Not sure if this is a FR but it seems fitting.

I’m 45, divorced, been MGTOWish for three years now. Being of an older gen I still have a lot of brainwashing to undo. I went monk for awhile but realized I had not fully prepped myself for such loneliness. It is truly a test for iron wills only. Needless to say I succumbed to hold habits and went on dating sites again. I had convinced myself that I was stronger and in a better place and ready to let go of the “negativity” about women and honestly try to start again, wary and on-guard but not fully embittered.

Met one woman who seemed decent and despite a few red flags was determined to try and be “realistic” and “fair” and realize I’m not perfect either.

I’ll spare you the boring details and sum it up by saying that being alone is better than dealing with this shit. I don’t even blame the woman. Women are going to women. The problem lies with me. I tried to do a lot of MGTOW work and fix my mindset, strengthen my independence and simply avoid women as much as possible. But my backstory is heavy with abandonment and isolation issues so needing human contact will always be my weakness. Plus I’m trying to rebuild my life after a career-ending injury and decided that this new mindset wouldn’t be complete unless I tried to forge a new attitude to women. All mistakes. All weaknesses on my behalf. Perhaps the saddest realization was how little interest I have in sex. I honestly find it a chore and slightly distasteful.

I wasn’t expecting a unicorn but to see how little it matters by changing my attitude was a ball breaker. No attitude change or new outlook can stop the hamstering. The inability of men and women to speak the same language. See the world the same way. I left my monk-lite life to venture back out and realized nothing changed. Not exactly a revelation but a kick in the face nonetheless. Especially after working on yourself for awhile and thinking things will be different.

My thesis point: If you’re going monk or even intro MGTOW beware of the fallback rate and be extra careful about a false flight into health. Loneliness is the killer. And sex is very overrated.