yuehhangalt Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	Anyone’s marriage been a victim of your spouses new found/rediscovered religion? What exactly is prejudiced about what I said? I think you’re using a word without understanding it. I grew up going to church and I also minored in philosophy and religious studies so I don’t harbor any ill will or prejudice towards someone simply because they have faith and choose to worship. In fact, I somewhat envy those who have faith. What I do find to be curious, if not entertaining, is the timing of my ex finding their faith and the hypocrisy of repentance without accountability or demons…	/r/Divorce_Men	26/01/24 12:36 AM
1	Anyone’s marriage been a victim of your spouses new found/rediscovered religion? No, but funny enough, my cheating ex-wife started attending church every Sunday shortly after we got divorced. It was hilarious because we were both pretty strongly agnostic prior. That lasted maybe six months to a year. I just assumed it was her subconsciously trying to absolve her sins or overtly manage perception that she was a “good and ethical person”. Maybe worth noting that to this day I have not gotten an apology so I don’t think religion really helped her much. Sorry to hear about your …	/r/Divorce_Men	05/08/23 09:48 PM
0	Another “If the genders were reversed” situation; the comments prove that plenty of women, not just Family Court judges, think husbands and wives should be treated different. Zero sense of hypocrisy in the comments. Lol. You clearly have no idea who I am or what I believe but I suppose that matters little. I find it unfortunate that you’re so content to feed a nihilistic worldview because you’ll continue to be miserable and fail to see what life could be. Evil exists in the world. There are truly evil people out there, and life is far from fair. Despite this, one can choose to accept this and move forward. I choose to relish in the good moments, the good people I have the fortune to spend brief moments with…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/08/23 07:52 PM
0	Another “If the genders were reversed” situation; the comments prove that plenty of women, not just Family Court judges, think husbands and wives should be treated different. Zero sense of hypocrisy in the comments. I learned lessons from the pain and adversity I experienced when I learned of my ex wife’s infidelity and later divorced. I took the worst moment of my life and turned it around to be my greatest opportunity for growth. Those lessons and that growth would likely not have been possible if I never married my ex. It’s blatantly not true to say I would have been better off had we not married. It would be different and inconclusive whether it would have been better. I behave the way I do because I ha…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/08/23 07:17 PM
1	Would you date a woman who initiated her divorce? If you want to take a cynical view, sure. But I think my point is clear and in my experience it’s usually not difficult to determine how much of the claimed “abuse” is fragility and blame shifting and how much is legitimate domestic violence. One must always approach any interaction with a healthy skepticism.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/08/23 03:21 PM
1	Would you date a woman who initiated her divorce? Agreed. A woman who was abused and decided to take a stand and leave is the kind of strong partner I would want to have my back.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/08/23 02:04 PM
1	What makes marriage successful? Life is hard and most things worth having are hard to attain. One has to learn to embrace that struggle because an easy life is a boring and unfulfilling life.	/r/Divorce_Men	05/08/23 02:00 PM
2	Therapy is not for men A good therapist listens to you, but more importantly actively guides the discussion and your thought process in ways that help you better understand what you’re thinking, feeling, and how you are reacting and responding to it. That can help you to better understand and internalize the lessons you need to learn and the actions you need to take. The same can be gained by talking about your problems or asking for advice from friends and mentors, but a therapist is trained to more effectively guid …	/r/Divorce_Men	05/08/23 01:31 PM
5	Therapy is not for men Individual therapy with a therapist trained to address PTSD helped me immensely. I only went to him for two months, but he was someone I could unload everything on without fear of being judged or ruining a relationship because I was paying him. More importantly, when my ex was gaslighting me, he provided validation that I wasn’t crazy and I was taking the right approach when I absolutely needed it most. Finding a therapist is a lot like dating. You often have to meet a lot of them before you fin…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/08/23 01:15 PM
