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ultblue7 Archive

View 0 posts and 160 comments by ultblue7 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Please let this be fake...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 12:12 AM
305

Dont let anyone make you feel bad about it; “friends” included. The guys leaving are doing you a favor. I would only disclose your virginity when you feel comfortable being physical and prior to any sex in a separate conversation. This is a good time to also talk about STD testing and vaccinations. I dont like going this deep but I have alot of sympathy for you as someone who was grossly neglected when it came to sexual education and lost my virginity when I was 25 to a complete stranger after a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 06:24 PM
27

Yeah I had a flirty college friend who I liked and some other dude in our school club started acting like he owned me whenever flirty friend was around. In retrospect they were both trash but the flirty friend and others in the group made it a thing to try to push us together because they thought it was “cute.” Instead I basically ghosted him in real life lol. Even as a shy introvert at the time, it pissed me off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 02:18 PM
148

Lol this is why I was so confused when my ex said he hated living alone. I was like—isnt that the ideal situation?? I guess thats just us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 02:12 AM
35

This has been my experience dating in NYC lol it’s ridiculous. I went to SF recently and got 10x more matches and polite messages on OLD in the brief time I was there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 02:33 AM
6

My life in a nutshell. I’ve had people say they thought I didn’t have a mouth. I’ll admit at one point I was the quiet , mousy type but wow that got me basically run over. Now I quite enjoy my silence. I see it as the strength it is. People blab about their lives to me and I choose who I want to actually connect with and who to cut off or stay away from. They really tell on themselves. Recently I really needed my time for my own pursuits and it was definitely a lesson in who thought I was there …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 02:21 AM
37

Thank goodness for you! Im scared to think what would have happened to that poor girl otherwise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 11:49 PM
28

Preach!! 👏🏾
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 06:33 PM
71

Omg this. I’ve had a boss offer to sponsor breakfasts with me and a coworker when I consistently complained about his complete lack of work ethic. It was actually leading to bad situations because experiments were not being properly organized unless I constantly checked on him or did everything myself. My boss said my coworker was going through alot and I needed to understand and ask him how he’s doing. WTF. I literally told him I have my own issues and I dont bring it to work or I excuse myself…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 06:07 PM
170

One of the best things my ex did for me was ask for no contact. It was extremely difficult and I still feel somewhat broken but it taught me the harsh lesson that even people you love the most prioritize themselves before you. So you need to do it too. I never reached out again because I wanted to teach myself not to beg for someone who clearly did not want me and hold my value above anything he could possibly offer after hurting me that much. Now, I am so much better at cutting people off and g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 03:30 PM
553

My heart breaks for these women. I hope they find out of these relationships. I’ve been the one called needy and boring. Its a special type of hurt when the things you do to maintain your peace and sanity in such a crazy world gets demeaned as “boring” because a man clearly has it easier, can’t understand, and won’t understand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 09:19 PM
169

Was feeling this as well today. Spent the weekend with a good friend who has a wonderful relationship. I couldn’t help but start wishing for it myself. But when I think about the logistics I know there are alot of things I want to do on my own first—Im going back to school, planning a trip abroad, and trying to really teach myself self care/love. Is there anything you feel like you need to work on? I would focus on that or maybe new hobbies you want to try? For instance, I really let go of my lo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 05:31 PM
4

“Many men cant grasp the fact [that] you’re no longer that person.” He grasped his own definition just fine though. Lol why is he special and other men aren’t? And if he understood that women’s bodies change and so does their libido why is it an issue? Idk if Im missing a page but what does he want from women? And why isn’t the “laundry list” of reasons she doesnt want sex valid? Why is the word excuse even present here? She said no so he takes it as an “excuse” rather than a complete sentence? …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 12:45 AM
58

Yeah but im guessing he wanted to catch the rich girls living in the nearby city rather than those farther out so not gonna change his distance. Would rather just tell people not up to his ~standards~ to get off the app. Not the first time this has happened to me for some reason. Also had guys tell me to get off apps if I didnt want to hook up after I rejected them lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 06:03 PM
131

Yeah I had a guy match with me to tell me it wasnt going to work because I was too far away and why did I live so far away. I said ok bye. He kept talking until I literally unmatched him. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 04:04 PM
241

Hes bad at communicating
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 04:32 AM
7

Im really looking forward to getting where you are. 11 months post breakup for me and talking about it in therapy made me cry again today. I didn’t even know I still felt so strongly. Maybe because the event itself was particularly traumatic. I cant bring myself to get back into dating either. Either way congratulations ❤️ and Im rooting for your complete healing and progress in your self love!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 03:52 AM
34

Idk about debate but Ive had an ex completely ignore my emotions. Almost as if it were something for me to handle completely by myself. I was as good as single. Beside that he would call me needy and say it was a joke or even that my male coworkers would have handled a certain work situation better. Eta: There was this one instance where I called my ex crying about my work situation and he lectured me. We ended up saying hurtful things to one another and I apologized for even calling. Called my …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 10:06 PM
8

You said that because you care. But also next time someone comes to you, ask if they want you to listen or give advice. Regardless, if what they’re saying weighs on you and disturbs you, I’d like to suggest that you can also tell them that. That you think you’d disagree and you don’t want either of you getting upset so you’d rather forego the topic. You can set your own boundaries for your own mental peace. I’m working on this with multiple relationships in my life right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 04:00 PM
38

I have a friend with a bf she constantly pulls these mental gymnastics for. Its gotten to a point where Ive openly told her to break up and he knows I dont like him. Its always the same. Theyre fine then they fight, she comes to me, I sympathize, she goes back, they make up—rinse and repeat. I tried telling her she could have better and her response was she wasnt sure she would ever find better. I guess I should be grateful my lvm ex broke up with me rather than keep me in a similar cycle. I kno…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 08:19 PM
51

