew, I may have moved faster. It depended a bit, but I’d say 8-12 dates, and I had to kinda see a potential future there. I would do other things, but still not right away. The gradual physical build up helped me gain comfort/trust with the other person. I’ve always waited a while, so I can’t really answer …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/25 08:46 PM
10

If we’re pretending there’s no other option, I’d rather have a man submit to me. I know that I care about my partner’s well-being and happiness and also that I generally have good sense with making life decisions. I’d be too nervous about needing to submit to a guy who decides he wants to empty his retirement accounts to invest in some new cryptocurrency or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/25 09:39 PM
7

I wouldn’t take a polygraph test because there’s no good evidence that they actually detect lies. The APA, for example, doesn’t endorse them, and polygraph results are inadmissible in court. I wouldn’t take a polygraph test to “prove my innocence” in a criminal matter either. They are essentially pseudoscience. Edit: I didn’t read the last paragraph, but since I’m not going to buy and read a whole book to find out more about this “new technology” that “actually works,” I’ll remain skeptical for …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 09:45 PM
–

This is a different question. “Do women desire men who don’t desire them?” is a different question than “Would a woman use a handsome guy with no interest for her as a masturbatory aid?”
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 02:37 PM
79

You can’t use what TikTok shows you to determine social trends. It’s an algorithm. It shows you more of what you watch. I pretty much exclusively get pregnancy content now that I’m pregnant. It doesn’t mean that pregnancy rates in the US are rising.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 08:07 PM
12

It would for sure be a shock! But I’d work hard to get my head in the right place so we could welcome the child with open arms and do what it takes so that my husband could be a real father to his kid.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 05:18 PM
3

The same things that make a not short guy dateable. My husband is short (I’m tall, fwiw), and we met on a dating app. The reasons I swiped were because he looked pretty handsome, he seemed pretty cool from his profile, and he had a prompt that I specifically wanted to reply to. His job also seemed really cool (NOT richy-rich, but really interesting), and I had never heard of it so I wanted to ask about it. The reason I kept dating him is because he IS cool, we get along really well, we have the …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/24 03:22 PM
2

The same as for women, with the added requirement (since I am married) of trusting them to also be committed to maintaining the platonic nature of the relationship. I do not have countless men (or women for that matter) vying for my friendship lol
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/24 07:39 PM
–

What kind of heavy or dangerous work does the typical household require these days? Most people I know hire that stuff out or are skilled enough that it’s not dangerous. But for the record, I will certainly do more masculine-coded household things like mowing the lawn, trimming trees, cleaning the gutters, etc. On top of that, I’m also the one bearing children (damn biology!), which is just as dangerous as any of the aforementioned chores. I have no idea what we would do if we were attacked. It’…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/24 08:24 PM
1

Positive. I met my husband on Bumble. I was on-and-off the apps for probably 4 years before I met him, and in that time, I met generally good guys. I experienced very few inappropriate exchanges and really didn’t have any terrible dates. I also had a few committed relationships with solid guys who just weren’t right for me. For sure the monotony of mediocre date after mediocre date was a drag and of course there was some heartbreak as is bound to hasten with dating, but I really mostly met decen…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/24 07:18 PM
–

Nails don’t have any appearance value to you specifically. I couldn’t tell you stats, but my husband loves painted nails, and I doubt he’s the only one. (I hate doing them because it results in an hour or two of my day where my activities are limited and it chips off the next day at the gym.)
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/24 05:33 PM
3

CTE is definitely a problem… I’m not saying it’s not. Here’s the limitations from the study, but briefly, all the samples were from young people who had repeated concussions and had CTE symptoms. That doesn’t reflect the general population of high school football players. The authors themselves warn against using the study to estimate incidence or prevalence. <image>
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/24 12:03 AM
2

That’s absolutely not the correct prevalence of CTE lol I think 1/5 examined brains of HS football players had CTE, but you wouldn’t test the brain unless you suspected the person had CTE so that’s not the true prevalence at all. Sorry, my “well ackshually” tendency got the better of me 😢
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/24 10:34 PM
38

Okay, for starters, the concept of “enthusiastic consent” is not included in legal definitions of sexual assault. Whining until you get sex is not illegal. The law agrees with you, and I think most reasonable people would agree that something like this would never be prosecuted. This kind of pattern is more commonly labeled “sexual coercion.” And it’s certainly a form of sexual abuse within a relationship, especially if there’s a pattern of it. Note that this situation where someone gives in to …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/24 03:35 PM
–

Nah having big fights over text is too much drama
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/24 05:36 PM
–

It would just be too much drama for me!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/24 05:30 PM
–

Good luck finding what you’re looking for! I finally met my husband online when I was 33 (using the photos my BIL took!). There’s hope beyond the bullshit!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/24 05:28 PM
–

I don’t know… having a big fight over text with someone I’m not currently sleeping with or in a relationship with sounds like… not the kind of life I personally want to be living But I really value my peace so there’s that
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/24 05:20 PM
–

