In my mind, sex has two purposes: For enjoyment, and for reward. Let’s be honest with ourselves ladies, while we enjoy sex, especially when it’s in the right moment and with the right man, sex is a very useful tool as a reward for the kind of man that you want in your life. It’s the reason why you don’t just have sex with anyone. It’s the reason why you, as a woman, should hold off on sex until you’re with a man that has earned it. Not necessarily with money, but with time, effort and/or commitment. The type and amount/degree of the time and effort varies from one woman to the other, and so you need to tailor it to suit what your relationships goals are.

And while I recognize that some might call it manipulative, I would encourage you to ask them if they believe that a man should just commit to anyone without assessing whether or not she’s worthy of his commitment. When they’re unable to answer, then I believe that you have your answer. You need to approach relationships first with a mindset of what your goals are and what you’re hoping to achieve out of it. Too many women become selfless to their own detriment and wonder why they aren’t getting what they want out of their interactions and encounters with men. Don’t be that woman.

Forget that nonsense about how a woman should say yes to sex with her boyfriend or her husband whenever he asks for it. How many of those sources also tell the men to say yes to those long conversations or those fun trips or those fun outings that you enjoy, even if the man isn’t feeling it? They would hypocritically tell you to say yes to sex while telling the man to condition his displays of love and sacrifice for you, depending on how he’s feeling in the moment. Again, having a healthy focus on what you want and need out of the relationship is key here.

When a man has shown a routine and constant level of commitment and has shown a sacrificial nature with regards to pleasing you, then you can show a sacrificial nature with regards to sex. The idea of maintenance sex is repulsive. Sex should be enjoyable for both of you, and if you’re having to fake it for a significant amount of the interactions with your man, you seriously need to question why you’re even having sex with him in the first place. Question what value he’s bringing to you in the relationship and weigh it against yours.

If you don’t look out for yourself, who will?