TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

vanillakitteh Archive

View 9 posts and 75 comments by vanillakitteh on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
12

I didn’t get diagnosed until 27 so I feel ya 😓 I was a “gifted student” and my parents didn’t believe in ADHD anyways so I flew under the radar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/21 03:45 PM
6

Thank you! I think that’s a rule of thumb I will adopt from now on. And I have blocked him on everything but email and that’s where he sent it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 10:00 PM
35

“Fluent in sarcasm” = if you call me out on whatever I say that’s offensive I’ll just say it was sarcasm/a joke. I will definitely gaslight you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 06:11 PM
2

Thank you so much. Been divorced and living away from him for a year now and doing much better. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 04:16 PM
2

There’s not a lot of success with poly relationships. There are greater risks involved for sure. I think a lot of the disaster stories like mine come from couples that are in a monogamous relationship and then (usually) the guy decides he’s poly and wants to open up the relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 04:15 PM
2

Yes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 04:09 PM
14

It came down to the romantic attachment and him using her to make me feel insecure in the relationship. If he just wanted to go for a one night stand then that would have been one thing when we were both doing the open thing, but once it became a romantic situation it was much harder. Also I had fallen for her romantically as well so that just added another layer of pain. He was also talking about wanting kids with her some day (I’m childfree) and all this future stuff that pushed me out of the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 07:22 AM
14

Definitely. Mine could barely even do one round (even if he could get it up). I don’t know how he thought he was going to be able to deal with two women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 06:10 AM
37

If you have already brought it up to the people above him twice and they haven't done anything then it's time to start looking for other workplaces. Having a bad manager can make a decent job feel like hell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:19 AM
1

Haha definitely a possibility
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:17 AM
48

Wow, how depraved. That's disgusting. Amazing how delusional he was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 03:16 AM
30

Yeah, it's fine when he wants to find other girls to sleep with but the moment he's not succeeding and I was getting attention it had to be shut down. He couldn't even please me in bed, but in his head he thought he could handle two women. Glad I'm out of the situation now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 02:30 AM
6

Gaslighting is horrible. Psychologically manipulating someone to the point they don't trust themselves is evil. Thanks for sharing the resource!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 02:02 AM
3

EMDR was super helpful for me in processing the abuse trauma! Sounds like you are on the right track 💕
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 01:37 AM
6

Arguing with a narc definitely feels that way. Here are some links for resources that might be helpful where you are at right now: How to help victims heal Grey rock method Safety plan for escaping abuse Grey rock method is going to help you the most immediately. This is to learn to not react towards the abuse when they are trying to pull you in to an argument. If this article isn't the right fit you can google "grey rock method" or look it up on youtube. If you have access to therapy that would…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 01:13 AM
6

They thrive off the confusion they can cause. It helps them maintain control in the situation. Gaslighting can be especially painful because it teaches you to not trust your own memory or emotions and causes trauma, anxiety, and/or depression long term. If your husband is a narc, even if you recorded him saying something and played it back for him later he would deny it or change it to blame shifting or just outright anger and yelling. They cannot take accountability for their actions. I'm sorry…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 12:45 AM
6

A certain sub about upset mothers was extra depressing yesterday :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 11:31 PM
10

They're too focused on themselves and how other men perceive them to actually do things that women want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 11:25 PM
6

Would love a second opinion: my ex made it hell whenever I needed something from him while we were getting divorced and he completely ignored me for things that were as simple as clicking on an email or sending me a number I needed to remove myself from an account. Now he needs a piece of information from me. Do I be the bigger person and send it or ignore it like he ignored all of my requests? (This man was a narcissistic and emotionally abusive person if that makes any difference)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 10:12 PM
231

Good for her! It's really nice to see that she is standing up for what is right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 09:19 PM
3

Nice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 07:35 PM
3

<3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 06:17 PM
102

A big reason why I am childfree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 06:09 PM
3

That's great! Realizing the issues and committing to work on them is a huge step! Glad you have a support system now to help you while you are working on yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 04:42 PM
7

Yeah, I never understood it myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 04:31 PM
4

Fantastic post!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 04:23 PM
14

So many dead fish photos I could have made a compilation. I heard once that men create their profiles not to impress the women that they want, but to impress other men. Otherwise why would they post things like fishing, hunting, cars, guns, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 04:19 PM
4