Like, don’t advertise that you used a photographer on your first date. I get that it seems weird… I didn’t tell guys that I had my BIL essentially take professional pictures of me. Women won’t know unless you tell them or unless you really don’t have friends and they somehow surmise that you must have hired a photographer because of that. Dating is weird because, like, there’s an unconscious idea that you’re supposed to be good at it without trying. Trying too much is “uncool” or something. But …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/24 05:12 PM
–

For what it’s worth, I’m a woman who did this (didn’t pay, but had my brother-in-law who is a photographer take some shots). I just didn’t have any good closer-up shots of my face. So he took some photos with good lighting that didn’t quite look like professional headshots… they just looked like nice photos that a friend might have taken. I’m glad I did it, and I think it improved my profile and my matches. I think it’s a great idea for people to do.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/24 05:03 PM
–

He’s just gotta ask me to get him something from a high shelf and I’m smitten
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/24 04:52 PM
3

Yes, men and women can be friends. Being friends with an ex or with an old FWB may or may not be appropriate depending on the situation. I’m friends with one of my exes, and my husband is friends with one of his old FWBs. We’re each comfortable with that because we both have good boundaries in those friendships, and we feel confident there’s no romantic feelings involved.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/24 09:14 PM
13

People show up at the ER for false alarms for tons of things. It doesn’t look like these studies look at whether women who didn’t have their drinks spiked are still claiming they did after their ER visit, so I’m not sure what the moral panic is about. Are we gonna get offended that people go to the ER for a heart attack when it’s really a panic attack too?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/24 08:45 PM
13

Okay? I do think it’s relevant that whole sectors of the population have friendships with people of the sex that they are attracted to, but it’s fine ignore my first sentence. The point still stands. There is a lot more to both friendships and romantic relationships than emotional intimacy. That is one factor that the two often (not always) have in common. There are plenty of other factors that can differentiate between the two.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/24 09:35 PM
35

With this argument, bisexual people can’t have friends. Both friendship and romantic relationships can be based on different qualities, some that overlap with each other and some that don’t. My friendships don’t have sexual attraction, shared vision of life, lifestyle compatibility, etc. My romantic relationship doesn’t have its basis in shared hobbies like some of my friendships do.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/24 08:36 PM
26

People like varying levels of affection. But plenty of people love the level of affection you describe. Just be cognizant about not doing too much too soon in regard to compliments. Over-the-top compliments in the very early stages can be a warning sign.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/24 10:34 PM
5

“Bummer, I thought we had a good time. Oh well.” I actually thought my husband was pulling the slow fade after our second date, and that was exactly the thought I had. The younger, less secure version of myself would think “I really hope he texts me! Did I do something wrong? Why won’t he just at least let me know he doesn’t want to see me again?!”
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 05:03 PM
19

Obviously I’d rather he be himself??? I’m curious to know what up think the benefit of the mask would even be.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/24 04:57 PM
–

At the time, I was in the best shape of my life probably. I’m tall and lanky, and I was in really good cardio shape at the time. Low body fat, healthy BMI, blah blah blah. I lived in a really outdoorsy location, so being athletic and outdoorsy was something that quite a few guys were into. My face is at least average, or at least I think so. Guys almost never approached me IRL! Never have! I’m not sure why… not sure if I’m ugly or look unapproachable or maybe just because I never went to bars or…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/24 09:51 PM
–

I’d be the one to suggest coffee usually. I’d get there early to read and then buy my own coffee before they showed up. I like generally splitting dates, and the “who pays” politics stressed me out because a woman asking to split is sometimes seen as “I don’t like you.” I don’t know how many would have suggested dinner if I didn’t lead with the coffee suggestion. But I would have countered with coffee anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/24 09:30 PM
–

I never “dated” for more than a few months before I either burned out and took a break or found someone I wanted to explore a relationship with. The 1-4x/week was absolutely ill-advised and not sustainable. So if I had to guess, the most first dates I had over a 12 month period was probably 30ish? About half before finding a relationship that lasted about 6 months and about half after that relationship ended.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/24 04:55 PM
1

When I was dating a lot, I went on 1-4 first dates a week. I didn’t have many bad experiences, but not a lot of great ones either. As one might expect, most were mediocre… there was nothing wrong with them, but we just weren’t a match. Usually the lack of chemistry was mutual. We did coffee dates, ice cream dates, occasionally lunch dates. Cheap and low stakes. I found most of them on apps. I didn’t go home with any of the first dates. I found several long term relationships and eventually found…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/24 03:14 AM
17

Everyone is just skipping over the part where you said that children should support themselves financially, which to me is the wildest part of this post. (fwiw I support robust assistance programs for kids from low income families… I just don’t think that they should be funded by children themselves)
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/24 01:18 AM
–

It looks like all your solutions are just things you think women should do to avoid being raped. 👍 Cool cool cool
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/24 05:54 PM
4

