https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rEoN9ZddHY

1 -

In my last volume, it was random, it was a bunch of lines. I had to put a stop to it. Like the volume just before, you could talk about my lack of experience in both writing & philosophy. At least offer something. I’m gathering thoughts. They just go everywhere. I don’t spend any large amount of time just doing one or two things. Whether it's the study of academics, art, or even creating art. It shows. It doesn’t bother me. Well, it does & doesn’t. I am not doing the same thing all the time. I study film, then politics with Chris Hedges, writing documentaries. I've recently seen a couple of documentaries of southern writers, like Faulkner & a doco on ‘Gone with the wind’. I like my poetry, writing it. Reading it not as much can listen to it being recited. Sitting there & reading is another story. There is so much to learn. Knowing how to use the online world can be a blessing. Having an interest in varied subjects will tear apart the internal world.

Today, I think I've lost my job. Long story short. Nomadic life hasn’t fully left my essence. I walk away when it doesn’t feel right nor can it be fixed. But to be honest, a lot had to do with my lack of communication. I was at Hit Cafe, mainly the Dee Why store that the owners had. No critical thought is needed at this place. Good for a quick dollar. Their roster isn’t okay, but constant work, they didn’t provide superannuation or entitlements, as long as you worked, you had a job. It contributed to keeping me floating, it was across the road from a secondhand bookstore that I love. I bought books from it regularly. Normally a couple at a time. Long story short. I kept my distance from the staff, at an arm's length, because being paid in cash, no entitlements, & so on. I’ll work for what they’re paying me, just not beyond that. I think the staff started to pick up on it. I almost got into a screaming argument in regards to that. I walked off. I waited a couple of days, the night before the shift I was supposed to go back on, I set myself up, got my working clothes together, & set my alarm as if I was going to work. I woke up. I said to myself, “don’t go”. So I didn’t. Of course, they tried to get in contact with me. Later that day, they started to advertise for new staff. I wasn’t going to be accepted back, I hoped for the two shifts I had worked that they were going to pay me, but came to grips that they weren’t. Within a couple of days, I had found another job. This is a constantly recurring theme in my recovery life. As a result, I had never learned financial literacy. This is the new place, “Three Beans”, Dee Why, a couple of blocks away from Hit Cafe. I accepted the job knowing sooner or later someone will figure something out. A couple of days ago, locally in Sydney, a storm hit or heavy rain. I'm sure I could learn the technical names or terminology to it all, but both shit & bad weather. The day before a shift, the owner of Three Beans had canceled my upcoming shift. On account of the shit weather, I know it’s not personal, even though I would lose a day's wage. Even though it has been almost two weeks, I was relieved. I didn’t respond to the text. I did my night, then I slept in, the owner sent me a follow-up text, for Monday morning, I told myself in a couple of hours, I would respond, & that I just need to wake up. The day that was Monday gone, left for the memories, like a pair of Spanish sunglasses. I woke up, Tuesday morning. I entered the cafe through the back door, not even thinking about it all. The owner just gave me a look. Not in a harsh or violent way, just looking at me, as if to say “what are you doing here?” He said he would speak to me later, later name & he never came. I do plan to text him, texting him something. I don’t think I got the job, but I am hoping that I still have it. The money given from those working shifts will keep me afloat.

