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vardebi Archive

View 2 posts and 70 comments by vardebi on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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10

Sex IS like pizza. If it's good, it's amazing, but too much of it will still make you feel gross. If it's bad, that dented can of anchovies gives you botulism and you die.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 08:43 PM
45

This should be a monthly feature of the FDS podcast!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/21 08:43 PM
10

Yeah, Gone Girl definitely tripped my "I want to be her when I grow up" switch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 06:58 PM
23

She has been one of my heroes since I read Eva Luna in high school. "Yes, but who has the power in heaven, God or his mama?" Basically my entire theology right there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 06:31 PM
5

I have no judgment for folks who make this choice, but the choice itself is wrong and makes the world a worse place. Also all the talent you need for sex work is the same skills you'd use in literally any other sales job! If you're going to sell insecure men a fantasy, why not make it a Porsche instead of nudes?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 06:06 PM
3

I broke up with my narc ex back in September too, and just last week put the only gift he ever gave me (a book) in a little free library box in the neighborhood. Walking away from that box felt GREAT. I am so glad you are free and experiencing the relief of not having to love someone who is so much work and could do so much damage. Self-care and having enough emotional energy are SO essential in grad school! You literally can't afford to have anything or anyone block you in this journey - every …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 06:53 PM
1

Commenting to validate everything you said and to recommend Soraya Chemaly's nonfiction book Rage Becomes Her, which is basically 250 pages unpacking all these sentiments, and is a GREAT, cathartic read.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 07:40 PM
13

*Also applies to giving them more of what they DO appreciate. The solution seems to be to give less of everything??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/20 10:51 PM
2

YES - this is why one of my dealbreakers is "has a health problem that he complains about; has not seen a doctor about it for >3 months"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 12:55 AM
7

I got tired of being hit on by ashamed men with thin girlfriends who was looking for something large and soft to degrade. SO TIRED!!! Also tired of guys who try to gaslight me about how fat/plus-sized women are treated in the dating market, like "well my sister/friend/classmate never had any trouble getting a boyfriend and she's bigger than you, your problem is that you're just not cOnFiDeNt enough..." Yes to being wholly unavailable!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 12:36 AM
6

[He] kept repeating the fact that he now knows both of them are not on the same page about certain issues He's right, they're not. The "certain issues" that they disagree about are her basic humanity. He wants her to sacrifice her dignity and safety for him to get a sense of control over her. This will escalate, and things could end badly for her. The fact that he had the temerity to ask (dealbreaker for me right there), and when she said no, didn't even try to walk it back as a "joke" or apolog…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 07:26 PM
91

I really enjoy making people feel special and seeing their reaction. That's it right there. LVM don't enjoy making anyone feel special but themselves, unless it's a means to an end. If you're into giving the benefit of the doubt (not recommended), people sometimes don't enjoy gift-giving because the uncertainty of figuring what the other person might want provokes a lot of anxiety. But IME if you can't pay close enough attention to your partner that you can't figure out what she wants.... you're…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 07:15 PM
9

Men who talk about other women/exes as "so negative": 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚨
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/20 08:34 PM
12

most guys don’t change unless I show my anger in this way. Do what works. Save the "healthy communication" for work and friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 03:41 AM
12

They know they're in a job that is too much for them, they faked their way in but they can't leave because they're too attached to the salary, and they're too egotistical to ask for help improving their performance. So instead of leaving so they can get a job that's an actual match for their skills, they just act up until you fire them, then they can say it was a "personality conflict" and call you crazy. Basically they know they can't perform in the role they've taken, but they don't respect ot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 05:37 PM
34

Maladaptive response to impostor syndrome.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 09:13 PM
5

The caption is GOLD, that is the ENTIRE story of Men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 07:06 PM
1

Someone who can match my ambition and has similar values to mine, who is acting according to those values to make the world a better place. Not just in big ways, but also by (eventually, when trust is built) creating a supportive and healing space for each other and developing a spiritual connection that (for me) sanctifies physical intimacy, encouraging each other to be our best selves. Basically the same requirements I have of a female best friend, but with the extra dimension of vulnerability…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 08:32 PM
2

you should be able to engage in "romantic touch" and "loving touch" while simultaneously screaming "I don't want a relationship" but the person you're having sex with is not allowed to find that confusing because it's "an innate human need." This kind of thinking is R I F E in the WokePolyQueer circles that intersect with mine. "Kiss your friends!" "Tell your friends you LOVE them!" "Cuddle platonically!" "Hold hands with your friends!" And like... I get that if you grow up being terrified of sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 07:53 PM
35

"I've apologized many times, I won't do it again" is my favorite part of this. If you fuck up this badly, you made this bed and you need to lie in it, you do not get to decide when the yelling stops. Just take your stripes like a man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 07:20 PM
73

Oh and you can't resent me further down the line since we've had this conversation. My favorite red flag!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 10:17 PM
73

Yikes... especially because "expressing a boundary" is EXACTLY what she was doing??? But because she didn't have the response he wanted her to have, she's Doing It Wrong and Not Ready to Grow Up obviously. Excuse me, my eyes have rolled back in my head so far that I need to untangle my optic nerve.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 10:16 PM
1