Not being able to sit still for 7 hours isn’t a criteria for ADHD though. Plus the blanket requirement for ADHD hyperactivity symptoms is that they must be inappropriate when considering the person’s developmental level. So a third grader being unable to sit for 10 minutes may be a cause for concern where it wouldn’t be for a 5 year old.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 07:01 PM
15

Looking at your post history, it seems like this is a real anxiety of yours. But your value isn’t in your age. Tons of guys care about things besides age and “looking youthful.” I met my husband when we were both 33. He could have dated someone younger (and in fact a younger woman had a giant crush on him when we met), but he dated me because he thinks I’m great and we get along well. If this fear is really bothering you, I’d suggest taking a break from these spaces. The guys here are not reflec…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/24 02:03 AM
10

My husband was golfing with his old college friends. One guy said that women in the workplace has ruined the economy for everyone. In the same conversation, the same guy derided a woman for leaving her job when she got married because she had always wanted to be a homemaker.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/24 05:54 PM
4

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/kolkata/woman-takes-bullet-shielding-husband/articleshow/416223.cms Saying that no one in the history of the world has ever done something isn’t a great way to be correct.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/24 12:32 PM
5

There are two options. I did a lot of work (editing, lit review, writing parts) for a manuscript he submitted for publication to a medical journal. That’s probably the most “above and beyond” thing. I also encouraged him to get the kind of bling-bling engagement/wedding band he wanted instead of a boring one, and obviously paid for it. That’s the most expensive thing. Not comfortable talking about it. I bet some woman somewhere has died for her partner. EDIT: Oh wait, I also moved across the cou…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/24 02:53 AM
-3

I mean, I don't like the phrase "pick me girls" but I sure do think that women who say that are struggling with internalized misogyny.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/24 10:10 PM
0

Doesn't your first paragraph basically mean "I acknowledge the role men play in dating sucks and they will face all the issues I experienced myself, but I don't want to deal with those issues so I'll just maintain the status quo and continue pushing these issues onto men so they're stuck with the issues instead"? I mean, maybe it does mean that on some level. I struggled with that concern when I was making the decision. Ultimately, though, I feel confident it didn't have a personal negative impa…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/24 10:09 PM
7

This really isn’t an attempt to change your view entirely because I ideologically agree that men and women can initiate romance/dates. My personal experience, which seems common based on what other women say, is that initiating dates and leading relationships does not have desirable results. For me, it led to dating guys who really weren’t that interested in me and just liked that I was a chill person to date. These weren’t casual sex situations. They were real exclusive, bf/gf relationships. Bu…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/24 08:29 PM
4

If I had to choose, then Daniel. Someone being super jealous and possessive is scary red flag to me. I could not date someone who couldn’t talk about complicated things. Daniel seems like the best option, but I want to point out that cooking isn’t a gesture of affection. It’s a chore that needs to be done. Like, humans should eat every day. I can live without gestures of affection, but not without a basic sharing of chores and household duties.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/24 07:54 PM
3

There goes the theory that all women are just obsessed with true crime, I guess haha Though tbh I only realized it because I sat down to watch a true crime documentary and Ed Kemper’s middle name showed up on a file.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 08:35 PM
4

Jumping on the top comment… they’re all serial killers which, tbh, is kinda funny despite being disingenuous and annoying. Emil’s “dark history” is that he murdered his grandparents. It’s Ed Kemper, Ted Bundy, maybe Jeffrey Dahmer, and maybe Jim Jones? Not sure on the last two.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 08:28 PM
16

omg I just realized these are all serial killers. I was like, “wow, a non-gotcha post!” I expected too much of this place. For anyone wondering, Ed Kemper, Ted Bundy, I think Jeffrey Dahmer, and I don’t know who the last guy is. The VW bug should have given it away tbh
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 08:22 PM
8

Theo or Julian, depending on who I get along with better. Based on the descriptions, I’d probably be initially more drawn to Theo, but sometimes lawyers are know-it-alls, and that’s an annoying trait to me. Plus HE may be the life of the party, but I’M definitely not. Julian seems really cool as well, and we might just get along better. Assuming either of them like even like me, of course.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 01:50 PM
2

The 8 point swing between “young” and “middle aged” feels like a lot. What’s the cut off age? I just didn’t give points for that because I’m between young and middle-aged, but I think my husband and I use a similar number of points overall, so I guess we’re well-matched!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/24 02:18 PM
3

Yeah, it does, I agree! It’s just a fairly low-stakes expression of the problem IMO so it doesn’t get me feeling activist-y. Like, the expectation that women shave their legs also has misogynistic but it’s not something I’m going to rally against because in the end, there are other issues stemming from misogyny that bother me more. (But props to women who don’t shave just because they feel like they are supposed to!)
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/24 10:41 PM
3

