Life.

I'm 45 now keep in mind.

My father had no idea what to do with a boy. He worked hard - unfortunately he worked for a container shipping company, and the Australian RSL clubs when he was home. He was away about 9 months of the year.

The marriage to my mother lasted until I was 8. I will always remember the day my mother walked in and asked me "Do you think I should divorce your father?" Yes of an 8 year old. "Sure, if you want." I replied.

So they got divorced. My mother didn't ask for anything but a small amount of child support and got it. Around 2 years later my Father basically said he didn't want anything to do with me - I think this was because my mother was turning me against him, and I had probably said things or repeated things in his presence when he had me for a day or whatever.

When he did have me for the day, he basically sat in the pub with friends drinking and gave me money for the video arcade.

There was some sexual abuse by my mother around that age, but it didn't last long.

In the intervening years she became an alcoholic and started going from guy to guy. From about 10-16 the abuse was all mental and verbal and pretty severe.

My mother rings me when I was about 17, "You need to come because your Father is dying." I really didn't want to go, but did so because she asked me to - being the good son and all (don't ask me why). There he was laying on a hospital bed full of Morphine, he'd had 2 heart attacks and 3 strokes in 2 days, the doctors had removed both legs to try and keep the blood pressure going and avoid ganggreen. He died 2 days later.

He left everything he owned to the whore he'd been screwing at the time, I don't care about the money rather than the feelings that must've been behind the decision. The guy really didn't even know me, but knew he wanted me to have nothing of his. An interesting position to take.

I did poorly at school - found out later in life that I was better off teaching myself - I learn better with context - I think brilliantly with out of the box solutions and you need context for that. School doesn't give you any of that as they are trying to pump as much information and knowledge in as possible but you come out with very little understanding.

Long story short I fixed my education later, during which time I had a gf for a bit who was riding the cock carousel. I got her pregnant and she had an abortion.

Time to self destruct - did that for 15 years - drugs - while also working. I found it amazing that something so legal caused so much pain in me. So amazed that I had no clue even years later where the pain had stemmed from - it was actually from that abortion. If anyone had asked me I would've replied that it hadn't effected me, but it had.

You know doing drugs and dealing drugs gives you marvelous insight into our society. The amount of crooked cops/people is flabbergasting. I got caught by police 7 times, the first 6 times they stole the drugs and let me go. The 7th time I actually got arrested, 9 months later the officer himself was arrested in the wood royal commission in Australia and was one of the ringleaders at Manly police station. (I have plenty of other similar stories too). Simply amazing we still have the war on drugs.

Keep in mind I wasn't into drugs because I was a thug or gang related. I was just there to get high in order to dull the pain, pain that I was too emotionally immature to deal with at the time.

By this time I'm working at compaq as a consultant, earning 100k a year with a company car, got a gf who I should never have touched, she didn't look after herself AT ALL, and was awful in bed, but there I was.

Between her and the job I finally blew a gasket from the past 35 years of self-abuse as well as everyone else's.

Left her, left job went MGTOW. Try and understand - this was before MGTOW was even a thing, but I knew I had to get away from what I was doing.

Without money the best bet was failing a good psych eval for government assistance - which I did. Like I said, think outside the box. At the time I was also a bit of a wreck. I had started on the internet before most people in Australia even knew there WAS an internet, as a hacker. So low-tech, low-footprint was something I was used to.

So now I kind of just live alone, I don't go out much if at all, and try not to get too angry. However don't think that I'm not "happy" I am, but just lonely sometimes, as I used to have friends etc, but now prefer to stay away from people generally. The things that make me angry are usually the things I read on the net about men, as I know damned well nothing could be further from the truth.

Luckily I never got married, no alimony or any other crazy shit. I've run across a heap of guys while I was working who were literally paying more than half their pay cheques.

I fucked a few girls at uni, more at TAFE, more at work, and one thing is clear. AWALT. There is no doubt in my mind. It's just some are aggressive, the others are more passive-aggressive - but they are just the same nature. The best ones sometimes are the ones with big self respect issues, but then there are usually reasons for that so you know - they are easier to manipulate, but carry baggage.

For younger guys just keep it in mind, you'll need women some time in your life, just be smart and don't get caught in honeypots or even the abortion thing.

The past few days I worked out why that abortion affected me so much. If you take a look at planned parenthood, what about it really offends? Well it's the fact that even if that was "potential human life" it's still being treated with complete indifference, it's akin to watching one of the WW2 death camp videos.

We go wrong with legislation so much because of what's popular or convenient (women are creatures of convenience make no doubt) without any consideration of what's right and wrong.

I think for men to go back to being men we need to start looking at right and wrong, if you take a look at some of the most romanticised periods in history like the WW2 era guys - we consider them a better breed because of the way they knew right from wrong and went about doing what needed to be done. Basically, they had honour.

Perhaps we can get back to something like it some day.

End story time.