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woodford11 Archive

View 1 post and 72 comments by woodford11 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

My thoughts exactly. It’s been over 25 years together. We are who we are Little changes yes. She is sold on the fact that therapy can make huge changes to both of us … I honestly think she is hoping change drastically Bend to her whims Not going to happen
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 03:00 PM
1

Damn really. What a bad person That sucks. Hope your kids get through it
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 11:49 PM
2

Damn. Rough. Yeah she actually wants to do stuff with me … but at the end of the night, she will just roll over and go to sleep. No physical intimacy at all. Haven’t made out with her in like 7-8 years. When I say that to her, her response is always “well you haven’t tried”. She never initiates anything physical. Sick of feeling g unwanted. Unloved when I was giving her all that she wanted (date nights, vacations, dinners, dealing with kids , chores). We have been In Roommate phase for about 15 …
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:26 PM
1

Sorry man. Your divorce is final? She wanted it I guess ? Any positives about it ?
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:17 PM
3

Yeah I don’t claim to be perfect. I admit I have made mistakes … honestly she admits to almost nothing. We have had basically a dead bedroom really since marriage. We actually taught about lack of sex on our honeymoon in this paradise … and that fight continued for years I just kind of gave up that part a few years ago. Stop trying to initiate . She noticed but barely did anything … she claims to feel under appreciative that I don’t say thank you enough when she does the same thing g. She says s…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:17 PM
2

Love this
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:11 PM
2

That is great. Happy for you. That is what I want … I hope I can find it as a 50 year old divorced dude But I have to ask … what is a happily married woman doing on a Divorced Men subreddit ? I am happy for your opinion, but I am curious?
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:02 PM
1

But did she claim she wanted to save it ? There my gripe now … she has been unhappy for a while Even thought I provided a nice life for her in materialistic things, plus I feel at least, I was emotionally there for her, I listens to her comments about everyone else or her job every day, I made her dinner 50% of the time, took her out a few nights per week, vacation, did housework and yard work, helped a lot with kids and even coached sports for them. But now she is saying if I don’t want counsel…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 05:00 PM
3

Yeah like this. I have a lot of friends in nice places (Florida, North Carolina, Arizona). Always asking me to come out and play golf but she always get so upset if I ever want to do anything without her (even taking either of my 20-22 year old kids out for a meal ). She has no real friends and never goes anywhere without me (not my choice, I beg her to go away with her friends or nights out )
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 01:13 PM
1

Damn. That’s wrong
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 01:10 PM
2

Yeah I have provided a very comfortable life for her (nice house, cars, vacations, frequent dinners out). She doesn’t want the gravy train to stop. So she is using guilt for sure
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 01:09 PM
1

She is the alcoholic? Yeah marriage counseling won’t help that. Good luck man
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 01:07 PM
3

So true. During one of our regular counselor session I was talk of about my upbringing, my mother was great (she passed away) all the kids adored her and it was crushing when she passed away… after the session so said “why didn’t you say you put your mom on a pedestal but not me … I was like “what”. Thst really pissed me off. I have never been king as you say. More like the bank and labor force wrapped into one
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 01:28 AM
2

I am not perfect by any means. But yeah. 👍🏻 feel like I did what she wanted for 15+ years and only recently stopped hence why so many problems now.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 01:23 AM
4

I doubt it. Primarily a dead bedroom. Plus some other issues (ungrateful, taken advantage off, manipulative). Kids are out of house so they aren’t an issue
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 01:22 AM
1

File now
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 05:24 AM
1

If you are better earner I would check the alimony laws first. Illinois may have much less. That is worse than a 60 vas 75 split if you make a lot more and been married a long time
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 05:23 AM
1

Great perspective right here
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/23 02:47 AM
1

Yeah I would go now before it gets complicated.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 04:47 AM
1

Well “lots of money” will be cut in half if you divorce her. Not sure how long you are married but maybe get some hobbies or other things to do on your own so you get out of the house. And stay together. Buy what ever makes you happy if you have the money. And just do something’s with her Just enough for companionship
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 04:19 AM
1

Why so long ? 4 years seems crazy. What state are you in? What alimony did you have to pay?
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/23 06:54 PM
1

Love that rule I wish I lived in Ohio!
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 04:33 PM
1

What’s your salary? She doesn’t have to pay alimony to you ? In New Jersey the higher earner has to pay 25% of the difference before taxes, but paid after tax so you get screwed
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/23 04:14 PM
1

Hereeynis terrible the the higher earning spouse … mine stops at 18 years only because it’s retirement age, if I did this younger it would be worse I get paying alimony for a few years. Maybe 4-5 to help get you back on your feet. But for 18+ years? Cmon
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 04:18 AM
9

Lucky only 9 years. I live in NJ with pretty much the same income disparity and alimony payments but it’s for 18 years!!! Married 24. Such BS. I am fine with 5 years. Or so. Let her get back on her feet and learn to budget. But 18 years is bullshit
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 01:30 AM
6

You meant $975k I assume
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 01:27 AM
2

