During my friendship with this girl I felt cared for and experienced a deep bond unlike anything I've ever felt. We could share absolutely anything with each other. We greatly underestimated the chances of one of us wanting more. Which turned out to be me. The build up of emotions put a hell lot of pressure to do something about it and each time I made a move it was forced and not fun. Later on I realised that I wanted more from the start but I didn't want to face the truth. She knew I liked her and used the possibility of sex to get the companionship she wanted. I've never regretted anything so deep in my life before. I've realised guys and girls can't be friends even if their not attracted to each other because if one person displays masculine traits , the other will be polarized in the feminine polarity and sexual tension rises with or without your conscious decision. Ever since that day I kicked away all the girls I was friends with and committed to a path of knowing what I want and acting on it. However I've realised that the girl I was friends with was hooking up with my bestfriend behind my back during our companionship. I feel no anger towards anyone but lately I literally do not care about female life that is of no value to me. I watched a girl get harassed and nearly beaten by guys in town and watched with eyes of pure engaged enjoyment. Just because I don't accept female friendship doesn't mean I feel entitled to sex either. I'm constantly practicing pick up artistry to handle this area of my life but deep down I don't think I'll ever care for females the way I once did. Feels like a part of me died along with my old beliefs. Guess pain does transform people , I once was the romantic , still am but something's changed. I'm very open about my beliefs for example a girl tried to cock block me while I was talking to 3 girls last week. We ignored her and laughed at her. Then the girls felt sorry for her that she's drunk and alone in town and can potentially be in danger. The girls not being socially confident asked me to invite her over as I laugh in my reply " I don't care about her feelings or her safety, its not my job haha". I've never felt more liberated than I do now. Indeed I carry a great pain in my heart but at least I've seen the truth early. I'm only 21 and have learned under no circumstances is it even ok to be platonic friends with a girl. Allies are acceptable granted they know their place and have pledged their investment in a win-win agreement.