Someone suggested I do this so, fuck it, thought I'd give it a shot.

I'm in my second week of Monk. In this time, I have increased working days to 7 a week, the rest of the time is allocated to creative discovery through music, writing and living general life. Most importantly of all, this week I found my purpose, I found the goal.
For weeks I wondered around like an idiot, trying to figure out what my goal was, life the first month alone was unregimented and chaotic. I took up drinking, took up getting tattoed, directionless for one month, it was then time to go Monk.
For the first time in my life I feel I have been given purpose and while my purpose and my goal are two completely different things, one cannot exist without the other. The goal is to live in Canada, the Purpose of this decision is to rebuild the bridges that I burned during my past, right the wrongs of those who's life affected. I have carried this guilt, this embarrassment my entire life. Having this sense of purpose is an empowering and exciting feeling and it took solitude to realize this.

I admit I am often times lonely, I put this down to still being affected by my Oneitis, but for the most part, I actually prefer my own company. My goal is priority and I right now live by the mantra of "If I doesn't affect the goal it doesn't matter". It helps put the loneliness into context, it helps ground you to the thought that you are doing this for something better and it always makes for great conversation with the dog. Sometimes, this studio seem's like a prison though, maybe this is my prison for now. The Goal removes fear.

I have reduced my living standards to the almost absolute basic level, with some exceptions that still need to be worked on, I have given myself a grand goal of 1 year, but I want to do it in six months so living below my means for 6 months is worth it. My focus is razor sharp, I am focussed almost solely on the goal, it is becoming somewhat of an obsession which in turn is a good thing as I spend less time encapsulated in an endless stream of thoughts about my ex. After this time on my own, I have realized, even if she did come back, A: I wouldn't want her back and B: She affects the goal and I came to the conclusion that she was merely a stepping stone for greater things.

Sex and wanking - Big one for some of you boys. I have no interest for sex right now, sex affects the goal so I steer clear. I had a friend that developed the feels for me so I cut out her allotted social interaction time and stopped talking to her as her drama would have affected the goal. Which means, no more free tattoos...
If I wanna have a wank, I'll have a wank, but thats not often.

I still have sleeping troubles, I'm not drinking anymore and waking up at a decent time is still difficult but my night time routine is on fucking point. At 9:30pm I put my phone in the kitchen, I turn off all the white lights, make a joint and a tea and sit there listening to music and writing my journal. I write until my mind is clear. Then I go back to the start of my journal and re read it all before I sleep. Eating is difficult, I am still affected by my Oneitis but I am fasting now for 24 hours to try and reset my eating schedule.

Life has become the goal. I will only do something that I know will benefit me financially either now or in the near future, be it work, write, learn to play guitar, if I find myself with too much idle time, I write for the sake of writing, I write for the sake of reducing idle time. I am becoming a robot and I am glad because this I believe this is my time to make a permanent change on my life. Who cares if I disappear for 6 months to a year? It doesn't matter who fucking cares, the only thing that matters for now is that I care.