Wow. That sucks. we did therapy once about 4 years ago, somewhat similar. The counselor thought everything my wife said was right and I was wrong. Shockingly my wife didn’t want to go back ? But it was a waste of time.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 07:01 PM
1

They have been married a year? He should get nothing from her ? It sucks but things don’t work out. Why should she pay him alimony? It’s a money grab Have some pride
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 04:08 PM
2

Yeah why? I am considering it now. Doubt it will work but wondering your situation
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 03:29 PM
2

Yeah I agree with you. I like his plan but if he hasn’t had good emotional connection to his wife in years. He will definitely fall for someone giving him that. Then it gets complicated. As long as he doesn’t live in one of the few states that penalizes adultery, I agree and go for it. If he does, divorce first At least file Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 03:26 PM
1

Nice. Good job. You can’t be that successful in New Jersey. They kill the higher earner and that long of a marriage. You have to pay forever
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 05:46 PM
1

What state do you live in? How long were you married? Does she work?
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 04:59 PM
4

But … you still have equity in that house for 15 years …. I get what your saying, I also get what he is saying. He still has good memories (I am assuming) of his marriage. Just didn’t end well
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 09:18 PM
-1

Yeah I agree. Guys complain all over these sites about the woman trying to suck them dry … have some pride. Get a job? How hard is that. Alimony is bullshit either way now. It’s 2022. Who sits at home on their a$$ anymore. Get up. Find a job. Make your own money. Don’t rely on someone else. Only way to get real change in alimony laws It’s pathetic in my opinion
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 02:37 PM
1

How did he tap your phone ? What recorder did you use ?
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 01:26 PM
1

Yeah I am going to one more lawyer next week and see. I am hoping we can compromise at 22- 23% at worst. Sounds like nothing but those 2 percentage points per year over 20 years is actually huge for me cause the difference is over $200k and then 19.5 years to pay Totally sucks. Should have done it a long time ago. Was stupid
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/22 06:31 AM
7

Yep no waited. In 24 years and now have to give a over a million dollars just in alimony. Not even including 50-% of everything else which is her right The alimony is ridiculous I get I should have to pay some… but for 20 years ? BS
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 06:12 PM
3

I am no lawyer but in New Jersey I know inheritance and I thought results from litigation are separate as long as you don’t commingle it with your shared stuff or spend even a nickel on your commingled property Keep it 100% separate new account) and don’t spend any of it on anything with her or your kid Then after divorce it’s yours to do as you see fit … I think, Again, I am no lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 02:34 PM
2

I have spoken to 4 lawyers in NJ … all thee basically told me the same … they go back 2-3 years. I am in the same boat. I work a lot of overtime so I have been cutting down … year for year … so 15 years and 25% of the difference on the gross, but you pay after taxes … so it freak’s sucks …. Have read you can try to get that 25% down to 20-22%. But hard. I am a high earner married to a low earner for 24 years so I am totally screwed Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 04:27 AM
2

I don’t know the answer to that but if you are the higher earner, can you file in a different state?? I would. NJ is terrible to the one who makes more money Lots of alimony for a long time
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/22 07:41 PM
1

Wow so you first got the lump sun (about 60% of what the alimony would be over time). Then got a federal of up to 5 years I treat free ? Damn. That is good. I need your negotiator I was told by one lawyer the lump sum is about 75% of the final number here in New Jersey. Big difference when you are talking $3500/month for 19 years And if I wanted to defer, I need to give her more of something else Did you use retirement funds in That lump sum? I am wondering what the conversion is because the ret…
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 06:39 PM
1

I like this. What state are you in?
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 02:17 PM
1

Where did you find this mediator? What state ? Can you say who not was ?(some mediators work in many states). I am in NJ
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 02:17 PM
2

Wow. That’s crazy. NJ has an unwritten rule that you have to pay 25% of the difference AFTER taxes so it’s nuts (I make a decent salary , she does work, 10 months a year, so the difference is like $200k so it’s $50k but because it’s after taxes money, it’s like $85k of my salary. And it’s a 1:1 thing, one year of alimony for every year of marriage. They actually reformed it 7 years ago so no new reform in sight. So unfair Good luck to you
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 02:10 PM
2

Married 9.5 years and you only have to pay one year of alimony in Texas? Wow. Sign me up … no matter what the number is … 1 year? I am in New Jersey, married 24 years. Have to pay 20 years and only cause retirement age … if I am still working at 68 I still have to pay more. Crazy different states work I wish I could move to Texas
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 01:37 PM
2

What state are you in? Sounds like me. New Jersey
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 01:34 PM
1

Yeah agreed. Just end it. No real legal benefit
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 05:39 PM
5

Did you divorce? What state are you in? How bad is your alimony and for how long? I’m in New Jersey. Sucks to be the higher income earner and long term marriage. So unfair. It’s not 1960 any more. People choose their careers and they should love with the consequences of those choices. I have no problem splitting things up Bit the huge alimony check is so scary to me. Hence why I haven’t don’t it …. Yet
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 02:48 PM
2