Narcs come in all flavors: oldest child with a younger brother, youngest child with 3 sisters/2 brothers, only child, fraternal twin... As an oldest child myself I get along better with oldest/onlys, but I haven't found a pattern in guys I date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 08:14 PM
3

That is an awesome story! Not just because I am also a former math anxiety sufferer who loves quantum physics ;) More dads should do this with their daughters!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 08:03 PM
6

Yeah he just showed his entire ass, throw the whole man out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 07:53 PM
4

I've been watching Gentleman Jack which is basically a LVM-gets-the-girl romcom only the LVM in question is a woman, and it's actually been really great and refreshing to recognize LVM behavior (manipulation and self-centeredness mostly) outside its expected context. I always return to the newer Star Trek series (TNG, DS9, Discovery) when I need something soothing but engaging. The romantic subplots are usually de-centered and the courtships are usually long and respectful, but of course, the sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/20 05:41 PM
3

I found "Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents" really helpful, it contains journaling exercises for each chapter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 04:58 PM
2

So much for intersectionality and multiple valid feminisms, then? Sigh...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 04:46 PM
7

"Do I feel happy, valued and comfortable with this person?" is a great vetting question. And yeah, narcissists... I will never forget the moment after I broke up with my last (as in final) LVX, the phrase that just laid itself across my mind was "I'm so relieved not to have to love you anymore."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/20 04:35 PM
30

This is such a great document, I wish it had been translated better! The covert stuff is especially useful for identifying past behaviors that felt wrong but were mysteriously "my fault" or "totally normal."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 03:49 AM
12

I don't think I'm the only woman who was trained to do this, but I tend to stick around because before I leave I have to figure out "is it my fault?" and fix everything I can because goddess forbid it go on my Permanent Record(tm) that a relationship problem was my fault and I left it there like dirty socks on the floor. Men have no guilt about this and no sense of responsibility for their part in the problems, IME before they get married they are immune to the sunk costs fallacy and after they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 03:41 AM
28

no, no, you're foreign, so you don't count! teehee! Literally had a very Loud Marxist Feminist male ex-friend play the "foreign not white!" card about his [Eastern European nationality] wife and then go on to expound upon how she does all the housekeeping because all Eastern European women are fastidious housekeepers, "because culture." Like, did you want me to congratulate you on catching a wife before she got rid of her internalized misogyny? Sorry, no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 02:40 AM
12

I also need to know how to do this. It's my top reason for never again dating someone I was friends with first, because they start out at the "friends" level of trust and having to bust them back down to "potential timewaster or worse" is tricky. Try keeping a list of what they bring to the table and using that to grade them on every date/interaction? "Validates my self-esteem" should be logged, but shouldn't count for much - it's the bare minimum. "Said he would, and did" should count WAY more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 02:14 AM
65

Re: music, I was told that in punk circles the red flag is whether or not someone tolerates listening to GG Allin. Not being willing to cull artists and musicians who are known rapists and/or pedophiles from their own cultural consumption is a HUGE red flag for me. Generalizations about what X kind of women are like that just get salted into conversation, for example "European women are so chill about sex and objectification, they just objectify men right back"; " I guess I just grew up around s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 02:04 AM
9

I cannot imagine that I share a single similar hobby with this clown, not even when I was 20. Must've been too busy having ambition...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 01:34 AM
67

I'm convinced anal sex is used as a covert way to hurt women during sex and not be seen as a predator 1000%!!! And if it hurts it's my fault because I can't "relax enough"... smfh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 04:50 PM
2

Why do I always feel like I owe men an explanation instead of straight up blocking them? They don’t care! My mantra meditation for this week, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 10:17 PM
14

When they're single, they don't get their electricity turned off and die in their dark apartments of starvation because they can't go to the grocery store and buy food Totally true, but google "bachelor scurvy" or "widower scurvy" - men absolutely do this to themselves on occasion. Women require the influence of a man to get this dysfunctional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 10:02 PM
4

Nice, I hadn't thought much about Sacred vs Divine and how we are missing the feminine Divine and shouldn't accept the sacred feminine as some kind of substitute. FWIW I also lean Orthodox, but can't really get past the no-women-priests thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 09:50 PM
7

Came across this recently, relevant if you want to discuss the spiritual aspect of this: https://wetalkwelisten.wordpress.com/2019/12/26/our-mother-in-heaven-katya-lysander-ph-d/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 07:51 PM
6

Yep, it's why I find narcissists so attractive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/20 02:15 AM
3

"Although you were one of many (un)qualified candidates, we have decided at this time to promote from within."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 10:26 PM
3

BRILLIANT
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 10:10 PM
3

Honestly if you propose to me now, you better be ready for me to send Save the Date cards next week. When you know, you know. Don't act like you know if you don't know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 09:57 PM
15

To be fair, the thing about men without hats is true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 09:30 PM
2

"Slipped up"??? Oh sweetie... Does this girl live in Iran? Is her boyfriend TWELVE YEARS OLD??? Jfc....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 09:29 PM
6