2	What makes marriage successful? John Gottman’s research advises the following: Enhance Love Maps: This principle encourages partners to get to know each other deeply and understand each other's inner worlds, hopes, and dreams. Nurture Fondness and Admiration: Cultivate a positive view of each other, appreciating and valuing your partner's qualities and strengths. Turn Towards Each Other: Foster a strong emotional connection by actively responding to each other's bids for attention, affection, and support. Let Your Partner Infl…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 10:46 PM
1	Another “If the genders were reversed” situation; the comments prove that plenty of women, not just Family Court judges, think husbands and wives should be treated different. Zero sense of hypocrisy in the comments. Legally, it may not, though that may also depend on location as there are still some “at fault” states in the US and presumably similar legal approaches elsewhere. Some states even still allow someone to sue for alienation of affection. That’s not my point because as I wasn’t discussing what the law would say. That’s too dependent on too many factors to speak intelligently and comprehensively to.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/23 04:23 AM
2	Feeling better Good to hear and important for others to see someone moving on and hopeful for what the future brings. Congrats and be sure not to forget the lessons we all have learned through divorce.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/23 11:27 PM
1	Another “If the genders were reversed” situation; the comments prove that plenty of women, not just Family Court judges, think husbands and wives should be treated different. Zero sense of hypocrisy in the comments. I seek consistency in my logic and approach. To that end, this is a 10 year marriage with no kids. Regardless of gender, both individuals are presumably capable of work and therefore I see no reason any spousal support should be required. It should be a simple cut and dry divorce. Shared assets are split equally or as negotiated and then simply move on. Speculating a little here, but it seems as if he had every opportunity to work and simply chose not to. He shouldn’t be rewarded for that. The s…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/23 10:55 PM
1	Another “If the genders were reversed” situation; the comments prove that plenty of women, not just Family Court judges, think husbands and wives should be treated different. Zero sense of hypocrisy in the comments. We seek better outcomes for others beyond ourselves because that is how the world becomes better. To paraphrase Ayn Rand, selfishness can be a virtue, but it, like most things, needs to be balanced. I am old enough to have been taught that we are more than ourselves and that duty and service to others is expected of a good man. I was taught that a man should seek mastery over himself and learn to control their emotions rather than let their emotions control them. This is not weakness, this is st…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/23 10:26 PM
1	Another “If the genders were reversed” situation; the comments prove that plenty of women, not just Family Court judges, think husbands and wives should be treated different. Zero sense of hypocrisy in the comments. There’s a difference between standing up for oneself and behaving like a victim. You can be a victim and manage the situation in a positive way by learning from the experience, growing from it, and leveraging it to create positive outcomes not only for yourself but for others. One can also play the victim card, complain and blame others, contribute to a negative mindset, and drag others down with you. Late stage Feminism is a great example of what you’re promoting. Do you think that’s the right …	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/23 06:17 PM
0	Another “If the genders were reversed” situation; the comments prove that plenty of women, not just Family Court judges, think husbands and wives should be treated different. Zero sense of hypocrisy in the comments. I agree with your thoughts on 2x, but I also have to admit I’m disappointed in some of the comments in this thread. There are a lot of knee-jerk reactions to the post and the linked discussion. I would even say some of the comments here suggest a petty, victim mentality is being shown. It’s important that we not feed that mindset. This sub should be a place of support and a place to share tribal knowledge and experience. It should be a place for reasoned debate. We can acknowledge the inequities…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/23 05:00 PM
3	Did I make the right call? Personally, I don’t think it’s appropriate for kids to meet a boyfriend or girlfriend until the relationship has shown itself to be stable and something that will last a long time. This is especially true for young kids. Kids need stability and they need good behaviors modeled. That can be difficult if they see their parents constantly changing romantic partners. You mentioned an affair dog which implies there was infidelity. If true and he’s the affair partner, then I would definitely suggest t…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/23 02:19 AM
