So it's time to write this once and for all. The idea is that we're men going our own way. Not heading into darkness or depression but instead we're heading towards a brighter future. We want to get the most out of this life because we only live once. This isn't a dress rehearsal but the real thing.

Having said that, I understand how hard it is to learn from the mistakes of others. Right now you might be dealing with a whole other set of problems. Your mind might be a million miles away. Alcohol might not even be on your radar. I still urge you to read this as a cautionary tale. However if you are struggling with an alcohol problem then this post is directly for you.

So what is this thing we call alcohol (or what the media want you to believe). The general view of alcohol is that it is a medium which lessons the intensity. In theory it takes boring and otherwise stiff situations and mellows them out. It replaces sharp corners with rounded off edges. However too much of it and bad shit happens.

That's what the media wants you to believe. Responsible people know how to deal with it, if you're young and foolish all is forgiven and your mistakes are laughable. They make movies about it (The hangover) and bring out music about it (Last Friday night) making it all seem completely normal. Even your biggest fuck ups.

And it's true, other peoples mistakes on alcohol, those isolated incidents you observe can quickly be dismissed, but what about the individual and the bigger picture? That's what I'm here to talk about.

Alcohol and you.

The best way I can do this is giving you the chronological sequence of my own personal experience. Also please note : I'm not a textbook alcoholic, never been homeless or shaky. I'm a professional, I drive a nice car, I own my own very nice apartment, and I'm respected at work - Also I no longer drink!

First time I had alcohol was as a teen. A beer and a kind of buzz feeling. Just felt good, relaxing and calm. Then we started drinking as teens do. Only at parties only as part of social events with the focus being on the social event, not the drinking. We really had no idea what we were doing, so there's not much here to talk about.

Things start getting more interesting in my 20's. Here almost every social event was clouded in alcohol. This was back in the days when I would go out with 1 or 2 friends to "pick up chicks". Bars, clubs, etc. Seemed fun at the time. But was it really? In reality I hardly ever got lucky. Was mostly just about trying to get lucky, wishing for something that never happened. But there was always a beer, shots and shit to go around, and loser talk.

I also wasn't making any genuine friends this way. Surprise surprise, absolutely zero of the people I partied with in my 20's are still in contact, mostly I don't even remember their names. I NEVER think about them, and they're like strangers you might meet at the bus stop. I'm 40 now.

And here's the thing - Not what you did, but what you COULD HAVE DONE. That's the fuckup too with alcohol. Instead of going out getting drunk, looking for chicks, ending up at home alone with a hangover. What could have been a better option?

I'll leave that to your imagination. I'm the one with that regret, if you're in your 20's only thing I can say is that whole method is ineffective and doesn't work.

The stupid shit you do.... There has been so much stupid shit I've done over the years while under the influence of alcohol. Countless dumb crap ranging from the benign laughable to the utter cringeworthy want to kill yourself moments, to the lucky to be alive stuff, to the stuff no one should ever know about. All this dumb shit really deserves a dedicated post.

For now I want to talk about why. You see calling alcohol social lube is a vast over simplification. What it really does is 2 things. In your brain you have this police officer (hear me out), that's working 24/7, and this guy is in charge of your well being. That part of your brain that tells you not to play in traffic, or that can very quickly deliver hypotheticals to your logical mind on possible outcomes of certain actions. Alcohol sends this fucker on a holiday. Well that police officer is tanning in the Maldives, your actions don't get put in check. Instead your brain hires a screw ball monkey in his place. For this reason it isn't out of the realms of possibility that you'll be doing really dumb shit on alcohol.

If this wasn't bad enough, you are too heavily sedated, a bit like in a dream state. And then to add the cherry on the top, possibly energetic and full of confidence and now we have the recipe for the perfect storm.

While sober you might know when to keep your mouth shut, when to leave a venue etc. While drunk you'll do dumb shit, it can also act like some kind of truth serum. Can also make you act in such a way that you're impulsive without any fear of consequence.

Like I've said I've done it all, things I care not to repeat, but that's the reason why.

It's not only when you're drunk. Alcohol affects your cognitive function for days / weeks / months afterwards. Depending on age / level of abuse. In your 20's you might be fine at work on a Monday after a heavy weekend. In your 30's not so fine.

Now for the scary stuff.

During the height of my drinking problem, I will tell you I just didn't see it. I thought I had it so well segregated that it couldn't possibly interfere with my personal and professional life.

At the height I had gotten to the point where I would only ever drink alone in fear of all that stupid shit mentioned above. And according to me I gave out no indication I had a drinking problem.

The best analogy I can give you is someone with a brain injury. To them they're normal, only their family and friends find them extremely changed. Their behavior is off / different / odd and unpleasant. Yet many people with a brain injury suffer confusion and frustration because to them they cannot perceive their change, only that their family are now treating them with a level of contempt. So it is for someone who drinks heavily.

Finally after quitting drinking, I noticed general things change without any work at all. Remember since I didn't perceive any change in me, noticing the general change in people over the first 6 months was surreal. One thing in particular stands out. People had this bright eyed look of confidence in their eyes when they spoke to me, rather than this dull glare.

So how did I quit. See alcohol = recursion. When you're down you want to drink and when you're happy you want to drink. And that's the fuckup you can't trust yourself and any decisions you make to stick because you might be very serious about your quit, and in 3 months decide fuck it I'll have a beer.

I realised from a series of trials and errors that I really needed to think out of the box.

For this reason I don't advocate using any support structure like AA or Rehab, unless you're physically addicted to alcohol - Most people aren't. It's actually pretty hard to get physically addicted to it to the point of it being a danger. Besides AA success rate 5-8%, which is the same as if you took a random group of 100 people with any addiction without any support at all, around 5-8% would just quit automatically. So for this reason I conclude AA is completely useless.

What I will now describe is a way not only to quit alcohol, but a sure fire way to at the same time eliminate depression, social anxiety or any other bullshit you have in your life.

Just deposit $5 now and press 1 :)

Jokes.

What you need is a paradigm shift, but that comes in part 2. So stay tuned.