Got this from another sub. A great read. /u/Froggies_courting you are a good man! Hope you don't mind me sharing with many men in your situation.

 

I posted this in r/Divorce the other day and someone asked me to share it here and another place. I was surprised at the responses it got as I didnt think anyone would really read it. It was kind of a relief to tell my story. Oh I hope I wasnt supposed to change the title or rewrite it before sharing under another r/ topic because I didnt. Thanks for your time.

My divorce is long over with but even now I have never really talked about it. Ill just start at the beginning.

I got off work and drove the 40 miles back home. Today was different though, today when I got home there were two policemen there who gave me some papers and told me I no longer lived in my house with my wife and two sons. And my life collapsed.

I liked my job and I absolutely loved coming home to my wife and two little boys who were 1 and 3. I liked being married and having a family and all of a sudden all that was gone. Sure we had some problems but I didnt understand them because I was pretty happy. She wasnt. She wanted a marriage counselor. I got us one but to this day Ill swear it did more harm than good. She stopped going to the counselor but I think she quit going because I would be there.

She had been cheating on me but I didnt want to believe it. There were alot of signs she was running around on me but I just wanted my family back. I was willing to forgive anything to get my family back.

Soon it became apparent we were not getting back together though she was still giving me little bits of false hope. We agreed out of court to an amount of money for child support and I even agreed to an extra $200/month alimony for 5 years. We went to court and the judge said "Mr.Froggie Im going to grant you visitation every other weekend with your sons. How does that sound?" This is the only thing I did right in my whole divorce. I said, "That isnt good at all your Honor. She is divorcing me, my sons arent divorcing me. I have been part of their lives just as much as I have been able their whole lives. I some times travel for my job so I cant be there for a set schedule of every other weekend and besides I want much more visitation than 4 days a month. I love my sons and they love me. It wouldnt be fair to either of us to be cutoff from each other like that." I think I surprised the judge especially with me representing myself with no lawyer when she had one. The judge said, "Mr.Froggie Im granting you broad and reasonable visitation rights with your children." Her lawyer didnt say anything and I just said thanks and thats what my rights were.

I wasnt doing very well. Im a construction worker and I had never been fired in my life but for the next 2 years I was fired off of every job I walked on. I drank and I took drugs but I never did that when my kids were around. That doesnt make it right it is just how things were. I saw my sons ALOT and if I was out of town working she took them to my parents house. She got into drugs also but she had a weakness for xanax and painkillers which is a deadly combo. They saw her pass out at the dinner table face down in a plate of food. My oldest son had to wake her up before she drown their half-brother in the bathtub, he was like 6 months at the time. They saw alot of things that I never knew about till way later.

Alot of stuff happened over the next 10 years but the best was the state took custody from my ex and gave it to me. You may ask why didnt I take custody from her and the only excuse I have is she would do everything in her power to keep the kids away from me or my family if I even mentioned wanting custody. With the kids all ready spending 90% of their time with me or my parents anyway I just didnt push it. So when the state did it she didnt blame me and take it out on the kids and me.

My sons came home and it was the best day I had in a very very long time. We made us a home again. This is when I learned alot of the things they had saw at their moms. They also said she used to tell them things about me to get them to hate me. One of them came up to me after they had been with me about a year and said, "We havnt been robbed even one time. We used to get robbed at moms all the time." She would take their stuff and pawn or sell it then tell them someone broke in and stole everything. She was deep in her addiction.

I never talked bad about their mom to my sons. She was the only mom they had and I refused to try and hurt her that way. After a few years they saw what she was doing and they remembered the past with her. They didnt want anything to do with her. I talked them into letting her come over to see them. I remember the boys and I had decided we wouldnt put up a x-mas tree that year in our house but when she got there she wanted to put one up. I told her that was fine and she could do what ever she wanted with decorations. She did great! She made that x-mas one to really remember and later I was really glad I let her spend x-mas with us. She overdosed and died about 2 weeks later. As much as they were mad at her she was still their mother and having to tell them she was gone was one of the hardest things Ive ever done.

Me and the boys had our ups and downs and they are now in their early 20s. One has a pretty good job, a beautiful daughter for me to spoil and a good wife to stand with him in life. The other is in the Air Force and hes doing great also. They are both better men than I was when I was their age.

I never remarried. Ive only had one sort of serious relationship since my divorce. I have MAJOR trust issues with women. I talk to my sons and I make sure they know that I really try to keep my trust issues at bay when we discuss their relationships but I do have them. Im happy to be honest and Im not looking for anyone to share my life with anymore.

Not long ago my oldest son told me "Thanks Dad, we wouldnt be where we are today if it hadnt been for you pushing us." I told him, "Im just happy you see me as a positive in your lives." On the inside I was freaking about to bust with the joy his comment gave me!!

The Forever Bachelor

I skipped ALOT of stuff in an attempt to keep this as short as possible and the writing sucks. If you read this thanks and have a great day!!!!