As I said, I have always contributed equitably in my romantic relationships, so men tending to pay for things has never really benefited me personally. There are just bigger things to worry about. For instance, I think it’s a much bigger problem that men are still frequently made to feel ashamed for crying or in general expressing hurt, sadness, anxiety, etc. I’m way more likely to call that attitude out than to fight against men paying for a first date.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/24 10:21 PM
24

You know, I do really believe that a man shouldn’t pay just because he’s a man, and I’ve been conscientious about contributing equitably in my own romantic relationships. But you are right… it is not an inequality that I care enough about to spend time and energy fighting for it, other than discussing it with folks in real life when it comes up. And I don’t really feel bad about that…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/24 07:57 PM
1

They didn’t give percentages or p-values, but it looked from the raw data that the divorce numbers in this study were similar in men and women. If the rates are similar then it would seem that the social group influence didn’t change that much based on sex. But I didn’t read the whole study and I will be honest that don’t really plan to because it’s not super high on my priority list.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/24 08:44 PM
11

The 70% statistic absolutely does not come from this same cohort, and I haven’t looked into either cohort enough to know if they are similar enough demographically to assume the results in one could be generalized to the other. If he had posted about the 70% statistic as evidence that women are disloyal or whatever, fair. I am suspicious of that interpretation, but that’s beside the point. But he didn’t. He didn’t reference it at all. He posted this one study as evidence that women “blindly do w…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/24 05:57 PM
141

Why did you make this post about women? The study literally states that they didn’t find any significant difference in the effect based on gender. Classic PPD, jfc
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/24 02:45 PM
11

A higher percentage of women have children than men, across education and income levels. And more lower-income men have children than upper income men. Your particular social group may not be reflecting this for whatever reason. See Table 1: https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr179.pdf#page12
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/24 10:27 PM
12

I have no idea if they would be considered evenly “looksmaxxed” according to the men in this sub.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/24 08:33 PM
42

This is not something that I see/notice in my own social and family circles. I can think of plenty of weird-looking dudes who don’t help with kids and plenty of handsome dudes who are really involved dads.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/24 08:24 PM
1

I mean, in your case, choosing the most flattering facial hair means being clean shaven. I definitely see plenty of dudes with patchy, sparse facial hair who either don’t know or don’t care (if they don’t care, then good for them, honestly!) that it makes them looked ungroomed. Also, I’m not saying it’s like… magic. Hair and makeup isn’t magic for women either, except for the small percentage of women who wear very heavy makeup like what you see in online transformation videos. And I’m sorry tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/24 01:51 PM
5

I know men don’t typically wear makeup, but flattering grooming (facial hair, hair cut, skin care, etc.) and clothing can have a pretty significant impact for men as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/24 03:35 AM
–

Here’s a quote from the conclusion of that article: “Sex differences in self-reports of the number of sexual partners also showed the predicted trend [men reporting fewer partners as anonymity increased and women reporting more] although it was not significant.” The groups were also really small (201 participants in total, randomly assigned into three groups), so that plus the fact that the results didn’t even reach the level of significance makes it impossible to draw real-world conclusions fro…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/24 02:54 PM
–

These reports typically use the median number and not the mathematical average for precisely that reason. It’s safe to assume that the OP is using “average” colloquially here and not in line with its mathematical meaning. Also, fwiw, the stats I see on this by the CDC (https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/n-keystat.htm#numberlifetime) define it as lifetime partners of people 25-49. Many of those people will have additional partners before they die, so yeah, the numbers are probably lower…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/24 04:21 AM
0

The question literally asks women what non-masculine traits they find attractive in men. Of course they are listing feminine traits. Anything else wouldn’t be answering the question.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/24 06:07 PM
5

Okay, let me rephrase… being a good amateur cook on a day-to-day basis. Cooking for the family has traditionally been considered women’s work, and I find it attractive when a man steps into that role.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/24 06:04 PM
7

For men, being a good cook, being emotionally expressive/communicative, being tidy, being nurturing. Oh, and loving cats!
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/24 09:50 PM
–

Listen dude, love is just two average idiots who both for some reason think they somehow landed a 10. My husband for some reason thinks I’m a 10/10 and I’m very clearly not. And I’m convinced he’s a 12/10, although he’s maybe more realistically a 9.5 or so.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/24 03:35 PM
–

Because we’re monogamous? I’m describing two people who have agreed to terms of a relationship. Neither of us is forcing monogamy on the other.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/24 02:46 AM
9

I would not tolerate cheating. The “flaws” I tolerate with my husband are that he has pretty bad anxiety, he is insecure about his body, he’s too hard on himself, he procrastinates on things I ask him to do, and he sometimes doesn’t listen. He’s kinda bossy… it literally doesn’t bother me at all but it could totally bother someone else. Oh! And his family is kind of pushy, but that’s not his flaw, so I’m not sure it counts. That’s literally all I can think of! I’m really not tolerating anything …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/24 03:04 PM
19

Yep, imo, “I’m not having sex on a first date” is often an aspirational statement. People for whom first-date sex is legitimately off the table often don’t mention anything about it because sex on a first date is just not on their radar at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/24 09:39 PM
2

