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watchyourspeed Archive

View 7 posts and 120 comments by watchyourspeed on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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17

I think this is a shot from SNL but Fred Armisen does play an amazing character named Candace on Portlandia
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 11:36 PM
13

Yeah I agree. HVM don't want to date bimbos, so why pretend to be one? I want to date men who want to date smart women, so I'd want them to know upfront that I'm intelligent. We're smart enough to figure out if they're full of shit without pretending to be dumb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 04:45 PM
5

I don't know why you're getting downvoted. She and her grey hair are beautiful, but she does look older than him. Having grey/white hair generally makes you look older than someone with darker hair, esp someone with longer hair like Keanu. The point is that obviously neither of them give a shit and that's awesome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 09:01 PM
32

This was going to be my reply. The more they talk the more you can evaluate. Like you said, remember their answers and see if they contradict themselves at some other point, or if their actions align with those answers. Also, if you're the only one asking questions, then you know he doesn't give AF about you or your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 05:52 PM
26

We're damned if we're "hot", we're damned if we're "not hot"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 03:35 AM
28

A gut feeling, lol. Like what do you think sealed the deal for her? When he had an emotional affair after they'd been planning their future together for years? When he left her for another girl? Or when he came limping back after it didn't work out? Girl is just chillin on the back burner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 06:40 PM
38

He's just keeping it "organic" you know, "no need to be difficult"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 06:26 PM
25

My best friend's now ex-husband (thank GOD he's finally gone) was living in an apartment when they first started dating. He had a 10 year old dog, very small and energetic, and literally did nothing with the dog. There were piss and shit stains ALL over the apartment. Oh and the dog had rotting teeth. Pets are a double screening tool because you can see how they care for a living creature and their cleanliness habits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 06:33 PM
8

For now we'll just have to rely on our own detective skills ;)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 06:20 PM
23

Lol two weeks later he was "working on cleaning up his account" like he's just waiting for the paperwork to be finalized
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 06:18 PM
31

The title and TL;DR was enough for me. Should've broken it off as soon as you realized he was a thirsty IG dude. Having even one conversation about it isn't worth your time. Men who are worth a shit don't follow random women online even when they're single. Sorry, full stop, there are no exceptions. HVM aren't that thirsty. Since your parents are connected and you might have to see him again, I get why this can't be a simple block/delete. Send one message saying something VERY short about how yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 05:54 PM
12

I deleted IG about a year ago but IIRC, if you go to the person's page (IG model/influencer) and look through their pictures, it'll show you names of your friends who liked it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 05:40 PM
120

Personally...can't relate to the urge to get down on the fucking ground and ask a man to take me as his wife. If a man wants you as his wife, he's going to make that happen (or at least try). There's definitely an argument that it's just tradition blah blah but to me it goes much deeper. All comes down to your view of who should be initiating in the relationship, and I feel that men should be initiating all big moves in the relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 05:20 PM
2

Oh wow look at that! I can see at least 3 of my exes and also my best friend next to her trash husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 02:28 PM
10

Right, it's not like we have a problem with guys just being short! It might be a preference thing depending on your own height, but I'm pretty short myself. I dated one man who was 5'6" and another who was 5'8". They didn't have little man syndrome (didn't belittle me or display unnecessary aggression towards other men) and I honestly enjoyed dating both of them. They also didn't start our relationships by lying about their height...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 02:20 PM
16

Yeah, she's talking about how she could've had a partner to help her through her personal struggles, which is not the FDS way (and for good reason). I think there can also be different levels of having your shit together. Thinking of all the girls in college who obviously don't have established careers yet and probably aren't quite where they want to be financially. Being ready to date for them is more about having your shit together internally. Hell, I'm 31 and I'm still getting where I want to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 01:53 PM
16

You don't need to reach perfection but you need to have insane confidence and be a HVW in all ways. That doesn't mean you won't struggle with whatever is your thing (for me it's depression, for others might be weight or insecurity), but you need to get to a place where those things have been dealt with to a level that they're not a clear issue. If you date when you're struggling with lack of confidence or past trauma, you are putting yourself at a disadvantage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 01:33 PM
32

