Thankfully I'm anonymous...

I had this friends with benefits relationship. I was a Chad. I was also unemployed during it and hardly ever spent money. Then I got a new job and had to move.

The relationship had serious BDsM overtones, but also a lot of boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, too. Sometimes I was a softy, other times I was a total asshole. On a side note, I'm certain women often like drama (to varying degrees). I never hid my views of women from her.

When I started distancing myself from her at first she got bitchy, then she became more submissive than she's ever been.

I knew what would happen, but how things happened just further confirmed all of the MGTOW/red pill knowledge I've gained over the years.

She was on her knees, and kissed my feet... I've never had anyone do that before. She begged me to not cut her out of my life (we were no-strings she said, beforehand. And this was a woman who said she felt no emotions during sex at a time when I was being a big ol' softy, acting like a beta).

Sometimes knowing so much about human nature is depressing.

When I was younger, I never would have expected this kind of behavior from women given social conditioning/the blue pill (it's not just her - she's just the most recent, starkest example). I was an asshole and a "loser", and she doted on me and was really generous. She wasn't a NAWALT, she was afraid (of being alone, of getting older, being rejected, etc.). It was so cliche.

A younger me would have expected her to have more self-respect. I was still hoping she would have self-respect, and to either be stronger, or weak enough to have started out more submissive/less bitchy.

I'm oddly depressed - I don't like being a heart-breaker, and kind of wish that the blue-pill world were the truth. I'd like women to be better, but I don't know how that's possible when they react so favorably to assholes/bad boys.

It's like when Barbarossaaaa's girl friend just wanted him to smack her. Then she said it was to test him to make sure he wasn't a little bitch. That's fucked up. The whole male/female dynamic is fucked up. Mother nature is a fucked up, amoral, kinky bitch. Bring on the robot uprising. Ha.

In the philosophical sense of the word, the red pill is absurd - it defies expectation, and the irrationality of nature is a driving force behind it all (insofar as natural law is independent of rationalization). My red pill experiences defy my blue pill acculturation and rationalizations (how the blue pill says the world ought to be).

The truth is absurd.

I'm still laughing, but this is like "the red pill [depression]" (like the 5 stages; denial, bargaining, anger, sadness, acceptance... stage 4 depression). Ha!

smh

I'm just going to go monk-mode for awhile.