I had an ex who did both and tried to convince me to try even though I firmly said no. Now I realize these drugs meant he was largely dissociating and not able to handle his emotions or communicate. He had some trauma in the past as well. I don’t hold it against him because people deal with the hard stuff in life differently and I myself have struggled with depression. However, I believe these are childish methods of escape compared to the hard work everyone needs to do to keep themselves physic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 02:14 PM
66

I think what scares me is how normalized this is becoming. I almost went down this path and most likely would have retraumatized myself if I hadn’t found FDS. I was given no sex education growing up and turned to porn when I was desperate to be liked. It always left me feeling disgusted. When I went to friends and family, very few even wanted to broach the topic. Out of frustration and trauma I had a one night stand and almost a mental break. Then I had a relationship with a kink positive man an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 02:26 AM
22

Commenting to bump this for views. I did not know this so thank you for clarifying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 01:30 AM
3

Unfortunately im just starting my phd 🥲
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 12:39 AM
24

Needed to see this today ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 02:06 AM
22

Yup; I work in academia and newer grad students are like 80-90% women but theyre not getting the powerful academic tenured positions because theyre all filled with men like 100 years old. The system is so broken and people end up in postdocs until they’re older and end up questioning the lack of quality of life. Edit: just wanted to add that this leads to predatory situations like the recent scandals at MIT and Harvard. Male professors preying on younger female students and then blaming them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 01:08 AM
17

I agree with this. It was mindblowing when I discovered it on youtube after a bad breakup where I had a hard time letting someone go. Recommend this channel for those interested (disclaimer: she is not a psychologist or psychiatrist but I think she explains things well). https://youtu.be/Dp-EpJdPLN4
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 04:20 PM
369

I had this convo with my younger male coworkers but they just laughed and said they treat it as a game and just see what they get. In my eyes, I just feel bad for them honestly. Having a genuine connection with someone is so rewarding and making a woman feel wanted is literally the bare minimum and they don’t seem to understand/be willing to take my advice. I was very honest with them about the reasons I now expect dinners for first dates and their response is to exclaim how expensive it is when…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 04:27 PM
94

I agree that this is so important and wish I had trusted my gut more in my last relationship. I remember feeling off when we first got together and feeling something in me shatter a week before my breakup. My body knew he wasnt the one even as I struggled to make it work. Ill never forget looking at him as he was on his phone ignoring me and having a tiny voice in my head say, “this is not the man you will marry.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/22 04:13 PM
8

This is sooo trueee. I literally had to make myself a whole new playlist because pretty much 99% of songs I encounter are love songs and it irritated me so much. I dont want to listen to songs about being ok with fuckboys, casual sex, or toxic codependence but it seems to be the norm. It got to the point where I stopped listening to music for a while and just played podcasts. Now I’ve found some great artists like Tyla Jane and Little Simz, thankfully.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 07:48 PM
36

The last quote was particularly powerful to me. I have realized my family conditioned me to love people past abuse. Its why I am having such a hard time letting go of my ex who left so many months ago. Im used to people closest to me leaving me alone physically and emotionally and still saying they love me like no one else....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 01:18 AM
60

“You’re more mature than other girls our age.” Said by my same-aged ex who insisted he preferred much older women and said this to indicate that I was somehow special because I was more mature than other 27 year olds. Still unpacking this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 01:14 AM
103

I think the scary thing to me is men like this are not necessarily unsuccessful. Theres tons in my city with high powered, well paying jobs and they make dating their hobby. They hide behind the “demand” of their jobs to gaslight women into thinking they arent also spending tons of time entertaining other women. Im talking doctors and guys earning over 100k who seem to have their head on straight and will act romantically. Hence why Im focusing on myself right now and trying to readjust how I ev…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 03:24 PM
112

Yep I get so much more attention when I wear makeup and dresses but it isnt good attention tbh. And definitely not what I want to be attracting at work. It makes me sad though because I love to see other women dressed up but feel like I dont feel safe enough to do it myself. Also means I havent really developed how to properly do make up even though I see it as a wonderful art and method of expressing yourself. I definitely need to build confidence in that realm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 04:30 AM
1

Thank you so much!!! 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 08:49 PM
83

I’m sorry you had to feel that way! Its not ok and it’s completely normal to feel attached after sex. I know for a fact I am similar and operate accordingly even though I am also in a big city (NYC). Maybe others are different but she shouldn’t have downplayed what you know about yourself. As for her brother, you really never know people fully so I would keep this knowledge as a note to yourself that he may not be all he seems. Edit: Id just like to add that it cracks me up when people say “sepa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 04:36 PM
168

I seriously thought that comment came from a man when I first saw the title lol. Its fine to have her beliefs but in no way is it ok for her to impress them on you. Especially about something as delicate as sex. Is she going to help you pick up the pieces if you rush into things and get assaulted or traumatized? Or is she going to further hurt you by telling you to get over it and get back out there with no concern for your mental or physical wellbeing? I always find comments like this particula…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 04:25 PM
119

I have male friends from work but most of them have significant others and I make it a point to be friends with their significant others as well. I do not take their side over their significant others either which has required some brutal honesty on my part (as in “no I will not take your side or be your emotional support animal—go work it out with her”). I try to be as straightforward as possible and rarely hang out with them one on one anymore. I am upfront that I support women more than I wou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 01:14 AM
16

Aw man I was really confused when I saw this post. Damn I really looked up to him. Thankfully I got more into Tom Bilyeu and Impact Theory which led me to his wife, Lisa. Ive seen discussions of their content before here but I personally love it and highly recommend it! Lol I sound like an ad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 01:53 PM
177

I once met a dude for a 30 minute date that was more like 20 minutes because he creeped me out. I had a friend call me and said I had to leave. She met up with me later and he started calling me like crazy and texting me. He was concerned whether I had actually met my friend and whether I was drinking. He wanted me home safe. I had to tell him to never call me again and blocked him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 04:09 AM
12