GIRL POWER!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 09:43 PM
4

Nothing wrong with having a minimal/nonexistent dating life while you're working on yourself! In fact, it's 100% necessary! I'd recommend staying off the apps until you develop more confidence. You don't want to start dating until you're so confident men can smell it through your dating profile!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 09:30 PM
12

No I just had the free app. Yeah it's definitely a waiting game :( I'd say treat it as more of a supplement to your in-person dating life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 08:18 PM
27

Hinge is where I found my amazing boyfriend. Most of the other dudes I found on there weren't awful, I just wasn't into it. Some were LVM for sure but there were a few who I think had HVM potential, we just didn't have any chemistry. My advice is to limit the time you spend on apps. Only have one app at a time and don't spend hours swiping/chatting with whoever messages you. Save it for the few who seem to have potential.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 07:20 PM
3

Maybe they just aren't sexually compatible! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 01:47 PM
214

Once this fact slaps you in the face you never forget it. He knows.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 12:10 AM
88

Comments include the greatest hits, "you need to be 100% straight with him" and "you have to clearly set boundaries". Also OP saying she's submissive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 12:10 AM
57

Right. Can't even call her a kinkmeisha because she's not even feigning pleasure anymore. It's horrible. Edit: Just kidding, she says she enjoys it in the comments. Still feel awful for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:57 PM
2

ALWAYS trust your gut <3
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 10:11 PM
4

Unfortunately I think that's pretty common with OLD. There's not an expectation of going back and forth quickly or of saying goodnight like there is with texting. At least that was my experience. I do think after a full day of messaging he should've asked you out already. Not that you'd immediately accept, but if you're on a dating app the assumption for men is that you're talking to other men. If they want to take you out and get you off the market they'll usually ask pretty quickly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 04:33 PM
7

Girl, I feel for you. It sucks. One of my best friends is in the same boat. Married to an absolute trash can of a human. She had to give him an ultimatum to propose (7 years into their relationship) and now they're married and he doesn't work, spends all her money at bars with his loser friends, dresses like a slob, and doesn't want to have a baby which is the ONE thing she really wants in life. It's so hard to watch and truly puts a strain on your friendship. FDS says we need to distance oursel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 04:26 PM
15

Do you really know he wouldn't hurt you? You don't know that. Being 50+ and telling a young woman (I assume you're in your 20s?) explicit stories (gross!) and commenting on your eyes is super creepy. And you're about to be alone in his house!?! You need to leave ASAP. You don't owe him an explanation, just leave. Please!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 03:54 PM
9

Babe, you just identified that your bar is LOW. You're not ready to date yet!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 02:41 AM
37

Hm. I knew him well when I was pretty young so I don't think I was paying attention to some of the things I would now. He always treated women very well. His daughters, their friends, women in the family. He was funny, kind to everyone, and just an easy person to be around. But he also drank a lot, which got worse after her mom died :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 02:08 AM
10

That was going to be my answer regardless ;) was just hoping I could hit her with a little older woman wisdom!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 12:35 AM
6

So true. And the sequel - the marriage version - is the whole "for better or worse" thing. Like yeah, a cornerstone of a solid relationship is not abandoning your partner when they're going through hard times. But it becomes a slogan for staying with someone through literally anything, which is not the way it should be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 09:37 PM
6

Interesting, I'll have to read up on that, thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 08:08 PM
34

I disagree...I'm in the "don't respond" camp personally, as I think giving any response (especially more than a few words) is giving him undue attention. Saying "yikes, bummer" will read like you're mildly concerned and opens the door for more communication. Remember that no response is a response. BUT if you can't fight the urge to be petty (it's a strong, strong urge sometimes), say something like "lol".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 07:56 PM
10

How old are you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 07:45 PM
6

I will say someone can check all those boxes and still be boring to you. Thinking of the HVM-on-the-surface-only guys. They've been all the places, eaten all the food, do all the cool activities, have all the ~hip~ friends, but are still soooo boring because they're just lame people (and probably LV in a lot of ways). It's all about what lights your fire!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 07:43 PM
336