Yeah totally agree. All states are different … in New Jersey you would be screwed. They can go back as far as 5 years I was told … Some lawyers even do first consult for free just to give you an idea. Then get a real lawyer you pay for but I also did cash for a couple of my consultations Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 12:54 AM
2

I totoally agree with what you are saying. Including if the situation was reversed … but it has happened to people I know. I was just talking to a friend who after 16 years of alimony (supposed to be done) and child support still paying for a few more years, he got a big job which included a big raise and his wife is taking him to court to keep the alimony AND increase the CS payments. Total BS. But all I was saying is it happens
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/22 11:47 AM
6

I think what he is trying to say ? Is part of the money he is paying to his ex for child support is to house the kids as shelter costs money … if she isn’t paying for housing then why should he being paying for housing , and she be able to pocket it ?? I think? I get it’s post divorce but things change post divorce and people go back to court. Seen it many times with friends
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 06:05 PM
2

Holy crap. That is terrible
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 10:38 AM
2

Exactly the same in NJ. I have to pay based on overtime and a second job while she works as a school librarian 9.5 months per year? Such BS. The entire system has to wake up and get in the 21 century.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 10:37 AM
2

Wow. Good for you guys. How long were you married? How old are your kids? Do you still live under same roof? His sounds super rare
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/22 08:06 AM
1

No have not yet. Met with some lawyers. Waiting a few months for alimony reason (trying to get it down). Yes duty sex sucks … sometimes makes me feel worse than none. Hope you have better luck once you are free Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 08:36 PM
1

Wow. Good luck. Thst is rough. This sounds similar to me except I have two older kids and a longer marriage. Both have some psychiatric issues and she can be concerned one moment , then screams and yells and calls them losers. Been afraid to leave. (Embarrassing, worried about the financial impact as I make significantly more). But like you generally things are good but the child thing and sex is just not good and wore me down. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 03:55 PM
1

Avoid mediation? So go straight to litigation?
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 04:35 AM
2

Wow. What state ? Was it highly argumentative? Fought over everything ? Large custody issues ?
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 04:34 AM
1

What state do you live in? You think mediation is better than getting lawyers ? I am sure cheaper
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 07:50 PM
1

Totally agree !
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 08:13 PM
2

You are divorced. Your older, smarter and don’t want to go through it again. You know what you want. I think there is nothing wrong with this list. Be picky. Any physical things ? Or afraid you will get hammered (very likely) on this if you say “size 6 or less”. Something like that
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 11:19 PM
2

Any more evidence then a message That says “it’s me” and a phone call? Not a lot to go on from an HR perspective .. they won’t care about that .. no definite straight up text that says stuff ? Or photo of course would be great
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/22 06:42 AM
1

Yeah she is kind of stupid to do that. I get her being upset but your getting divorced and will have to pay her alimony. Move on already
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 06:10 PM
1

Hard to know. You are receiving pension payments now? If they consider that income then yku will have to pay her I wouid imagine. If it is separate, the. Yeah I think you could get some money from her cause your income is 0. But yes she will take 50% of your pension for the years you were married If there pension start before marriage That portion is all yours. They will add up the value of homes and drives That 50/50 as well. You can try to negotiate everything though (give her the more valued …
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 03:34 PM
2

Wow. What state. I wish … New Jersey is so good to the lower income spouse. Extremely generous. I get alimony for a short time to help them get back on their feet and learn to budget .. but why for 20 years ? It takes Thst long to get a job at arbys ? So ridiculous
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 09:38 PM
1

Yeah. Tough call but at least CS is temporary … alimony lasts a lot longer at least in my state. I will be paying for 19 years Ridiculous really. I am fine paying alimony for a while to let her get back on her feet but why do I have to keep the same standard for years ? Really makes no sense
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 09:36 PM
1

Yes 50/50. Of the equity … but if you want to buy your spouse out … you can’t subtract the closing costs … it’s on the full value
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 09:34 PM
2

Not positive. Haven’t actually filed yet. Just talked to a few lawyers. Worried about how much this will cost me. NJ is very good to the lower earning spouse, and I will be paying through the nose for a long time. So just hesitating. “Cheaper to keep her so to speak”. Just sucks. It’s 2022. She has the same opportunity to make money as me. Yet I have to pay her a ton of alimony cause I am successful at my job and she pick a low income job. I work overtime and have had moonlighting jobs for years…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 12:39 PM
1

100k?? Really. Wow. I assume you guys have fought over everything and no mediation. What state do you live in? That is a crazy amount of money
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 12:14 PM
1

That doesn’t work on New Jersey. It’s the value of the house. I asked my attorney that as well
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 09:51 PM
8

This is the best post I have ever read on any site. Bravo. I am on a similar situation (48M, married 25 years, 2 college age kids). You are dead on. I have hesitated for years pulling trigger and it will cost me a lot of money but if it gives me the freedman to have one last shot at love I will take it Thanks again
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 05:48 AM
2

Yeah I don’t see a good legal way to do this. If you figure it out let me know. Only way I can think … start with-drawling now. Small amounts. That can be explained as food or gas or miscellaneous day to day costs. But if it’s a large amount, tough to explain That away
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 08:38 PM
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