I was not denying that there are factors that people face. I myself am a first generation immigrant POC woman in debt from my own education. Im saying education should be pursued, in my opinion. I also did not say it is something everyone should do as if I have the ability to define what a society as a whole should do. I simply mentioned that it was particularly impactful to me that a young woman was framing education as solely exploitive. Once again, in my opinion, education is a good thing and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 03:21 AM
89

Whats most scary to me about this is that education is being touted as something impossible. Im not saying its her fault but to hear a young woman frame any opportunity for education as exploitive rather than a method of furthering and improving yourself disturbs me. Yes an education is expensive. Yes, the US does not make it easy. But I wonder why people dont see that as motivation to learn more? She says she read books about starting a business and is investing—where did she learn all of that?…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 10:00 PM
484

Yeah no tried that. Chased my ex and begged him for a relationship. Gave him everything and tried so hard to fit to every part of his lifestyle. Left my pride in the dirt begging him for attention and tried CoMunICatInG. That got me dumped like a stranger on the street and probably cheated on. Never again. There is no reward for chasing a man except utter humiliation and mental anguish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 05:19 PM
48

🤣🤣🤣 Facts!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 05:17 PM
17

I think the crazy thing is that this IS the norm we are NOT shown in our highly media controlled society. We’re constantly told how to act and how to be to get some form of reward and acceptance in a man. This phenomenon is cross cultural and worldwide. Idk why I get to be one of the lucky ones that learned from my first breakup and found FDS but Im so grateful I am. Rather than depressing, I see those stories as women who have not yet found their strength and a warning to me to be vigilant. Bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:53 PM
153

Lmao yes. I have a friend in the same field of work as me. He recently told me how he decided to end his relationship with his long distance girlfriend within a day. And this man “dates for marriage.” I was so shocked but I held it in to figure out more and, yup, already had his sights and been crushing on another girl 🤡. I feel so bad for his gf honestly because shes beautiful, crazy successful, and kind but honestly I think its a good thing he lost her. She can do way better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:43 PM
4

This was my ex’s best friend to a T. And he admired him for it. I got immediate creeped out vibes from this person. Should’ve seen that red flag but at least now I know. He barely knew me but asked me questions like when I want to get married and how I should be asking for fancy dinners because my ex had a good job as if thats all I could possibly ever want 🙄.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:31 PM
65

Whats scary to me is in a past relationship my bf actually wanted me to quit my job and go traveling with him for a prolonged period of time to one of these regions. I was excited about it too. I was too naive but there were some alarm bells going off from our conversations about it. Traveling to remote regions. Not having a clear plan and depending on him. Only saving up a certain amount without clear discussion. When I expressed my apprehension he said if we fought, I could always fly home by …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 06:58 AM
13

Lmao I love this so much 🤣. I too love a lazy day in. Take a nice shower. Drink my green juice while I make breakfast. Paint my nails. Read a book and maybe bug my cat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/22 10:28 PM
253

Lol I had one asshole tell me I “shouldn’t work so hard” and then ghost me after discussing an experiment I was working on during a Friday afternoon. Not someone I was romantically interested in, but Ive also had people in my work environment tell me I needed to get a boyfriend instead of working so hard. I understand I am somewhat of a workaholic but that shit just made me furious. Like a boyfriend was going to open the doors to a healthy lifestyle lmao.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 04:16 AM
2

Just to update all of you lovely people—I have a week before I hear back from this week’s interviews but I already found out about my first acceptance!!! Officially going to be a PhD student in the fall! Thank you for all of your well wishes!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 10:37 PM
16

Thank you...I struggle alot with this as someone who was raised to subvert my own needs with those of the people around me. Especially emotionally. Its also hard because I tend to overthink alot. Once I get in my head its very hard to get out. What I realized was I would not give myself time to really analyze what was happening and what I was choosing so it was increasing my anxiety ten-fold. I was becoming critical and picking fights about small things and then judging myself for it. I finally …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 05:25 PM
8

🚩
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 04:26 PM
44

Yeah I will admit Ive been a fan of peterson before because of his lecture series on purpose and life lessons. Even read 12 rules for life and listened to his podcast with his daughter. Its a tricky thing because on one hand he clearly had experience and oratory skills that I admire. On the other, he is so defined by his experience as a male he somewhat loses himself in the perspective. I don’t throw out all of his lessons but his discussion of women is where I drawn firm lines. Women are not al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 04:26 AM
16

Same girl same. Went through a traumatic breakup last year, found FDS, and just got my first grad school acceptance on Friday. Not even thinking about men anymore. Well maybe for fun lol but not even going on dates. It was a tough process and I feel incredibly validated while also impressed at my ability to hold my boundaries when it comes to something I want. Cheers to leveling up! 🥂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 01:14 AM
39

Exactly. Now its a 🚩 for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 09:21 PM
64

This. And it took her literally calling him out on his comment about wanting a girl who can ride on his shoulders at a festival (aka skinny and tiny) for him to admit that it was a reflection of his own body image issues. I’m also disturbed at her willingness to build this man and listen to his bullshit. And let’s not even start on how there was no blindness involved for her since her name is literally so brown every dude knew from the get go she was Indian and probably made their own assumption…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 08:00 PM
251

Has anyone been watching Love is Blind Season 2?—This reminded me of the one brown dude who kept harping on about only dating white girls and giving the brown girl hes dating a chance even though “he’s not sexually attracted to her.” I almost threw my laptop out a window at the portrayal of this relationship. Finally hoped for some brown representation and this is the shit I get.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 04:14 PM
18

Yeah its especially ironic when they bitch about it being commercial but celebrate every other commercial holiday. Like I thought you were against capitalism 🙄; why are we discussing what you can buy for your homeboy’s bday? What to get your parents for Christmas?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 06:41 AM
79