Presumably some men who aren’t on the apps and some who are. You don’t have to sign a non-compete clause when you sign up for Tinder. You’re allowed to also meet women in other ways too.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/24 04:55 AM
18

I’ve never looked for casual stuff on the apps, but yeah, casual stuff is a whole different story! I remember my now-husband wondering out loud why women were less into casual sex and I was like… um, because they probably won’t even have an orgasm and also might get raped??? And he was like, “Oh yeah, I should have realized that.” I 100% believe that the mismatch in casual sex is primarily because the risk/reward ratio is very different for men than for women.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/24 10:05 PM
40

A lot of men aren’t complaining is the thing. It would be interesting to see a survey study looking at dating frustrations to see if the complaints here translate to the real world. One thing for sure, though… apps are rough for men. I think even really great, handsome guys can have trouble getting good dates from the apps. The male/female ratio is a big part of that, but I don’t know why the ratio is the way it is. I think apps also disproportionately screw over short guys. I think women who wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/24 09:19 PM
–

It happens, sure, but I have always thought this is shit advice in general too, for the reasons you describe. It’s always people in relationships who say that too. I think better advice would be to learn to have a happy and full life while single, while also taking active steps to find a relationship if that’s an important goal to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/24 04:06 PM
4

“If there is little to no difference, what’s the point of getting married” You realize that regular access to sex isn’t the main reason most people get married, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/02/24 05:18 PM
7

What? This genuinely doesn’t make sense to me, sorry if I’m dense. If I ask my husband to, say, vacuum or unload the dishwasher or mow the lawn and he doesn’t for whatever reason (tired, too busy, etc.), that means he’s punishing me? For asking him to do a chore?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/24 04:56 PM
5

Not OP, but “punishment” has a pretty standard definition, and “someone isn’t doing their part” just isn’t it. A punishment is typically something done in retribution, usually with the intent of changing behavior. So a traffic ticket for speeding or being grounded for skipping school. Your partner not doing their part in a relationship sucks and is both unpleasant and unfair, but it’s not a punishment.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/02/24 04:45 PM
1

Does she like dinosaurs and rhinos? Like do you have specific reason to think she’d be interested in it?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/02/24 02:18 AM
4

So in other words… not mandatory? Because it can’t be both mandatory and also easy to opt out of…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/24 08:24 PM
4

I don’t either… but it was one universal that I could think of!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/24 10:40 PM
2

Ooooh clear skin is a good one!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/24 10:37 PM
7

I couldn’t go with height because I’m 4” taller than my husband and I think his height is the cutest thing ever!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/24 10:35 PM
60

I guess cleanliness? Like someone who showers and doesn’t stink? And for most women, some level of physical fitness? Whether that means a lean distance runner or a muscular dude with maybe some extra padding (or anything in between) would vary from person to person.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/24 10:23 PM
1

I agree about a generic looks thread. I’ve seen specific questions deleted as well. One in particular was asking about leg-lengthening surgery, which totally could have been an over-discussed thing before I started coming here! But it’s also I think a kind of interesting topic that can potentially reframe a discussion on why and to what extent we all modify our looks. But it could also just end up in an “it’s over” circlejerk for short men, so there is that 🤷‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/24 08:55 PM
50

I actually agree with you to a point, especially about looks… how do you have a subreddit that discusses romantic relationships when looks can’t be discussed? On the other hand, I’ve seen how repetitive this place can get, so I almost don’t blame them for banning those topics. Like, I was ready for them to ban mandatory paternity testing threads for a bit because it was just way too much for a while.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/02/24 08:41 PM
-3

That’s why I said “seems” reflective. I would bet money that many men in this subreddit really think the hymen is a full, solid membrane covering, so Poe’s law is in full effect here.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/24 10:40 PM
4

People are giving you shit because it’s hyperbole that seems to be reflective of a misunderstanding of female anatomy. It’s kinda like saying a guy has a dick so big he can’t pee out of it…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/24 09:44 PM
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Absolutely not. I like splitting checks, but if a man INSISTS it’s his treat and then he can’t cover the bill, it’s tacky and demonstrates poor financial skills. I’d insist on paying the tip and then politely refuse date number 2.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/24 05:49 PM
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Wow, remember in the early 2000s when all the men had frosted tips? Really just goes to show you that men are, as a whole, fickle trend-followers with no independent thoughts of their own.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/02/24 05:59 PM
2

Thank you for actually engaging! I actually think waiting for sex is a good approach for many people, which is why I wanted to know what the OP was even talking about. I agree with a good percentage of what you're saying. One thing I don't agree is bringing being pressured into have sex into this topic. I think ultimately young women (and young men!) being pressured into sex is a different topic that is better addressed by making sure to really emphasis bodily autonomy in general with kids and b…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/24 08:05 PM
3

