I have been following you guys from the outside. Now that this (what I am about to state in this post) has happened, I want to be a part of it.

I've been seeing this girl the last few months. She's older than me, 35F, 28M (me). She has helped me through unarguably the toughest time of my life. She kept me happy when I didn't even realize how down I was. Anyway, the last three weekends we've seen each other, she's been getting messages from other guys on her phone that I noticed. She gave me some excuse which I (now retrospectively) stupidly bought. Just a couple days ago, she went out with her friend and did not text me the whole night. I was fucking furious. Saturday, we were supposed to see each other and we ended up not seeing each other. We barely saw each other yesterday and I thougth we were going to reconcile.

Today rolls around and I just feel so insecure, like, "she's not texting me so who is she texting? She usually tells me where she's going for lunch but today she said it's to "the store", is it really?" Shit like that. She promised me she would call me later to talk about all this... that was four hours ago. No call. In my mind, it's over. I'm about to go to sleep but I just can't. My whole body is shaking. I am in so much pain. I don't even have a word to describe it. I want to cry, but I don't even have the energy for tears. I feel like I am back in that dark place again

tl;dr: Girl probably cheating on me. Doesn't call after promising she will. Relationship likely over. I feel sad. I want to separate myself from these emotions on a permanent basis