This. I have a younger female friend who constantly compares her relationship to these kinda of videos. I keep telling her to stop looking to other people to find what makes you happy. Look at your own relationship and whether or not it’s fulfilling you. I know its difficult when you’re in it but I can see that she just wants an excuse so she doesnt have to verbalize what is actually making her uncomfortable and then realize its possibly a dealbreaker. Its easier to show him a TikTok and say, “w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 04:04 PM
31

This reminds me of the gross feeling I would get everytime my ex would “accidentally” let me see how much money was in his bank account or talk about how much he made...Like it isnt my money; I will never care how much you have. All I care about is you can take care of yourself. He would constantly talk about wanting to appear rich. Huge sign of insecurity in my eyes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 03:31 AM
29

Whats horrifying is a female friend once told me to try this with an ex-bf...glad I never got around to suggesting it wtf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 03:23 AM
67

This honestly makes me so sad because I grew up with no sexual education. To this day, I have no support network to talk to about these things. I went from being completely celibate to hookups and being in a “kinky” relationship where there were bdsm elements with no explanation or discussion about my limits or wants. I was also shamed for not knowing my wants. Im still sorting through that damage. Telling people that they essentially have to try and find out and not have boundaries because peop…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 11:38 PM
35

Feeel this on so many levels as a brown girl. I grew up in the US with similar influences—I had this clash of my parents not wanting me to assimilate while also imposing these standards on me. Its absolutely wild how insecure and depressed non-acceptance from my parents and my peers made me. I still struggle a lot with being confident and heard. I remember classmates talking about whitening creams and one of my friends that got married recently had photographers automatically altering her weddin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 04:36 PM
22

Omg this was such an amazing read; my brain is so happy right now. Thank you for such a thorough analysis and for the introduction to Edith Wharton!! I only heard of Ethan Frome before this and had a bad impression of it but your analysis makes me look at it in a completely different light. spoilers ahead I guess in this case we could see Ethan as a LVM who desires his wife’s cousin even as his wife is sick and ailing. She, Zeena, even extended a welcome to her cousin, Mattie, even though she ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 04:26 AM
61

It may seem harmless now, but someone like this will actively neg you when you start forming other healthy relationships. I have a similar friend who has developed from lacking these boundaries to letting society tell her what to do with her life and to then project that on me and other friends. She will talk shit to me about other friends while they are simply leveling up. Really toxic shit like “oh I guess Friend B is happy but her husband isnt that good looking, right?” It’s a matter of time …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 08:19 AM
139

I think this is why its also very important to choose who you spend the most time with. If you surround yourself with people who do not see the value in how you achieve things for yourself it is likely they will downplay your success to feel less bothered. You will not have people to celebrate with and share your achievements. You will be surrounded by a society that does not share your values and makes you seem ostracized and empty for not keeping up in the same way. Idk maybe I’m just projecti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 03:11 AM
40

I think you’re also leaving out the very important factor of location. Sometimes you’re just in a shit area. I grew up in a very poor immigrant neighborhood with largely the same outcome. Although OLD is generally horrible it really opened my eyes to the fact that location is a huge factor. When I stayed at friends’ places in more metropolitan areas, it’s a completely different story. I get better looking and more successful matches without fail. And that’s just the men on OLD. Regardless, you r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 04:18 PM
7

Omg I will thank you so much ❤️❤️☺️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 04:15 AM
5

Thank you 🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 04:15 AM
94

As someone from a similar cultural heritage, I’m sorry he wasn’t up front with you and truthful about the situation to begin with. Although my family’s culture is a little different, there is still very much a few expectations that they try to preserve. First is to respect elders, second is to marry within race and religion, third is probably to never divorce. As you can see, a lot of what he said is directly conflicting with these three things. I’m sorry to hear he kept leading you on with the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 04:13 AM
96

I have interviews for PhD programs the next day so I will be celebrating by working on 🌟manifesting🌟an acceptance!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 03:48 AM
34

This. Saying its not their thing then lavishing family and friends with gifts. Such a huge red flag I will continue to look out for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 09:50 PM
53

Yep. After a whole episode of me being excited for Valentines day and him saying he doesnt really celebrate it he finally agreed to meet up and basically gave me a random gift that didnt suit me at all. I was so happy to just get something. Then he took me to a restaurant that some past coworker of his told him to bring “semi-special” girls to (my ex literally said this). At the time, I was just so so happy for the bare minimum. I had cancelled my Valentine’s day gift but that day I reordered it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 08:22 PM
11

Its kind of scary how I’ve seen both of these movies as a very young child and dont even remember these. Its like I just absorbed it into my subconscious. Its the same with Disney movies. Absolutely breaks my heart to say but they project such unhealthy savior complexes that falsely represent men as guardians and caretakers. I still love them for their art and songs but its really made me take a step back and reanalyze what I consume.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 08:11 PM
10

Lol same. I worked in a small clinic for like 6 months and was harassed almost every day. Old men in different exam rooms from their wives asking if I wanted a strip tease or saying they were probably the best part of my day....the audacity....And telling my doctor bosses only to have them say just ignore the old fellas they don’t mean any harm 🙃. The only time the female doc protected me was from a clearly deranged patient who started undressing for his physical while I was still in the room wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 08:08 PM
25

Whats even crazier is I have a friend who seemingly enjoys it. Like yeah hes so dumb and I’m so smart and have the power in the relationship 🤦🏾‍♀️.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 06:46 AM
54

This is good to know. Lol then why are they blaming the prime minister??? And why is she going along with it?? Its a shitty situation but wow. Just hold your partner responsible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 06:44 AM
308

Ooo you worded this so well. It also rubs me the wrong way although I could never really articulate why. I think, for me, its a blatant sign of their lack of understanding of their privilege as men to travel without any forethought (and maybe expect you to do the same) and the support they have that they are NOT crediting (like the rich family as you mentioned). Even if they are well off it means this is not the risk they are painting it to be. Like its not risky or adventurous or edgy for a ric…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 05:10 AM
30

