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vervii Archive

View 4 posts and 38 comments by vervii on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
9

vervii/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 01:25 PM
7

Rantvervii/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 08:14 PM
6

vervii/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 09:37 PM
6

vervii/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 06:43 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Just feel it man. It sucks and I wish there was a switch. I have no clue if there is any trick versus just building new habits with time. Accept what is, feel the suckyness of it, put one more foot forward each day and continue to build a better life with the lessons you learned. Over time it will get better and there's hope you can build something better.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 02:15 PM
2

Just a generationally bad idea. You are the epitome of dunning kruger. I can't think of a single lawyer that doesn't pop champagne when they hear the opposing side is "self representing". Best of luck friend.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/26 02:00 PM
3

Shit sucks. It could be worse. Do what you can with the reality of what is. Go live and love your life. Change what you can change, accept the rest, have fun.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 05:52 PM
2

Let it pass. There will be good and bad days. Overall the good days will increase and the bad ones decrease but they'll still come around every so often. Get yourself a treat or do something you enjoy and take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself because no one else is obligated to be. I abandoned myself too. So much. Never again. It served no one and I can admit put massive pressure on her and built a ton of resentment in me. Will model better for my daughter in the future.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 02:17 PM
2

I try to focus on my part so in retrospect I see it as giving away my 'masculinity'. I could have maintained firm boundries and told her to kick rocks after I was led along with words but limited actions. I unfortunately felt like i had to make myself smaller and smaller to keep from upsetting her; lost all my friends, living in a foreign state now, changed all my habits; and in the end it wasn't enough. But those were all my choices for myself and for the relationship I had hoped to build. Oh w…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 01:48 PM
1

Same here man, I'm doing 'better' as in no more crying spells. Rumination still happens almost everytime I open my eyes. Dreams about her have gotten more frequent. Everytime I see her at exchanging our kid I see how beautiful she is and the life we could have had. I get frustrated and angry at myself and her and at the situation we're in, and then I continue on with my day. I similarly don't think I'll really ever romantically love again. I tried my best with my ex and as she said it wasn't eno…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 12:58 PM
2

Thanks man.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 10:11 AM
1

Amen. It led me to some dark places I refuse to ever go again; but thats what boundries are for from what I've learned.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 01:57 PM
2

Wow so I went through extremely similar situations; but the only difference being cats instead of dogs hah. Similarly a girl kept trying to get me out on a date but I could easily state "I'm not remotely ready for that. Thanks bye." I had so much anxiety and concern about hurting others' feelings but realized thats their problem and that doesn't make me an asshole.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 07:22 PM
2

Love the analogy. Yeah I was not raised or exposed to 'boundries' growing up. I tried to explain the concept to my sister in law and her head almost exploded (non american family).
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 07:11 PM
3

I had similar issues. It's taken me a lot of therapy to even remotely understand what a boundry is and I failed spectarularly in upholding my boundries in the relationship. I constantly abandoned myself to try make her happy but instead it just made me miserable and I don't think really did anything for her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 05:42 PM
3

If a women thinks her partner is weak because they ask her questions about her needs then you should find a different women. Don't ask everyday "what can I do" like you're begging for guidance; but take the time every few weeks to months to check in and see how the relationship is going and how you can show up better for her. And she should be doing the same. It's the basis of communication. The alternative is mind reading, which, good luck with that hah.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 01:20 PM
3

Going to the gym and work on your career are things you do for yourself. Not for your partner. If you have no money then sure, focus on career to stabilize life for your partner but I think most women want men working less and spending more time with them and family. I watch podcasts based on communication and relationships; jefferson fischer, Dr. John Deloney and seperateively try to focus on my own issues that led to my divorce. Lack of communication, lack of boundries, people pleasing, poor c…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 12:56 AM
3

I was in a dark place and gave up on our life, after feeling ridiculously stuck in a bad situation I couldn't figure out how to change/leave. Started going to strip clubs secretly after a few blow up flights where I was crying my eyes out and using super high dose edibles daily and legitimately going a little/lot crazy. Sober now thankfully and rebuilding life but it's awful that she had to suffer so much for my choices.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 01:34 PM
2

Fight for your kid. Its an extremely difficult moment to get through. I'm 7 months in and still wake up with terrible anxiety, guilt, fear, shame and find little to no joy in anything but I just take another step forward. There are some really terrible moments and each one I get through in a healthy manner gives me more tools and confidence to get through the next. Try some divorce support groups, meetup.com helped me find some friends groups, I started running and got on strava, chatting with r…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:33 PM
2

Thanks man I appreciate it a lot and you're completely right. It's been a weird mix of overwhelming when I'm with her and then utter emptiness when she's gone. Still learning the balance of it all but the days go by either way.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 01:07 PM
1

I appreciate it. My therapist did talk about how small I made my the box I live in to not upset her but I think it was more from my own weakness and prior people pleasing issues I did majorly hurt her years ago and then used weed once and tried to cover it up after stating I wouldn't; but from the major betrayal years ago she decided she was done after the reusing weed. Ill just continue to focus on my daughter. I apologized, took full accountability and changed my life for my daughter's sake. N…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 12:44 PM
3

