These days I have merciful little contact with women. When I do, I am increasingly irritated by them. Today I was at a funeral of a distant aunt of mine. About 60 people in church. Every single man present, including boys, tried to behave with dignity and respect for those in sadness. Quite a few of the ladies present were insufferable.

  • Crazy bitch 1: Holding a baby that screams loudly throughout the service. Why do you think your right to be there is more important than the right of everyone else to a quiet and peaceful sermon? I don't even know who you are, definitely not a close relative. Just take your baby and go for a walk outside, like very man would have done at the first screams.

  • Crazy bitch 2: You clearly fancy yourself a great singer. But your attempts to sing loud, improvised lines over everyone else during every of the hymns did not quite work. You sounded like you were a howling dog, and not in a good way. Even if your husband is too weak to point this out, the many irritated glances at you should have given you a clue.

  • Crazy bitch 3: Please get off your phone while in church at a funeral, thank you very much. I know you are bored. At least if you can't help it, don't sit in the first row. Some people here try to reflect the mystery of life and death, your selfie shooting does not help that.

  • Crazy bitch 4: You are post wall and single, and you think that showing what a good Christian girl you are is your best card at this point. But when kneeling in tearful prayer, please do it so as to not block the aisle during communion. People were stumbling around you. Just pathetic.

Lesson of the day: I will give a men's order a big donation to hold a strict men only funeral for me when my time comes.