Long post incoming.

Tldr: How can I go my own way without divorcing my wife?

Im 31, so Im not old, but im not a spring chicken. Been married 10 years and have two elementary age kids. My wife and I have had a codependant marriage and sometimes it has gotten really rough. She is the breadwinner. I have done everything I can to support her in her goals and make her life happen. Because of this. My life and goals have suffered.

I am unemployed, and addicted to the financial support she provides. We use the term stay at home dad to describe me, and she often praises me for how great I am with the kids. But deep down I feel like a bitch for not having my own shit together. I feel like a failure as a father for not being an example of what a real man can be.

Our sex life is shit. I struggle with a porn addiction. And after the kids were born her sex drive dropped. Maybe once a month, maybe. We have been through a lot together due to this. Her hormones have fluctuated insanely, whether she was on birth control, pregnant, had an IUD, we had a misscarriage, she is off all birth control now, because after the misscarriage, I got the snip. Recently I have grown so tired with not being wanted, with always having to basically beg until I am pity fucked once a month, that I have stopped being sexual toward her at all. I still tell her she is beautiful, cute, amazing, etc... but I no longer use the words hot, sexy, or imply I want to have sex with her. If she wants to have sex I will wait for her to ask me for it. I am not going to put myself down anymore by asking her if she is in the mood, or what my chances are tonight. Im done with being turned down all the time, so I am just not going to ask anymore.

I love her. And she really is my best friend. But I feel that I have put her future first and let mine crumble. And I have reached a point in our sex life where I am tired of always having to beg for sex, so I stopped. How do I get my life on track. We married so young and were each others firsts. I dont know anything besides her and sure it might partly be fear of the unkown that is keeping me from walking away and being my own man, but its also the kids. I was raised in a divorced home and I cant do that to my kids. Our marriage isnt bad to the point that there is fighting or yelling all the time, its just not one that supports me in my wants or needs.

So how do I change that? How do I get my shit together and make sure that I can do what I need to be a man without leaving her and splitting up my family?