I need to get this off my chest, so here goes.

There was a time when just being around a naked woman was a thrill to me. The idea of having sex gave me a hard on, and actually having sex was exciting in and of itself.

I've used hookers from time to time. In my 20's it was some kind of hack. Before going out on a Friday, visit a stunning super high class hooker. After that go out and all the AWALTS look average and boring in comparison. I recall I used to smirk knowing that no matter what was out there that evening, I had already had better.

In my 30's I occasionally visited the odd hooker here and there too. Not ever out of sheer desperation for sex. To give you an analogy, in real life I might be able to afford a Honda, but it's also possible to rent a Porche for a day (I've never done this). For one day (every so often) you get to experience cars the way they were meant to be. So it's the same for me with hookers, out in the wild, I don't stand much of a chance of attracting "cover of magazine" hot women. But actually enjoying sex and having admiration for the female form - I can honestly say I've slept with women who are among the most attractive this planet has to offer.

Make no mistake there's been bad experiences too along the way. Dogs who have lied about their appearance and used fake pics. Women of questionable character and drug addicts.

I'm now 41. At this age sex isn't just about sticking it in and trying to cum as fast as possible. Sex too isn't so much about exploration. I've done all that. There's nothing new you can teach me about sex, and this comes from confidence, not arrogance. I know exactly what I like and what I don't like.

Porn also got better over the years. 4k classy porn came out, and this year porn that actually tries to engage you on some emotional level is emerging -> That cheesy 1/2 assed attempt at acting is no longer that excusable. Pornhub also has a new category called "real orgasms". Yeah the bar is pretty high. And when you're used to seeing 9/10 porn models in really excellent condition, your expectations kind of rise when you're paying for sex.

But for the love of all things good, my experience tonight was horrendous, and I'll get to that in a minute but first....

After say 5-6 visits I already developed this classification system of hookers. There were good ones (or good experiences) and then there were LEMONS.

A lemon is a really frugal kind of hooker. She's basically the opposite of a good GFE (Girlfriend experience) . Lemons aren't that easy to detect. But once you've paid and in bed with them, it sometimes only takes a few seconds to realize you have a lemon. Maybe it's when you try to touch her tits and she says "No touching". Maybe it's just her general attitude or the way she tries to control everything like you're a number and she has more left to service later that evening.

Yeah I've had my fair share of lemons and I hate that feeling when you're minutes in and acknowledge to yourself "Ok a lemon" and you try to make the most of it. Making the most of it in my 20's used to mean at least having an orgasm. I would shrug it off, and say "You win some and you lose some". I would tell myself, that's all part of this business and next time who knows.

And let me tell you something else, it's a truly remarkable feeling when after a few minutes, you're with one who not only is not a lemon, but is giving you a truly intimate experience indistinguishable from real sex, and you leave feeling like that was single handedly the best sex you've ever had. Yeah there were some remarkable times too. Like actually giving her an orgasm, and I mean a verifiable real one. Or when afterwards she's in no hurry, and you're just lying there, and she's holding you. Until you realize at some stage you will need to go and this isn't real. Things did get personal for me at least on 2 occasions. I met up with one off the clock and took her out and the next day we went to the zoo. On another occasion once gave me her phone number and asked me if I wanted to hang out sometime.

But none of this matters anymore, because the LEMON to "Fuck me that was amazing" ratio simply isn't working in my favor. Basically I got spoilt along the way and now unless the visit feels somewhat like a date, and unless she's super gorgeous, and intelligent with some class - So can hold eye contact and seems to speak with her eyes, etc. Unless it feels like you're Tom Cruise fucking Nicole Kidman, I'm simply not that desperate for sex.

Forget trying to finish. I can't even get hard for a LEMON these days.

Ok so I see this amazing profile of a call girl. 24 super hot pics. Get there and right off the bat I should have just left. She's not as hot as the pictures. Immediately asks me for the money. I give it to her. There's no small talk or sexy strip or nothing. She almost immediately goes for a condom, and asks me "Do you want it without the condom, that's extra". I'm assuming she's talking about the blow job I'm about to get but my mind is already starting to realize this is a LEMON. Without much hesitation she's already giving the worlds worse blow job. I've literally just walked in the door. I can't even get hard. I'm not super soft after this so she positions herself with her ass facing me, in such a way to offer doggy style. But also in such a way that there's no real visuals and her tits and stuff seem to be guarded.

After a few minutes of this, I realize this absolutely isn't doing it for me. My mind racing to find a solution for this LEMON. Yeah I've walked out on 2 before too (also fairly recently, leading up to this post). But having anal sex might actually do it. Because I haven't had that in years. Well she says it's possible for more money. So I give her basically double rate. Close to what I paid for this "hour".

Only thing is I'm still not hard, I try to put it in and can't. She offers to give me a hand job to get hard. Well again the absolute worse hand job I've ever had. Mechanical, and that's when I noticed this look in her eyes. Just this kind of look like clearly she hates doing this. I try to touch her tits, thinking maybe that would help "No touching". I put my hand on her neck. She says "No". So now I'm looking at her mechanically jerking me off, and I'm also thinking this woman doesn't have a fucking clue.

So after her failed hand job, I'm like ok I'll try anal again. She's like "No sorry you had your try, time to finish up". 20 minutes in, and at double rate. I tell her you're the worst I've ever had and what did I even pay you for? She says for "sex" to which I reply well we didn't really have sex.

So that's it. I guess I might change my mind if I can find a way to secure pure class GFE, but the risk of having yet another LEMON means for now I'm out.

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