Getting over External Validation

DangZagnut · 2019-02-25T06:55:49+00:00

Work on confidence building tasks. Like cooking a perfect meal for yourself, or running a marathon, or learning a language.

Something you accomplish entirely on your own.

tramese · 2019-02-25T06:57:29+00:00

practice ignoring.

pepe_the_third · 2019-02-25T07:02:32+00:00

It won't happen overnight, but you're on the right track. The data you'll see and the stories you'll hear on the manosphere will turn you into an ice cold misanthrope in a few years.

Tercalerc · 2019-02-25T06:51:06+00:00

Meditation is one way. Just sayin

DT1726 · 2019-02-25T07:04:25+00:00

Meditation and repeat this phrase 1000 times a day:

"I don't need your love, I love what I want"

Make it your 90 days challenge.

Mchooofer · 2019-02-25T08:14:20+00:00

Yes, stop taking your thoughts serious. Rest your attention on awareness. A side bonus; you become happy for no reason after your awareness starts deepening.

PressNeinForGerman · 2019-02-25T16:35:45+00:00

Isolation.

If you're extroverted this is going to be pretty damn hard for you, but if you're introverted then all you have to do is act upon your natural state.

The longer you go without interacting with other humans, the more you learn to live without their input. When the only dialog that is coming into your mind is your own, it starts to feel intrusive when others are around you dropping little things in your subconscious mind. The very Act of talking to people just gets fucking annoying after a while.

You really learn to respect yourself and a lot of that external validation need, will be gone. To what degree you want it to be gone his up to you because the only way I would imagine you can really get rid of it completely is to go ghost from society. You have to find a happy medium that works for you.

I'm at the level right now where I almost try to piss people off because I enjoy distancing myself from them. It's a lot like a defense mechanism for my inner monologue's contentment.

I've noticed now that when I'm around people for too long, I start to get hostile and pissy. I go into defense mode and have to retreat from society. The bright side to it? I really don't give a fuck what people think and we'll go to the extent of pissing them off to a very Primal level without it bothering me the least bit.

Chad_Thunderfist · 2019-02-25T14:43:50+00:00

Honestly, I was in the same position as you. I didn't realize how....ingrained it was until I (basically) had a mental breakdown about it.

For me, I realized that a combination of Lexapro, talking to people, and truly thinking "what makes ME happy?" is what did it. Now, by-and-large my opinion on others is "fuck them, they're not me and I don't care about them" and i'm doing this for myself.

It isn't easy; at the beginning, it's the hardest thing to do, because you're fighting instinct, programming, society, and what you perceive to be what you WANT versus what you NEED (trust me, I understand how hard that last aspect is).

I'll tell you know though, that once you get started--although challenging in the beginning--it gets much easier when you stop caring, and stop seeking that external validation. It's probably the most freeing feeling I've ever experienced, and I know many others here will say the same thing lol.

Big thing I can say, is this: start small, take it one step at a time, and don't "over-rev"--meaning go 0-90mph. As military guy specifically, that part was VERY challenging not to do: this matters because you have to slowly come to terms with it. Any drastic action WILL mean that you'll think it a problem, and try and revert back to the external validation-seeking.

Good luck, and if you need to talk about it, i'm always here to help :) It gives me incredible satisfaction and happiness to know that there's others out there that are seeking to break the mold, and that I'm not the only one who's been fucked over in life.

It isn't easy: the blue pill stage, to red pill, to (possibly) black pill, then MGTOW. But it IS necessary, and when you finally hit that last stage, you'll finally get the happiness, clarity and perspective you're looking for :)

redshieldheroz · 2019-02-25T16:43:53+00:00

Stoism. Females are just mere speck of atom in the cosmos such as us. Getting validation is not really eureka.

Title	Getting over External Validation
Author	Sharvin95
Upvotes	37
Comments	25
Date	February 25, 2019 6:47 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/aui626/getting_over_external_validation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/getting-over-external-validation.507991 https://theredarchive.com/post/507991

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