3	Another “If the genders were reversed” situation; the comments prove that plenty of women, not just Family Court judges, think husbands and wives should be treated different. Zero sense of hypocrisy in the comments. Honestly, after reading the post you linked, I’m not sure it’s a good example of a double standard. There are no kids and there is little In the post that suggests there was an agreement made for her to work and him to be a house husband, despite him doing some housework. I’m inclined to agree that she should leave the marriage and really should not have any obligation to support l her ex. I would normally advise that she speak to him first, let him know she’s not happy and that things need to c…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/08/23 02:04 AM
3	Rant If it helps, I was in a similar situation years ago. I discovered my ex’s infidelity which triggered ptsd symptoms and severe depression. Despite informing my boss and requesting some accommodations due to my mental and emotional state, I was fired a few months later, just after the holidays. Needless to say, I had contemplated suicide often during that time. My previous employer petitioned to deny my unemployment claim but the state ruled in my favor. Finding a job, however, took more time than…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/07/23 02:24 AM
1	Why do I keep trying? I would disagree about dating being more difficult for women. I’m an average looking guy in my 40s and check most of the boxes women typically look for. Dating has been, more often than not, a waste of time and money. This video recently posted gives a gold breakdown of the issues with apps but it’s much more than that: https://youtu.be/x3lypVnJ0HM I just went on a date last weekend and she told me college kids are now using apps to hookup with older women so they can have their own Mrs. Robinso…	/r/Divorce_Men	25/07/23 11:43 PM
3	Fucked up country Piling on here. When I discovered my ex wife’s Infidelity, she was making twice as much money as I was. When Ingot divorced, more than half my paycheck went to child support and healthcare costs for the kids. My child support was more than my rent and if I hadn’t gotten a new job that almost tripled my income, I would have eventually declared bankruptcy and probably killed myself.	/r/Divorce_Men	25/07/23 04:40 AM
1	Just recently got contact info on one of my STBXW affair partners. Does it matter if he’s upset with your stbxw? His feelings should be of no concern to you. The same goes for your wife. Why does it matter that he is mad or she is? What you need to focus on is not petty revenge or actions that would only increase suffering in the world. Getting more details will only feed your desire to go pain shopping and delay the things you need to heal and move on. Worry about yourself and your family/kids. Consider your wife to be dead. Grieve, seek counseling and put in …	/r/Divorce_Men	25/07/23 04:32 AM
8	Why do I keep trying? Echoing so many of the sentiments here. I saw myself in almost everything you said. For me it was eight years ago. We had just celebrated our five year wedding anniversary. We had known each other for 18 years, together for eight, built a house and had two young children together. She threw it all away for a “family friend” who dropped her before we even sold our home and finalized the divorce. You can read my post history for more details but I can say it does get better. I lost everything. My …	/r/Divorce_Men	25/07/23 04:22 AM
5	Just recently got contact info on one of my STBXW affair partners. Don’t bother. He’s not your friend, quite the opposite, so why would he want to help you? IMO, contacting the spouse of an AP is the right thing to do if they are married but otherwise an AP doesn’t care and might even take pleasure in your pain. Focus on moving forward and don’t get trapped in the past dwelling on on the wrongs that have been done to you. It’s not easy, but it’s the best thing you can do.	/r/Divorce_Men	21/07/23 12:04 PM
1	Divorced father's, would you rather live a life alone or live a life with someone who doesn't love you + a kid you adore. What’s your general condition? It’s easy to look outward and blame others for your situation and not see how you may be contributing. You mention not being attractive or popular. Why do you feel that way? Are you in shape or overweight? Have you been lax with your hygiene? Have you stopped worrying or have you ever concerned yourself with what you wear and how you look? These are all things that you have control over and impact your confidence and ultimately your attractiveness to your spouse an…	/r/Divorce_Men	21/07/23 11:53 AM
1	Anyone else have a sixth sense about their ex's affair? Don’t wait to focus on yourself. You’ll find yourself trying to make excuses that will just hold yourself back. I know because I had some setbacks when I moved into an apartment complex with worse equipment than my home gym and then again when I got injured and stopped working out altogether. Learn to identify when you’re making excuses and how to push through them to be more disciplined. One gift of my ex’s infidelity was that the stress it introduced kept me from sleeping. I was in fight or fl…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/07/23 01:05 PM
