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I don't speak of this often but recently I realized that it's ok to ask for help. Even if that help is offered in the form of listening.

I've been living with antisocial-personality disorder(some call it sociopathy) and pervasive personality disorder since I was fairly young and the symptoms have only ramped up with time. I am certain that I developed these disorders out of the chaotic family life that my brothers and I were subjected to as children. And I'm not sure any of it can be undone.

Relationships and keeping a job have always been difficult for me, I'm 22 and have only held about 3 jobs my entire adult life. I could make friends but I could not keep friends because the more I would hang out with people, the less I could resist being myself, and my behavior often scared or seemed too strange to them. So many opportunities I have missed out on and completely avoided because I don't entirely know how to be around others. I never feel more alien than when I am surrounded by people, known or unknown.

Because of the way I am, I have created a very weird existence for myself and not on purpose. The last job I had, I messed up in a bad way and I didn't know my actions/behavior were considered wrong until people told me. I had no idea, it felt like I was being controlled by myself but not myself at the same time. I don't really trust anyone else to understand besides you guys. I do have other brothers but I don't want to burden them out of fear of pushing them further away.

At the time of writing, I have given up on conventional employment means. No more jobs, I have to look into going into work for myself and failure is not an option. I have to see to it that I enjoy a good life because if nothing else, I deserve that. We all do.