This afternoon, I know there’s more to life than work, money, & so on. I don’t know if I am a sellout or not. With my coffee & cigarettes, my friends & lovers. I wish society to reinvent itself, allowing people to live life as their identity. I guess the online world, more social media. But it’s full of shit, it's full of arrogance, ego, falsehood, it’s not even celebrity like Hollywood. I am in no mood for that Illuminati stuff, which I personally think those conspiracies have more truth in it than anyone would believe. I think the internet is a large collection of a shared collective shithole. But the thought of identity in the day-to-day, reality, work, & so on. I guess people do, or can, but really, I don’t think people ever do. I don’t. I barely do. I mean, like, expressing myself outside. It's a model, as they say, ‘to/for the game of life. Played across various environments, social circles, family, lifelong friends, & your girlfriend's family. Outside actually spiritual life, void of humility & self-awareness. People own undertones of Machiavellian traits. Or at times, use them for the greater good. The rise of the social media industry, cash apps, & PayPal links do provide a shortcut to taking industry standards & respective government laws out of the picture. Often, influencers as they’re called use current sites to draw people to their personal websites. Which happens more than the mass thinks it doesn’t. Let alone avoid paying tax. The online world has provided countless studies. I still stand by how people use it, with their respective perspectives, can make it healthy or given the veil of making the online world worth using, or not. It's very early in its history. To put on a camera, Livestream & never leave one’s own private residency. Prior, one would have to go through the art world, to gain that reputation, using one’s artwork to distribute through the public domain. Then express personal identity. Often people fail to grow, get to know themself, to gain a grip on the understanding of human nature in regard to the wider community. The social justice aspect that has prevailed over recent modern history, has provided the biggest criticism of positive illusions, as the conservative side of it all, instead of prolonging the good, it's binding of restrictions with the inability of growth or no change. The internet is void of transmitting identity into the real world. Despite any effort of providing education to the wide community for understanding. Let alone bypassing the world of art, & social sciences & philosophy has in gigantic leaps, tremendously expanded. Not doing much to debate naive realism. Which is something I don’t want to add to. I see facts, out in the public domain or what is considered common sense, therefore others have seen those facts because they have access to it, being in agreement than living out in reality as all having such shared knowledge. In regards to myself, I could come across as being timid, quiet, & reserved. So on. Therefore people do not ought to, but recognize, & interact as such. This personal knowledge at times provides a self-serving bias. I consider myself a social loner. I don’t avoid people. I just want my time to be used for what interests me. If I was going to socially interact, I want it to be genuine. Which won’t translate in real life that well. I don’t have many people to actually see me, when, if they do, there’s a void. Which I think, makes it easier to express identity in daily life. Considering all I got to do is to keep quiet. Easier compared to being entrenched in being so extroverted.

Since the online world has provided now such easy access, which now seems all too easy, particularly if have experience with the internet during the 90s, ideologies have spawned. Which now is becoming common knowledge & begun to be openly documented. There’s even a genre of ‘lolcows’. Quirky people. Those with obscure interests. Collectors. People who buy old, worn-out cars, then rebuild them.