Thank you so much! Glad I can help other people see the 🚩 Once you can identify a behavioral pattern it makes it easier to work on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 04:13 PM
10

Mine was a covert narc as well so that's why our experiences were so similar. I'm sorry you had to go through that as well. It's a type of hell that is hard to explain to people that haven't been through it. Narcs are extremely resistant to therapy and they don't want to change or improve because they think they are flawless and don't want to look within themselves. The only thing they might do in therapy is try to manipulate the therapist to side with them so they can use it against you. My ex …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 04:11 PM
8

Unfortunately female narcissists do exist, but there are far less than male narcs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 04:04 PM
36

Just wanted to add some 🚩 sayings for fun here 🚩 Fluent in sarcasm 🚩 I have a dark sense of humor 🚩 Not looking for anything serious/let's see where things go 🚩 Cryptocurrency expert 🚩 Polyamorous/ethically non-monogamous 🚩 Joe Rogan podcast/the office/anime/hardcore gamer
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 04:03 PM
5

I totally agree. Would rather be single and happy for the rest of my life with cats and dogs then to ever have to deal with a narcissist again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 03:56 PM
6

No, I agree, just saying that narcs tend to be drawn towards that lifestyle. Especially the ones that want multiple women and are ok with their women partners to date other women but not men (cause they have to have the only penis you touch and they don't believe that wlw relationships are real because lesbians=porn).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 03:56 PM
8

It's really difficult when you grow up in an abusive household to have to relearn what love is supposed to be like. We learn from our parents behavior and that takes a lot of reprogramming and self awareness. It's great that you are educating yourself so that you can work on breaking those cycles. It's hard work!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 03:51 PM
15

I mean if it walks like a narc, talks like a narc, and quacks like a narc then... All of those things are highly indicative of narcissistic abuse, but even if you don’t want to label him a narcissist it’s still painful emotional abuse. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I think a lot of women downplay to themselves how they were treated and question themselves so much when it comes to abuse. I’ve been trying to help others in a recovery sub and the amount of self doubt is really sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 02:37 PM
15

It’s a hell that is hard to understand if you haven’t been through it. I didn’t even realize it was narcissism until after I had gotten away from the relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 02:32 PM
24

I think part of it is cultural. Men are raised in a society that tells them because they are men they are entitled to certain things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 02:31 PM
7

I think narcissists have been around for a long time but because of the internet and our ability to share our experiences with one another it has made this information more available to people. The other possibility is that narcissists raise other narcissists so as the population grows there are going to be more of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 02:30 PM
35

I honestly don’t know. I’m sure there’s a small percentage of guys that aren’t but I’ve never dated them. I’m happy staying single if it means the alternative is weeding through so many abusers to find a decent guy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 02:28 PM
19

I’m going to make a post later about my horrible poly experience. I think narcs are definitely drawn towards poly because they think they are entitled to multiple women and like as many sources of narc supply as possible. Also makes it easier to triangulate partners against each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 02:27 PM
32

I’m sorry you went through this. This is considered rape because you weren’t aware enough to consent to that. Men that can get turned on by women that are unconscious/drunk/in pain/crying are disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 01:51 PM
2

It can be really painful to reflect on past abuse but it’s really good to know the signs so we can avoid them in the future!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 01:43 PM
1

Glad I could help!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 01:42 PM
20

They’re usually incredibly selfish and not great in bed in the first place and think they deserve to have multiple women to please them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 01:42 PM
257

Men try to keep their options open as long as possible and start thinking of marriage when their other prospects start drying up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 05:40 AM
122

I would add avoid any men that say they are polyamorous or “ethically non-monogamous.” First of all you aren’t even getting a full partner and secondly there’s no way to know if the other woman even knows. And if they are poly these guys don’t want commitment, just a harem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 05:39 AM
27

Yeah, she was a lib fem pick me. She thought that getting attention from men that used her was empowering but I felt really bad because I knew that it wasn't making her feel good, but I think she craved the validation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 04:30 AM
6

So the super religious type?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 02:29 AM
46

I know, it's really sad. I wish she had more self esteem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 01:38 AM
34

I know! I tried to tell her that she needed to protect herself, especially after she told me about the chlamydia, but she stuck to her ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/05/21 01:31 AM
135

Yeah, I'm done with men. This is nauseating. I had a pick me coworker in the past that try to be the "cool girl" that hates condoms. She would go on tinder for d appointments with any guy she thought was hot. She was constantly getting UTIs and got chlamydia at least once >.<
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 11:19 PM
12