Just a stressed moment. Helps to type it out and then look back on it and realize its just a moment and doesn't reflect my actual core worries when I'm in a better mental space. Just doing my best as you said.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/26 01:08 AM
2

Thats rough man I hope you know and understand she's just a kid and possibly getting it a bit from the other side but that's really hard to live with man. I'm proud of you continuing to show up for your daughter through all that. If you want to chat/vent sometime feel free to DM me.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 10:59 PM
2

I'll look into golf more. The runs/ultimate frisbee/gym are getting a little taxing on the body and golf sounds like a nice change of pace.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 10:57 PM
2

And I know my ex likely feels the same way too. Missing her daughter and being forced to be apart from her because I couldn't treat her right or fix my issues fast enough... I tried and did so much and so well but not enough in the end. It's all so sad.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 08:45 PM
3

You're right. It's nice to hear from someone where it's worked out ok. I never expected this life path but I'll keep focusing on making it as good as possible for her and myself.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 08:34 PM
1

Thank you. Just a small spiraling moment where it helps to write out and get some support. I appreciate it and you're right. I look forward to all the good times with her!
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 08:33 PM
2

Thanks I know her brain is doing its best to survive and I try my best not to take it personally; but it's definitely personal at parts. Nothing I can do about that. I tried my best and pulled myself out of hell while trying to manage her emotions and now it's not my role anymore. Just doing the best for my daughter. It's sad but it is what it is.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 03:22 PM
2

I do wish her well though. This whole thing is insane especially when I'm open to anything but she's convinced herself of so many things that aren't true but nothing I can do.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 01:19 PM
1

Hah well damn man those are interesting adjectives. My Ex has issues like everyone does but she's a wonderful mother and I try to focus on that. I'm upset, frustrated, sad about the whole situation but I don't think I can ever hate her though I'm sure she feels that way towards me. She gave me my daughter and just chose to protect herself instead of helping me. I'm sorry you're having such a rough go of it man.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 01:09 PM
1

We did for awhile but cat died a couple days ago and my walls faltered though my ex did a good job reminding me that she doesn't care to connect that way and is constantly taking further steps away. Just a reminder to get back to old routines.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 05:32 PM
2

I'm trying to follow my own advice. I share the same thoughts and am shocked at how quickly she seemed to detach. What we see and what people feel and go through are different things though. I told myself my ex still loved me but I made her feel emotionally unsafe so she was too anxious/scared to stay with me; and maybe she did when it started but 6 months in I definitely don't get the feeling she cares too much about my experience anymore; but I don't know what she's going through. As I told he…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 02:24 PM
10

0% of the time. Why do you want someone back that left you? They made their choice and have given you 0 sign of anything else. They chose the life they wanted, as we all do. It sucks, grieve and then grow and find someone new.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 02:06 PM
1

Seperately I also reflected that it was our former cats passing that sent me craving positive feelings and connection from her which was a mistake to do internally. But hell add it to my list of mistakes hah, just have to move forward. I'll always miss her and what life could have been but I have no control over her.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 12:58 PM
1

You are completely correct. It's been generally ok but our former cat died recently and it sent me spiraling a bit. Just have to rebuild the old walls and habits again. I know all the tools and tricks at this point so just getting back into it now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 12:57 PM
2

Eh. I think she craves control because I took it away from her with my choices so she is trying to protect herself. I dont try to ascribe malice, just know that it's a difficult process for her too and divorce makes everyone crazy. I wish she would give me the chance to fix it but its seemingly too late and I should just be focused on protecting myself as everyone has stated.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 12:55 AM
1

You're right on many levels. I've done a lot of the work but I still love her and the thought that my daughter will have truly separated lives between us is terrifying. Currently we live in different spaces but are still involved in our kids life everyday as we send photos of them back and forth daily and talk about her constantly. I have to remember she made this choice and she's long since moved on and is done with me in any connected sense. She initially started with plans to coparent, said s…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 12:19 AM
1

I am proud of myself, back to college age strength* and body looks great, have amazing routines, playing chess, am sober from so many prior vices ... But all I want is to hold her. Too late for that though. You're totally right.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 10:21 PM
2

You're right about the torture. The remaining moments of hope are killing me but it's one of the few bright moments of my day. I love her so much and it doesn't matter.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 10:20 PM
1

You're right. I've given up on any real relationship but the small moments of happy discussions makes it feel like this nightmare is just a dream and I could go back to before I made the mistakes I made.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 10:19 PM
2

It's so hard to give up as I'd do anything to have her back and clinging to the vestiges of our relationship gives me a false sense of hope. You're right that I likely need to completely separate and move on but I really don't want to and it's so painful to shut the door because I'm fooling myself thinking it's even remotely open. She already shut it and moved on which hurts to accept. edit; also on reflection it was the death of our cat a couple days ago that likely sent me spiraling a bit for …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 10:17 PM
5

Gym can be a hard place to meet people as everyone has headphones in and is somewhat focused on their workout/selves but depends on the gym. I've had success with meetup.com, book clubs, chess club, Frisbee, joining groups, run clubs and volunteering. Go do activities you enjoy and meet people there. Built in shared activities lead to friendships.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 05:52 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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