I've pretty much accepted the bad hand I've been dealt with in society. It could be 1000x worse. Being a man of color also gives you a lot of negative stereotypes you have to beat. Which I'm not surprised about since I see the way some of my people act. After the acceptance phase is the stage of just walking down the right path and noticing every little thing around you. Just how shallow relationships are and people are, how shitty people can be, how jealous people can be, how envious people can be, how people lose good opportunities, and how people try to one up each other. Now I know I made some dumb decisions, but hey, I'm still here and haven't killed myself. Have thought about suicide. There are no excuses I can make, but I will say this country has failed me and many men on the path they need to go on. Rarely revealing truth that a man must have to succeed. Failure is more setup for man than success.

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I watch anime, read manga, and am drawing one for a friend. I recently watched and read Berserk, and the thing I like about the main character the most (Guts) other than being a total badass, is he is always action oriented. Rarely telling you what he will do next. He is the true embodiment of actions speak louder than words. I think it is because he knows within moments, his life is a great danger, so he must act on protecting his life. A main character that rarely speaks, but can keep you interested in him by the swing of his sword. Of course that's all he ever did is live by the sword, but his character is much more than that.

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I'm just ranting, but I see the bullshit; it's hard to accept it. Why accept mediocrity? I can only be content with mediocrity. The other day, my band was in the studio. We were given 4 free hours of recording time, and before this, we were also given $150 from a sponsor for 2 hours of recording. So really that's 6 hours of free recording time. We have 2 hours left now and wasted 4 hours of it. We also wasted our sponsors money. This is mediocrity and failing to seize the opportunity. I have a recording equipment to record myself and we haven't even used it so that when we go to a real studio, we will know what to do. I'm honestly looking forward to leaving the band, it's a deadend as I see it right now.

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And with women? Hard to accept mediocrity in them as well. They'll go with who they want and will push hard, cause I've seen it. I want them to be more than commodities, but they've sucken themselves to that low. Might as well forget about it.

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After the acceptance phase, is the bullshit protection plan. Sign me up.