I read a comment on Reddit that wasn’t even directed at me: “If you keep dating emotionally unavailable men, then you’re probably emotionally unavailable yourself.” It threw a lot of stuff into perspective and gave me a missing piece of insight that helped me change my patterns.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/24 05:22 PM
20

I guess if “people who have lots of sex” = “whores” then yes, having less sex would decrease the numbers of whores lol I had just assumed you were trying to make a more complex argument than “having less sex will result in people having less sex” so that was my bad Edit: female, 36, married
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/24 04:44 PM
17

There’s no argument here. Why do you think waiting 90 days for sex would fix things? How can people have a debate on this when you haven’t explained your argument at all?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/24 04:37 PM
5

Dictionary.com Hypergamy: the action of marrying or forming a sexual relationship with a person of a superior sociological or educational background. Merriam-Webster Hypergamy: marriage into an equal or higher caste or social group. Looks is not included in the definition of hypergamy.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/23 07:05 PM
3

I can't tell if you meant to say you swipe LEFT on women over 5'6" or that you like the masculine energy they bring to a relationship. Either is fine. I don't know what you want people to "discuss."
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/23 06:53 PM
10

Yes, but what can a women provide a man in a non-romantic relationship? In platonic relationships, women can provide men with the same thing men provide men with. I provide my male friends with an activity buddy, with good conversation and dumb jokes, with advice or words of comfort during difficult times, with excitement and congratulations during good times, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/23 06:15 PM
3

Lollll I'm sorry, I already found my academic dreamboat! You'll find your PhD-appreciating princess though! She's out there!
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/23 07:55 PM
6

I'm a sucker for academic professions. Like, if there's research or college-level instruction involved and you need a PhD, I'm there for it. There's also a difficult-to-define "cool" factor that plays a role.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/23 05:13 PM
10

Yes, plenty of people find me boring, I love routine and am pretty introverted. I get excited about my job, but I don't talk about it that much because I know it's boring to a lot other people. I can carry a good conversation about certain things, and am polite and know how to ask questions/carry a conversation, so I'm not painful to be around, and I'm interesting to enough people that I haven't had too many problems making friends or dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/23 09:09 PM
5

I think the people who truly mean cooperation (and there are a handful) are usually religious. Conservative Evangelicalism teaches that a godly marriage requires the woman to be submissive. So healthy couples that cooperate need to call that cooperation "submission" so they don't feel like they're sinning. Both my sisters claim they believe wives should submit, but they're both really in egalitarian relationships. 🤷‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/23 11:48 PM
15

OP: sorts comments by controversial Also OP: "Why is everyone justifying this???"
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/23 03:14 PM
12

I think struggling together strengthens a couple a lot. Fruitlessly struggling against each other does not, but struggling together against the hard things of life? That's where closeness and community are built, imo. In my experience, even interpersonal conflict with each other is a great opportunity for a couple to grow closer. It just had to be productive conflict. I think the reason young people might struggle more with relationship longevity is because they don't yet have the skills to appr…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/23 02:52 PM
17

There's such a high focus on protecting ourselves and on setting boundaries to avoid being taken advantage of (which is not a bad thing in and of itself!) that we've I think overcorrected in some ways. The flip side of a world without much patience for other people's shit (even the shit of close friends/family/partners) is knowing that no one is going to have patience with your own shit, which is a lonely place to be.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/23 01:41 PM
34

I've actually thought this for a while. I think when millennials look back on the "toxic trait" of our generation, it will be a kind of hyper-individualism that ultimately leads to a higher level of social isolation. I personally don't think it applies only to romantic relationships either. I think we can be too harsh with our friends as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/23 01:18 PM
4

Chad Simpson lol
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/23 03:52 AM
14

I agree that buying a meal can be a great way to give to your partner. However, most married couples combine finances to some degree, and an expensive gift is less sacrificial when it's coming from shared money. Also, eating a nice dinner out is not an every day occurrence. If one partner provides food (by cooking dinner) 6 nights a week and the other provides food once a week (by buying dinner), many people may not be satisfied with the situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/12/23 01:39 AM
18

I think it's very common early on to be turned off by too much attention. This can be either healthy (like, the guy texting you 24/7 after a first date and trying to sleep over every night is likely needy and insecure) or unhealthy (like the portion of women who only like guys who don't really show interest). Another note about this is that there is a hugeeeee range of "normal and healthy" in regards to attention early on in the courting process. Someone who texts once a day and meets up once ev…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/23 05:19 PM
2

You really don't see how a 100% accurate test that shows if someone has ever or will ever cheat over the course of 60+ years (say, ages 15-80) is different from a test that shows if someone has cheated on you recently and misses many instances of infidelity because cheating women don't usually get pregnant by their affair partners? How much does the test cost? I think it would be wise for a man and woman to take the test together when they first enter a relationship, though it may be cost-prohib…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/23 09:43 PM
8

