xeskind30 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
7	Struggling After Divorce – Advice Needed Talking to others helps. Going to the gym, getting outdoors, finding hobbies, reading, vacations, changing your life path (the Navy is a great idea), moving to a different location. If you're really struggling, get with a therapist and talk about it. It does get better over time, but it takes awhile. I hope the Navy will be a good fit for you. Good luck, brother!	/r/Divorce_Men	28/02/25 02:27 AM
1	She want alimony included in prenup Plus, in some courts, if you get the kind of judge that doesn't believe in prenup, they will throw it out and declare it void. Then you really are going to get screwed. Do not get married, stay a couple, but know your rights and what it means to be together long term. She might try to get something akin to live in partner loophole. Be careful and know your rights.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/10/24 01:49 PM
3	Suicidal Hey, brother. Just take it one day at a time. Try to get some help suggested by the others who posted here. Stay away from alcohol and other substances. These are going to impair you and cloud your mind. You need to be sharp in the coming days. Don't give up because if you do, she wins. I know it may seem difficult, but tomorrow is a new day, and you can make that hurdle. Stay strong, and God bless.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/09/24 11:25 PM
4	Obsessed with lowering child support I feel you. I pay up to $1000/month, as well. To answer your question: how much time do you have your kids at you home? Is custody 50/50? How many days? Another step is to check your county/state CS rules and regulations. Also, consult an attorney to see what your legal avenues might be. If the ex is making bank and you're paying that much, then there might be precedence to inquire about CS payment changes. Good luck.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/09/24 05:28 PM
6	Wow, what a dingbat! Yeah, when vvomen post stuff online, they're looking for validation and clout about what they're going through and/or sympathy about what they may or may not have done. So many things wrong with this kind of mindset.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/09/24 09:37 PM
3	Loneliness Hey, brother. So a lot of what has already been said here is what I would say: exercise, hobbies, join groups that get you outside of your comfort zone. I can say for a fact that exercise is a fantastic way to combat loneliness. Another thing, and it might seem out of place, but try journaling. It puts onto paper what you have in your head, and that is a great therapy tactic to get these thoughts out of your head and make them known. Then you go back and read about when you felt that way and see…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/09/24 11:23 PM
11	My wife wants a divorce Hey, brother. Sorry you're going through this. So now that those words have been uttered, you need to start your plan. Her saying that means she is looking for a replacement or has already found it. A lot of others have already touched on this. But what you also must take into account is your attitude towards the stbxw around the kids. Don't make excuses for her. She had already made her bed and decided to find companionship elsewhere. Separate your life from hers because she is no longer a part…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/08/24 11:27 PM
5	Today’s my bday. Happy Birthday! Stay strong, brother. Yes, there will be lonely days, but it's much better than where you came from.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/24 08:36 PM
1	$400 an hour Yeah, that's about right.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/08/24 05:21 PM
10	Dating during divorce My ex didn't "date" persay. She got to sleep with all the guys she had known while we were married and is now engaged to one of them. She is timing her new marriage to him around the time my alimony ends with her.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/08/24 01:13 PM
2	Another thing I won’t miss from the ex…. That sucks. Mine were in the basement. I had to go all the way in the back and get them out. Log them up the stairs and get them situated.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/08/24 09:32 PM
6	Another thing I won’t miss from the ex…. For me, it was she wanted the decorations up to show off, but no one cared. And when it needed to come down, guess who had to do that. Christmas was the worst. Everything had to be put out a specific way, and she would get upset if it wasn't.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/08/24 08:47 PM
4	Ugh. So I guess my wife & her mom have been planning this divorce. I feel betrayed & setup. This is an unfortunate situation you are in, brother. First, you need to see a lwayer ASAP. Make sure all your assets are accounted for, update passwords, and make sure you do everything legal. Depending on your state, it might be a long process. She will definitely go for child support and alimony/maintenance. Don't be surprised if she asks for half of everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING. Try to negotiate and get 50/50 custody that will help mitigate CS costs. But don't expect leniency. Most c…	/r/Divorce_Men	14/08/24 07:03 PM
2	I’m gonna get a divorce in a few years. How should I prepare? You need to consult a lawyer ASAP and get the ball rolling. It doesn't matter if it is not the right time. The longer you wait, the more she will have the advantage. If she is asking for more time, then don't parley with her. It is unfortunate that she is a SAHM, but if the marriage is over, don't stay together "for the kids." If you get in front of this, you may be able to get as close to fair as possible. For us men, that is near impossible, that is why you consult the lawyer. Good luck.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/08/24 08:40 PM