I am still learning about MGTOW stuff, it’s fairly new. I don’t know how much I’ve written on it before, there’s no canon to it. Yes, at face value, I came to this part of the online world, being heartbroken by a woman. Considering most guys as black & white, you can find people with an inflated view of themselves (which is normal for social media) or those either having an innate want to grow or stumbling upon such. Finding fault in the external by using peer-based interests & ideologies. Or using a shared experience to exchange lived experiences, thoughts, tips, & so on to grow. Good & bad cannot exist without the other, I am granted it is fairly new. It is out there for the world to know, in a previous form, that the incel community had originated from a woman, who is calling herself ‘Alana’ about her lack of dating life, or interest in guys. As people outside looking in, the media report about incel problems, such as Elliot Rodgers, as they should. I think examples like that, where Satan satisfies, should not be used by online communities to better hide or veil things, but the flaws of that particular ideology, & lacking understanding of human nature. But I do think this online community, I highly doubt they do anything collectively in life, together, which I am not referring to the exception or minor groups of two or three people, promotes much men's health. Despite a few examples. It goes unnoticed. Unfortunately, you have to peel the shit or fat away. It is really easy to live online. One other reason that brought me here, honestly, isn’t in regard to men’s mental health but being a loner. In fact, other than watching videos online, I don't interact with them at all. Surprisingly, it goes for the aesthetic art community, where I predominately only look at philosophy, & literature forums. Sometimes cinema based. Criticism plays such an important role. This isn’t going to be a counterpart to any criticism of the manosphere, I personally welcome it. I think it’s important for anyone to be held accountable. A community that doesn’t grasp human nature, is a community destined to condemn itself. The conflict between the desire to grab what one wants, voiding self-accountability of personal character flaws, to the interplay of holding others accountable for the wrongdoings they’re committing or not, while self-hating what one lacks that feeds into what's wrong, trying to avoid being even noticed. Morality & nihilism cannot co-exist. This is all easy to do, to feed into narratives of how wrong the external is, the lacking self-awareness, critical thinking & living a lifestyle of no consequences. Morals hold weight, beauty in itself while shining light on ugly, as nihilism passes absurdism to a blanket of nothing, allowing hedonism to live in the comfort that seemingly in overt ways, is now a normal lifestyle. Philosophy, not even conversations have to lead to a shared agreement, but at least it leads to an understanding allowing a bearing on one another or at least exposing flaws of another, which isn’t providing a self-evident truth alone. From its birthing years, known to the public as reality tv, it has now fully offered humanity in voyeurism on or in the online world, people, pain, weakness, stupidity, & humiliation. Rather than engaging with one another. I put the ones above already, humiliating another person publicly, is the act Satan satisfies. Pointing out human flaws is pointing out your own. One way or another, evil will be there. Which is a paradox & a straight-up moral change. It’s clear in this space, when seeing enough of it, a moral matrix, of self-indulging or finding not like-minded people, but others to feed into one another that doesn’t provide a path for change into growth. This is a constant complaint agent in the manosphere towards particular modern-day feminism. While even younger, the woman has a non-active dating life. But I will always support the diversity of it all, not so much keeping them alive but documents of such existing theories. I am aware enough that there isn't one way to a moral certainty. I am not a guy who solely thinks that only men can teach boys. Weaving a web of evidence, in YouTube land, it’s called ‘a compilation’ isn’t a strong argument for finding women who, using the language of ‘hitting the wall’, publicly naming life’s failure, failed dating life, & so on. It is not taking a vantage point of moral realism. This isn’t samsara. A failure to understand oneself will always lead to misunderstandings of others. I still think that the mass, global, have no real grasp on how fragile their personal world is. Often want to be culturally elite. Then an individual thinker, engaging & receiving. I must credit where credit is due, at least people aren't in freight of voicing in public discourse. Which does contribute to social philosophy. Judge Judy isn’t a saint in the manosphere, which I personally think that's blasphemy. I don’t know if I am using the manosphere as an example, perhaps it's fairly new. Developing thinking is a part of identity. Some sort of public discourse is needed for it. I think it’s misguided humanity. Or misguided human traits, the yearning of feeling wanted, attention, & not being alone in times of being roughed around. There’s this Jordan Peterson quote that won’t leave my head, “modern times makes it easier to forlorn adulthood, but the consequences are”. Something like. It’s all in correlation to body positive affirmation, the rise of only fans, & toxic positive affirmations. I don’t know how much I’ve personally written about before, I don’t keep track, my last breakup was over three years ago, at the time of writing this. I didn’t instantly seek revenge, act out resentment, hate anyone, didn’t magically somehow picked one person (in this context, my ex) & blanket one person with an entire gender, nor somehow i was blinded at my own fault, my own mistake, nor I’m I blind to how I physically look. And I know I’ve written a few lines prior, anything related to the manosphere stemmed from looking at being a loner, where even outside my dating life, I never had an active social life. I cannot align myself with so much of the manosphere space. None of it. It is so one-sided. Like Marx, I think tried to predict in his works, a rift in natural laws, the sex industry for example, but ever since the nineties, the pickup industry had hit the mainstream. But the self-reflecting, the side of what I had done wrong, my fitness, my emotional health. It really sparked a stream of thought on personal identity. One major reason why I don't particularly want to single out men’s mental health, I have spent most of my life interacting with women. Online, innovating technology to unlock the world to everything. An unlimited resource. The problem with new ideologies has something in common with personal identity. That it can be tailored. I’ve seen or read articles on the widespread use of the sex industry, as a social backlash to the conservativism of the ’80s & early/mid-’90s. Yes, Reagan, Thatcher & Bush Sr is at fault. Thus far, I still think it’s the lack of character development in daily life that is wrestling with reality.

The responsible thing is to grow into a better person.

I don’t think you can solely measure cultural despair through anything of sex, dating, or romance. Possibly the reproduction rate. Maybe the reason I am throwing the manosphere is, that I am sure something subconscious is there, but the world at face value will perceive me as the male. Which is a fair assumption.

