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Hello to ya’ll from new member 171,920. This will be something of a “how I got here” post. Commiseration for long timers, encouragement to non-members and hopefully validation for both. Very much falls into the “its not just you category.” I’ve been reading this page since around 70K members, maybe earlier. Assume every number is +/- 20%, I don’t keep exact track.

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I’ve known something was wrong for some fifteen years now. Its not that I didn’t believe the root causes exactly. My perspective is always a bit askew of the norm or even the leading conspiracy theory. As it applies to this, I’ve never been a sheep-fu%\^er, so the dating pool has always been very thin in the first place. (That means just because its warm, soft and wooly, it doesn’t mean I’m going stick my Johnson in it.) I just thought society as whole was getting worse. Nope, just half of it. Turns out ya’ll are totally right on nose though, the big bright red clown nose.

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Revelation 1: I’ve had 2/4 serious exes show back up looking for me. One heavyset, no visible income (meaning everyone the U.S. reading this is paying for her), with a special needs kid and a drug problem. I assume the last two are related. The other very, very, very heavyset, with no interest in doing anything to change it, only increase it as well as the now standard STI. Well internally, even pre-redpill there is no fucking way I’m taking any of that bait, but I did hang out with both of them, initially out of morbid curiosity or maybe and a little shadenfreude. All I really learned is they have nothing to offer. Never did. I can talk for hour(s) about a wide range of subjects from science to art. Eventually after I leave a long pause all I get is, “someone you don’t know and I barely know had a baby or you have watched Shameless, its really good.” Nothing. They got nothing. I read a brief internet synopsis of the final episode of this seasons Bachelorette and I died a little inside, like I felt my life span shorten by two years.

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Revelation 2: I had these three friends at work, all a lot like me, standup guys, nobody batting out of their league, in fact, all probably with better social skills. All with above average jobs for the region, all married with kids. One right after another within 4 months, bam, bam, bam. Wife is hiding her cell phone. Shocker. Other dude(s). In one case his happened within three months of having twins. She blamed post-partum depression. Anyway, these are just the guys I can verify aren’t dicks. That isn’t counting all the guys I don’t have an opinion about with the same story.

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Revelation 3: About this time I decide I might like to meet someone and um… I hate to say lower my standards... But uh… well I would never say it out load like that… just more open to possibilities. So I go on an asking out binge. Another thing about me. I’m very perceptive. I always know when something is off, just not always why. So 50/50 get turned down, 100% might as well have been, but here’s the thing, they all kind of had the same look. More on this later*.

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I run in the same circles, so I know who they ended up shacking up with. Not that I solicited this information, but I know a couple of gossips, so I didn’t even have to ask.

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Chick #1: Tries to cuckold me on the third date after we had a “moment” where she pulls me aside and explains that his is “getting serious etc…” Normally I would assume you would know that I dropped her like Chernobyl grown potato, but after reading some of the posts on here, sigh… I feel obligated to mention I that I did drop her like a Chernobyl grown potato. Ends up with a guy that she bitches about being alcoholic. Has baby he doesn’t want. Keeps standing too close to me at work, like only when I’m in the room where her husband could walk in at any moment and not at any other time. I’m pretty fast so I don’t think that ever happened. Gets kicked out by her husband. Rapidly gets knocked up by another guy at the same workplace. Riles up a white night and tries to claim I’m messing with her shift preference in a public work meeting. Um… There is no shift preference. Dude that is already working the job just hasn’t filed his paperwork to switch her shifts as a favor, paperwork that I’ve reminded him umpteen times needs to be filed, before HR will acknowledge the change. Fortunately she just looks foolish for the few in the know, including her white knight and just confuses everyone else.

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Chick#2: Acts enthused, cancels, offers up another plan of her own accord, Both times, last minute, like I’m headed to the car, “can’t make it, sick kid”. Ends up with a known wife beater. (Not to get into detail, I’m not white-knighting, but I do have first hand knowledge that its true, and I know the type from personal experience.)

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Chick #3: declines politely, ends up with an on again/off again heroin user that she complains about publicly.