As for the messiness of the house, if it is within your budgets maybe consider hiring someone to come over once a week or once every other week to clean? If this is not possible then I would sit down and write out what cleaning tasks need to get done and figure out a balance of who does what task (like if he hates doing dishes but you don't mind and you hate laundry but he doesn't mind then those are some clear divisions). You can assign days of the week and frequency for when each task needs to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 11:14 PM
3

Absolutely. There was often a combination of gaslighting, blame shifting, minimizing, and lying within even just one conversation. Once you can see one red flag there are often many more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 08:29 PM
18

Has anyone actually met a man that doesn’t use porn? I can only imagine they would be very religious or part of a group like no-fap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 08:18 PM
2

I would say have some sort of self defense item and be comfortable with using it (depends on what’s legal where you live). I carry a taser and pepper spray on my keys wherever I go and have an extra can in my car. And confidence/body language. It’s been shown that attackers decide their targets within like 7-10 seconds based on how easy they think the target is. If you are aware of your surroundings, walk confidently and like you know where you’re going (even if you don’t), and have a form of pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 08:16 PM
2

Amazing article! There are definitely things I could add to this post!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 07:30 PM
1

Amazing article! There are definitely things I could add to this post!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 07:30 PM
3

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 07:24 PM
3

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 07:24 PM
2

If they are saying they need to take a minute to reflect then I would follow that up with, “Ok, I’m willing to give you space to think about this. What time will you be ready to talk about this again?” And make sure they give you a solid answer. Often times they will push off this conversation to an undisclosed time hoping that you will forget about it and they can get away with their actions with no consequences. If you are seeing a consistent pattern of broken promises and shitty behavior then…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 07:24 PM
4

Definitely, I will add that on. It kind of falls under other categories like blame shifting but I have lots of examples of bumbling specifically I can add.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 07:16 PM
2

Absolutely! Glad I could help. People aren’t OWED relationships with us, they EARN our relationships, even if it’s family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 07:14 PM
4

I’ve had some very toxic friends in the past and I totally understand. Once our support system has been destroyed it’s much easier for others to control us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 07:11 PM
7

❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 06:42 AM
8

Hoping to save someone else in the future because I also wish I had this years ago
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 05:24 AM
5

These can absolutely be applied to other relationships in our lives. Abusive people in our lives aren’t always our partners. I’m glad I could help ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 05:23 AM
9

I’m so glad I could validate your experiences. While I was in the relationship I was so scared to be alone and feared having to go through the dating process all over again. Now that I’m out I haven’t regretted it at all and only regret not doing it sooner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 04:57 AM
41

Agreed. I am still healing from my divorce from my narcissistic ex-husband and have learned that I am content by myself and don’t have the energy to bother with dating. There are too many LVM and abusers out there that it doesn’t feel worth the time to try and weed the potential “good one” out. I’m happy with having cats and dogs and being able to do whatever I want in life without needing someone else’s approval.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 04:52 AM
40

Congratulations on getting out of that relationship with your narc ex. I divorced my narc ex-husband a year ago and am still healing and working on myself. I don’t plan on dating anytime soon and I am content with that. Don’t let your friends rush you into dating before you are ready. Most people have no idea how damaging a relationship with a narc can be towards your mental health. Wishing you well on your healing journey ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 04:45 AM
9

So glad you got out! Dealing with narcissistic abuse is something I don’t wish on anyone 💜
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 03:54 AM
14

I moved out about a year ago, got all the divorce stuff settled (pain in the ass when dealing with a man child), and am fully no contact now! Sad to say it took this long but I guess I needed that one super terrible thing to happen so I could “justify” ending things with him. When he cheated something finally snapped in me and I knew I couldn’t deal with his shit any more. So glad I got out and am working on improving myself without having someone dragging me down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 03:53 AM
7

Definitely! It was used quite a bit as well. I’ll add that in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 03:40 AM
27

Unfortunately it was 5 years 😭 I honestly never want to date men again. I would rather be happy and by myself than have to stress about men. Thankfully I am also attracted to women so if I do decide to date again I have that option, but right now am content by myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 03:02 AM
4

Of course! I hope it can help save someone else from going through the same trauma I experienced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 02:57 AM
17

Thank you! ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/05/21 02:42 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter