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wintergreen233 Archive

View 0 posts and 651 comments by wintergreen233 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

I agree with another commenter that I think most red flags aren’t too gender-specific — traits and behaviours that make for unstable or unhealthy relationships can cross genders. Sometimes they may tend to iterate a little differently in men and women, but they’re all pretty similar. One I’ve definitely exhibited in the past is love-bombing — my relationships always moved extremely fast, usually because of me really love-bombing the guy. It’s not healthy. Personally, I’ve worked on that a whole …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/22 05:52 PM
1

I’m not totally closed to it, but on the other hand, one of the best parts of a serious relationship for me has always been living with a partner. I just really enjoy sharing a home with my partner, and all the little moments that come from that. That said, I do like living alone too and I’d consider LAT if a partner wanted, but I think it’s unlikely that a permanent LAT dynamic would work for me. I’d have to judge it in the situation, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/22 05:53 AM
5

You should read some unvarnished accounts from former porn stars who have left the industry about the work. Even Jenna Jameson has written quite bluntly about frankly disturbing levels of pain she endured during and after filming some scenes. So have many, many women who have left the industry. It’s worth noting, for instance, that a solid number of female porn stars stop doing scenes with men once they become bankable enough to refuse without risking their careers. As soon as they have the opti…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/22 02:29 AM
1

I’m sorry you haven’t experienced it, and that you see the potential of relationships only through that lens. But if it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/22 02:07 AM
6

Women generally do not use porn at similar rates to men. And first-hand experience is different than porn, and since most porn is made with male fantasies in mind, even women who do use porn prior to becoming sexually active may not find it reflects what turns out to be their actual interests. Before I started having sex, there was lots of stuff I thought I’d be into sexually, or thought I was supposed to like because I’d seen so much of it, but when I did become sexually active, I learned I rea…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/22 01:40 AM
1

I’ll say this: for those with the temperament and desire for it, which ultimately is most (but not all) people, male and female, there is no equivalent to the companionship offered by a stable, happy romantic pair bond. It’s not truly replaceable by even the best platonic friendship. In a healthy, loving relationship, the other person is like… the warm, cozy fire at the heart of your life. It’s never going to be perfect, but they’re the person you want to wake up beside, the person you’re glad t…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/22 01:34 AM
20

For me, it’s not accurate that sleeping with someone sooner means I’m more attracted to them. It’s a matter of taking responsibility for my own feelings. If I really like the guy, I would be hurt if we had sex and he ghosted. In that case, I want to take a minute to feel things out and see if we’re on the same page. It doesn’t take that long, but just a little bit to see if we have similar intentions. (Plus, when the chemistry is that good, letting the sexual tension build for a sec can be… real…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/22 12:15 AM
2

Not a man, but I can say this about the men in my life who are in happy and healthy relationships: they really like their female partners. They like living with them. They like building a life with them, making a home with them, raising kids with them. They’re happier taking on the world with their wife as their partner in all things, then they would be without. They like the years of memories they’ve made together, and are still making. And they respect and admire each other. My brother, for in…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/22 10:16 PM
9

Just because you sow the oats, doesn’t mean they sprout. It’s a turn of phrase for promiscuity, it doesn’t only refer to literally impregnating multiple women.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/22 07:45 PM
1

Anecdotally, I’ve seen that between one and two years is when the real incompatibilities come out, or a relationship bound mostly by lust really starts to struggle. The majority of break-ups I can think of amongst my friend group over the years were around the 2 year mark. But obviously that can happen sooner or way, way, way later.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/22 07:14 PM
1

It depends on the dynamic. Let’s start with this: conflict is always a part of relationships. In healthy relationships, couples tend to be able to navigate it by recognizing on some level (whether they articulate it this way or not) that they’re both on the same side, which is the side of the relationship. They are equally committed to wanting the relationship to be good, so they work through their conflict by listening, seeing each other’s point of view, and finding ways to resolve the issue to…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/22 07:11 PM
0

Height is neither here nor there for me. I’m short and tend to date short men. Full head of hair is attractive. In terms of my personal preferences, strong jaws are a major turnoff. I don’t find square jaws attractive on men. I always like guys with slightly softer features, baby faces. I like guys with really big, open eyes. What you’ve described is not attractive to me. White teeth is very attractive. Straightness isn’t important, I have a long-standing thing for guys with slightly fucked up t…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/22 04:44 PM
8

All of these things are annoying, insofar as most people on dating apps want to meet genuine matches and don’t want to have their time wasted or be made to feel uncomfortable by people who have motives other than dating. If you had to define which is “worse,” I’d probably argue that someone selling a service you’re not interested in buying (sex work) is less objectionable than someone attempting to demand intimate things from you in an inappropriate way, while deliberately fraudulent, predatory …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/22 05:36 AM
2

Aye, I know, this is why I want to change. There’s still something very innate about that fear and anxiety though that unfortunately can’t be overcome as simply as knowing it isn’t helpful. Working on it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 10:59 PM
1

Aye, we only have two such shops in my city and they’re staggeringly expensive — like $300 for just the bra. I’m hoping to find a cute brand I can order from online that I don’t know about that’s a bit more reasonably priced.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 07:27 PM
1

Ah yeah, I’m not looking for anything that cheap. Nothing that’s gonna be torn! And maybe I’m using “lingerie” wrong in terms of what I refers to — mostly I just want matching bra and underwear sets that are a little more fancy than the Calvin Klein basics I tend to stick with.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 07:17 PM
1

Target failed here when it tried to open in Canada. We do have wal-mart and such, but honestly I can’t stand big box stores and prefer not to shop at them. Very interested in smaller brands though!
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 06:58 PM
1

Target won’t ship to Canada, Google tells me. Plus, shipping to Canada is usually insane.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 06:55 PM
1

No Target where I am! I’m also kinda looking for sexy matching sets.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 06:33 PM
1

Ughhh I refuse. I have a lot of tactile issues around touch. (I can’t wear anything too soft or wool either.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 03:16 PM
2

Q4W: where do you like for cute lingerie or sexier bra / underwear sets that aren’t wildly expensive? I was never into lingerie, never felt cute in it, always made me feel ridiculous. But I’d like to up my underwear game, so want to try again to find something more sexy. One issue I have is that synthetic lace and the like drives me nuts… so scratchy and uncomfortable. I had that issue every time I tried on most VS stuff. But there must be something good out there!
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 03:09 PM
8

They actually did an interesting experiment awhile back that found both women and men were more selective when they were the ones being approached, and less when they were the ones doing the approaching.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 03:00 AM
16

I agree, and I’ve been working on it — the last few years I’ve been way more assertive about making the first move, and on OLD I basically always do, but there are still many IRL occasions where I could be assertive about showing interest and am not. I’ve just always been terribly afflicted by the standard fear of either being rejected, or being too forward with a guy who turns out to be married or in a serious relationship. But I don’t think allowing those fears to hold one back is a good thing…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 02:39 AM
1

“Hard” implies that he’s had to do something difficult to get me to like him. He hasn’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 02:35 AM
-1

I literally just explained it. If I like the guy, it’s because of who he is, as he is. He didn’t have to do anything difficult or “hard,” just exist. If I don’t like the guy romantically, there’s nothing he could have done differently.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 12:19 AM
1

It very rarely happens. But I wouldn’t say it’s “hard.” He’s a person for me or he isn’t. If he is, nothing really he had to do to achieve that.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/22 12:10 AM
3

He had a second kid with Grimes (they’re not still together), but he also had twins last year with one of his executives, though they claim they didn’t have a sexual relationship and the twins were conceived via IVF.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/22 09:29 PM
1

I have many totally platonic straight male friends, who have all been friends for many years. No issues, no attraction, nobody catching feelings or wanting to date, no jealousy, no problems. A couple of those friends even started off as OLD dates and we mutually agreed ours was a definite friend vibe, so we kept it that way. So yeah, I don’t know. True, long-lasting platonic relationships between the sexes aren’t rare in my social circles.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/22 07:41 PM
3

I don’t worry about it anymore, only because I worked in abortion care for awhile and that left me feeling very confident in my ability to navigate an unplanned pregnancy if it happened. Demystifying what would happen made it a much less scary thing to me. Prior to that, yeah I was constantly anxious about getting pregnant. Now I just feel secure in the various contraceptive methods I use, and very secure in my ability to handle it.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/22 04:30 PM
10

The morning after pill isn’t abortifacient. It was theorized that Plan B could disrupt implantation of a fertilized egg, which is why they list that potential method of action in the information pamphlet, and if you believe that life begins at fertilization (many medical experts only consider a pregnancy to begin at the point of implantation) then you’d consider that abortifacient. However, while some religious organizations still insist that method of action is the definitely the case, the best…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/22 04:20 PM
1

Nah.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/22 06:17 AM
6

Sex doesn’t magically change people into something different than they are. A person who has never had sex is just a person who has never had sex. Whether or not the sex someone has results in more significant life changes such as trauma or motherhood is dependent on whether they have traumatic events or a pregnancy, not whether or not they’ve had sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 11:29 PM
16

The thing is, attraction and love isn’t a rational thing. At least, not to me, and not to lots of people. Some parts of it are, but that core driving emotion, the “yes” or the “no,” isn’t something you can rank. In other words, if I’m into a guy, then he’s going to be a 10 to me at that time because I’m into him. My past partners have been similar in some ways and very different in others. I couldn’t really assign them a ranking number.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 10:57 PM
24

“Not orgasm as a direct result of penetrative sex” and “do not experience sexual pleasure” are worlds and worlds apart. I don’t typically orgasm from intercourse. But I orgasm with a partner in other ways, and even without orgasm I experience a great deal of sexual pleasure.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 10:45 PM
44

I just have to like the guy, both in terms of physical and personal chemistry, compatibility and attraction. That’s nothing I can rank on a scale. My expectation is I like him, and that doesn’t always follow a checklist of what looks good on paper. It’s a yes or no, not a ranked chart.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 09:10 PM
–

That’s basically my process! First impression is physical: if a guy would never be someone I’d be attracted to, or else if he’s clearly totally out of my league, instant left swipe. If he’s someone I could be attracted to, quick scan of bio. If no bio, instant left swipe. If any obvious dealbreakers or just clear we’re not a personality match, consider for a moment and then left swipe. If bio is at least a little promising, right swipe.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 07:36 PM
–

It’s the same on all apps for me. If he doesn’t have a bio, it indicates to me he doesn’t see personality fit as an important factor for him to advertise, aka he’s probably mostly looking for a hook-up. Or is just really boring. And also, I mean, I only have so much time to chat and go on dates, I gotta prioritize guys where I have at least a sense that we could be a match. So yeah, no bio = left swipe every time.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 06:32 PM
–

Depends what you’re looking for, I think. For hook-ups it probably doesn’t matter. If you’re looking more for a relationship, it probably does. Speaking personally, I swipe left on every guy without a bio, no matter what he looks like — I need to get at least some sense of what we have in common and what his personality is like. If he has no bio I assume he only wants hook-ups and move on.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 06:21 PM
10

Co-signing this. Definitely not cheating in my opinion, but definitely is a massive turn-off.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 05:26 PM
5

That’s true about the face. I made friends with this kid this summer (way young for me, so this wasn’t a romantic thing at all) who is 23 and shaves totally bald, dunno if preference or necessity. It really worked for him — dude had an absolutely gorgeous face. Amazing cheekbones. And being bald really highlighted how just… beautiful he was. He picked up hot chicks left right and centre, so the baldness didn’t seem a problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 05:24 PM
2

Answering the Q4W question, though my dating age range is above yours. You’re right that balding (as in, not shaving what remains) is a major turn-off at a certain point. It’s just never a good look, in my opinion. For outright bald, I’d never found it attractive or dated a bald guy until I fell ludicrously in lust with this one guy in his late 20s. He’d started losing his hair super young so just shaved it all off very early. I was so fucking attracted to him it was insane. That ended a couple …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 05:18 PM
13

Usually, long before one proposes, you and your partner should have talked about the idea of getting married to make sure you’re on the same page. During that discussion, it’s a fine time to ask a partner things like what kind of ring they want, and whether they’d find an heirloom meaningful or want something new. The proposal itself can still be a surprise, but it’s good to have these discussions in advance.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 04:52 AM
8

Definitely isn’t racially associated.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 03:19 AM
3

Ahaha, that’s killing me.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 01:13 AM
8

Still the same dynamics, I think. My first adult boyfriend had horrible hygiene and his home was a shitshow. He didn’t wash dishes, know how to do laundry, anything. I put up with it, but I also set about fixing it and basically teaching him how to take care of himself on a basic level. I left that guy way, way better than I found him. In retrospect, if I’d had better self esteem at the time I don’t think I would have dated him at all. He was a good guy and a decent boyfriend other than that, bu…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 01:13 AM
1

Not like that. Not that energy, where it’s electric. My closest best friends, male and female, and I know each other inside and out and totally understand each other; but the connection isn’t so… loaded. As I said, I have a difficult time articulating this because it’s not something that’s easy to define. It’s an energy, the proverbial spark, and it’s there or it’s not. And it isn’t just physical, and it isn’t just personality — it’s always both, but also something hard to predict about how both…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 01:07 AM
1

It’s hard for me to pinpoint what causes the difference, for myself, because it isn’t any one set of things. It’s more like an energy that exists between people based on how they click: it’s there or it isn’t, and it doesn’t necessarily follow what it “should” on paper, so long as he generally falls into my broad physical “type.” What I will say is this. Whenever I find that sort of hot sexual and romantic chemistry with a guy, there’s a very strong, difficult-to-articulate vibe of: I know you. …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 12:36 AM
24

Unfortunately, a lot of toxic behaviours are quite successful at triggering insecure people’s issues, and a lot of us are insecure or otherwise just not super mentally healthy in some way. For people with anxious attachment, for instance, some of the worst behaviour around emotional unavailability is basically like crack — very hard to get off it once you’ve gotten hooked. And that’s why people don’t tend to kick those people to the curb even when they should.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 12:20 AM
1

Yes, you’ve completely misinterpreted. I never once said “just don’t be fat and have a great personality.” First off: I didn’t say it applied to “most women.” I said it was a “pretty common attraction style.” The word “common” does not necessarily imply majority; only that isn’t rare. Many women find that physical attraction is significantly impacted by their personal chemistry with someone. Second, nobody disagrees that being super hot gets you far better chances of people being attracted to yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/10/22 12:11 AM
37

Well, I think RP is generally accurate about tendencies in dating behaviour on a population level. Honestly, a lot of its core tenets are common sense, and most are reasonable observations about common dynamics that can positively or negatively impact chances of dating success for either sex. What I typically take issue with is how often those observations are treated as universal rules of behaviour, rather than tendencies at a broad level — “AWALT” and the like. Humans are simply too diverse, a…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/22 11:35 PM
22

Physical: obesity. Small eyes. Stocky build / “dad bod.” Very square jaw. Lots of body hair. Bad hygiene, though that’s pretty universal. Pattern baldness, though if he just shaves it all off that’s cool, I do find fully bald guys attractive. Non-physical: very aggressive or dominant. Has to have his way all the time. Bad listener. Critical of everything. Prone to anger. Too high-strung, or too high-energy in general. Lack of empathy. Lack of intellectual interests.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/22 10:04 PM
1

I never think a guy is hitting on me unless he’s making it quite obvious. If he’s being normal, then my assumption is that he isn’t hitting on me. Even if he’s a little flirty, I assume he’s just like that for fun and not hitting on me specifically.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/22 07:00 PM
5

It doesn’t appear “mysteriously” at all. It appears when I have a very strong personal connection with someone, nothing mysterious about that. If a guy lights up my mind, he’ll light up my lust. This is a pretty common attraction style for women. And no, the attraction doesn’t go, at all. The attraction will remain incredibly strong until whatever relationship develops (or doesn’t) has fully run its course, and then for quite awhile after that until I am fully over that person. As far as the guy…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/22 03:17 AM
3

I’m honestly not super helpful about activities because for me it’s sort of built-in to what I do for work — I end up being mostly around like-minded people. One thing that comes to mind is that getting involved in volunteer activities around interests or causes that you’re into is a good way to start building a social network of people with more overlap in interests.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 08:11 PM
9

To start I totally believe you that most women you encounter are like this. I believe you because I’m a woman who is quite an intellectually curious person, and is intensely interested and professionally involved in a lot of those subjects — global events, history, politics, philosophy, etc. — and most men I meet are exactly the same as the disinterested women you describe. “Oh that’s crazy” when they’re obviously bored out of their minds is the verbatim response from the vast majority of guys I…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 07:34 PM
7

I love whenever someone says something like “this is the harsh truth women gotta face it!!” as if we don’t know.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 03:46 PM
11

For me, attraction is influenced massively by personal chemistry, which is to say compatible senses of humour, compatible conversation styles, similar interests and worldviews, and ways of interacting with the world. That factor is by far the primary driver of all sexual desire and attraction for me, so long as broad physical parameters are met (basically, I don’t date obese men). I give this example often, but: the man I have outright lusted for the most in my entire life is someone I’d known c…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/22 03:41 PM
30

This is 100% of the times I’ve used a hotel gym. “Hmm, instead of sitting around in my room, I should make an effort to be active on this trip and go to the gym.” I last 10 minutes max and get bored and go back to my room.
/r/seduction25/10/22 04:30 AM
1

Just in my personal experience. One, “good at sex” has a number of factors. Some are intrapersonal — there’s a matter of if your likes and overall preferred sex vibe happens to click with their likes and vibe. And I think that’s to some extent independent of past experience, though obviously the better you know yourself the better you can find that chemistry with others. Personal chemistry and emotion involved impacts it too — when you’re really tied up in someone emotionally the sex benefits a …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 05:38 PM
16

So to be clear, in your view, women only have issues with cheating because they’re “creatures of feeling.” And since cheating that takes precautions not to directly impact the relationship must be “logically” okay, and men are “logical, rational” people, then by your view men must be cool with their female partners cheating so long as they’re taking all the same precautions, yes? How strange that this isn’t the case! Look, this is coming from someone that doesn’t consider cheating as big a deal …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 02:40 PM
4

This is it, yeah. Social media allows people who have been in each other’s social sphere in some other way to extend that connection.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 06:08 AM
4

A good relationship is a good relationship; you don’t need to get into high numbers to have one or recognize it. Again: you could have been in two very good long-term relationships that didn’t work out for all the typical reasons, and learned a lot from that about to avoid and what you need out of a relationship in the future, or had 20 mediocre hook-ups. The latter situation probably will have taught you much less overall about what you want out of a relationship. N-count simply isn’t an indica…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 06:04 AM
3

For what it’s worth, when I think of probably the most stunning man I’ve ever known IRL, me and all the women I know who knew him talked all the time about how gorgeous he was (also legit one of the kindest, sweetest, all-around decent men you’ll ever meet), but none of us even attempted to hit on him because we knew he was way out of our league. People who are that good looking are usually just intimidating to most of us normal folk, heh.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 05:53 AM
5

I think having experience gives you a better sense of what’s good for you and what you want, but I’d suggest that there’s not much of a correlation between raw N-count numbers (as in, if you’ve only slept with two people but those were both good relationships, you probably have just as high and likely even higher expectations for a partner than someone who has had one good relationship but 20 mediocre short-term hookups), and also that this only largely impacts the initial vetting stages. Once y…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 05:37 AM
8

Yeah, but you tend to remember them all rather vaguely after they’ve passed. At best, they gave you an appreciation for what good food can be. Setting that aside, at some point (long prior to this) the analogy is a clumsy one and reaches a limit very fast. The point remains: people don’t tend to directly compare exes to current partners the way OP describes. Memories of exes fade, both in terms of specifics and in terms of feeling. When people date people they like, which they typically do, most…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 05:14 AM
5

Yeah. We have those discussions too. But when people are falling for someone new, the vast majority of people aren’t sitting there “constantly thinking” of past partners and aren’t comparing them to all their previous ones down to smallest details like OP describes. They’re enjoying being with that person.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 04:59 AM
5

I mean, I could show you photos of the men I have lusted after, pursued, and been wildly attracted to, and you’d see that they’re all pretty average dudes. And I could show you photos of the guys my friends have done the same for, who are also mostly pretty average. But I’m sure you’d still find a reason not to believe that this happens. Yes, women experience attraction. No, it’s not to the majority of men for any one of us, but there are many factors that influence it, and most of us are dating…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 04:39 AM
7

Well, considering you get to choose where you eat, you don’t have to eat at a Red Lobster unless you really, really like it.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 03:40 AM
7

Exactly. I was with my most recent long-term ex for 10 years and I can barely remember sex with him in any amount of specifics. I know it was wonderful — that’s the “vibes” like you say — because I remember the qualitative feeling of it, but I absolutely cannot remember much detail. When I was with a man recently who I was having amazing sex with, I definitely wasn’t thinking about my ex. Couldn’t tell you which of the two was “better.” I know the current guy has a much different style than my e…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 12:15 AM
3

In terms of how it impacts their very broad expectations of what is good and bad, but nobody normal thinks about a new partner they like in the way OP describes in his post.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 12:09 AM
8

I’m not saying “sex is like a restaurant.” I’m saying that how we experience things in the present doesn’t tend to be a matter of making direct comparison to every similar thing in the past; it’s not how our brains work. You can replace “restaurant” in this scenario with any other type of experience one might have. Someone else in the comments made essentially the same point, but with watching a sunrise as the example. Still fits.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/22 12:06 AM
6

Nah. I’m talking about the difference between how we as individuals experience memory of the past vs. experience of the present. You’re wanting to make a point about your external perception of someone’s N-count, so you’re trying to make this a different discussion.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 11:55 PM
6

Yeah, clearly I’m not saying a relationship is like being at a restaurant, obviously it’s way more complex. What I’m saying, clumsily in this case, is that we experience things in the “now” without constant direct comparison to similar things in the past. When you’re attracted to and falling for a guy, you’re wrapped up in him, and in that experience of being attracted to falling for him — you’re not sitting there coldly ticking off ways he is or isn’t better or worse than previous partners. Wha…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 11:47 PM
18

First, because this is PPD, to be crystal clear: I don’t care if you or any guy prefer lower N-count people, if that’s important to you then have at it, have whatever preferences or standards you want, you don’t need to justify it, it’s all good. But to answer the question about “why not be insecure,” I think the error in thinking is the belief that everyone is directly and constantly comparing anyone they are with to everyone they have ever been with. At least in my experience, that’s not how p…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 10:41 PM
3

Workplace affairs are common and usually don’t involve much “wooing and begging.” Just sufficient contact, lowered inhibitions and opportunity (the latter two reasons being why conferences are inevitably such major sources of it). You’re of course correct about how easy it is for famous people to cheat — much of my career involved being around pro athletes and famous entertainers, and I always say not a single one of them doesn’t cheat — but it’s not as rare for the “average” person overall as y…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 04:31 PM
1

Cheating is far more common at the “average” person’s level than your “once every two decades” comment would suggest.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 04:15 PM
2

You made the statement that if Ned was a middle manager he wouldn’t have had opportunities to cheat. I’m saying that statement isn’t accurate. That’s all.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 03:43 PM
2

Sure, celebrities get more attention, nobody argues that. I’m just saying that dismissing the ability of the average man to cheat, when most cheating occurs in average men and women and is very often due to workplace contacts, is an error.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 03:38 PM
6

If you think middle managers “don’t have opportunities to cheat,” I’m just going to assume you’ve never been at any professional conferences. Cheating galore, generally involving people in thoroughly unremarkable desk jockey positions. Also worth noting that Ned cheated with someone he worked with, who they had known for quite awhile. This is pretty typical, and not just for celebrities.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/22 03:30 PM
2

It depends on the people, their personalities, and their expectations and desires out of life, I think. Some people can certainly be content in marriages like that. For others it would horrible. I am in the latter category, but that’s because I don’t look to a relationship for anything except love and being with that person who is your closest companion, so being hitched to someone I didn’t love and who didn’t love me sounds unbearable. If you come from a culture or even just a personal view whe…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/22 10:57 PM
9

I think that most people change quite a bit over a decade, especially if they’ve had major life events in that time such as a marriage and becoming a parent. And especially between a time frame such as being a teenager and being a grown adult. I think it’s pretty normal that what you look for in a partner also changes in that time, which means that you might reconnect with someone and find that you develop feelings for them that you didn’t have before. You’ve both grown and changed. To be honest…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/22 10:21 PM
–

Ok but hear me out: they were really, really fucking comfortable hoodies
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/22 04:53 AM
1

You’re still not thinking of it the right way. You just do or don’t have a connection with someone. Most of the time when you meet someone, you don’t. Sometimes you do, and those are the people you will have a chance to form a relationship with.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 06:39 PM
2

Ah yes, if you’ve never dated that may be the disconnect. Trust me, you know connection when you find it. It’s not really about what you “hope” someone is, though that can be affected by it quite dramatically for better or worse. Connection is simply the energy that exists between people. Connection is the thing you build on.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 06:31 PM
4

When people talk about “feeling a connection” with someone they’re very newly dating, they’re generally talking about personal chemistry and compatibility: that spark, the way two personalities mesh. That good energy that comes when you just seem to “get” each other, are energized talking to and spending time with each other, understand each other’s perspectives, click with each other’s senses of humour, find that conversation flows very easily and naturally, you feel drawn to each other, etc. A…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 06:08 PM
5

I suspect we’re talking about different things.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 06:00 PM
3

Not sure what you’re thinking of when you say “connection,” but it most typically happens within days or weeks of spending time together at the absolute most.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 05:52 PM
17

Congrats on discovering that good-looking people can still have unattractive personalities that make people not want to date them. Also, why do you care about the fact that women you “wouldn’t even look at twice” and “(weren’t) even interested in” also weren’t interested in you? I spend absolutely zero time thinking about whether men I wasn’t interested in were interested in me, I recommend the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 05:27 PM
10

A thousand times this. I have several female friends where we always joke about being each other’s perfect wingwomen, because we will never, ever, ever be attracted to the same man. And so far, we never have.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 03:32 PM
15

Yeah, when I’m falling in love the guy is the most beautiful, primally desirable person in the world to me. Even if I hadn’t seen him as anything special the first time we met. It absolutely transforms how you perceive people.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 03:24 PM
11

I’m the same way. I’ve been wildly, head over heels attracted to men who wouldn’t be considered anything special by conventional standards to an outside observer. The guy I’m just dippy lustful for right now, my best friends are like… well, they’re happy for me, but let’s just say he’s not their type. I can barely look at him without wanting to rip his clothes off. It always happens like that, it’s fine. There are people who are highly conventionally attractive, and then there are the people you…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 03:21 PM
0

Can’t speak to whether women are better at oral, but I mean, whether or not they’re any good still depends on enthusiasm and desire to be down in the general region. As for me, a strap-on could never be as good as a dick, for sure. The reason it isn’t more common is that most women are heterosexual, I’d think. We do like sex with men, griping about bad instances doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy and desire it.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 03:14 PM
2

No. I’m not at all sexually interested in women, and wouldn’t enjoy having any sort of sexual contact with one.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 05:53 AM
1

No. She’s still a woman, and I’m not sexually attracted to women at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 02:08 AM
1

I work in a broadly creative field. Would rather not get more specific.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 01:16 AM
10

For me personally, I expect a man to be self-supporting, have good personal finance skills and able to live within his means. I don’t care what those means are beyond his ability to support himself as an adult. I’m not rich by any means but I’ve always been the higher earner in my relationships, assume I will be in the future based on the career fields of who I tend to date, and don’t put any importance in the actual number of their income. Poverty doesn’t mean men are doomed to be single — poor…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 11:11 PM
21

The problem is it’s not the physical spaces that we lack, it’s the community structure associated with a space. Community has eroded significantly in our current urban social arrangement as compared to how humans historically socially organize, and in my mind there’s no question that‘s significantly altered how we meet and date people, and not necessarily for the better. But you can’t build healthy community as easily as you can design a space.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 09:22 PM
5

Maybe! The scenario you describe is actually less hot of a fantasy to me, but I’m not a huge fan of receiving oral. I do enjoy it with the right person, but I can generally take it or leave it, so two guys focusing on that kind of thing doesn’t quite light my fire the same way.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 09:05 PM
15

This is one of my major fantasies. Never done it, not sure I ever will or would even necessarily want to make it a reality. I’ve never explored group sex and not sure it’s something I’d actually want to do; maybe with a very secure partner who was similarly very into the idea, and even then I’d want us to approach it very carefully. But it’s definitely one of my hottest fantasies in my head. Why? I dunno, pretty simple I guess: I love penetrative sex and love giving blow jobs, being able to do b…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 08:20 PM
17

For myself personally, I’m a firm believer that the first date or two at least should be separate cheques. (If we’re just getting drinks at a bar we can just alternate buying arounds.) After that, if we continue dating and want to treat each other, we can trade off, I’m happy to pick up the first tab and he can get the next. Personally, I am absolutely against men paying for all dates. I don’t think it’s fair to men, and I don’t like the dynamic it introduces. Other people can do whatever they w…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 05:23 PM
2

I’d tell him that he needs to decide if he wants to change his life. And I mean really decide. If he does, then he will have to be willing to make changes that don’t amount to much at first. But nothing will change unless he tries. What I’ve found useful to start is to sit down with a notebook (or an open document on a laptop) and break life down into main areas: work, social life, physical health, living situation, dating. Prioritize these roughly — for someone in this situation, for instance, …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 03:01 PM
4

If it’s not a demographic you want to date anyway, I’d say don’t worry about it. I put not a single millisecond of thought into the dating habits or preferences of men I’m not interested in. I strongly recommend that approach!
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 02:03 PM
4

No? I insist on paying for myself on early dates, often treat the men I date, and am quite active in suggesting date locations and ideas.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 02:01 PM
3

Nah. Sex drive is obviously a part of sexuality and sexual response, but the latter includes things that aren’t just simply summarized as “drive.”
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 05:59 AM
6

And an overall sexuality difference.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 05:55 AM
10

That’s fine, but there’s certainly a general gender disparity in how attraction works, as you have observed.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 05:39 AM
21

I’m not attracted to the vast majority of men, that doesn’t mean I find them “ugly,” and I find the large majority of women say similar. And it’s not that we “underrate” guys at first when we grow to find them more attractive, it’s that physical attraction and desire for many women simply works a bit differently than it does for many men. At any rate, I can assure you that how I perceive male attractiveness has little relationship with how I perceive my own.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 05:33 AM
12

And I disagree that’s the implication of the advice, and to be frank I’ve never once seen anyone suggest the majority of women will be down with that. Your error is in assuming the advice is concerned in any way with whether or not men get laid out of the deal. “If you wanna fuck then just say that” carries no implication of what percentage will agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 10:16 PM
12

It’s not a trap, it’s literally just asking for people to give you honest information so you can judge if your needs and wants are compatible. If anything, deliberately misleading people to think that a relationship could be on the table when it is not is the “trap.”
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 10:10 PM
18

Yes, the majority won’t, but the point of the advice is to be considerate of other people and their needs, and not simply to maximize chances of men getting laid. That still does not make it a “trap.”
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 08:35 PM
19

Some women will be okay with that. Some won’t. Being honest allows those not okay to see themselves out, if they wish. That’s really all there is to the recommendation.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 08:16 PM
21

The other thing is, people continue to seek companionship at all ages. My mom remarried at 65 to a man she’d met at 60. Just the other day I was chatting with an old friend who is 92 and freshly courting one of the widows in his little village, they quite enjoy each other’s company. I’ve met couples at personal care homes who met and married in the care home and are utterly delightful together and very much smitten. What dating and companionship may look like evolves as we age. It certainly has …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 08:13 PM
18

People don’t generally think in those terms, and “a trap” implies a deliberate deception of some kind. We just think it’s better and more respectful for people to be honest with each other about what they want out of a relationship. At the end of the day, it’s still each person’s responsibility to gauge whether any type of relationship is good for them or not, and deal with their hurt feelings if it doesn’t turn out how they hoped, but that process would be better if people respected each other …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 07:59 PM
26

Me, discovering aging and mortality exists because of a post on PPD: oh my GOD WHAT
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 07:53 PM
43

Correct, we think it’s good to be honest with people about what you want, so that both parties can have the best information to decide if it’s a good situation for them and their interests align. This isn’t a “trap,” it’s called “thinking it’s a decent way to treat people.”
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 07:50 PM
44

Yep, I’m aware that people get older. Still not going to sleep with men I don’t like and am not interested in so that I can have the immense honour of being an “easy lay” for them, lol. Doesn’t add anything to my life, now or in the future.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 07:37 PM
30

No specific “end goal.” There’s too much outside our control for that, so I take life how it happens, stay open to where it goes, and enjoy what I find along the way.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 07:00 PM
74

This is it. Every time we have a post here about how unattractive yet “picky” older women are, it’s just like, okay, so don’t worry about us then! We’re fine, not your problem, move along and focus on the women you actually like. …Yet for a certain subset of men on this sub that just doesn’t seem to happen.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 05:18 PM
78

I’m 40. Absolutely, I can “afford” to be as selective as I want. There’s no downside for me in ensuring I only date and sleep with men I’m attracted to, and losing out on the chance to be an “easy lay” for someone I’m not interested in and don’t want to sleep with isn’t a loss. I like who I like, some of them are interested in me back, there are lots of great men out there and life goes on just fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 04:46 PM
2

Yep, thank you. The default in this sub tends to be “men never get interest, they won’t pick up on it, so if they don’t respond they just missed it.” Hasn’t been my experience, I can read social cues well enough, and if we’re in that “feeling out” stage where I’m putting out signs of interest and he’s not picking any of them up or returning them, then chances are very high he’s catching the vibe but just not interested in me, and I’ll politely back off so as not to be a nuisance. There has been …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 03:47 PM
3

Tease videos like you describe can maybe be appealing but nothing compared to erect dick, and if they don’t get to the dick in the end it’s just a tease without gratification and I move on. Piques my interest but doesn’t arouse me. And yeah, dick images help with the imagination and fantasy for sure. For forearms and hands: I like forearms and hands with slender, elegant bone structure. For hands, I go wild for what people often call “piano player’s hands,” with the forearms to match. Just sort …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 01:43 PM
3

Oh, it’s erect dicks for sure. Has to be attached to a body I like (skinny or lean, anything overweight turns me right off), but yeah good photos of nice erect dicks and videos of men masturbating revvs the engine quite nicely. For the second question: I need to clarify that this is regarding men I already desire. For me, true sexual desire takes a little bit of time and personal chemistry to develop as well as physical attraction. I’ve never simply looked at a guy and wanted to have sex with hi…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 01:29 PM
14

Two broad parts of this answer. When I’m feeling horny anyway, visuals of men’s bodies in certain contexts does arouse me — I hang out on some of the men’s gonewild subs for this reason. It’s not all the time, but yeah if I’m feeling that itch, certain types of images of male bodies arouses me intensely and makes masturbation much better. Videos of men jerking off is particularly arousing to me. More importantly, in the context of a relationship or someone I desire IRL, I absolutely lust after h…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 01:00 PM
1

Eh, ultimately I have to trust my own judgment of how I’m reading their social cues too. I have no problem being direct and making the first move when I think it’s appropriate, but I’m not going to make myself a nuisance if that initial feeling-out process is coming up dry.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 12:45 PM
31

I’ll be honest: there have been times I’ve shown what I think is pretty clear interest in a guy and he hasn’t responded, but my assumption there is that he wasn’t interested, not that he “missed it.”
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 04:03 AM
6

It’s hard to name a specific instance, because every male partner I’ve ever had has opened up many times, and not only did I not lose attraction, it made me feel even more intimately connected with them, more in love with them, and thus more attracted to them than I was before because we just felt ever more deeply bonded.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 02:13 AM
5

There are regions where prostitution is either legal or decriminalized. As far as I’m aware, relationship dynamics continue more or less the same in those regions as it did before. I think you oversimplify what men are seeking when they look to date women, and also poorly understand what women are thinking when they look to date men. As a result, you overestimate the impact legalization has or would have. To be blunt: women who don’t want to sleep with you in the first place aren’t going to be e…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 02:11 AM
3

Living apart together is a thing that some women do want or would be open to, although it is a minority. However, wanting a child but only with a surrogate who is not your partner basically eliminates any pool you would have. Women who don’t want children will be fine not having a child, but they will not want to date someone who does, and will not be looking to “share the joy of parenting” with you. Meanwhile, women who do want children and would want to parent will rightfully absolutely not ag…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/22 05:49 PM
10

Yeah we do, we constantly talk both IRL and on Reddit about guys who are “good-looking, just not my type.”
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/22 04:12 PM
24

Yes, no question (and that goes for women too). Being fit increases the number of people who will be attracted to you, being overweight reduces it. Personally, I’m super attracted to skinny / scrawny guys, basically any lean body type is hot to me. Skinny fat can be attractive to me too, depending. But so many guys are overweight, and at least IMO almost all of them would be more attractive and do better dating if they got in better shape. Good diet is key, but exercise + diet is best.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/22 04:57 PM
9

LOL, sure, yeah. You’re right. All of the horniness and lust for a man I’ve ever experienced has just been a figment of my imagination, for sure. P.S. writing on female sexuality, arousal and desire existed long, long before feminism.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/22 04:46 PM
2

Somewhat off-topic, but I’d remove language extinction as a potential casualty of immigration or birth rate. The forces that impact language decline are more about the political, cultural and economic power driving dominant languages to swallow up smaller ones, and historical and environmental factors causing the severing of transmission. Most languages at extinction risk are Indigenous languages; many of these groups have relatively high birth rates, but their languages have been heavily damage…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/22 12:26 PM
2

Certain activities make sense to have a sex-segregation option, for sure. I do agree that we need more and a wider variety of connected social spaces though.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 06:11 PM
8

Every yoga class I’ve been to has had men in it, not a big deal. It’s majority women, but not typically sex-segregated, and a man being present doesn’t change your practice since it’s an entirely individual practice. If anyone is actually suggesting it to men as a place to meet women though, terrible advice, as it’s not a space very suitable or appropriate for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 05:23 PM
1

LOL, possibly. Then again, not like it could be any overtly hornier for him than I told him point blank to his face a hundred times.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 12:10 AM
1

step one: acquire sexy lingerie. Been meaning to do that anyway, never really had lingerie before
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 12:09 AM
1

Wasn’t going to include anything identifying at all, wouldn’t care if he had it forever. But yeah, I think I won’t for other reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:51 PM
1

Haha, nice. Now that’s a modern love story!
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:46 PM
2

Yeah, you’re right honestly. I thought it would be fun to send him a little memento of me until we see each other again. But knowing his personality, he really is probably more likely be confused and not know how to respond, like you said. So I’ll just keep this idea fun in my own head 😂
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:40 PM
0

Totally non-identifying, Snap only, and I do have at least some reason to trust him.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:31 PM
3

Never sent nudes to an individual, to be clear, so don’t know the etiquette or how it’s supposed to go, which is my issue. Do you just like, send them to someone you’ve been sleeping with, or do you have to work up to it?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:27 PM
2

LOL
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:25 PM
1

I suspect he’s that type too, honestly.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:24 PM
1

Oh we slept together every night for a month, not the first time.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:24 PM
1

Working on it. Problem is he’s fairly evidently on the spectrum and not a naturally flirty texter — he’s SUPER literal in all forms of communication. I’m slowly getting him better at it.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:23 PM
1

Definitely wasn’t going to show anything identifying, and disappearing on Snap only — similar to stuff I’ve posted on Reddit once or twice on an alt that can definitely not be identified. That said, I do have pretty good reason to trust this guy, or else I wouldn’t even consider it.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:20 PM
1

Oh I know. Was going to keep all identifying parts out and do it via disappearing Snap only, so basically what I feel comfortable posting to Reddit from time to time. That said, I do have reason to trust this one, or else I wouldn’t even be considering it.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:19 PM
2

I mean, if you want me to CYV I could show you the date on my passport, not sure how else to do it
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:13 PM
1

Don’t look at me, I’ve literally only ever dated younger men, total range being two to 11 years younger. Didn’t even do it on purpose, has just always been that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:10 PM
2

Q4M: Imagine there’s a lady you had an enjoyable dalliance with for a month, until you had to part due to distance. You’re still in touch, and your distance issue may be solved in the near future. You’ve both left things as waiting to see what the future holds if and when that happens. What would you think if she randomly sent you *non-identifying nudes? Is there any situation where you wouldn’t want this, assuming you’re still single? How would you want her to do it? What would be most appealin…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 11:07 PM
3

It doesn’t quench, lol. Sex doesn’t quench it, once that fire is lit it just burns constantly for a very, very, very long time. Months and months. We can just finish having incredible sex and I will just gaze at him feeling the same desire until I fall asleep. If we end up in a long term relationship, eventually it settles down after the honeymoon period, like a year in or thereabouts. (To be clear, still attracted after that, just not the sort of consuming constant desire.) If we don’t, it last…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 01:04 AM
4

Always hands! I just wrote in my comment about hands lol. Me and this guy I’ve been involved with were in a situation where we were being discreet, so I couldn’t just stare at him or drape myself over him in public, so I’d content myself with just staring at his hands out of the corner of my eye and getting very very very hot about that.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 12:55 AM
6

So I keep writing this on this sub, but: I don’t feel real sexual lust for someone based on looks alone. I can think a guy is attractive, but it’s more like an admiration — “hey, he’s good looking, he’s my type.” At that point I still do not want to fuck him and don’t feel any sort of arousal, don’t imagine him naked, etc. For me, attraction works in stages, and personal chemistry moderates whether I’ll desire him. Take the most recent guy I’ve been involved with, as an example. The first time I…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/22 12:53 AM
1

My ex was into that stuff. Huge no from me.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 11:52 PM
1

I have had quite a few discussions along the same lines in comments, not necessarily posts.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 10:46 PM
1

This is such a bizarre discussion. You don’t have to “trust” anything about Kaitlyn’s emotions except to witness in that clip that she was wildly attracted to Shawn (he got the first rose, you can literally see her lust for him and the proverbial tingles she’s experiencing) and used the word “cute” to describe him, a very masculine man. My friends aren’t all attracted to guys you, apparently, would call “cute.” My one friend only dates beefy, very masculine cops / firefighters. She still uses “c…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 07:49 PM
1

To name just the top three, I guess: I have to be physically attracted to him. He has to be intellectually curious, and he has to have compatible social and political values. I assume any guy who is interested in me is physically attracted to me, or sees me as his type. I’m intellectually curious, yes. And wanting matching political values means that I do bring the same thing to the table myself if that’s important to him, so yeah.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 06:15 PM
1

Oh, I’ll fuck anyone I think is hot, just my issue is it generally takes a bit of hanging out before I really find any guy to be hot in an actively lustful way. Mostly, it’s a progression: ok, this guy is definitely attractive and my type, and if we click I will be attracted to him, but it takes a little bit. That time frame isn’t necessarily long, it can be as short as days, but it needs to be more than a date a week, and honestly it blossoms the most when it’s someone I’m just hanging out with…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 06:12 PM
1

You’re just wrong about that Kaitlyn clip, trust me. If a woman is vibrating like that and talking about grade-school butterflies an hour after kissing you, she wants you, and not just wants you a little; she’s totally smitten. Women only get that giggly about guys they’re staggeringly attracted to. As for me, again, I don’t know how to say this more clearly: the guys I have the most raw sexual desire for I will still call “cute.” So do my friends. I have no other way to explain this to you othe…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 06:06 PM
1

I’m not saying “cute” is “superior” to “hot.” Neither is superior, they’re just words. I’m using that example of Kaitlyn saying it about the guy she was wildly attracted to do indicate the general vibe that yes, it’s something some women say when they want to fuck a guy’s brains out. And yes, exactly, listen to her describing it: the “first kiss” metaphor is her talking about the fact that she’s so attracted to him it makes her feel insane butterflies, like it’s a whole new experience of excitem…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 04:04 PM
13

My very honest answer that none of the RP folks here will believe? The age I am now, 40. (I’m a woman.) A lot of that has to do with some changes I’ve made in my life and style, but this last year of my life I’ve gotten more attention from really great men, and had more abundance of connections and interest than at any other previous point in my life. I’m definitely also the most excited about meeting new men now than ever before, because I’m the happiest in my life and myself I’ve ever been, so…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 02:40 PM
2

I’m not personally one for subscribing to “natural” or traditional roles in a relationship, some people obviously are.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 02:37 AM
2

Seems common enough to me. Most people I know are in relationships like that, or have had them before. I had a wonderful relationship like that for 10 years, and while we unfortunately had to part for reasons outside both of our control, he’s found love like that again and I do believe I will too someday. “Romance” isn’t what all women are looking for, I don’t think. Not in any sort of classical way. It’s never been something I’ve been interested in, at least. Casual things aren’t love. Love isn…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 02:12 AM
3

It’s really weird to me how often this question comes up on this sub. So, for starters: I’m a heterosexual female. I am romantically and sexually attracted to men, and a big part of that means I have an innate desire to pair bond with a male partner. I’m simply not poly so I’m not interested in multiple partners. Beyond that, a good romantic relationship offers so many wonderful things I do not get from friends or from more casual sexual relationships. Having a person you love to share a bed wit…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 01:44 AM
1

I think a guy should look at the context. If you’re on a date and she’s blushing, giggling, biting her lip, and sexily murmuring “you’re really cute,” you should probably just take it as how it is meant, get that the term clearly has a very positive meaning to her, and not worry too much. As for my fully platonic guy friends, don’t think they have a problem with it as it’s just how women commonly talk in our circles. I use it with them when we talk about our dating lives and it’s never once resu…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 06:34 PM
1

I’m Canadian too, and so is Kaitlyn Bristowe in the video I linked (she’s from Alberta). It’s only ever been a very, very positive term in any of my social circles. “Cute” is when we’re super into a guy, period, and not just for looks but when we really want to date him / are super excited about him / he gives us butterflies. It’s only ever good. We never use it in reference to someone we aren’t attracted to. Meanwhile, I’ve never called a man “sexy” in my life, just not a word I use. “Hot,” som…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 05:48 PM
5

Not to me or the actual women I know, it doesn’t. “Cute” means we’re super into a guy and want to date and sleep with him. (If you have to imagine how it tends to be said, 4:20 of this video is the vibe. She was wildly attracted to him.) If I’m showing off a photo of a guy I really like to my friends, near 100% of the time I’m calling him “cute.” And trust me, no guy I’ve ever told “you’re cute” while making bedroom eyes at him and preparing to rip his clothes off has had any doubts that it was …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 05:22 PM
7

If I call a guy “cute” it’s because I’m wildly into him and want to date him. You guys read too much into this.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 05:00 PM
3

Yup. If a woman compliments your looks it’s a good thing. You don’t need to analyze it to determine whether it is clear evidence she wants to fuck you or not. I think the way people use terms like this tends to be somewhat individual, so there’s no point in debating the meaning too deeply beyond “she thinks you’re good looking.”
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 04:54 PM
3

I don’t use “pretty” much, one of my best friends does much more often, but when either of us do use it, it refers to someone we think is very aesthetically appealing and, yes, attractive. The guy she’s head over heels about now is one she first showed me his photo while saying “look how pretty he is.”
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 04:12 PM
2

I think you’re misunderstanding the point of why I was commenting on this. Some men here treat OnlyFans as if it’s “easy” money. It isn’t for most creators. It takes work, and also like any other job you need to have a certain aptitude for that work, which means it isn’t a viable career path for many. For instance, I suck at self-promotion. Even if I was inclined to become an OF creator, even if I was younger and hotter than I am, I would not do well because self-promo is not work I am good at, …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 03:08 PM
1

Yes, which is what I’ve been saying: it takes work.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 02:28 PM
8

I basically agree with this, with the exception that I do click with men IRL more often — like at a three-day event with 200 people chances are very high I would have made a contact or two that I was quite interested in. But other than that, yeah. The reason I left OLD recently is that I realized it doesn’t work for my attraction style for the reasons you mention. My preferences in men both physically and personality-wise are pretty specific so my pool is small, but then in the majority of cases…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 02:04 PM
2

Yep, thank you for adding this.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 01:29 PM
35

Hymens are not a good barometer of sexual activity, for several reasons. One: they may stretch or tear for many reasons prior to partnered sexual penetration, including masturbation and self-exploration or various physical activities. Two, hymens themselves vary widely from birth; some women have little distinguishable hymeneal tissue to begin with, and certainly not something that would be detectable unless someone was actively inspecting for it, which would be… weird. It’s also common for the …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 06:03 AM
2

What?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 01:54 AM
5

Whether you “shouldn’t” or not is irrelevant. Some people are always gonna have opinions on other people’s preferences, especially when you’re airing them out on a debate forum or interjecting your opinions into people’s lives unasked, which is generally just rude. Doesn’t need to impact your life. Date who you want if they also want to date you. Don’t date who you don’t want. That’s what all of us do. You don’t need to make a big fuss about it hoping to make women so anxious they’ll be more lik…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 01:48 AM
5

You don’t have to be about it. You don’t have to be about anything you don’t want. That’s entirely up to you, and it’s fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 01:45 AM
5

Not really, nah. It’s not even really something that comes up past a certain point when everyone has a past and is mature enough to leave it in the past. More to the point, I’m still confused why you think ranting about this on Reddit means younger women who have rejected you will suddenly want to date you, or why you’d even want that. You want women to date you for the sole reason she’s terrified she won’t be able to do better later on? Have a little more respect for yourself, my man!
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 01:37 AM
10

Wtf are we even talking about now? This started out as you talking about “judging women for their age” and hoping it makes women “stop playing games” to, presumably, date you. Now you’re ranting about women bragging to her partner about men she’s fucked before. You seem to be a little all over the place.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 01:23 AM
9

Nope, because frankly, I put more stock in my own experiences than what randos on PPD insist those experiences must be. Besides, once again, I’m never going to date a man I don’t like. I don’t know why you seem to want this to be the case. The man wouldn’t deserve that.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 01:14 AM
19

I see. Well, I’ll let you in on a little secret: dudes we don’t know or care about judging older women online doesn’t make any of us more likely to date men we aren’t interested in.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/22 12:58 AM
23

But you just said you don’t tell them, it’s just an “internal mental process.”
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 11:04 PM
31

You thinking stuff in your head isn’t “crushing” any illusions.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 10:50 PM
3

lmfao, nah. I know my own material conditions and dating market realities very well.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 06:45 PM
3

Doesn’t matter if you do or not, lol. You not agreeing doesn’t change the material reality me and most women I know live in.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 06:40 PM
2

And I’m going partly from mine, which is knowing a few young, cute women who tried, couldn’t make more than chicken scratch and eventually quit, as well some more in-depth writing on it from former aspiring creators.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 06:39 PM
3

And I’d be very, very, very comfortably willing to bet against that.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 06:32 PM
2

And the lives of most average-looking, non-super popular women are not visible to you either. We know what our experiences are, we know what options were never available to us. Most of us cannot make a living off our looks, period.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 06:30 PM
2

Sure, but the average is also warped by the fact that the very top creators make so much more than most. I’d be interested in seeing verified other metrics and distribution curves.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 06:25 PM
3

Lol, no. That is not life for most average women. I know you think it is, but it isn’t. I don’t know how to put it more simply than that. Most of us discover quite young we’re not hot enough to get by on our looks and move on with our lives. It’s fine.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 06:22 PM
3

As a percentage, no, very few, lol. Most of us cannot and realize that very early on in life.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 06:13 PM
3

Nah. Not in a way sufficient to make a living. You need to have the right look for it (one that will find a market). You need to have decent photography and editing skills, and know how to use social media to best effect. You need to have a personality type conducive to doing that kind of thing too.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 06:12 PM
21

Gisele’s net worth is reportedly higher than Tom’s. Even if those reports are overblown, she has an extremely high independent net worth. No idea what’s in their pre-nup, but highly doubtful she’ll be “stealing” any money from him. In celebrity cases where both partners are extremely high earners they usually both take out more or less what they brought in and earned during, maybe fight over specific properties they both want for awhile. They’re both individually so rich as to make the asset div…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 05:41 PM
3

I’m a sister. And I guarantee you couldn’t make me an Only Fans and manage it into a livable income, even if I wanted to do so. Even if I was younger, same would have been true.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 05:32 PM
2

Yes, that’s essentially what I’m saying: in any sort of creator space, sufficient self-promotion to get a viable income is real work. Some people have enough combo of luck and innate advantage. Most don’t, and that sort of self-promotion is a kind of work most people aren’t cut out for. I’m definitely not.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 05:31 PM
2

Exactly my point. It isn’t easy for most creators to generate enough support for a real income, especially a sustainable one for anything beyond the very short term. Most of us just aren’t hot enough to get by on our looks, I promise. Some people can make up for it if very determined to build their following or willing to go for some underserved niche, but it’s not a viable income for the vast majority.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 05:28 PM
5

Yeah, and most average high school girls don’t have that many guys who will pay money over an extended period of time to see them nude, lol. Most are like my friend.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 04:59 PM
7

So, again: sufficient luck and innate advantage to make up for the lack of work. A friend of mine tried the same and made about $50 a month for a few months, and couldn’t build a following. And she is pretty. Just didn’t have anything to stand out or attract a following.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 04:52 PM
7

Then she had more of the other two factors: a bit of luck, and some sort of innate advantage that allowed her to stand out and acquire a following.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 04:47 PM
27

The large majority of creators on Only Fans don’t make much — very often not even $100 a month, which given the risk of damage to other career prospects isn’t worth it for most. It’s like any other similar job: you have to put a lot of work into making good content and promoting yourself, and you have to have some kind of look or other “it factor” that’s noteworthy or marketable in order to attract enough paying followers. I know some guys here have this idea that any woman can go on OF and make…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 03:53 PM
4

Yep, this is the only possible reasonable answer. Sarah can set whatever boundaries she wants for her sex life at any time, regardless of anything in her past. Mark can decide if he’s okay with that, or if that makes them incompatible. It’s fine if he decides it’s not the kind of relationship that works for him. It wouldn’t for me either.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 08:36 AM
4

Well yeah, initial factors that pique almost any human’s interest aren’t going to be, like, “the deepest contents of their soul.” You like how someone looks, maybe some other factor about them is appealing based on limited information, and based on that initial attraction, you see if there’s more. That’s how it goes.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 04:43 AM
2

Neither Ukraine nor Russia are notably progressive societies when it comes to gender, so I’m not sure why you’d expect to see them suddenly change that in the midst of a war. (That said, Ukraine has many women volunteers both in combat but also, especially, in critical non-combat military support roles, so one shouldn’t erase their contributions either.) But yes, in general, traditional gender roles typically treat violence as the sole domain of men and consider women to be the weaker sex, perce…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 03:11 AM
9

Zero lasting feelings, at all. No, I wouldn’t get back together with him. It was 21 years ago, we’ve both looooong since moved on. I think about him with the same superficial pleasantness you might think of a nice school acquaintance. That is, if I think about him at all, which only happens when I see posts like this. I don’t think it was harder to break up because he was my first, no. We ended on weird terms (he fell in love with someone else and ghosted me before that was a common term), but i…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/22 02:22 AM
5

At least for me, “spark” isn’t charisma. It’s a matter of how our personalities mesh combined with a healthy dose of physical attraction. Charisma can help make “spark” more likely insofar as charismatic people have an easy time navigating social interactions, but I’ve met plenty of very charismatic people who I really like as people and are attractive, with whom I have absolutely zero “spark.” And I’ve had explosive levels of “spark” with men my friends consider awkward and non-charismatic. Spa…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 08:20 PM
4

Attraction is influenced by both biological and social factors. There has always been diversity amongst what women like, and in complex societies it makes sense for it to sort along subcultural lines. The “trend” aspect is simply the boxes used to describe some of those differences. K-pop is a trend, so women specifically being interested in K-pop guys is a trend, but there’s nothing novel or trendy about young women being especially attracted to men of that general archetype (very young looking…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/22 01:43 PM
3

We have very different experiences of what “most women” say about men on this sub.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 01:50 PM
1

Oh it definitely made it the worst possible time to be single again and try to date. I ended very long relationship in early 2020, lol, feeling oh-so-optimistic about the future. Whenever we weren’t on lockdown I would get out and date, but never met anyone with whom I had romantic chemistry in that time. But I had similar dry spells in non-pandemic times — September 2010 to March 2013 was another, and a decade before that there was a nearly three year gap between the first time I had sex at 19 …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 01:46 PM
11

Even setting the sex aside, the emotional and personal intimacy you build with a romantic partner has an entirely different quality than that you share with platonic friends. I love my friends dearly, and I’m very lucky to have great friends. But I don’t want to share a home or a bed with them. I don’t want to come home to them every day, make every dinner with them, or go on every trip with them. I don’t want to plan my life with them at the heart of it. With a romantic partner, I am bonded to …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 03:42 AM
2

I’ve always been the higher earner in my relationships by a lot, and it’s never bothered any of my male partners. Experiences do seem to vary and I believe that many guys would struggle with that (seen enough Reddit posts over the years from men and women with this problem), but at least in my social circles it’s pretty unremarkable for a woman to make more and everyone is fine and cool with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 03:08 AM
13

I can only conclude you’re selectively reading, because we’ve seen many times that most women here are straight women in committed relationships with men, and talk just plenty about enjoying both sex and their partners.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 02:14 AM
24

Because I am heterosexual and not sexually or romantically attracted to women? I have an innate drive to pair bond with the male of the species?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 01:28 AM
1

I’m white, yeah.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 12:39 AM
2

Yes I realized that, and edited. I hadn’t remembered correctly.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 12:37 AM
47

The primary value a man brings to a relationship for me is emotional intimacy, sexual intimacy and amazing companionship. I truly do love being in a good relationship and having that person who is just… your person. Your best friend and lover, who knows you and loves you and accepts you inside and out, like you do them. I love doing life with that person. It makes me happier than without.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 12:25 AM
1

Hard to do it like that. They tried one approach but side effects were poor: https://www.cnn.com/2016/10/30/health/male-birth-control Now they’re trying this, which seems promising but it’s early yet: https://irp.nih.gov/blog/post/2022/02/a-new-approach-to-male-birth-control And there’s also something in development which would be a fully reversible way to block sperm, if I recall correctly. I should say as someone who will not take hormonal birth control, I’m also very very hopeful better optio…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 12:22 AM
3

Hahaha for sure. Yeah no, never heard of him before but I’m going to just use him as a handy example now. Always been hard for me to do that because there aren’t that many famous people that really quite fit.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 12:14 AM
2

Several options along those lines are in development, at various stages of testing. What’s held it back generally is a combination of basic biological challenges (women have a natural non-fertile phase that can simply be induced, men do not) and what seems to be a sense from the pharmaceutical companies that there won’t be enough money in it. If men want to see these options get to market faster, the best thing they can do is really organize to express support and excitement for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 12:12 AM
7

don’t make me Google please, I’ve had a long day ETA: ok I googled and yeah holy hell I’d smash that so hard he wouldn’t remember his name afterward
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/22 12:03 AM
9

It’s a bit of a long list, but every guy I’ve ever dated or wanted to date has, according to my friends, looked almost exactly the same and had fairly similar personalities. I don’t go out with a checklist I swear, it’s just what does it for me, apparently. Physically: skinny, big eyes, slightly recessed jaw, usually a big nose, baby face relative to their age and something slightly weird with their teeth. Heavily tattooed adds a lot too, but the guy I’m hot for lately doesn’t have any so i will…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 11:37 PM
6

A combination of four main factors. I have very specific tastes in what I am attracted to, in terms of both looks and personality, that I’m not interested in changing because that wouldn’t be fair to anyone involved. Similarly, while I’ve done a nice glow-up since my last relationship ended and I’ve been getting a lot more guys asking me out than ever before, my personality and lifestyle preferences really aren’t compatible with what most guys are looking for (that said, there’s probably a near …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 10:49 PM
7

It’s a big factor for me — I’m quite left and will not date anyone conservative, or frankly even to the right of centre, I can manage a liberal — but honestly I haven’t at all found it hard to meet men with similar values. Maybe it would be harder if I lived in a more rural area, but there’s no shortage of men with compatible political leanings in my area and age group. It’s very, very low down on the list of things I see as a hit to my dating pool.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 10:06 PM
2

Yuppp. Like please nobody yell at me, but the way “demisexual” gets used at least sometimes has always struck me as somewhat co-opting the reasons for LGBT self-identification. And I’m like… look, I just get hornier for a guy if we have some emotional intimacy and get along good, I don’t need a special term to “identify” around that, either to myself or to others. We really don’t need to make everything fall into these boxes. If people feel aberrant because they don’t see their attraction type m…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 09:53 PM
14

Yes, yes, all of this. Another good historical example of how money and prestige interact with how professions are gendered is the medical field, and particularly medical care around birth. In most societies, women were historically the sole or predominant birth caregivers, and amassed considerable knowledge about pregnancy and birth passed through generations. (This is relative, of course, to the medical knowledge of their eras.) In many such societies, capable midwives were quite highly regard…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 05:46 PM
3

I think part of my issue — and maybe this is me being An Old Crotchety Person — is that this was seen as pretty thoroughly normal for women until very recent cultural changes promoting hook-up culture, which I think has really distorted our perception of what the range of normal female sexuality does or should look like. At any rate, the term “demisexual” wasn’t something that crossed my radar until I was well into my 30s, I never felt in any way different prior to that and still don’t, so it’s …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 03:24 PM
5

It really depends how it iterates, which as you know can vary quite a bit. For some autistic folks, yeah it will be so significant a barrier as to make dating close to impossible, and certainly dating neurotypical people impossible. For others it will be a minor hurdle at worst. I would try not to think of it as a death sentence, but rather just try to work on things that might be able to be improved, because at the end of the day, why the heck not. It does suck and it’s not fair, for sure. But …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 01:31 PM
1

Was literally just having a discussion to this effect in another thread here, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 01:23 PM
18

Still not stopping you from only dating virgins and rejecting people who aren’t if that’s what you want.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 01:14 PM
17

That doesn’t stop you from having that preference and seeking partners that match it accordingly out in actual real life. You can indeed date and reject whoever you like, people here may have opinions on those preferences but nothing is stopping you.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 01:03 PM
8

With all respect to people who choose the term “demisexual” or find it useful, I reject it for myself and am critical of the idea of assigning a label to what I consider to be an unremarkable experience on the spectrum of sexual response and arousal. For me personally, separating out “demisexual” as something needing a label has always felt like a reaction to perceptions of what is normative and even reifying those perceptions. I’m not interested in doing that for myself. If it makes other peopl…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 01:00 PM
1

I’ve heard this so many times but mine are basically colourless, so it doesn’t work 😭
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/22 04:48 AM
1

Happy to share, but if it’s ok I’d rather take it to DM?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 11:57 PM
2

Haha yeah, that’s fair, I’ll take that term. Yeah I don’t mind a situationship, as long as it isn’t damaging to me. The nature of where I’ve met guys lately has made it sort of unavoidable, and they’ve been very good experiences. Yeah to me I’ve always interpreted “FWB” as “hey, we’re friends and we fool around” which isn’t something I’d do. My last two were more like “you’re amazing and we have feelings for each other, but situationally this can’t go anywhere in the long term right now, maybe t…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 11:52 PM
1

I’m not sure how to articulate this, but: to me, no, I’d never have a FWB or fuck buddy, because if I’m sleeping with someone it means I’m interested in him as something more than that, and have feelings for him. It doesn’t mean we have to be in a committed relationship, and sometimes life doesn’t work out for it to continue, but i would never sleep with someone I’d personally describe as an FWB because to me that term means someone i wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with, just sex. That sa…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 11:12 PM
4

It definitely is, I agree! What women find attractive, though, does vary. The guys I think are blindingly hot, my best friend wouldn’t touch with a 10-foot pole, etc. And what you guys reliably call “Chad” doesn’t describe a single man I’ve ever been insanely hot for.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 09:11 PM
8

Such a boring response. You do not at all know who I have been or tend to be most attracted to.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 09:05 PM
11

With my most recent partner we could fuck for hours and I was fine, because I was physically aroused and hence the ol’ girl downstairs was physically ready and indeed absolutely hungry for penetration and not just, like… tolerating it. When people praise “not walk after sex” it’s referring to the wobbly legs after great sex, which is awesome. I had plenty of wobbly legs after this guy. It was fun. We laughed about it. Vagina felt great though, very satisfied. That phrase isn’t referring to your …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 08:20 PM
6

Oral feels like zilch for me if I’m not already wanting to absolutely devour his everything :(
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 08:19 PM
12

lol, no. I’m an extremely passionate, giving lover with men I desire, and if I’m aroused. The issue, again, is that true desire for me requires more of a connection than you typically have time to develop with casual sex. And without it, I’m simply not able to get aroused enough to have sex be pleasurable for me. I can still be giving and enthusiastic to him, because I agreed to it and hold up my end, but I won’t be getting anything out of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 06:46 PM
9

Oh I’m not even talking about an orgasm gap — just an arousal gap. I can’t be aroused by a one night stand. Tried it, won’t happen. True sexual desire for me requires more connection.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 06:37 PM
14

If I’m not aroused, sex isn’t pleasurable, period. My body does not experience the physical arousal that makes sex pleasurable, requires tons of lube to make it not actively painful, and my mind is not experiencing the type of psychological changes that occur during sexual arousal that make me able to focus on it, “be in the moment,” enjoy it and experience it as pleasure. I can consent to sex under these conditions, and have. I can put on a nice show for him, will attend to his enjoyment, make …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 06:31 PM
19

For a lot of us, casual sex isn’t pleasurable. I’ve tried casual sex a number of times when I was otherwise sexless. It was never pleasurable at all, at least half the time it was outright painful, and every single time I was just bored, spent the whole time pretending to be into it, and wanted it to be over ASAP. I won’t do it anymore now. Without real desire and arousal, there often isn’t pleasure at all. And many women experience desire and arousal very, very differently than many or most men…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 05:43 PM
51

When single, I’ve gone through multiple periods of sexlessness ranging as high as three years, and most usually about 1-2 years between being sexually involved with a man. My longest recent dry spell was I hadn’t had sex between May 2019 and May of 2022. Whether or not this was voluntary depends on your perspective, I suppose. I don’t care for strictly casual sex because it’s often painful and actively unpleasurable for me — we don’t need to be in a committed relationship but it can’t just be a …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 05:32 PM
2

There’s a remarkable number of men on Tinder who only post photos with an expression somewhere between “my dog just got hit by a car” and “I’m going to murder you.”
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/22 01:29 PM
22

Attractive men have a leg up in this, absolutely, especially as they’ll get a lot more unearned social validation. Average men, which is most of them, need to be able to build and navigate social relationships and be fundamentally comfortable interacting with women. And a good chunk of them are not getting the right opportunities to build those skills at the appropriate developmental stages. How these failing community and social structures interact with a rise in more complex mental health issu…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 06:35 PM
0

yeah I’m confused, the question wasn’t posed just to people with degrees 🤷🏻‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 05:07 PM
7

Temporary measures to emergency situations aren’t what I was referring to.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 05:01 PM
1

It doesn’t risk causing you severe physical pain if you fix the sink when you’re tired or don’t want to do it. Sex when not aroused can be very painful for women, and repeated painful sex can sometimes be a trigger for longer-lasting chronic sexual issues such as vaginismus. It can also be more damaging to the intimacy of the relationship than helpful, depending. Don’t get me wrong, I actually fully agree that one key to maintaining a good sex life is committing to choosing it, sometimes even wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 04:59 PM
93

Most factors people point to about their woes in dating aren’t ones I think society has any ability nor obligation to fix. However, I think one factor that does play a role, and is a broader societal problem, is that the atomization of society and our current culture has resulted in a withering of community structures, and also significant portions of children and youth being badly under-socialized at critical times in their development, or only socialized in negative, highly artificial, overly …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 03:49 PM
1

?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 03:04 PM
3

British and Canadian spelling refuses your edit, sir.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 01:40 PM
1

Thoroughly agree. I am all about really dry, slightly dark humour, and when I’m on a date with a guy and he says something that makes me laugh, or he laughs at one of my more subtle things, it shows he has the same sense of humour and that’s a HUGE chemistry / attraction-enhancer, and quite the aphrodisiac. I’ve also had the opposite, I made a comment I knew was very funny in my preferred humour style, and if it goes right over his head it’s like… okay, we’re not gonna be compatible. I agree to …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 01:40 PM
1

My issue is with the insistence on framing changes in libido as “deceit” or “bait.” Libido is variable — it waxes and wanes for most of us over the course of our lives and can be shaped by a multitude of internal and external factors. I am quite confident in saying the overwhelming majority of women who were quite sexual early in their relationship and saw their libido fall off were not setting a “honey trap.” They desired sex and their partner when they did. Something changed that caused that d…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 07:38 AM
3

I don’t care. I come from a very academic family, and yet I don’t have a degree. I don’t see it as relevant to whether or not I’m compatible with someone. I’m very interested in what a guy does, as I mostly date guys from broadly similar career fields as mine, but those fields aren’t ones that absolutely require university. I don’t think anyone I’ve seriously dated has a four-year degree. My longest relationship had a two-year diploma and the other two didn’t have any post-secondary.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/22 12:30 AM
2

The point is that it’s hard to take any compliment as meaningful when you believe the person does not actually mean it, but rather is just trying to get laid and you’re the closest available option.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 11:34 PM
8

…and I think many or even most of us don’t get that much attention IRL or on social media. More than the majority of men, for sure, but I think a lot of guys at least on this sub overestimate the total volume of male interest the average woman gets to start with.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 10:25 PM
1

Hey, that’s my mantra!
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 09:24 PM
1

And I made an offhand suggestion that “displayed interest” is a little vague in terms of meaning, but that either way a few weeks of texting is something nobody should ever get too invested in whatsoever.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 09:13 PM
1

lmfao, nah. Trust me, I don’t have a legion of interested men blowing up my texts. I’m neither that hot nor that flirty. If a guy asks me out, I’ll tell him yes if I’m into it, and no if I’m not. If he doesn’t ask me out and makes no direct statement of interest, but continues to text, I’ll reasonably assume we are friends. If he thinks us simply texting, when he has not asked me out or directly told me that he’s interested, is me “leading him on,” that’s his own issue to work out. I don’t walk …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 09:07 PM
1

No problem. I don’t think men suck! A final thought here would be: men are the majority of victims of violence, and they’re also the majority of perpetrators, especially of incidents involving serious injury or loss of life. Due to sex and gender differences, male-on-male violence both iterates and is perceived differently than male-on-female violence (or female-on-male, or female-on-female). For women, the frequency of at least mild to moderate brushes with unsafe men, combined with our awarene…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 09:01 PM
1

To start with, the ways in which men and boys experience violence absolutely should be better discussed and addressed. What I wouldn’t say is that safety issues are “gender neutral,” because the ways men and women experience violence do tend to differ by gender, and so they deserve their own strategies to understand and address them. In other words — murders or assaults of men and boys often have a differing set of common characteristics than murders or assaults of women and girls. (There are ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 08:48 PM
1

Or you’re being nice because you have no issue with them, and may even like them as a person and wish to remain in contact, and assume that they’re grown-ups who can manage their own feelings and decide for themselves if they stay in touch despite you not responding to their interest. Besides, we don’t always assume a guy talking to us is interested. I usually assume we’re just being friendly or joking around, unless he asks very directly. If not, I’m not gonna suddenly reject him and cut him of…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 08:23 PM
1

You first said “a few weeks” of texting and have now extended it to “months,” but setting that aside: nobody should get too invested in anyone based solely on texting or DMing, and politely responding to someone’s texts even when you don’t want to date them isn’t actually some terrible injustice. It’s okay to feel bad because you got your hopes up and later realized the other person wasn’t so interested in you after all. Doesn’t mean they did anything bad to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 08:09 PM
6

So, as someone who has done some spontaneous things on this end — some of which backfired badly, others of which worked out — and is about to do so again shortly, here’s my honest advice. It can be fun. It can work out, but it usually won’t. The key is that you have to go in with near-zero expectations, and treat it like an adventure with as little investment in the outcome as you can manage. Your vibe has to basically be “we’ll see when we get there, but I’ll be open to whatever happens.” Other…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 08:04 PM
1

I’m not talking about expressing a rejection. I’m talking about your assertion, in your OP, that a woman having an online chat for a few weeks, even if she’s not interested in dating, is some sort of injustice and, per your words, actually worse than being directly insulted in a rejection. Sorry if you got your hopes up, but a woman politely responding to texts without wanting to date is not a bad thing happening to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 07:54 PM
2

In your OP you say that the “even worse” thing than rejecting a man is “leading him on” in online conversation — aka, talking to someone you’re not interested in without being rude or directly cutting them off. So yes, you are talking about women texting you nicely being an injustice being done to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 07:48 PM
2

“Oh no, I texted with a woman for a bit and she was polite and responded even though she wasn’t interested, a great injustice has been done to me.”
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 07:35 PM
1

Ahhhh gotcha lol
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 05:46 PM
1

You invited us to.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 05:28 PM
1

Nah. I actually think automatically returning a compliment can sometimes (not always) come across as a little… not fake, exactly, but somewhat less genuine, maybe. Especially because I think most people don’t compliment others looking for it to be transactional, if you get my drift. I’ve never given a compliment to anyone expecting it to be returned or looking for that. That said, I know exactly what you mean and don’t practice my own advice, because last month a dude I was really attracted to s…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 02:40 PM
2

My honest feedback is I don’t think you need to analyze this small interaction for how else you could have handled it differently. Saying “thank you” to a compliment and offering a brief thought on the thing mentioned is a thoroughly normal thing to do. Not every interaction has to be viewed with an eye to maximizing “pushing the conversation forward to attraction,” especially since you’ll likely see her again and have other opportunities to chat.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/22 02:33 PM
16

Did you miss the sarcasm in my comment
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 10:53 PM
24

Considerably broader than you think, judging by a basic review of reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 10:01 PM
32

Yes, you’re right. No man who isn’t tall, in shape, with a square jaw and hunter eyes and a full head of hair and a “good voice” has ever gotten a first date or a relationship. And yes, women refusing to date a guy because of “what month he’s born in” is definitely common, and not just a handful of randos whose text screenshots float around forever because they’re seen as humorous by virtue of being kooky. Long story short: women are more selective than men when it comes to sex, sure, but noneth…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 09:11 PM
1

If it mattered all that much, the guys who made $90k would always do better than the guys making $45k, and they don’t. It’s mostly looks and social skills which are the biggest variables in my corner of existence. Take it or leave it.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 01:10 PM
1

Ok. To be clear: I have never seen money make any difference amongst my social circles. Friends who make $90k don’t do any better than guys who make $45k, and quite a few of them do much worse.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 12:28 PM
1

Sure. But within say very large social layers where most people are making the same general range of money, I’ve never seen money be much of a factor in who gets women and who doesn’t, which was the question I was answering.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 12:23 PM
1

It isn’t just mobile at all (I say this as a former very active gamer, though I’ve quit entirely). Just that I can understand why some people don’t trust the stats that show women play a majority of games, when they’re only thinking of it in more limited terms than the survey.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 09:08 AM
11

Often, those stats reflect heavy mobile game use by women. Women are a minority of what many people think of as “gamers,” but when the survey definition of video games explicitly includes mobile games the percentages shoot up.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 03:46 AM
1

You don’t have to believe it. It really doesn’t matter whether you do or not! Doesn’t make it less of a fact.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/22 12:44 AM
2

That’s one thing about the N-count issue and how often it comes up here — it’s not something women ask about very often, in my experience anyway. Not either IRL or here. So the frequency with which it is “explained” always strikes me as being more about the people doing the explaining.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 06:36 PM
0

Excellent summary, yeah.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 06:18 PM
6

Right, and this is a sub primarily to discuss dating and relationships, so yes that is the topic we discuss here. And you won’t believe women here whose perspectives differ from your experiences and what you have determined to be “truth,” so we will just continue to go around in low-quality discussion circles. Which was my original point.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 05:04 PM
9

It doesn’t make me feel any particular way; none of the discussions here do. I’m just pointing out what you have clearly stated: that you think women lie about most things; you think men live in reality, and women mostly in fantasy and delusion. So it’s no surprise that only people here you will accept as “truthful” are the ones whose opinions and perspectives align with your own. When women express differing experiences and perspectives, you will immediately dismiss them as lying and will not e…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 04:58 PM
5

This is also very accurate.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 04:19 PM
13

Ah, cool, glad you laid your cards on the table: you don’t and won’t believe women about much of anything, you think women live in fantasy and you alone have a grasp of the reality of life (including, apparently, the reality of women’s experiences), etc. Yes, quite a mystery why discussions here are so difficult and go in so many hostile circles!
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 04:17 PM
9

What the church pushed and what people actually practiced have always been quite divergent.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 03:58 PM
12

And so do women. And we express what we’ve learned, and you reject it as “dishonesty” when and if it doesn’t jibe with yours.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 03:02 PM
8

Exactly, and that’s true on both sides. Some good faith is necessary to accept that people are being truthful about how they both perceive and negotiate their experiences, the world and the factors which impact their dating options and experiences.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 03:00 PM
14

Nothing to do with my moral judgment, has to do with your conviction that women aren’t telling the truth because, essentially, you don’t agree with what they say. Spin it however you want (“women lie more if it benefits their feelings” isn’t a great defence, lol), but that’s what it comes down to: you are unwilling to take women here in good faith because their views conflict with yours. You’re not alone in that, and women here do the same, but until you’re willing to extend more good faith to t…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 02:03 PM
28

Haha, you’re basically proving my point: when women here have experiences and perspectives that conflict with your beliefs and experiences, you are immediately convinced they’re lying. Nothing new here, and exactly why we don’t get anywhere.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 01:56 PM
30

I think most people here are honest, they just tend to answer from their own personal experiences, and exhibit extreme skepticism that experiences that differ too much from their own actually exist, and then things get heated because we’re calling each other liars or bigots all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 01:27 PM
1

I’m not invested in it, nor are my friends. There are more women like us now, and more social spheres like us now, than there were in the 1950s. And there may be more of us in another 70 years than there are now. You think not, which is fine. I think things change in ways we can’t foresee, that’s all.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 01:11 PM
1

But if there are way fewer of them, then there are more social circles where it doesn’t play much of an impact and way fewer people who have much expectation of wealth in a partner beyond what is normative in the circles they grew up in, which was my only point.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 01:08 PM
1

Things can change. If I was born in the 1940s, I wouldn’t have been paying for dates and asking men out, I assume, because I would have grown up with a very different cultural milieu and set of social norms than I did. Will things like equal paying on dates and equal initiative in asking for dates become normative across broader swaths of society? Who knows! I certainly hope so, because I think it’s better for everyone.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 12:44 PM
1

No, but there are certainly cities that have much larger per capita accumulations of wealth, more and larger industries with high income potential that attract more ambitious talent in those fields, and more geographic and social spaces that are oriented towards wealthier people. Cities like that attract and retain a higher volume of people oriented towards wealth and wealth accumulation in the first place, for obvious reasons. In those types of cities, I can see income dynamics in dating playin…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 12:35 PM
3

Yeah, it’s a major challenge, and for some people will be close to an insurmountable one depending on how their autism expresses itself. I have a lot of empathy for people with ASD who are trying to date.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 12:23 PM
1

I never said I was asking out like, hundreds of men, LOL. In two years on OLD I went on about 20 dates, which was pretty good since it was during the pandemic and for large chunks of that time we were on lockdown. I think I initiated all but one or two of those dates. From people I’ve met first IRL in the last two years, I’ve dated three men and made the first move in all three cases, though we’d been hanging out and it was just me that first said like, “hey, I’m really attracted to you, what do…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 12:17 PM
1

Correct! And if you live, as I do, in a city that is very middle-of-the-road economically with far fewer high earners per capita than elsewhere, that’s a broader likelihood. Like, that income dynamics in dating might have very different layers in somewhere like Los Angeles or NYC, where there’s actually money to be made, than in my thoroughly unremarkable LCOL city.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/22 12:04 PM
0

Often? I was almost always the first to ask men on a date on OLD, partly because I’m not a big fan of messaging so I usually opened with “you seem cool, drinks this week?” If that wasn’t my open, then I’d ask within the first few messages. “I love that, tell me more over drinks soon?” etc. In person, I’ve made the first move multiple times, though that’s usually guys I’ve been hanging out with as friends or for other reasons and become very interested in. But I’ll definitely be like “wanna go ou…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/22 12:23 PM
2

It’s not a factor in my circles. You don’t need to believe me, but at least where I am, when everyone makes about the same and expects people to make more or less the same it’s not a huge factor. My friends who do the best with women, by far, have thoroughly uninteresting incomes, often date women who are higher earners, etc. I am absolutely willing to believe it’s different in different social environments. But I know how dating works in the worlds I’m part of, and money isn’t a factor beyond “…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/22 12:14 PM
1

For me it’s incorrect. Can’t speak to anyone else. I won’t let a guy pay for the whole first date regardless of any factor, including how much I like him. I just don’t like it for many reasons. And for me if I pay for the whole thing it’s usually because I really, really like him and want to treat him.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/22 11:48 AM
6

I’m a woman, but I’m a woman who, as I just said, comes from a social echelon and region where nobody has any unusual amounts of money, and within that, no I haven’t seen it to matter at all beyond the most basic “have a roof over your head” level. I’m sure it would be different if I lived in a different area, or was part of social circles where wealth was more of a factor, or was looking to date within certain high-status circles. But I am confident saying that for the normal people in my norma…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/22 11:45 AM
0

I did and most of my friends do the same thing. Times change.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/22 11:41 AM
2

One thing I am curious about (I scanned a bit of the video but I’m not watching all of it) is what city these women are from and what social class they grew up in. I still think it’s shallow, but if you grew up in a wealthier social class or even just a nice part of a very HCOL area, throwing out a figure of $100k probably wouldn’t sound too far out of the norm relative to the families you grew up around and the earning potential in the social circles you’re accustomed to.
/r/ExRedPill30/09/22 06:17 AM
8

You can’t confront people you don’t know. I think those of us who are, for lack of a better word, not so cynical or superficial about dating usually just don’t know or hang out with people who are. Beyond that, I’m not sure what there is to confront. Some people are superficial or have standards for dating I think are silly or just kinda shitty. But that’s between them and the people they date, it’s not a crime to swan around insisting on a tall rich guy.
/r/ExRedPill30/09/22 06:09 AM
8

It’s not “advice,” just my honest answer to the question posed.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/22 05:30 AM
4

Ahaha yeah I’ve pulled the ol’ sneaky “go to the bathroom and slip by the server on the way back to tell her that I, and only I, am paying the bill and to give it directly to me” a few times. It’s a fun move also to pay it before coming back from the bathroom without him knowing, I love the look on the dude’s face when I’m like “ok let’s go” and he’s like “we have to pay” and I’m all “nope!” And he gets very wide-eyed and bashful about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/22 12:28 AM
8

My preference in committed, live-in LTRs is making shared expenses proportional to income — like in my relationships I’ve always been the higher earner, so in my two most serious relationships I paid 60-65% of the shared costs since that was my percentage of household income. In very early dating I like it to be totally equal, and then transition to roughly the same vibe as above. Like if I know I make more than the guy, I’ll take the majority over a long period. If he makes more, I’ll maybe let…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/22 12:08 AM
13

Meh. I’ve said it many times before but I absolutely hate the idea that men should pay for all dates, all the time. One of the stupidest traditions out there that makes no sense in the modern dating context where women have jobs, and IMO not a good thing for women either. At least, it isn’t for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 11:55 PM
11

Me personally? I always ask for separate cheques on the first date, except if I really like him, in which case sometimes I’ll pay the whole thing. If we’re just doing drinks at a pay-at-the-bar situation, I get the first round and he can get the second and then we can alternate. For subsequent dates, if I know I want to see him again and he wants to pay the tab I’ll let him, but then I always pick up the whole tab for the date after that.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 11:51 PM
2

Maybe we know cooler short guys than you, idk, because I have one of those friends too. Like the other commenter said, you don’t have to believe it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 10:58 PM
89

Looks are obviously a big factor. They aren’t the entirety of it as some people claim (I know a drop-dead handsome man who is so shy and so anxious he hasn’t had the best dating luck, for instance), but absolutely it’s up there. I have never seen that money matters much in my own personal life, but then again I don’t hang out with anyone who has unusual amounts of money so it’s just not a relevant factor in my world. Looking outside my personal experience makes it clear it can be a factor, but i…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 10:54 PM
5

It’s not rare for people to have sex without having been dating or having any intention of it leading to a relationship, at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 08:22 PM
6

You’re free to define it that way, but I’m telling you that I think it’s confusing people here since many people wouldn’t define sex with someone you’re dating for the purpose of building a relationship with as casual, even if an exclusive LTR hasn’t yet been agreed.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 08:16 PM
1

Guys definitely do this too, lol. Absolutely they do.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 08:14 PM
8

No, but the confusion in this post seems to be that your definition of “casual sex” is anything outside of or prior to an agreed exclusive LTR, whereas I think the common definition of casual sex is a bit different. I definitely know men that have never been able to get casual sex (defined as sex with no intention on either side of relationship), and honestly just aren’t attractive enough to have much luck on that end, but have had several monogamous relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 08:11 PM
19

Casual sex usually implies a non-dating relationship, and a lack of intention at making it into a relationship on the part of at least one party. Sex with someone you’re dating with a mutual intention and hope to progress it into an exclusive relationship would be distinct from that.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 08:03 PM
14

I have lots of platonic guy friends. We have no romantic chemistry, that’s basically it. They’re all great guys, but I’m not personally attracted to them, they’re not personally attracted to me, and our personality matches are those of buddies and not lovers. And most of them I’ve known for many, many years and we just feel more like siblings. Like, I have one good single guy friend. Love him, good dude. We’d murder each other within a week or two if we dated, and I don’t even know if I’m kiddin…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 02:46 PM
2

What I mean is that when it comes to quantifying “horniness,” as with all things, you can find a bigger difference between individuals of the same or either sex, than you will between the sexes as an whole. So: in general, males as a group have a higher sex drive than females as a group. But there are some men who are asexual or have very low interest in sex, and some women who have extremely high sex drives and extremely raging libidos. That range in individuals is larger than the ones between …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 02:39 PM
15

The second option, and it’s not even close. I’m not at all interested in being married to someone who doesn’t actually love me, and I don’t care about being “worshipped” as a partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/22 12:27 PM
4

What confuses me about your bigger fear is that — do you honestly not see or know of any men and women in loving relationships? Because the majority of people I know are either in a loving relationship, or have been in at least one in the past.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 11:54 PM
3

Not like that. Fixing these kinds of issues requires decades of effort at all levels, from the individual level to the neighbourhood level, to the highest level of government. It requires changes in policy, changes in certain social structures and massive financial investment, plus the political will and public support to do all those things, which requires research and advocacy to drive those changes. Then it also intensive community-level efforts to heal broken families and communities almost …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 10:56 PM
5

Yes, but with family structures it’s more the intergenerational trauma than the poverty — though both feed into each other — and fixing that is a staggeringly long and difficult process.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 10:08 PM
3

I assume you mean fourth paragraph, and I will say that those social environments tend to be ones that involve poverty and an enormous amount of intergenerational trauma, both of which play a role in sexual decisions and what is perceived as normative for families. It’s not a thing that’s becoming widespread outside of that.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 09:51 PM
21

No. Relationships aren’t about “the patriarchy.” Heterosexual men and women have an urge to pair-bond and generally desire companionship with each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 09:25 PM
5

With the caveat that I don’t have children and don’t have personal experience, I think overall the majority of women would vastly prefer to raise children in a relationship with a good partner. For most people, parenting alone or co-parenting without a relationship is much more difficult than parenting together in a good relationship. It presents more financial and personal challenges, as well as the negative impact on the child if the father is out of the picture entirely. However, life doesn’t…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 09:18 PM
10

I agree that male sex drives are generally higher than female sex drives (with the usual caveat that variation within individuals of each sex is always greater than between the sexes as a whole), but I don’t think the example you give is a difference demonstrating quantitative “horniness.” Rather, it’s a qualitative difference in how male and female sexuality and attraction operates, which is related but nonetheless a different subject.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 08:26 PM
2

I guess in a way, but I’ve always tried to extricate myself from anything that felt like a competition. As in, if I find out a guy I’m interested in has other women pursuing him, I pull back and bail on it unless I have clear signs I’m the only one he’s interested in back. Mostly, after a couple of early occasions, I learned I don’t care for what that feeling of “competing” or comparing myself to other women he might know does to my psychology. It doesn’t do anything good for my self-esteem or a…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 08:11 PM
5

Correct, it’s not fat shaming if all a man expresses is that he isn’t sexually attracted to obese women. I am similarly not attracted to obese or overweight men.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 03:43 PM
1

Confidence comes in both in terms of asking for the initial date, and then during the date.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 11:41 AM
1

Depends on the situation. If it’s a social setting, he’s not there with a woman, and there’s an obvious and non-inappropriate way to make his acquaintance, yeah. If not — like if it’s daytime and he’s just passing through somewhere — then no.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 11:40 AM
1

Are we talking receiving only? Meh, I guess still penetrative. I don’t orgasm from it, but I really love it. I also really like receiving oral, but I just couldn’t go without PIV.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 04:17 AM
5

As a woman with a niche style interest in men… can confirm. If I see a guy dressed in the niche style / look I like he attracts my initial attention basically 100% of the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 02:32 AM
13

Obesity significantly shrinks the pool of people who will find you attractive. Some people either don’t mind or even have a preference for obese bodies, but it’s a much smaller pool than those for whom it’s a turn-off, and that pool shrinks all the more the further up in body fat percentage you go.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 02:25 AM
7

Eh, quite a few. Just due to where I live (mid-sized city that’s relatively insular), what I do for a living, diverse interests and my tendency to be a floater between different social circles more than belonging to any one of them, I meet and stay in touch with a lot of people. I’ve also just always had a lot of fully platonic guy friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 01:41 AM
7

Social services?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 01:37 AM
35

I observe this through my social circles, as I do have a lot of male friends who I’ve known a long time, and know a fair bit about their dating lives, and my answer is that it widely depends. So, excluding anyone I know who RP would consider in the upper echelons of men in terms of looks or status: below that, it depends a lot on their personality, their social networks, and also critically on what they’re looking for and who they tend to date. The guys that had the easiest time are the ones who…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/22 01:17 AM
2

That’s not new lol, that’s the tendency of teen heartthrobs in any generation.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 11:18 PM
18