I just read this post and immediately knew it would be crossposted here. The audacity is unprecedented. And this poor woman can't work anymore so now she's dependent on him for her cancer treatment. Disgusting. Contrast this with my best friend's HVM dad. I watched her mom suffer through breast cancer for 4 years until she was literally no more than a skeleton. Her husband cared for her every single day until she passed in hospice. Bathed her, carried her if she wanted to be moved, helped her in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 07:24 PM
3

Smart phones are so cheap nowadays that it seems like someone would need a reason to not have one. One reason could be wanting a phone that doesn't have GPS & you can take your SIM card out of. Sex offenders also aren't permitted to have internet capable phones while they're on probation or parole (at least in my state). Maybe a leap but that's what came to my mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 01:05 PM
19

YES. They do exist! Don't give up because when you find him, it's the best.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 02:35 AM
16

Pickme bait. "LOL girls r sooo crazy rite! I'm not! Pickme!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 08:09 PM
4

YES you should be! I still have mine because I need it for work but getting off social media was the best decision I ever made.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 06:33 PM
6

Ah I'm sorry girl, definitely not always the case. It's really the combination of the three things w/this guy. Non-smartphones can be a sign of criminal history/activity to me because they are sometimes burner phones and also because sex offenders generally aren't permitted to have phones with internet capabilities while on probation/parole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 05:47 PM
3

Makes sense, thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 05:44 PM
10

Wow I felt mildly sorry for him for the first few paragraphs, just because you said he was supportive & encouraging etc. Then I got to the part about "soliciting cuddles" from other women. GROSS. Distance yourself. I'd personally message the women in your friend group whom he's been contacting and warn them about this scary behavior. Also get a doorbell cam.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:41 PM
25

Sorry if I should know, but what's FOS?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 03:34 PM
17

Lol I'm trying to picture this MF saying with a straight face that he doesn't want to go on vacation because flying on planes is bad for the environment. I cannot deal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:17 PM
15

Yeah I'm a defense lawyer and those three things scream criminal history to me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:14 PM
41

As an attorney, #4, 6, and the Nokia cell phone suggest criminal history to me. Maybe that's a leap but those are common among my clients.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:05 PM
20

That text reeeally did it for me. Ew!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 04:37 AM
12

Lol yes it's a Kevin quote and it's a great scene but not sufficient for a profile!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 04:35 AM
8

Ugh that's so horrible! I'm so glad you found FDS! Let's hope she learned her lesson too. We have to remember that even the most rotten women are products of their own insecurities and a misogynistic society.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:13 AM
85

Two things: First of all, you didn't go! Be proud of yourself for that. Also hilarious that you stood him up. Second, it seems to me like you're not ready to date yet. You didn't handle this creeper very well even though you made the right choice not to go. Just my two cents!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:06 AM
25

Omg this is atrocious, I'm so sorry you went through that but DO NOT blame yourself. Sure, you should've walked away sooner, but you never should have been put in that situation in the first place. Sounds like you were being victimized by a Gaslighter and a top-level Pickmeisha (who tf decides to fuck their "best friend" who has a girlfriend and then makes it her mission to bully the girlfriend?!).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 01:47 AM
75

The fucking audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 01:36 AM
36

Wait is this actually your apartment?! Is this your (ex?) couch creature? Please tell us you're kicking him out!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 01:18 AM
34

GIRL ME TOO I fucking can't! Lol. And where does he even sleep!? Happy cake day!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 01:14 AM
1

The one doctor I dated was clearly loaded and was sooo stingy. Wanted to split everything! Like bro we've gone out 3x, stop acting like I'm gold digging while you're bragging about your new BMV.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 01:00 AM
2

Yes it's totally about your own preference! I'm a defense attorney so I spend a lot of time bitching about cops, lol. I have definitely worked with some great ones but it would just be hard to date one. Maybe I'm being overly broad but photographers always rub me the wrong way. The ones who photograph people (aka models) are usually pervvy and really into social media. I dated a real estate photographer once who was just a total scrub and it was barely even a job so that stuck with me. Then I'd …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:55 AM
2