As an ethnically south asian woman with Caribbean heritage (big thanks to the brits for making my background confusing as fuck because indentured servitude) I am almost completely done with consuming TV and media in general. Growing up in the US, everything is white centered and has affected my experience as a minority child and now woman by basically erasing my existence. I have to assimilate while also dealing with constant comments about my otherness because people have no idea how to deal wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 06:23 PM
5

Lmao this was amazing. Add to this the fact that I work in a lab around -80 and -20 refrigerators that hold most of my samples and Im basically wearing sweaters all year round.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/22 04:08 AM
95

Yeah I feel like I’ve repeated this is perpetuity but my first breakup happened last year and Im still working through that day. Being told he essentially wanted nothing to do with me after taking me on a trip. I knew we had issues and asked to talk. Maybe that was my mistake, setting the place for him. He sat there at dinner largely quiet and getting frustrated. I tried to ask why. Only when we walked out of the restaurant did he turn on me and coldly say he was done. I could ask him to coffee …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 03:37 PM
20

Me three. Got the same stupid “it’s a capitalist holiday” excuse. Except he would celebrate Christmas with his family and buy them and his friends elaborate gifts even though he was an atheist. I feel so stupid looking back now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/22 05:10 PM
174

Glad she got out because most of the women I know are just getting started. I was not much better. Dating literally conditioned me to be a therapist-lite to men. Hear them out and support their opinion. Lay there with them and comfort them. Until I lost myself and was bored with my own existence. Its crazy how much I was conditioned to do it anyway for validation. I still dont know how healthy relationships function. I have no examples beyond what I see recommended here. Every woman I know “comp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 11:23 PM
39

Ditto I laughed hard when I read this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 10:55 PM
16

This...I made it about myself and thought I was too triggered or overreacting but the scary thing is these behaviors would only come out when we were alone. He would fling his hands up in frustration and immediately stop if someone else could see us. He freaked out over something insignificant when I reminded him about it and started hitting the steering wheel of the car we were in. Crumpled up tickets and threw them at me “accidentally.” It was like some switch just flipped and sometimes he was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 03:35 PM
25

Thank you ❤️. Hopeful to know this community exists and there are friends who wouldn’t push women to this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 04:01 AM
92

Haha I actually never thought of that. Hopefully not. Glad I never even went that far. Hahaha but the thought is really something 🤣🤣🤣🤣.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 03:39 AM
390

I’m allergic to coffee dates after my ex broke up with me and suggested if I wanted to know why, I could ask him out for “consolation coffee.” The very definition of disinterest and low effort. And yes, he’s blocked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 03:28 AM
97

I was this woman. Broken and scrolling on Tinder. Luckily all it took was one dude treating me like shit before even meeting me for me to snap out of it. Currently isolating myself from all the people who suggested it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 01:57 AM
8

Yeah Ive had my own mother cry in front of me when I said I dont think I want kids. Been saying it for over a decade now and she still tells me its just because I havent met the right man (I barely date lol) and how Im doing myself a disservice. This is all also ignoring the physical (“discipline”) and emotional abuse my family has put me through and I have decided ends with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 07:56 PM
10

Yes I think its also interesting to sometimes listen to hear the logic. I work in a very male dominated field and have picked up some male friends along the way. Some have made passes at me at some point in time that I immediately shut down, others we simply recognized that we were way too different and there was no chance of anything developing, and the third group have significant others who I usually become besties with and end up liking more than the male friend lol. Its been incredibly inte…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 07:00 PM
40

Wow what a literal queen
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 04:48 PM
51

Is anyone else wondering if by “own a condo” he actually has a mortgage? He didnt specify whether it was paid off
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 04:35 PM
15

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 exactly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/22 04:33 PM
31

Just spoke with a friend (SA woman married to a SA man) where she verbatim said everything you listed above. I plainly told her she knew him before and knew he was like this; what is her plan? She is convinced she can change him 🙃. I was speechless. They just got married and she thinks she can change a whole ass man with literal decades of being pampered and getting high on the weekends. Shes also recommended I join the marriage apps (im west indian/Caribbean) and I simply laughed. Not for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 06:01 PM
3

Thank you-I feel like it was more subconscious shutting down due to constantly putting myself into the presence of someone that was triggering me. He actually ended it but looking back has been so enlightening in seeing the way my body was trying to protect me. I have made the conscious choice to not contact him ever again which I am proud of. Congratulations on being a parent ❤️ and much respect to you for working on that for your children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 05:27 PM
5

Can I ask what are some indicators for you? Quite honestly, I don’t know what to look for and I’m not putting myself out there until I build tools to protect myself. My ex moved very fast to asking me out and was very gentlemanly during our first date, apart from a surprise kiss at the end. I guess one thing that should have been a red flag was him not really getting to know me beforehand which I chalked up to just wanting to check in person chemistry.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 05:22 PM
43

This was so sad to read and to know that such a powerful writer with such potential was failed on so many levels. Im glad to experience her art but angry for her. I felt her conflicting feelings and saw my own youth in it. Society fails women on so many levels. And for what? When did these people begin to think it was ok to offer up actual humans needing guidance and protection in this early and significant point in their lives for...performances? For insecure meaningless men? I don’t think I ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 05:17 PM
30

This. My ex was red in the face with anger while he broke up with me and my brain and body was so conflicted. Like who are you? I simultaneously felt fear, the need to comfort him, sadness, anger, betrayal, and love. I don’t know how to trust anyone anymore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 03:59 PM
28

This was a very tricky thing I had to deal with in my last relationship because I grew up being physically disciplined and screamed at on the regular. It was like any other day. My adapted response also made me more likely to freeze or fawn and try to make things work because it’s literally what I STILL DO with my family. My ex was never physically violent (outside of “kinky” sex...whole other thing to unpack) but towards the end he showed small instances of loss of control. And I froze. I froze…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 03:46 PM
222