Accusing your partner of infidelity for no reason is of course insecure and unhealthy. That's why I said if the test was to determine if my current partner was cheating on me, I wouldn't get it. I think a test for current infidelity is much more equivalent to a paternity test, which is essentially a low-sensitivity test for infidelity occuring within the previous nine months.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/23 07:02 PM
8

This is a false equivalency though. If there was a test about whether he was cheating on me RIGHT NOW, I would absolutely not order it. That's more equivalent to a paternity test. EDIT: This answer applies to my situation right now. If I had real reason to suspect a partner was cheating, I may order it in secret. And fwiw I would advise a man to get a paternity test if he had real reason to suspect his partner was cheating. If there was a test for whether he had ever or would ever cheat, I'd pro…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/23 05:44 PM
0

"My fiancé was cheated on by his ex but he was very young at the time so I don’t really blame him for it" Wait, so if he hadn't been young, you WOULD blame him for being cheated on?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/11/23 04:58 PM
7

To be honest, I don't even know how y'all are defining "are attracted to" which is why I made sure to define my understanding of it in my answer. Of the people I see on a day-to-day basis (and there is some pre-selection there due to the places I tend to go and the area I live in), I would be happy to go on a date with about 70% of them, as long as they seemed pretty normal (and most people I chat with seem pretty normal to me). I don't walk down the street and think, "Oooooh that guy's a fox, I…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/23 12:04 AM
5

Honestly, I have no idea since I was online dating. It's very hard to come up with a percentage of men I am attracted to, including personality, when I was selecting based on an online profile. The question was about what percentage of people women are attracted to, when considering all factors, not just looks. Like I said, I obviously don't stop and have a long conversation with most of the men I see out and about, so it's hard to say how many guys on the street I'd be attracted to if I'm consi…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/23 11:43 PM
21

This is really hard to answer because I can't get an idea of whether I'm attracted to the "whole package" of a guy walking down the street, or even chatting with him at the gym or at the store. I just don't know enough about their intelligence, drive, sense of humor, values, etc. from that type of interaction. That being said, if I had to guess, when I was actively dating, I probably would be excited about a second date with 25% to 33% of the guys I went on first dates with. The number may seem …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/23 04:06 PM
12

I imagine campaigns to be the first person to reach 1,000... people just sharing the link saying "Make me the most fucked person on www.n-count.com!"
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/23 05:31 AM
11

God this would become a meme so fast. I almost hope someone creates it now.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/23 05:05 AM
16

"the accused" This language is hilarious to me, and tbh the ridiculousness of this whole thing has kinda cheered me up after a bit of an emotionally taxing evening, so thanks for that, I guess!
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/23 05:04 AM
29

I would pay zero attention to this as a woman. I'd never give money to a site like this and wouldn't date a dude who paid for this kind of thing either. Top-tier bizarro post though! 10/10, thoroughly enjoyed. EDIT: Also, do you have to pay to "make accusations" or whatever? I imagine a bunch of teenagers will claim to have slept with whoever the big celebrity is these days. Like, this whole situation is not going to be taken seriously enough by anyone to function properly. Also, can women repor…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/23 04:54 AM
7

Right? I've never understood the absolute vitriol against women over something that, if it is an "issue" at all, seems to boil down to men having low standards. That 100% seems like not-my-problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/23 02:12 PM
6

I met the absolute love of my life at 33, and I'm giddier and more idealistic with him than I've ever been before. He's not full of dents and dings... he's mature, emotionally intelligent, and self-actualized in addition to being exciting, romantic, funny, handsome, etc. I have nothing against young relationships, by the way... I think it's lovely and romantic when couples meet early and grow together through the years! It's just not the only way to have a wonderful, love-filled relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/23 12:51 AM
–

This sounds like straight-up not a fun time. 100% the weirdest thing I've read on this sub so far though so there's that.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/23 02:23 AM
16

Yep, no sample bias at all. Get this study written up and submitted to a journal!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/11/23 12:15 AM
–

I call this the "celebrity rating scale fallacy." I think people subconsciously rate celebrities on a weighted 1-10 scale. Like someone will think "Meh, Zendaya isn't that hot" because they think she's less hot than a lot of other celebrities, so they rate her a 5/10 even though she is way way way more attractive than your average non-celebrity woman. And yeah, the same thing happens with male celebrities as well!
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 06:12 PM
2

Don't get me wrong, dating was a nightmare lol I'm so so so glad to be done with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/23 02:28 PM
2

Yeah, I don't think anyone I dated intentionally led me on or "used" me, necessarily. I do think a lot of it is socialization, but I don't think it's expecting a lot to hope that someone wouldn't keep dating you just because it's convenient. Fortunately it was a pretty easy adjustment to make, and it improved my dating life quite a bit!
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/23 05:01 AM
3

I just found myself wasting too much time on guys who liked me only a little bit. When I took the initiative, things just went on too long. Something that would have fizzled after two dates if I had made the guy initiate more would drag on for a month, and something that would have fizzled after a month could go on for like four months. I know other women have had similar experiences. 🤷‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/23 04:44 AM
3