I wouldn’t personally call those guys “dad bod,” or even skinny fat. Almost all of them are clearly quite fit and would be considered as such. Setting that aside, there have of course been shifts in beauty standards, for both men and women. Trends of the 1970s generally emphasized very natural aesthetics in both face and body compared to what we’re used to now. In the 1980s, that started shifting to almost the opposite: fitness for both sexes, tons of makeup for women, ridiculous hypertrophy for…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 07:30 PM
3

No. For two reasons. One, I’ve always been totally ambivalent about having kids, and never felt any real maternal instinct or desire to have one. But two: I had the greatest father in the world. I vowed a long time ago that I’d never bring a child into the world unless their father was going to be as amazing as mine was, and wanted to be that child’s father as much as my dad wanted to be mine. A ONS or FWB thing would not have enough information that this would be the case. No way in hell I’m br…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 05:13 PM
3

Ahahaha, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 03:23 AM
1

Lot of dudes, but a lot of women too, depending on the sub.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 02:07 AM
2

We get horny. There are two situations in which I enjoy dick pics. One: when I’m in a sexual relationship with a guy, which means I absolutely fucking adore his dick, like seeing it, like fantasizing about it, and sometimes like seeing sexy photos with him if he wants to share them with me. Two: when I’m single and very horny, in which case I go to the various dick pic subs and / or see if any of the guys there want to Snap. Watching men masturbate and photos and videos of them masturbating turn…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 02:04 AM
5

I mean, there are a number of popular subs for men to post their dicks, and a good chunk of the commenters in those subs are women, so.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 01:57 AM
1

Dick pics (when solicited or otherwise sought after) turn me on quite a bit. Unsolicited do not.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 01:56 AM
4

Oh also, I mean, even outside of a relationship sometimes when I’m single and very horny I go looking for a guy who wants to send me sexy things on Snapchat.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 01:55 AM
13

Yes, if I’m sexting with a guy then I very much want to see his dick pics. And I’ll make that known. In a sexual relationship I quite enjoy it, and I don’t think I’m unusual in this regard.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 01:52 AM
62

I mean, if someone wants and asks a guy to send them a dick pic, or they have the sort of relationship where dick pics are agreed to be welcome, and the guy trusts the recipient enough to consent to send the dick pic, there’s no problem. Unsolicited dick pics should never be sent, but we know that already.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 01:48 AM
10

I wouldn’t be mad, but I’m not interested in waiting for marriage so we wouldn’t be compatible. But the topic would have come up way before three months.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 12:17 AM
10

My mom depended on a man her whole life. When my father divorced her she was 50, and had been out of the work force for nearly 30 years. If you think a 50-year-old woman who hasn’t worked in 30 years has either good job prospects capable of supporting herself, or will have an easy time finding a decent second husband, you’re absolutely delusional as to the reality of women’s lives. You are completely fucking delusional if you think women of any age can find a man willing to support them in “days…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/22 11:47 PM
6

Surgery won’t necessary lose popularity — I think it will actually continue to become more popular — but what surgeries people have, and what their aesthetic goal is when they have them, will change based on changing trends. For instance, buccal fat removal is having a major moment, but that won’t last. We’re likely on the downside of the sudden trend curve of BBL popularity. But I suspect we’ll be seeing steady increases in facelifts and eyelid surgeries, especially since our social experience …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/22 05:40 PM
5

Exactly. Even if think a guy is physically attractive and feel a spark right away — sometimes it builds later — virtually never will I have actual desire for him yet within a few dates. I need time to get to know him and just… hang out with him before I want to rip his clothes off. No matter how long it takes to get there, once I do get to that point I will be wildly, incredibly into him. But it takes a minute to get there, and most guys aren’t interested in just hanging from OLD and seeing how …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 07:24 PM
14

I don’t really see the issue, and I don’t see it as “moving bars” or even necessarily “settling.” It’s just a differing attraction style, one that I think is more common in women. There’s no need to “examine” it and it’s common for many people for feelings to sometimes develop over a longer period of time. This is why I found online dating doesn’t work for me — I do tend to need to get to know someone organically over a longer period of time, but OLD doesn’t really encourage that. You say that “…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 06:30 PM
1

Sure, send it to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 04:11 PM
1

“Beautiful” is probably my highest compliment, but I’ve only told a guy he’s beautiful if we’re already sleeping together. Last guy I called beautiful was always during or after sex where I’d just gaze at him and be like “you’re so beautiful.” That’s the context where I’ve used it. “Pretty” is I think usually something I reserve for non-sexual situations admiring men from afar, usually with friends, like not something I’ve called a guy to his face.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 03:36 PM
2

Fair enough, I guess I just don’t agree that all flirting is cringey — good flirting is basically art, it’s fun and witty and playful even for an observer like me to watch.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 02:19 PM
2

But that’s not really what he’s talking about. OP says there’s no way to flirt that isn’t cringey, but then talks about “starting a convo” to “make intentions known,” and mentions people posting screenshots of cringy messages they got on OLD. With those type of posts, we’re not talking about a situation with established chemistry. We’re talking about, yes, super cringey messages that basically amount to “yo wanna fuck” sent to a near-stranger. Occasionally, messages like that will be well-receiv…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 01:40 PM
19

Sexting and openly sexually solicitous texts aren’t the entirety of flirting. Flirting is usually more subtle, more fun, more about subtext and light teasing and double entendre, and yes there are plenty of ways to do that without sounding cringe. Of course, how openly sexual messages will be received is subjective, I agree. But that kind of stuff will far more often be cringe than not, unless limited to people you already have a relationship with.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 10:30 AM
2

There’s just a lot of handsome guys that really aren’t my type. In general, attraction is largely personality-based for me — like I do know quickly if a guy is my type, but real attraction usually takes getting to know him for a bit to build — but there is a certain look I know is objectively attractive but just isn’t what personally floats my boat. Also, the way I use words “handsome” is almost a personally neutral description. If I really, really am attracted to a guy personally I call him eit…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 04:57 AM
1

Same deal.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 04:46 AM
1

Eh, every guy is just different in how they respond. If they aren’t into me, then they’re not paying attention. If they are, they’re usually doing the same glances so we kinda meet eyes and then both look away. The fun little butterflies dance.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 04:46 AM
4

I agree. To be honest, if I tell a guy he’s handsome, it’s usually when I’m not personally attracted to him. Like I can objectively say he’s handsome but there’s no personal chemistry or attraction attached to it.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 04:16 AM
1

i have no idea what you’re referring to, to be honest. And I don’t “grill” people.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 02:27 AM
1

If a guy is attracted to me too he’ll probably be looking back at me more often than if he isn’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 01:25 AM
1

depends on the guy, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 01:23 AM
2

LOL I feel absolutely called out by this comment. Absolutely guilty of staring down a guy I like’s face every second he’s not looking at me and then awkwardly jerking my gaze away when he looks over.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/22 12:14 AM
10

I think it’s less a question of “what do I do when I’m friend zoning someone” (setting aside how stupid the phrase “friendzone” is), and more of “what do I do when I am romantically interested in someone that I don’t do when I am not.” Like: if I see a guy as a friend, then I’m not flirting with him, not going to be sneaking glances at him every chance I get, not going to be touching him in the flirty way I do when I’m attracted to someone. I’m not going to be texting him all the time (if he see…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/22 09:20 PM
1

As I said, a minority. However, I’d wager a strong bet it’s more common not to use porn than it is not to masturbate.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/22 07:51 PM
2

Ok, that’s more unusual lol
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/22 12:59 PM
3

Eh, I didn’t masturbate in high school either — I think sometimes for women especially it can take a bit longer to figure it out.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/22 12:57 PM
90

There aren’t many humans that don’t masturbate. It’s not a reasonable thing to expect people not to do. Porn is a different discussion, as there are a wide variety of ethical opinions around it. I know some men who do not use porn, though they are the minority.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/22 10:13 AM
3

Some women do. Some don’t. I personally like an equal partnership, proven via practice.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/22 12:49 AM
7

Four. It was actually at one for the first four of those years — ended a long relationship in early 2020 and didn’t have sex with anyone for a couple of years. Hell, at one point in late 2021 I’d only had sex just once in five years, so I was super sexually frustrated. Since this past winter I’ve had a few very short-term things while travelling. The most recent one might end up being more, but we’ll see.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 11:02 PM
18

No, the man does not have to “seize authority,” or assume the default is that he’s more competent. And no he doesn’t have to bear more responsibility for the relationship, house and kids. If that’s the dynamic a couple wants, that’s cool for them, but it does not have to be the default nor the only model for a successful relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 09:46 PM
1

I feel a bit old for a real “role model.” I do look to a lot of my friends who inspire me in many different ways — for how they live, love, work, how they get through difficult situations, the risks they take, the people they are to their friends. But I wouldn’t be able to point to one person as a role model. My mom is like, my anti-role model. I learned from her life only who I did not want to be, how I didn’t want to be a woman in the world, and what I absolutely did not want for myself. She w…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 07:55 PM
1

He was very sweet, very smart and very gentle. (I mean, I’m sure he still is, he isn’t dead.) He was very introspective and one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met. Also, he was a great person to talk to if you shared his interests, especially politics and social issues — when we met we would talk for hours and hours on end, diving super deep into nerdy topics. And he was a wonderful lover for me — very slow, very erotic and tender, which is the kind of sex I prefer. From the minute we met …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 01:31 PM
2

Nah. I’d rather suggest that, even if you subscribe to RP theory, one should perceive it as describing broad tendencies, while recognizing that there will still be a multitude of situations and people who don’t conform to those tendencies. My issue with some folks here is that instead of doing that, they do exactly what you did, which is jump in on any story that doesn’t match up to state that we’re lying and assert the RP theory must be true instead.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 09:16 AM
7

Don’t know what to tell you, except that are indeed extremely shy, nerdy guys who aren’t incels. My ex’s social anxiety was so severe he was in therapy about it for years, because it limited his life quite a bit. In our relationship, there were many times he couldn’t even be out in any social setting with me because his anxiety got too bad. He still had several girlfriends before me, was with me for nine years, and is in another relationship now after me. And he’s short, so I guess by RP standar…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 09:07 AM
9

You don’t know the men I’ve dated, or the men I’ve been interested in. If you did, you’d agree that I am being accurate in my assessments, and no I wasn’t going after guys with any particularly “high status” relative to the group. And yes, they were guys on the “shy, awkward weirdo” side. Both my first boyfriend and my later longest-term partner had severe social anxiety. I didn’t care, I had social anxiety too and I adored them both. My issue in dating was always me, period. I just really wasn’…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 08:41 AM
10

lol, I never, ever, ever chased “only the top 1% of men.” Ever. You guys really gotta drop the idea that every single one of us are fixated on “Chads.” I was a quiet, nerdy weirdo in high school who was interested in the guys who were the same. In early adulthood, I hung out in various social subcultures where I pursued more or less the same type of guy relative to that subculture. It’s always been the nerdy weirdos for me. The difference in my dating success later on was largely that I made mys…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 08:11 AM
1

I think I agree with this, and it explains a lot about how people can have such varying experiences.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 02:50 AM
0

I don’t think they’re “devoid of unpleasantries,” and never said that. There are always unpleasantries in workplaces. I simply gave my very extensive experience, which is that the female-dominated or entirely female spaces I’ve worked in have been overall highly positive, supportive ones that I enjoyed very much. That doesn’t mean they are or were “devoid of unpleasantries.” It goes without saying that there is always going to be friction, conflict and some bad experiences within any group envir…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 02:44 AM
0

I don’t think my experiences are rare. Obviously, some women are unpleasant, and some are exceedingly awful. But I have never once found that female-dominated environments are. Sorry you had a bad experience, but your bad experience doesn’t matter to me either in terms of how I will continue to experience and perceive working in groups of women.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 02:25 AM
1

It hasn’t been my experience at all. I’ve worked or volunteered in quite a few female-dominant or even entirely female spaces, and they’ve always been the most amazing, positive and supportive environments. I have so many memories I cherish from those places. In my social life, I would say that the best thing I’ve done in the last 10 years was decide to invest in my female friendships. I have an incredible social network of women now who are all creative, dynamic, interesting, all-around cool an…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 12:34 AM
2

It’s not “protection,” it’s clarification. From what I’ve ever seen, when BP people tend to say “looks aren’t everything, other things matter and play a role in dating success,” blackpill people and some RP people tend to hear “looks don’t matter at all.” Like the only time I even see the phrase “looks don’t matter” is when non-BP people on this or other subs are complaining that BP people say “looks don’t matter.” I’ve never seen a BP person make that sort of blanket statement or have that blan…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 07:08 PM
1

I’ve never seen anyone from BP who says looks don’t matter at all, in any way. As best I can tell it seems to be an overstatement of what BP folks tend to say, which is that looks aren’t everything.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 07:03 PM
18

Absolutely. I spent my entire teens and 20s struggling with literally all of those things. Rejection, fear of it, guys who I was interested in not liking me back, feeling totally inferior to other women, feeling like I must just be hideous and unlovable. Literally every thing you mentioned, yeah I went through it, hard. I am happy to say it got much better after that, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 05:41 PM
4

I’m late Gen X! Men never approached me ever, not once, until I started travelling. I honestly thought I must be hideously deformed until I travelled, because I’d heard so much that men would always approach. I realized it just doesn’t happen here as much.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 05:39 PM
5

Maybe, but it’s still super cultural. Men in some areas are way, way more assertive and open about their interest than in others.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 05:21 PM
8

I fully agree. It’s not just cities vs. small towns, either. There are also pretty significant cultural differences I’ve found in dating, even between regions that wouldn’t be seen as too different, culturally. For instance, in my home region, I never get cold approached by men. It just doesn’t happen here, and I don’t think it’s overall a common thing to do. But when I travel to certain places I definitely notice where men are way more assertive and likely to publicly approach, and again I’m no…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 04:55 PM
4

Honestly, I’m not sure anyone on what we call the BP side thinks that “looks don’t matter” at all. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone take that position. I think everyone understands that looks influence your success with your target dating market. The question is whether looks totally remove you from chances of having a successful sex and dating life, and for the vast majority of people the answer is “no.” What blue pill people tend to be reacting to with the “looks aren’t everything” bit is th…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 04:51 PM
2

I hope one day it does.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 02:47 PM
2

I’m not saying to “focus” on anyone. I’m just saying that for some women, including myself, desire is primarily moderated by how much personal connection and chemistry we have with the guy. You can’t force that, because it’s based on how your personalities and preferences mesh. But it isn’t simply physical and as a result, needs some time to find out if it exists or not. How much time varies widely based on the situation and the people involved. You sure do know when it clicks, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 02:30 PM
3

I lived with him and a large group of other people for about a month, due to circumstances i won’t get into we all had to spend most of our free time together. By the end of the first week I knew I was absolutely wild about him and only him, although several more conventionally attractive men were pursuing me (I don’t take this as any real compliment, i was one of the only women there, lol). Women are all different. There isn’t a “what women need” in this regard. Some people, like my best friend…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 02:07 PM
2

I literally just told you why he was different: because I had time to get to know him and develop chemistry and an emotional connection to him, which is required for me to truly experience arousal and desire. That process cannot happen at all in a ONS context, and almost by definition makes sex non-casual to me on anything slightly longer term. As I said, some people might call that situation I just described casual but I wouldn’t, because I deeply want more with him and may try to make that hap…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 01:48 PM
2

I don’t “blame” anything on anyone, and mine wasn’t a “men suck” type of post — it was a “casual sex isn’t enjoyable at all for me” post. I can’t orgasm from partner play alone in even the best possible circumstances (long-term incredibly sexually compatible partner who knew my every in and out). My expectations are very moderate in a casual setting, I just want to suck a dick and enjoy penetration. But I just can never get sufficiently aroused to enjoy myself at all, even a little bit, and at w…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 01:23 PM
2

LOL, no I don’t expect men to know intuitively, just like how every man is different too. In relationships I’m super communicative about my body and responses. For the most part, they didn’t do anything wrong. This is primarily a factor of my sexuality. To be sure, a couple of them didn’t try even a little bit to pleasure me. No foreplay, no attempt at a slow buildup. Once I realized immediately that all they cared about was jackhammering and finishing themselves, then I just mentally checked ou…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 01:06 PM
8

I’m a woman and I basically agree. 100% of the guys I go for are the “chill guys.” I feel much more comfortable with them. Being chill means I get a little time to get to know them without pressure and let some attraction to them build — that works really well for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 12:36 PM
7

Two things: one, you can’t really screen like that for casual. You can only know what your sexual compatibility is gonna be by hopping in the sack. But two, my main issue is about my sexuality, not theirs. Attraction for me is heavily influenced by personal chemistry. I simply cannot be sufficiently attracted to a man on a very short-term basis to become aroused enough to enjoy myself, even if he tries. And if I do build real attraction and chemistry with them… well, then it’s no longer casual f…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 06:05 AM
7

I mean, I can repeat what I just said: sometimes you’re super horny and have been for quite awhile, masturbating just isn’t scratching the itch anymore, and you think “maybe this time it’ll be good!!!” Vibrator orgasms suck, for me anyway, and aren’t anywhere near as good as good sex. It’s finding the good sex that’s the challenge.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 01:28 AM
6

As a 40-year-old woman who is dating: seriously, don’t internalize what you read on these subs about age and dating. Just go live your life, take care of yourself, etc. You won’t honestly find a big difference at all in interested men.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 12:46 AM
4

Eh, I’ve seen a lot of guys on Reddit who are quite frustrated about being expected to pay for every date, and I absolutely don’t blame them. They shouldn’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 12:45 AM
9

Casual sex is and has only ever been horrible for me. Just unenjoyable and boring, to outright dreadfully painful at the worst. That said, I still give it a shot once in a blue moon while single because sometimes you’re just super horny and masturbation isn’t doing it for you anymore, and hope springs eternal so you’re like “maybe this time will be different!” …But then it sucks, I remember why I hate casual sex and that solves that problem for another few years, at least.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 12:07 AM
2

My oldest friendships with (straight) men are over 20 years, and my most recent are within the last year. None have ever tried to be more than friends, just not the vibe we have, which is why we’re friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 12:05 AM
1

As a 40-year-old woman who is dating: seriously, don’t internalize what you read on these subs about age and dating. Just go live your life.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 12:04 AM
18

I think many women are absolutely awful about height (I love short guys, so I’ve heard this directly from people I’ve dated and it sucks). I also think the lingering popularity of expecting men to pay for every date, or especially every first date, is quite frankly just gross.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/22 09:56 PM
3

The greatest misery of my life without question was the last three years of my previous relationship, where I knew it was failing and couldn’t be saved but was still hoping for something to change. Being single at 40 and beyond will never ever be worse than that, ever. Not even close. Being lonely sometimes isn’t even close to as bad as that. I’m overall so much happier with my life now. Life doesn’t always work out the way you expected, but that’s also okay.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/22 09:53 PM
3

thanks. I’m fine either way ;)
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/22 11:40 AM
7

No, but I think for those of us who have had some relationships we really believed would be forever, worked very hard at, and still had them fail in incredibly miserable and painful ways, we learned those lessons about what went wrong, and are totally fine now waiting for that right match.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/22 11:35 AM
10

I think for most people, being in an unhappy or incompatible relationship is way, way more miserable than being single. Being single you can be content with pretty easily I think; very hard to be content when you live every day with someone you don’t like, or who doesn’t like you. So it ends up being the better option if another one doesn’t emerge.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/22 11:10 AM
16

I’d suggest that “somewhat lonely and wanting a relationship” and “content being single” actually co-exist side-by-side just fine. It’s entirely possible to have feelings of loneliness and want to find a good relationship, while also being content with the life one has while a relationship is not immediately forthcoming.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/22 11:02 AM
28

You seem to spend a lot of time ruminating on — and developing weirdly condescending fantasies about — the lives, feelings, motivations and experiences of women you barely know. And then kick it off with a niceguy paragraph at the end too, cool. She doesn’t want you and is happier without you bro, it’s ok. Anyway, all I can tell you is my experience as a 40 year old single woman. I didn’t plan to be single at this age; I had a very long relationship that ended a few years ago for uncommon but un…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/22 08:14 AM
1

For me, being too direct with me right off the top is an enormous turn-off. It just makes me feel uncomfortable and like i can’t relax or even get to know him. I also don’t trust the behaviour at all, it makes me assume they’re just trying to get laid with any available female and so I don’t take it as meaningful in any way. I’m only ever really attracted to guys who let me come to them — guys where I can get to know them without the flirty getting in the way. They make me feel safer. And I’ve d…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/22 06:37 AM
8

ITT: men who don’t really understand how and why some men become abusive.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/22 06:31 AM
2

What I do is try to meet up ASAP to get around that — I don’t mess around online — but even still, I’ve realized that to be really attracted to a man, I need a bit of time with him, and not in a specific “dating” context. Just getting to know him and the vibe organically. Putting it immediately into a dating context honestly just doesn’t work for my timelines of attraction, or how I need to get to know guys before I can know if I want to rip their clothes off.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/22 09:07 PM
5

Eh, dating apps really don’t work for me, so I’m not a big fan. They just don’t work with my style of attraction. I really need to meet people through organic means to develop attraction and connection, but because society is increasingly atomized that’s more difficult than maybe it was in generations past. So overall, I’d say I’m not happy with the current state of dating, but it is what it is so I don’t spend much time thinking about how else it could be. That said, yes I’m glad I didn’t basic…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/22 03:11 PM
10

I’m a woman and do not like to be dominated, at all. I prefer loving, gentle and erotic sex with a relatively even power balance.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/22 01:35 PM
5

They’re paying for porn that, in some cases on OF, is more personalized or catered. Or they just really like that particular performer. And selling a temporarily gratifying connection isn’t predatory either, if that’s what a person wants.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/22 12:38 PM
11

Why do you assume “desperation?” And even if some do have feelings of desperation, why is the simple act of someone selling a service to blame for how the buyer chooses to ameliorate those feelings? They’re grown adults, purchasing a service that provides a specific type of sexual outlet that appeals to them. Nobody is forcing them to buy it or scamming them. They aren’t victims, just customers who are getting what they choose to pay for. There needn’t be any “blame” here. I just totally fail to…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/22 11:07 PM
17

No, they’re not, and it’s terribly infantilizing to the men who choose to spend their money on OF to say so. They know what they’re buying and get what they want — typically, a more personal sort of vibe than free porn offers.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/22 10:52 PM
10

Yeah, I think as far as “if he wanted to he would” you should look at it in the broad strokes, not the fine ones, because the fine ones can come down more to communication and personality differences. But the broad ones are always about desire.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/22 09:04 PM
37

I think it’s more or less true, with a caveat I’ll mention below. I also don’t think it’s gender-specific, and I’ve found it a useful antidote to the tendency to get your hopes up and make excuses for someone you’re excited about who isn’t meeting you in the way you want. There is some wiggle room in it, so you shouldn’t take it entirely literally in all circumstances. Like, my last long-term partner never made a move on me or formally asked me out. That’s because he was super, super shy. Howeve…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/22 09:01 PM
1