My best friend and I both had bad experiences with doctors but I wouldn't say you should avoid them entirely, just be wary. They both had minor God complexes and were pretty condescending to us (we are both accomplished attorneys). Some of them just think their shit doesn't stink. There might be some professions you personally want to avoid (for me, police, military, anyone who is a career actor/musician/photographer/etc), but I don't think there's a set list of HVM careers unfortunately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 10:03 PM
264

So true. A lot of the "body positive" messages out there are detrimental IMO. The message is "big is sexy" or "men prefer thicc women" etc. when really it should be "as a society, why are we so focused on sexualizing women"? Just let us live!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:51 PM
2

Ugh, I gave up on that theory a long time ago lol. He's a recruiter by trade because he knows a career in music (jazz musician) is not conducive to having a family. I haven't been able to find any correlation between HVM/LVM and jobs, unfortunately. I used to think that we should run from all musicians, but it's something I love about my SO, probably because it's his hobby not his job. I've dated a LVM doctor, a LVM photographer, a HVM lawyer (which everyone says we should avoid!), and a mixed b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:36 PM
5

Eh, agree that strawmanning is bad, but steelmanning is just another debate tactic and I certainly don't want my partner using debate tactics on me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:20 PM
27

It's like night and day. HVM approach issues with their partners with empathy and the goal of resolving the conflict in a way that will facilitate the relationship moving forward. HVM are willing to take responsibility even if they might have an explanation for their actions (mental health, work stress, etc). The key difference I've noticed with my HVM boyfriends (lucky enough to have had two, including my current partner) v. LVM boyfriends (too many to count) is that we can still connect even d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 07:31 PM
-7

FWIW I agree with you, gaslighting runs much deeper than this childish fuckboy scheme.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 06:39 PM
15

Because you were raised in a patriarchal society that tells you from birth that the only goal worth having in life is to get married and procreate. So glad it actually worked out for you! Not the case for most people who rush things (thinking of all my friends...).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 08:53 PM
10

I'm a lawyer. I'd have the same position if this were a 25 year old white woman/man/dog/alien. If you don't have a law degree and haven't passed the bar exam, you shouldn't be a judge. It has nothing to do with her in particular, it's a commentary on the completely fucked judicial system.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 08:23 PM
30

I'm a lawyer and I'm with you 100%. I have to go to law school & pass the bar in order to represent someone in court, but the judge who decides their fate can be just a couple years out of undergrad?? I view this as less of an achievement for women & more of a failure of the judicial system. And for anyone saying "I'd rather it be her than some [equally unqualified] old white man," you're missing the point, which is to focus on one's professional qualifications and not their race/gender/age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 08:19 PM
18

I am a female lawyer and I concur. This was my immediate thought. It is INSANE to me that some states elect judges because it politicizes a position that should not be political in any way. Usually it ends up being a racist old white man who runs on a "tough on crime" platform, which disgusts me. However, I think having a 25 year old non-lawyer (or non-lawyer of any age, to be frank) is just as concerning. It's no commentary on her as a successful woman, and maybe she is a good judge, but there …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 08:07 PM
7

Thanks, I appreciate you doing that. Fair point on the relationship thing. It's probably because my last relationship was one of those that was actually over a long time before it was over, ya know? Anyway, thank you for looking, just don't want to be out here giving bad advice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 05:55 PM
21

If we get labeled a Pickmeisha, can a mod message us and call us out on our BS? I just noticed my flair and looked through my comments etc but can't figure out how I'm being a pick me. Y'all know change is hard, help!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/05/20 10:37 PM
10

You probably should've read the full post, and also read OP's elaboration in the reply comment she left to me above. Pickmeisha hate is misogynistic when it's directed at the naive type of pickmeisha. For example, blaming a woman for her LVM boyfriend's behavior by saying she isn't standing up to him, is spineless, etc. That's misogynistic. The woman who is the subject of OP's post and others like her are disturbing and it's absolutely appropriate to call them out. I highly doubt OP would say he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 07:49 PM
44