17	Just an update since last year… You need to stop with any conversations that are not about your kids, period. Her issues are her issues and I bet she is hoping that you will resolve the situation and, maybe, take her back. But we all know that a man does not raise another man's kid. Your kids are your priority. If it looks like she is making things worse, consult a lawyer about getting 100% custody of your kids. They don't need to be in an environment that might not be safe for them. Good luck, brother.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/08/24 08:35 PM
3	Reality. No. The reality is that she has one foot out the door. If you take her back and ask her to try and save the marriage, she will resent you for that. Move forward with the plans to divorce and work on yourself and being there for your kids. Stay strong, and know this place is here. Good luck, brother.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/08/24 05:52 PM
5	Woman as a friend I would not move forward with this relationship/friendship. She seems to be someone who is trying to recapture something lost in her youth. Be it partying, being out late, or similar. It seems to me that she is going to string you along, and you would be the guy friend with boyfriend responsibilities. Either cut her off completely or tell her that it's not going to work out and move on. You might get some fun, but tread carefully and don't let follow you home. Good luck, brother.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/08/24 02:59 PM
0	Woman as a friend Second!	/r/Divorce_Men	06/08/24 02:54 PM
1	So...does anyone still talk to the EMIL? My ex and I have 50/50 custody. My EMIL lives in a different state (thank goodness). I don't text with her unless there is a dire emergency. I might see her if she is visiting my ex, but I tend not to be around when that happens. I was told by my child that I am not liked very much by my EMIL, and she is only cordial around me.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/08/24 05:11 PM
2	To the newcomers here, listen to this closely. I'm sorry to hear this. If friends and family are not hearing you and ignoring you, then you should get to a therapist ASAP. Good luck, brother.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/08/24 10:45 AM
7	Are you doing better than your ex? In my case, with conversations with my daughter, I found out that me ex wife had dated/slept with two different men that she had mentioned were "friends" when we were married. Soon after that, she dated and is now engaged to the second guy. As far as I can tell, she is happy, and that alleviates any future responsibilities from me to her. As for me, your description is very similar to mine. When I don't have my daughter with me, I can go anywhere, do anything, eat anywhere, eat what I want, and …	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/24 11:05 AM
7	Was granted a Protective Order and I feel horrible about it In my experience, her accusations toward you about cheating is because she has already created on you. She is looking for excuses to do exactly what she has already been doing to you. If and when you decide to divorce, this could come out in discovery and she will be the one at fault. Good luck, brother.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/24 12:14 PM
9	Being alone is hard! Get on the AllTrails App and look for walking trails in your area. Walking in nature can really help with your mental well-being and getting out of your comfort zone to do something different.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/24 03:10 AM
1	What are some of the most important lessons you've learned from your divorce that you wish you could share with younger men facing similar situations? No friends of the opposite sex is the first true boundary. No phone numbers of guys, no social media guy friends, no Snapchat, No Instagram, delete photos of exs. No girls' night out to the bar or clubs. If the hangout is a bar, you go with. Any attention from other men is met with swift repercussions. If any gaslighting phrases are used, she is attempting to challenge the boundary and be allowed to go somewhere without you. No long-distance trips without you. Phones are definitely allowed searc…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/24 03:03 AM
1	What are some of the most important lessons you've learned from your divorce that you wish you could share with younger men facing similar situations? That's to rope you in. Then, after you get married, it tapers off to maybe 1x2 times a week. And if you're lucky, maybe a BJ on your birthday.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/24 02:49 AM
1	What are some of the most important lessons you've learned from your divorce that you wish you could share with younger men facing similar situations? There is also a cohabiting clause in some states where, if you're not married, and your SO lives in your domicile/home for an extended period of time and their mail is going to that address, then they can lay claim to your assets.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/24 02:41 AM
3	What are some of the most important lessons you've learned from your divorce that you wish you could share with younger men facing similar situations? I let the family shit show slide, and I paid for it later. The sad part is, I think one did go by me, and she might have been interested. Oh, well.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/24 02:36 AM
2	What are some of the most important lessons you've learned from your divorce that you wish you could share with younger men facing similar situations? Technically, having a sexual fling or ONS or anything thereof is not going to look good for you, brother. Check the legal ramifications with your attorney. Prepare for a drawn-out battle with this. Good luck.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/08/24 02:34 AM