Without revealing the effects of life to the public will cause more harm than not. I get it. Personal mistakes are what they are, personal. And like it has always been in human history. The greatest minds will compete, as they should. But industry relies on limiting behavior. To come certain degree, the fact I do these random writings for the public to see is a want of validation. I am using my time to produce. A silhouette of my personal identity. Outside, they rely on me interacting with how they see fit. The money offered is paying me off. I’ve written so much on the relationship between work. Often money conflicts with so many emotions. It's a false sense. Sometimes on some small level, the drive for avoidance develops personal identity, including the arts. In a previous volume, I wrote about or touched on the economic richness of one’s local area. The access to quality, the number of people in the community, the level of education, bookstores, the quality of school & of course, law. Financial constraint. The manipulation of money is apparent, its affected everything, including the way people feel. As long as people place some sort of value on money, it will always carry weight in society, between people. The ability to establish both truth & morality, the decision to structure one's day. I commute. The number of hours spent during the day. Somewhat being held in standing with management. Identities shift in line with the air. The interplay between the people one chooses to interact with during the day. When humanity relies on areas of life, the industry will exist. Creating art is work. At the stage where capitalism is no longer any sort of theory. It's been tested so many times, in various ways. I’m surprised there aren’t more post-modern theories in relation to work. Such business leaders as Elon Musk & Steve Jobs provide the culture of an intoxicating narrative. Work provides a sense of doing something, passing the time,& variance of interacting with different people. Over the last year or so, I have left at least three jobs. I’ve been fired two times from two other jobs. All food related. Providing me a sense. It has prevented me from doing the things that I wanted, such as what I’ve mentioned, study, art, this bullshit philosophy. I’ve got to consider what I am bringing to the industry. What I am contributing to? Since I have started this volume with work, I am unsure how to take the direction of this volume, I’m more likely going to expand more details with my diary entry books or what I have titled them for the ebooks, ‘random note taking’. Not only financial payments to the individual but what kind of production they commit to. Ever since I was young, I’ve never had a sense of direction, I dropped out of high school, at the end of year ten. I never fitted in. not that I was an outcast, or bullied. I was overweight at the time. I told myself just to find a job, I knew at the time I wasn’t meant for either trade in an area like construction, carpentry, or even in something like where you had to wear a suit & tie. At sixteen, anyone had the potential to do anything. I took a job at Pizza Hut. besides a paper run, I never really worked anywhere. It’s been so long now, sensations or thoughts don’t so much weigh on me now. It did break some doors for me. It provided something for me. Looking back, I interacted with people who in a professional sense, never followed a path. It played a part. It distracted me for a few hours at night, since then, I have fallen into the traps of part-time entry-level plague. No one held me accountable. I had no desire, I didn’t have a drive, I just did day to day, I wastes my own time. I confused thinking with feeling, I held that stream for so long, & as result, I gained so much weight, I became stupid as I fell into addiction, which exploded as rock bottom. It’s my own fault. The laziness I had entrenched in, embellished. Actually, the minimum wage isn’t a number mandated by the government, it’s nothing. It’s not a solution. Money & status in the workforce comes during the trade-off. Once I myself had given something from my being. I understand that now. I had no morals or ethics. No artistic drive. Not even a search for reality. Though not sharing myself within a single workplace or industry has left my time, my week, & my day entirely rendered & refined to me. Now, I have no anxiety or worry about what a boss or work peer has to say to me, nor what they even think of me. Currently, as I write this, I technically have no traditional job. There is no worry about that. Math is the language of the universal so it makes sense to put a value on someone, in the translation of numbers. Education, time, skill & labor. The owner of Three Beans to the Dee Why location, funny, jaded, tired, emotional, I cannot put into words, but seemingly Australian, white Australian. I was happy he didn't have the Michelin arrogance, I was glad he smoked cigarettes. But dug himself into a working hole. I feel sorry for him. I forgot to reply to a simple text. And he took it way too personally. In secular thinking, I still think that your personal reality is a form of judgment. It never asks you what you want or how you feel. It just breathes to stay alive while it reacts. Reasons why I pick low-effort, entry-level jobs. Nothing is expected of me. And when my working day is over. I am never contacted by work itself. There are things I would not be able to do if I had committed to a class career. Which is blasphemy for individual philosophy. Individuals not only create themself but must go into business with their own hands. The extent of intelligence & ignorance is the actions. There is no reason for either industry or corporations to have human rights. To separate morals in the workplace in itself, dehumanizing. Which is a paradox. Which plays with everything that freedom has. Personal & beyond. Life experience, to which I admit, for a while, took the life & learn the method, to allow my personal thinking to make decisions on what to do with my time. The consequences it is determined by my personal thinking. The online world, in an instrumental way, plays into the method of corporate socialism. Some strange mixture of correlation & causation. It took time for my emotions to become attached to anything creative. In a couple of days, I have a job interview. Which I don’t know if I’ll get. Still in a society where we trade money, rather than ideas & what the individual can do. A serious freethinker in original thinking will never enforce a personal want on the outcome. The inequality of outcome concept threatens freedom itself. To what value do the results have if they didn’t come from natural ethics, individual morals & style, stemming from personal identity? Which is a collective ideology, when accepting a job position. Like those online communities. It's a blunt instrument. Time management is. One seems to be for the public the other for personal. Which is something I am clearly trying to align. To be paid for the production of my work, which I am clearly using now, which is utterly dependent on others. Macro-philosophy wanted. There are things beyond our or mine control. People's reaction, choices they make, in the way they think & feel, to what they personally find valuable, what outcomes bring in something tangible, for themself & society. The product produced, physically allows for the benefit of more, in theory, has more value to humanity. Because more could enjoy. People often forget that the more outweighs the less. What are the morals of that? Despite the upcoming job interview I have, I do plan to continue to apply for work, which I cannot help to laugh at myself, this happens. I think God is watching me, or karma, as of today, the car that I use isn’t starting. My landlord reckons it has something to do with the fuel filler. I was the last one to use it prior to it failing. I must start to weigh the impact even the smallest actions have on my life.