My ex had sex with me a week before he dumped me like a stranger on a sidewalk. Looking back, I can see the dwindling of his responses and attention from his texts and it makes me sick to think this man consistently slept with me while probably having lost his attraction and resenting me. After the pain of that realization, no one will get near me without the absolute utmost vetting and time it takes for me to know they are committed to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/22 05:19 AM
416

THIS. I literally had a previous male coworker tell me that girls become women when they have children 🤢.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 07:31 PM
232

Lmao wtf reminds me why I deleted tinder a while ago and will never use it again. Some dumbass pressed me for my number and then when I said no felt the need to tell me I was on the wrong app and to get off tinder. Like dude calm down lmao I didnt know you were an honorary tinder spokesperson 🙄🥱🤬. They keep showing me how the bar can be even lower.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 04:54 AM
9

Omg thats amazinggggg. I live in a pretty big city and its possible to never see the same person twice aka barely any community so something like that would be so useful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 02:58 AM
50

This is why I wish there was some database where we could collectively share information on the shit we’ve been through with certain men...its so sad to think of someone else getting hurt the same way I did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 08:48 PM
6

This reminds me of my ex dumping me as I told him I was interviewing at a world renowned company. Didnt end up taking the offer in favor of applying to PhD programs but he will never know that. In the past, he had said he was scared I would get a job and move away...except he was interviewing for jobs across the country, asking me to maybe move with him, and future faking me with promises of marriage and traveling together. So he could look for what he wanted but the minute something materialize…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 06:07 AM
11

“shred of a shit” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 11:36 PM
106

Not proud to say alot of this was me in my last relationship. Although I was very hurt by it; Im grateful that the breakup lead me here and to a greater awareness of myself and my beliefs. Currently working on leveling up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 10:21 PM
36

Lol reminds me when I went to the ER for chest pain and a nurse in the waiting room said “you’re fine.” I was having a full blown panic attack and didnt know what it was. Literally shaking and hyperventilating. The disregard is real. Also reminds me of when my dad was in the hospital for diverticulitis and it burst (aka his intestines ruptured) and I had to flip out at the doctors who were too busy laughing at his ethnic sounding name and not taking my pleas for help seriously. They finally repr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 04:04 AM
182

1000 % feel this. Im pretty savage about protection though so I would never even consider sleeping with someone gave me any pushback about protection. I upfront ask about STDs as well. Special note—unprotected oral sex is a risk. Always ask and see proof and show your own. Get tested after as well for yourself not for him. I was definitely frustrated in my last relationship when I verbalized having side effects from pills (I tried three different brands due to changes in availability from my pha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 04:16 PM
59

Yep; I havent been able to share FDS as much as I want. Everytime I try to explain a perspective that would let me move into FDS and explain how much it helps me, I get pushback from the beginning. It makes me sad but at the same time I hope and believe they will come to the same conclusions eventually. I’m too preoccupied making sure I follow the principles and work on myself right now anyway 😂.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 03:38 AM
12

Ugh this is so true and honestly its so scary how casually the boundaries of women are crossed in dating and told its “romantic”. Twice Ive been on dates where men forced a kiss on me before I knew what was happening. I’ve also had my hand held and my back touched. And a couple of times I was drunk and narrowly missed worse. Its seriously triggering for me now but its so disheartening to think about how naive I used to be and how the majority of women younger than me will probably go through the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 02:43 AM
7

Haha I thought I had this with my ex and played myself. He fit everything I try thought I wanted in a man and showed me just how shallow my societal-based values were. I now think humans are way too complex for that feeling to be reliable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/22 01:06 AM
29

Yep. My grandmother got married when she was 16 to my grandfather who was 27. She always regretted not being able to get an education—she was taken out of school at the equivalent of 4th grade in the US as compared to her country. Its another reason why I cannot communicate my issues with older females in my family; they simply cannot understand—not through any fault of their own. This is also why I particularly value FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 04:36 PM
15

Im so glad to hear your strength and know you won your battle. I appreciate your success story. I was blindsided with a breakup last June 2021. While everyone celebrated NYE this past weekend, I cried another countless time to realize it had been 8 months since my first breakup. Im from a pretty conservative family where people dated to marry. So no one understood the pain I was going through. I slept next to this man at least once a week for over a year. He was everything I wanted until he wasn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 01:09 PM
1

This. I learned the hard way growing up and taking the subway alone as a teenager. Never engage/make eye contact, stay far away, observe your surroundings (e.g. train cars before you get on), and dont show fear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 03:53 AM
20

I also work in a male dominated field. You have to learn to protect your space and handle interactions like this. Best case scenario, its cultural, and worst case, someone is pushing your boundaries to test and groom you for something far worse. I’m not being dramatic. It has happened to me and other women I personally know. Examples: I had a foreign coworker who was a little too huggy and would even sometimes touch my ears because he thought it was funny. I told him in no uncertain terms that h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 12:32 AM
13

I would definitely try a phone call/facetime next time because the peaks are going to keep increasing according to preliminary data (my data is for NYC). I actually think its a good idea to postpone so kudos to you both—I had a potential date tell me he was doing a group activity right before we would meet and I canceled. Shows a lack of awareness for how bad things are getting right now (hospitalizations are waaayyy up). I would also wait for him to contact—5 days is not a long time for medical…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/22 04:25 PM
3

I needed to read this. The holidays have been dragging me back through memories of my ex and I almost wanted to text him. I don’t have much of a female support system so reading the experiences here teach me alot. This was the nail in the coffin I needed today...I knew something was off the last day I saw him. And how easy it was for him. He also blocked me everywhere right after. He prob had someone lined up. I feel like such a fool. Im so scared to date again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 01:49 AM
24

Fantastic read! It actually inspires me to hear of this attitude from successful women. I am very lucky to have a mother who was a breadwinner but at home she sacrificed everything for me and my siblings. She has been my number one role model while also being a warning of what life can be. Im am so grateful to be part of a generation of women who can hold their partners and careers to a higher standard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 02:14 AM
89