I literally said in my comment that I don’t think this is gendered, and I’m sure women are the same. So yeah, I’m sure. That isn’t “the opposite.”
/r/seduction16/09/22 10:05 PM
6

Most lesbian porn is made to appeal to men and does not reflect lesbian sexual lives, let alone what straight women want with men. And like all porn, it is by nature designed first to look good on camera, not to be what the participants want. I can tell you that I have seen very, very little, if any, porn that reflects my sexuality. The best way for men to learn how to please women is to actually communicate about sex with the woman they are sleeping with and pay attention to her responses. It’s…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/22 11:19 AM
7

I think everyone wants to see better male birth control methods — this isn’t about “sex wars,” it’s also about the fact that hormonal contraception isn’t great for a lot of women and we’d love to have a better option that our male partners can use. There are various types in development that are at different stages of testing. The challenge has always been that while women have a normal hormonally-moderated non-fertile phase that can be pharmaceutically induced, men do not, so finding a way to i…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/22 07:56 AM
4

For me? Intellectual depth and curiosity. The majority of men I meet just aren’t curious about the world (to be clear, I don’t think this is a gendered trait — I’m sure women are the same). They don’t tend to explore complex ideas or topics in any real depth, and just aren’t able to hold interesting, challenging, wide-ranging conversations. The ones that can, though? As long as they fall anywhere in the broad bracket of my physical type, I’ll probably become wildly into them.
/r/seduction15/09/22 11:04 PM
2

I love being in a good relationship for a thousand reasons I can’t buy, but that I think are all pretty standard. To name only a few of them: I love the kind of sex I can only have with a long-term partner; I cannot and never will enjoy casual sex. Tried it a few times when single and horny, and it’s only ever been uncomfortable, non-pleasurable and often downright painful for me. I adore intimate, loving, connected sex with a partner where we really know and understand how to pleasure each othe…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/22 06:21 AM
3

Eh, I know some really healthy, happy women who enjoy casual sex. The difference seems to be that, in addition to a high libido, they have unusually easy orgasmic responses — they can cum super easily from penetration. And they are also fun and attractive, so get quite a nice selection of really great men to choose from. I do think it’s the minority of women who have positive overall experiences, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/22 12:15 AM
3

I agree, honestly. It can be for some women, and Godspeed to them, but I think for most of us it isn’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/22 11:30 PM
8

Yes, you can physically tell when a woman is aroused; there are clear and definite physical changes. You can also tell when she experiences an orgasm by the involuntary spasming of the vaginal walls. And believe me, if she wants to fuck you and is enjoying it, you’ll know.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/22 11:23 PM
2

I do, yeah. I mean, their boundaries are going to be fuzzy and not everyone will agree on who all is in what league, but in general yes I think there are rough tiers of attractiveness and people usually date people within the same tier. I should add that these leagues are also influenced by one’s social tribe — like a very desirable person in one subculture could be a very undesirable one in another. So it’s not a single hierarchy of leagues, but many different leagues relative to the interests …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/22 11:17 PM
10

Yeah, but to be very blunt, if you’d ever had sex with a woman who desired you, you’d know that women love sex and wouldn’t be rambling about studies.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/22 09:29 PM
9

It doesn’t have to “measure up to objective reality,” because emotions are subjective experiences. I’m an atheist. I’m not talking about literal gods. I’m talking about having sexual experiences that were profoundly, deeply affecting on an incredibly personal level that I describe as spiritual. But yeah yeah, women don’t like sex, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/22 09:11 PM
14

Sorry your life is so devoid of beauty and joy, dude. Or good orgasms, apparently.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/22 08:09 PM
15

Yeah, sometimes I moan to encourage my partner to finish, because I’m fully satisfied, getting tired and also just love it when he cums, so it’s a cue to let him know he can let go and cum. My partners have usually tended to hold back until they are sure I’m satisfied, so I communicate that I am in different ways, including moaning or just using my words. I have zero idea how you concluded that this is “weaponizing” sex, or that I don’t care about sex or my partner. It’s because I care about bot…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/22 07:20 PM
4

Not only have I never orgasmed from casual sex, I’ve never even had casual sex that wasn’t horribly uncomfortable to outright painful. Every single time I’ve just given up and wished for it to be over as quickly as possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/22 07:08 PM
3

Erotica is also a whole lot more about emotion and the relationship between the characters. Even 50 Shades was. But I think overall, comparing male and female horniness on just a quantitative level is comparing apples and oranges. It’s also largely a qualitative difference.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/22 04:35 PM
3

I agree. The differences between it and porn are fairly illuminating as to what tends to arouse women. (That said, I find most of that shit goofy, but I’m not really the target audience.)
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/22 04:31 PM
3

Yes, I agree that women seek out erotica more than porn. If you consider those the same thing, that’s fine — I would usually distinguish between visual forms (porn) and written (erotica).
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/22 04:27 PM
12

I essentially agree, though I think the difference is just as much qualitative than quantitative — it’s not just how horny women and men are or aren’t, but how their sexuality is aroused. Like, I’m a pretty horny person. When I’m single I masturbate an awful lot, and when I’m involved with a guy I’m typically so attracted to him I want to fuck him every waking minute. I can get aroused by him just looking at me, or being in the same room. But when I’m single, I don’t go looking for men just to f…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/22 04:26 PM
7

Being in the porn is work, not pleasure. The vast majority of porn is made for men and consumed by men; some women do watch, but as a whole we don’t consume nearly as much.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/22 04:16 PM
12

For what it’s worth, after I heard the concept of an “orbiter” I realized I probably had a few guys in my life RP would describe that way, and honestly that would fit the description. It’s certainly not how I thought of them at the time, and I have zero crazy stories. They were just guys who were around and I thought were my friends until eventually they realized we weren’t going to be together and drifted off. I was always kinda sad about that I guess, like realizing they weren’t really my frie…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/22 09:35 PM
1

Speaking for myself, I absolutely do crave a relationship. I do really well in healthy relationships and love having that sort of trust and companionship in my life. However, there are periods of time when I’m single. I’m in one now. Yes, I get lonely — very much, sometimes. But I am still content being single, because I know that things like feeling lonely don’t have to control my life. Those feelings will come and they go, and I can still be very happy with my single life by focusing on the th…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/22 09:58 AM
3

The issue with the question is that it isn’t “how do you show your partner they’re special to you and loved,” which would have many answers. It’s specifically “how do you show them they’re more special than your exes,” which to a lot of us, including me, implies a weird way of thinking about past relationships and invites comparisons that don’t even necessarily apply, since every relationship is different. Like, I was in a nine-year relationship until a couple of years ago. He was very special t…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/22 09:48 AM
31

I’m ancient by RP standards, and the answer is no, I’m not at all jealous of younger or prettier women. When I was in my early 20s I struggled a lot with envy towards women I saw as more beautiful, but I truly don’t anymore. I certainly don’t feel “pushed out of the way” by anyone (we’re not even dating the same demographic), nor do I feel my “value” is becoming less.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/22 08:32 PM
2

It isn’t how most people would feel, just because you feel that way. Most mature adults aren’t so obsessive over whether their relationship unfolded the same way as a partner’s previous one. …and it isn’t a “worse deal” if sex happened a little bit later, unless the only thing you give a shit about in a relationship is speed running getting to the sex part and don’t care about anything that comes after.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/22 07:50 PM
7

…people in secure relationships aren’t bothered by a partner deciding to stay out after work, even if he doesn’t normally do so.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/22 07:06 PM
9

A relationship (of any kind) is a thing between two people, hence every relationship is different and moves differently based on how those people interact and their needs at that time. It’s ridiculous to assert that when it comes to sex, you have to dispense it in an identical time frame and manner with everyone you choose to have sex with. That isn’t “inconsistency,” because there’s no rational reason why any two relationships should ever be the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/09/22 07:05 PM
3

I didn’t change for the better, nothing was wrong with me. I’ve had casual sex a handful of times over my life because I was boring. Didn’t like it. Stopped doing it. OP asked why women participated in hook-up culture when we didn’t get the outcomes we want. I told him: sometimes you’re horny and try anyway.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/22 12:33 PM
1

Cure what?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/22 11:34 PM
9

It’s not complicated. Sometimes you’re crazy horny and haven’t been laid in ages, and masturbating just isn’t doing the trick anymore, so you give it a go. Then you remember that casual sex usually sucks and isn’t even fun, let alone fulfilling, so you swear not to do it again, and you don’t, for quite a long time, until you’re in your next dry spell and horny and think… ehhhhhh maybe this time it’ll be fun. At least that’s how it went for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/22 07:56 PM
3

Sure, just don’t dismiss emerging feminist-, survivor- and Indigenous-led models of alternative justice as rape apologia, lol.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/22 01:30 PM
3

Anyway, here’s some reading: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/article-restorative-justice-lets-sexual-assault-survivors-take-back-their/ https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/how-sexual-assault-survivors-look-beyond-police-courts-forjustice/article33893684/
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/22 01:26 PM
3

Literally the first time I’ve been called that, after many years working in sexual assault crisis support and organizing, but ok!
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/22 01:23 PM
2

Good restorative justice processes know how to manage these issues, including ensuring the process isn’t manipulated by the offender or used to facilitate harm to the victim. But yes, when appropriate cases are managed this way they can be very healing for the victim, and the perpetrator does actually tend to arrive at a more authentic place of accepting guilt and acknowledging the harm they’ve caused and accepting repercussions. As I noted, not all cases are a good fit. They have to make sense …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/22 01:21 PM
2

Side note, I’m actually a big fan of expanding justice options outside the courts. There’s been some good writing on this by legal professionals who specialize in true restorative processes, on how we should be looking at alternatives to court for some cases of sexual assault. It can basically come down to this: one thing that makes sexual assault trials so damaging for the complainant is the inherently oppositional nature of the system, and the burden of proof rightly required by the court, giv…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/22 12:33 PM
17

I’m going to try and piece through this carefully. I don’t know anything about Batali personally, know the name wasn’t a fan, haven’t followed it. So can’t comment on his situation specifically. I do believe that false accusations happen, and that they can be devastating to the person falsely accused. I think allegations are more often true than they are not, but there is no doubt false ones do occur. One issue, I think, is that there are two competing needs: the need of a community to protect i…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/22 10:19 AM
2

Doggy is fun, for sure, but when I’m full on falling for a guy… face to face. Let’s see each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/22 09:44 AM
4

Mine is missionary, idk if it’s not cool. I find it the most intimate and connecting, emotionally and physically. On the former, being able to make eye contact, kiss my partner, watch each other’s faces; on the latter, being able to draw him in with my body and hold him to me with my legs and arms is just so fuckin’ beautiful.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/22 08:16 AM
2

Because people who are hurting tend to say mean things about the people who they’re hurting about, especially when they don’t yet have the emotional maturity to navigate break-ups without damaging each other, or lack the self-awareness to see their own role in a break-up. Immature men also rarely have good things to say about their exes. For what it’s worth, I can say many good things about all my exes. I couldn’t always, especially when I was younger, but now I definitely can see them as good b…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/22 06:15 AM
3

Speaking for myself, because I’m utterly fascinated by how RPers see the world, and how very different it is from my view on reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/22 06:42 PM
0

I could only date someone who was thoroughly allied with feminism, whether or not he’d use that word to describe himself. My sexual partners are exclusively leftists.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/22 04:19 PM
3

Sleeping with and relationship with would be basically the same for me, and it’s maybe 1 in 100 men of the overall population in my age range, maybe less. This does not mean men that RP guys would generally consider the most attractive to women, but I have my type, both physically and personality-wise. I don’t “lower my standards.” If I’m not attracted to someone I can’t have sex with them, period. And if I am attracted to them, then it’s because there’s enough spark that I would want to explore…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/22 01:54 PM
1

This definitely happens to me, within limits. Physical desire is hugely moderated by personal chemistry for me, so if a guy and I have great chemistry I often come to find traits I didn’t find attractive before to be absolutely beautiful, on them and even then down the road on others. Again, there are limits. For instance: I know will never be attracted to an overweight man. I am only attracted to skinny or lean guys. That has never changed no matter how good his personality is, and never will. …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/22 06:27 AM
34

Speaking as a woman… in the majority of cases no, they don’t. A very few guys have a glow-up related to age only where it just works for them, but for the most part dudes begin to become less attractive past like 35. (That process is accelerated massively if they don’t take care of themselves, which a lot do not.)
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/22 05:22 AM
4

Some people just suck at dancing dude. Or don’t like ballroom dancing moves.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/09/22 12:47 PM
3

Yes, I do. The contents of the profile are a major factor to me in whether I swipe — I need to get a sense of whether we might be compatible. If the guy only has pictures, no matter how cute he is it’s an automatic left swipe except in the rare occasion there are enough cues in the photo for me to gather that we might have a lot of things in common. That almost never happens though.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/09/22 05:54 AM
16

Nah, for me it’s super easy. I had very little luck with guys in my 20s (though to be fair, I did have two long-term relationships in that time, but they really weren’t healthy because of my lack of self-esteem). Why not? Bad mental health, terrible self-esteem, and my chosen aesthetic at the time was one that tends to turn most guys off. To me, I think that aesthetic was very much part of my horrible self-esteem — I truly believed I couldn’t measure up to what I saw as all the pretty girls, so …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/22 09:44 PM
4

Yeah. I’ve done a couple true one night stands where there were absolutely no feelings and no risk of feelings, and I had absolutely no desire to ever see them again as soon as I left. If I’m going back for a round two or beyond, it’s because I’m legitimately into the guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/22 09:11 PM
20

If I have any desire to have sex with a guy more than once, ever, there are feelings at least a little involved for me. I do tend to get attached quickly to people and have to manage that carefully.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/22 09:09 PM
2

I don’t really know how to answer this, because it seems to me as if flaws aren’t quantifiable. I don’t sit down and count them or make a list. Everybody has many flaws. It’s just part of their character. The question isn’t “how flawed can a person be,” but rather does their particular combination of strengths and flaws work with mine. And that’s not something that’s easily pinned down, you learn it by experience as you get to know someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/22 09:08 PM
2

I think different people just thrive with different things.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/22 08:55 PM
10

That did happen to me. It’s not so much that he said he didn’t care if I cheated, it’s that he said he really didn’t experience sexual or romantic jealousy, never had, didn’t need an open relationship but would be totally fine if I wanted to explore outside our relationship — ergo, it wouldn’t be cheating, since it’s not a boundary he required. It threw me for a minor loop at first but I didn’t feel less loved at all. I actually found it very refreshing, especially as my previous relationship ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/22 08:25 PM
5

A lot of men are happy and content choosing monogamy, so I’d consider there’s just a lot of variation. And it can change at different times in your life too.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/22 08:23 PM
6

For what it’s worth, a lot of women have those same thoughts too. Monogamy for many, I think, is a choice we make — not that our thoughts or desires or attractions or love are solely and ineffably contained by one person.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/22 07:18 PM
70

I don’t know if one can take anything away from something so gimmicky and artificial. She wasn’t choosing from her “pick of men,” really, she was choosing from six pictures of dorky-looking kids with extremely limited chances to gather any information about the adults behind them. I don’t think she came across as thinking she was better than the men. I think she was asked to be in the position of trying to find and narrate reasons to eliminate them for entertainment value, and I’m not sure how a…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/22 06:07 AM
1

I’m too old for him and don’t really want kids, but he seems very sweet and interesting and has the exact body type I’m most attracted to, and if I were younger and wanted kids I‘d be curious. That said, even if I were younger and wanted kids I don’t get the sense that I’m what he’s looking for, so I probably wouldn’t message so as not to waste his time.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/08/22 07:28 AM
4

Nah, women get horny. Lots. Not to the same level as men, but I can assure you I get spontaneously horny often, especially when I’m single and not having sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/08/22 12:29 AM
2

Visually only, I find guys masturbating very arousing. I subscribe to some of the subs made for this purpose on an alt. If I have a long-term partner I love watching them jerk off too. But yes, it has to be consensual — a random dude on the street whipping his dick out would be horrifying, not arousing. Sometimes just a still photo of an erect dick will get me going. Beyond that, if I’m really attracted to a guy — by which I mean personal chemistry — almost everything about him will arouse me. E…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/08/22 12:01 AM
1

It’s important to me that a partner have good personal finance skills, be able to live within his means, support his own needs, manage his income and bills and debts, etc. It doesn’t matter what his income is so long as the above is true. This goes for dating and a serious relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/22 11:55 PM
1

I find it’s very dependent on social circles. One of my issues with RP is that most of it doesn’t reflect the reality of the dating culture or preferences in my social circles. But people of similar mindsets or value systems tend to gather together, and I accept my social groups tend to be slightly outside the mainstream.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/22 08:57 AM
1

Maybe! But you said “no” women while talking to one who falls into that category, so I couldn’t fully agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/22 08:31 AM
2

Ok, then let me rephrase: I don’t want that either. A man’s income is precisely zero of a factor for me in dating, never has been, never will be. I know it is for some women, but it isn’t for all of us, because we have different values.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/22 08:15 AM
2

I was always the main breadwinner in my long-term relationships, and expect to be in any of my future ones, so don’t say none of us do ;) Like I said, I mostly date totally broke guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/22 07:54 AM
2

Sure, I don’t disagree with that, there can be a lot of classism that impacts perceptions of jobs as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/22 07:43 AM
2

Because for me, it has been a significant factor in compatibility, including shared interests, values and lifestyles. It doesn’t have to be that way for others, but for me it definitely has been. It’s not a big deal, just one of the many ways people sort themselves into social tribes. It’s not uncommon for people in creative fields to tend to flock together.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/22 05:13 AM
3

I’ve said before but I think it’s one of the better social media outlets for building communities around common interests / senses of humour / values where you are less likely to be totally anonymous. It used to be a lot better for that than it is now, but for a certain type of person it works extremely well to develop online social networks and make connections. A lot of my best friends still are Twitter people too. I’ve seen a few threads of “reply if you’re a couple who met through twitter” a…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/22 11:07 PM
5

Definitely not. I know a stunning number of couples that met on Twitter, and at least two marriages.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/22 09:15 PM
1

Yeah like I said, I’m probably using “tech” incorrectly. There are very few software developers in my region.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/22 07:35 PM
3

When I like a guy, I start by lightly touching his arm, shoulder or upper back. Not just once either, like… a lot. If he’s interested he’ll usually respond by doing the same to me, and that will naturally escalate into holding hands, holding each other around the waist, that kind of thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/22 03:31 PM
2

Possibly. I think when I say “tech” I mean certain engineers. (To be fair I don’t live in an area with a lot of tech workers.)
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/22 02:25 PM
5

Yeah. I’m older now (40) and lucky to make an unusually good income for my creative industry, so I have the lifestyle I want, which is very experience-focused. I always knew that the ambitious types weren’t for me, and I wasn’t for them. It wasn’t the lifestyle I wanted, and besides that traditionally “ambitious” personalities usually turn me right off — the whole vibe stresses me out. I love people who are passionate about the things they care about, but that’s different than ambition in my min…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/22 01:40 PM
6

I’d be open to that if we were otherwise compatible. Most lawyers and doctors and tech people I’ve known (I have several in my immediate and extended family) work absolutely stupid hours and have a much different lifestyle than I’d want, so I’m skeptical about it I guess.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/22 01:33 PM
6

Oh yes sorry. Swipe left, I meant to say. Generally speaking people with jobs that are usually demanding / “ambitious” have a personality type that doesn’t vibe with mine.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/22 01:02 PM
12

“Job” doesn’t have to mean “money.” I look at job as a big factor on the apps too, but I work in a creative field and usually look for people who work in similar ones, or in fields related to my general niche interests. That means most of the guys I swipe on are broke, but do work that is exciting to me and usually suggests compatible personalities and interests. On the flipside I tend to swipe left on anyone with demanding jobs, regardless of income average, unless their profile REALLY calls to…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/22 12:48 PM
14

I’m going to answer for my previous partner, we were together nine years and met on Twitter. Nothing made him stand out on Twitter, other than that we had some common interests and he lived in my city, so we followed each other as we were always in the same discussions. I thought he seemed very smart and engaged on topics that interested me, and we had similar political values, but we didn’t interact much on there. Eventually we both went to the same concert. I saw he was going, recognized him f…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/22 12:46 PM
4

Well, not as soon as he opened his mouth, but it’s quite common for me to become wildly attracted to someone I didn’t initially find attractive due to our personalities meshing. It’s a massive factor in physical attraction for me. The opposite, a guy I find attractive until he starts talking, is also super common. Doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a bad guy, but that something about his personality doesn’t click and turns me totally off. Had a date the other week with a guy who was incredibly good-l…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/08/22 07:45 AM
1

Blue pill isn’t a thing. It really isn’t. It’s just people living their lives who don’t need or want a theory about dating and relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/22 08:41 PM
5

I have a friend who is 45 and stunning. She has quite literally a whole line of men from 26 to 47 who she’s seeing casually, but all of them want a relationship with her. She prefers to keep a man in each city (with full knowledge of everyone that they’re not monogamous). If you take care of yourself, are fun, are a well-rounded person with a great personality, “the wall” really isn’t a thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/22 08:40 PM
16

It hasn’t been true in my own life, for personal factors pertaining to me that I understand. I have more interest, from more men and higher quality men, now at 40 than I did at any previous age. To be fair, I don’t think that’s a universal experience for women; I think it has to do with me and situations specific to me. (Also, there is likely a factor that a being woman my age who is fit and doesn’t have kids is in an advantage when dating men in my broad age range.) Definitely the overall pool …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/22 03:56 PM
1

The “blue pill” is “vague and amorphous” because, once again, it isn’t actually a thing. It is solely a term chosen by RP people for people who don’t believe in RP. It doesn’t represent any one set of ideas. There is no “blue pill” set of beliefs — it’s just people who don’t subscribe to RP beliefs, and those people have their own reasons why they do not and their own viewpoints. They may also all have their own reasons why they think RP is bullshit. So for the most part, people we refer to as B…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/22 03:48 PM
2

Right. Just as there’s no “book of blue pill” because people who aren’t red pill don’t have the same values, opinions, experiences, analysis or beliefs about modern relationships and dating. And for the most part, BP people don’t need or want some kind of overarching “truth” about these things.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/22 12:23 PM
1

It depends. If I’m going out somewhere special, it’s at least an hour to 90 minutes between hair and outfit and makeup. If I’m just going out for the day, maybe 20 minutes. Then you add all the various maintenance time that is more occasional (nails, hair, cosmetic treatments, and so on).
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/22 06:58 AM
2