If I gave cigarettes, coffee, a bed, somewhere of comfort & safe to stay, on occasion someone to talk to, I’m very much a happy boy. And a book, a good book. In a repetitive cycle without weight gain too. Like Kerouac, I would rather be thin than famous.

I’m still single. Very much. With no prospects, zero, not a single person. Nothing to report in regard to my personal social life. I still get along with people. Since rock bottom had started, I had been doing at least one meeting in 12 step program a day. I have reached a level where I feel okay not going every day. Which I still don’t have a coherent aim. I want to be around people, but I want to be doing my own thing. It’s the smell of actual sulfur & a heartfelt warmth. Gonzo's philosophy is just armchair philosophy, gonzo style writing can work in other areas of writing, I don’t think personal for philosophy. The lack of communication others have towards me, perhaps it's what they think about me. I don’t speak up, I barely do, it's because, on the spot, I never think of it. As of today, I woke up, knowing the car I have access to is not working ok, so I had to bus into a job interview. Taking my camera with me, so at least I am documenting something, which documenting my basic life is becoming an endless interest of mine. Keeping some sort of optimism in my system considering I have been here before. I got there about an hour early. I don’t if it’s the pursuit of happiness or starving contentment. This is happening while I am uploading a vlog. Which is taking too long, it’s still processing, it is almost six hours long. The buddha & Epictetus in their writings proposed that happiness comes from within & not having the external conforming to one’s will. I am attached to my emotions, I can control my emotions. I walked around some of the shops after I bought a packet of cigarettes. I record. The sound to this section won't be any good, so I am hoping that I’ll remember when I am editing to do something with the sound. More likely some sort of radio static, while I was filming, I was telling myself to find audio of some random guy just speaking. Regardless, I did the interview, it went okay. I practically went home straight away. I tell myself that I sabotage myself in areas of life, to help give myself a false sense of purpose or a distraction from what’s happening. In angst, I can’t sit still. I move around a lot. I don’t focus on one thing. It is what happens. The freedom just to walk off a job I didn’t like & have no worry in despair about my personal future. It is a reminder that I haven’t found a way where it challenges me, engages my attention, & feeds into my skills that are the tinder for growth. With my litter-junkie inside, it’s a yearning for constant stimulation & instant gratification. After the self-help craze, no one has connected with toxic positive affirmations which are still really in their extremely early life. I guess I want to touch a little despair. In my wariness of battling a lifelong ‘ism’ with addiction, my emotional eating has tiny embers now, until I have the safety net of a steady income. It is an association in, for, or towards freedom. Money. It is a reflection of where my work stands though. What I have in common with the Buddha, is aging, sickness & of course (at least the physical) death. These are afflictions shared by the masses. The philosophy of nonattachment or perception, in mainstream modern society, it’s with the hippies, which I think is one of the most over-romanticized social trends thus far. I am not rejecting actions of the past, the hippies have helped spread values amongst society. Passion doesn’t justify the rationale. I am free, well society will remain free, to serve two masters, which stems from a story from the bible. I have to work to generate. But I don’t want to bypass my personal history in the creation of art. Which is one reason why I want to document the most mundane life. Like I said above, my car had cracked it, my car is dead, & my car is no longer here. At face or what I am thinking off the top of my head. When I instantly need a packet of cigarettes, getting to & from 12-step meetings. Perhaps long-term stuff, if, the keyword is if. I meet someone in my dating life. This has come at a time when I am feeling more emotionally healed, being alone, not having that internal force to go to a 12-step meeting, most of the time, I can focus on something creatively at home. More time listening to podcasts, interviews, & art documentaries, considering now I can’t just go & do it. The crazy thought is to create a fourth youtube channel, just to sit & do live streams. These or these works are an attempt to become more self-conscious. I don’t have the powers to perform such in-depth self-scrutiny, which is what I always need. When I do have it, I struggle to put it in writing. Art cannot be summed up in a single optional world. Despite attempts in the idealized world of robotics. Metaphysics too. I have to meditate on this, for a large amount of time. What is the point of it & how to grow in identity? Maybe it’s a force externally to deal with my emotions, to force me to heal from my rock bottom. Lately, I have been getting in touch with the way I was living in, before my rock bottom. I’ve written on it a bit, I don’t what more that continuing writing on it will do, maybe I should write on the healing process. Driving cars had been a distraction for me.