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Chick #4, kind of a random ask out, very recently divorced, her husband was cheating on her: Declines politely enough, already with somebody. Ok this was my fault. I knew better, someone put me up to it. She was banging her boss. Apparently she was the one cheating. She broke it off with her boss because he shared some of her intimate, yet tasteful cellphone related photography with other people. Side note. Apparently, even if it is company property, your IT department will not hack the phone without a subpoena even if the company president asks. Surprising. I wouldn’t have thought it would go down like that.

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Chick #5: Wasn’t going to ask her out, but it relates, I know her well enough. Technically if I’d met her before the wall… She’s living with a guy like 10 years younger. Stand up guy. I like him. She comes in all proudly proclaiming “I broke up with him,” all ranting about how boring he is. He has a technical hobby, one that kids actually like to participate in, her kids, not his. Trying not to be specific. Anyway the most interesting thing I’ve ever heard her bring up is she’s into those “talk to the dead” psychics. Does anybody know anybody whose name starts with the letter T? Yes, those paragons of mystical arts.

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Chick #6. Wasn’t going to ask her out, but it relates, I knew her well enough. Totally hot and probably wall resilient. Pulling out all the stops to adopt Chinese a baby since her and her husband have had trouble conceiving. Having an emotional affair with a guy at work, literally she’s in tears because she’s torn. I mean he’s personable enough and will give you the shirt off his back, I know him well enough too, but his wife already has him living in the garage because of the non-stop, by the literal bottle, drinking. Probably not a good investment, unless you like sleeping in a car, in a garage. Fuck, he’s Ricky from Trailer Park Boys.

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So I’m watching Hulu one night and there is this commercial for Eharmony. Some attentive well kept guy is out to diner with this chick in this fancy restaurant. She‘s buried in her cell phone, not acknowledging his conversation attempts. Then a literal clown walks by with squeaky shoes and the floppy lope. She drops her phone, turns her head admiringly, “who is that,” and makes a mad groupie dash after him. Huh. That looks familiar. Its not just me. Its not just you.

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On more than one occasion, either as a letdown or as a breakup, I’ve been told “you are too good for me.” Like it’s too much responsibility or too much work. One of my friend girls, on an unrelated to me, but related to this topic conversation slipped up and acknowledged that girls don’t want to screw over a decent guy so… * That’s the look. I get it now. They have no interest in a decent guy until the wall hits. What’s weird is they think we will take them in afterwards. So that look I’m getting is why couldn’t you ask me out seven years and two children from now. My, my, have they got this all backwards. Who told them that this was a good plan? I mean I don’t mind getting out-competed, but this like getting out-random-ed. Yeah, we don’t even have a word for this.

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Revelation #4: My sister calls me up in tears one night, completely unsolicited. I don’t talk to her about anything personal, because I will hear it an hour later from someone else.

That’s not an exaggeration, just the historical mean time.

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Former Sister: Anyway… “Why are you all alone? Just tell me… You can talk to me.

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Me: Um… What brought this on?

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Former Sister: [Emotion in her voice ramping up.] I just mean you don’t date. You

don’t have anybody and you should have kids.

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Me: Um… It’s ok, I’ll be fine. It’s not like I won’t date. Someone will come along.

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Former Sister: I don’t want to upset you, but its ok, [dramatic pause] you can tell me if you’re gay.

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Me: Sigh… Not gay. [Side note. I’m pretty vocal with my unpopular opinions. It should be obvious to anybody that if I were gay, I would have brought it up by now. In fact you probably would have had to shut me up about it].

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Me: I just don’t run into anybody I’m interested in. [Like I’m going to tell this amateur Jerry Springer wannabe gossip what I wrote above. Not a fu%\^ing chance in hell. She had her chance to be my confidant over the years and blew it umpteen times].

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Former Sister: (crazy emotional and openly crying to the point of taking deep sobbing breaths between words). You have to tell me.

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Me: Are you ok, ‘cause…? What brought this on?

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[This back and forth went on a bit longer. I’ll spare you more of the same.]

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Former Sister: You are GOING TO DIE ALONE.