Great post. I've realized there are two distinct kinds of pickmeishas: the dangerous kind and the simply naive kind. There may be some grey area in between, of course. The simply naive ones are what many of us used to be - products of a misogynist society with no strong women to show us the errors of our ways and help us level the fuck up. I think FDS women should try to help these women when we're able to. Often, they immediately latch onto the FDS ideals and start to slowly get it. A lot of my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 06:25 PM
10

And that's why he's your ex! Don't forget it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 06:05 PM
8

I think you're angry because you can't do anything about it. You're probably thinking of specific things that happened and how you would react to them now, and getting mad at your former (pickme) self for reacting the complete opposite back then. It's fine to think through those situations because that means you're learning from them even though they happened a long time ago. That being said, it sounds like it's getting to the point of obsessive thinking. Try to break the thought process when it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 05:57 PM
4

Can we get a link?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 05:42 PM
5

Tentatively very happy is a good place to be :) hope it continues to go well!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 05:38 PM
3

"no thx."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 05:02 AM
15

If you're gonna do OLD I'd recommend Hinge
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 04:29 AM
3

Yikes. I've been MOH in two weddings I didn't support, but neither were this bad! First, you have to privately tell her your concerns. I'm hoping you've discussed this in some form with her before, but if not, it's not too late. The way I see it, we always owe our best friends our complete and utter honesty, especially in matters like this. You have to know they're always gonna do what they want anyway, but we need to voice our concerns upfront because you know it will inevitably blow up in thei…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 04:24 AM
1

Eh, I wouldn't be so quick to call the ex a HVM just because he pays for stuff, or to make fun of the new boyfriend for being insecure about it (though the "I can't compete" thing is a bit pathetic). I think there's something weird about having your ex continue to pay all your bills/buy you gifts. The ex is cool/rich/tall/has a cool job but wasn't ready to commit? Something tells me she's not the only woman he's financially helping out, and is he really getting nothing in return for it? If the m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 12:09 AM
7

You have a good point but the unnecessary aggression really takes away from the message. You can explain why you think she's wrong without attacking her like she's some scrote. She's obviously on OP's side and trying to help; if you think she's wrong, just explain why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 10:42 PM
2

Exactly what I came to post. Like how is this SO upsetting to him?! And gatekeeping how to make drinks because He WaS A BaRtEnDer. GTFO!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 10:10 PM
19

Wow, there's a lot to unpack in this post. You need to get out of this relationship, and here's why. Your boyfriend doesn't sound high value to me. He clearly does not respect your sexual needs or boundaries whatsoever. He should be working with you to find what you like and what makes you feel comfortable, especially if he's aware of your childhood trauma, as that could be affecting things. We're all different here, but "conservative family values" is a red flag to most of us because it general…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 09:51 PM
1

Of course he loves you and goes to great lengths to please you, you sound amazing! It also sounds like he knows he'd be marrying up if he were able to lock you down. I think you know the answer here. Just because he does lots of nice things for you doesn't mean you're compatible in the long run. You seem to have clear differences in values that are non-negotiable to you. If you stay with him, you're just waiting for him to change and subscribe to your belief system, and that's not a good strateg…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 09:25 PM
2

I don't even need to read the whole post - the answer is always yes. No question about it. You may face backlash but who cares? The internet and cell phones has made it too easy for men to do this sort of quasi-cheating stuff on the low. We have an obligation to each other to bring this nonsense to light.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 01:08 AM
9

Yeah, sounds like OP's boyfriend may have a "boys will be boys" attitude, unless he was laughing in a "I can't believe this fucking guy" way. I'd bring up the comment later like, "I can't believe X said that about his daughter, can you?" and see what boyfriend has to say.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 12:37 AM
1

Oh you know it, haha. I told him I didn't wish to speak to him, he apologized and hasn't texted since.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 11:58 PM
12

Obviously a professional setting is different; I meant when it's used in the way it is in this tweet. I usually see it used in this way on the internet, particularly on social media - trying to separate yourself from the other "females" by putting them down in some way, making you CoOl because you've identified a flaw in other women. In a professional setting it's being used as a descriptive term, which is much different.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 08:11 PM
43