Text after a first date: "Hey I had fun today! Let me know if you want to get together again!" Boom, it's that easy. They know I'd go out with them again, but they have to take the initiative to ask/plan something. I almost exclusively dated using apps, so pre-first date I would indicate interest by being active and attentive in our text conversations.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/23 03:25 AM
3

Yes, in the context of surveys/studies, it's called selection bias. The people responding to a question don't accurately represent the group as a whole.
/r/AllPillDebate04/11/23 08:05 PM
8

And to be fair to everyone, it doesn't even have to be malicious on the guy's part! It can be especially flattering for men to be asked out because it doesn't happen that often, so they just kinda go along with it hoping they'll like the woman better eventually. My experiences led me to stop initiating early relationship steps and instead clearly state my reciprocal interest and let the guy actually do the asking.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/23 04:42 PM
3

I think of finding the right fit as LEAVING the dating pool. Cutting down the dating pool is limiting who you would even explore things with. Which is fine, and normal! But it's a cost-benefit analysis. For instance, many women want to date someone taller than them, and that cuts down the dating pool. For me personally, being taller than at least 50% of men, that requirement didn't make sense. I wasn't about to cut my options in half for something that ultimately had nothing to do with character…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/23 09:49 PM
4

Sure, everyone has the standards that are most important to them. If virginity and being young are the most important qualities to him, then, as I said, that's his prerogative. When I was thinking of the qualities of a "good fit," I was thinking more of the amorphous personality traits that make you just get along with someone... how your senses of humors, emotional needs, natural schedules, etc. line up. I didn't clarify that though, which is my bad. Being a solid match in these departments mak…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/23 08:30 PM
8

I mean, if he wants to limit his dating pool to 20 year old virgin women, that's his prerogative. It's none of my business. If one's goal is to find a lasting relationship with someone who is a great fit for you, it doesn't seem wise to limit your dating pool to that extent, but again, it's none of my business.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/23 06:39 PM
2

I don't need someone who is crazy exciting and always doing things or anything like that, and I don't need someone that shares all or most of my interests/hobbies. But no, I'm not going to date someone who I can't just have fun with or who I just don't have interesting conversations with. Fortunately, I found someone who is a loving partner, very ambitious, family oriented and compassionate who I also have a ton of fun with, so it wasn't a choice I had to make. For what it's worth, "interesting"…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/23 12:28 AM
2

I mean, ultimately that's true, yeah. And I know I can entertain myself and make my life fun on my own because I was single for a long time. But why would I want to be with someone who fundamentally bores me? Life and couplehood go through monotonous, boring phases in the best cases. No need to make life harder by picking someone who I just straight up don't have fun with.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/23 11:50 PM
2

I'm not the person you asked, but it seems like if those are qualities my partner has then they probably wouldn't be boring to me. But if they were still boring to me, I'd still break up with them. It's not fair for them to be in a relationship with someone who is constantly bored of them. "Boring" is often just a personality mismatch. I'd let them go find a person who is a better match for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/23 10:07 PM
7

Personally, I've not heard women discuss men like that, but I also haven't heard the stereotypical "locker room talk" where men discuss women crudely. I think this is gross behavior from anyone, and it doesn't seem quite fair to describe this kind of talk as a discussion of "female sexuality." So I'll say "no" to the title of the post but agree with the body of the post that this is gross.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/23 05:03 PM
2

She has a different post on her account about finding out he cheated on her.
/r/AllPillDebate31/10/23 01:59 PM
2

Where in the world did you read that or see that implied in her posts? Or are you just assuming completely because "woman bad, man good"?
/r/AllPillDebate31/10/23 01:56 PM
37

A dirty home, complaining about something incessantly but not doing anything to fix it (assuming it's somewhat in his control), being contrary for the sake of being contrary, heavy drinking
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/23 03:17 AM
1

Congrats on the sex! Yeah, since I don't know anything about you, I have no idea what realistic standards are for you personally! That's why I referred to your wider blanket statements about what most men would do. If most men wouldn't sleep with or date anything but the 16% of women with the lowesr body fat, that would suggest a generally unhelpful and/or unrealistic standard amongst men.
/r/AllPillDebate18/09/23 01:07 AM
2

A standard of 25% excludes 94% of the population and a standard of 30% excludes 84%, according to this site: https://dqydj.com/body-fat-percentage-distribution-men-women/ And yes, I know America is fat. But a body fat standard that excludes a selection of healthy people and excludes over 3/4 of the population certainly doesn't help one date. In your initial comment you indicated that you saw these as normal standards, with many men not being okay with 25% and most men not being okay with 30%. It…
/r/AllPillDebate18/09/23 12:22 AM
2

The healthy body fat percentage for women is 21-32%. I'm curious what you think about the low end of your "way too fat" category overlapping with the healthy category.
/r/AllPillDebate17/09/23 10:28 PM
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