My (27F) boyfriend (32M) and I are sexually incompatible

1 point•5 comments•submitted by Donuts20 to r/relationship_advice

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years and I worry we're sexually incompatible. He likes passionate, slow sex but I enjoy a faster paced experience most people think of as Jackhammering.

I have a fair bit of sexual trauma, I was raped during my first sexual experience and anally raped by a FWB a bit later. This was when I was 19 and I hate that it's affecting me now. After I was raped I tried to drown out that sexual experience with many others but most guys I met on dating sites were only interested in the come and go. That's what I thought everyone did.

When I started seeing my boyfriend I tried not to feel inadequate. My bf is uncircumcised and didn't enjoy PIV sex nearly as much as I did. He always came while he was jacking himself off vs having sex with me. It takes him a while to get hard and he didn't enjoy a fast/intense handjob, what I expected because of my past experience. He's fairly inexperienced and I'm the only person he's tried a lot of stuff with.

I'm also very into anal and initially he said it was something he wasn't into. It's something I'm VERY into and it's been extremely difficult not to have that in my sex life. He enjoys public play whereas I feel self conscious and can't relax during public play.

I expressed interest in trying the open relationship think nearly a year ago and we haven't explored it. I just don't know how to get what we both want. He's trying to be more aggressive with me, but he's just not good at it. It seems like a hurdle for us that I'm not sure how to get over. I love him and don't want to be involved with other people.