Everything is a sacrifice.

I haven’t moved forward in my faith. I am still trying to figure it out myself. Some sort of aim, direction & why. The woman who inspired or shifted me in that stream of thinking. We don’t even talk anymore. Not because of this. I had asked her out sometime later, so yeah. I haven’t done much either in learning religion. Or God for that. I am not questioning any of it. Listening to Chris Hedges is helping. I just haven’t spent much doing in searching for it. I still kinda think it's a form of getting my act together, having a stronger moral compass, a road to walk along while I am living future based. I’ve wrapped my bible in a cloth. Thinking about it, I haven’t sat down & read it in a while. I haven’t attended a church service for several months. Which the whole church culture doesn’t interest me. It’s not the boy scout vibe I get from people, it’s something that I can’t put my finger on it. It isn’t an avoidance of religion that I am acting out with. I guess in some weird way I am. It’s not detaching from what I am doing. Like writing this. It’s not one form of way to find God. not one way to practice any of it. I do think it’s a cry for personal attention. My attempts at loner philosophy or individual philosophy, it’s conflicting. Perhaps a figurehead, a symbol, some sort of internal direction of like I said, morals, to be a better person. Or even developing a branch of philosophy would come into conflict with it. Maybe a wanting of moral direction. When I stop to make time for something, I don't grow elsewhere. This might explain why I have not followed a single philosopher. I don’t have an artist that I’m in love with. I do try to learn about the faith that others have, for years I had a fascination with Orthodox Jews. In any part of human history, changes, revolutions, social trends, & the destructions of the innovations in the new, stems from suffering or constrictions. Cries of moral renewal become louder. The word ‘no’ becomes used more often. Years spanning a generation, society is formed, then it’s mastered for a while, then it begins again. It’s not always the world of think tanks & academics, thoughts of the intelligentsia, or even the middle class labeled as bourgeois, as long a person can emotionally feel something, cries are not only cries, injustices are forced. I like branches of philosophy or even a single philosopher, not even my life for Camus or someone like Orwell can fully sway me to follow, but religion or institutions. Influence is just as powerful as the search for identity that provides so many people with meaning. Death, death hasn’t been ‘cured’, those mainly in economic power surely take advantage of, which so often religion had taken advantage over. Maybe looking for a sense of a better quality of life. The philosophical inquiries into the existence of God won’t stop, nor is it anything new. Anyone knowing anything about ‘the machine’, knows that it can calculate faster, more accurately, more within a single second than the human brain can. Small example, video records memory, in more detail than a person’s memory. On a humanist level or psychological part of me, it tells that people have a divine aspect to them. Maybe the fact my 20’s have left me, now currently in my 30s, perhaps I am trying to correct it. The intelligent aren’t always empathetic people. They’re understanding instead. Or in volunteering ways, paying for my karma, the sin, or the mistakes I’ve made in the past. If God lowered his hand down to earth, to stop, & prevent tragedy, won’t it stop him from becoming a tyrant? Aren’t we made in the image of him? A controlling God, the atheist is justified in rejecting the existence of. That thinking underplays the power of, the or any God, doubting you could say, the new testament emphasis on faith, well, personal faith, which helps with individual philosophy. Maybe I am to compensate for my own flaws or ignorance. Becoming more compelled to do good, than