This applies to all women, but women going through a breakup should print this out and put it on their door, on their bathroom mirror, on their dashboard...tattoo it on your fucking arm! You are at your most vulnerable right after a breakup and, IMO, shouldn't date at all because your guard is lowered, you're probably not as confident, you're afraid of being alone, etc. After my last breakup I was SO eager to jump back in and find "Mr. Right" (vomit) that I dated some real freaks. Took a 6 month…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 07:36 PM
12

The entire KarJenner clan is full of pick mes. Constantly getting cheated on, lied to, knocked up by LVM and proud of it. All their friends are the same way. It's sad that Kim and Kanye actually have the best relationship out of any of them. Kendall is the only one who seems to have some semblance of a brain, but she's more private than the others, so who knows.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 07:30 PM
8

This is the correct answer - match his energy, take your time responding if you're busy or whatever, but don't treat it as a power game. Playing games is low value behavior. If you're talking to a scrote/an ex/etc - sure, put him in his place and leave his ass on read. But HVM aren't going to be interested in women who play games with them, just like we aren't interested in LVM who play games with us. If you find yourself wanting to leave him on read, I'd say just block him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 07:06 PM
20

It makes me sick when women call other women "females". Pickme level 100!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 06:45 PM
1

Do not fall victim to the sunken cost fallacy. Google that if you need to. You are correct that 5 years down the drain is better than 6, 7, or more...GET OUT.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 06:19 PM
3

You are NOT too far gone. You can absolutely level up RIGHT NOW. You need to understand that it is going to be uncomfortable. Change always is. But it's clear that you are not happy where you are right now and want things to be different. In order to become the confident, independent, FDS woman you want to be - you are going to have to completely break apart the dependency network you have built for yourself. It's like a giant spider web just keeping you in one shitty place. I was also a serial …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 06:13 PM
4

They're out there, just hiding in numbers. I found this one on a dating app too! I'm still a firm believer that they have some value, just have to be SUPER picky and cautious. Good luck girl!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 06:00 PM
4

Ugh, your ex-husband sounds exactly like my best friend's husband. The showboating with money, staying out all night, all the little lies...I've been calling him out for the liar he is for years, but she's still with him. Glad you divorced your ex and found someone amazing. Your brain and heart will adjust to leave behind the fear your ex (and parents) instilled in you, but for now it sounds like he is up to the challenge of helping you through that :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 05:59 PM
4

Ohhh it's my favorite when our intuition calls a situation for what it is and the gaslighting begins - you're paranoid, you're insecure, you're creating issues where there aren't any - then turns out we were right all along! All my life people called me judgmental...nope, just have good intuition about shitty people! I'm convinced it's a uniquely female trait which has developed as a protective measure over thousands of years of evolution :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 05:55 PM
4

YES! Behavior around friends - especially female friends - is another one I thought about adding. It's always tough when you come into a new friend group and suspect that one of the girls has a thing for your man, especially if the girl isn't doing anything you can put your thumb on, but rather your spidey senses are just tingling and you know something is off. The way a man handles it when you bring it up to him speaks VOLUMES!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 05:51 PM
3

This is great! I remember a post a few weeks ago about how in order to have a fulfilling sex life, your pleasure must be his #1 concern. I firmly believe that is the key to success in that area of a relationship, and I truly can't see how anyone can make a relationship last without a fulfilling sex life. Glad you've found someone who is on your page in that area and lots of others :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 05:46 PM
3

WOW. They never cease to amaze me with the depth of their stupidity. Glad you didn't fall for the gaslighting! Good luck in the future!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 05:42 PM
2

Yep,you're 100% right, wish I would've had that mindset earlier in life...won't waste my time like that again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 05:40 PM
1

See my response to rinabean above :) unfortunately not every man you date is going to fall in love with you, even the HVMs. I've learned this the hard way and have been on both ends of it (dated HVM who didn't love me, dated HVM I didn't love). True HVM will only discuss things like the future and finances with a woman they are in love with and see as a future partner. Unfortunately there will not always be a strong love connection, even with the best of HVMs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 03:57 PM
3