I still remember being a high school student and having a college student approach me when I was alone during a summer program. I was cornered and called a cold bitch for refusing his advances for the umpteenth time and decided then and there to make it my MO. I know its not always safe but after all these years of the male gaze mostly leading to me and other women being unsafe, Im pretty sure I’ve developed resting bitch face and anger issues that I no longer care to hide. I am loud and vocal a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 11:12 PM
12

I have a male friend who was very similar and it frustrated me to no end. The thing that really irks me about men like this is they do have opinions and feelings—they’re just not telling you and thinking of themselves as a “good” guy for keeping the peace. BUT their feelings still mount and they will voice them to other people or blow up at you eventually. To me its a sign of a man who hasnt learned to handle his emotions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 10:00 PM
9

Yeah Ive been single most of my life so I get this shit alot. Ive also talked to male friends who don’t understand my ability to exist without companionship. Thankfully, my most recent relationship really squeezed the last of my tolerance for this bullshit advice out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 09:58 PM
88

Omg say it louder for the people in the back!! Can confirm I was one of the “lucky” girls that got a fwb to eventually commit to me and many of my friends thought it was such a wonderful thing. Can confirm it 100% IS NOT. You WILL spend the entire relationship second guessing his decision and your self worth. And after all of that he broke up with me and never talked to me again so what I was afraid of happened anyway. Let them go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 09:49 PM
1

Thank you! And true haha most of my colleagues are in relationships with other scientists and some couples even work together both in academia and industry. After some previous experiences, I have a personal policy against relationships with immediate colleagues so it would also be harder in a smaller workplace for me. Hopefully, we get a silver bullet for Covid so we can have in person events and colleagues so I can take advantage of what you mentioned :) or even just go on dates lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 05:06 PM
23

Serious props to you!! I had a similar income difference with my ex as well and he was similarly looking to stack cash and retire early. I now accept that we were probably incompatible from the start for this reason. Can I ask how you made the jump? I’m in the sciences and even with the dismal stipends, I’m in the application cycle for Fall 2022 PhD enrollment. This could mean 5 years of making suboptimal wage and living/breathing my work. Its required me to take a long hard look at my values an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 01:53 AM
55

🎉🎉🎉🎉 congrats to you and enjoy the fruits of your labor!! I hope to reach there someday!! Considering taking a long break from dating because I know when you have the bag secured it really does make a difference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 01:09 AM
18

Planned a family vacay against my better judgement lol but the Florida weather is great! Plan on treating myself when Im back home in NYC to some solo adventures in the holiday markets 😊.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 09:39 PM
2

Turning 30 in a couple months and samesies 🤷🏽‍♀️; better late than never I guess 😂. Feelin free and so comfortable in myself for once.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 07:29 PM
12

My family are a small group of immigrants and we’ve gotten spread across the east coast so I think I can comment on this. I’m still figuring it out but this is something Im currently working on in therapy after a previous therapist told me: Because you don’t have a great support network, things in life will hit you harder than most. I refuse to accept that and its motivated me to reevaluate just how Ive been living. Ive poured my blood, sweat, and tears into building my profession so any man ask…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 12:27 AM
62

Yes...and Im not proud of how far I went. It was a horrible combination of it being my first relationship, not knowing how to advocate for my needs, and having a partner that was much more experienced than I was. My ex knew what he wanted and I wanted to please because I loved him and thought this was what relationships were like. Didn’t help that I didn’t have anyone I felt comfortable talking to about what was happening in the bedroom. I still don’t. All I know is that at some point my mind an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 03:29 PM
26

This really struck a chord for me. Just remembering the way he pushed my arm away and spoke to me resentfully during the breakup after months of me trying to get him to talk to me. The flashes of anger even though I could never quite put my finger on what it was at the time and he never did it while others were around. Throwing his hands up in annoyance. Anger at seemingly little things. Negging me about how I ate. Comparing me to my male coworkers. I don’t know why he didn’t just end it sooner.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 10:35 PM
16

This is so beautiful <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 02:03 AM
20

I dont know whether he ever cheated but some things my ex did definitely made me pause and think. I would question it now. We started off as fwbs (I know); and during that time he had a very strict cut off for when I should leave in the morning. Like almost a demeanor that would come over him as he emotionally closed himself off. I 100% will never date another man capable of that. He would also openly ogle other women in front of me at this stage. Once we began to exclusively date; I notice he w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 03:35 AM
22

Really wish I had found this community before my last relationship...he left seemingly happier and healthier and I am still processing the pain 6 months later. I gained nothing from the relationship. I used to tell myself that him taking me traveling was a gain but in reality it was always where he wanted to go and on his terms. He started, ended, and acted out the relationship however was convenient for him and I was stupid enough to believe I was building something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 10:36 PM
89

Lmao Im glad its not just me. I’ve never been one to party but now I especially feel like an alien when Im at family events or try to socialize outside of my profession. Everyone just wants to talk bullshit about others or ask why im not married yet. I thought I was just awkward af but then I found people willing to do things other than drink the night away and wait for someone to do something stupid. I dont have many friends and sometimes I get lonely but I much prefer in depth discussion and t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:21 PM
144

Hot girl bummer by Blackbear. Its actually a jam but also sadboi. Edit: also Do re mi by the same artist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 05:18 AM
12

So triggered by this lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 06:07 AM
28

Omg this! It clicked for me as I read your comment. I always thought maybe I was just culturally disconnected from American media but I think your observation of it being male led fits better actually 🤔.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 03:39 AM
19

I luckily had the myth of a man taking care of me shattered early on even with all the media influence (Disney, romance books, romance tv shows, etc) because my mother was always the (reluctant 😂) breadwinner but this makes me wonder if I have started to adopt male strategies to success in order to fit myself into their narratives of the special lone wolf protagonist that these books and media promote. Im almost 30 and I feel such a division between what I value (relationships) and what is appar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 03:37 AM
23