work on the bad that is within me. Moral reconstruction isn’t a new method or theory, idea, or concept. I do think sometimes that it's the account I don’t have anyone in my own life to look up to, to admire, or to call my hero that I subconsciously looking for. Myths & religion more likely resulted from personal interruptions & free thought. We can empathize on what is good & moral, what we can use in our day-to-day life, from traditions, stories, myths, religion, the secular, & aspects from other cultures, for personal development & interdependence on others, I’m sure the progress of humanity can benefit. My worries are, is not singled out but finding only certain ways. I want to be jerked out from a constant cycle of rebirthing. That's all. I still haven’t found a church or anything, not even my peers. I think this is where people connect. Wanting a meaningful lead life. Jonathan Haidt is a great writer for rad about this, the social groups. I’ve been doing 12-step recovery for almost ten years now, i haven’t found running mates in it. But I am interested in the humanities, I’m sure this is an extension of that. I don’t feel bad for past writing on Satanism, I am not worried about consolidating it, no guilt at all. A philosophy I am not rejecting. I haven’t rejected anything. Denouncing is not on my agenda. I don’t know what the future holds, I’m sure in some ways this will be a fruitless inquiry, or more likely now, redeeming my past sins so I can actually live guilt-free. We know what know now but do to the level of our emotions. Starting, starting anything new isn’t a struggle for me, I fail to plan or to think ahead.

People should always try something new or do new things. Change something to do with themselves. Over the last few months, I have been becoming more comfortable with being alone, I still wish I had a couple of friends that we share an active social life, & a dating life too. Everything else not literally is forlorn. It’s what I know, being a loner, just getting along with people I do.

Despite everyone having some sort of access to something, personal intelligence restricts so much, which could argue that it breathes into metaphysics. At least angst, existentialism & absurdity. The Three Beans owner I just did a short stint with, working-wise, had some old fashion thoughts, though it is what he knows, is used to, emotionally comfortable with. Due to my lack of skill with the written word, bringing it up with him would just cause arguments, I don’t know his personal history, & what's in his thoughts. I just mentioned my lack of skill. I have heard theories of economics. Though intelligence could breed more theories. Its mass of it can be studied. The mind is elusive. On average, when we’re born, the brain itself is weighing one point but grows into three pounds by adulthood (twenty-five years is the common age where it fully develops). Not all countries, but some, roles in that particular society play part, for the rest, perhaps is where economics really plays a part. Of course modern times, the study of the mind, learning, let alone the various ways of actually learning. Shared way. Lived experience. Acceptance & awareness is the starting point. Intelligence brings on a bleak view of the world. I know very way that a little number of people will end up reading this. So often people want to start from their narrative, & I don’t blame them. Defining intelligence is & always be an issue. I don’t think people have some sort of moral obligation to put it out there. With the above few lines, I don’t why I’ve added them into the intro. But I certainly differ from so many people. The only thing I want changing, is my own, in the form of personal improvement. Which is selfish. The quality of life improves on the basis of the rest increased intelligence. Though it will not solve any issue. The increment of intelligence will guide pathways for others to be more talented in the engineering of what their want in culture.