3	Got married Honestly, if you're able to have a marriage and keep her and set boundaries and establish male/female roles, I wish you luck. My hope is you never have to come here and announce why it failed. Why did it go the way it did and why you want to warn others about the pitfall that is marriage. Godspeed.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/24 01:26 AM
20	What are some of the most important lessons you've learned from your divorce that you wish you could share with younger men facing similar situations? YOU have the right to set boundaries. If she doesn't like it, then it wasn't meant to be. It is better to find out now rather than years later, and you have your lives so intertwined that everything has to be separated. How your MIL acts, she will most likely act the same way. Pay attention to how she treats her husband. Notice red flags. Does she keep her phone close to her? Does she not allow you access to her phone? If she acts a certain way with you alone and acts a different way in front of…	/r/Divorce_Men	01/08/24 08:43 PM
3	Just wanted to say it out loud Yes, I hope you're able to keep in contact until the courts get everything sorted. Good luck!	/r/Divorce_Men	01/08/24 02:47 PM
2	Just wanted to say it out loud Sorry to hear that, brother. Keep doing what your lawyer tells you. Let the courts do their job and, hopefully, you get everything you want and she will be at fault and pay the penalty.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/08/24 02:09 PM
5	Do you regret getting divorced? No.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/08/24 10:00 AM
3	What should I be feeling right now? I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, brother. The initial steps will be hard for you, but it does get easier. Your STBXW may try to come at you once she finds out what she is losing and may try to double down on her free ride to keep herself free to be an "influencer" and write a book. Make sure anything is in text or email or done through the lawyers. Don't promise anything. Just allow your attorney to hash out with your ex's attorney and try to get to a compromise that doesn't hurt you…	/r/Divorce_Men	31/07/24 02:34 AM
11	Would you ever reconcile with your STBXW just out of obligation to your family/ kids? Never. I am no longer the same man I was when I was married to her. I will never go back because I know she is still the same woman and that will never change.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/07/24 08:40 PM
2	The best financial decision a woman can make in her life is marriage followed by divorce Truth. Although, I have heard that there are some judges that actually throw out the prenup because the spouse will tell a false tale of it being done when under stress or force. Then you know what happens next.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/07/24 05:25 PM
14	The best financial decision a woman can make in her life is marriage followed by divorce There should be two things that are mandatory when two people are thinking of getting married: a prenuptial agreement and paternity tests when having children (applicable). That would put a wrench in the machine.	/r/Divorce_Men	29/07/24 07:32 AM
7	What are the top things that you don’t miss This is very close to what I experienced. It was so stressful and I couldn't fully relax, even in my own home. The freedom is surreal sometimes.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/07/24 06:03 AM
2	Struggling with STBXW’s glow-up Anytime.	/r/Divorce_Men	25/07/24 07:59 PM
3	Struggling with STBXW’s glow-up Center on yourself and your kids. Try to get the best outcome for yourself so you're protected. Keep going to therapy and get out to the gym. Make time for kids and friends. As long as you have that, you can make day to day. Good luck, brother.	/r/Divorce_Men	25/07/24 05:33 PM
5	Talk Me Out Of It Boys Do not go back to her. Your STBXW is only doing this because she wants to do her own thing and doesn't think you would be able to date after divorce. Do not fall for what she is saying or doing. Do not try to reunite with her. The marriage is over and she will be horrible to you. You must think of yourself and your kids. Become happy and date others and be there for your kids. Keep her at arms length and only contact for information and coordination about the kids. She might try to sabotage your…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/07/24 08:01 PM
5	She has HIV It's either a blood transfusion or she cheated. I understand that it hurts, but you must get to the bottom of it. Any update on a DNA test for the kids? I am glad you and the kids are safe, but man, what a hit coming out of left field.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/07/24 03:46 PM
1	What is your attorneys hourly rate and how much have you paid already? I feel OK about it.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/07/24 02:21 AM
2	What is your attorneys hourly rate and how much have you paid already? I was married 15 years, together 17 years. I was going to file, but she beat me to it. Filed in Wisconsin. It cost me $2500 retainer for the first lawyer for $150/hr. She eventually left for another firm midway through the proceedings. I was not told/informed/notified. I had to hire another lawyer at the firm for an additional $2500 retainer with $150/hr. After six months, the divorce was finalized with an amicable contract. All total $9000+ for lawyer fees and court filings. Three years alimony…	/r/Divorce_Men	19/07/24 08:03 PM
3	You have to accept things as they are, not how you want them to be Agreed. Initially, it is one of the hardest things to go through. Friends, family and professional help are avenues you can go to in order to get yourself up and keep moving. Stay strong kings.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/07/24 03:33 PM