Sorry you’re dealing with this and about those traumatic experiences. In addition to the great things others have posted, can I ask if you’re taking birth control? In my limited experience with it, my libido started tanking as well and its known to induce depressive symptoms. Im not really sure what a solution would be; just want to call your awareness to it if you are taking it. I don’t mean to discredit your past experiences either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 12:27 AM
6

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mujhse_Dosti_Karoge!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 02:20 AM
58

The funniest thing is theres a Bollywood movie with this exact trope except the “ugly” girl is super attractive too. Like he cant not win. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/21 07:25 PM
2

Thank you 😊🥰
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 10:55 PM
23

Fellow lonely FDSer here. Been thinking alot about this and I also know my career choice/ dreams are not dating friendly. Also have my mom throwing hints to me and my siblings about dating and “meeting the one.” Hurts even more since I recently went through a breakup and she basically said get over it and I went about it the wrong way....Ive just sort of been trying to make sure I’m ok. I would say take this time to learn about yourself. Journal and learn about what you like and what you want to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 10:30 PM
46

Second this...I work in academic research and I dont have an advanced degree yet but the insecurity I encounter is really something. My ex specifically wouldnt even want to hear about my research or he would downplay it by suggesting I move into more admin roles where I could make more money but was clearly not my specific interest as I hugely enjoy basic science. Or I’ve had it sexualized 🤢 where dudes go: talk nerdy to me 🥴
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 05:53 AM
73

Oh boy here we go. “Make sure the man that proposes to you doesnt buy you a costume jewelry ring instead of a real one.” “I’d like to have ‘fit’ sex” (implying I was unfit which I am not super toned but I am a healthy weight plus I was on birth control and had verbalized feeling unwell and was gaining weight because of it) “You might actually be smarter than me” (As if that was somehow astonishing; he also basically didnt want to listen to stuff about work which made me share less. Made me feel …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 05:44 AM
11

I second this. I for one am a huge supporter of therapy for everyone as OP also said BUT I learned the hard way that sometimes if someone is dealing with something particularly traumatic its best not to engage in a relationship. In particular, one of my exes presented as high value but as I got closer to him I saw more of his coping strategies (e.g. excessive weed use, porn, and some drug use). I didnt listen to my alarm bells and eventually when a particular communication issue came up; he told…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 06:48 PM
4

Yeah my ex told me I just needed to communicate my needs only to be later put off by my efforts to do exactly that. Even jokingly got called needy and then lied to right before the breakup. Its basically show me your cards so I can see how to play you. Not sure what else to do though besides walk away at the first sign of it. Edit: I would also notice my ex tense up every time I wanted to talk—I should have recognized it as his willingness to run.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 03:38 AM
61

This is so accurate. My ex had a similar behavior pattern except I had sex very quickly with him and it was all downhill from there. In retrospect, I can see that he love bombed and pushed my boundaries to quickly reach intimacy and I was inexperienced enough to believe it. I had such a hard time letting him go after that and now I’ll stick to the no sex unless its a relationship rule. But I will add that even when I set that boundary he played along so even that is a tricky rule. We were in an …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 12:23 AM
10

Omg this: Women are the product and we’re not fairly compensated nor protected. 🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 11:31 PM
25

This—I get made fun of for being a “mom” to my friends when we go out but I give no shits and will help any woman that asks. I have seen, heard, and experienced enough at 29 to not trust men anymore. Doesn’t mean I cant love them; but they have to earn that and my trust first. I met my ex through OLD and gave him everything and was left with nothing and no connection to him. It was so easy for him to cut me out of his life because of the strategies he used and I didn’t understand. I will never a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 10:44 PM
11

Yep. Went back on OLD recently and its just killing my hopes. Everyone just wants easy sex. Or barely want to talk about anything substantial.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 11:14 PM
1

That makes me feel much better! I do really think I put effort in and I genuinely wanted to make my ex happy and try new things with him but I felt very left behind and naive. Could be because he wasnt the best fit for me; I understand that now. Hope I can find someone in the future who is a little more understanding. Cowgirl is a great example btw haha glad to know I’m not the only one who feels like its a workout 😭 even if its enjoyable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 02:16 PM
2

Question to you ladies—I understand needing him to put the effort in and have my own experiences where that did not happen and I had issues vocalizing my discomfort and thought I had to be grateful for what I had. But how did you all get good at sex? Ive only had two partners and I struggle alot with intimacy, getting turned on, and am hyperaware of my lack of experience which makes me insecure and ultimately less vocal in the bedroom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 06:13 AM
10

Huge fan of both podcasts here. Im gonna say I disagree/have a different perspective regarding this topic. I will not lie, I had the same impression when I first started listening to both but then I realized that I was viewing it from a male sort of viewpoint. Yes, Tom tends to have different types of conversations and talk to male entrepreneurs alot about skills and pushing yourself. Its very individualistic and can come off as more useful. However, the women on Lisa’s podcast are just as accom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 03:40 PM
9

I feel you and congrats on cutting toxic people out of your life. I was literally the same as you. Felt so happy to be around them until shit hit the fan for me and I realized we were having one way conversations. Its a really sad realization and to see that they still do it and finally understand whats happening hurts a bit. I don’t even know if/how to rescue the friendship because Im not sure they’d be receptive to me saying that my needs aren’t being met. So I’ve just been avoiding them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 02:37 PM
22

Im Caribbean/West Indian, but I have a few South Asian female friends and they regularly tell me I don’t understand the pressure they feel to get married. From what Ive seen about their attitudes towards marriage and how their families speak to them; the pressure is constant. They are also told that they should get married young because couples will be able to compromise better and work together that way rather than when they are older and set in their ways. I’m also in the US where their dating…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 02:21 PM
8

Second this...fell for this myself. Thought the relationship label meant something but he still dropped me like a hot potato once things started to reopen and he got vaccinated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 04:03 AM
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