Sorry, I should've explained better. I didn't mean they can be HVM and still view you as worthy of nothing. I just meant that a man can be a HVM and unfortunately not be in love with you, meaning he might not want to merge your lives together. I've dated a few guys who I felt were HVMs but it was clear we didn't have that deep meaningful love connection that is necessary for a LTR or marriage. In some of those cases, neither of us really wanted to discuss things like finances or children, becaus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 03:53 PM
6

Exactly! Finally I woke up and realized things should be MUCH different with me than with everyone else. Thank god we've found this sub and hopefully won't waste years of our lives rationalizing nonsense anymore!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 11:25 PM
10

Well you said "it's not a mark that he loves you," so that's the way it sounded. I personally would not allow just anyone to stay in my home, much less leave stuff there, or keep their toothbrush next to mine. You're right that it's easy for men to do this stuff and not give a shit about you. But the ones who do give a shit will certainly make these small efforts in addition to lots of large efforts!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 11:23 PM
5

Yeah, I could fill a book with the reasons I know this one loves me, but I thought it helpful to lay out just a few examples that are 100% required.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 11:11 PM
19

In hindsight it's INSANE that I was able to rationalize those things. But like I said, he was a very private person in general, not just with me. He was weird about his phone, finances, and personal space even with his friends, so I convinced myself it wasn't a reflection on the value of our relationship. I now realize that such behavior is indicative of someone who just doesn't want a long-term partner, or at least didn't want that from me. I hope one day he is able to open up to another woman …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 11:07 PM
7

Ok, sure, some things can apply to "any decent man." But not all decent men are going to talk to you about their financial situation, encourage you to use their home as yours, or be able to emotionally lean on you during a tough time. Those are marks of trust and openness that only come with a meaningful relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 10:56 PM
4

That's what this sub is here for :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 10:05 PM
7

Since the dawn of time, humans have learned important lessons from painful experiences. It can be as simple as a child learning about fire by touching a hot stove top, or as complex as a person learning about deficits of character by having to interact with low-value people (boyfriends, friends, bosses, whoever). Unfortunately you had to go through this long, painful experience - which feels like a giant waste of time - but you learned a plethora of life lessons from it that will benefit you in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 10:02 PM
14

Glad you learned your lesson and won't fall for that again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 09:45 PM
23

You're so right. It's just a state of mind that comes naturally when you're with someone you truly love. As we often say: when a man loves you, you'll know it. Congratulations on over a decade with a wonderful partner!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 09:44 PM
18

Agreed. Phone and money are two seemingly small things that speak volumes about openness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 09:42 PM
20

No. They're things that are indicative of a HVM who views me as a partner. A man can be a HVM but still not be completely open with you in terms of sharing his home and personal things like finances etc. because he doesn't view you as someone worthy of sharing those thing with. Edit: I just read some of your post history...girl, please dump the "decent man" you are no longer attracted to who hasn't taken you on a date in the 3 years you've been with him. He hasn't done a 180 just because he prom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 09:38 PM
2

This. I had to learn this the hard way. Don't worry, this is a success story! :) Got out of a bad LTR about 6 months ago. It was one of those relationships that should've ended a lot sooner than it did and left me with almost no self-esteem, which is something I hadn't experienced in a long time. I immediately jumped into online dating for the first time, thinking I'd go on multiple dates per week and be in a ~perfect~ relationship no time. I had good experiences and bad experiences but finally …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 12:17 AM
1

god is a woman - ariana grande 💅🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/20 05:57 AM
67

I'm a 30F attorney and older male attorneys are constantly hitting on me at the courthouse. GTFO. This isn't 1992, you dinosaurs, and I'm not your intern who you can predatorily creep on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/19 03:38 AM
14

"I love how easy it is to keep your sole focus on alleviating my pain (never yours!), and that, regardless what you do, you’ll never make me feel good enough, loved enough, respected enough, appreciated enough, and so on. (Misery loves company.)" Ouch. Just got out of a one year relationship with a man who was quite high-value on the surface but truly manipulative and narcissistic underneath. They know they have to do objectively "loving" things like say I love you, cook you dinner once in a whi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 03:57 PM
4

I think she's saying that was a previous relationship? Or maybe I misread.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 01:39 PM
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