1	Just discovered long affair while on vacation The sad part is that the affair is all about the secrecy and the threat of being caught. Once the affair is out in the open, the relationship is no more. More often, they break up, and the ex-wife is left with no one. She is a divorced woman with no one to take care of her.	/r/Divorce_Men	17/07/24 12:59 AM
18	Just discovered long affair while on vacation Hey brother. If the affair has been going on for five years, the relationship is not worth saving. I am sorry that this happened to you. You found her out. Now she has to confront the consequences of her actions. Prepare for the slew of gaslighted words: you weren't around much/too much, I don't know why I did it, you're the only one i love, it was a mistake, etc. You must start separating yourself from her and put all your time and effort into you and your child. If you take her back, she will …	/r/Divorce_Men	17/07/24 12:40 AM
4	I wanted to believe it wouldn't happen...but you guys prepared me. Yeah, it's a woman's midlife crisis. You can watch a lot of content on YouTube about this very phenomenon. It's almost sad to see that women do this to themselves and leave men behind, only to turn around years later and understand, but not take accountability for their actions.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/07/24 10:39 AM
6	I wanted to believe it wouldn't happen...but you guys prepared me. This is the beginning of the end. It is very hard to fathom that you're at this point, but you are not alone. This is only a small detour in your life. Be there for your kids and show them love and understanding. Never bad mouth their mom in front of them. Stay in that house as long as possible and pay your half of the mortgage and bills. Be mindful and respectful, but never a doormat. Yes, she moved on quickly, but the honeymoon phase will end sooner or later. Yours will be longer coming, but i…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/07/24 10:35 AM
1	Leaving my wife. If I may, you need to search out lawyers ASAP. Is your state at fault or no fault? That can be important. And family and friends would be character witnesses for any legal issues. Good luck.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/07/24 11:29 PM
7	Leaving my wife. Good for you, brother. You should not have a partner that is disrespectful to you at all. I hope the divorce is smooth and without issue. I had a similar situation and I am the better for it. Don't feel bad that your child is still in school. It is better to be apart than to be together and miserable. How did your wife take the news?	/r/Divorce_Men	15/07/24 04:59 PM
2	Ever wish she cheated? Sorry to hear that, brother. I hope you're in a better place.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/07/24 07:14 PM
3	Ever wish she cheated? Mine suggested an open relationship, she said it in the voice she uses when she is joking; I know the difference in pitch. After the divorce, I found out from my daughter my ex had "dated" the guy she kept mentioning at her work place and wanted to hang out with after. I don't know if they planned an affair, but this came about when we were nearing the end of our marriage. I figure if she didn't sleep with him during our marriage, she definitely would have after.	/r/Divorce_Men	11/07/24 07:40 PM
19	What is something you always wanted to do but couldn't before divorce and now you're doing? Since I got divorced, I have the following: peace of mind, actually relaxing at home, not having to do something over the weekend, financial stability, go on a vacation and actually have a good time, eat the kinds of foods I want to eat, spending time with my kid and actually having a good time, watch the programs I want to watch on TV, a clean house, dishes done, I get to have disposable income! I can leave the house and do errands and go to the gym without feeling guilty. I can spend time with…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/07/24 10:25 AM
4	Did you ex change her name back and if so did that bother you? Because it did for me. Mine did about a month after we got divorced. It did not bother me. She even got a vanity plate with her last name, it's not very common so she spent the extra money on it. My daughter, so far, has kept my last name. I do not know if she will change it later, but here is hoping she keeps my name.	/r/Divorce_Men	06/07/24 01:11 AM
4	Thoughts on being divorced at 25 without kids? You're very welcome. That's great that you have a home workout routine. I love the time I go to the gym. Cardio and weight training. Sometimes one or the other, sometimes both. My mental health has been better because of it. That's great you want to face your situation and process it. Take it one day at a time. I would recommend not using recreational substances or alcohol if any memories get too intense. Good luck.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/07/24 11:49 AM
6	Thoughts on being divorced at 25 without kids? You are lucky in the fact that you still have time to make something of yourself. No kids means you don't have to worry about any trauma and CS and long term plans of still interacting with the ex. Now you can go out and focus on yourself. Get to a gym. Maybe move to a new location, start over. This is an opportunity, but don't squander it with thoughts of getting back together. You divorced for a reason. The best thing you can do is show your ex you can do it without them in your life. If the d…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/07/24 11:34 AM
9	What is a reason that will stop you from remarrying? I never want to put myself in a position where someone can take it all away because they're unhappy or want to move on and see what else they can get. If I ever get into a position to get remarried, it will be with a prenup or nothing.	/r/Divorce_Men	26/06/24 09:43 AM