The examples you cite still highlight the fact that BP isn’t a monolith or any sort of belief system, it’s just a bunch of people from all sorts of different backgrounds who don’t subscribe to RP. I think the idea that men should always pay on dates is gross. I don’t get women (or men) who think that way at all, but I also didn’t grow up in a conservative social or cultural environment. In any other setting, I would say people who think that and I don’t really have much in common in terms of our…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/22 06:48 AM
4

So, this is vaguely akin to a Christian complaining that non-Christians lack a coherent philosophy or coherent core tenets to debate against. “The problem is Buddhists say X and Jews say Y and Hindus say ZYX and and and…” In other words, you’re taking a self-defined group — in this case, red pillers — and then complaining that everyone outside that group, who hold a diverse range of experiences, opinions and perspectives on dating and relationships, don’t have any one defined set of tenets. But …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/22 06:40 AM
7

As an older single woman without kids, and who most of my friends are older single women without kids: yes, we are happy. We didn’t want kids, so it isn’t “demoralizing” that we don’t have them. If it had been something we wanted, we would have made choices accordingly to achieve that. I will say I tend to run in social circles where it’s pretty common not to desire a more traditional married-with-kids type of lifestyle. I have a lot of things in life I find fulfilling and meaningful. It was a l…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/22 10:08 PM
1

Yeah I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about clear and obvious sexual intentions from local men. It’s definitely cultural. In my home region, cold approaches are rare outside of bars, and even that isn’t too common. But I’m travelling right now in a location where men are much more assertive and aggressive, and it’s been multiple times a day having men approach me obviously for romantic or sexual intent. And I don’t read as a foreigner or traveller here, so that’s not a factor. It’s actual…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/22 10:02 PM
1

Maybe, but hard to say. I prefer people who let me come to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/22 10:01 PM
5

Because, like I said, I’m turned off by cold approaches. I get to know a lot of people in many ways, but I’m not going to give my number to a random stranger.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/22 06:02 PM
4

Because I don’t like it when people cold approach. It’s a big turn-off for me. And in a cold approach I simply do not have enough information to gather an inkling of whether we’d be compatible, so I don’t want to continue it.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/22 05:05 PM
12

No, never. It’s only happened a handful of times at home. Much more common while travelling. But in all cases I would never consider giving someone my number or agreeing to a date from a stranger approaching me.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/22 03:21 PM
14

You nailed it. Those are some of the things that are unsettling to many neurotypical people, especially if they don’t know about autism. For neurotypical people, when you can’t “read” a person, because their behaviour is lacking in responsive back-and-forth non-verbal communication, it sets off of alarm bells. We depend on being able to pick up small cues from strangers to determine our comfort level, gauge their level of comfort with us, and build rapport. When those are absent or very out of t…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/22 05:43 AM
1

Showing up in chats for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/22 11:04 PM
2

Never. Honestly, it’s just a bad idea. It’s usually impossible to know who will hit it off, and there are only downsides — like if they don’t click then they’re basically just wondering “does Wintergreen know me at all?” What I usually do is just try to create larger social opportunities they’ll both be at without trying to “set them up.” Maybe I have a hunch they’ll get along, but just allow it to happen naturally.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/22 08:03 PM
1

I DMed.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/22 07:12 AM
2

Haha. It was me that ended it. I could tell you why we broke up, but I doubt you’ll want to take the same route.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/22 06:50 AM
5

My friends and I all have totally different taste in men. Whenever I’m making new friends with someone we discuss what type of dudes we like, both looks and personality, and it’s almost always quite different. I remember my best friend happily saying “you and I will never go for the same man,” so we instantly pledged to be wingwomen for each other. I wouldn’t touch any of her boyfriends with a ten-foot pole. She would find the guys I like too skinny and shy and non-passionate. Another friend aga…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 07:35 PM
1

Sure, go for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 10:28 AM
5

Yeah, I’ve had this, guys who were shaped in a way that was a horrible fit for my body. I don’t do well with anything curved, and especially not if it’s curved a bit to the side — if it’s curved a bit to the side penetration is only ever very uncomfortable for me, and if it’s curved up or down too much it is too.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 07:16 AM
7

Look is way more important than size, agreed. I gotta think it’s beautiful.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 07:14 AM
11

I don’t have a current partner. (See my last paragraph about “if” I fall in love again.) He was my longest and last relationship. So I when I saw someone else answer for their ex I did the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 07:07 AM
29

My last partner was easily the best sex of my life. He knew that. We used to really like talking about our sexual experiences. We were together nine years. It absolutely didn’t start as casual sex. It started as a friendship. The relationship wasn’t toxic. It was beautiful, and the sex was beautiful too. Unfortunately we had to part for reasons I won’t get into, but that are very uncommon. It’s hard because I can’t easily replace the kind of sex we had, that was so loving and tender, where we kn…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 04:08 AM
0

I’m saying that fantasy doesn’t matter for real life, outside of a minority of people with fetishes on both sides. A minority of men only dig chicks with giant tits or giant asses, but most men may enjoy looking at that but don’t apply it as a requirement to partners, casual or otherwise. Same with women. Some women may be very invested in only wanting or being thirsty for big dicks, but it’s not a big deal to most. And again: hookup or not, women almost never know how big your dick is when they…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/22 10:14 PM
0

Women don’t know a man’s dick size when they decide to have sex with him, casual or otherwise. And I’m not sure why we have such a different experience on the men gone wild subs targeted to women, because the top posts I see there show a full range and are mostly about whether the guy has a hot body or not. I am a woman, all of my friends are women, and I can assure you we don’t care much about giant dicks. It’s a curiosity at best. A minority of size queens out there, but for most of us it’s re…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/22 09:34 PM
3

Of course. We’re all adults, and I much prefer to be with people who are comfortable having open and honest discussions about our sexual histories.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/22 09:58 PM
14

What exactly do you propose this “accountability” look like?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/22 06:40 PM
8

That’s fine. I’m responsible for myself and my own feelings first and foremost; nobody else is responsible for them, including the men I date. That means I’ll sleep with someone when I feel confident it’s a healthy situation for me, and not a moment before, whether that takes a night or a week or two. Or never. Anything else would be unwise.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/22 06:08 PM
2

I just don’t think it’s something that can be hidden. The kind of chemistry and compatibility I look for in a LTR tends to assert itself naturally because it’s just about the energy between two people. And it’s also person-specific, so what one woman (me, for instance) would consider major LTR material another woman wouldn’t think of as LTR material at all, so I don’t think there’s any “efficiency” to be found.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/22 05:40 PM
5

I wouldn’t sleep with someone who has a bad personality, ever. The question is about chemistry and compatibility: whether we have that spark of a deeper connection, or whether this is someone I can really see myself developing feelings for, or already have developed feelings for. If we do, then I need to protect myself until I know if we’re on the same page. Casual sex is for if he’s cute enough at the right place and the right time, and I find him nice and like hanging out with him, but don’t o…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/22 05:36 PM
3

It can be, but you can also really find or develop your own circles with the vibe you want.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/22 11:19 PM
2

It depends where I am. In my home city, literally never, except in nightclubs where it’s happened a few times. Outside of a nightclub, I can remember it happening once in the last decade, a couple of months ago, and it was so unusual i was totally confused what was happening. But some places when I travel, which I do a lot for work, it happens almost every day or multiple times a day. (And I’m talking about places where it would not be obvious I’m a visitor or a foreigner, so that’s not a factor…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/22 09:55 PM
6

It depends. With me and my ex, we followed each other because we live in the same city and were commenting on a lot of similar local news stuff. We didn’t interact too much, but I saw him out once and recognized him from his profile picture so went to say hello, and after that we got to know each other better. Other people I know had more of a distance thing where they followed each other after connecting on shared interests (sports, politics) and then got to DMing about those interests and even…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/22 09:47 PM
14

The number of couples I know who met on Twitter is wild. (I used to be one of them for many years.) apparently a pretty effective way to meet and naturally get to know people with similar interests and senses of humour.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/22 09:36 PM
4

Yeah, I think my first with a partner was around 24-25.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/22 02:45 PM
3

I can enjoy sex without orgasm, mainly because even clitorally speaking I just need… quite a lot of work to orgasm. And sometimes it’s just not worth it to me to put in the work, like I’m too tired or whatever. Also, if I’ve had any more than two alcoholic drinks in a night I cannot orgasm. Dulls sensation too much for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/22 02:21 PM
4

I’ve never seen anyone on Reddit claim women don’t enjoy sex. One can enjoy vaginal penetration without orgasming from it; I certainly do. I also think saying women aren’t being “honest” when we assert how common it is not to be able to orgasm from penetration alone is obnoxious. I used to work for a very large sexual health and sexual education resource for women. By far the biggest reason people came to us is that they did not experience orgasm from penetration. At the time we had studies avai…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/22 01:28 PM
1

You don’t need to assume anything, you can just ask. I’m a woman, and when a friend (male or female) is talking to me about their issues, I just ask: do you want my thoughts, or just want me to listen? Sometimes they’re like “yeah I really want your advice” and ask more specific questions, sometimes not, either is cool but it’s easy to establish it directly.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/22 08:49 AM
5

Erotica is fantasy dude. Physical attraction exists, and it’s easier to convey some being hot in a short sizzling written format than it would be the many nuanced factors that make up attraction in real life relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/22 09:18 AM
3

It depends what surgery you’re referring to. If someone (male or female) has, for instance, a badly recessed jaw, there is absolutely nothing that will improve their looks and appeal nearly as much as jaw surgery. Same if they have a really difficult starting nose. For most people surgery isn’t going to make a huge difference, but the improvement offered by good surgery on people with one or two really unfortunate features is far more than minute.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/22 09:36 AM
3

It really depends on the strength of the attraction. If it’s just a guy I think is physically attractive, but we don’t have any really strong personal chemistry, then it’s quite easy to just be friends. If there’s real sexual tension or electric personal chemistry, but we can’t date for whatever reason, then it’s very difficult to stay friends (and usually a danger zone, since it usually means there’s a reason we shouldn’t be involved).
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/22 11:04 PM
1

Honestly, if most of the pill-folk around here would be less rigid in the idea of a near-universal Chad, I’d agree with them far more.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/22 07:43 PM
3

In that case, I agree with you. But I do think most people around here have a specific physical ideal in mind when they refer to “Chad” — usually tall, quite fit and very conventionally facially attractive. If we consider “Chad” to be subjective and defined by the individual, then sure I agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/22 07:31 PM
2

Basically, but with the caveat that I don’t subscribe to the universality of the “Chad.” I’ve never slept with anyone you guys would call a Chad; I’ve never been inclined to; it’s not my “type.” Chads may be much more widely attractive to women, but it’s not universal. Myself and every woman I know have different types that will turn our heads on a dime. (The trick to finding a good wingwoman is finding someone for whom you will never ever go for the same man.) Other than that, I think you’ve su…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/22 06:16 PM
6

This is one of the very few things posted in this sub that I actually agree with, quite a bit, and that reflects my own experience. If it’s just sex, a guy has to be attractive to me (on my personal scale of what makes a guy hot, anyway) because there’s not gonna be time to develop any other type of chemistry. If he’s not very physically attractive, then I can’t get aroused, so the sex would just be uncomfortable and boring. But for relationships, my physical desire for him will be massively sha…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/22 05:20 PM
1

I completely disagree with most of these, because they are simply not at all in line with the reality I live, or that of my friends. As with most things, I’m sure there are some women who behave these ways or have these preferences. Some women like men who are rough in bed — I certainly don’t, and many of my friends don’t, but some do. Some women like playful condescension, I find the latter extremely off-putting. The reasons I may or may not have sex with a guy quickly depends on how much my fe…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/22 05:04 PM
1

I’m slightly confused by the relationship between the title question and the story. In regards to the title question, do you mean financial worth? Assuming so, yes I’d be turned off. As for her, without knowing exactly what was said, she sounds annoying and high-maintenance. Easy next.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/22 09:56 AM
8

Imaging thinking a shitty date with an annoying person is in any way analogous to being the victim of sexual violence.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/22 09:53 AM
7

I’ve never seen a man list his income on an OLD profile, or mention it at all on a first or second date. (And I’m talking now, currently, not years ago.) I’d suggest that doing so will only attract exactly the type of women men say they don’t want to attract.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/22 09:51 AM
1

Haha, I can assure you that bigger breasts absolutely get more attention. Women know this, because we can dress for it personally. I can go out on the town in the exact same outfit and makeup, but with a very different bra, and get an entirely different level of attention. If my tits are strapped down and look smaller, very different experience than if I have a bra that makes them look even a cup size bigger. In addition, many women who have had breast implants report noticeable increases in att…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/22 09:26 AM
1

I know some guys do, but in my experience it isn’t the majority. You can tell the ones who do pretty easily because they bolt quick as soon as you’re assertive about showing interest back.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/22 12:43 AM
3

I actually have always found missionary more common in media. But setting that aside, I’m absolutely baffled by the idea that showing cowgirl would be “agenda.” And of course cowgirl is a common position in real life — speaking personally, it’s happened easily the vast majority of times I’ve ever had sex. No offence, but if you’re seeing a bog-standard sex position and thinking “agenda to show strong independent women in control” you need to step away from the Internet for a bit. The answer to t…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/08/22 12:38 AM
8

Other than online dating, most of this typically comes through organic connections. People they meet through school, or work, or friends. People they start talking to, and realized they clicked with, and it evolved naturally from there. So, for example: the last guy I really hit it off with was someone I met through a mutual friend, when we were all at the same professional event and spent some time together. He and I sure noticed quick that we had amazing chemistry and loved to spend time toget…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/22 07:18 PM
4

I am honest, and men on these subs don’t tend to believe me when I am. It’s not a lack of honesty, it’s that everyone is extremely attached to their worldview and will tend to discard evidence to the contrary.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/22 01:05 AM
2

Physical: I love guys with messed-up bottom teeth. Like if their bottom teeth are kinda crowded and twisted, that’s so hot to me. All of my long-term boyfriends have had it. No idea why, but I love it, and if I’m starting to be interested in a guy and notice he has teeth like that I’m basically a living embodiment of the smirk emoji. Behavioural, I’m honestly struggling to think of anything I would define as “odd.” I’m sure I have something others might see that way, but nothing that clicks for …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/22 12:57 PM
7

To carry your goofy analogy, whenever I want to go out for drinks somewhere new I look up dive bars, not fancy cocktail lounges. Why? Because I love them. They’re my vibe. I think they’re beautiful with all their many textures. I always have fun at a dirty dive bar, whereas I don’t feel comfortable in fancy places. But insofar as people, the fact is that I don’t give a shit whether someone is considered average-looking by others. I care about whether I personally want to rip their clothes off. A…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/22 12:34 PM
4

Yeah, I ended a very long-term relationship in my late 30s and was really scared that nobody would ever want me, because I’d internalized that stuff so much — turns out I actually get more interest from men than ever, including a diverse range of very good men. A lot of that is changes I’ve made with myself and my life for sure, but none of my female friends in their 40s are having any problems either.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/22 06:29 AM
4

Those comments absolutely don’t reflect reality. I say that from extensive experience. Red pill guys would really like to believe dating is awful for women at 30+, but so long as you take care of yourself that’s absolutely not true. Thirty is a great age to date as a woman, and assuming you’re a cool person without any major issues, you will have zero problem finding people to date and get to know, and see if you find the right person for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/22 06:03 AM
10

It’s the opposite for me, in my social circles. When my friends and I refer to a guy as “cute,” it’s actually very high praise for his attractiveness — and yes, we still see men we call “cute” as a man. It means he seems like someone we’d actually want to be with, date, etc. If a friend shows me a photo of a guy she’s dating, my reaction 100% of the time if he’s hot is “oh he’s CUTE.” It’s just how we use that word. The other day I was lamenting a guy I had to stop seeing after a couple of dates…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/22 10:35 PM
5

There’s a line. For me, a guy I find “repulsive” to look at will never become attractive. But a guy I’m neutral on when we first meet can become the hottest, sexiest damn person ever to me if the chemistry is there.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/22 05:19 PM
1

I mean, I expect that most people in relationships fantasize about other people sometimes. As the saying goes, you’re married, you’re not dead. Hot people are still hot, and enjoying a little solo time fantasizing about a celebrity isn’t really a big deal, to me at least. Sexual fantasy is healthy so long as you fully understand it as fantasy. As far as dead bedrooms, that usually has less to do with a partner being a “less attractive” person (unless they really let themselves go, which often ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/22 06:37 AM
1

I’m much more of a B person, by far.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 10:58 PM
51

It’s typically not conscious behaviour, just human reactions to certain stimuli common to many personalities, and I can tell you from extensive personal experience that guys do this exact same stuff. It’s pretty simple. If a woman isn’t that interested in you, then you expressing interest highlights that and turns her off. But if she starts feeling lonely or bored, maybe in her mind she remembers that she did enjoy spending time with you or talking to you, and reaches back to try it again. This …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 10:56 PM
5

…then they should break up with their partners, since they’d be happier single.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 01:19 PM
9

Of course, and they absolutely should. Nobody should date anyone who doesn’t make their life better than it is without that person. That seems like the most fundamental rule of dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 12:09 PM
2

I mean, plenty of women in Reddit nudity-sharing subs are drooling over average-sized dicks too (the subs I look at, at least, drool level has way more to do with the guy’s body and face, if shown, than the size of his dick). A quick browse on the week’s top posts of the dick-sharing subs I follow on a different account, and most of the dicks are in the average range, some are bigger, some a little smaller and several aren’t even hard. But the guys are always really fit. Anyway, big dicks get at…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 11:48 AM
2

Yeah. The last guy I slept with was curved and almost every thrust hurt. Which sucked because I REALLY liked him.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/22 02:25 AM
2

I wasn’t saying I haven’t slept with a huge number of men for embarrassment’s sake lol, I was saying it to indicate I don’t have a representative sample of like, 100s of men. Still, my sexual history has been fairly average so it’s not an outlier either.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 10:57 PM
6

Yeah, and guys are always drooling over photos of women with huge tits or asses, but every guy I’ve ever slept with has been quite thrilled with my considerably more average ones. In other words, very big dicks can be fun to look at, make admiring comments about on Reddit, and so forth. It’s just fun. It doesn’t necessarily translate to any significant preference in terms of real-life partners, but more than that, once again, 10-inch dicks are so far outside the norm that most women will never e…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 10:29 PM
4

LMFAO, no. Ten-inch penises so rare, very few women will ever even encounter one or one close to that, let alone have a preference for them. Male penis size distribution is very heavily bunched up near the average. In addition, the average vaginal depth is about 4.5 inches at arousal, with a similar common distribution range within an inch more or less, so length-wise a 10 inch penis offers absolutely nothing. Our vaginas don’t go into our lungs. What I do tend to find is people… really don’t ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 10:12 PM
6

It really isn’t. Not if they’re measuring correctly and honestly, that’s for sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 05:00 PM
4

I think I’m in the minority based on what I know from discussions with friends, but I’m not a big fan of a curved dick, they seem to cause pain during penetration more often. (My cervix is in a slightly off-kilter spot, which could explain it.) I love straight. But I can work with it no matter what so long as the curve isn’t too dramatic.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 02:48 PM
7

Assuming that is accurate, I’d suggest that sex toy sales don’t map onto preferences for human bodies. For one thing, not only women buy dildos. But another big factor would be that the people who tend to buy the most dildos would be people more interested in kinks. So, for instance: I’ve never bought a dildo in my life, they would do absolutely nothing for me, and I suspect many women are the same — most of us don’t get off from penetration, so for our solo needs we buy nice sleek little vibrat…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 02:41 PM
30

Some of this is personal experience, so: under maybe 4.25” erect I think it starts to make some aspects of penetration a little more difficult. By 5” erect I don’t think anyone will have problems due to penis size. I don’t think penis size impacts the quantity of casual sex one could have, since even if you have a dick size preference, typically once you’re seeing his dick in the first place you’re already pretty committed to having sex with him. For me, the upper limit on length is about 7” ere…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 02:31 PM
3

Of the categories you mention, the biggest one by far amongst men I know is great guys who are overweight. Some of my guy friends are in that camp and have dating woes, and like… I’ve seen photos of them when they were more fit, and they were so handsome. If they just put in a bit of effort to slim down and get into even moderately decent shape, they’d have no problems at all. For the latter two categories… well, my first boyfriend was a total mess in hygiene and work ethic (I don’t care about a…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 06:05 AM
7

I hate shaving. Hate it. Only do it due to social norms, otherwise it’s such an annoyance and also literal pain for me. That said, I do laser hair removal of my full legs and bikini now and it’s been a game-changer — if I keep up with it I can go a month or more between shaves, and shaving is a lot quicker and less uncomfortable. So that’s helping a lot.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 04:53 AM
1

I don’t see sex as inherently degrading. While being penetrated certainly can be vulnerable, depending on the dynamic, I have more often experienced it as feeling very powerful. For instance, I don’t see penetration as something I “submit” to, as per the wording in your post — to me it’s more like an invitation, a welcoming. On a psychological erotic level, that has always felt very expansive and empowering. For instance, when I’m ready for penetration, and I know he wants it and I get to whispe…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 04:39 AM
2

Yep. The men I have desired most in my life, like the most absolutely animal level of lust, it all started with at least a few weeks of platonic conversation without what I would see as overt flirting.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 04:19 AM
2

…do you think people don’t change? With my first relationship, we tried a few fairly mild BDSM things at my request. I liked it alright at the time. Didn’t love it, but I was in a safe, trusting relationship, I was new to sex and curious about different things, and it was enjoyable to try out and see what it was like. But I’m older now. I’ve had life experiences and personal growth that have shaped me as a person, my preferences in many things are different now than at 21, and I also understand …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 04:13 AM
6

Dating isn’t “fair” for anyone. It’s an inherently exclusionary act, in which individual romantic and social preferences are thrown into direct contact with each other, with different approaches and misunderstandings resulting. Men have a range of barriers and challenges they tend to face most. Women have their range of barriers and challenges. Neither is “fair,” because at the end of the day every date is a thoroughly personal interaction between two people, and neither men nor women are oblige…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 10:02 PM
1

It entirely depends on what he means by “men’s issues.” I would be absolutely thrilled to date a man who, as just one example, was passionate about the disproportionate criminalization of Black men, and the rights, safety and well-being of incarcerated men in general. I’d be thrilled to date someone who worked on men’s mental health, aiming to tackle men’s higher suicide rates, or worked on developing healthy relationships between men. I know a guy who works with young men and boys from really, …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/22 08:10 PM
1

If we’re not only talking romantically-inclined compliments, then it’s always 3+ (except on days I don’t leave the house). The vast majority are from other women, friends or strangers both. I do enjoy when people (especially women) compliment me a lot, and try to do the same. If we were talking only men, it would be much rarer, maybe a couple times a month.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/22 01:11 PM
1