My most recent LVX told me he liked it when I didn't wear makeup because it "made my face look more vulnerable." Never been so badly tempted to get permanent eyeliner in my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 10:39 PM
7

"Dickonomics" is such a great word. We should have dickonomics flair for especially market-related audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 09:22 PM
9

YES. THANK YOU. Serious question, is it possible there are men out there who want to be in a relationship that doesn't involve them constantly pushing my buttons and bringing me bullshit just to check that I won't put up with it? Because shit is exhausting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 09:17 PM
2

1, 3, 4, 8.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 08:11 PM
16

Jeez just @ me next time 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 04:50 PM
16

Just putting this here for accountability: I really want to check in on my ex after this election. I commit here to NOT doing so. We were friends first, and then he was the center of my emotional life for almost a year, he's an activist and in the middle of a PhD, and I'm sure he's fine (he loves uncertainty and is waiting for a reason to burn shit down, so he must be secretly thrilled with the non-result), but I still care. I don't really have anyone else that I care about that deeply in my lif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 04:29 PM
11

Truth in advertising, I guess? I appreciate it when people tell me up front who they are and how I can expect them to treat me...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 12:40 PM
23

"This doesn't mean they are superior to other men" oh yes it fucking does.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 11:07 PM
13

#everythingisFDS Listened to an episode of Planet Money podcast this morning, about the borderline-illegal business model used by big contract call centers these days and realized how much it described my most recent turn as a pickme - working so hard, trying to make myself better and more accommodating, investing in my own training and trying to perform to expectations, wondering when I would deserve to get the benefits that permanent, full-time employees had, only to have my conditions never i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 02:14 AM
2

I mean... Hands on learning is great & all, I love a good lab section, but no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 05:53 PM
8

"Go with a full on DECISION TREE, A COMPLEX ALGORITHM with sliding scales and all." Let the data nerds say, AMEN!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 01:11 AM
2

"The first sign of disrespect, I walk." I'm going to come back to this and read it every day until I believe it in my BONES because I could have written the first part, too. It makes me so ill that women ever have to put up with this, that we are taught to put up with this, that even guys who will tell their woman friends that pickme behavior is unhealthy will still take FULL advantage of a woman whose boundaries have been weakened by childhood abuse and turn around at the end and make a bunch o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:43 AM
77

He had it comin'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:27 AM
7

6 months from now will be close to my 42nd birthday. Sounds like a great time to finally have the answers to life, the universe, and everything....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:22 AM
68

No one's visiting your boring, crusty ass Twitch livestream saying "what's the point of this, you aren't going to find a wife this way..?" BRB getting a twitch account for my new favorite hobby
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:15 AM
50

I am slowly coming to the realization that the spousal audition process does not work the same way in both directions. I've wasted countless hours trying to show LVM "see, this is what you could have forever if you'd just step the f up!" trying to pass my Wife Audition, and compromising my boundaries and values in the process. THAT WAS DUMB. Men are not the whole orchestra, they're not even conductors (even/especially the ones who are conductors), they're just musicians, and they should have to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 08:38 PM
8

Deeply refreshing and reassuring to see one of the top male lefty intellectuals say this. Maybe are HVM in academia after all?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 07:29 PM
7

Even Chomsky doesn't completely agree with Chomsky anymore, so I think you're on the right track ;) https://dlc.hypotheses.org/1269
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 07:25 PM
10

Don't let them take feminism away from you! Keep calling yourself a feminist! Libfems are acting against their own interests and displaying internalized misogyny left and right, they do NOT get to keep their feminist cards IMHO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 06:47 PM
4

I really was doing some mental gymnastics just to try to comprehend the mocking. THIS. So many times. I don't care if men are doing this "innocently" because they're trying to be playful, if I have to do mental gymnastics to understand their behavior is "really" caring or cute or whatever, it is OVER.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 12:43 PM
13

Wow, 100% yes. The minute I told my LVM ex that I would no longer be accepting verbal apologies for his mistakes, only flowers and changed behavior, he had this weird freakout where he said I was "starting to scare him" and he wanted to make sure I wasn't going to physically injure him because it sounded like I wanted to use him as a "fetish object to take out all my anger on from men who had hurt me in the past." Like... dude, no, just you? Also asking for flowers and changed behavior instead o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 09:42 PM
1

Document, document, document, as folks are saying above. You are not doing new hires any favors by "backing off" - they need to know what kind of intellectual chops are expected in their job. Encouragement is a great teaching tool, but I have never benefitted from being coddled as a new hire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 06:21 PM
3

UGH you are WELL shot of that one. Trash is trash is trash, and this guy was manipulative gaslighting trash. Keep trusting your intuition. I've gone through too much of my life thinking that I need to legally justify my uneasiness to bullshit artists like the guy you describe. I feel morally obligated to warn fellow readers (not that most of you would let any of this slide) that this kind of behavior comes up "subtly" even with "feminist" men (perhaps especially?). I just wasted 9 months on an o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 03:49 AM
7

Suitor Fight Club is what I always wanted The Bachelor/ette to be. Also, brilliant analysis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 04:41 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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