2	Missing the memories and life, maybe not the person I started dating a year, maybe a year and a half after divorce. I was still in pain and still healing, but I was pretty open and honest with the women and a few of them really helped me on the path to rebuild my life. None of the women ended up being long term partners, however, as I had learned a lot about myself, my boundaries, and what I wanted out of a partner. I’m not wired for random hookups and there are things I’m not willing to compromise on so it’s been lonely at times, but you learn h…	/r/Divorce_Men	16/07/23 01:34 AM
3	Missing the memories and life, maybe not the person Unfortunately, you probably always will. I’m seven years post divorce and life events always have a strange way of opening up old wounds. Most recently, had something happen and it hit me hard that the woman I married chose to blow up our family in the worst way possible. You learn to expect it, and you simply get better working through it as you live in the moment and seek to lead a good life.	/r/Divorce_Men	16/07/23 12:29 AM
5	Anyone else have a sixth sense about their ex's affair? That was over seven years ago. Her infidelity hit my hard and I suffered PTSD which lead to me being fired for the first time in my life. I was at rock bottom for a lot of reasons. The good thing is that, as a result, I couldn’t sleep so I hit the gym a lot and got in the best shape of my life. I also spent many late nights reading and learned a lot about infidelity, relationships, marriage, and therapy techniques. Fast forward to today and things are better. Losing my job was the best thing tha…	/r/Divorce_Men	15/07/23 10:33 AM
3	Anyone else have a sixth sense about their ex's affair? No reason not to get both. Best option is probably a bike with a sidecar for the pup to ride in.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/07/23 03:38 AM
4	Anyone else have a sixth sense about their ex's affair? Barring a few occasional triggers tied to life events (weddings and funerals) I’m done coping and have moved on. Agree with the motorcycle though. I had planned to get my license and a bike before the pandemic and have just been too busy but I’m hoping next summer will pan out.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/07/23 11:34 PM
14	Anyone else have a sixth sense about their ex's affair? For sure. Hardest thing in my life. I experienced the full PTSD symptoms and the marriage counselor we got only made it worse. Eventually lost my job and so much more before I got divorced. Thankfully, I recovered and in many ways am stronger for it. Scarred for sure, but I am in the best shape of my life, my current job is infinitely better, I’m making 3x what I was making when married and I was already making a good living married. I briefly dated a woman half my age to see what that’s like (n…	/r/Divorce_Men	14/07/23 10:59 PM
7	Anyone else have a sixth sense about their ex's affair? Agreed. I knew my ex wife and I knew what she was like when in love. When I noticed her staring out the window longingly, I realized what was happening and that was reinforced by other changes in behavior like keeping her cell phone within arms reach, placing it face down on the counter when during the previous years it was always face up, etc. I asked her about it and she obviously denied it. I asked to see her phone, and she refused, only to give it to me later… after she obviously deleted mes…	/r/Divorce_Men	14/07/23 10:45 PM
2	How long did you marriage last and how long did it take to heal completely? Married 7, together 10, friends for 18 years Discovered her affair shortly after 5th wedding anniversary and separated for about 1.5 years while coordinating the official divorce Divorced for 6 years Still not fully healed. I thought I was, but I’m here because the recent death of my mother-in-law opened up the wound. I don’t think you ever fully heal. I spent the weekend reflecting on my marriage and irrationally blaming only myself for its failure despite knowing I fought hard for it in the en…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/07/23 11:37 PM
2	Let her go!! Whats you’re role in the decline of your relationship? There seems to always be an expectation that the men whose wives cheated on them and/or left them should reflect on their relationship and realize that they contributed to the failure of their marriage. It’s a point I don’t disagree with, but it’s also trends toward victim blaming. One can always look back on their life and see ways they could have behaved better in school, in work, in their relationships and in their marriage. I’ve read the…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/07/23 12:10 PM
1	It’s our fault Love is a verb. It is a choice. Love and the hormones involved ebb and flow because being in a constant state of limerence would be detrimental to survival. At a certain point, one must choose to love and to persevere through the times when the love wanes and times are difficult because the long term reward of sharing a life with someone is worth it. Doubly so when you have children. There are plenty of things I look back on and feel I could have done better, but none will ever justify infidelit…	/r/Divorce_Men	07/07/23 02:40 AM