First, I wish the FDS had existed when I was younger, I’ve learned SO much here. I’ve read the handbook and the wiki and all the other references top to bottom. All I can say is thank you! I've been lurking for a bit and I started this newer account on Reddit so I could be here with it being attached to my regular account.

I also have wondered whether or not FDS applies to me. I’m 48 yrs old and while my goal is to find a HVM to treat me like a queen, my ultimate goal is not to get married and reproduce. That ship has sailed already.

I’m writing because I have a cautionary tale for the group, so I thought I’d share. Long post here, but TL;DR There are LVM in every age group. TRP and narcissists abound. BEWARE.

I’m divorced from a man who I had been with since I was 19. I helped him through medical school, helped pay off his student loans and was an all around HV wife. Fast forward to 26 yrs later - 26 freaking years - and he decided his 23 yr old single mother assistant could fulfill him in all the ways he was lacking. This 49 yr old man found the love of his life in a 23 yr old and she was more than happy to comply. Anyhow, I’m divorced almost 3 yrs now. Shocker. (Nothing is wrong with being a single mother, BTW)

I went to therapy, got a different job, kept my house, bought a new car and kept all my friends. Boom, new life started. I really, really worked hard on myself to figure out where I was in my head. I went on a couple of dates with LVM, but I was able to spot them immediately and rejected their pathetic selves. One guy told me that we were going to split the bills for all our dates and didn’t raise a finger to help pay when we went out with my friends because “he was intimidated.” Bye boy, bye. 50 yrs OLD! FFS.

Fast forward, my BFF wanted me to meet an old friend of hers. She thought we’d be perfect for one another. How could I say no, my BFF is recommending this man to me. He seemed pretty “normal” to begin with. He was traveling, so we texted a bit. Then he called me to chat and set up a date for his return. All VERY NORMAL. But…he asked me some questions that I thought were a bit odd, but he seemed like he had some standards, so I played along. What kind of perfume do I wear? How high a heel do I wear? Do I get regular mani/pedis? Do I have extensions? Do I have any visible tattoos? Again, a little odd, but since he was more mature, I went with it. He also gave me a psychological test that I didn’t know about - What’s your favorite animal, What’s your favorite item of clothing, What’s your favorite body of water. It’ how you see yourself, how others see you and what you’re like sexually. Whatever.

We went out to dinner. He picked me up. He paid. He was interesting. Our date lasted 6 hours. But red flags started immediately. After the first date, he continued to text and call me. But I couldn’t get a date on a weekend night. Only a Tuesday or a Wednesday. I asked, but he said he was super busy and already had plans. He tested me constantly. It was like a quiz show about what music I knew, science, math, if I could drive a manual transmission, etc.

Ladies, it started getting weirder and weirder. He’d talk about his “things.” His Bentley, his Mercedes, his other cards and his 10,000 square foot house. Except, I couldn’t go to his house. He lives 1.5 miles away from me. He also wouldn’t tell me how old he was. Before we met, I asked, so you’re the same age as me? He said, yeah, a couple years older. RED FLAG! Turns out he was 57. That’s NOT a couple of years. I also asked him how many times he had been married (more on that later), but he said his ex-wife was a good person, they just couldn’t live together.

He started biting me and being more aggressive the longer we went out. I’d see him maybe once a week and even though he was “retired” I still couldn’t get a weekend date. He traveled quite a bit so sometimes I wouldn’t see him for 2-3 weeks. I wrote in my journal that this guy wasn’t right. I told myself that I needed to stop, but I didn’t! Cause he was a sociopathic manipulator. Whenever I’d complain or say I wasn’t comfortable, he’d spin in back on me. I’ll say again, I was in THERAPY! I talked about it with my therapist, we both knew it wasn’t healthy, but that I had to play it out until the end.

He did all the things TRP says to do. He called me “cute” exclusively. I could never be beautiful. He balked at opening my car door for me - he’d do it on occasion. He’d call me short all the time - I’m 5’4” average. He later started telling me that we need to be fair and equitable and that I needed to pay for things sometimes - this is the guy who has 6 cars! He told me I was needy when I wanted to go out on Friday or Saturday or be asked out more than the day before. I couldn’t act with any emotion at all or else I was reactive. I could only act like a robot. He bought me gifts, but not things that I wanted, things that he wanted to buy for me. He told me I was smart and that was sexy. That was my only compliment. He’d pull my hair, pinch me and poke me. He do little punishment cycles if I had any behavior he didn’t like. I told him he was negging me and he told me how DARE I and that we were having fun. Then he stopped talking to me for week or more.

Listen, I look good. I keep myself fit, I’m stylish and I have my own money. I am a catch and I definitely added value to being with him. I knew this.

I know, I know. Why didn’t I run?! I asked myself this constantly. I wanted companionship over being alone. All I can say is DON’T BE ME. I had to evaluate my attachment issues.

I did more research the longer it went on. I found a document online that was signed by HIS WIFE. I called him on it. WTF? He said that he was married on paper only and that if he got divorced it would cost him millions. Whatever. I told him that was a dealbreaker for me. I returned some gifts that he gave me and tried to end it. See what I said there, TRIED. I failed. He came back harder. He pretended that NOTHING HAD HAPPENED. I started getting those weekend dates. He started seeing me more and more. He met some of my friends. But he was APPALLING when we’d go out in public. He’d make inappropriate comments to female servers. He’d look every woman up and down when we were out. He said weird shit to my friends. Whenever I’d have a big event, he want my time right before as though I had nothing better to do.

How it ended: He came to my annual holiday party that I hosted with my BFF. He followed me around the party like a puppy, but I was busy entertaining, so I was with him when I could, but I introduced him to other people, too. I SAW him go to these two women that I didn’t know at least TWICE. You know how you just KNOW something is not right? I mentioned it, but he denied anything.

Fast forward a week later, he started some stupid fight with me, verbally attacked me and told me that I needed to think about my behavior. I found out from my BFF’s boyfriend that the woman I saw at the party had asked about him and said she had been texting with him everyday since the party. After that, I basically broke it off. There are other details that are still horrifying to me, but I finally went no contact.

I learned my lesson. I’m working on me. I will NEVER accept narcissistic/sociopathic behavior again from ANYONE. If I meet someone organically, it’s fine. If I don’t, my life is fine without a man. I will not be co-dependent. I will not be a Pickmeisha. I know what I bring to the table and I am definitely a Queen.

Thanks, FDS for letting me see my worth and what I should accept and that I’m not alone out here.