I think most of my male friends are really good-looking guys. They’re just people who are more like brothers to me, and me like a sister to them, because we don’t have the kind of connection that sparks desire or romance. In my social circles it’s not just normal but almost universal to have close inter-gender friends that truly do not involve anyone catching feelings. I realize that doesn’t seem to be normal for everyone, but it’s unremarkable for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/22 01:37 AM
14

Just because a guy thinks he has great chemistry with a woman, doesn’t mean she also thinks so, and that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with looks. Example: I went out on a couple of dates with a guy. Good-looking dude, exactly my type physically, good guy too. He thought we had chemistry because I made him laugh and kept conversation moving easily. I didn’t think we had any chemistry at all, because nothing about his personality clicked with me or, to be frank, really excited or intere…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/22 01:27 AM
6

Person A and it’s not even close, because if I have “amazing chemistry” with them, then I’m going to find them ludicrously hot. I will be far more physically attracted to them than Person B. Actual lust and physical attraction, for me, is very heavily moderated by interpersonal chemistry. I have never truly desired someone with whom I don’t have that kind of connection.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/22 01:22 AM
17

It sometimes happens for both men and women that they end a relationship they later look back on and wish they hadn’t, though I will say there can be a lot of romanticization of the past in that process — like over time, you might forget why you were unhappy in the relationship, and remember only the good parts. That said, I don’t think it’s super common. I can’t think of many people I know who truly regret any of their break-ups, even if that break-up was with good people. At the end of the day…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/22 02:37 PM
1

In all of my most important relationships, it took time. For me, real, deep sexual and physical attraction takes personal chemistry and some getting to know each other to build. All of my most important romantic and sexual relationships have been with people I wasn’t attracted to right away, but was extremely attracted to once we spent time getting to know each other. This seems to be how attraction works for me. I can be attracted to a guy right away, but the few times I’ve ended up sleeping wi…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/22 11:35 PM
1

In early dating, as in the first few dates, I never allow men to pay for everything. Either we get separate bills or I’ll pay for it. Once we are becoming a “thing,” if he’d like to pick up the bill, that’s cool. In that case I will of course express my gratitude and I will promise I will pick up the next one, which I do. I don’t expect men to pay, and would never want men to pay for everything all the time. I appreciate that sometimes people wish to pay because it can feel good to treat someone…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/22 09:29 PM
4

I know that when my ex and I started dating, he talked about me so damn much at work one of his coworkers literally had to yell “I know you’re happy but can you shut the fuck up about Wintergreen233 for one second,” lol. So yeah, guys can do it too.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/22 05:14 AM
2

I’ve never known anyone to boast about their boyfriend to make their friends jealous. Usually they’re so deep in that good ol’ new relationship energy they just can’t stop talking about how great he is, but it’s just because they’re crushing hard and excited, not to make anyone jealous. It’s really no big deal, I might roll my eyes and laugh but I know I do it too when I’m falling hard for a dude.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/22 05:13 AM
5

Cold approaching has never been frequent, in my experience and at least not in my region. (I notice it a lot more in some places when I travel.) I’m fine with it, I’m not interested in being cold approached in most settings.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/22 12:13 AM
–

Yeah, and I fled the suburbs as soon as I was 18 and don’t ever want to go back, so same deal, heh.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 06:17 PM
–

I live in a city. Very few people here actually need a truck for work (I get it if you’re, like, a contractor), or on a regular basis. Personally, I consider trucks and SUVs driven by people who don’t need them to be wasteful, and totally impractical in an urban environment. So if a guy here drives one (outside of a work truck), it usually indicates he aspires to a more rural, rugged lifestyle (the exact opposite of what I want), or that he just likes spending his extra money on big flashy vehic…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 06:05 PM
–

I’m a woman. I do this somewhat, although not to the extent you’re describing. But my friends and I generally describe the largest swath of Tinder men we’re not interested in as “fish and truck guys.” Or even just “too many truck guys,” no mention of fish. Generally speaking, if a guy drives a sports car or a truck or SUV I assume we have very different personalities and interests, so my judgment on their personality is equivalent to a moderate turn-off. If we get to know each other and I’m prov…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 05:35 PM
4

I honestly don’t know if I think about it in terms of tropes. Maybe I don’t use it often enough to have a sense of what those are. I scan first for good writing, second to make sure it’s not too long, third for a story that doesn’t involve any of my instant turn-offs (non-con, BDSM, etc.) and then if the first few paragraphs interest me I’ll give it a go. I like work with a lot of sensory details and very vivid prose. I don’t need much space for self-insert.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 03:52 PM
11

I’m not the best person to answer, as I don’t read a lot of erotica, but I do turn to it occasionally and I never, ever look at visual porn. The “why” is pretty simple: erotica is often written for the female gaze. It allows me to fairly easily scan for something that appeals to my sexuality. And I can be quite certain that no real person was exploited in the making of the erotica. I don’t have those guarantees in visual porn. The vast majority of it is created to appeal to men and to men’s wish…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/22 02:54 PM
1

Because I have extensive real-life experience, both my own and those of my broader social circle, of men and women having healthy, happy, loving relationships that they actively choose, that make both their lives better, and that they wish to maintain. I don’t get my ideas about men or why I should or shouldn’t date from OK Cupid data. I get it from the men in my life, and I’ve seen and experienced plenty of love.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/22 10:24 PM
20

I have not, no. I have zero interest in selling my sexuality, online or in person. In addition, most women doing sex work don’t make a lot of money, and due to the stigma there can be repercussions in other areas of your life which would not make the trade-off worth it to me. I have much better ways of supporting myself that I enjoy and that don’t risk my physical, mental or social well-being so much.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/22 09:50 PM
7

I love this entire comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/22 04:42 AM
4

It depends on the man, and the context. Mostly, I wouldn’t say it makes me feel anything in particular.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 09:17 PM
2

I absolutely hate all of that stuff. All of it. And what I hate most of all is how many guys assume all women like it. I have a Snapchat I occasionally like to play on with anonymous texting. So many guys I’ve started to play with on there immediately go to shit about choking me, or using degrading or patronizing language. It’s an instant turn-off for me, and it blows my mind that they just whip out stuff like that without asking.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/22 12:48 AM
1

For me, it’s very difficult to orgasm. I can basically orgasm during sex in one reliable way: by masturbating while I’m on top of him. I can usually get myself there within 10 minutes, not always but maybe 80% of the time, so long as I’m sufficiently aroused and warmed up and haven’t had any alcohol at all. If I don’t do it myself, I might orgasm one out of every five times at best, only via oral sex (never penetration), and only with a long-term partner who is very, very knowledgeable about my …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/22 04:58 AM
2

I’ve been madly in love and lust with men other women wouldn’t consider attractive, or I know aren’t my friends’ type. It doesn’t change anything for me. I like what I like, I don’t expect my friends to have the same preferences in men, just like I don’t find the guys they tend to like attractive. The bigger issue is whether or not they like him as a person. I’ve been on both sides of that coin — dating a guy my friends didn’t like, and not liking a guy my friend was dating — and what I learned …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 03:24 AM
1

I never dreamed about marriage at all when I was young, as in my teens. It just wasn’t something I thought about, or that seemed important to me. Without getting too much into details, for a brief period of time in my early 30s, I did find myself far more interested in the idea. But life changed and the desire eventually faded. Now, after a few deaths in my family, I no longer care. I realized that a big part of what I had begun to like about the idea of marriage was having a reason to bring all…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/22 03:05 AM
28

Same. “When was your last relationship, and what happened there,” is a pretty normal first date type of question. If a guy was asking me via text if I’ve ever had one night stands before we had even met, I’d find that incredibly off-putting. We can discuss our sexual histories in more depth as we grow closer, but I’m not interested in doing so by text with a literal stranger.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 11:53 PM
3

Some people in this sub really need to get out more and realize that lots of men actually really like their female partners and the lives and families they make together.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 11:48 PM
2

Maybe I’m just lucky that I haven’t found any of the guys to be dry, all my convos have been fun. But I only swipe on men who I can tell from their bio that we have similar interests and outlooks on the world.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 08:48 PM
5

I’m sort of the opposite. I never really dated, I was one of those people who usually just met people as friends, until we hooked up and stayed hooked up for years. I’d never done the type of dating where you’re meeting new people for the purpose of exploring relationship potential. The more I’ve done of it in the last few years, the more I really like it. None of my dates have been a romantic match, but we’ve always had fun conversations. It turns out I really enjoy meeting new people and sever…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 08:30 PM
1

But it sorts itself out. For long-term relationships, men who don’t want kids are looking for women who also don’t want kids, and vice versa. It’s a smaller pool, yes, but they’re a smaller pool mostly looking for people in that pool.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 07:35 PM
10

This is why I don’t do it anymore. I had a few hook-ups in my life, because I absolutely do love good sex and sometimes you’re single and horny and want to scratch that itch. Every single time it was totally terrible, not enjoyable at all. After the third time, I was like… nope, this clearly does not work for me, it sucks and is never worth it, so I guess I’m just gonna be sexless between relationships. For me, a big part of the reason it’s bad is I’ve learned that arousal just doesn’t really ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 05:41 PM
23

Yep. Anyone who works with the populations of the most vulnerable to these situations knows that the people in them are stuck in cycles of incredible trauma. In my city, a very common profile of a young woman with, say, four kids by age 21 and no present father for any of them would be a girl who was sexually and physically abused as a child, possibly sexually exploited by her own parents in exchange for access to drugs, and drug-addicted and prostituted herself by 12 or 13. She’s likely had at …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 05:26 PM
2

The model won’t randomly fuck the visibly homeless person because she isn’t attracted to him, not because she’s making a logical judgment. He likely triggers very primal emotions of disgust or even fear, not because of any logical process. The stranger at the bar could be homeless, for all the person who meets them there knows, but absent visible factors that trigger disgust they’ll generally not look into it too deeply. Setting that aside, I assert again that affairs are not typically logical, …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 12:07 PM
15

Logical reasoning and affairs (or, for that matter, fucking of any kind) almost never go together. It’s all some combo of emotion (positive and negative), impulse, opportunity and attraction. Nobody is usually sitting there thinking “hmmm yes I have a logical reason for wanting to fuck this person.”
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/22 02:27 AM
3

Yep, many times. Pretty much most of the guys I’ve been involved with were like that. My first adult SO was a casual acquaintance. I wasn’t into him at all. I was actually trying to hook him up with a friend, I thought they’d be a good match, so I invited him over to hang out with us. She wasn’t into him, she went home, him and I started talking and next thing I knew I was in love with him and we dated for two years. My last very long-term SO, we’d been hanging out as friends for a month or so. …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/22 11:50 PM
2

For me, emotional connection comes through a mixture of shared vulnerability and also very deep mutual understanding. It comes when I feel as if my partner truly knows me, and I truly know him. Vulnerability is required to get there, and no, real vulnerability isn’t “needy,” because you aren’t taking anything from someone — you’re giving them something. You’re giving them your trust and the opportunity to know you as intimately as someone can. When I’m dating someone, things are going well and h…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/22 09:49 PM
12

This is the issue with insisting on viewing every individual case through a strictly RP lens. You have to be able to wrap your mind around the fact that, y’know, some people fall in love, and some people have different desires, interests, attractions and priorities. Also, absolutely hilarious to me to refer to Eva Mendes as “inferior” to Ryan Gosling, and their marriage as him “eating like a peasant.” Yeah, she’s older than him. She’s also gorgeous and by all accounts a lovely person. They’ve be…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/22 02:13 PM
1

I try to ask for an IRL date within the first 5-10 messages exchanged, and ask for a date that week. I really don’t care for chatting on the apps and I enjoy meeting people, so to me I’d rather move it to IRL ASAP so we can see how we vibe. Anything over a few days would be too long to me to ask, but I always ask first so it’s never gotten to that point. And there’s no too early for me, if a guy opened asking for a date on the very first message I’d be happy.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/22 12:05 AM
20

I’ve dated several short men (5’3 to 5’6) and all were totally fine with their height, didn’t care if I was taller then them in heels, and were not insecure at all. I have literally zero “short guy” stories other than I actively prefer short men (I’m short too) and have never encountered any sort of negative experience or behaviour related to them being short.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/22 11:45 PM
2

I’m most attracted to men with more oval faces, slightly short lower jaws, a very strong, angular nose and very large eyes. (Everything else has some leeway but the big eyes is absolutely mandatory for me, never been attracted to a man who didn’t have large eyes.) Also, low overall body fat so that they have good facial definition. Major bonus points if they have a little scruff, long eyelashes, defined eyebrows and lips on the slightly fuller side. I also have sort of a weird thing for jammed-u…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/22 11:37 PM
2

Nah. I sort of get the appeal from a sexual level, but it’s so rare I find anyone attractive in the way that I can actually get aroused and want to have sex with them, and it really requires an emotional connection of some kind. At least a spark of chemistry. It would be thoroughly unlikely I’d ever find another couple where I’d want to.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/22 05:36 PM
3

I’ve never given out my number to anyone who has cold approached, but I doubt I’ve even been cold approached more than three times in my entire life.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/22 12:10 AM
5

It’s a good way to ensure a toxic relationship with people for whom it triggers an anxious attachment style, that’s for sure. For anyone who has a secure attachment style, it’s a silly game that will turn them right off.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/22 12:07 AM
1

If I really like a guy, then it introduces the possibility he could hurt me. I’m responsible for taking care of myself and my emotions, and doing what I think is best for me. My responsibility is to protect myself from getting hurt as best possible, while still enjoying my life. If we have sex and then he bails, it will hurt me much more than if we never did. Thus, I may choose to wait a bit until I feel comfortable that he and I are on the same page about what we’re going to be. Plus side: allo…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/22 11:56 PM
1

I mean, I agree with that in the way that expanding social circles can be a challenge. As someone who finds connection and attraction best through spending time with people, it’s a challenge for me too — I have to really try to expand my social circles and meet people and that’s tough.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/22 12:20 AM
5

Folks have said makeup, but I’m going to make it even more specific: concealer. I know several and otherwise traditionally masculine straight men who quietly use concealer to reduce dark undereye circles, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that becomes increasingly more common now that we live in a culture where we see so many photos of ourselves. A little dab of concealer goes a long way in making folks look more awake, rested and alert, and I think it’ll gradually become common for men.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/22 02:04 AM
8

You didn’t do anything. You didn’t “destroy” anyone’s “self esteem.” You just affirmed that they were right to ignore you, since you’re a raging lunatic. They will be sitting there thinking “Jesus, thank god I was never better friends with this psycho.”
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/22 06:25 PM
6

If that’s your thinking, then you’ve allowed them to win by playing into that mindset exactly. Throwing a fit and insulting them to try and hurt them or get them to block you is just juvenile, very insecure reactive behaviour. It also justifies to them why they were ignoring you, since it shows you become a total asshole when angry. And your response to the guy who didn’t reply to your car mechanic messages is straight up fucking unhinged. If someone doesn’t respond to you, it doesn’t actually m…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/22 05:06 PM
2

I’m a woman attracted to men. For me, the most attractive qualities in a man are intelligence, empathy, introspection and self-awareness, and for lack of a better word being really even-tempered and chill. I’m not attracted to men who are too assertive, ambitious or dominant. I like guys who go with the flow and are just very gentle and laid-back. Having a compatible sense of humour with mine (super dry) is crucial too, as is being well-read and curious about the world and ideas.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/22 10:26 PM
7

If he smells good and we’re just getting to know each other it’s a positive mark in his favour, but I can’t say it will attract me right then and there or that I’m sexually attracted to his actual smell. If I’m already into him and he smells good it will drive me craaaaaazy. I can only really think of two or three guys ever where I’ve noticed scent as a factor with them though. ETA: this is only talking about added scent, such as cologne or body wash or whatever. His actual skin smell I can’t sa…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/22 02:52 AM
0

In terms of what would be considered the most objective 5%, never, but I don’t swipe on them in the first place.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/22 01:37 AM
4

It sort of depends. In most cases, I assume he’s not interested in me and move on — my experience with most guys is that if they aren’t making a move, me doing so is not wanted. For instance, because he’s in a relationship, as in your case. If I really like the guy then I guess the change in mood from me could come across as “cold,” but it’s just me looking to manage my own emotions by making some distance from him and not making things embarrassing for all of us by chasing a guy who isn’t recip…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/22 08:50 PM
4

I agree that men have unique challenges in dating. However, this post is not about that. This post is asking us what are some things we think men do not understand about women. And I repeat that I think many men do not understand how for many women — not all, but a chunk of us for sure — how we perceive “looks” in terms of physical attraction is heavily influenced by personality, to the point where I and many women I know have been incredibly attracted to men we didn’t initially consider good-lo…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/22 07:02 AM
–

Certainly, everyone has a baseline of what will make attraction possible to bloom, and I agree that for at least when it comes to sex, for women that’s a narrower range than it is for a lot of men. I would never be attracted to or have sex with an obese man, for instance, no matter how great his personality is, whereas if a guy is skinny or very lean I will be far more likely to be attracted than any other body type presuming we have good chemistry. But the question of whether women in this patt…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/22 02:18 AM
–

My “one that got away” is, on the surface, a dorky lookin’ dude. The first time I met him, I didn’t find him particularly attractive, just kinda there. After a month of getting to know each other, it got to the point where just sitting next to him on a couch had me so uncomfortably aroused I couldn’t sit still, and I had to force myself not to just gaze at his face like a weirdo. I’ve never been so attracted to anyone before or since. He became BEAUTIFUL to me. And no, he wasn’t rich, at all. Or…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/22 12:40 AM
–

It’s not necessarily the same 2-10% of men, though. My best friend likes the sort of cop or firefighter archetype, brawny and very assertive. That type is an instant turn-off for me, since I like skinny, laid-back and introspective artists. Another friend of mine only really likes funny, gregarious dadbod dudes, which doesn’t float my particular boat but show her a thick dude with a beard and a goofy grin and she’s smashing the right swipe. We might all have the same percentage of total guys we‘…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/22 12:14 AM
–

I find a lot of men here don’t seem to wrap their mind around how, for some women (certainly for me), emotional and psychological chemistry is very deeply interwoven with physical attraction. If they want to see the men in my life I’ve physically desired the most, in terms of absolutely raw and overpowering physical and sexual lust, it’s certainly not the most conventionally physically attractive men I’ve dated. It’s the ones where those other aspects were stronger. That’s not necessarily true f…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/22 12:03 AM
11

Our taste buds and drive to consume certain kinds of food are biologically determined, and I think the taste of coffee is fucking heinous and ice cream and cake is “meh” at best. Other people think all of that shit is delicious. In anything there is a wide range of preferences and tendencies across a group, both male and female. Some of this variation in preference is probably innate, some will be a result of conditioning or influence from many environmental factors. My patterns of sexual desire…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/22 11:56 PM
1

Not at all. That said, I’m pretty chill and most of what I like to do on a first date is just grab a drink and talk, and I always come ready with suggestions about cool places to go. If a guy has suggestions too I’m happy to run with them though. After that the next dates are sort of a mutual process, like getting stoked to go somewhere or do something that came up in conversation. I will say in my previous eight-year relationship, I planned 100% of the stuff we did as a couple, from dining out …
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/22 06:52 AM
–

It really depends on the guy, his face and his overall style. Some guys look way better with beards, some way better without. In general, I’m rarely attracted to men with full beards, but more often attracted to men with a little scruff than clean-shaven, but it still varies a lot.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/22 02:57 AM
1

Not that uncommon I don’t think. I’m 105 at 5’3 and wear 30E or 32D, although my boobs aren’t particularly big — at a small band size, D cups really aren’t anything too significant.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/22 07:55 AM
1

In terms of my subjective, personal attraction? For me, the ideal by far is slender, shorter men with small, lithe frames — like around 5’6 to 5’9 and skinny to lean / fit. That’s what always turns my head when I’m out and about. There are a lot of other aspects that are a cherry on top, like beautiful hands and not a lot of body hair. Tattoos, lots. All that said, as long as they’re not bulky in any way (either fat or muscle), face is generally more important to me than body — I have a pretty s…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/22 07:47 AM
3

Emotional is more important to me, or “psychological” would be a better term. It goes together with the physical for me. Psychological connection is a massive proportion of what determines my physical attraction to and outright sexual desire for someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/22 02:13 AM
5

I’ll never set people up unsolicited because it’s most often just a really annoying thing to do with a low chance of success. “You and Mike HAVE to go out, you have so much in common, you’d love each other.” They go out, it’s not a match, and now both of them are wondering if I even know them at all. Just the other day a guy friend was telling me how friends set him up with someone. He had nothing at all in common with her, and the date was super awkward. He was so baffled by why his friends tho…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/22 03:31 PM
2

Number one really can’t be underestimated. One thing I learned over the years is that when I have a little time for my sexual desire for the guy and sexual tension to build up a bit, when we do have sex it is fucking mindblowing. When I’m kinda just going along with it early on, it’s not nearly as electric. A guy that gives me some time until I can barely control myself around him really knows what he’s doing. Doesn’t have to be forever, but… I mean, it’s also just really fun. The anticipation a…
/r/seduction21/06/22 11:05 PM
15

I was thinking the same thing. Everything I’ve ever read and seen about him is that he’s a chill, sweet and kinda goofy guy. He often gets cast as a certain type of character because he has a look that suits it, but that doesn’t mean that he’s a “bad boy.”
/r/PurplePillDebate02/09/21 11:04 PM
1

Not for me personally, no.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/08/21 11:01 PM
3

I’d feel that was… totally normal? Men in my social circles hug each other when greeting friends, handshakes are for formal situations or first introductions.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/08/21 10:55 PM
5

There’s a million reasons why people are stressed out and unhappy, most of them relating to larger economic and social factors. In North America, wage growth over the last decades has trailed far behind the cost of housing, education, and other costs. Their career prospects are overall dimmer. We’ve also become generally more isolated and live relatively socially disconnected lives compared to people in the past, and loneliness, social dislocation and lack of stable community ties also contribut…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/08/21 03:51 PM
–

In general, I think it’s incredibly tacky to discuss intimate details of your partner with friends in this way. There are some exceptions, and if the couple in general agrees they’re both okay with each other discussing their sex life with friends that’s fine. But personally, with friends I don’t give details of my partner in bed, or their body, and certainly never disparagingly or in comparison to other people. To me, it’s a respect thing. So I wouldn’t have lied, I just never would have been i…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/21 02:25 AM
1

When I think of feeling “protected,” for me that’s an emotional thing: it’s a man who is trustworthy, who is able to listen, who is mindful of my feelings. That to me is very desirable in a person and makes me feel personally safe with them, like they help construct the protection of the relationship or connection with me. I don’t look for or really have an interest in feeling “protected” along any sort of a physical sense. It seems irrelevant to me and my life, and I’m also not generally attrac…
/r/seduction09/08/21 06:57 PM
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