7	What do you like most about being divorced? When I am not hanging out with my daughter, I have the free time to work out at the gym. I go on nature trails. I go to the movies and see the ones I want to see. I get to eat at the restaurants I want to and even get to eat the food I ordered! I get to go where I want, I can take a vacation and do nothing!!! I am planning a trip to go to the beach and just relax. I am saving money by not spending it on frivolous things that we don't need! I have food that is good and will make many meals that w…	/r/Divorce_Men	19/06/24 09:50 PM
5	What do you like most about being divorced? Men grew up in a semi matriarchal society that beat men down and propped up women. Men were not allowed too much leeway in our masculine self and men were taught that in order for men to have a fulfilling life, we had to do everything to make the women happy. This included the phrase "Happy Wife, Happy Life". We have everything and it wasn't enough. The women took advantage and men were pushed back. After the divorce, men can now get back their freedom and the ability to be more masculine and sh…	/r/Divorce_Men	19/06/24 09:46 PM
3	What do you like most about being divorced? Wow! You and I had similar experiences. It was like I was metaphorically being beaten down and it made me stress when I was driving home from work. I couldn't do anything I wanted to do! It was always on her schedule and what she wanted. She always, and I do mean always, brought up things about me to our friends and couldn't keep her mouth shut.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/06/24 09:41 PM
9	How to handle ex wife dating someone younger? Hey brother. I say this from a divorced man, as well: do not worry about who your ex dates. Seriously, from the info you shared, you're going to be alright. She is going to have a string of losers that won't be able to be a good fit for her and she is going to be alone and, possibly, crawling back to try and get back together. You cannot go back to her though. It will suck, but eventually, you will get to a better position and no longer have to pay her anything and move on. Good luck, brother.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/12/23 09:06 PM
4	Its over. I intend to go once my daughter is out of High School. Pretty much all my time and money goes toward my daughter and being with her.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/12/23 08:20 PM
8	What did you gain through divorce? The biggest is peace. I actually have a quiet house with no one yelling about this and that not being done. I don't feel stressed going home and I have time do what I please. When I have my daughter with me, we have discussions about stuff that she likes and she asks me questions without my ex butting in and saying, "that's dumb". I take my daughter places I know we both will like and I get that one on one time. Yeah, it does hurt from time to time, but the ability to be myself is better for my …	/r/Divorce_Men	23/12/23 07:31 PM
4	What did you gain through divorce? Same. When I was married, I suggested places, but got shot down because she didn't like the location/activity. It got to the point I had to have three suggestions and she would choose; didn't always work that way, but at least I gave my opinion. Then she would just go somewhere else because she had to drive, I wasn't allowed. Ever since the day we divorced, I get to talk to my daughter and we plan and go to great places! The freedom is so amazing.	/r/Divorce_Men	23/12/23 07:16 PM
2	The reason why we fail so hard. I agree. A breakthrough for me was when we were both attending our daughter's concert and she told me she would like to sit down and talk about how/why we got to this point (divorce) when I had already told her when we started the process. I definitely am not going to do that and if/when she asks to do this I am going to decline. Too late to figure out more, just take the loss and move on.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/12/23 01:34 PM
1	Glad I found this place I don't make anywhere near that. But once my daughter graduates from High School, I am free! I intend to finish out my time and retire at my job then do whatever I want. All I want is to retire and take a vacation where I am not hounded to buy all the nick knacks for people that will throw them out or give them as presents to others. To be able to relax and not care about anyone but me is something I look forward to. Plus not having to owe money as a stipulation of the divorce will be a big weig…	/r/Divorce_Men	12/12/23 08:49 PM
1	Help. I feel lost. Hey brother. Sorry for the pain you're going through. Right now, it's going to hurt. The best thing you can do is start getting on a schedule when you don't have your kids around. Make a weekly plan with keeping your place clean, start looking online and look up recipes for food your kids might like. Read a lot and I do mean read a lot. Get a gym membership and go there 3-5 days a week, morning or afternoon, your choice. Get on a diet. Do not drink or smoke. If you want, check out men only forum…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/11/23 07:22 PM
2	First day of my week off from kids Hey, brother. I know it is hard, if you are having a difficult time, you should look into talking to someone, see if there are any male-only support groups online or in the area. Go to the gym, get into a hobby, read, anything. The kids will have a tough time, at first, but the more you spend time with them and talk to them, the better they will be int he long run. Get the thoughts, "Did I do the right thing?" out of your head. You left for a reason and your actions to get out of a bad relations…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/11/22 07:41 PM