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Me: (wow). (To be clear she was trying to be sympathetic, not intentionally mean, but I’m looking at it as reckless homicide). [Click].

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If you’ve every watched Louis CK Se01Ep13 “A Night Out”. It was exactly like the babysitter scene at the beginning. Its not just me. Its not just you.

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See my sister took a college class or two in psychology so she thinks she knows something. I took my psychology class from a very early age in the school of hard knocks, literally (see below). So what really galls me is that… This is how you would drive someone in a precarious position over the edge, not help them. Reckless Homicide.

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Later I try and work it out with her. I do think family as a concept is like crazy important.

That’s how decent citizens are made. Decent citizens band together and stop unpleasant things like war, pillaging by barbarians and famine and such.

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Conversation goes like this…

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Me: I would like to talk about what the conversation you tried to have the other day.

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Former Sister: [An unmistakably SMUG grin opens up on her face].

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Me: (I realize she is just here to play psychiatrist, not be one. Her dark side involves an Ivory Tower. She thinks I have something to give in about. I was just trying to maintain a pleasant truce. Ok. Be yourself, be productive, stay on task). You wanted talk with me the other night. As we’ve discussed before I don’t have a lot of trust sharing personal information with you. If you will swear to not share what I am about to say with others we can start working through some of our issues step by step. I recount a time when I told you something and within fifteen minutes someone felt the need to call my wife and told her you were telling people. (I wasn’t embarrassed, it wasn’t about me, but it embarrassed a third party. I mean they kind of deserved it, but I wasn’t sure if it was true so I was basically asking her for someone’s character reference. She worked at a carryout. This is the kind of thing that just doesn’t occur to me, because the thought of it is appalling to me. You know how much gossip you can receive and spread at the local small town carryout, metric shit tons, like on the level of tonnage that China orders soybeans from the Midwest). You never apologized. I need you to acknowledge this will not be a repeat incident.

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Former Sister: You know I had it just as bad as you did.

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Me: (I can’t believe she is going to say what she is about to say, in particular since it doesn’t pertain to the conversation in any way, and it’s never been discussed, nor did it need to be, but there is only one thing that could be about?) Go on.

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Former Sister: With Dad. I had it just as bad as you did.

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Me: Kind of an abrupt change in topic. Um… for the record, I would never had said you didn’t, but since you brought it up, I’m pretty sure you didn’t. I’m sure it sucked for you to. You were ignored and hid in your bedroom, as you should have done, you were younger, while our mother, a grown ass woman, stood by and let me fight with him. I was the one was tugged back and forth. I would have given my eye teeth to be left alone. Pretty sure if we’re keeping score I’m going to win that one. [This went on from age eight to eighteen and was mostly verbal, but certainly not only.] I don’t know exactly what is going on here, but unless you want to go back to the original topic and work this out one by one I think you should go. Why would you even bring that up? In what way does that relate to this?

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Former Sister: You are an A$$HOLE. [leaves.]

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Revelation #4 cont…

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It was then that I had this flashback. So this one is kind of retroactive, but after the above situation, kind of went from being a long past blip on the radar to a record of an event. Here’s the thing. I’ve been pretty supportive of my mom. Aside from one incident when I was like twelve? I showed up in public with her when I don’t see any of my other classmates doing it. I help out a few other people that she unnecessarily volunteers me to. I spent my childhood trying out psychoanalyze the very intelligent, often demeaning, verbally vicious and occasionally psychotically violent guy that she’s banging (my actual and only dad) for the sake of the family.

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As a late blooming sixteen year old, I don’t bang the one chick who throws herself at me. All because my dad cheated with her mom back in the day, a rare confession he shared. He was also concerned that we might randomly hook up. It came with the, “you have a car now and that’s a big responsibility speech”. Though it turned out to be a good call, I’m pretty sure he was just humble bragging. (Side note: Totally not my half sister. I know her dad. Good guy. They look just like each other. Much of this is written from a pre-redpill perspective. Because I’m sharing how I got here. Now that I have the redpill perspective, I now know the chick only wanted to bang me because her mom banged my dad. She was totally good to go. She was like only girl I know that had a visible Norplant stick in her arm. I know because I kept an eye out for them afterwards.)

