Hey there,

I am new to this Reddit stuff, I'm a 19 year old male. This is my story and I would like to share it with you guys.

I was a bright outgoing kid, my life was amazing. Until my dad passed away. It was back at the end of my fifth grade. I was lost, I never showed. I was slowly slipping into an existential crisis. That death at my own house changed my life. It made me question life, 'Why should I carry on if it all ends in death and decay'. I wanted something to hold onto life and what did I choose ?A girl. Man I thought she was the 'one'. I thought she could give meaning to my life.

I was about to tell my love to her, but a friend of mine did it first. You know where he is now? Six feet under. He fucking killed himself for a girl. She broke up with him after sometime. And the reason, she told me it was for her mother. Yeah, that's another story to tell.

So, this all happened before 10th grade. I should've focused on my studies instead. Then after that I told her I loved her. Most stupid decision of my life. She rejected me. She told me she wasn't in a good space for relationship after what happened. This rejection made me high into porn for some reason. Well, everything gone to hell after that. My existential crisis returned with crippling depression cause I don't know what to do with this life. And for the first time I started kissing my dad.

I failed 12th grade, yes, I just ruined my future. Not once but twice. I wrote again and failed again. And Trust me, don't trust these people who says porn is normal or masturbation is good for health. It isn't. It will ruin you. For me, this all started with a girl. She's now happy with some other guy, and the family of my friend who killed himself is still not over that tragedy.

The reason I'M going MGTOW is I want to get my life back. I'm starting a no gap challenge, I want to get right with these mood swings. I know I'm still young. And any tips would be helpful.

Thank you