i am struggling with my borderline personality diagnosis. I know that there was something wrong but i have always felt that the problems lie with a lot of people around me. All my friends who bend their morals for random women and all the women who manipulate and cheat you. I am really sad as there are various things given online about how to reject and leave people with BPD as they are manipulative and fake empathy etc.

Let me give you an example. My ex used to talk to her ex everyday and i found that abnormal but as i stated this, she called me a psycho and said that i had issues and he was just a good friend. Then one day she asked me if i had fisted any girl. I said no and then asked her if she had done anything kinky and she started telling me about her ex. I felt my chest sink which is normal and i left but then again, all these things were considered to be normal on her part. I have been accused of letting my friends go on several occasions even when i have stood up for them whenever they needed me, making them stay at my place for a month and not asking for any money from them and teaching them stuff a day before the exams but when i didnt have a place to stay for 2 days noone helped me out. Furthermore, they were a huge financial and emotional burden on me too.

An example of this is; a friend of mine stayed at mine for 5 days and went yesterday. He had his graduation party yesterday and i didnt go there as i was sick and was on the bed for 5 days. Instead of thanking me for hosting him and not sleeping till he was back, he shouted at me and left in the morning without saying thank you.

A few days ago, some complete asshole friends of mine were with me at a party. We all called a taxi and i went downstairs to smoke. When i come back, one of our girl friends gets hysterical and starts shouting at me for going downstairs as she had to cancel the cab and pay 10 euros. I offer to pay her back and start laughing as she was shouting like a mad person. A random guy threatens that he would punch me in the face if i didnt stop laughing and say sorry to the girl he barely knew lmao. I said that i would do whatever the fuck i wanted and would laugh whenever i wanted. My best friend steps forward and says that its not about the money and its about the morals. I did apologize the next day but its funny how my best friend got mad at me for pissing off a girl. I called him out on this too and insulted the fuck out of him and he couldn't do a thing. He wanted to throw some punches but i just held him back. The next day the entire group boycotts me and never talks to me. I apologise and have this feeling of revenge and anger towards them, which my doc says is common with people who have BPD lol. I dont think i did anything wrong but hey.

Also, i have been tired of women no being able to take care of themselves in the clubs. They get shitfaced, make out with me and i dont even know that they have boyfriends. Their boyfriends then show up randomly and start a fight.

Honestly, i am a naturally empathetic person and feel that dogs and cats are way better than humans. I hate the morally stunted people who call me a borderline and a psychopath but on the other hand feel like they can do anything they please, especially women.

However, i do have fear of abandonment and i am very sensitive and care for the poor and try to help them out and volunteer for dogs and make food for them. I do have extreme sadness and suicidal tendencies at times but people always take advantage of my weakness. People will tell me that others are not out to get me but i have trusted in so many people and they have all betrayed me bar a few. Maybe they smell weakness. Unfortunately, i have seen good looking people getting away with everything but when average looking people like me feel any particular way, we are considered to be mentally ill. It is not OK anymore to be possessive about your gf. It is not OK to ask for help. It is not OK to approach women if you are not in the top 5 percent. It is not OK to be emotional and sensitive. Help people out and it is your duty or you are doing it for yourself but ask for help and the world doesnt owe you anything. Be an average looking male and women don't owe you anything but if its a fat girl, you will be a bad person for not wanting to date her.

Also, my ex used to tell me that she was going to meet her ex while we were dating but when i was not happy with this behaviour i was called a jealous freak.