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Anyway, back on task. My mom has this tendency to embarrass me by going off on what she sees as some sort of comedic routine by embarrassing me in public. Frankly it was usually harmless, random and infrequent, so I usually just explained to her once a year that it wasn’t appropriate and explained that she was cutting my nuts off in public, not cool. Stupid shit I can let pass like calling one of my friends mom asking where I was at because I had been out all night and oh like he’s never out all night. And then I gotta take shit from my buddies. Stupid but not big. But its this little giggle/smirk she would give me before fake apologizing that always kind of stuck with me as… not right.

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So one day I bring home this chick to my parents. The only one I still might call “the one that got away” as opposed to “thank Christ I dodged that fragmentation grenade”, that all the others came to be known as. We’re having a perfectly pleasant dinner when mom, who hasn’t said jack about anything all night, like its the funniest thing she just remembered, hurried to swallow her food, smacks the table repeatedly in excitement, and breaks in “You should hear this, a couple of months back he asked this girl out that I know. She didn’t want anything to do with him.” My mom, the chick of whom I share half my genetic material, laughs like the fifth grade bully, no check that, maniacally like the Joker. I know it wasn’t just me, because my dad’s jaw dropped and my sister almost coughed up her water, eye’s raised and totally appalled in shock. One of them, I think my dad, rapidly recovered by bringing up an unrelated conversation topic. My mom sat there smiling, not sure what she had done wrong but seeing everybody’s faces, managed a petite sorry and went back to eating her food, still smiling and looking a little confused, like why didn’t everybody get that, huh. But that blip on the radar, now goes off like the rising pitch of a nuclear warning alarm.

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Now I get it. That is in no way even remotely normal or an accident. They all had a meeting behind our backs and they are going to fu%\^ us over every single chance they get.

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I gotta be honest. I didn’t really accept it until I flagged this weirdness in my own seemingly normal mother and sister. Former mother and former sister, I left. They had multiple chances to treat me like a human being instead of a random scripted character on their faux reality show. They weren’t interested. So be it. We don’t have contact anymore. That’s when I started searching the internet. Fact is one of my friends mentioned this red pill thing awhile back. He brought it up delicately. Because I thought exactly what a lot of people thought when they first heard about red pill concepts. Seems kind of angry and non-egalitarian. Not sure that’s a path that I want to go down. I mean I get it he’s short. I’ve seen the shit he’s had to deal with from women. Apparently he just had to deal with it first. (He’s doing great now. This shit works.)

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Its not just me, it’s not just you.

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A couple of years before I realized there was a problem, a not that much older lady, once asked me, what is wrong between women and men these days”? . All the younger women, cleaning ladies at a hotel, were getting divorces. I wanted to say something like, well up these minimum wage earning part-timers won’t have to slave away in a factory or lumberyard. They’ll just collect child support to make up the difference and still get laid because that’s not expected of them. Meanwhile their poor schmuck of husband, despite having a full time job, won’t have the money to be a good provider to a second wife so he’s up the creek with out a paddle, still working over forty hours a week. Situations reversed, you wanna say I’d make the same call. You’re wrong. Stay at home dad, work out, cook, read to the little one. I would take that gig in a heart beat. Go ahead google how many women doctors married down. That was my pre-red pill thinking. Not as refined, but it was there and it was obvious. Did I bother to explain it to her, no, because if you have to explain it, they wouldn’t understand the answer anyway.

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I was already familiar with the stoics. I needed it growing up. I’ve already passed on Kipling’s, “IF,” to a few fatherless children. I didn’t search the Red Pill or MGTOW. Started with why are things so fu%\^ed up between males and females. I think the first thing of relevance I ran across was the Misandry Bubble. That’s still as close as one size fits all synopsis as I’ve found. Ok, yeah, that rapidly went from hypothesis to tested theory.

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This started off as a share, but I guess I do have something to say.

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I mean I’m very much a male mammal and I like vagina. Its kind of like my favorite place to be. Do you realize what an absolute dick you have to be to ruin vagina?

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What the fucking… fuck?